Personality
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Take your time learning what interests you.
You are still young.
- Context implies being 27 years old.
one person who lived it
Read the book 'Psycho-Cybernetics' and apply its teachings.
Applying the teaching will change your life.
7 people, independently
Focus on who you want to become rather than trying to define who you currently are.
You are fluid and forever changing, not fixed.
one person who lived it
Do what you want to do rather than what others expect of you.
It helps develop a distinct personality.
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Picture the individual you aspire to be and act in ways that person would.
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- Picture great qualities in people you admire and respect, and try to be that type of person.3
time, define, people, life23
Write down things you like, find a goal, and break it into small achievable steps.
Make a list of things that bring you a smile as a first step to rediscovering yourself.
It is the first step.
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Do a little soul-searching.
It goes a long way.
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- Discover your authentic self by reflecting on your values, passions, and interests.3
Do something that makes you uncomfortable to break out of your comfort zone.
Taking risks shows that life is not boring.
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Write down things you like, find a goal, and break it into small achievable steps.
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To break out of a rut, list who you wish you were, identify the behaviors and habits of that person, and take action to enact them.
This is described as the fastest way to force yourself out of a rut.
one person who lived it
Decide who you wish to become and behave accordingly.
This is the method for constructing your identity.
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Do not believe other people's fairy tales or let their curated lives affect you.
Most people only share the good parts of their lives, never the bad.
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Pursue a passion for something and find other people who share that same passion.
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Stop asking 'who am I?' and instead ask 'what do I want in my life?' to define your direction.
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Imagine who you would be and what you would do if you had no friends left to emulate.
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Listen to the audiobook 'No Excuses' by Brian Tracy.
It provides a remedy for many common frustrations.
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Embrace your current self and all your different sides with love and acceptance.
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Define a specific objective to give your time direction and meaning.
Vague goals like 'be happier' give the brain nothing to move toward; specificity makes it real and aims energy.
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Read 'The Choice' by Edith Edgar to learn acceptance.
learning acceptance can be a game changer for perspective and life
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Decline social invitations when you do not feel like hanging out.
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Change for yourself rather than to satisfy your spouse or others.
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Focus on becoming an interesting person rather than solely pursuing sexual goals.
People generally do not want to be with self-absorbed people focused only on sex.
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Make conscious efforts to act differently from your current traits until those new behaviors become habitual.
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Channel anger into working out to gain purpose and inspiration for further positive actions.
- This is based on one person's experience.
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Develop daily habits like doing yoga every morning and reading a book before sleeping to automate good routines.
It helps perform good routines automatically.
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Take up a hobby you have been putting off indefinitely to fill the time void created by reducing digital consumption.
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View personality as a 'mask' or 'role' (persona) that can be adapted to fit different environments and achieve desired outcomes.
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social, skills, practice, help19
Practice social interactions repeatedly to overcome initial awkwardness and nervousness.
Read 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' to realize that people-pleasing can be manipulative rather than genuinely nice.
It helped one person realize they were being manipulative instead of nice.
- This reflects one person's experience with the book.
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Learn social skills to work with your natural temperament, starting by being okay with fumbling.
Learning social skills helped one person learn to work with themselves.
- It is a journey.
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Say positive things out loud to yourself.
We often don't hear praise about ourselves; hearing it from your own outward voice helps break down negative self-talk.
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If you are introverted, focus on fixing shyness rather than trying to force outgoing behavior, as shyness is the problem, not introversion.
Introversion is a need for rest, while shyness is a fixable issue.
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Practice your social skills.
We learn more about our personality when we are social with others.
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Focus on improving your social skills rather than doing crazy things to appear interesting.
One person found settling down to a calmer life and focusing on social skills was better than doing dumb stuff they thought would help.
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Read 'How To Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie to learn how to stop criticizing people.
it can help you realize how silly it is to criticize people
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Seek a job or environment that forces frequent social interaction to overcome self-consciousness or fear of strangers.
Being forced to deal with many people daily can turn your life around and help you cope with extroverted personalities.
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Avoid talking exclusively to girls when practicing social skills.
Doing so creates a mindset that you want something between the two of you when there really isn't.
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Practice directing conversations so others tell you what matters to them, and share your own stories to show interest.
It helps them feel like you are actually interested.
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Let the conversation flow naturally and do not force speech during silences.
Awkwardness tends to decrease as you become more comfortable with silence.
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Build confidence through accomplishments like working out, learning an instrument, or securing a good job to become less shy.
Accomplishing these things makes you more confident in yourself.
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Avoid the incel/PUA route and techniques like negging.
Desperation is not attractive and negging causes disgust.
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Push past your comfort zone during specific life phases by taking actions like initiating conversations or offering advice in groups.
to change
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Work with your existing personality rather than changing it, eliminating only clearly negative traits like rudeness.
Trying to change your personality will make you uncomfortable.
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Embrace awkwardness by doing things wrong but doing them anyway, fighting for wrong opinions until later changing them, having niche interests you don't share, and doing things alone.
one person who lived it
Focus on developing kindness and durability through difficult experiences, allowing others to notice these inner qualities.
People will notice your best qualities if you keep improving them.
one person who lived it
Practice social interactions repeatedly to overcome initial awkwardness and nervousness.
Like any skill, social ease comes with experience and getting used to the situation.
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Practice empathy by imagining feeling what another person is feeling, such as viewing creepy behavior as a sign of suffering rather than a cause for fear.
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