Guilt
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Accept past events as unchangeable and commit to acting well in the present moment.
History is fixed, but releasing it allows you to be good now.
3 people, independently
Sincerely apologize to those you have wronged by acknowledging their pain and making reasonable amends if asked, without demanding forgiveness or absolution.
This allows you to move on without the guilt of your past holding you back.
- Asking for forgiveness may be appropriate in group situations.
3 people, independently
Separate your current self from your past self, viewing the latter as a distinct entity stuck in old patterns that you have outgrown.
3 people, independently
Recognize that you have agency and make choices; avoid using the idea that you had no choice as a way to soothe yourself about poor decisions.
Claiming a lack of choice is often just a method of self-soothing after making a poor decision.
one person who lived it
Never bring up old stupid or embarrassing things to people you haven't seen in a long time.
It is unnecessary and irrelevant.
one person who lived it
Stop judging your past actions by recognizing you have chosen to act differently now and value yourself more.
3 people, independently
When people bring up your past mistakes, avoid defensiveness by acknowledging the behavior, apologizing again, and reaffirming your commitment to improvement.
Defensiveness signals to others that you haven't changed.
- If someone constantly brings up your past and won't let it go, consider keeping them in your past too.
one person who lived it
View guilt as an alert that unmet expectations exist, rather than proof that you did something wrong.
one person who lived it
Accept that broken trust cannot be fully repaired to its original state and adjust your expectations accordingly.
Violations change our perception of a person, which is difficult to reverse.
one person who lived it