Behavioral change
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Tell the truth to avoid the mental burden of remembering lies and keeping track of who heard what.
Honesty requires no effort. Fabrications create a complex web of details you must maintain. Consequently, you fill your mind with unnecessary clutter.
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Read 'Lying' by Sam Harris to reframe your understanding of truth.
One person described it as a firmware upgrade for their brain that reduced their need to lie; others noted it strengthens resolve without condemning lying.
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Immediately admit when you lie by apologizing and stating you do not know why you did it.
One person reported stopping the behavior within a week or two after doing this, as they came to hate admitting to making things up.
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- Correct yourself immediately mid-conversation when you catch yourself lying by saying, 'actually that's not true.'4
- Catch lies as soon as they leave your mouth and immediately correct them by stating they were lies.1
- Correct yourself immediately after telling a lie or exaggeration, even a small one.1
Treat trying as doing; recognize that attempting to change is itself changing.
Quitting trying is what leads to failure.
one person who lived it
Switch from reading self-help books to reading biographies to better apply lessons from real lives.
One person found they were not fully applying lessons from self-help books.
- Based on one person's experience
one person who lived it
lying, lie, truth, lies16
Look into the specific aspects of yourself that you dislike, which may be fueling your dishonesty.
You might find these feelings trivial, reducing one reason for lying.
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Read 'The Speed of Trust'.
It helps you understand what you sacrifice when you lie.
one person who lived it
Use the process of confessing lies to weed out fake friends from real ones.
True friends will acknowledge the bullshit but still accept you.
one person who lived it
If you struggle with lying, try going cold turkey by stopping all lies completely.
- It is very tough and may force you to confront unpleasant truths about why you lie.
one person who lived it
- If you cannot tell the truth, remain silent or change the topic instead of lying.4
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Stop lying to allow bad neural pathways to fade and new truthful ones to form.
Lying becomes second nature through repeated use of bad pathways; stopping allows them to go away.
one person who lived it
Reframe lying as cheating in a game.
Recognizing that sharing reality helps others make best choices.
one person who lived it
Tell the truth.
People who are dishonest with others are usually dishonest with themselves.
one person who lived it
Keep realistic expectations that a habitual liar will not stop immediately.
Knowing the hurt it causes may make them think twice.
one person who lived it
Focus on breaking the reflex to speak rather than the reflex to lie.
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- Speak slower or pause to think before answering to weaken the habit of reflexive lying.3
Adhere to the rule: speak honestly, or at minimum, avoid lying.
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Ignore chronic liars to deny them the attention they seek.
Giving them attention rewards their behavior and encourages them to keep lying.
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Keep a journal logging every lie caught, including the untruth, the hidden reality, and the feared consequence.
Writing down patterns and trends will eventually make you more self-aware.
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Begin by being truthful about minor matters consistently before addressing larger deceptions.
It is similar to physical training; you cannot attempt a marathon after long periods of inactivity.
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Do not lie to please others, as this can damage friendships and lead to betrayal when the truth eventually emerges.
one person who lived it
people, change, person, habit19
Implement minor, step-by-step adjustments to become a better version of yourself.
When declining an invitation, state that you have other plans rather than saying you do not want to go, to avoid implying you do not want to spend time with the person.
Saying 'I don't want to go' can be interpreted as 'I don't want to spend time with YOU.'
one person who lived it
Allow criticism from others and let them keep you in check to maintain self-awareness.
It helps you keep aware.
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Read Brian Tracy's book No Excuses! to build self-discipline.
Self-discipline is invaluable when trying to start permanent change.
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Quit seeking approval from others; concentrate on whether you actually like being around them.
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Focus on giving friends your time and full attention.
It makes a difference in relationships and helps you feel fulfilled.
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Read 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck' for supplementary points on your dilemma.
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Identify questions you are frequently asked, write down an honest answer, and rehearse it so you can deliver it consistently on the spot.
Having a prepared answer makes it easier to use than improvising when caught off guard.
one person who lived it
Place sticky notes in visible locations and set phone reminders to remind yourself of the habit you are trying to change.
These reminders work well for maintaining awareness.
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Under-promise on timelines or achievements.
It is a good habit.
one person who lived it
Implement minor, step-by-step adjustments to become a better version of yourself.
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Reflect on whether you are lying to fit in with people you have little in common with or to compensate for dissatisfaction with your current life.
one person who lived it
Observe genuinely kind people and adopt their sincere pleasantries, recognizing these acts as signs of care rather than small talk.
One person learned that such pleasantries indicated genuine care and started doing them genuinely themselves.
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Identify the specific actions you take that others find off-putting and make a deliberate choice to modify them.
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Begin the day by speaking kindly to yourself, either out loud or internally, as if you were a close friend.
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Accept that friends are autonomous people who cannot be controlled; respect their decisions and move on rather than exploding or guilt-tripping them.
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Write down the context, events, your actions, and desired alternatives in a journal to inform future behavior.
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Select one particular habit you are ready to modify immediately and begin with that.
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Cultivate authenticity, courage, and kindness in yourself rather than obsessing over retaining specific relationships; let go of those who leave and find new connections as you grow.
one person who lived it
Keep company with uplifting people and participate in activities that boost your mood.
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