Boundaries
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Set and enforce personal boundaries to focus on your needs.
You can't please everyone.
- You may be labeled an asshole or a jerk.
4 people, independently
Start a negotiation instead of simply saying yes or no, such as setting terms like charging $3.00/mile payable in advance for favors.
If you can't say no, this way people see you're standing up for yourself.
one person who lived it
Accept that other people's emotional states are not your burden to manage or fix.
You lack the power, responsibility, or requirement to alter how others feel.
3 people, independently
Focus on your own needs before helping others, similar to securing your oxygen mask first on an airplane.
No one is more important than you.
3 people, independently
Decline social events you do not want to attend to reclaim time for personal interests like playing music.
One person used this time to play guitar for two hours.
one person who lived it
Let annoying people be and conserve your energy, since you cannot change them.
You cannot change other people.
one person who lived it
Give yourself time to recenter and put yourself first during busy periods like Christmas.
In this day and age, we are always go go go.
one person who lived it
Say no without providing a long explanation.
It is a top-tier life skill.
one person who lived it
If you need to guard your peace, say no to social hangouts, domestic tasks, or substance use.
Saying no helps maintain weekly, monthly, and yearly stability.
one person who lived it
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When asked to take extra shifts, simply state you have plans; you do not need to explain why or provide details.
Managers may not respect your personal time if you are always available.
one person who lived it
Set boundaries with others to avoid being taken advantage of.
Giving too much away can lead to exploitation, especially when you cannot help yourself.
- This is a struggle for some who want to help everyone.
one person who lived it
Do what brings you happiness regardless of others' opinions, provided it does not infringe on their rights.
If you try to please others and remain unhappy, they will not take responsibility for your unhappiness.
one person who lived it
Distance yourself from your family if their influence is limiting, so you can form new social habits with the group you associate with.
Behaviors can be learned, so distancing allows new habits to form.
one person who lived it
Create an environment free of controlling people or those with a negative impact to maintain control over your life.
Surrounding yourself with controlling people prevents fuller control of your life.
one person who lived it
Give up on tasks you don't enjoy or feel obligated to do, viewing it as self-care rather than moral failing.
one person who lived it
Focus on your own wellness and financial problems over those of others.
one person who lived it
Set boundaries without overexplaining to save energy and reduce stress.
It saves energy and reduces stress.
one person who lived it
Let go of other people's expectations, recognizing they are not your problem or responsibility, while still addressing your own.
Beating yourself up over others' expectations is harmful.
one person who lived it
Stop expecting things from people, agreeing to everyone, or justifying yourself.
one person who lived it
Ignore blowback from friends or relatives who may find your self-improvement efforts threatening.
Prioritizing yourself is essential, regardless of others' reactions.
one person who lived it
Let go of people's opinions and accept that it is not your responsibility to fix other adults' problems.
one person who lived it
If you are a helper, set boundaries; if someone is unwilling to learn something important enough to burden you with it, you risk becoming an unpaid laborer or enabler rather than a helper.
one person who lived it
If you find yourself feeling that everyone is an asshole—including yourself—separate yourself from those people to allow for personal growth.
one person who lived it
Focus on your own well-being by being authentic, recognizing your value, and setting boundaries instead of focusing excessively on others' happiness.
one person who lived it