Social
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Recognize that others' views are not your concern, as they seldom think about you in the first place.
People rarely form negative opinions of you; they simply don't think about you much.
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Talk to at least one person in real life to change negative thoughts.
Real-life interaction can shift perspective.
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Remove or distance yourself from people who leave you feeling drained and unsettled.
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- Walk away from people who judge you or discourage things that are important to you.1
Say yes to invitations and requests more often, even when you do not feel like it, provided it is within reason.
Friends invite you to help you feel better, and accepting can lift you out of low moods.
- within reason
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Cease seeking validation from others or worrying about their opinions.
Things improve with time; focus on breathing and enjoying daily life.
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Build meaningful connections and surround yourself with positive people.
Talk to college friends or people from times when you felt awesome.
It will make those feelings come rushing back.
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Be humble in your presence but confident in your actions.
Being humble makes people like you, which leads to general happiness.
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Stop fearing saying the wrong thing or making mistakes.
You need to make mistakes to identify what the wrong thing is.
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Take initiative in social situations rather than staying in your comfort zone.
Staying in your comfort zone may leave you a stranger to many people.
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Do things for yourself rather than chasing people.
One person found they suddenly met others doing the same things and learned to trust that chasing is unnecessary.
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Drop friends who do not treat you right and believe people when they show who they are.
Life is too short to settle for poor treatment.
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Wave to people in your area if you want to be known as a friendly person.
Waving helps with being known as friendly.
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Send voice notes instead of texts to build chemistry and intimacy.
Voice is where chemistry lives and can level up friendships.
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Cut off toxic people to find peace and avoid unnecessary drama.
Standing up for friends who don't need protection can ruin your reputation and lead to drama.
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Go to crowded places like restaurants or concerts when you want to interact but lack the energy for obligation.
You are surrounded by people without being obligated to interact.
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Lean into your relationships with people, as they are precious.
It makes the heart happy.
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Be kind and compassionate to everyone, recognizing that others are facing struggles you know nothing about.
We are all better when we are compassionate.
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Find new friends who are doing much better in life than you are.
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Cut out friends and other influences that are not serving your improvement, recognizing that who you hang around affects you.
People forget that who we hang around with influences us.
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Listen carefully when others talk to learn from their mistakes and regrets.
They will always teach you something.
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Do not engage with narcissists at all; ignore them completely.
They hate being ignored and will likely try to provoke a reaction.
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Be more vocal and open so people can know the real you instead of making assumptions based on silence.
Being quiet forces others to make assumptions; being vocal builds confidence through positive reactions.
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Make a small effort to text friends regularly to keep relationships rolling, as it is the preferred, quick, and non-intrusive method for most people.
Relationships take upkeep.
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Say people's names to them.
It is weirdly effective.
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Ignore metrics like the number of sexual partners and focus on building closer relationships.
The number is just a number and doesn't mean anything.
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Ask questions about what the other person is talking about instead of trying to be witty.
People love to talk about themselves, and you do not need to say something interesting or funny to have a decent conversation.
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Stroke the egos of others during interactions.
Stroking their ego is listed as a key social strategy.
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Master communication skills and learn to talk better to improve charisma.
This is described as the most important thing for charisma.
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After answering a question, ask the other person a question to keep the conversation going.
Both your opinion and the other person's opinion matter.
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Give yourself permission to be engaging; assuming you are not charismatic can cause you to remain that way.
Believing you lack charisma can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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Surround yourself only with people who help you grow and are genuinely happy about your growth.
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Assume neglect or misunderstanding rather than malice when interpreting others' actions.
Attributing behavior to stupidity rather than malice helps avoid dwelling on what people think of you.
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Listen actively to others.
Listening is listed as a key social strategy.
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Cultivate interesting stories and traits to be interesting to others.
Being interesting is listed as a key social strategy.
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Avoid forcing friendships; let social connections develop naturally.
Forcing a friendship makes both parties feel bad.
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Improve yourself by experiencing life and learning from other people rather than focusing too much on yourself.
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Be curious, interested, and an active listener to generate conversation topics.
Curiosity and listening address the problem of not knowing what to talk about.
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Stop forcing jokes or acting differently from your personality; instead, find common ground with people you want to talk to and let the conversation flow naturally once a connection is established.
acting different might send a wrong vibe
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Wait for a related topic to come up or a pause in the conversation before introducing new information.
Inserting unrelated facts awkwardly makes you appear insufferable.
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Be intentional with friendships by initiating plans, spending time with people you care about, meeting new people, saying hi first, and prioritizing in-person connection over social media.
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Accept that while you are not obligated to conform to normative lifestyles, you are not entitled to avoid others questioning or commenting on your choices.
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Practice deep curiosity by listening intently and seeking to understand others' perspectives and emotions.
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Actively build key friendships rather than expecting them to happen naturally.
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Build meaningful connections and surround yourself with positive people.
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Visit venues or take trips related to your hobbies, such as rock climbing, to meet others who enjoy doing them together.
Take chances by joining meetup groups for hiking or board games.
This helps you realize you are bored, not boring.
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Connect with people to build friendships and family ties.
It is essential for fulfillment and progress in relationships and career; you won't get far alone.
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Join a group for activities that match your values and connect you to others so you do not drift off alone.
Activities connect us to others, which is why we need them.
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Get a dog to have company and meet people.
Dogs provide companionship and are an effective way to meet others.
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Volunteer at places like animal shelters or by teaching kids to code to meet people.
you will meet people
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Join clubs, groups, or online communities to meet like-minded people.
It helps form meaningful connections.
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Form online teams for video games to build connections and create something to look forward to.
It helps lift your mood and prevents feeling stuck in a repetitive cycle.
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Play recreational sports like dodgeball or kickball.
One person reported this helped them build a large group of friends after moving to a new city.
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Follow your interests to help make connections with like-minded people.
One person found that following interests led to new connections.
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Practice social skills through interaction and making gut-wrenching mistakes.
Social skills are skills that improve with time, effort, and practice.
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Join community service.
It surrounds you with people who care about others and encourages you to care about others yourself.
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Visit venues or take trips related to your hobbies, such as rock climbing, to meet others who enjoy doing them together.
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Join a school club to find purpose through responsibilities to others.
One person found that having responsibilities to other people in a robotics club gave them much purpose.
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Enroll in classes where instructors expect students to be unsure and nervous.
It provides an easy social setting with guidance for beginners.
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Attend group meetups for interests you enjoy to build social confidence.
Social confidence is an underrated life skill.
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Join a hobby group that requires socialization, such as rock climbing, to combat isolation.
Isolation kills progress; having people who know your past keeps you accountable.
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Take an improv class to improve communication skills and make new friends.
It improves communication and provides newfound friends.
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Locate people with similar interests to create a small accountability circle; set a minor target and ask them to check on your progress.
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- Create a community to share personal experiences and hold yourself accountable.1
Improve social confidence over time by regularly meeting kind or cool people in various settings like university, work, or through friends.
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Join an outdoor group for hiking or climbing and a professional organization committee.
To learn wilderness skills and get more involved professionally.
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Force yourself to start conversations daily, attend social events, and actively engage people to overcome social fears.
Opportunities to talk are everywhere; active engagement builds social capability.
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Find your identity by determining what makes you happy and passionate, then seek out people with similar mindsets.
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If you are looking for community, try going to a local church; one person reported meeting friends their age, finding purpose in volunteering, and eventually meeting their future wife there.
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Enjoy school and peers while you can, as you will miss classes and seeing people your age in adulthood.
Adulthood sucks.
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If you are young, focus on spending time outdoors exercising and socializing with friends over internal self-improvement advice.
Friends provide more help than abstract advice.
- Applies specifically to youth (e.g., age 15)
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Accept that changing your quality of life and habits may require changing your social circle.
Old friends may not align with your new trajectory.
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Surround yourself with positive and supportive people to maintain your changes.
It is the most important factor for maintenance.
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Schedule regular video calls with an accountability partner to maintain structure and social contact.
It provides a schedule and social interaction even if no work gets done.
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Be honest with potential partners about living at home to save money and avoid debt after graduating.
They will likely understand the financial motivation.
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