Behavior
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Hold firm limits firmly but avoid being harsh or unkind.
Being rude doesn't help and isn't part of your character; letting others walk over you is different from being kind.
3 people, independently
- Distinguish between being kind and being nice; set boundaries without being cruel, as kindness does not require being a pushover.2
Practice saying one sincere, kind thing to people you know every day.
It builds credibility over time.
one person who lived it
- Daily, offer praise or encouragement to someone, even if they are unknown to you.4
View yourself from a third-person perspective and ask what a monk would do before acting.
It helps make you think before acting.
one person who lived it
Use self-deprecating humor to balance out sarcasm.
Making fun of yourself balances it out and goes a long way.
2 people, independently
Validate others by saying 'I see your point' or 'I get what you mean' to show you are listening, even if you do not agree.
People often just want to be heard and validated rather than opposed.
one person who lived it
people, kind, practice, helps33
Write down your thoughts to aid self-reflection and process emotions and events.
12 people, independently
Aim for a middle ground in behavior rather than swinging between people-pleasing and being hostile.
Most people exist in the space between these two extremes.
one person who lived it
Remember times when you were new at something and made mistakes.
It helps keep you humble and supports realizing that we are not perfect.
one person who lived it
Take a beat before responding to allow yourself time to calm down prior to speaking.
6 people, independently
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Recognize that liking being alone is not rude, though some may misinterpret it due to their own discomfort with solitude.
Some people who dislike being alone perceive those who enjoy it as mean or rude.
one person who lived it
Stand up for yourself without losing your inner kindness; do not become cruel like those who mistreat you.
Many unhappy people take their frustration out on others.
one person who lived it
Deliver firm messages in a kind voice.
It sounds better than using a condescending voice.
one person who lived it
Be authentic rather than suppressing your natural traits to appease others.
Trying to be someone you are not leads to misery.
one person who lived it
Interrupt negative thoughts by asking yourself who you are helping by thinking that way.
Adjusting your attitude this way can make you happier.
one person who lived it
Be considerate of other people's feelings, even when it feels exhausting.
One person reported this approach helped them.
- It can be exhausting at times.
one person who lived it
Think before you speak by considering why you are saying it and what intentional or unintentional consequences might follow.
Being aware is a good first step.
2 people, independently
Start with manageable baby steps, such as learning to say no and not backing down, to build confidence in asserting yourself clearly and calmly.
Gradual practice helps overcome fear.
one person who lived it
After your day ends, write down three things you liked about it.
3 people, independently
Direct sarcasm towards situations or things rather than people.
Using words towards situations makes people laugh along, but using them towards people can cause real damage.
one person who lived it
Practice socializing in places where no one knows you to build confidence without fear of reputation damage.
It allows you to be awkward and make mistakes that won't affect your life because the people are unknowns.
one person who lived it
Practice meditation to increase awareness and quiet your ego, allowing you to hear your inner voice guide you away from arrogant patterns.
It helps you listen and recognize when your ego gets in the way.
one person who lived it
Commit to understanding people as fascinating people to make objective value judgments and comparisons less important.
Understanding people makes it harder to believe an objective value can be applied to a human.
one person who lived it
Before speaking, verify that your words are true, kind, and necessary.
5 people, independently
Be kind without an agenda or expectation of return, as kindness motivated by wanting something is manipulative.
Kindness should be genuinely giving with no transaction; if you are nice because you want something, it is bad and manipulative.
2 people, independently
Practice empathy and humility by recognizing that you do not know anyone else's suffering and stopping judgment.
You're not better than anyone else.
one person who lived it
Shift focus from pleasing others to prioritizing your own well-being and interests.
3 people, independently
Try to see things from the other person's perspective before criticizing or commenting on them.
6 people, independently
Run, exercise, or hit a punching bag when angry to physically release tension.
3 people, independently
Act kindly because it aligns with your character, not because you anticipate a reward.
4 people, independently
Do the opposite of rude habits: move away from annoyances rather than speaking offensively, and forgive both others and yourself.
to become easy to love
one person who lived it
Use 'please' when making requests and 'thank you' when receiving things.
3 people, independently
Read 'The Like Switch' by Jack Schafer to improve likability rather than just politeness.
It focuses on being likeable instead of merely polite.
one person who lived it
Do minor kind gestures, such as keeping doors open, covering costs for those who are short on money, or using polite language.
9 people, independently
Practice mindfulness to improve your emotional intelligence.
Improving EQ leads to character development.
one person who lived it
Focus on yourself rather than worrying about others' opinions to become more relaxed in social interactions.
Focusing on yourself naturally leads to relaxation.
one person who lived it
Consciously avoid complaining or viewing matters through a negative lens constantly.
3 people, independently
Recognize that ego drives competitive thoughts and reframe interactions as based on love, not competition.
one person who lived it
Handle service errors calmly without fuss, such as politely pointing out a missing item.
one person who lived it
Find friends by joining groups that align with your specific interests.
You find them by picking what interests you and joining.
one person who lived it
Spend more time with friends who are openly affectionate to get used to it.
One person reported getting more used to it this way.
one person who lived it
Inquire about others rather than sharing details about yourself.
4 people, independently