Communication
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Before speaking, ask: Is this necessary? Do I have to say it? Should I say it now?
4 people, independently
Practice making weird noises for five minutes a day to improve your voice.
One person reported receiving compliments on their voice after doing this for a month.
- Based on one person's experience using Arthur Joseph's techniques.
one person who lived it
- Practice speaking in a different accent to train your mouth to move air differently.1
- Hum or make a vibrating 'zz' sound while lowering and raising your pitch for 30 seconds.1
Ask people directly if they need more space when they are in your personal space.
They usually pick up on it quickly and move.
one person who lived it
If you disagree with someone, repeatedly ask 'Why?' until they realize they may not know why they hold their belief.
Most people do not actually know why they believe what they believe when pressed.
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Read 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' to learn how to give feedback that is not raw or off-putting.
It helps you understand others' motivations.
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Focus on understanding others before attempting to share your own view.
Discern what people really want beyond their literal words, then reflect that understanding back to them.
People often do not say what they really mean.
one person who lived it
Instead of ghosting, tell friends you are stressed and need to recharge offline, promising to text when you feel better.
It helps maintain friendships.
one person who lived it
Reduce your speaking pace considerably and accept the pauses between words and phrases.
Many communication issues arise from talking too quickly, trying to match the speed of your thoughts. Slowing down can help you articulate better and clarify your message for coherence.
4 people, independently
Speak with confidence even if you are still figuring things out.
That confidence opens doors.
one person who lived it
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Ask no-oriented questions, such as 'is now a bad time,' instead of yes-oriented ones to increase response rates.
People are more likely to reply 'no, it's not' to a negative prompt.
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Treat arguments as conversations where you ask questions to understand, rather than striving to win.
People often strive to win for winning's sake instead of risking changing their mind.
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Express your true feelings upfront rather than going through the motions.
This prevents emotions and opinions from building up.
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Choose silence or think before speaking.
It helps you learn more, feel less regretful, become more insightful, and improve relationships.
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Listen first and speak only when it benefits you or others, avoiding speech for its own sake.
3 people, independently
- Consider your words before speaking and try to see the situation from the other person's point of view.3
- Focus on understanding others before attempting to share your own view.12
Practice Nonviolent Communication.
It is something every person could benefit from practicing.
one person who lived it
Replace saying 'sorry' with 'thank you' in social interactions to project confidence and avoid admitting fault where none exists.
Saying sorry instantly puts you on the 'losing' side by admitting fault where there isn't one; saying thank you makes you feel confident.
one person who lived it
Use full forms like 'I will' instead of contractions like 'I'll' when speaking to English learners.
An English learner reported this is very helpful.
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Limit specific swear words to rare, high-impact moments rather than trying to stop entirely.
It prevents the words from losing their power and effect; using them sparingly signals serious intent.
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Discuss with your partner how you each prefer to initiate sex and express desire.
Communication is sexy.
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Address social conflicts through direct and civil communication rather than letting rejection dictate your actions.
One person found this solved 90% of their social problems after years of realization.
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Focus on tracking only one specific issue, such as filler words, per recording session.
Starting small keeps the process from feeling overwhelming.
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Frame self-improvement advice positively (e.g., 'live in the now') rather than using double negatives (e.g., 'don't live in the past').
The tone of positive framing is obviously better.
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Read 'That’s Not What I Meant!' by Deborah Tannen to understand how conversation functions.
It provides insight into the mechanics of conversation.
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Take classes like sign language, improv, theater, choir, or dance to learn tone, facial expressions, and posture.
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Study 'Difficult Conversations' to recognize mistakes made in arguments and fights.
It opens your eyes to errors you and others often make.
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If someone does not explicitly tell you they are hurt, do not stress over guessing their feelings; ask directly if it is your responsibility to know.
Guessing leads to overthinking and unnecessary stress.
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State your intentions clearly upfront, such as clarifying that you do not want harm or are not angry.
to reduce misinterpretation
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If you realize immediately that you sounded rude, apologize for the tone and rephrase to clarify your sincere intent.
It is disarming and diffuses the situation.
2 people, independently
Remove filler words like 'uhh', 'yeah', 'hmmm', and 'like' from your speech.
4 people, independently
Say 'I don't know' instead of making up answers.
Making up answers is an easy tell of dishonesty or insecurity.
one person who lived it
Aim to be someone people enjoy talking to rather than dominating conversations.
This approach widened my horizon and improved my life.
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Master communication skills, including listening, empathy, body language alignment, efficient reading and writing, and audience adaptation.
This skill stacks into everything else and offers high long-term return on investment.
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Learn to express yourself properly to manage anger issues.
Inability to express oneself can ruin relationships.
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Choose silence instead of responding to everything.
Silence wins battles.
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Avoid moaning or complaining excessively over the phone if you notice it is a pattern in your family.
One person realized they sounded like their mother when wailing about pain, prompting them to stop.
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Talk directly to your partner about household clutter instead of using indirect notes.
Direct communication is preferred; if a partner gets more upset by direct talk than by a note, it may indicate relationship issues.
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In conversations, pause impulsive reactions and try to identify what the other person is seeking.
These actions are described as powerful tools for communication.
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Practice being clear about your needs and desires with everyone you meet so these skills transfer into romantic relationships.
Practicing with everyone provides maximum opportunity to build these skills.
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Practice public speaking and learn conversation starters.
Huge benefits.
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Use DeVito's 'Interpersonal Communication' for comprehensive interpersonal communication strategies.
One source described it as probably the most comprehensive resource available.
- Based on one opinion regarding comprehensiveness.
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Share only highlights first when communicating, then gauge interest before providing deeper details.
Most people do not care about deep details, so sharing them immediately causes unnecessary stress.
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Use pauses and minor gestures in your speech to control cadence and allow time for thought.
Observing leaders like the President of the United States showed that pauses and minor gestures keep audiences engaged ('on the grip of their seats') and help memorize effective cadence.
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Avoid arguing about logical fallacies in casual settings.
People often misunderstand them or get defensive.
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Develop writing and storytelling skills to express your viewpoint in creative, business, and social roles.
It is essential for creatives, business people, salespeople, leaders, conversationalists, public speakers, and deal makers.
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Read consistently to improve vocabulary and reasoning in conversation.
It leads to more coherent sentences and logically arranged thoughts.
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Negotiate in a conversational manner.
It prevents you from sounding controlling.
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voice, sound, breathe, practice16
Drink plenty of water.
Water helps clear your voice.
3 people, independently
Record your voice to hear how it actually sounds, rather than relying on bone conduction.
Our ears hear our voice through the bones as well, and dampen themselves when we start talking.
one person who lived it
Gently expand and deflate your stomach like a balloon to breathe through the diaphragm, rather than tensing your abs.
Breathing through the diaphragm improves volume and quality without tension.
- Do not tense or flex your abs; this is a common misconception.
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Own your deep voice to appear professional, secure jobs, and attract women.
It is a highly desirable trait that most men envy.
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Breathe in deeply before speaking to help deepen your voice.
It helps make your voice deeper.
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Practice reading out loud extensively rather than just hearing words in your mind.
It makes a huge difference.
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Drink water instead of clearing your throat to avoid damaging your vocal cords.
Clearing your throat causes vocal cords to clap together, causing damage.
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Exaggerate mouth movements to make sounds pop and move your body around to keep attention.
Moving your body helps keep students' attention on you.
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Recite poetry or well-known speeches aloud, record the session, and play it back.
This reveals areas for improvement in pacing, articulation, vocabulary, and reducing tongue-ties.
3 people, independently
Breathe properly while talking to avoid sounding like you are in an offensive state.
Restricting your breath while talking can make you sound aggressive even if you are trying to talk calmly.
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Raise your soft palate while speaking to get a ringing, robust voice quality without tiring your vocal cords.
This technique allows for a robust sound without fatigue, similar to operatic singers.
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Use diaphragmatic breathing to produce a voice that is louder and projects further.
3 people, independently
Notice the deeper, relaxed tone of your voice upon waking and try to replicate that relaxed state when speaking during the day.
The morning voice is usually the most natural and relaxed.
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Say 'oh' in your lowest register to allow extensive throat and chest vibration, helping to avoid strain.
to avoid strain
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Search online for exercises and suggestions on how to deepen a male voice.
Online resources provide various exercises and suggestions.
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Practice tongue twisters by overdoing your facial expressions and concentrating on shaping your lips around each word.
3 people, independently
Refrain from using idioms.
They are much more difficult to understand than you realize.
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When encouraging someone, acknowledge the task is tough while affirming their ability to complete it.
Saying 'it's easy' undermines their effort; validating difficulty builds confidence.
- This approach worked well for one person's daughter who struggled with confidence.
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Use humor or established relationship dynamics when addressing sensitive household issues with a partner, rather than condescension.
Effectiveness relies on previously established understanding.
- Some people may prefer direct nagging.
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Use positive reinforcement rather than harsh criticism when advising underperforming people.
Positive reinforcement works better and earlier for those who are struggling.
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