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Self esteem

None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.

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If you only read a few

  1. Seek therapy or professional help to address deep-seated self-esteem issues.

    It can make it easier to make other good decisions and create real, lasting change.

    • If you cannot afford it, look for state services offering discounted or free sessions.
    • If therapy is not an option, work through CBT exercises based on self-esteem.

    3 people, independently

  2. Commit to treating yourself with the same kindness you would show a close friend.

    • One person noted this required therapy and inner work over time.

    12 people, independently

    • Imagine a good friend has your troubles and tell yourself the compassionate things you would say to them.10
    • Treat yourself with kindness, recognizing that you are the one constant companion in your life.3
    • Be yourself and accept yourself, recognizing that you are worthy of love.3
    • Act toward yourself with the same care you show someone you cherish to boost your mental well-being.3
    • Speak to yourself with the warmth and focus of a caring parent or engaged teacher.5
    • Visualize yourself as the person you cherish most, or as an identical twin; interact with this version of you using the same kindness you would show them.8
    • Read resources on self-compassion to learn the power of being kind to yourself.7

  3. Love yourself first to enable loving others.

    If you do not love yourself, you cannot love somebody else.

    5 people, independently

  4. Treat negative feelings as helpful allies that steer you away from unwanted outcomes.

    They signal that you are concentrating on and criticizing what you do not want.

    4 people, independently

    • Be friends with your negative emotions by viewing them as supportive team members sending emotional text messages you want to understand.3

  5. Stop caring about what other people think of you, especially regarding your own identity.

    That is the key to confidence.

    3 people, independently

negative, thoughts, positive, therapy29

Use CBT to shift thought patterns and solidify those shifts through consistent practice.

  1. Perform random acts of kindness or volunteer to help others.

    Helping others can boost self-esteem.

    3 people, independently

  2. Put yourself first by establishing clear limits and refusing requests when people cross them.

    Defending your own needs and being explicit about what is acceptable can be a sign of self-love.

    3 people, independently

  3. Build discipline by making small, reasonable promises to yourself—such as showing up for twenty minutes—and keeping them to build self-trust.

    Following through on goals raises self-esteem and reprograms your relationship with yourself.

    3 people, independently

  4. Write down your thoughts to make them clearer.

    Writing makes thoughts clearer when they are on paper

    3 people, independently

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  1. Swap negative thoughts for positive ones to retrain your thinking patterns.

    Consciously choosing positive thoughts over negative habits is similar to brushing teeth; it may eventually feel normal.

    4 people, independently

    • When negative thoughts arise, replace them by thinking of two or three wonderful things about yourself.3

  2. Compare your current self only to who you were yesterday, rather than comparing yourself to others today.

    This approach makes life easier, fosters kindness toward yourself, and helps build real confidence by focusing on becoming a better version of yourself.

    7 people, independently

  3. Question whether you would speak to a friend with the same harshness you use on yourself.

    4 people, independently

    • Notice your inner critic and challenge it by asking if you would say those things to a friend.3
    • When engaging in negative self-talk, ask yourself if people who care about you would say the same things to you.3

  4. Look in the mirror every morning and say one loving thing about yourself, even if you do not believe it yet.

    15 people, independently

    • Face a mirror and tell yourself 'I love you' or similar uplifting phrases.4
    • Give yourself positive affirmations out loud in the mirror consistently.3
    • Employ positive self-talk and commend yourself for exerting effort or reaching targets.7
    • Check your reflection each morning and identify three positive aspects of yourself, whether physical or character-based.4

  5. Use CBT to shift thought patterns and solidify those shifts through consistent practice.

    16 people, independently

    • Try cognitive behavioral therapy to rewire negative thought processes and challenge cognitive distortions.6
    • See a therapist focused on cognitive behavioral therapy.4
    • Study cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques to modify habitual negative thought patterns.3

  6. Own up to every error you commit, understanding that self-love requires embracing your imperfections.

    Self-love means accepting your flaws.

    3 people, independently

  7. When you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself, stop and tell yourself 'let's not do that.'

    4 people, independently

    • Train yourself to observe your thoughts and address them before they spiral out of control.3
    • Tune into negative self-talk and challenge limiting beliefs by replacing the inner critic with a compassionate voice.4

  8. Repeat the affirmation that you are enough, have always been enough, and will always be enough.

    4 people, independently

  9. When facing your reflection, voice positive attributes about yourself instead of engaging in negative internal dialogue.

    One person found that repeating affirming statements improved their self-perception.

    3 people, independently

  10. Opt for optimistic thoughts over pessimistic ones, acknowledging that you select your mindset.

    3 people, independently

  11. Practice positive affirmations.

    It helped one person in a similar situation improve self-love.

    3 people, independently

  12. Transform qualities you hate about yourself into good qualities.

    3 people, independently

  13. Focus on getting good sleep, maintaining a healthy diet, and drinking water.

    3 people, independently

accept, focus, think, daily44

Try various activities you are curious about until one sticks.

  1. Step out of your comfort zone and accept failure as a necessary part of learning and growth.

    It is where you start to grow and discover what you are made of.

    3 people, independently

  2. Love yourself including your mistakes, embracing them as part of who you are.

    Mistakes make you who you are.

    4 people, independently

  3. Begin with modest, achievable targets; raise the difficulty slightly as you meet them.

    Your self-confidence grows gradually through this process.

    • Staying consistent can be difficult for some people.

    4 people, independently

    • Set small, realistic daily goals that build toward a larger objective.7
    • Start self-improvement efforts very small; if it feels like too much, reduce the effort but continue making an effort.3

  4. Set and enforce boundaries by saying no when requests do not benefit you.

    • Be consistent with your boundaries.

    6 people, independently

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  1. Stop caring what others think of you and reduce the influence their opinions have on you.

    15 people, independently

    • Ignore what others think, defend yourself, and stay true to who you are.3
    • Act for your own sake instead of relying on others for approval or letting them shape your identity negatively.6
    • Focus on your core life values and objectives over what others think.4
    • Remind yourself every day that other people's opinions of you are not your concern.3

  2. Keep a daily journal to reflect on your emotions and the day's events.

    13 people, independently

    • Keep a journal listing every positive action you take daily.4

  3. Determine your own value internally rather than letting others define it for you.

    7 people, independently

    • Tell yourself you are whole and enough, and that you do not need validation from others.5
    • Derive self-approval internally to reduce your reliance on external validation.6

  4. Avoid beating yourself up if progress takes longer than expected or if you make mistakes.

    Everyone starts somewhere.

    3 people, independently

    • Daily, acknowledge you are still developing. Accept errors with the goal of getting better.4
    • Accept that immediate perfection is not required; it is acceptable to be a beginner.3

  5. Offer reassurance and hugs to the inner child that remains within you.

    6 people, independently

  6. Volunteer at places like soup kitchens to help less fortunate people.

    5 people, independently

  7. Accept that you deserve love without needing proof or justification.

    3 people, independently

  8. Prior to deciding, consider what an individual who cares deeply for their own well-being might choose.

    5 people, independently

  9. Focus on becoming the person you want to be rather than chasing a specific goal.

    4 people, independently

  10. Take up a creative activity that holds your interest, like writing in a journal or sketching.

    5 people, independently

    • Try various creative activities such as dance, song, writing, sketching, or film production to discover which one aligns with your personal energy.3

  11. Every day, choose one small thing you should do and simply do it.

    7 people, independently

  12. Appreciate what you have by realizing there are people going through much more difficult situations.

    3 people, independently

  13. List your goals and outline your plan to reach them.

    6 people, independently

  14. Embrace acceptance and focus solely on factors within your control.

    38 people, independently

    • Focus on managing one controllable issue at a time, rather than attempting to resolve everything simultaneously.16

  15. Develop a hobby or passion and become skilled in it to build confidence.

    4 people, independently

    • Take up activities that foster self-pride, like mastering hard challenges or acquiring new abilities.3

  16. Learn to enjoy your own company before attempting to integrate into social groups.

    3 people, independently

    • Immerse yourself in a solo hobby to get comfortable spending time alone.4

  17. Accept every aspect of yourself unconditionally, including the parts you dislike, rather than picking and choosing only positive traits.

    4 people, independently

  18. Say 'good job' out loud to yourself and acknowledge your own work and effort.

    3 people, independently

  19. Try various activities you are curious about until one sticks.

    40 people, independently

  20. Appreciate your body's functionality, such as blood pumping, nails growing, and lungs breathing.

    3 people, independently

  21. Set up a safe accountability system for your choices to help you stay on track.

    3 people, independently

  22. Consider others, yet focus on yourself above all else; recognize that self-interest is acceptable.

    3 people, independently

  23. If you find yourself measuring up against others, cease those comparisons and concentrate on positive aspects of your own identity.

    4 people, independently

    • Do not compare yourself to others; consider disabling social media accounts if they trigger comparison.4

  24. Recognize that intelligence comes in different forms, such as physical, emotional, and logical.

    4 people, independently

learn6

  1. Cut off toxic people, including friends or family members who treat you poorly or do you wrong.

    23 people, independently

  2. Read 'Self-Compassion' by Kristin Neff to learn how to be kinder to yourself.

    4 people, independently

  3. Learn about attachment styles; one person found this reading really helpful.

    • Based on one person's experience.

    4 people, independently

  4. Read 'The Body Keeps the Score' by Bessel van der Kolk for information on healing trauma.

    4 people, independently

2 more on this

  1. Read 'Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It', which is a short book.

    6 people, independently

  2. Read 'The Courage to Be Disliked' by Ichiro Kishimi if you enjoy reading.

    5 people, independently

  1. Do loving-kindness meditation to boost empathy toward yourself and other people.

    8 people, independently

  2. Use specific Mudras during meditation to aid energy flow, such as Pankaj for opening the heart and Dhyani for inner stillness.

    Pankaj cultivates loving kindness and stabilizes the mind; Dhyani promotes sympathy, positive attitude, and self-confidence.

    one person who lived it

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