Interpersonal
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Strive to be your best self instead of molding yourself into who others expect you to be.
25 people, independently
Focus on your own life and offer help to your brother only when he asks for it.
You cannot change other people.
one person who lived it
Read 'Better Boundaries' by Jan Black and Greg Enns to help stand up for yourself.
The book helped when I needed to stand up for myself.
one person who lived it
Accept that life is not black and white as school taught us, which reduces self-doubt.
The real world doesn't work in black and white; accepting this reduces doubt.
one person who lived it
Do things for others only because you want to, not because you expect something in return.
It feels right with who you are.
one person who lived it
Show support by giving space, freedom, and acceptance rather than offering advice.
Giving space can be a better way to show love and support than advising.
- This applies sometimes, not always.
one person who lived it
Stand up for others when they are being mistreated.
It is perceived as attractive and brave.
one person who lived it
Ensure your own life is interesting so you care less about what others do.
You may care too much about others because there isn't much happening in your own life.
one person who lived it
Ask friends directly if you are saying or doing anything weird to identify blind spots in your behavior.
It helps reveal bad habits you may not be aware of.
one person who lived it
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Spend time with a friend who treats you like a human to help gain normal social skills.
One person gained 'human' skills after a friend treated them normally and questioned their quietness.
one person who lived it
Build the skill of empathy to recognize value in others, especially those different from you.
It helps you see the value in others.
one person who lived it
Act in alignment with your core values when interacting with people.
Your actions will appear more congruent.
one person who lived it
Focus on your own comfort in social situations to be more genuine.
This makes others feel more comfortable too.
one person who lived it
Act as if you are being filmed to prevent yourself from saying things impulsively that you do not mean.
It helps you avoid saying stuff you don't mean that quick.
one person who lived it
Stop asking for permission in social settings and analyzing too much; rely only on your own approval and take chances to obtain freedom.
Asking others for permission implies you need their approval, which you do not.
one person who lived it
De-escalate minor conflicts by apologizing or staying calm to avoid violence, even if you are not at fault.
Violence is silly; a single apology can be mature and prevent escalation.
- You shouldn't have had to apologize.
one person who lived it
Offer small amounts of appreciation to others.
A little goes a long way.
one person who lived it
Be present in the moment, recognizing it is the only moment that matters.
It's the only moment that matters.
one person who lived it
Make a list of activities you usually only do with others, such as going to movies, dinner, or vacations, and start practicing doing them alone.
One person found that the more they did these things alone, the more welcome they were among others.
one person who lived it
Try new activities like metalworking, woodworking, or home brewing to discover genuine interests.
One person realized they enjoyed these things but wished they had not waited until their 40s to explore them.
one person who lived it
Change your mindset to ignore what others are doing and focus only on your own work.
Caring about others' actions and getting mad only hurts you; focusing on your own work can reduce stress, increase happiness, and improve job performance.
one person who lived it
Think about what you are going to say before speaking to avoid making mistakes.
4 people, independently
Accept that you are not responsible for other people's emotions or fun, and respect their ability to manage their own enjoyment.
Recognizing that the world does not revolve around you can be freeing.
one person who lived it
Distance yourself from groups that make you feel restricted so you can explore interests you genuinely enjoy.
One person found this made them incredibly happy.
one person who lived it
Embrace flaws and avoid appearing perfect or always available.
Being perfect leads to being taken for granted; some prefer flawed partners.
one person who lived it
Accept that being yourself may result in fewer likes.
It ensures those who do like you are genuinely interested.
one person who lived it
Consider limiting contact with everyone during significant personal change.
People may try to force you back to old behaviors because it is what they are most comfortable with.
one person who lived it
Read 'I Hear You' if you want to improve listening and reduce perceptions of arrogance.
One person reported it helped people see them as no longer arrogant.
one person who lived it
Understand that intelligence is built, not innate.
Many people mistakenly believe being smart is innate.
one person who lived it
Limit contact with people who bring more negativity than positivity into your life.
You are probably better off doing so regardless of other factors.
one person who lived it
Cultivate love and empathy for yourself first to develop meaningful connections with others.
Doing it backwards prevents meaningful connections.
one person who lived it
Improve your communication if others fail to reach your level of understanding.
It is likely you are failing to communicate.
one person who lived it
Stop labeling yourself as 'the weird guy,' recognizing that such labels exist only in your own mind.
one person who lived it
Acknowledge your past, concentrate on making your future better, and try to enjoy the present moment.
3 people, independently
Treat everyone with kindness and focus on making friends over seeking romantic partners.
Romantic connections may follow naturally from friendship.
one person who lived it
Cultivate a positive mindset and passion for yourself, others, and life.
Enthusiasm is contagious.
one person who lived it