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Self improvement

None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.

How this was put together

If you only read a few

  1. Show compassion to your past self for not knowing what you know now.

    As you gain emotional control, you gain empathy for your younger self; realize he was a child and forgive him without becoming him again.

    • Do not hate your past self.

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    • Show kindness to your younger self, acknowledging they were doing their best with the limited resources available then.3

  2. Accept that history is unchangeable and shift your attention to present actions.

    Concentrating on now becomes easier with practice and helps you construct your current life rather than wishing for a redo.

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    • When you catch yourself ruminating, remind yourself that the past cannot be changed and consciously redirect your focus to where you are right now.3

  3. Give your negative inner voice a name so you can dismiss it, which helps take power away from it.

    Naming the voice allows you to tell it to shut up, taking power away from it.

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  4. Reframe reminders of past mistakes as evidence of how far you have grown.

    Mistakes are meant to be made so you can learn and evolve.

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    • Adopt the philosophy of learning from past mistakes to have a better future.3
    • Acknowledge your mistakes and use the lessons learned to move forward with hope for future chances.3
    • End cycles of regret by treating past errors as learning opportunities, offering yourself forgiveness, and directing effort toward current and future growth.4

past, self, now, mistakes16

Talk to yourself with the same kindness, patience, and compassion you would offer a small child or a close friend.

  1. Read books or listen to podcasts by Brené Brown to understand shame and vulnerability.

    Her work is described as game-changing and helpful for overcoming guilt and shame.

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  2. Talk to yourself with the same kindness you would offer a close friend facing similar circumstances.

    Self-compassion is essential.

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    • Talk to yourself with the same kindness, patience, and compassion you would offer a small child or a close friend.13

  3. Accept your past self with grace and begin building the person you aspire to become.

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    • Extract lessons from your former self but prevent it from burdening your current life.11
    • Achieve self-forgiveness through continuous improvement and altered behavior starting now.3
    • Forgive your past self by recognizing that you did the best you could with the knowledge and maturity you had at that age.5
    • Stop beating yourself up about the past or regretting things.4
    • Be kind to yourself and maturely own your faults without excessive self-loathing.3

  4. Stop comparing yourself to others and focus only on your own path and previous self.

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5 more on this

  1. Play the theme music from Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm in your head during an embarrassing moment to make it easier to laugh at.

    It cushions the cringe and transforms the memory into a funny one.

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  2. Use guilt as motivation to better yourself and learn from mistakes.

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  3. Consider whether you would direct such harsh criticism at a close friend facing similar circumstances; if not, cease doing so to yourself.

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    • Ask if you would judge another person similarly in the same scenario, since people often criticize themselves more harshly.4

  4. Identify ways your past experiences might help other people.

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  5. Forgive yourself by recognizing that you would likely forgive others for making the same mistakes.

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thoughts, negative, daily, helps20

Take up mindful meditation to understand that your identity is separate from your passing thoughts.

  1. Work on an anxiety-provoking task for five minutes; allow yourself to quit if it feels awful, since momentum often carries you forward.

    Starting usually gets things moving and helps you complete the task.

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  2. Make an effort daily to do one thing that improves someone else’s day.

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  3. Document your dream, the steps to reach it, and the specific tasks involved; then pick the smallest task you can complete today and execute it.

    Daydreaming is essentially planning; writing these plans down helps clarify what you want from life.

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  4. Allow thoughts to pass through your mind without letting them take root and linger.

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14 more on this

  1. Reject criticism from people whose advice you would not seek.

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  2. Revise your internal model of reality to accept that it does not need to match your expectations.

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  3. Find new hobbies such as drawing, reading, or writing stories.

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  4. When critical thoughts arise, pause and tell yourself that this kind of internal dialogue is no longer acceptable, or simply think 'stop. That’s enough.'

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  5. Leave the past behind and treat every day as a new opportunity to define who you want to be.

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  6. Say or do the opposite of whatever negative thought or statement you have to physically change your thoughts.

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    • Practice halting negative thinking by commanding it to cease and shifting attention elsewhere.5
    • Overwrite negative memories of yourself with new, positive ones.3

  7. Apply the Serenity Prayer: accept the things you cannot change, change the things you can, and know the difference.

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  8. Take up mindful meditation to understand that your identity is separate from your passing thoughts.

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  9. Stop letting worries and hypotheticals about tomorrow take away your peace today.

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  10. Break down the next required action into its smallest possible component and focus only on that single baby step.

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  11. Learn to control your breathing to stop an anxiety attack before it escalates.

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  12. Try daily exercises from David Burns' book 'Feeling Good: Mood Therapy'.

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  13. Analyze negative thoughts to determine if they contain a truth that needs addressing or stem from an outdated situation.

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  14. Create a daily checklist of basic tasks like not staying in bed, brushing teeth, eating breakfast, and exercising.

    3 people, independently

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