More on changing how you live
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Assume most gym-goers are focused on themselves and will not judge you.
People are generally too busy with their own workouts to notice others.
- Some people use gyms as social venues.
- People may judge you if you do not put away weights or wipe down equipment.
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View setbacks as data points in a learning process instead of signals to give up.
Learning often requires hitting walls; if tasks were effortless, they would hold little value. Ending the journey is only an option if you choose to stop.
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Spend your time wisely.
Time is your most important asset; you cannot buy it or get it back, and it is running out.
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Review old journal entries to see how you have changed, developed coping skills, and overcome tough times.
It is eye-opening to see that things which upset you then no longer affect you now, and to realize you made it through difficult periods.
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Own your life's direction since no rescue is coming.
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- Act to steer your own life rather than allowing it to steer you.6
- Take full responsibility for your current situation without blaming others, recognizing that you are the one who put yourself there.3
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Initiate life improvements immediately, even if you believe time was wasted.
The best moment for action is the current one.
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- Start improving yourself today rather than waiting for a specific date like Monday or January 1st.3
- Concentrate on the current moment and give it your best effort, instead of stressing over future events that have not happened yet.3
Follow your own instincts and desires instead of trying to live up to the expectations of family, friends, or strangers.
Staying true to yourself attracts genuine people.
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Stop looking back at lost time and focus on the present.
The past time is gone.
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Focus on enjoying the journey of getting better instead of just the final outcome.
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- Focus on forward movement over flawlessness.15
- Focus on who you become during the journey rather than obsessing over the destination, because that is what lasts.3
- Direct your perfectionism toward the process rather than the results.3
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Live your life according to your own desires rather than social constructs or what others are doing.
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- Create yourself rather than trying to find a pre-existing self.3
Join local clubs, gyms, or event groups related to your interests to quickly meet like-minded people.
It helps you find people with similar interests very quickly.
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- Visit venues or take trips related to your hobbies, such as rock climbing, to meet others who enjoy doing them together.5
- Participate in hobby-based groups or classes—like photography, running, cooking, yoga, biking, barcades, team sports, university clubs, or meetup.com events—to organically connect with compatible people.3
Constantly strive to improve upon your own definition of your ideal self.
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- Spend time with people who embody the version of yourself you aspire to become.8
Avoid measuring your entire existence against the curated highlights others share online, since they rarely post their dull moments.
Comparing your whole reality to someone else's best moments can be damaging.
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- Limit social media consumption and stop comparing yourself to others' curated successes.3
Focus on your own needs before helping others, similar to securing your oxygen mask first on an airplane.
No one is more important than you.
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Stop striving for a magical end state where you will finally be happy.
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Compare yourself only to your past self, not to others or societal timelines.
Everyone progresses at a different speed; it is acceptable to feel you are not where you believe you should be.
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Try as many new activities as possible—such as sports, crafts, or writing—to increase the chance of finding a passion.
Constantly exposing yourself to new hobbies helps you find something that clicks.
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Wear clothes that fit your body type well and suit your personal style.
Well-fitting clothing complements your body and boosts attractiveness.
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Offer your time, help, and focus without seeking repayment.
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Handle life day by day rather than attempting to complete all goals simultaneously.
Attempting to do everything in one go causes stress.
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Try Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ).
It provides exercise, endorphins, intellectual challenge, fun, and social activity; one person reported it profoundly changed their life for the better.
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Go for a walk or hike without your phone or music to notice your surroundings and thoughts.
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Cut off toxic people and make new friends who bring happiness.
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Accept the challenging tasks you are dodging, since the desired outcome lies within them.
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Choose objectives that matter to you and put in the effort to reach them.
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Volunteer for a cause you believe in and attend meetup groups for activities you like to make acquaintances.
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- Keep trying new activities, meeting new people, and going to new places.4
- Volunteer across different organizations and events to identify your interests and strengths.3
Accept that some people will not like you regardless of your qualities, and recognize that this is okay.
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Think of your younger self and act in a way that makes that child proud.
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View experienced gym-goers as potential allies who often enjoy helping newcomers because they relate to having started as beginners themselves.
Most regulars started as novices and love talking about their hobby.
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Take action immediately rather than waiting for conditions to feel perfect.
Waiting for perfection may result in never acting at all.
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Seek life experiences outside your current environment and comfort zone to help find your way.
New experiences can provide crucial clarity on direction.
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Work out your own motives, but judge others based on their behavior.
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Keep promises as much as possible, especially those made to yourself.
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Discover hobbies that provide you with a sense of fulfillment.
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- Take up creative or productive hobbies such as writing, learning instruments, cooking, blogging, playing chess, or raising pets.6
- Push yourself to test unfamiliar pursuits and investigate varied hobbies.32
- Find a hobby such as video games, reading, painting, or hiking.4
Passion often develops through dedicated time and effort rather than appearing naturally; it grows as you gain experience and achieve things.
Passion does not come naturally; it grows through effort, accrued experience, and achievements.
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Focus on your own well-being and cultivate self-love prior to entering serious romantic partnerships.
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Confide in a trusted friend about your difficulties.
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Use an alter ego to help embody desired traits or behaviors.
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Cease investing energy in relationships that do not return the effort.
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Consider that having many interests without deep mastery in one is difficult to accept, even if it feels self-evident.
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Return to past hobbies that gave you happiness, since they probably will again.
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Follow basic gym etiquette such as reracking weights, wiping down equipment, and not hogging machines to avoid negative attention.
Violating etiquette is considered a more serious offense than lacking physical fitness.
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Take up meaningful, pride-inducing activities such as volunteering, hiking, or starting a small business to create a sense of accomplishment.
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Set long and short-term goals but remain flexible, rolling with the punches since not everything happens exactly as planned.
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Enjoy activities without feeling guilty about having fun.
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Enjoy solo activities like museum visits or walks without needing accompaniment.
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Listen to podcasts on topics of interest while commuting, exercising, or tidying the house.
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Try different fashion styles to discover what works best for you specifically.
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Take risks and try new things even if they are scary, because failing is necessary for learning and better than not trying at all.
Failure is the mother of success; without it, you cannot learn.
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- Treat failure as a stepping stone to success by making mistakes, learning from them, and trying again.19
Practice wiping with your non-dominant hand to prepare for potential injury to your dominant arm.
It helps if you mess up your dominant hand or arm.
- Some find it difficult to wipe effectively with the non-dominant hand.
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Ask experienced lifters for advice or demonstrations; they are often happy to help because they started from somewhere too.
Most of us are happy to help, and we all got there from somewhere.
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List what you do not like about yourself and then find ways to improve in those areas.
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- Keep a journal to track mistakes, noting what went wrong and how you can improve.5
- Identify a skill where you are weak and practice until you improve.3
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If things go wrong, try not to see it as a catastrophic event.
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Hold onto your knowing that you can succeed, even when you fail.
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- Accept that initial failure is a normal step toward success and get up to try again.8
- Anticipate success across several tries instead of expecting it from this single attempt.4
Accept that you will be bad at new skills initially, as sucking is a necessary part of the learning process.
Being incompetent is a required stage before achieving proficiency; it is an inherent element of learning.
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Think about what you are going to say before speaking to avoid making mistakes.
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Take up a fighting sport such as Krav Maga, Nin-Jutsu, or Jiu-Jitsu to boost confidence and reduce fear of outcomes.
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View mistakes as positive learning opportunities that clarify what not to do in the future.
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- Make mistakes but ensure you learn from them so they never happen again.6
Request assistance from others if you are unsure how to operate a machine or perform an exercise.
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Practice meditation to stay calm and think clearly during stressful situations.
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Become aware of your emotional state to gain foresight and avoid losing control.
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Use Khan Academy for videos and questions to ensure understanding of a subject.
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Seek local volunteer roles, like those at animal shelters, hospitals, or nursing homes.
Assisting those with fewer resources offers perspective, meaning, and helps shift focus away from yourself.
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Force yourself to adopt a purpose, such as helping others, to inject meaning and value into your life.
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Gain perspective on an event by asking yourself if you will still care about it in five years.
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Keep a 'joy journal' by recording one positive event from the day in a single sentence at night.
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- Write down the context, events, your actions, and desired alternatives in a journal to inform future behavior.3
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Capture images and video of your life to revisit later.
You assume you'll retain every event and minor detail, but that memory fades.
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Identify when you are at your happiest to guide your choices.
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Write a detailed profile of your ideal future self and strive to live according to that persona.
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- Document a picture of your life, detailing what you truly desire, the sensory experience of long-term targets, and immediate actions.3
Take pictures of street signs, building names, and location markers while traveling.
These images help sort through photos later and become interesting reference points when looking back decades later.
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Start a journal to write down your thoughts and check off goals as you achieve them.
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Eat a specific flavor of sweet while studying a topic, then consume that same sweet during the exam to trigger memory recall.
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Question your motivation for an activity repeatedly until you discover a core desire or personal truth.
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Read 'So Good They Can't Ignore You' by Cal Newport.
I think you'll find it valuable.
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Study Stoicism to practice spotting and releasing things you cannot control.
It is incredibly freeing.
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- Read Stoic philosophy, such as Marcus Aurelius, to learn how to maintain calm and perspective.4
Read 'I Will Teach You To Be Rich' by Ramit Sethi.
Its straightforward approach improved finances for one reader, helping them save between 15-20% of income instead of spending on random takeout.
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Read Carol Dweck's book 'Mindset' to understand the research on growth versus fixed mindsets.
The book discusses the process of mindset at length and covers the concept beautifully.
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Read 'The Slight Edge' to grasp how consistent small decisions drive results.
One person reported seeing positive life change after reading it.
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- Read 'The Power of Habit' to understand and execute habit changes concisely.5
Watch YouTube channels like 'Dad, How Do I?' to learn practical skills you are unsure about.
It is amazingly useful for resolving doubts about specific tasks.
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Read 'The Four Agreements' by Don Miguel Ruiz to find personal liberty and escape conditioned behaviors.
It discusses how humans are domesticated in a manner similar to dogs.
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Try reading 'How To Do The Work' by Dr Nicole LePera to see if it aids your journey toward change.
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Read Sam Harris's book *On Lying* to understand the argument that all lying is harmful.
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Find a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) book, such as 'Mind Over Mood', to help work on your issues.
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Read 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People' by Stephen Covey.
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Look into the book 'The Untethered Soul' by Michael A. Singer.
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Use a library card for free access to books, eBooks, and audiobooks.
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Read 'Mindfulness in Plain English' by Bhante Gunaratana to examine yourself and your interactions.
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Read or listen to Jocko Willink’s 'Extreme Ownership' to cultivate a sense of responsibility in your life.
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Read 'Moonwalking with Einstein' to learn more about memory techniques and competitions.
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Keep a regular sleep schedule of about 7 hours per night.
Getting 7-9 hours of rest each day makes a significant difference.
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Split large goals into smaller, actionable chunks to move toward them.
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- Break overwhelming tasks into small, doable daily steps so you can feel proud of your progress.24
- Set small, obtainable baby-step goals in areas you want to work on, leading toward a bigger picture.9
- List small, realistic objectives for your weekly targets.5
Have something to look forward to in the morning, such as a hobby, coffee, or a daily goal.
It provides motivation to jump out of bed.
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Choose a single bad habit to quit and gradually swap it for a better one. Build structure into your day but avoid being overly critical of yourself.
- Once you have nailed that consistently, you can start to tackle other issues.
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- Make conscious efforts to act differently from your current traits until those new behaviors become habitual.4
- Select one particular habit you are ready to modify immediately and begin with that.3
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Adopt a long-term focus instead of the short-term view most people hold.
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Practice focusing your mind on one thing and gently pull your thoughts back when they drift.
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Write a quick list of tasks for the next day before bed and review it upon waking to ensure follow-through.
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- Set a fixed morning routine where you do habits at specific times.5
Focus on hygiene by keeping your skin and hair cared for and your clothes clean and well-fitted.
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Before sleeping each night, write down at least one thing you feel thankful for.
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Concentrate on a single life domain at a time, making minimal daily progress.
Attempting to fix all issues simultaneously is unrealistic; narrowing your focus avoids the confusion of too many options.
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Learn a musical instrument like piano or guitar.
Consistency can improve memory, focus, coordination, and posture; completing songs without errors provides a dopamine bump; it touches the soul.
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Build your wardrobe around a foundation of versatile staple items.
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Target 80% effort levels to prevent burnout and ensure habits remain sustainable over time.
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Locate people with similar interests to create a small accountability circle; set a minor target and ask them to check on your progress.
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- Find an accountability partner to help build general routines.3
Set a maximum limit on the amount of time you spend on social media each day.
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- Isolate yourself from using your phone at specific times during the day.3
Get vertical immediately when your alarm goes off; do not stay in bed wondering why it is ringing or look at your phone.
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Focus on sleep, nutrition, mindfulness/meditation, and physical activity to maintain bodily and mental health.
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Adjust your wake-up time in small steps, such as shifting by 30 minutes after a successful week, rather than making dramatic changes immediately.
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Focus on discipline over motivation when maintaining habits like running.
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Use app timers to restrict time spent on distracting applications.
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Exercise regularly by doing strength training, cardio, or stretching.
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Set a routine with specific times for activities such as waking up, exercising, cooking, reading, or gardening.
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Hone your public speaking and presentation abilities.
Presenting with confidence adds value to your work and can set you apart from nearly all colleagues, provided you have at least moderate competence.
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Pick a topic that engages you and practice it consistently until it becomes a mastered skill.
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Develop charm by cultivating a unique personality, interests, and goals.
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