Confidence
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Read Kristen Neff's book 'Self-Compassion' to gain perspective on self-worth.
It can open your eyes and change your life.
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Focus on your own joy and wants rather than pleasing others or fearing judgment.
You must live for yourself; if others approve, that is just a bonus.
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- Ignore external judgments and focus on your own happiness.4
Treat yourself with kindness and stop using harsh language that you would not use on a close friend.
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- Use gentle language with yourself, particularly when you feel you have erred.8
Accept that you might fail, since fearing failure halts progress but failing offers lessons.
Fear of failing is a major barrier, yet we genuinely learn from failures.
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Train in martial arts to conquer fear of conflict and build physical self-assurance.
Knowing how to defend yourself provides a huge confidence boost; it reduces the fear of other people.
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Learn to stop worrying too much about what others think of you and just do your thing.
Never commit to doing something unless you are 100% sure you will do it.
Failing to follow through on a promise leads to moments of guilt and shame.
one person who lived it
Focus on what you think of yourself rather than caring what others think about whether you win or lose.
What matters is what you think of yourself.
one person who lived it
- Concern yourself with your own self-perception instead of others' opinions.9
Learn to stop worrying too much about what others think of you and just do your thing.
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- Understand that others' opinions of you reflect more on them than on you.4
- Live in the moment rather than playing a role assigned by the world.1
- Stop caring what others think, rather than trying to make them like you.1
- Trust yourself and do not let others' opinions influence your decisions.2
- Learn to feel good about your own choices and preferences without needing other people's input or approval.1
Face the mirror daily and affirm that you love yourself.
It may initially feel insincere, but if you strive to mean it, it will become true because the brain responds well to repetition.
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- Rehearse self-encouragement and positive affirmations while looking in a mirror at home.8
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Honor the commitments you make to yourself.
This is one of the fundamental drivers of self-assurance.
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- Demonstrate integrity by executing the actions you commit to yourself.7
Align your actions with your words to maintain self-respect.
Misalignment leads to a lack of self-respect and affects how you view yourself over time.
one person who lived it
Stop caring about what other people think and trust yourself.
Most of the time, the thought of 'what other people think' messes with self-confidence.
one person who lived it
Plan your day and use to-do lists to track small wins.
Feeling accomplished for small wins grows confidence.
one person who lived it
Counter the suspicion that you are unworthy by taking small daily actions to build self-pride, rather than just telling your brain it is wrong.
The suspicion of being unworthy is likely false, but cannot be convincingly countered by words alone; actions provide long-lasting proof of worth.
one person who lived it
Stop caring what others think to remove the immeasurable weight of being a slave to opinions.
The weight of being a slave to opinions is immeasurable.
one person who lived it
Change the way you respond to situations to change how you feel and see yourself.
This creates a positive feedback loop that changes your personality.
one person who lived it
Recognize that your power comes from within you, not from others.
It fosters self-assurance.
one person who lived it
Acknowledge that you possess more strength and wisdom than you currently perceive.
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- Love yourself, be forgiving, and trust in your ability to grow.1
Shift your mental focus away from yourself and toward helping others.
Changing this perspective provides the answer you seek.
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Use a daily mood tracker or micro-journaling app to record your activities and moods.
It increases awareness of your mood and the factors that influence it.
one person who lived it
Commit to mastering a skill that brings you pride.
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Value yourself, recognize your worth, and look after your well-being.
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Recognize that other people are focused on themselves and their own insecurities, not on observing or judging you.
Just as you are focused on how you look, everyone else is doing the same thing.
one person who lived it
- Reduce anxiety about others' opinions by recognizing that they are typically preoccupied with their own lives rather than yours.5
Bookmark supportive comments or resources to read on days when self-doubt is overwhelming.
It helps to know you are not alone.
one person who lived it
Read 'How to Be Yourself' by Ellen Hendriksen.
The book helps you understand that your inner voice is the worst critic and the only one bashing your self-confidence.
one person who lived it
If you struggle with self-doubt and comparison, change your mindset to believe others' opinions do not matter so you can focus on completing your tasks.
This helps overcome the feeling that your efforts are not enough compared to others.
one person who lived it
Honor minor personal commitments to gradually restore self-trust.
This process helped me regain confidence in myself.
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Spend less than you make, build an emergency fund, pay down debt, and review your retirement accounts.
Getting your financial house in order can do wonders for your well-being.
one person who lived it
Be comfortable with yourself and show people who you are, accepting that opinions change.
People and their opinions always change.
one person who lived it
Compare yourself to who you were yesterday or last year to recognize progress.
You are likely more confident than you were a year ago.
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Read 'The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem' for insights on building self-esteem, as one person found it made a difference.
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Combine faith in yourself with self-awareness to maintain balance.
Too much faith in oneself can break the balance.
one person who lived it
Clean up your appearance and take care of yourself to realize your potential and reject negative labels.
It helps you realize you have great potential and are not what others pushed you to be.
one person who lived it
Keep a journal to track your emotional ups and downs so you can move forward from them.
It allows you to see your patterns and progress.
one person who lived it
Do not try to impress anyone.
You do not need to impress anyone.
one person who lived it
Track how often you stay on track using an app or a journal to boost motivation.
It motivates you to stay on track.
one person who lived it
Read David Foster Wallace's speech 'This is Water' to understand the dangers of worshipping traits like confidence.
Worshipping such traits can make you feel inadequate.
one person who lived it
Embrace both your old and new selves with confidence, viewing past struggles as part of your maturation process.
Past experiences contribute to who you are now; losing opportunities due to shame is absurd.
one person who lived it
Adopt an internal attitude of not caring about external judgment to build confidence and be okay with yourself.
It shifts your view of yourself to being okay with who you are.
one person who lived it
Know who you are, where you have been, and where you are going.
one person who lived it
Take action to get change while staying within your authentic boundaries.
Change requires doing different things, but it cannot remain authentic if it falls outside your individual boundaries.
one person who lived it
Consider how the person you aspire to be would handle the current moment, and follow that example.
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Journal daily to analyze your actions and distinguish between pleasing others and serving yourself.
It helped one person ponder their day-to-day actions to see where they were trying to please others versus making steps to serve themselves first.
one person who lived it
Keep a physical display of your achievements, such as a noticeboard with photos or note-cards stating what you did.
It provides visual proof of competence to yourself.
one person who lived it
Shift your mental framework and how you view the people and circumstances surrounding you.
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Force yourself to be genuine and honest in interactions to feel less like a fraud.
one person who lived it
Replace negative internal dialogue with positive affirmations to improve how you view yourself.
Swapping negative daily thoughts for positive ones can add to self-perception.
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Write down your big social goals to clarify your intention.
You become your intention.
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Master a skill that allows you to earn money and care for yourself.
This ensures financial reliability.
one person who lived it
Read 'The Secret of Letting Go' by Guy Finley to cultivate self-acceptance.
The book is mainly about self-acceptance.
one person who lived it
Use calendars and reminders to manage tasks like remembering birthdays.
They can change your life.
one person who lived it
Choose happiness first regardless of circumstances, rather than waiting for external achievements to bring it.
Happy people choose happiness no matter the circumstances.
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Adopt a self-improvement mentality where challenges are seen as opportunities and weaknesses as things to improve steadily.
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Stop constantly comparing your physical traits to those of your friends.
Constant comparison is identified as the core problem causing distress.
one person who lived it
Acknowledge your successes and praise yourself for doing well, rather than criticizing yourself for errors.
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Motivate yourself by focusing on the reward of making specific people, like a crush, laugh.
Getting people, especially a crush, to laugh is described as the best feeling ever.
one person who lived it
List your strengths and the areas where you excel.
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Recognize negative thoughts, label them simply as 'thoughts' rather than absolute truths, and argue against them.
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Remind yourself of past times you thought something was too hard but succeeded anyway.
Recalling these instances reinforces the sense of accomplishment.
one person who lived it
Watch beginner tutorials for skills you already possess to visualize your progress.
It provides reassurance that you are doing fine and shows how far you have come, countering insecurity which stems from personal insecurity rather than lack of knowledge.
one person who lived it
Challenge yourself by setting goals and completing difficult tasks.
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Cultivate internal values that define who you are, disregarding job or skills, and stand behind those values.
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Test self-limiting beliefs about your habits by finding a non-obligatory reason to perform the action, rather than accepting the label as fact.
One person discovered they were not inherently bad at morning routines but simply lacked a motivating reason that wasn't obligation.
one person who lived it
Adopt the mindset or habits of an expert or ideal version of yourself to drive serious commitment and improvement.
one person who lived it
Record all remembered life achievements on paper, then review the list regularly and append new wins.
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Follow through on your promises, regardless of your current motivation.
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Counter feelings of being a loser by acknowledging concrete achievements, such as writing and publishing a long novel.
one person who lived it
Reject insecurities about penis size by recognizing it affects nothing regarding life planning or achievements.
one person who lived it
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Establish firm boundaries and enforce them when they are crossed.
Match the amount others speak and reduce joking to ensure your voice is taken more seriously.
Speaking too much and joking excessively (e.g., 80% jokes) can cause others to value your input less.
one person who lived it
When criticized for your accent, calmly offer to switch to another language you speak fluently.
It creates silence from the critic.
one person who lived it
Accept that people will judge you regardless of what you do, so express what you want anyway.
Realizing judgment is inevitable allows you to focus on doing, loving, feeling, and expressing what you want.
one person who lived it
Consider that a friend's negative reaction might stem from them not being ready to hear the truth, rather than your advice being wrong.
The advice might have been correct, but the recipient was not prepared to accept it at that time.
one person who lived it
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If you sense awkwardness, explicitly acknowledge it to break the tension.
It sometimes breaks the tension.
- This is one person's experience; results may vary.
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Stop waiting for things to happen and take action to make them happen yourself.
It is part of assertiveness; it is better to go for it and potentially get stung than to wait around.
one person who lived it
Respond to aggression with calm agreement, such as saying 'you might be right', to disarm the aggressor.
It leaves the aggressor with nothing left to say.
one person who lived it
Ask questions you already know the answers to during awkward silences.
One person does this because they cannot do small talk.
- Based on one person's specific struggle with small talk.
one person who lived it
Accept and express physical or personality traits you have previously resisted.
It helps to be okay with these parts of yourself.
one person who lived it
Do not feel responsible to agree, engage, or emotionally react to people who poke fun at you.
You are under no responsibility to do so.
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Say 'thank you' when receiving a compliment; even if you doubt the speaker's intent, pretend they mean it to help you accept the praise.
Accepting compliments helps you embody them.
one person who lived it
Disregard insults about your singing and focus on having fun while others listen.
You can have fun while others suffer listening to you.
one person who lived it
Act as if you care about the other person and yourself, but do not care what they think of you.
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Accept that lacking a response to small social gestures is not catastrophic.
It is not the end of the world.
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Judge social situations and choose your response instead of reacting blindly.
It creates a sense of control and power in social situations.
one person who lived it
Show active listening by repeating or summarizing what the other person said.
This lets them know you are listening.
one person who lived it
If a conversation leaves you feeling bad, accept that you simply do not gel with that person rather than blaming yourself.
Not getting along with everyone is normal and okay.
one person who lived it
Reframe confidence as being fine if people don't like you, rather than expecting them to like you.
one person who lived it
Establish firm boundaries and enforce them when they are crossed.
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Determine if a person is venting or seeking a solution before responding.
People are generally either looking to vent or asking for help; identifying which allows for appropriate support.
- Based on one person's experience.
one person who lived it
Approach disagreements as information sharing rather than war to avoid losing potential friends.
A mindset of 'war' can cause you to lose potential friends.
one person who lived it
Set boundaries and learn to say no to avoid overcommitting and people-pleasing.
Overcommitting leads to dipping out or stressing yourself out.
one person who lived it
Focus on being outgoing and authentic over trying to appear smooth or non-awkward.
Holding back your personality signals a lack of confidence; laughing at awkwardness or rolling with it is better than covering it up.
one person who lived it
Be comfortable with quiet and listen to learn about people; remember that the loudest person in a heated situation is often wrong.
Listening helps you understand others, and volume does not equal correctness.
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View life as a joke or meaningless to realize most things aren't important, but react if you feel offended or hurt.
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Add a head nod or friendly expression when making eye contact to signal non-aggression.
Men often dislike being stared at; a nod clarifies intent.
one person who lived it
If you have a neutral facial expression that looks like disagreement, warn colleagues about it to prevent misunderstandings.
It prevents people from thinking you are mulishly disagreeing when you are just thinking deeply.
- One approach that helped: warning people at new jobs.
one person who lived it
Ask strangers simple questions, like the time, to realize that rejection is often due to their bad day, not you.
one person who lived it
View potential partners as equals rather than superior beings to create an equal playing field.
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Reframe acting embarrassing or weird as giving others a story to tell rather than a source of shame.
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Understand who you are interacting with to know why the interaction matters, which provides a blueprint to relax into.
Knowing why the interaction matters gives you a blueprint to relax into.
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Maintain emotional neutrality in volatile situations to control the room.
Calmness wins; aggressive people are often afraid, and staying calm quiet makes others forget you exist.
one person who lived it
Never apologize for holding a distinct view; voice respectful disagreement when needed.
- Be respectful of course.
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Speak up against misogyny, sexism, or racism rather than remaining a bystander.
It is viewed as highly attractive behavior.
one person who lived it
Demonstrate your abilities quietly without boasting, allowing your work to show your value.
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Handle negative comments or ridicule calmly without crumbling.
A confident person doesn't need external approval.
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Offer sincere compliments occasionally, particularly when someone is feeling down.
Sincerity works wonders in these moments, whereas flattery does not.
one person who lived it
Avoid constant bragging, competing, apologizing, lacking boundaries, and compliment hunting.
These behaviors unintentionally announce insecurity.
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Seek out ideas that challenge your beliefs and stop criticizing others.
Avoiding challenging ideas and constantly criticizing others signals a limited understanding of the world and appears toxic.
one person who lived it
Listen to suggestions and criticism to identify improvements, rather than assuming you are already perfect.
Arrogant people believe they need no improvement; confident people remain open to growth.
one person who lived it
Brush off objectively awkward moments without overreacting, complaining, or criticizing yourself.
It prevents creating social awkwardness and helps you remain solid.
one person who lived it
Respond to jokes about your appearance with dismissive humor, such as questioning the joke's creativity.
Making fun of someone's looks is considered low and stupid.
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Approach conversations with the mindset that you are neither superior nor inferior to others, while respecting their right to decline your requests.
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Focus on behavior rather than feelings when dealing with self-consciousness; step forward and engage instead of using coping mechanisms like looking at your phone.
Understanding your reflexes helps you override avoidance behaviors.
one person who lived it
Interact with others using your authentic self, avoiding fake voices or personas.
one person who lived it
Act with integrity by keeping your word, taking responsibility, and showing respect to others.
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Read 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck' to help manage insecurity.
One source recommended this book for this purpose.
- Based on a single recommendation.
one person who lived it
Read inspiring texts like 'The Man in the Arena' to pump yourself up against the fear of failure.
One person found it helped them get pumped up when worrying about failure.
- Based on a single personal preference.
one person who lived it
Adopt the mindset of 'practice makes progress' rather than 'fake it till you make it'.
Every single step taken toward a goal makes you better than what you were yesterday.
one person who lived it
Take your time with career building and self-improvement, recognizing that starting young allows for gradual progress.
One person noted starting from zero at 18 and taking their time to reach their goals.
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Take up volunteer work or take a job while you decide on future steps like university.
Give yourself some time.
one person who lived it
Balance contentment with a desire for progress to avoid falling complacent.
Being fully content can lead to complacency, which is not good.
one person who lived it
Surround yourself with uplifting voices such as books, podcasts, mentors, or supportive online communities.
These sources provide support and lift you up.
one person who lived it
Combat fear with curiosity by investigating what really happens instead of avoiding risks.
Curiosity allows you to see what really happens, whereas fear only warns of potential hurt.
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Research thoroughly before making decisions to consider all options, and view every decision, even bad ones, as a source of knowledge and experience.
It helps you consider everything better and gain knowledge from real experiences.
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If you fear practical interactions, allow life's necessities to force engagement until you become desensitized.
One person reported becoming less afraid of practical interactions over a couple of years because life forced them to deal with them.
one person who lived it
confidence, confident, through, genuine94
Build competence and experience in a specific field to naturally increase self-assurance.
Build confidence by trusting that you will be okay even if you fail at a task.
Confidence boils down to self-trust.
one person who lived it
Exercise regularly to boost self-esteem and confidence.
It adds a boost to self-esteem and helps how you see yourself, even if you do not become super fit.
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Treat confidence as a role you are playing to help the behavior become habitual.
Repeating the act can turn it into a genuine habit over time.
- Overdoing the performance may come across as strange.
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- Practice acting confident until the behavior becomes natural, but be careful not to cross into arrogance.1
Find hobbies you enjoy to boost your confidence and ensure your happiness comes from within rather than relying on others.
Doing things you like will boost your confidence.
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Put in actual work to build skills rather than just faking confidence.
People may see through a facade of fake self-confidence if there is no substance behind it.
one person who lived it
- Seek genuine achievements rather than faking confidence, as real confidence comes naturally from accomplishment.1
Accept that confidence is a spectrum and varies from day to day.
It is normal to be confident some days and not others.
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- Recognize that confidence is situational rather than a fixed trait.1
Create a list of tasks you know need to be done and complete them.
Completing necessary tasks builds confidence.
one person who lived it
Go to the gym to increase physical strength and fitness, which one person claims will increase confidence 10 fold.
Physical strength and fitness are claimed to increase confidence.
one person who lived it
Walk and dress as if you had the body you desired previously to regain confidence.
One person reported this restored their confidence after self-reflection.
one person who lived it
Boost self-esteem via a hobby you enjoy or excel at.
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- Develop genuine self-assurance by drilling skills where you currently lack proficiency until you master them.4
Put yourself out of your comfort zone by trying new activities, camps, and travels.
Leaving your comfort zone leads to satisfaction with what you've done, which leads to confidence.
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- Take on opportunities outside your comfort zone, such as changing jobs, to learn new things.1
Remember that you will still have yourself at the end of the day, even if you mess up.
This reminder helps reduce nervousness about not being confident enough.
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- Treat confidence as a skill built from repetitions of awkwardness and rejection, not a personality trait.1
Fake confidence while building real confidence by starting a worthwhile hobby like gym, art, or board games.
That is how you will become confident.
one person who lived it
Consider taking an improv class to help with confidence.
It has been heard to help tremendously.
one person who lived it
Use your confidence to get what you want.
Every time you succeed, it improves your confidence.
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- Build confidence by pushing your boundaries, getting things done, and doing them well.1
Cultivate the confidence and bravery you felt while abroad within your local life in the States.
Being removed from old lives can foster less fear and more bravery, which may attract others; this trait can be maintained locally.
one person who lived it
To feel confident in work or study scenarios, ensure you are thoroughly competent in the subject matter.
It is the easiest way to be confident; there is no need to fake it.
one person who lived it
Understand that confidence comes from surviving many rejections, not from lacking fear.
Confidence is defined as having been rejected many times and still being okay.
one person who lived it
- Build confidence by becoming comfortable with your imperfections, potential failure, and rejection.1
Step out of your comfort zone and do the things you are most terrified of to build confidence through experience.
Confidence comes afterwards when you take risks and continue despite initial setbacks.
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- Earn confidence by completing challenges and becoming good at things, as it will not appear on its own.1
- Jump into scary situations to develop confidence.1
- Act on uncertain ventures, like pitching ideas or launching a company, to gain assurance through doing.3
- Take scary actions repeatedly to build confidence.2
- Take action even when unconfident to build confidence from the inside out, rather than waiting to feel ready.1
- Build confidence by starting with the easiest tasks and gradually attempting more difficult ones.1
Act confident and believe in yourself until that belief becomes reality.
Adopting a 'fake it till you make it' mindset can lead to internalizing confidence.
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- Act confidently by asking what a confident person would do and doing it, even if you have to pretend.2
- If you struggle with confidence, visualize what it feels like and practice acting that way until it becomes real.1
- Behave as the self-assured individual you aspire to be, closing the gap between your present state and that ideal image.3
- Practice acting confidently through small actions like maintaining eye contact and speaking clearly; even if it feels fake at first, consistent practice will make your body accept it as normal.1
Set consistent, doable targets and build on small victories to grow confidence through doing.
Confidence grows through doing, and accomplishing smaller goals first helps challenge negative self-talk.
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Do 30 minutes of cardio daily.
It helps shake off heavy, self-critical feelings associated with low confidence.
one person who lived it
Keep working on the activities and traits that make you confident.
The more you do this, the longer confidence lasts and the bigger part of your identity it becomes.
one person who lived it
Ask obvious questions and do not care if others think you are dumb.
This builds confidence by removing insecurity.
one person who lived it
Build competence and experience in a specific field to naturally increase self-assurance.
Self-assurance in a specific area increases as you gain competence.
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- Become competent in a skill to gain confidence in performing it.1
One person found that taking nudes and admiring themselves always worked to boost confidence.
The person reported it always worked for them to feel like a 'sexy, bad bitch'.
- This is a single person's experience.
one person who lived it
One person reported that learning to skydive drastically increased their confidence when they were struggling.
The person stated their entire life changed and they became more confident than ever after taking this advice.
- This is a single person's experience; results may vary.
one person who lived it
Practice a skill you enjoy until you become competent at it.
Confidence is earned through genuine competence rather than being unearned arrogance.
one person who lived it
- Practice social situations regularly to develop confidence as a skill.1
Embrace minor imperfections and laugh at yourself to show confidence without effort, but do not overdo it.
This helps you own your flaws and display effortless confidence.
- Do not overdo it.
one person who lived it
Stand tall with shoulders back and chin up to project genuine self-assurance.
Confidence is attractive, distinct from cockiness, and matters regardless of height.
one person who lived it
Take a theatre class to improve self-confidence through practice.
Theatre practice improved one person's self-confidence in unexpected ways.
one person who lived it
Smile every day, even if you do not feel like it, to project confidence.
Smiling can instantly change your confidence level and project confidence to others.
one person who lived it
Live true to your virtues and provide value to the world rather than just letting life happen, so you have genuine reasons to be confident.
If you are not providing value or attempting to live as your best version, you cannot expect to feel good enough.
one person who lived it
Find a personal style choice, like long acrylic nails, that boosts your confidence.
It can serve as a personal confidence booster.
one person who lived it
Take action to fuel confidence, as it is an acquired trait rather than a personality trait.
Action fuels confidence.
one person who lived it
When encountering setbacks or challenges, do not be discouraged; instead, learn from them to boost self-confidence.
Learning from setbacks helps boost self-confidence.
one person who lived it
Work to gain confidence in specific domains, such as work or the gym, to translate that confidence into the rest of your life.
Confidence gained in specific areas can translate into general life confidence.
one person who lived it
Build lasting self-assurance by daring to be authentic and embracing your imperfections with affection.
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If you feel insecure about your intelligence or abilities, adopt a confident alter ego and ask yourself what that persona would do in the situation.
One person reported this works for them.
one person who lived it
Value yourself and others by character and actions rather than appearance.
Confidence comes from confidence in your own character and capabilities.
one person who lived it
One approach that helped build confidence: realize that everyone is human because we are all born and die the same way.
one person who lived it
Act overconfident in a comedic way until it becomes real.
This approach helped one person.
one person who lived it
Stop evaluating your performance in social situations and stay present in the moment.
Dropping the evaluation allows confidence to become second nature.
one person who lived it
Watch videos by YouTuber JulienHimself for confidence advice.
One person found his videos hit them the most.
one person who lived it
Define confidence as believing you will keep trying and accepting that you are not always right.
one person who lived it
- Define confidence as knowing the value of your word and having the ability to walk away when you are wasting time.1
Prepare thoroughly for tasks to build knowledge-backed confidence, but learn to let go of the need to prepare for every single possibility to free up energy.
Preparation makes self-confidence soar; letting go frees up energy and headspace.
one person who lived it
Practice confident habits, postures, and thought patterns while mastering skills.
Mastery builds a cycle of confidence, but practicing confident behaviors helps you get there in the meantime.
one person who lived it
Distinguish self-confidence from ego by viewing confidence as an internal sense of value that remains when challenged, whereas ego relies on convincing others and is easily bruised.
3 people, independently
Study body language to improve interpersonal skills and confidence, but avoid power posing and attempts at social domination.
Studying body language improved one person's skills and confidence; power posing studies are flawed and unreproducible; social domination attempts are irritating.
- Power posing is considered flawed and its results cannot be recreated.
- Attempts at social domination irritate others.
one person who lived it
Start with small challenges to secure regular wins, then gradually increase the difficulty to build confidence.
Experiencing new wins activates confidence.
one person who lived it
Build discipline in areas like fitness, studying languages, and reading to gain natural confidence in your body and opinions through self-care and achievement.
One person reported feeling most confident in their body and opinions when physically fit, reading extensively, and studying two languages.
one person who lived it
Build confidence like momentum by starting with small actions, such as making your bed.
Small actions can lead to larger organizational joy.
one person who lived it
Stop seeking external validation; seek internal validation by setting and accomplishing personal goals.
Accomplishing goals leads to natural confidence.
one person who lived it
Define confidence as believing you can do the job, and distinguish it from arrogance, which is wanting others to know you can do it.
one person who lived it
Exhibit confident body language to begin feeling more confident.
Studies show this effect.
one person who lived it
Improve confidence by using exposure therapy to step out of your comfort zone and maintaining a gym routine.
Exposure therapy and leaving the comfort zone drastically improve confidence.
one person who lived it
Take up physical activity that requires significant effort to master to build physical confidence and comfort in existing in space.
It builds physical confidence and makes you feel better, even if it does not change how others perceive your attractiveness.
one person who lived it
Achieve your goals to build confidence naturally.
Building confidence this way creates momentum and satisfaction with yourself.
one person who lived it
Give yourself genuine values rather than fake ones; honesty is what confidence is.
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Make self-development a hobby.
Confidence comes naturally from this process.
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Use humor in conversation to signal confidence.
Being humorous involves risk.
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Build confidence on an understanding of your abilities and accomplishments rather than ungrounded self-love.
Confidence stems from grounded understanding of abilities, whereas being full of oneself is often just ungrounded self-love.
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Accumulate evidence of your ability to handle difficult things to build a belief that you can handle subsequent challenges.
Accumulating evidence creates a belief in your ability to handle subsequent things.
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Improve your physical appearance and posture to allow confidence to emerge naturally.
Developing yourself makes confidence natural rather than faked.
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Develop charisma as a skill.
Increasing charisma increases confidence.
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View confidence as genuine authenticity rather than dishonesty.
Confidence allows you to be genuine, whereas false confidence is dishonest.
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Pick small projects to complete to develop confidence.
Developing confidence reduces awkwardness.
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Cultivate confidence through habits and consistency by avoiding doubts, as doubt prevents consistency.
Doubt undermines the consistency needed to build confidence.
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View confidence as knowing you will be okay regardless of what happens, rather than assuming everything will go great.
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Build confidence by going to public places alone, such as eating at restaurants by yourself.
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Place sticky notes with positive messages about yourself on your mirrors to reinforce confidence through repeated exposure.
Reading these messages while looking in the mirror increased confidence for one person.
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Consult a therapist or counselor focused on building confidence if necessary.
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Avoid being indecisive about everything.
Indecisiveness shows people your lack of confidence.
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appearance, wear, dress, outfit12
Wear flattering clothes and dress well.
A sharp outfit earns respect. Aligning your appearance with how you wish to feel can have a subtle impact; one person found that dressing better boosted their mental and physical confidence.
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Wear formal or 'successful' clothing to change how you feel and how others treat you.
People treat you differently when you dress formally.
- Dressing inappropriately (e.g., as an astronaut) can lead to negative consequences like getting fired.
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Wear nice, clean clothes and keep a grooming routine to increase self-confidence.
Looking good helps you feel confident.
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Focus on things you can change, such as your outfit and hobbies, rather than worrying about your height.
Height is not everything.
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Dress up or wear a bold accessory to feel like a new person.
A new outfit can change how you perceive yourself.
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Wear a perfume or cologne that you find pleasant to feel awesome.
It makes you feel awesome.
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Brush your teeth and comb your hair every morning.
These are non-negotiable aspects of appearance.
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Focus on your personality, hobbies, and sense of humor rather than physical appearance.
These traits define who you are and are what really matters.
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Avoid diminishing phrases like 'just' or 'I was wondering'.
Using 'just' can make your desires seem unimportant; starting with 'I was wondering' may make you sound doubtful rather than polite.
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Dress well to demonstrate that you care about your appearance.
Being well-dressed projects more confidence than casual or eccentric attire.
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Pay attention to detail in your appearance, such as regular haircuts, no bad breath, and crisp dress shirts.
Attention to detail is paramount in a legal environment.
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Keep a clean-shaven look with a nice haircut to appear professional and attractive if you cannot grow a full beard.
A clean-shaven appearance is widely considered professional and attractive.
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outcome, likely, people, mistakes32
Recognize that others are too focused on their own concerns to care about your mistakes.
Trust that you were acting even when you didn't believe in yourself.
That is the part worth trusting.
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Pretend competence until you achieve it.
It is simple and considered the best advice by some.
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Keep in mind the spotlight effect: most people are focused on their own concerns rather than watching you.
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- Recognize that others are too focused on their own concerns to care about your mistakes.6
Realize that most tasks and outcomes are unimportant, so you might as well try.
Most of it doesn't matter.
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Fake it until you make it, and stop worrying about what others think, as they likely feel the same way.
Chances are, the people around you feel the same way you do.
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Repeat small successes to lead to bigger ones.
Failures will not sting as much as they used to.
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- Practice 'failing forward' by viewing setbacks as small victories, little goals, or baby steps, recognizing that two steps forward and one step back is still progress.6
- Use failure as a learning experience and keep practicing.1
If you are terrified of a task, rehearse the scenarios in your head beforehand.
No one else will know how much you have prepared.
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Copy behaviors you observe in others, attempt to reproduce them, and work out the results.
This process allows your brain to rewire as it learns new skills.
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View embarking on a journey as a success in itself, regardless of the outcome.
Everyone fails, so what matters is believing the journey itself is a success.
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Try different things with conviction, understanding that many others are also 'faking it' and do not know the answers either.
Others are often just trying things out with conviction despite not knowing the outcome.
- Do not fool yourself into thinking those who appear confident are not also faking it.
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Embrace the realization that others do not care about your actions to remove the fear of embarrassment.
It creates a magical sense of freedom.
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Remind yourself that others likely do not care about your minor mishaps or judgments.
Others may not care or may not even be aware of your actions.
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Remind yourself that you are unlikely to see people judging you again, so their opinions have no long-term consequence.
It is rare to bump into someone from a holiday or temporary location later in life.
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Pretend you know what you are doing.
One person reported that this usually works.
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Treat 'faking it' as exposure therapy.
It works.
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Offer yourself the same compassion you would show someone else facing difficulties.
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Focus on knowing you will be fine if you fail, rather than believing you won't fail.
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Recognize that assuming everyone is scrutinizing your every move has a narcissistic element, as few people care enough to do so.
It helps to see why anyone other than close family would care about your every move.
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When worrying, ask yourself what the worst possible outcome is to realize that unless it involves death, the situation is likely not worth stressing over.
The worst-case scenario is usually not that bad.
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Trust that you will come out of difficult situations for the better, even if you do not know what you are doing.
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Do the task despite doubt, accepting that either success or learning is a valuable outcome.
Both succeeding and learning from failure are valuable outcomes.
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Remind yourself that people will not remember minor details about your behavior, such as how you are sitting.
In everyday situations like work or class, no one remembers these details.
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Start speaking publicly to slowly wither away the fear of what others think.
Speaking causes the worry about others' opinions to diminish over time.
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When starting something new, voice your uncertainty to receive encouragement and help.
It allows others to provide in-the-moment reassurance and advice.
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Tell people you are practicing the language so they expect mistakes.
This reduces worry about errors because the listener is prepared for them.
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Recognize that you and most other people are competent and capable, and treat everyone accordingly.
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Treat approaching strangers and social interactions like a gym for your mind, viewing every conversation and failure as part of the training.
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Acknowledge that struggling with a task is the initial stage toward becoming moderately skilled.
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Recognize that the difference between the weakest and strongest punch is negligible, and extrapolate this to other areas of life to move forward unencumbered by fear.
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speaking, space, makes, stand26
Leave your safe space behind and engage in activities that trigger discomfort.
Remind yourself every second to keep your shoulders back, head up, speak loudly, and make eye contact.
One person became unrecognizable after doing this for a week.
- You will forget at times, so you must remind yourself again.
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Before doing something, stand up straight with hands on hips in a superman pose and take deep breaths for about 30 seconds in private.
You'll be surprised by the effect.
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Stand with your chest out, palms open, and feet shoulder-length apart to signal that you are not a threat.
This posture unconsciously tells others you are not a threat.
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Keep your living space clean to get your life together.
to get your shit together
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Take martial arts classes, such as Jiu Jitsu or Tae Kwon Do.
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Keep your head up, maintain eye contact, and smile or nod instead of looking down.
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- Keep your eyes at eye-level height even if you are not looking directly at anyone.1
- Maintain eye contact with the person you are speaking to rather than looking away.2
Go for a walk and say 'Good morning' to random people you pass, without stopping to talk.
It avoids the risk of awkwardness.
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Go to sleep early and drink water.
It helps refresh you.
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Act confident even when you are shaking inside to grow beyond your comfort zone.
Eventually the shaking stops.
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- Leave your safe space behind and engage in activities that trigger discomfort.64
If you struggle with low confidence, try walking with your head up and smiling at people, even if you have to fake it initially.
It can create an aura of intrepidity that makes people notice you and helps spark conversations with strangers.
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Take up space comfortably rather than making yourself small.
Uncomfortable people tend to shrink.
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Be concise in your language.
Being concise helps project confidence.
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Honestly admit nervousness before speaking to stand out more than fake confidence does.
Simple honesty disarms listeners and makes you stand out.
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Speak up in meetings or class even if your voice shakes, focusing on the content rather than how you sound.
Others generally do not notice or care about nervousness, and speaking brings personal satisfaction with the content.
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Wake up by stretching dramatically, opening blinds slowly, and avoiding phone use.
It replaces snoozing and cursing with a positive vibe.
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Pause before speaking rather than stammering immediately.
Pausing is seen as a sign of confidence.
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Maintain an upright posture with shoulders pulled back and chin lifted.
Observers will perceive you directly instead of the protective barrier you might otherwise present.
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Smile during cold showers to boost confidence and prove resilience against discomfort.
Smiling during the session boosted confidence.
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Act as if you are a different person in social situations to help build confidence.
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Walk briskly and purposefully, avoiding both hurried scurrying and slouching along slowly.
It makes you feel more energetic.
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View Amy Cuddy's TED Talk regarding how body language influences identity.
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Incorporate cold showers into your routine, starting with warm water and switching to cold.
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Use exposure therapy techniques by putting yourself in anxiety-causing situations in very small steps.
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people, social, meet, asking29
Be clear about your intentions early on, such as stating you would like to go on a date, to avoid wasting time or playing games.
Do things alone, such as going to bars or restaurants, until you get used to it.
Becoming comfortable being alone builds confidence and can make others more drawn to you.
- It may feel weird initially and some people might stare at you.
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Be content with who you are so you do not 'need' anything from the people you meet.
One person reported that this made them relaxed and naturally attracted to others.
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Spend time with upbeat people to improve your mood and results.
The people you hang around have a dramatic effect on your results.
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Force yourself into situations with no script, such as cold calling, to get out of your comfort zone.
One person found this helped them get out of their comfort zone.
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Practice talking to strangers in low-stakes environments where you won't see them again.
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If you struggle with social approach, try dressing well so your clothes do the talking for you.
People may approach you instead of you having to initiate.
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Be clear about your intentions early on, such as stating you would like to go on a date, to avoid wasting time or playing games.
Clarity helps ensure people do not waste each other's time if they are looking for different things.
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Ask friends to hang out with you one-on-one instead of in a group to get to know them better.
It helps you strengthen individual bonds and understand each friend separately.
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Start conversing more with strangers, colleagues, friends, and allies.
It'll help boost your confidence too.
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Take up volunteer work, such as at a bike co-op, to meet eccentric people who accept quirks.
Seeing others act confidently despite being eccentric can help you realize how much you are holding yourself back.
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Join interest-based groups like fitness clubs or hobby groups to meet people who are already committed to showing up.
These groups tend to attract people who want to connect with others sharing their interests.
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Let others talk about themselves more.
Making people feel important leads to more people liking you, more friends/connections, and more confidence.
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Ask people questions about themselves, such as their favorite team or how they are doing, to show interest.
People love to talk about themselves, and asking shows interest which often leads them to ask you in return out of courtesy.
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Use go-to safe topics and ask questions about the other person during small talk.
People love to talk about themselves.
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Join a voluntary organization.
Having people appreciate skills that come easily to you can help.
- Based on one person's experience
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Approach people you are interested in, accepting that rejection is a simple 'no' rather than a catastrophe.
Taking risks can lead to success and increased confidence; people may respect you more for being bold.
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Figure out yourself first rather than faking confidence to fit in with incompatible people.
Lack of friends is often due to surrounding yourself with incompatible people, not a lack of confidence.
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Ask people to share their stories instead of telling your own to build connection.
People appreciate an interested listener more than a storyteller.
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Give your phone number instead of asking for hers to ensure mutual interest.
If she texts you, her interest is confirmed.
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Take up activities like dance or theater to mingle with other 'weirdos' and learn to synchronize social behaviors.
It allows you to mingle with similar people and learn to synchronize and control social behaviors with others.
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Look for appreciable qualities in people to make smiles and interactions feel genuine.
If you aren't looking for good qualities to appreciate, you aren't going to find happiness.
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Practice casual conversation with everyone you meet, such as cashiers or strangers in line, to build social fluency.
Social skills improve with practice, similar to any other skill.
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- Approach people and practice social interactions repeatedly to gain experience.1
Practice socializing with patient older people, such as retired men or older women, by being upfront about your lack of skill and asking about their lives.
They are often patient and would love some social interaction.
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Practice socializing with a confident mindset to make your reactions feel natural and unforced.
It helps reactions appear natural and unforced.
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Join a community with shared interests or hobbies to help with shyness and improve communication.
To help shyness and communicate better.
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Discuss your beliefs for self-growth only with trustworthy people, avoiding philosophical opponents who may become defensive or misinterpret you.
Approaching others with these questions can scare them and cause defensiveness; trustworthy partners are better for growth.
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Boost your energy for social interactions by exercising, drinking coffee or tea, and listening to upbeat music.
Getting pumped with energy helps.
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Focus on connecting with other humans rather than seeking acceptance or fearing rejection when initiating conversations.
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Approach job interviews with the mindset that you belong and are the perfect fit.
Employers will pick up on this confidence.
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Own charm and communication skills as legitimate job talents rather than viewing them as faking it.
These abilities allow you to communicate clearly and put others at ease.
- This applies unless your job involves no human contact.
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Acknowledge the work you have put in to reach your current position.
It makes you feel confident.
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Remind yourself that leadership signed off on hiring you because they validated your qualifications and wanted you in the role.
Getting hired means they thought you were qualified.
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Act as a consummate team player by consulting smarter coworkers, taking all critiques seriously, and publicly acknowledging team contributions.
This approach helped one person be valued far beyond their perceived capabilities.
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posture, back, straight, shoulders9
Stand straight with shoulders pulled back and chin lifted to maintain an upright posture.
Focus on carrying your weight properly to improve posture.
It makes you feel like the world isn't constantly crushing you down.
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Build good posture through resistance training.
It can make you feel more confident and help others form a positive first impression of you.
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Work out your back or torso muscles.
It helps.
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Own your height and physical traits proudly rather than trying to look smaller.
One person reported receiving more attention after stopping slumped posture.
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Walk with straight posture, shoulders back, chin slightly up, and look at the horizon rather than the ground to project and feel confidence.
High-power poses and straightening your back can increase confidence and give others the impression that you are confident.
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Use yoga or stretching to correct posture faults, keeping shoulders back and back straight while looking relaxed.
Posture is cited as a major factor, and yoga/stretching helps correct faults.
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Stand straight with shoulders pulled back and chin lifted to maintain an upright posture.
Holding your chest high, keeping your head up, and looking ahead generally projects confidence.
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Take up weight lifting, running, or other fitness activities to improve posture, presence, and strength.
One person reported having more presence, feeling stronger, filling clothes better, having better posture, and feeling more sure of themselves.
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Hold a strong posture to boost your confidence.
Deliberately standing in a confident stance eventually results in feeling naturally more assured.
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Talk to people with the genuine goal of building a connection rather than pursuing them for sex.
Pursuing friendship while secretly wanting sex is deceptive and damages trust when discovered.
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Avoid romantic relationships with coworkers.
If the relationship does not work out or is unrequited, you have to see and work with the person every day.
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Treat your friends as collaborators rather than competitors.
When one person does better, everyone involved does better.
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Break eye contact occasionally during conversation.
Maintaining eye contact for too long can appear creepy to others.
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helped, person7
Become an expert in a narrow area of interest so you can discuss or demonstrate it for five minutes with little preparation.
Knowing your topic thoroughly builds confidence.
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Keep an open mind and use search engines to answer weird questions that pop into your head.
Searching for answers allows you to learn something new every day.
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Find educators in your field who explain complex topics in an easy-to-understand way.
One person found that watching an educator who speaks simply made the material easier to understand.
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Read 'Captivating' and 'Cues' by Vanessa Van Edwards.
Both books helped one person.
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Watch YouTube channels focused on social situations, such as those by RSDtyler and julienhimself, to help with job-related social challenges.
Watching these channels helped one person most in their job regarding social situations.
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Look at famous people who are unabashedly enthusiastic about their interests for inspiration.
Seeing such enthusiasm helped a little.
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Share interesting facts about your expertise instead of bragging about your credentials.
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Practice and rehearse what you need to say beforehand to improve your performance.
Being prepared helps me.
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Listen to English broadcasts or audiobooks to pick up pronunciation hints.
These sources contain important pronunciation tips.
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Accept that facial hair growth may be limited by genetics rather than hormones, particularly for those of Asian descent.
Genetics often play a larger role than testosterone in beard growth for certain ethnicities.
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