Going easier on yourself

Ask the person you are jealous of for advice on their methods to adopt their traits and build mutual respect.

This can end jealousy and start mutual respect.

4 people, independently

Extend to yourself the same level of kindness you would show a friend who erred; avoid being harsher on yourself than you would be on others.

14 people, independently

• Treat yourself with the same kindness you would show a close friend or younger relative.11
• Extend to yourself the same compassion and pardon you would grant a loved one who made an identical error.3

See yourself as the one listening to your inner voice, not the one speaking it.

4 people, independently

Let judgmental thoughts come and go like clouds, recognizing that you are the sky, not the clouds.

3 people, independently

Acknowledge that criticizing others often reflects traits you dislike or refuse to accept in yourself.

This behavior signals avoidance and denial, serving as a method to improve mood, add to self-worth, or protect ego by overlooking personal flaws.

6 people, independently

• Recognize that your judgments of others reflect your own values and self-assessment; if you dislike their behavior or appearance, consider whether you judge them because you have decided such traits are unacceptable in yourself.2

Remove jealousy from your life.

It poisons your soul, heart, and mind.

one person who lived it

Perform acts of service to shift your mindset from self-care to community care.

It shifts focus from 'I' to 'we' and makes a huge difference.

one person who lived it

Focus on the quality of time spent with a friend rather than the quantity.

Quality is what is important.

3 people, independently

Remind yourself that your worth is not tied to accomplishments.

4 people, independently

• Stop judging, criticizing, or blaming yourself for every situation.4

Interpret feeling cringe about your former self as a sign of personal development, maturity, and the wish to improve.

Cringe indicates dissatisfaction with past behavior and recognition that you have learned to do things differently.

9 people, independently

Keep going when you level up, even if some people become uncomfortable because they are not changing themselves.

Their discomfort stems from their own lack of change, not yours.

• The right people will support you; others may level up or stay salty.

one person who lived it

Take right action to change wrong thinking, rather than relying on right thinking to change wrong action.

Right thinking does not change wrong action; only right action changes it to right thinking.

one person who lived it

Laugh at your past mistakes instead of feeling shame.

It emphasizes your development and can make for the best stories.

3 people, independently

• Treat past incidents as lessons for self-improvement rather than sources of shame.1

If an issue will not matter in five years, do not spend more than five minutes thinking about it.

3 people, independently

Evolve from being a people-pleaser into a person of principles who acts according to their conscience rather than what others want.

Doing what your conscience tells you is good allows you to act based on what you feel is right.

one person who lived it

Treat forgiveness as a favor to yourself rather than the person who hurt you.

Holding onto anger is a burden on your own shoulders.

2 people, independently

• Focus on yourself and forgive others, recognizing that people may be struggling more than you know.1

Change your outlook if you cannot change your circumstances.

4 people, independently

• If you cannot change something you dislike, change your attitude toward it.1

View every tough moment as practice rather than a performance.

There is no single make-or-break performance.

one person who lived it

Accept that all situations and relationships are temporary; enjoy them while they last and do not cling when they change.

Everything ends whether it is good or bad.

2 people, independently

Treat yourself kindly and offer self-compassion when envy arises, viewing it as a sign of unresolved inner pain instead of criticizing yourself.

Envy frequently signals a deeper injury or a deficit in self-kindness.

3 people, independently

Reflect on your own faults to increase your tolerance for others' mistakes.

Realizing that others do not get mad at you for similar faults can change your tolerance.

• This is based on one person's personal realization.

one person who lived it

Adopt the mindset that you cannot judge others because you lack knowledge of their full context.

We have very limited insight into what drives other people or the circumstances they face.

3 people, independently

• Remind yourself that others may be unaware of their own context, like fish unaware of water.1

Let go of self-enforced limitations to feel the freedom and carefreeness you perceive in others.

You give others permission to feel these ways in your head; you can do the same for yourself.

one person who lived it

Ask yourself 'why do I care?' or 'why does it matter?' when judging others.

Often you do not have to live in the situation you are judging.

one person who lived it

Study the Enneagram Type 1 to help stop judging people.

One person found it helped them stop judging people.

one person who lived it

Trust the people you do not want to lose by letting them do what they want.

It makes you a better, easygoing person.

one person who lived it

Do not take yourself or life too seriously.

It has done wonders for me.

one person who lived it

Reduce the importance you place on both praise and criticism.

Living by cheers means you will die by boos.

one person who lived it

Stop letting the opinions of strangers matter to you.

They do not lead your life.

one person who lived it

• Disregard the views of people whose counsel you would never seek.3

Value your time highly and refuse to waste it on things or people who aren't worth it.

Time is short.

one person who lived it

If you did your best, accept that nothing more could be done; if you could have been better, aim to be better next time.

What's done is done.

one person who lived it

Work with a therapist to break free from seeking external validation.

• Great therapists are hard to find.

3 people, independently

• Focus on cultivating self-love, acceptance, and internal validation.3

When you feel like failing, remind yourself that you only need to succeed once and imagine how much happier you will be when you do.

You can fail many times but only need to succeed once; focusing on future happiness helps you keep going even when you feel terrible.

one person who lived it

Consider what would cause you the greatest regret if your life ended tomorrow.

3 people, independently

Avoid framing a bad week as a psychological jinx to prevent it from turning into a month-long slump.

It can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

one person who lived it

Compare your life to those who have it worse to gain perspective and gratitude.

It provides perspective on things you take for granted.

2 people, independently

• Practice gratitude by thinking of people in worse circumstances, such as those who cannot pay bills or walk.7

Avoid letting quick impressions define your view of someone; spend more time learning about them before forming an opinion.

It is not fair to judge immediately.

3 people, independently

Stop beating yourself up for not accomplishing what you wanted.

Harsh self-criticism does not make improvement easier.

3 people, independently

Accept that others will be better at certain things than you, recognizing this as okay to avoid self-destruction.

Failing to accept this can destroy you.

one person who lived it

Know your own flaws intimately so others cannot surprise or hurt you with them.

You already know your flaws, so hearing them isn't new.

one person who lived it

Resist beating up or humiliating the person you hate, as doing so makes you a bad person and is not worth it.

It makes you a shitty person.

one person who lived it

Ask yourself if a thought is useful, discarding those that distract you from your purpose.

Many small thoughts are designed to distract us from why we are here.

one person who lived it

Ask yourself if you are willing to spend the required time, money, and effort to obtain something you desire.

You may realize you don't want it enough because the trade-offs aren't worth it.

2 people, independently

Turn off the news and focus on your own life.

Most content seen through screens is sensationalized to get attention, clicks, and money.

one person who lived it

Detach your self-worth from your blunders; view yourself as the individual who erred, rather than the error itself.

3 people, independently

View others' views as irrelevant and their actions as reflections of themselves rather than you.

7 people, independently

• View how others interact with you as a mirror of their internal state, not as an objective assessment of your worth.3
• Separate your view of yourself from the world by repeating that others' feelings or beliefs are on them, not you.1

Adjust your expectations to meet people where they are, rather than holding them to your own standards.

They may surpass your expectations once you do this.

one person who lived it

Trust that society and people generally do not care about your perceived shortcomings or technical skills as much as you think.

Nobody in real life cares.

one person who lived it

Feel pity for those who insult you, recognizing they are projecting their own pain.

It shifts the focus from feeling sorry for yourself to understanding their underlying hurt.

one person who lived it

Focus on your own well-being by reminding yourself that you are loved, worthy, and come first, rather than valuing others' opinions over your own.

Valuing others' opinions over your own leads to a life filled with heartache and madness.

one person who lived it

Stop wishing bad things on others, as it only affects you; try to imagine loving your enemy to move toward mastery.

Wishing ill will does not affect the target but only affects yourself.

one person who lived it

Change your thoughts and perceptions to change your feelings, recognizing that harboring a grudge only destroys you.

Harboring a grudge only destroys you.

one person who lived it

Focus on your effort and attitude, not the outcome, since outcomes involve too much chaos to control.

Outcomes are uncontrollable due to chaos.

one person who lived it

Power through rejection by picking yourself up and keeping going, rather than letting it stop you.

The difference between those who struggle and those who don't is that the latter do not let rejection stop them.

one person who lived it

Adopt the perspective that nothing is inherently good or evil, but only appears so through your perception.

Things are only good or evil based on our perception of what those terms are supposed to be.

one person who lived it

Don't put people on a pedestal; remember they are flawed humans who shit and bleed just like you.

People are subject to the same physical realities and flaws as everyone else.

one person who lived it

Avoid seeking revenge.

It harms both parties.

one person who lived it

Focus on being kind to yourself over pleasing others to ensure you sleep well and avoid feeling terrible.

Being nice to others at your own expense leads to feeling like shit, whereas being nice to yourself leads to sleeping well.

one person who lived it

Reflect on the vastness and age of the universe and how many people have been forgotten to realize current problems are insignificant.

Realizing the scale of existence makes personal problems seem meaningless.

• This is one person's perspective ('I think about... I realize').

one person who lived it

Do not beat yourself up for having emotions that do not make sense; reflect on them and learn from the experience.

Reflecting and learning ensures you only win.

one person who lived it

Treat embarrassment as a signal that you have found a guardrail and learned the price of failure.

It indicates you have grown and can move forward with confidence.

one person who lived it

Develop self-love as a routine by gradually learning to accept yourself.

38 people, independently

Focus on thoughts about people's good qualities to feel like a better person yourself.

Thinking good thoughts makes you feel like a better person.

one person who lived it

When plans fail, fix what you can and let go of the rest instead of worrying.

Worrying accomplishes nothing.

one person who lived it

Stop hating people who do not know you exist.

It accomplishes nothing except holding you back and filling you with bitterness.

one person who lived it

Create value for others rather than expecting things from them.

Expecting things from others gives up your control and power, while creating helps you forget your problems and helps others forget theirs.

one person who lived it

Look up Human Design to understand if your reaction to living wrongly explains your envy.

It explained to one person that they were not a bad person, just reacting to living wrongly.

• Disregard if you are staunchly against esoterics.

one person who lived it

Identify helpful personality traits from your past self that you may have lost and consider incorporating them.

Your past self is part of who you are now and may hold traits worth reclaiming.

one person who lived it

Treat everyone you meet as a mystery rather than forming a preconceived vision of them, which can lead to negative treatment and failure.

Judgment causes you to act like you know someone when you do not.

one person who lived it

Address the root cause of envy by examining your beliefs about what you lack and confronting limiting beliefs, rather than just coping with the feeling.

4 people, independently

Read biographies of famous people to realize that those who 'have everything' are often unhappy.

Seeing that wealthy or famous people are often unhappy can help with self-work.

one person who lived it

Use the mantras 'not my pig, not my farm' or 'not my clown, not my fiesta' to keep perspective on things not your responsibility.

It helps keep the right perspective.

one person who lived it

If you identify as highly sensitive, reframe it as a superpower to be honored and protected rather than a defect.

Accepting this trait allows you to lean into it instead of pushing it away or blaming yourself.

2 people, independently

Focus on your own life goals and present reality instead of observing others' paths.

12 people, independently

Practice putting yourself in others' shoes by wondering about their life, feelings, and what led them to where they are today.

It won't come naturally at first, but as life throws challenges at you, it becomes easier to relate to others' situations.

2 people, independently

• Imagine being another person to understand their feelings or actions.7

Share your life and feelings with people who feel similarly to you.

Doing anything else is willfully subjugating yourself and becoming a slave to others' definitions.

one person who lived it

Direct your effort toward things within your control, like planning your future, instead of external factors such as other people's behavior.

Jealousy can stem from expending energy on matters you cannot influence.

3 people, independently

• Stop wasting energy on jealousy and save your energy for yourself.1

Feel grateful to your enemies because they teach you about meanness you do not yet know how to overcome.

They provide lessons on meanness you haven't overcome yet.

one person who lived it

Counter envy and bitterness by listing items you appreciate to build internal well-being.

Gratitude helps you recognize what you already possess, which counters jealousy.

3 people, independently

Remind yourself that you cannot control other people and that this is a good thing.

one person who lived it

• Remind yourself that you are only entitled to take action, not to any specific outcome, whether good or bad.1
• Remind yourself that another person's disagreement or lack of apology does not define who you are.1

When you notice a decision is driven by ingrained resistance, consciously choose to change it.

This resistance is fear at its basest.

one person who lived it

Identify flaws in successful people's lives that you do not have.

Everything cancels out, and you end up caring only about your own goals.

one person who lived it

Practice gratitude by remembering you are blessed with shelter, warmth, security, and privacy, unlike those without homes.

There are people who do not have a home, so you should be thankful.

one person who lived it

Stop dwelling on past events because you cannot change them and doing so wastes energy.

It is wasted energy and emotion since you cannot change what happened without a time machine.

one person who lived it

Make the act of creating with friends the explicit goal, removing expectations for material outcomes to free yourself from coveting others' success.

Focusing on the act itself frees you from coveting transient things.

one person who lived it

Avoid judging people for things they said or did years ago; one person found this led to having more friends and greater happiness.

One person reported being generally happier and having more friends in university by doing this.

one person who lived it

Reframe failure as success in becoming who you are, and accept that 'man plans and god laughs.'

one person who lived it

Ask yourself if you can do something about the issue; if yes, act instead of worrying; if no, stop worrying because you cannot change the outcome.

5 people, independently

Be kind to people, recognizing that everyone is fighting a hard battle.

3 people, independently

Focus on changing the end of your story, not just the beginning.

one person who lived it

Distinguish between jealousy (wanting what someone has) and envy (wanting to deprive them), ensuring you do not harbor harm.

Envy involves intending harm or questioning why the other person deserves what they have.

one person who lived it

When deciding whether to do things for others, view yourself as you would a best friend to determine if you are being walked over or responding to a genuine call for help.

This perspective helps distinguish between events where you are genuinely helping and events where you are being used.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself that others likely do not remember or care about your past embarrassing moments as much as you do.

13 people, independently

Accept passing thoughts without letting them define you, then decide whether to redirect them positively or discard them.

Your thoughts doesn't define you.

one person who lived it

Give people grace for their mistakes, recognizing that everyone makes them.

An empathetic person knows we all make mistakes and can accept that.

one person who lived it

• Accept that you and others make mistakes and that perfection is unnecessary.7

Help others achieve their goals so that their victory becomes a shared victory for you as well.

Investing in someone else's success makes their achievement feel like yours too.

one person who lived it

Do not expect reciprocity for kind acts to prevent exhaustion and resentment.

Expecting return favors when none come is exhausting and leads to resenting everyone.

one person who lived it

Focus on your identity as a human being above all other roles or definitions.

When you establish this foundation, external and internal labels lose their power over you.

one person who lived it

Learn to avoid getting stuck in negative perspectives as part of navigating life.

It is described as part of the game of life.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself that most people are not thinking about you, as they are focused on their own lives.

You feel noticeable because you believe the world revolves around you, but others think similarly about themselves.

one person who lived it

Flip judgment into curiosity by asking what someone might be dealing with instead of why they act a certain way.

Curiosity pushes judgment aside.

one person who lived it

Accept uncertainty as a natural part of living a genuine life.

A therapist stated that coexisting with uncertainties is inherent to being human.

one person who lived it

Acknowledge that jealousy in friendships is a standard human reaction and avoid punishing yourself for feeling it.

Feeling excluded makes sense

3 people, independently

To heal from resentment, congratulate friends on their success and enjoy their friendship without judging whether they earned it.

Judging whether they earned it serves neither party any good.

one person who lived it

Remember that minor disappointments are often forgotten while negative reactions are remembered, to put things in perspective.

Not all bad moods are easily avoided.

• One person's experience

one person who lived it

Learn to recognize the attribution effect in yourself and others.

One person reported this improved the quality of their relationships.

• This is one person's experience.

one person who lived it

Provide honest observation and perspective instead of judging, to help people challenge their habits.

Judgments assume someone is choosing not to do the right thing, whereas outside perspective helps challenge warped views.

one person who lived it

Stop believing every thought you have, particularly judgments based on how someone looks or talks.

Judging people on appearance or speech is mostly useless.

one person who lived it

If forgiveness feels unnatural, try forgetting and reducing how much the person matters to you instead.

One approach that helped: focusing on forgetting led to greater happiness for one person who was never naturally forgiving.

• Forgiveness isn't a requirement.

one person who lived it

Recognize that judging others limits yourself by subconsciously programming you to think certain actions are beneath you.

A judgment is a limitation you place on others and therefore yourself, blocking you from trying things too.

one person who lived it

If you feel envy toward friends' wealth, remember their parents are decades older and had more time to accumulate it; your peers are likely in the same financial position as you.

Comparing yourself to older generations creates false insecurity because they had a longer timeline for wealth accumulation.

one person who lived it

Acknowledge that you are dumb as the first step towards intelligence.

one person who lived it

Consistently act kindly toward people, accepting that you do not need everyone's approval.

One person found this helped.

one person who lived it

Get curious about other people's opinions, remembering that nothing is really about you.

Most things aren't personal; it is about them.

one person who lived it

Adopt the routines you imagine your ideal self would follow, allowing your identity to gradually shift toward that person.

3 people, independently

Abandon 'main character syndrome' by realizing others are not obligated to cater to your expectations or exist for your benefit.

Hate often stems from unconscious entitlement; others are just people navigating the world like you.

one person who lived it

View the world as a positive-sum universe where others' success improves the world for you.

one person who lived it

• Concentrate on feeling happy for others' successes, understanding that their achievements do not reduce yours and that everyone merits good outcomes.3

Recognize that criticism often stems from others' insecurities or jealousy rather than your flaws.

Improving yourself can make others feel bad about their own stagnation, causing them to project their misery.

2 people, independently

Celebrate others' successes to build positive momentum, as it carries lighter energy than bitterness.

Celebrating others builds momentum for yourself.

• One person reported that this approach built no momentum and only made them feel worse.

one person who lived it

Recognize that outward success does not guarantee inner happiness or contentment.

The pressure to always succeed can prevent internal peace.

one person who lived it

Take responsibility for your own emotional state and refuse to carry burdens imposed by others.

This approach helped one person realize that other people's feelings are not their responsibility.

one person who lived it

Accept both positive and negative judgment, recognizing that judgment is neutral and essential for making decisions.

If you do not want judgment, you must forsake compliments along with insults.

one person who lived it

Shift focus to helping or serving others to reduce attention on personal feelings and perception.

Focusing on service reduces focus on how one is perceived by others.

one person who lived it

Recognize that negative feelings toward others' success are often self-hatred for not being better, and redirect that energy toward developing yourself.

Spending energy on this is useless for personal development.

one person who lived it

Accept that statistically, everyone is essentially average across all traits.

It is a mathematical truism.

one person who lived it

Focus on improving your own situation and making your own accomplishments so that you view others' success as motivation rather than a source of resentment.

Focusing on your own progress stops you from resenting others' success because their achievements do not diminish your own.

one person who lived it

Adopt the mindset that if a problem has no solution, it is already solved.

one person who lived it

Accept dualities such as joy/sorrow and gain/loss as unavoidable aspects of life.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself that objectively superior people have put in significant effort, time, energy, and sacrifice to reach their position, so try to be inspired by them instead of jealous.

They deserve that position due to their effort and sacrifice.

one person who lived it

Change your reason for using social media to learning and listening rather than seeking validation.

Likes do not amount to anything compared to learning from other people's stories.

one person who lived it

Catch yourself in the act of judging and redirect that awareness inward rather than outward.

3 people, independently

Silence your inner critic and substitute it with kindness toward yourself.

3 people, independently

Acknowledge that past events are unchangeable and direct your energy toward improving current behavior.

19 people, independently

Recall that envy is universal and that others likely covet aspects of your life.

3 people, independently

Imagine not having basic amenities like plumbing to feel gratitude.

It makes you super grateful for what you have.

one person who lived it

Define your own arenas for competition rather than chasing online attention or material status symbols.

Others will always have nicer possessions, and life is not a competition for likes.

one person who lived it

Accept that nothing matters and that life is finite, so avoid spending time being slightly irritated.

one person who lived it

Read Carol Dweck's work on growth mindset to challenge the assumption that you already possess one.

one person who lived it

Choose your words wisely, recognizing that they become your character, which defines your hard-to-change reputation.

Thoughts become words, words become character, and character defines reputation.

one person who lived it

If you are easily manipulated, introspect on where your thoughts originate to recognize manipulation attempts.

It allows you to see the effort others put into trying to elicit a desired reaction.

one person who lived it

Determine if a mistake was actually your fault before attempting to learn from it, accepting that some outcomes are beyond your control or prediction.

You cannot possibly know everything, and some situations involve others over-reacting or accidental events completely beyond your power.

one person who lived it

Avoid judging others for taking things personally to prevent your own progress from stalling due to feelings of superiority.

Judging others can derail your self-improvement because the feeling of superiority takes over.

one person who lived it

Recognize that suffering arises because the reality you want does not match the reality you got.

one person who lived it

Avoid personalizing others' behaviors or characterizing them as negative, as doing so leads to the conclusion that everyone is bad.

Personalizing and characterizing behavior as negative leads to viewing everyone negatively.

one person who lived it

Actively and intentionally celebrate the achievements of others every time you feel jealousy creeping in.

This practice, called Mudita, is described as the antidote to jealousy and envy.

one person who lived it

Be your own cheerleader by providing the support and encouragement you seek from others.

This reduces dependency on external validation.

one person who lived it

Care less about social outcomes to become more approachable and avoid actively sabotaging yourself.

Caring less reduces active self-sabotage.

one person who lived it

Seek to understand the circumstances behind others' mistakes before reacting, as hidden factors often explain behavior.

Awareness of underlying issues (like resource constraints) changes perspective.

one person who lived it

Reflect on your feelings to realize that anger toward others' success may actually be anger at yourself and sadness for your own situation.

one person who lived it

• Recognize that another person's success highlights your own pre-existing doubts rather than causing them.1

Measure success by the enjoyment and connection experienced during activities rather than by popularity or financial metrics.

one person who lived it

View mean people as already punished by their lack of likability and isolation.

Nobody really likes them.

one person who lived it

Understand that physical traits like bad teeth often relate to money, and that people's worth should not be determined by their financial situation.

one person who lived it

Recognize that lack of engagement on social media is often due to timing or algorithmic visibility, not personal rejection.

The moment may be gone or the timing of the post may have caused it to go unnoticed regardless of quality.

one person who lived it

Reflect on Louis CK's 'Everything's Amazing and Nobody's Happy' routine to reframe gratitude during frustrating situations like traffic.

It changed one person's life by helping them think differently while stuck in traffic.

one person who lived it

Allocate your finite amount of concern wisely to things that truly matter.

2 people, independently

Habitually train yourself for continuous improvement instead of waiting for immediate results.

3 people, independently

Know yourself thoroughly, including your negative side, biases, and thinking patterns.

one person who lived it

When feeling jealous or insecure, adopt a growth mindset: remember you can learn anything with time and effort, and that others' accomplishments increase them without diminishing you.

one person who lived it

Practice 'agape' love by showing kindness, compassion, mercy, and respect without expecting anything in return.

one person who lived it

Recognize that becoming another person requires relinquishing every part of yourself, including the part that wants to be them.

one person who lived it

Recognize that caring deeply about others' opinions implies a false belief that those opinions accurately judge your worth.

one person who lived it

Focus on relationships and experiences over material possessions.

6 people, independently

Recall that forming a view on every topic is unnecessary.

3 people, independently

Direct your attention to the other person's interesting qualities to stop focusing on yourself.

3 people, independently

Try bird watching using a field guide like The Peterson Field Guide.

It can be a lot of fun.

one person who lived it

Set a picture of your past self as your phone background to motivate daily improvement.

One person found this motivated them every single day.

• Based on one person's experience

one person who lived it

Turn off the water before starting plumbing work.

to prevent flooding if an error occurs

one person who lived it

Focus on becoming great at one specific skill rather than trying to be the absolute best at everything.

16 people, independently

Plan tiny, doable daily targets each evening. Hit them reliably and slowly increase the difficulty over time.

4 people, independently

• Start with very small, measurable changes like a short walk or reading a chapter, then gradually increase the step size while comparing only to yourself.1

Execute daily actions toward your goals.

Working toward progress feels better than accepting your current situation.

• Progress and change happen slowly.

one person who lived it

Step back and identify the end goal before approaching a problem.

Fixating on small details can obscure simple solutions.

one person who lived it

Place inspiring messages randomly in your planner so you encounter them when flipping to new weeks.

It provides a nice message for yourself at points throughout the year.

one person who lived it

Estimate the seconds remaining in a short wait, count down to zero, and adjust your estimate next time to turn waiting into a game.

It removes the edge of impatience and reveals how short waits actually are.

one person who lived it

Outline tasks and subtasks, predict how long each will take, and clock the actual time spent working on them to exercise your predictive capabilities.

This exercises your predictive capabilities.

one person who lived it

Practice the presentation, as this practical step actually works.

Practicing is a practical action that will actually work.

one person who lived it

Review only your past successes in social improvement to boost motivation.

It gives you a motivation boost.

one person who lived it

Start with short meditation sessions (e.g., 5 minutes) and gradually increase the duration.

8 people, independently

Write down information immediately after hearing or learning it to help with memory retention.

It helped tremendously with poor short-term memory.

one person who lived it

Keep your mind occupied with hobbies, reading, writing, or working out.

4 people, independently

Google trivial tasks or ask a colleague for help.

It overcomes embarrassment about not knowing basic procedures.

one person who lived it

Perform physical activity like walking in the forest to activate the brain.

Physical activity activates the brain.

one person who lived it

Keep your hands busy with a manual task like folding origami while watching media to avoid using your phone.

one person who lived it

Use mindfulness and meditation to prevent knee-jerk reactions and maintain control over emotions.

Meditation helps prevent knee-jerk reactions and puts things in perspective. It allows you to separate yourself from your thoughts to put mental brakes on.

3 people, independently

Take a deep breath before reacting.

It creates space to process emotions before reacting.

3 people, independently

• Take deep breaths and step back to manage emotional reactivity.4

If a situation becomes too much to handle, leave or get some fresh air.

It can do wonders.

one person who lived it

Perform a tiny physical move, like tapping a table, and state the real problem to pause before melting down.

The quick pause keeps you from melting down when your brain starts to spin.

one person who lived it

Say a neutral phrase to yourself, such as 'Well that’s neat,' to reframe the moment.

It changes your focus and helps retrain the Pavlovian response to tear up.

one person who lived it

Force yourself to say 'Oh, well' after setbacks to detach from the outcome.

The more you say it, the easier it becomes over time.

one person who lived it

Judge the situation and make a plan to manage stress.

It makes problems seem more manageable.

one person who lived it

Write down your thoughts and feelings to release them, even if it is painful.

It allows everything to come pouring out.

one person who lived it

Allow yourself to fully express emotions rather than trying to suppress them.

Other methods did not work for this person; letting it out was the only effective approach.

• This approach worked for one person who found nothing else effective.

one person who lived it

Take notes on your body and mind cues when you start to overreact so you can recognize and predict future reactions.

Once you know your body's cues, you can tell your brain what you are about to possibly do.

one person who lived it

Take life less seriously and stay calm when others lose their minds to find strength.

Noticing when you get too emotional provides incredible strength in difficult situations.

• One person's experience.

one person who lived it

Learn to see the unconscious pattern of fueling emotions with thoughts (such as worrying about being worried) happening in real time.

It is a strong, unconscious pattern that can be recognized.

one person who lived it

Take up mindfulness meditation by watching your thoughts pass without engaging or reacting to them.

It trains you to view situations objectively instead of judging them.

3 people, independently

• Practice meditation to observe thoughts manifesting in your mind without engaging with them or becoming them, allowing them to appear and disappear.8

Breathe and do not react when emotions arise.

Emotion kills logic.

one person who lived it

Start with 10 or 15 minutes of silence to process actions, extending to an hour or more during stressful times.

• Based on one person's experience

one person who lived it

Breathe, sit down, and relax your muscles when angry to lower stress levels and think clearly.

Higher stress levels reduce the ability to think clearly.

one person who lived it

If you feel like breaking down, try emulating a calm, confident character (such as Darth Vader) to distract yourself.

Focusing on playing that role distracts you from breaking down and helps fix your body language.

one person who lived it

Take a deep breath and physically reset (e.g., close eyes, splash water) to bring yourself back to the present after a mistake.

Motions are rarely good advisors and can transform manageable situations into chaotic ones.

one person who lived it

Practice mindfulness to gain perspective on your feelings.

it can really help

one person who lived it

Consider therapy to uncover the root causes of your sensitivity and develop new coping skills.

• only if it is an option for you right now

3 people, independently

Make a conscious effort to choose your response instead of reacting automatically.

It has made a significant difference in life outcomes.

• It is not easy.

one person who lived it

Meditate to slow down your mind and quiet thoughts, recognizing that obsessive thoughts are creations of the mind, not reality.

Slowing down the mind helps to slow down those thoughts or make them quieter

one person who lived it

Practice Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) by accepting reactions and choosing a valued direction instead of trying to control thoughts.

ACT teaches people to 'just notice,' accept, and embrace private events rather than controlling them.

one person who lived it

Practice relaxation techniques when you are calm or only mildly annoyed so they work when you are upset.

Perfect practice makes perfect.

one person who lived it

Switch your awareness to neutral physical sensations like the air during confrontation to keep a calm state.

The air is always present.

one person who lived it

Tell yourself you will 'cry later' to reduce pressure in the moment.

Knowing you can excuse yourself later reduces immediate pressure.

one person who lived it

Practice abdominal breathing to settle the limbic system.

The limbic system processes stress reactions like fight, flight, or shutdown.

one person who lived it

Practice calming yourself in any situation to make better decisions.

Being able to calm yourself is described as a 'cheat code' for decision-making.

one person who lived it

Practice controlled breathing: breathe in deeply, hold, and breathe out, repeating with slightly less depth each time until normal breathing returns.

Your body follows your breathing, allowing you to command your emotions.

one person who lived it

Reframe your speech as delivering factual data rather than personal expression to detach emotionally.

It takes the brain to a non-emotional state.

• Based on one person's experience

one person who lived it

Practice emotional self-control regularly.

The more you practice, the easier it gets.

one person who lived it

Act friendly and spend time around people; eventually, you will develop the feelings you are currently pretending to have.

It functions like exposure therapy.

one person who lived it

Run long distances, such as 20 miles, to build emotional toughness through physical endurance.

You will get emotionally tougher and less overwhelmed.

one person who lived it

State facts about negative events without attaching emotion, noting other neutral truths alongside them to normalize the situation.

You cannot be mad at neutral facts like the grass being green or the sky being blue; applying this logic helps accept negative events like a broken car.

one person who lived it

Breathe deeply and stretch your chest to open your body language and counteract defensive instincts.

Animal instincts default to a defensive state during pain; open body language signals calm.

one person who lived it

Chew gum or candy, or drink something, to redirect your autonomic nervous system from emotional distress to digestion.

Eating and drinking are priority functions that shift the body's focus from responding to distress to processing nutrients and preventing choking.

• This is a personal experience ('helps me sometimes').

one person who lived it

When extremely upset, use body-based practices like breathing, scents, or touch instead of trying to process logic.

The brain responds faster to physical stimuli than language or logic when really upset.

one person who lived it

Sit and listen to your feelings to accept them so they subside.

Rumination often stems from not fully feeling and accepting the emotion; listening lets it 'say its piece'.

one person who lived it

Try Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT/Tapping) to clear overwhelming emotions; one person found they could practice the routine in under 2 minutes anywhere, even privately in a restroom.

it can help clear overwhelming emotions

one person who lived it

If you feel overwhelmed, try the 'REST' technique from a DBT workbook.

one person who lived it

Identify critical internal dialogue immediately upon its onset and deliberately shift it toward a more positive tone.

41 people, independently

Surrender to situations you cannot control to take back power over what you can control and find peace.

one person who lived it

Put yourself in scenarios where rejection is likely, doing this often until the fear fades.

4 people, independently

Work on putting things in perspective to maintain composure, especially around others.

Losing control of composure can make others fear you, even if you wouldn't harm them.

one person who lived it

Use dark humor or laughter as a coping mechanism to process overwhelming empathy, explaining to others that it is an involuntary processing method.

Laughter is how some brains process these things, even if it is socially less acceptable than crying.

one person who lived it

Allow yourself to experience negative emotions without resisting or numbing them.

This willingness allows you to experience positive emotions more deeply.

one person who lived it

Practice meditation patiently over a long period until relaxed reactions become natural.

It will not work immediately, but acting this way for a long time makes it seem natural.

one person who lived it

Process emotions by pausing, getting curious about the feeling, asking why it arose and if it is true, then letting it go.

one person who lived it

Consciously slow down your physical pace and refuse to rush mundane activities.

Negative thoughts subside, stress reduces, and mistakes are countered.

one person who lived it

Consider Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to identify cognitive distortions and biases, such as black-and-white thinking or catastrophizing, and replace them with healthier thoughts.

• It is hard.

3 people, independently

• Challenge automatic negative thoughts in the moment and replace them with realistic ones using cognitive restructuring exercises.11

Use the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear to manage fear psychologically.

Although it is a work of fiction, the invocation is powerful at the psychological level.

one person who lived it

If you feel nervous talking to cashiers or vendors, imagine they are NPCs who will stick to a script.

It reduces social pressure by framing the interaction as predictable, similar to imagining an audience is naked during public speaking.

one person who lived it

Practice breathing exercises before answering or speaking to calm down.

Breathing exercises, yoga, and meditation help calm you down.

3 people, independently

Work out regularly to become comfortable with physical sensations like racing heart and sweating, which helps stay calm during criticism.

Exercise makes you accustomed to bodily sensations similar to those felt when insulted.

one person who lived it

Manage your emotions by responding rather than reacting to minor negatives.

This is crucial for maintaining stability.

one person who lived it

Discipline your emotions by focusing less on self-judgment and more on acceptance or appreciation.

This automatically and effortlessly disciplines your behavior.

one person who lived it

Repeat the mantra 'Worrying never changed the outcome' to stop ruminating on uncontrollable situations.

One person reported their life improved after repeating this for several years.

one person who lived it

Calm yourself before responding to allow your rational brain to process information objectively after the emotional reaction.

The cerebral cortex receives information afterwards, allowing for a more objective view of the situation.

one person who lived it

Repeat the phrase 'stay focused' in your head during stressful moments to make the response automatic.

Repetition burns the habit into your brain so you eventually think it automatically.

one person who lived it

Seek a therapist who can instruct you in emotional regulation techniques like CBT, DBT, and mindfulness.

3 people, independently

Define real strength as the ability to feel emotions without letting them completely control you.

2 people, independently

Visualize the scene from a third-party perspective to detach emotionally.

3 people, independently

Say 'fuck it' before performing a daring action to overcome hesitation.

One person reported this works wonders for overcoming hesitation.

one person who lived it

Maintain organization and confidence to support emotional stability.

It helps maintain peace of mind.

one person who lived it

Allow yourself to cry when needed rather than suppressing it.

Crying releases stress hormones and prevents emotions from wearing you down over time.

3 people, independently

• Allow yourself to feel emotions fully when possible to prevent buildup; if you cry in public, compose yourself and then explain why you are crying.1

When you feel chest tightness from impending tears, regulate your breathing with long, slow, controlled breaths.

This approach worked for one person.

one person who lived it

Use fidgeting, walking, drinking water, or taking breaks to help cope with the urge to cry.

These actions help most of the time.

one person who lived it

Lift your cheeks to compress your tear ducts.

This physical action seems to help reduce crying.

one person who lived it

If you struggle with crying in public, try spelling out numbers in your head to delay the urge until you are safe.

• One person reported this helped them count into the thirties before needing to cry on a bus.

one person who lived it

Look in a mirror immediately when your eyes feel wet to check if they are visibly different.

Your eyes may feel wet but not be visibly different, meaning nobody will notice.

one person who lived it

Chew gum or sweets during difficult conversations to mechanically occupy the mouth and stop tears.

• This works for some people.

3 people, independently

Instead of voicing your own opinions, ask others about their lives, such as their weekend plans or interests, to show you care.

Asking about others demonstrates that you care about their life.

one person who lived it

Intentionally cultivate friendships with positive examples from the group you hate.

One person found this helped restore their faith in the group over time.

one person who lived it

Join conversations bit by bit by responding to topics you are interested in.

The more you interact, the more natural it becomes.

one person who lived it

Delete and block the ex on all social media platforms and remove their phone numbers to eliminate access to their updates.

Removing direct access is a helpful step in a difficult process.

one person who lived it

When meeting people who are not your usual 'scene', look for common humanity to improve the experience.

One person reported having a blast after adopting this approach.

one person who lived it

Be honest about issues by stating how you feel, admitting your own faults, suggesting alternative responses, and expressing a desire to stay friends while making changes.

To preserve friendship.

one person who lived it

Read self-help blogs about communication and boundaries to help you start setting limits.

it really helps when starting out

one person who lived it

Join clubs and run for leadership positions to force social interaction, accepting that it may be distressing at first but improves with endurance.

Enduring those situations leads to improvement over time.

one person who lived it

Consult friends to identify your personal strengths, since you may overlook them yourself.

3 people, independently

Seek validation from real-life friends rather than anonymous strangers on the internet.

Real-life friends should be celebrating your wins, whereas seeking validation from anonymous strangers is identified as the issue.

one person who lived it

Observe a socially skilled friend and try to mimic their behaviors in your own style.

6 people, independently

Join mixed groups or hobbies where interactions are casual acquaintances rather than close relationships.

This reduces the weight on the relationship.

one person who lived it

If you suspect you are behaving awkwardly, ask a friend for direct feedback.

one person who lived it

Keep well-connected acquaintances in your circle for potential networking opportunities.

You never know what opportunities they might provide.

one person who lived it

Join accountability groups or find local communities of people pursuing similar goals.

3 people, independently

Take a deep breath before speaking and ask for a moment to talk later.

It helps you work out whether or not your irritation is valid.

one person who lived it

Find the main feeling behind your anger, like fear or embarrassment, instead of focusing on the anger itself.

Anger is often a reaction to a deeper real emotion.

4 people, independently

State that you are too angry to listen and take a walk to cool off before discussing further.

It helps de-escalate the situation.

2 people, independently

Accept that frustration is transient and will leave again.

It has left before and will leave again.

one person who lived it

Control your reaction and response to bad things.

You cannot change or control the bad things themselves.

one person who lived it

Recognize when your stress cup is getting full and pull yourself out of the situation if you feel yourself getting irritable.

Recognizing this was key for one person to manage their reactions.

• Based on one person's experience.

one person who lived it

Accept that annoying behaviors will likely recur; getting upset each time compounds your own rage.

Getting upset each time compounds your own rage.

one person who lived it

Practice a hobby or musical instrument until you are no longer angry.

You will end up with a new skill.

one person who lived it

Practice patience to avoid fueling tempers.

Lack of patience throws your mood off for minutes or the entire day.

one person who lived it

Do hard exercise four times a week.

It lessens irritability quite a lot.

one person who lived it

Put deliberate effort into controlling your behavior when in a bad mood.

There are no quick fixes for being rude.

one person who lived it

Ask yourself what you are really angry about to identify and deal with deeper issues.

Dealing with the deeper issue can make you more patient.

one person who lived it

Use anger to gain the confidence needed to stand up for yourself or others when you otherwise lack it.

Anger can provide confidence to change situations that upset you.

2 people, independently

Avoid showing too much emotion too early.

It can magnify the problem or feeling beyond what it really is.

one person who lived it

Write angry thoughts in a digital notebook without sending them to help get thoughts out.

It helps get thoughts out.

one person who lived it

Do not ask someone why they are in a bad mood.

It can put them in an even worse mood.

one person who lived it

If you are upset, do not brush your hair to avoid ripping it out from emotional frustration.

Brushing while upset can lead to pulling out large amounts of hair due to emotions rather than grooming needs.

one person who lived it

Treat irritability like crankiness in children by ensuring you eat and sleep well.

People get cranky when they haven't eaten or are tired, just like little kids.

one person who lived it

Sleep on feelings of jealousy for a day or two.

It helps immensely.

one person who lived it

Ask yourself if being scared, angry, or frustrated helps your current situation.

Being scared or angry does not help the situation.

one person who lived it

Seek 'Agatsu' (victory over oneself or loss of ego) to stop conflict and avoid unnecessarily hurting opponents.

Victory over ego prevents anger from taking control and sets the mind to stop conflict.

• Concept derived from Aikido and other Japanese martial arts.

one person who lived it

Hurl nonsensical insults to release stress while making it obvious you are grumpy but silly.

It makes the situation silly and signals your mood clearly.

• Use this only when you have slightly more control.

one person who lived it

When someone acts out, pause to ask why they did it rather than getting mad; this can uncover earnest reasoning.

It generally reveals earnest reasoning and a need for help learning what is appropriate.

one person who lived it

Cut contact with jealous people if possible; otherwise, limit contact and share less personal information with them.

This helps avoid triggering petty behavior from those with a history of jealousy.

• Limit contact if you do not want to burn bridges.

one person who lived it

When you feel angry, pet or play with a pet (such as a dog, cat, or hamster) to calm down.

You cannot remain angry while engaging in comforting actions like petting a purring cat or rubbing a dog's belly.

one person who lived it

Seek strong emotions from other sources, such as horror, true crime, or thrillers, instead of jealousy.

Jealousy is one way to get strong emotions, which is what you need.

one person who lived it

Avoid discussing ugly feelings like envy directly with the person at the center of those feelings.

It damages your dynamic and is nothing they can fix.

one person who lived it

Ensure you are hydrated, fed, and rested before engaging in emotional arguments.

Often blowing up is literally just because I haven’t eaten or slept funny.

one person who lived it

• Before engaging in arguments, check if you are hungry or tired.1

Immediately recognize when you are in a grumpy mood and apologize to those around you.

The faster you recognize it, the better.

one person who lived it

If you react poorly due to stress, tell people you are stressed and apologize for your uncool behavior.

• Based on one person's experience

one person who lived it

Ask yourself how much of an irritation is the irritant itself and how much is your reaction to it.

one person who lived it

Focus on quality sleep, as emotional volatility worsens when you do not get good rest.

Emotional states are definitely much worse when you don't get good sleep.

one person who lived it

Never act or make decisions when furious.

Decision-making becomes blinded by anger.

2 people, independently

• Avoid starting an argument when frustrated and refrain from making promises when happy.1
• Recognize that heightened emotional states like anger and frustration can distract you and cloud judgment.1

Avoid punching objects when angry, as it conditions yourself to hit things in response to anger and risks injury.

It conditions violent responses and can result in destroying property or hurting yourself.

one person who lived it

If you feel teary, check if you are actually angry and justified in being so; if yes, allow yourself to be angry.

one person who lived it

Avoid passive aggression and revenge plots.

Carrying the weight of negativity harms you more than the target, creating toxicity for yourself.

one person who lived it

Choose yourself over feeding corporations that profit from shock, disgust, fear, and anger.

Attention creates money, and these negative feelings create the most attention.

one person who lived it

Go to a private space and cry it out before engaging in an argument.

It releases emotional tension beforehand.

one person who lived it

Postpone arguments until you are not emotionally compromised.

Do not make lasting decisions when you are hungry or upset.

one person who lived it

Release pent-up anger through physical activity like running, air boxing, lifting weights, or punching pillows before attempting to meditate on it.

Physical release allows you to observe your anger more in meditation.

one person who lived it

Apologize right away after impulsively snapping at loved ones.

One person felt guilty whenever they treated their partner that way.

• Based on one person's experience.

one person who lived it

If you feel angry, try channeling that adrenaline into physical chores like washing dishes, gardening, or sweeping.

It directs energy toward a helpful task instead of impulsive actions.

• Does not work if the anger is caused by a partner's failure to clean.
• Some people find it doubles their anger or leads to breaking things.

one person who lived it

Clean when you are angry as a therapeutic outlet.

Angry cleaning is surprisingly effective and therapeutic.

• Angry eating is not tolerated.

one person who lived it

Separate the emotion of anger from your response; allow yourself to feel anger without acting out in rage.

Suppressing anger causes it to come out eventually as rage; healthy expression involves processing it calmly.

3 people, independently

Refuse to respond emotionally to provocations to avoid giving others power over you.

Responding emotionally gives the other person power over you.

one person who lived it

Avoid merely restraining outward reactions while internally raging, as this internal suppression is emotionally taxing.

Restraining the reaction while seething inside is incredibly emotionally taxing.

one person who lived it

Exert yourself physically with high-intensity movements like running, press-ups, or boxing to wear yourself out and release positive hormones.

Exercise releases positive hormones and can help you forget about the anger-inducing event.

one person who lived it

Read 'Meditations' by Marcus Aurelius to address fear of death.

It helped one person with the whole 'fear of death' thing.

one person who lived it

Read 'The Courage to be Disliked' to challenge your ego and cleanse your perspective.

The book acts as a gut punch to the ego, and applying its principles is cleansing.

one person who lived it

• Read 'A New Earth' by Eckhart Tolle to understand your ego.1

Take only what is helpful from self-help books rather than accepting the entire agenda as truth.

• What works for one person may not work for another.

4 people, independently

Read the Sermon on the Mount for guidance on how to treat others, including loving your enemies.

It is described as the best discourse on how to treat others.

one person who lived it

Consider adopting Stoicism as a life principle for handling events.

It is described as an important mindset that remains relevant hundreds of years later.

2 people, independently

Read 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle to understand how to practice presence.

Presence is important for understanding how you are being toxic.

one person who lived it

Read 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle to understand why minds work the way they do and view things differently.

It has interesting ideas about mind mechanics and helped one person look at things differently.

one person who lived it

Watch 'Stoic Wisdom' videos on YouTube to help manage reactions.

One person reported it helps them.

one person who lived it

Read 'The Obstacle is the Way' to gain knowledge on handling difficulties.

The book is described as insanely crammed with knowledge.

one person who lived it

Read Seneca's 'Letters From a Stoic' to realize that while you have little control over events, your reactions determine whether you are happy or upset.

Reading the book helped one person realize that managing reactions rather than events makes the difference between happiness and being upset.

one person who lived it

Study Stoic philosophy to change your perspective on envy.

It helped one person change their perspective.

one person who lived it

Read 'The Courage to Be Disliked' to adopt Adlerian psychology principles.

It helps realize that past embarrassments do not matter.

one person who lived it

Read 'Christ the Eternal Tao' to blend Eastern philosophy and Christian teachings for emotional regulation.

The perspectives in the book helped one person regulate their emotions.

one person who lived it

Read 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle to learn about feelings and overcoming irritability.

It teaches about feelings and overcoming them, including irritability.

one person who lived it

Read 'The Art of Happiness', based on interviews with the Dalai Lama.

3 people, independently

Read 'Anger and Forgiveness' by Martha Nussbaum if you enjoy reading.

The book is wholeheartedly recommended for reflection.

one person who lived it

Read up on Stoic principles, specifically Epictetus and Meditations by Aurelius.

3 people, independently

Use decent time management.

You will never have to rush, never be late, and still have time.

one person who lived it

Find a hobby that allows for deep focus and immersion to naturally slow yourself down.

It slows you down a bit.

one person who lived it

Visualize 'liquid sunlight' flowing from above your head to fill your body with ease; if you feel sleepy, focus on the source of the light.

It induces a sensation of ease.

one person who lived it

Take a relaxed one-hour skate at night to feel pleasantly worn out and experience peace.

The night offers a peaceful atmosphere for skating.

one person who lived it

Approach tasks with no expectations to make sticking to your plan easier.

Removing pressure makes it easier to maintain habits, even if the effort is minimal.

• Based on one person's experience

one person who lived it

Focus on good sleep, diet, planning, and getting things done to alleviate stress.

These habits help curb stressful lifestyles.

one person who lived it

If your brain feels lethargic from disuse, train it slowly by starting with small amounts of study and gradually increasing them throughout the day.

The brain is lethargic from non-use and requires slow training similar to physical exercise.

one person who lived it

Improve sleep by turning off the TV, turning off lights, and closing curtains before bed.

Many people sleep too little.

one person who lived it

Set aside time to relax, breathe, and meditate to counteract high stress levels.

One person reported it works.

one person who lived it

Go to a dedicated place to study or work instead of home to reduce procrastination.

Studying at home resulted in spending more than 30% of time procrastinating on tasks like cooking, eating, or watching YouTube.

one person who lived it

Reduce your business workload or stress levels to improve interactions with children.

Being less stressed makes interactions much more pleasant.

one person who lived it

Accept that you do not need to earn rest because it is a human necessity.

one person who lived it

Focus on consistent progress over intense bursts of effort to avoid the need to stop and repair.

High-intensity efforts may require stopping and repairing, whereas moderate consistency avoids this.

one person who lived it

Look for patterns in lifestyle factors, such as sleep duration and diet, that worsen your mood.

one person who lived it

Call yourself undisciplined rather than lazy.

Motivation is fickle and fades, while discipline is steadfast and persists.

one person who lived it

Maintain consistency in your progress to keep busy enough to avoid envying others.

Consistency leads to success.

one person who lived it

Start tasks immediately rather than worrying about efficiency or perfection.

Worrying about being efficient and perfect causes you to put things off instead of getting started, which is the better option.

one person who lived it

Reduce fast dopamine inputs such as notifications, short-form content, and constant multitasking.

It can make you calmer in unexpected ways.

one person who lived it

Start a regular exercise regimen.

You are probably stressed out.

one person who lived it

Recognize that low motivation is normal and happens to everyone some days, rather than acting on the negative energy passed by the ego.

The ego takes the chance when striving energy is low to put you back into a normal lifestyle using negative energy.

one person who lived it

Break down studying into smaller chunks throughout the day.

This helps reduce feeling overwhelmed while finishing the semester.

one person who lived it

Positively condition yourself to work or study by associating a specific location, such as a coffee shop, exclusively with those activities and rewards like good tea or coffee.

one person who lived it

If you need to clear your mind, try singing a song or rapping lyrics in your head.

One person found this distraction clears the mind right up.

one person who lived it

Create a playlist of songs listened to while feeling positive to help recall that feeling later.

It helps you go back to the memory and remember the feeling.

one person who lived it

Go to the gym frequently to channel pent-up energy and boost confidence.

It serves as an outlet for energy and can make you more attractive and confident.

one person who lived it

Find new hobbies, passions, and social circles outside your primary environment to reduce jealousy and shrink the dominance of that environment in your life.

One person found that moving out, making music, and finding hobbies made their workplace a tiny part of their life instead of their entire existence.

• Based on one person's experience.

one person who lived it

• Shift focus away from jealousy by engaging in distracting activities like calling a friend, gardening, reading, or researching topics.2

Focus your attention on building one specific positive relationship or fixing one thing in your life to occupy your mind.

It simplifies what you focus on and keeps your mind occupied, sometimes stopping thoughts of jealousy.

• This is one person's experience.

one person who lived it

Take up hobbies like rock hunting or DIY projects to tune out negative inner narration.

These activities allow the brain to rest and stop thinking about anything.

one person who lived it

Play music in public places, ideally where there are kids around.

Positive reactions from others can cure almost anything.

one person who lived it

Play the alphabet game by naming items in a category for each letter to focus on something enjoyable.

It serves as a coping skill and can bring a smile.

one person who lived it

Research problems women face or follow impressive women on social media to increase exposure.

It helps find where negative ideals come from.

one person who lived it

Divert your attention to productive activities, like going to the gym, to occupy your mind and prevent rumination.

Don't give yourself the time to ruminate.

one person who lived it

• Modify physical activities to require attention, such as biking outdoors or jogging, to occupy the mind.1

Take up activities that bring joy, such as dancing or recalling loving memories.

Doing things that make you feel happy and joyful helps counteract sadness.

one person who lived it

Start by focusing on yourself, then cultivate fun hobbies like art, music, or gaming.

One person found this helped when they were feeling down and lacked motivation.

one person who lived it

Vent alone, for example in your car, to release negativity without burdening others.

Once you leave that space, you can feel refreshed.

one person who lived it

Physically act out dismissing a negative thought, such as pretending to grab it and throw it away, then immediately distract yourself with another activity like singing.

One person reported this helped them move on and feel great.

• Based on one person's experience.

one person who lived it

If you struggle with people-pleasing, try doing things specifically for yourself, such as a spa day.

one person who lived it

Use negative emotions like anger or sadness as motivation for physical activity, such as jogging or lifting weights.

Negative emotions can be motivational for exercise.

• Do not take it out on others.

one person who lived it

When feeling jealous, focus on improving yourself by taking up new hobbies, interests, or outfits.

This helps you focus on yourself rather than others.

one person who lived it

Reframe negativity as impersonal events like weather to avoid taking things personally.

Viewing challenges as natural occurrences that simply happen helps prevent personalizing them.

one person who lived it

Reframe 'negative' emotions as positive by recognizing they serve a purpose.

They have a purpose.

one person who lived it

Track your daily thoughts to identify complaints and shift focus to what you are passionate about.

Shifting to passions has completely changed energy and opportunities.

one person who lived it

When experiencing a negative emotion, imagine someone else in the same situation to gain perspective on your actions.

Emotions can cloud judgment; viewing the situation from an outsider's perspective helps clarify the nature of the actions.

one person who lived it

Recognize that social media photos often hide negative realities, such as relationship problems or financial stress.

The pictures don't always reflect reality.

one person who lived it

Take up solitary physical activities like sports or gym workouts to provide an outlet for emotional intensity.

Physical activity releases endorphins.

one person who lived it

Watch space documentaries to gain perspective on the insignificance of personal problems compared to cosmic events.

Realizing supernovas and pulsars are happening makes personal problems seem trivial.

one person who lived it

Take up sports or physical activity to work out physicality and focus it towards something positive rather than bottling it up.

Physicality needs an outlet; bottling it up is negative.

one person who lived it

Listen to music for emotional comfort when feeling marginalized or mocked.

Music provides emotional comfort in these situations.

one person who lived it

Distract yourself from overwhelming emotions by thinking about random objects or funny memories.

Focusing on something non-emotional helps shift attention away from distress.

one person who lived it

Believe that rude strangers are good people having a bad day.

We all have bad days.

one person who lived it

Tell loved ones how their lack of care made you feel hurt and unseen to reveal if they are unsupportive.

It can lead them to dismiss your feelings, showing you that they 'really do suck'.

one person who lived it

Seek to understand why people say hurtful things instead of trying to force yourself to stop caring.

Understanding the motivation reduces how much the words bother you.

• You cannot simply decide to stop caring.

one person who lived it

Set boundaries and say no to prevent others from losing respect for you.

Being too nice allows people to walk over you, causing them to slowly lose their respect.

one person who lived it

Control your reaction to other people's behavior since you cannot change how they behave.

3 people, independently

Listen and commiserate with others instead of trying to solve their problems or judge them.

People may simply want to be heard rather than have their issues fixed.

one person who lived it

Stop explaining yourself to strangers or people who barely matter to you.

It helped one person develop an attitude of not caring what others think.

• This is one person's experience.

one person who lived it

Reframe social awkwardness as a sign of self-awareness.

It helps prevent doing or saying things you would regret.

one person who lived it

Reframe stern conversations or arguments as acts of care rather than criticism, recognizing that the other person may be venting frustration or trying to help.

The person giving the talk may have a job to do or is looking out for you, not trying to mock or criticize you.

one person who lived it

Practice not cutting people off by reminding yourself that what they are saying is more important than your immediate thoughts.

Prioritizing their words over your current thoughts helps avoid interrupting.

• Based on one person's practice

one person who lived it

Ask yourself what you think a person is implying about you, then ask them directly if that is what they meant.

We often react to what we think people's opinions are rather than their actual opinions.

one person who lived it

Focus on patience over being an asshole, as it is more rewarding for both you and others.

Patience is the most rewarding approach for you and others.

one person who lived it

Learn non-violent communication to express what you need in a way that avoids conflict.

It helps you say what you need without being violent, which aids in avoiding conflicts.

one person who lived it

When feeling impatient, ask if you know the full picture and if it is time to empathize to end the wait.

Adding these two considerations usually ends the wait.

one person who lived it

Ask for full background stories and explain your points in depth like a story rather than using quick facts.

This helps you appreciate and understand another person's way of thinking.

one person who lived it

Sit back and speak little so that what you do say carries more weight.

It is cooler and more effective to lay back and let others talk.

one person who lived it

Assume rude behavior stems from the other person having a bad day to create emotional distance.

It helps take a moment.

one person who lived it

• Remove your ego from interactions by assuming rude comments reflect the other person's hard time, not something done to you.1

Before pointing out a mistake, mention one small thing you like about the person to make them feel cared for.

It makes the criticism more acceptable because they feel you worry about them.

one person who lived it

Stop worrying about awkward moments by remembering that neither you nor others will remember them long-term.

They likely do not affect you at all.

2 people, independently

Slow down the conversation and pause before answering or reacting to avoid regrettable actions.

Pausing helps avoid harsh reactions.

• Others may perceive this hesitation as caution or a lack of action.

one person who lived it

Adopt a Stoic mindset to keep calm even if rude actions are intentional.

Stoicism helps maintain calm when mistreatment is on purpose.

one person who lived it

Reframe disagreements as learning moments rather than personal attacks, remembering that being wrong is simply human.

Being wrong does not mean you are stupid or less valuable; everyone is wrong constantly.

• It takes practice.

one person who lived it

Reduce fear of confrontation by realizing that most people in person will avoid conflict rather than fight immediately.

Noticing that most people avoid confrontation made one person less scared to speak their mind.

• Based on one person's observation

one person who lived it

View answering questions as an opportunity to help others learn rather than shaming them.

They wouldn't ask if the answer were easily found, and attempts to learn should never be shamed.

one person who lived it

Explain things calmly and concisely during an argument.

It gains more traction than being angry.

2 people, independently

View rudeness from others as an imitation of strength by weak people, rather than a reflection of your own worth.

Rudeness is described as the weak man's imitation of strength.

one person who lived it

Make it sound like you are fighting with your partner on the phone to discourage interruptions.

People want to interrupt you even less.

one person who lived it

Focus on how you deal with mistakes rather than the mistakes themselves, ensuring you learn and improve for next time.

Doubling down without changing your position causes you to lose good grace and respect.

one person who lived it

Ask the other person to pause and think the situation through.

Most people aspire to believe they act rationally.

one person who lived it

Provide information and then disengage from people who refuse to listen or are rude, rather than arguing.

It leads to greater happiness than fighting with strangers for nothing.

one person who lived it

Before speaking or acting, check if your thoughts are true, helpful, necessary, and kind.

It helps overcome supreme pettiness.

one person who lived it

Be both nice and assertive; do not swap niceness for assertiveness, as niceness does not mean being soft.

Niceness and assertiveness are two different things that may or may not cross.

one person who lived it

Respond to dislike with confidence by acknowledging their opinion while maintaining that you like yourself and what you are wearing.

Confidence is the key.

one person who lived it

When discussing with someone who becomes irrational, simply say 'ok' and stop arguing because it has no use.

Arguing with an irrational person clearly has no point.

one person who lived it

Decide that other people's bad attitudes are their problem, not yours, and ignore them.

It allows you to focus your energy on good things.

one person who lived it

Focus on the substance of the discussion rather than policing tone.

If your only argument is about tone, you have lost the argument or are not interested in discussion.

one person who lived it

Assert yourself firmly but politely by stating facts and consequences rather than being mean or blunt.

It works better than aggressive accusations like calling out a 'bait and switch'.

one person who lived it

Express your feelings respectfully and upfront when someone's treatment makes you uncomfortable.

People cannot change or fix their behavior if they do not know how their actions affect you.

one person who lived it

Disarm frustrated or rude people by asking if they are okay or if something is wrong, showing concern instead of retaliation.

This approach is often disarming because it shows you want to ensure their well-being rather than retaliate.

one person who lived it

Practice formulating words to defend yourself against disrespect.

It takes time and practice to learn how to set boundaries.

one person who lived it

Avoid saying 'I hear you but...' when trying to validate someone.

It negates the validation and is ineffective.

one person who lived it

Attribute negative behavior to ignorance rather than malice, assuming people are likely just stupid rather than out to get you.

Most of the time, people are probably just stupid.

one person who lived it

Ignore people who personally attack you; instead, reflect on those who disagree with you and make contrary points.

People who personally attack you generally aren't worth arguing with.

one person who lived it

Have confidence in your knowledge and prepare well, recognizing that listeners are often learning from you rather than judging you.

Listeners are often learning from the presenter, not judging them.

one person who lived it

Assume good intent regarding other people's actions, recognizing they might not have meant harm or may focus on things differently.

• If they are toxic, it doesn't matter what their intentions are.
• Actions are the only thing that matters.

4 people, independently

Be understanding that what comes naturally to you may not come naturally to others, and avoid coming off too strongly about how they should approach problems, as this can make them feel inferior or flawed.

Your point of view may not match others, and strong opinions on their methods can make them feel inferior despite your best intentions.

one person who lived it

Use 'I feel' statements instead of accusing the other person.

This prevents them from subconsciously switching into defense mode.

one person who lived it

Actively brush off minor criticisms instead of worrying about them.

Thinking about it too much makes you more defensive.

one person who lived it

• Listen quietly and consider faults when criticized, rather than reacting defensively.1

Remain silent when someone says something clearly unreasonable to let the statement echo in their ears.

Silence causes the speaker to re-hear their own words, often leading them to retract the statement without further input.

one person who lived it

Avoid being offended by people whose counsel you wouldn't follow anyway.

3 people, independently

Suppress the urge to snap at clients or colleagues and handle situations with patience instead.

Handling situations with patience preserves relationships.

one person who lived it

Treat acting or improv training as learning a new language of communication.

It teaches nuances like tone, facial expression, and timing without being dishonest.

one person who lived it

Practice active listening to understand what the speaker is really saying.

It took practice for one person to finally understand the actual message rather than implied criticism.

one person who lived it

Validate feelings by acknowledging frustration rather than downplaying the problem.

Validation is received better than dismissal.

• Empathizing can sometimes come across as patronizing.

one person who lived it

Enter arguments assuming the other person acts reasonably from their own perspective.

This mindset helped build confidence and stay calm.

one person who lived it

Accept rejection as a reflection of the other person's preferences or needs, not as a judgment of your worth.

3 people, independently

Ghost people you do not like rather than forcing conversation just to avoid upsetting them.

Forcing conversation to avoid upsetting others is described as stupid; ghosting became easy.

• This reflects one person's experience.

one person who lived it

Distinguish between being nice and being submissive; you can be kind without being cowardly or weak-willed.

one person who lived it

Respond to shallow judgments with kinder alternative explanations, such as assuming someone lacked time to choose an outfit.

Playing devil's advocate allows you to respond to automatic thoughts in a kinder way.

one person who lived it

Stand beside an angry person instead of facing them directly to avoid appearing aggressive.

Facing someone square-on with shoulders aligned is perceived as an aggressive posture when tempers are riled.

one person who lived it

Frame feedback constructively without using the phrase 'no offense' to avoid putting listeners on the defensive.

It puts them in the defensive

one person who lived it

Overlook occasional mean behavior from others, assuming it stems from stress or autopilot actions rather than malice.

People often act without thinking due to stress.

one person who lived it

Become aware of logical fallacies and cognitive biases to help immensely in discussions.

Being aware of these concepts helps immensely.

one person who lived it

When facing criticism or discussion, adopt a learning mindset to navigate the uncertainty between right and wrong.

It gives you something constructive to do while navigating uncomfortable grey areas.

one person who lived it

Stop assuming emails or messages require an immediate response; recognize that urgent matters will be communicated via phone calls.

Immediate responses are not expected for written messages unless the sender calls.

one person who lived it

Approach situations with curiosity to clear up misunderstandings.

Everyone makes mistakes, and curiosity helps clarify things on both sides.

one person who lived it

Do not suppress your sensitivities entirely, as they provide necessary internal feedback.

Ignoring sensitivities can result in lapses in judgment as responsibilities grow.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself that specific questions from family members are just polite interest, not interrogation.

To avoid getting infuriated.

one person who lived it

Practice empathy and try to understand others' perspectives before concluding they are disappointing or inadequate.

Entitlement leads to concluding others are disappointing when you haven't understood them first.

one person who lived it

Focus on how you respond to difficult situations, as this determines your story.

one person who lived it

Reject the toxic masculinity mindset that views empathy as an issue.

one person who lived it

Acknowledge people politely even if you choose to remain quiet.

Silence can be interpreted as insecurity or rudeness by others.

one person who lived it

Reframe difficult people as ignorant rather than malicious, which is almost always more accurate.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself that disagreements reflect the other person's life experiences and opinions, not a personal attack on your worth.

one person who lived it

Avoid anger, upset, or disappointment by choosing acceptance rather than expectation.

one person who lived it

Stop interpreting events as personal attacks on your ego and cultivate internal security.

one person who lived it

Stop making small talk with coworkers who get mad at jokes; limit interaction to necessary professional exchanges only.

one person who lived it

Smile using your eyes and cheeks rather than just your mouth.

Smiling only with the mouth can come across as creepy.

one person who lived it

Joke back at people who make jokes at your expense so you are not the only one receiving them.

Doing so helps you feel better.

one person who lived it

Hold your head up high when asking for help to project confidence and discourage belittling behavior.

It shows confidence and signals that you are not someone to be belittled.

one person who lived it

Put aside your mood and smile at customers or strangers.

Receiving smiles and small conversations in return can boost your mood.

one person who lived it

Provide early enthusiastic support, such as shouting, to performers at live music venues.

It can give them a spark.

one person who lived it

Practice smiling instead of scowling when criticized or teased to diffuse tension.

It is considered a much better reaction than scowling.

• This takes practice to become reflexive.

one person who lived it

Make the service worker smile and express appreciation for their poise and speed.

It de-escalates tension by making disagreeing people seem like douches.

one person who lived it

Try giving compliments regularly and uncynically.

One person reported it felt great and seemed to work for them.

one person who lived it

Give a nervous friend a mini thumbs up or reassuring gesture after they complete a difficult social interaction.

It is very reassuring and makes them feel good.

one person who lived it

Smile or relax your facial muscles when feeling emotional to signal happiness to your brain.

Scientific studies suggest the brain believes what the body is doing.

one person who lived it

Deliberately praise and congratulate others for their accomplishments to retrain yourself to sincerely celebrate their success.

It helps you see people's success as theirs and allows you to sincerely celebrate with them.

one person who lived it

Turn awkward moments into caricatures in your mind to confront dysfunctional behavior.

The dysfunctional part gets exaggerated and cartoonified, making it easier to confront.

one person who lived it

Show displeasure on your face rather than smiling sheepishly when receiving a disrespectful jab.

Smiling gives the impression that the behavior is acceptable.

one person who lived it

Find something genuinely interesting about a stranger to compliment.

This ensures the compliment is not disingenuous; compliments on things strangers can't know are considered daft.

one person who lived it

Recognize that your manager impacts your job satisfaction.

A manager can make or break a position; people often quit managers rather than jobs.

one person who lived it

Focus on how someone reached their current position or how their role fits into the larger picture.

It makes the interaction interesting.

one person who lived it

Call your manager to express your struggles and clarify misunderstandings.

This can lead to sincere apologies and clarification that frustrations were not directed at you personally.

one person who lived it