Proactivity
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Read articles on 1800s gentlemen’s etiquette for conversation do’s and don’ts.
There are good do's and don'ts that get lost in today's world.
one person who lived it
Focus on whether you like the other person rather than worrying if they like you.
It keeps you more engaged and helps you form opinions.
one person who lived it
Inform ignorant people when they are doing bad things.
You should at least inform them they are fucking up.
one person who lived it
Count down from 5 and start immediately when the count ends.
The anticipation feels worse than the actual doing; this overcomes internal resistance.
one person who lived it
Disclose your true self rather than putting on a show or falling silent to seek validation.
Relying on others for validation leads to hiding your true self; opening up risks rejection but offers deeper acceptance.
one person who lived it
Record your experiences throughout the day so you don't forget them, then write them down at the end of the day to review.
To ensure you do not forget your experiences and can see how it goes.
one person who lived it
Do not fixate on a fixed identity, remembering that you are complex, constantly changing, and have agency.
Identity isn't stable.
one person who lived it
Avoid complaining about betrayal as vengeance; focus on moving forward.
Complaining achieves nothing and most obnoxious people aren't worth worrying about.
- I'm not saying pretend to like them.
one person who lived it
View others as equal in status to overcome inferiority and engage naturally.
Otherwise you might think no one wants to hear your opinion.
one person who lived it
3 more on this
Lean into the identity of being the 'kind of person who' does things by recalling past actions, however small.
one person who lived it
Create a daily schedule to carve out specific times for certain activities.
It reduces guilt about choosing one thing over another.
one person who lived it
Fantasize realistically by imagining yourself as calm and friendly in social situations to integrate desired qualities.
This approach helped one person achieve goals like becoming more open to different points of view.
one person who lived it