Social skills
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Focus on being curious about other people instead of trying to appear interesting yourself.
This approach works because people tend to be interested in those who show interest in them.
- Some introverts or semi-introverts may not like talking about themselves too much.
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- Direct your curiosity toward others instead of seeking their attention.3
- Be kind and show genuine interest by asking people about themselves.4
- Focus on the other person's self-interest to reach them, ensuring your approach does not feel fake.1
- Focus on being interested in others rather than trying to be interesting; listen to their stories.1
Meet new people by joining new communities or developing new hobbies rather than trying to maintain old friendships that no longer align with your growth.
It helps you drift toward others who value the same things or have the same interests, enriching your life.
- You may have to let go of some old friends.
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Distance yourself from people who stifle you to create space to be yourself.
One person reported this did them a lot of good over two years.
one person who lived it
Speak loudly and clearly, and smile more often.
Smiling can improve the mood of those who see it.
- Smiling too much may cause others to view you as a creep or pervert.
one person who lived it
- Smile frequently.3
Say hi to strangers, remembering that the worst outcome is simply being told no.
You are not in danger of dying or being mugged.
one person who lived it
- Build confidence by greeting strangers on the street with eye contact and a smile.1
- Repeatedly walk up to strangers and say hello until the action feels less imposing.4
people, conversations, questions, talk96
Listen actively and immerse yourself in the moment without planning your response, showing genuine interest in what others are saying.
Do favors for others to increase your liking of them.
One person reported that doing a favor for someone made them like that person more.
- Based on one person's experience.
one person who lived it
Be interested in people and make them feel valued.
People like feeling important.
- This does not actually make you interesting, which is more central to making friends.
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Read Robin Dreeke's 'It's Not All About Me' to improve conversation confidence.
It can revolutionize the way you converse with people by shifting focus away from what to say.
one person who lived it
Listen to understand rather than waiting for your turn to speak.
It makes people feel more at ease.
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- Genuinely listen to what people have to say so they feel heard.1
- Talk less and listen more in conversations.2
- Listen actively and immerse yourself in the moment without planning your response, showing genuine interest in what others are saying.15
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Cultivate at least two of these four traits: enthusiasm, confidence, humor, and optimism.
People who display at least two of these traits are welcome almost anywhere.
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Walk up to a group and cheerily say 'hi' with a smile when entering an event.
People are receptive to this approach.
one person who lived it
Get comfortable sitting in silence during conversations.
Quiet moments are only uncomfortable if you force them to be. The individual who remains at ease with quiet holds the most influence in any setting.
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Show people that you like them to get them to like you.
Humans are simple creatures.
one person who lived it
Act like a grandma by offering care, treats, and compliments.
One person found this helped them stay close to the people they love.
one person who lived it
Surround yourself with people with whom you feel safe asking questions.
It is really life changing.
one person who lived it
Take more risks when interacting with others.
Taking more risks seems to have helped.
one person who lived it
Remind yourself that others are focused on their own lives and will quickly move past any awkwardness you experience.
People generally do not care if you were shy or awkward.
one person who lived it
Ask detailed follow-up questions when someone shows passion for a topic, even if the questions seem simple.
People love to talk about their passions.
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- Share your genuine interests and passions, including small details, rather than filtering for what seems more interesting.1
- Keep conversations going by asking pointed, curious questions to show genuine interest.1
- Ask follow-up questions based on what the other person just said to keep conversations natural.1
- Listen actively and ask questions about others' interests, then steer the conversation later to what you want.3
Ask questions when you don't know how things work, as people often enjoy explaining and flexing their knowledge.
People love flexing their knowledge and are willing to explain stuff, which can lead to amazing conversation.
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Talk about what the other person wants, then show them how to get it.
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Break down what others say into relatable topics to connect with them.
People love to relate to others as much as they like talking about themselves.
one person who lived it
Share your opinion on a subject and link it to another related topic or memory to keep the conversation going.
It is simple to do once you get used to it.
one person who lived it
Avoid correcting or challenging someone's opinion shortly after meeting them.
Doing so can make the other person visibly frustrated and cause them to walk away, marking you as bad at small talk.
one person who lived it
Ask natural follow-up questions that do not make the other person feel uncomfortable.
It is not about prying.
one person who lived it
Ask for small help to make yourself seem more approachable.
Most people like feeling helpful.
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Start conversations with bland, simple greetings like 'Good morning! How are you?' to open up.
Saying bland things can help you open up yourself.
one person who lived it
- Start networking conversations by repeating specific questions like 'What brings you here?' and 'What do you do?'.1
- Start conversations by talking about your own interests, favorite moments from the day, or small wins.1
Keep a diary of interesting conversations and research topics people bring up.
It helps a lot.
one person who lived it
Reduce engagement in texts and plans to signal boundaries and manage social overload.
This helps others get the vibe that you need space.
one person who lived it
Cut back on gossiping.
to get the goal of building respect and social competence
one person who lived it
Avoid overusing a person's name immediately after meeting them.
It feels overly intimate and puts people on guard, making them question what you want.
one person who lived it
Use humor to set a positive tone and become the source of good energy in a room.
It shifts your role from observer to the 'vibe' itself.
one person who lived it
Prefer talking to one person at a time rather than engaging with a group.
It helps set a personal connection and avoids the difficulty of getting a word in during group talk.
one person who lived it
Ask a male friend who knows you well for honest feedback on how he perceives your behavior.
He might provide the answer to why you are perceived a certain way.
one person who lived it
Let the other person speak rather than telling long-winded stories about yourself.
Most people care little about your lengthy narratives.
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- Briefly communicate your thoughts in stories rather than spending time on details or nuances.1
Talk to strangers, distant family, or coworkers to open new paths of ideas and energy.
It opens new paths of ideas and energy.
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Share things you love with full enthusiasm, as people gravitate toward that energy.
People gravitate to enthusiasm.
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When you don't know what to say in a conversation, repeat the last words the other person said.
This technique, called mirroring, encourages the other person to continue talking.
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Approach quiet or shy people with kindness and patience; they often open up over time and share interesting stories.
They slowly opened up and talked more when approached kindly.
one person who lived it
Shift your mindset from focusing internally to keeping the focus on the other person by asking them questions.
Shy people tend to focus a lot internally.
one person who lived it
Think out loud during conversations instead of keeping thoughts inside your head.
It allows other people to participate.
one person who lived it
Tailor your comments in job interviews to what the employer needs to hear.
Toning down an outgoing personality may be necessary with some interviewers to get the job.
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Take up hobbies you enjoy to build passion, which enhances your delivery more than the content of what you say.
Passion is attractive to people.
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- Cultivate a hobby and speak passionately about it to attract others.1
Learn your boundaries and stop engaging with people who take advantage of your willingness to listen.
One person reported reaching a limit where they knew everyone's goals but nobody knew theirs, leading them to let the person go.
one person who lived it
Listen completely and speak less to make the other person the center of attention.
Listening and acknowledging what they say makes people feel appreciated and want to warm up to you; most people never listen.
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Tell the other person that your mind went blank to appear more personable and relatable.
Letting the person know your mind went blank can make you seem super personable and relatable.
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Ask follow-up questions when you do not know what to say or respond to in a conversation.
It is common not to know how to respond, especially if you are unfamiliar with the subject.
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Show excitement and passion about what you are doing.
It is attractive.
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Share your enthusiasm by letting others watch your reaction to something you love.
Fans enjoy watching a newbie's blind reaction as it helps them relive their first experience with it while sharing it with someone else.
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Become a good listener to ensure people want you around and to make a good impression.
Many people cannot listen, so doing so distinguishes you positively.
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Spin questions around by asking 'what about you?' to shift the topic to the other person.
It gives them the opportunity to talk about themselves and prevents them from sticking on a topic.
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Avoid bullshitting people in conversations because they can easily sense it.
People can feel when someone is using a bullshit approach even if it doesn't look like it.
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Talk to people beyond those you find good-looking to expand your social practice and avoid reflecting poorly on yourself.
Limiting conversation to attractive people restricts practice and reflects poorly on you.
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Be genuine and authentic in conversation, even if your interests differ from the other person's.
Being genuine becomes easy once you realize you are just being yourself.
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Count to ten before speaking when someone else is talking.
It helps prevent interrupting, reduces defensiveness, and increases presence.
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Take pressure off keeping conversations going by asking people about themselves and following up with questions.
People love talking about themselves.
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- Ask questions that let others discuss themselves to start conversations.7
- Ask open-ended questions to get people to talk about themselves.1
Use people's names in conversation to build rapport and make a positive impression.
Using someone's name works magic and helps you go far.
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Copy the behaviors of people who make you feel good to bring a positive vibe into conversations.
It is easier than memorizing rules from a book.
one person who lived it
Be interested in other people, since they are everyone's favorite topic.
People love to talk about themselves.
one person who lived it
Balance engagement by sharing and challenging ideas to maintain your presence.
This ensures the conversation is a two-way street.
one person who lived it
Talk to fellow practitioners before and after class to build friendships and avoid appearing closed off.
Many people are chilling and not in a rush; staying silent can lead others to assume you are too busy or arrogant.
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Talk to people as if you are talking to friends, not strangers.
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Share your own stories and talk about yourself during conversations.
Not sharing leads to interactions feeling like interviews.
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Be vulnerable yourself before asking others questions right away.
Asking questions immediately without opening up can offend people who do not enjoy talking about themselves.
- Not everyone loves talking about themselves.
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Recognize when it is time to leave a social gathering.
Sitting around forever makes you a nuisance.
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Ask a trusted friend for specific feedback on social interactions they witnessed.
Others often go unnoticed by those who feel horrible about them, and another person's input helps put things in perspective.
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Use mirroring techniques to turn small talk into more intimate conversations.
It has helped one person form deeper relationships despite hating small talk.
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Acknowledge what someone just said before adding your own comment.
It shows you listened and is greatly appreciated.
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Write down your interests, likes, dislikes, and hobbies to identify traits attached to your personality.
If you have even one of each, it is attached to your personality.
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Leave gaps in early conversations instead of telling someone everything about yourself.
Let them wonder.
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Give sincere compliments on changeable attributes like clothing rather than unchangeable features like eyes.
People will remember compliments on things like shirts for a long time.
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Contribute to conversations only when you have something worth saying.
People appreciate this restraint.
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Drop your own name into the conversation early to remind others who you are.
People inevitably forget names.
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Practice active listening instead of worrying about how you are coming across during conversations.
Worrying about your image prevents you from really listening.
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Take a moment to pause before speaking rather than voicing your immediate thought.
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Share your thoughts, feelings, and interests with others to reveal your personality.
Self-disclosure is critical to having a personality.
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Focus on finding daily joys to naturally generate conversation topics.
Charisma flows naturally when you have things to talk about.
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Ensure your interest in others is genuine, not just a technique.
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Cultivate quiet confidence in your opinions so you do not feel compelled to interject them for validation.
Interjecting opinions is often a search for validation, whereas quiet confidence attracts people.
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If you suspect you interrupt because you drone on, notice what makes listeners bored or uncomfortable and stop doing those specific things.
One person found that stories which previously made people walk away became excellent conversational material after they stopped the behaviors that caused boredom.
one person who lived it
Avoid sending signals of disinterest, such as avoiding eye contact or keeping distance, to invite conversations.
Such signals can prevent conversations from starting.
one person who lived it
Give sincere compliments to motivate others.
Everyone likes a compliment, but insincerity has the opposite effect.
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Reintroduce yourself to people from your past by acknowledging previous behavior, apologizing if necessary, and expressing excitement to collaborate as your new self.
You are not powerless in these situations.
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Act as a bridge between professors and classmates if you are comfortable approaching authority figures.
One person reported that acting as a middleman helped cultivate lasting relationships with both groups because classmates were scared to approach professors.
one person who lived it
Carry a daily planner to jot down names and reminders of people you meet afterward in private to help remember them.
- Doing this publicly may seem strange.
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Frame your conversation around what the other person cares about, not yourself.
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Ask strangers questions about the local area to initiate conversation.
It encourages conversation.
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Attribute very little importance to individual conversations to avoid anxious noise.
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One person reported throwing opinions mid-conversation to command attention, noting that while this makes them seem like an asshole, it ensures everyone listens.
- You may seem like an asshole.
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meet, interests, friends, join47
Connect with people who share your interests by joining groups or teams focused on those hobbies.
Force yourself to make basic social connections while you are young, before life gets busier with work and kids.
Once people reach their 30s, they often lack the time for friends due to busy schedules.
one person who lived it
invite people to coffee, tea, movies, or walks to build friendships.
It works based on the Golden Rule of treating others as you wish to be treated.
one person who lived it
Find friends who share your specific goals.
It will help tremendously.
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- Make friends more easily by connecting with people who share a common passion with you.7
Seek wisdom from older single women in social settings instead of reading angry forums.
You may learn more in twenty minutes from such conversations than in years of forum reading.
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Join a fitness group to learn proper form, get fit, and meet fun people.
One person found they learned how to run properly, got fit, and met really fun people after joining because a workmate needed a partner.
one person who lived it
Focus on yourself and spend time with people who share your interests.
The rest will follow naturally.
one person who lived it
Find free time to ask coworkers about their work or life to build connections.
They will naturally ask about you in return.
one person who lived it
Join clubs centered around shared interests, such as sports or business, to build friendships outside of work and school.
It helps make friends who share an interest that isn't work or school buddies.
one person who lived it
Sign up for dance classes, such as Salsa, to learn skills and meet friendly people in a positive environment.
They are fun and have positive energy.
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- Try taking a dancing class.1
Start searching for friends now.
Putting yourself out there leads to improvements in many areas.
one person who lived it
Check if there is a book club at your local library that matches the books you read.
It can help you gain friends.
one person who lived it
Include children in adult gatherings to help them develop comfort interacting with all ages.
One person reported that being included led to having friends ranging from 18 to almost 70 years old as an adult.
one person who lived it
Join book clubs, online forums, hiking groups, or writing groups based on your interests to meet new people.
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- Look for groups or online spaces centered on your hobbies so you can talk about them openly.9
- Connect with people who share your interests by joining groups or teams focused on those hobbies.14
- Find groups involved in your specific hobbies, such as anime clubs, writer groups, study groups, book clubs, video game communities, or joint groups on Meetup.4
- Join clubs, take classes, or participate in group fitness activities to meet people.1
- Participate in interest-based groups, either digitally or face-to-face, to boost confidence and social ability.3
Start small by checking in with close family members.
It can strengthen relationships massively.
- One person's experience
one person who lived it
Surround yourself with inspiring people by reading their biographies and watching videos of those you admire.
It allows us to know people and be with people we don't even know.
one person who lived it
Find people who mutually enjoy spending time with you, even if it takes time, rather than settling for one-way friendships.
Mutual enjoyment is better than one-sided relationships.
one person who lived it
Join local meetup groups even if the topic isn't ideal, to change scenery and meet people.
It provides a change of scenery.
one person who lived it
Go to places where people share your interests, such as gaming bars, to meet new people.
Shared interests make it easier to connect and make friends compared to random locations.
one person who lived it
Find someone else who shares similar social struggles to reduce feelings of isolation.
There are many others like you.
one person who lived it
Reflect on your hobbies and values to identify types of people you might connect with.
Finding people who share these traits can make socializing more enjoyable.
one person who lived it
See your existing friends more often to build closeness and meet new people through them.
Increased frequency leads to closer relationships and expanded networks.
one person who lived it
Directly ask potential friends if they want to be friends.
Rejection simply means the person is not a good fit, bringing you statistically closer to finding ideal companions.
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Listen to topics others discuss, such as movies, books, travel, or fitness, and research them in your free time to develop genuine interests.
Researching these topics helps you start developing interests.
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Reconnect with old friends by contacting them via text or social media.
- This approach helped one person reconnect.
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Force yourself to hold brief, casual conversations with acquaintances to potentially make new friends.
One person reported quickly making a good friend who then introduced them to others.
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Seek out coworkers you click with rather than forcing relationships with difficult colleagues.
Trying to get along with difficult coworkers can make you feel something is wrong with you, whereas clicking with others provides relief.
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Cultivate a few highly extroverted friends to help with broader social connections.
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Focus on connecting with people who are actively looking for friendship or romantic relationships.
You cannot seduce people into these relationships if they aren't looking for one.
one person who lived it
If you play an instrument, search for bands on Craigslist to join the local music scene and meet people with shared interests.
one person who lived it
Join clubs, churches, or hobby groups to meet people organically without pressuring yourself to find a romantic partner immediately.
Shared interests make it easier to connect with someone.
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Bond with others by sharing common interests or risks, such as through new hobbies like scuba diving or doing exciting activities together.
Sharing common interests or risks makes bonding easier; long-lasting friendships often emerge from doing crazy or dangerous things together.
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Meet people through shared interests, such as going to the gym, to naturally build friendships over repeated exposure.
Seeing the same faces regularly increases the likelihood of conversation.
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Volunteer to meet others.
immediately provides common ground and lowers pressure for relationship development
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Maintain friendships through regular maintenance.
Friendships need regular maintenance like anything else.
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Develop interests such as running, coding, DJing, photography, or cooking.
Interesting people have interests.
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Be open about your interests to naturally attract people with similar goals.
Openness draws in people interested in similar things.
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If someone likes a movie you haven't seen, watch it to find common ground for conversation.
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Start expanding your social circle by attending events that align with your existing interests.
Aligning with existing passions makes starting easier.
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One approach that helped: attend raves and concerts to meet friendly, accepting people.
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Join recreational leagues, such as dodgeball, to make friends.
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habits, steps, activities, goals48
Journal your thoughts to externalize them and reduce rumination.
Stop labeling yourself as boring and focus on things that bring you joy.
It makes life feel more vibrant.
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If you struggle with fitting in, try stopping that effort and focusing on enjoying your own company instead.
It led to feeling happier.
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Work out every day and engage in hobbies you like to help prevent losing your mind.
One person reports this helps them from losing their mind.
- Based on one person's experience.
one person who lived it
Go out and do things you enjoy so that you are having fun.
To ensure you are having fun.
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Go out even when it feels difficult to build the habit of trying.
It feels better knowing that you are trying something.
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Take small steps out of your comfort zone, such as going to new free events or trying new coffee shops.
This can lead to having stories, meeting new people, and becoming happier overall.
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Pursue what you love without needing anyone's approval, and surround yourself with positive people instead of those who bring you down.
This approach helped one person grow as a person.
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Focus on finding happiness in your own hobbies and passions.
Being happy with your interests is what really matters.
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Spend time around inspiring 'do-ers' to accelerate personal growth.
Being around such people is claimed to 10x growth and explode potential.
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Journal regularly instead of relying solely on reading to learn about yourself, your goals, moods, and triggers.
Five years of journaling yields far more self-knowledge than reading does.
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Explore outside your comfort zone to prevent it from becoming a cage.
Otherwise you get stuck in it.
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Take self-improvement steps one at a time and stop hating yourself.
Self-hatred is unhelpful.
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Force yourself to try new things even if you don't feel like it.
New experiences change your personality.
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Encourage and reassure people who believe their faults are too big to fix.
They lack motivation otherwise; reassurance helps them believe they can do it.
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If you do not feel like doing workouts, go on walks instead.
It helps soothe you.
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Maintain social interaction while pursuing goals like weight loss instead of isolating yourself until the goal is reached.
Life is short and putting it on hold is a shame.
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Practice Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu to meet new friends, build confidence, and challenge yourself physically.
One person reported it would have immensely helped their younger self with these goals.
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Commit to practicing social improvement daily for the rest of your life to avoid falling back into bad habits.
If not, it is easy to fall into bad habits.
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If you feel limited in the topics you can contribute to, expand your knowledge by traveling or reading more.
Lack of knowledge limits the number of topics one can contribute to.
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Repeat affirmations like 'I am not afraid' to distinguish your identity from the emotion of fear.
To recognize that you are not fear itself, even if you feel it.
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Start meditating for one minute each morning to build mindfulness, increasing to five minutes when ready.
Starting with one minute removes the reason not to do it.
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Identify your strengths and weaknesses, then play to the former while shoring up the latter.
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Spend time alone to discover what you enjoy and who you are, then let that authentic self shine in social settings.
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Replace bad habits with good ones by engaging in activities where you see many different people, such as hiking or trainings.
This helped one person feel better and fulfilled.
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Put self-improvement material into practice, as reading alone is ineffective.
It must be put in practice to be useful.
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Return to childhood interests, such as collecting rocks or wandering the woods, as a starting point for moving forward.
One approach described this as similar to regression.
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Accept mistakes and learn from them rather than repeating the same behaviors.
Repeating the same mistakes is pointless; learning ensures practice leads to growth.
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Practice conversations with yourself by thinking through scenarios.
It works.
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If excluded from a group, host your own events or lead projects instead of waiting for invitations.
One person found this allowed them to act independently after being rejected for freethinking.
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Pick and choose key habits and tools from self-help books rather than internalizing all information at once.
Internalizing all information at once is troublesome.
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Turn off your phone and engage in real-world activities like joining a gym, hiking, volunteering, reading, or connecting with people to find relationships and meaning.
These activities help you find relationships and meaning.
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Surround yourself with high achievers to internalize their standards and work ethic.
One person reported that working with them made mediocrity unacceptable and instilled a drive to do the best possible.
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Embrace your introspective energy.
It is grounding and beautiful.
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Find healthy ways to process your feelings, like writing, moving your body, or speaking with supportive listeners.
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Sit and do nothing occasionally until silence starts to feel natural.
It helps you become comfortable with quiet moments.
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Journal your thoughts to externalize them and reduce rumination.
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Adopt a growth mindset by choosing challenges with increasing difficulty rather than sticking to lower difficulty tasks.
Those with a growth mindset see intelligence as facing harder challenges.
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Experiment with various interests; once you find one you enjoy, invest more time in it.
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Use the memory of how good a successful social outing felt as motivation for future attempts.
The positive memory motivates you when you doubt trying something new.
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- Celebrate small steps and remember how good the experience felt to motivate yourself when you doubt trying something new.1
Accept being a fool and facing regular rejection as necessary steps to mastering new skills.
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Replace passive media consumption (movies, games, fiction) with active self-improvement inputs (podcasts, non-fiction, journaling).
This practice changed one person's subconscious and conscious thought patterns, improving their life.
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Accept that feeling uneasy and potentially failing are likely parts of leaving your comfort zone.
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Just start doing activities without worrying about whether they are interesting enough.
It doesn't particularly matter what you do.
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Stop seeking advice or performing; follow your intuition, learn through direct experience, and develop your own taste.
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Stop comparing yourself to others; define happiness based on your own expectations and start with attainable goals.
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Include solo activities into your daily schedule consistently.
Consistency forces you to integrate these habits.
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Do something incredibly uncomfortable, such as taking an improv class or traveling alone.
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body, language, smile, eye16
Work on your posture and body language, since it can make a significant difference.
Align your mouth and body language so they say the same thing.
People see this consistency as authentic.
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Make eye contact, nod, and smile while talking to signal that you are listening and engaged.
It makes others happy and signals that you are listening to them.
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Check your resting face in the mirror and consciously keep a slight smile.
Your body tends to show what your mind feels.
one person who lived it
Maintain eye contact to show you are present and comfortable; look at the floor or forehead only if necessary, but generally aim for presence rather than staring.
Looking at the floor or just the forehead looks strange; maintaining eye contact and using open body language can make a big difference.
- In business meetings, use a triangle: eye - eye - forehead.
- In romantic endeavors, use eye - eye - lips.
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Adopt a laid-back posture with open hands and open legs; if possible, lean your side against a wall or back against a pillar.
It works wonders compared to stiff posture.
one person who lived it
Make a conscious effort to smile, even if your default expression is serious.
Smiling is described as a form of manipulation.
one person who lived it
Use brief, intermittent eye contact (e.g., a slow 2-second count) followed by looking away and smiling.
Prolonged staring creates awkwardness.
one person who lived it
Study public speaking or acting to learn physical cues like posture, mirroring, and facial movements.
These techniques help you come across as likable and keep communication smooth when you are unsure what to do.
one person who lived it
Work on your posture and body language, since it can make a significant difference.
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Correct your posture by keeping shoulders back and chin straight ahead.
One person's body language dominated taller colleagues using this technique.
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Observe people's body language, facial expressions, words, and behavior to understand them better.
Body language and tone of voice often communicate more than spoken words do.
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- Pay attention to non-verbal communication and body language.1
- Observe body language cues like facial expressions, smile timing, positioning, mirroring, eye contact, touch, and voice cadence to understand what someone is communicating.1
Monitor body language, tone of voice, eye contact, and physical distance when greeting others.
These factors impact social interactions.
one person who lived it
Practice expressing specific emotions in front of a mirror to ensure your facial expressions match your intended feelings.
Misinterpretation may occur if your facial expression does not accurately portray the feeling; this helps if your resting face makes people think you are mad.
one person who lived it
Test social behaviors by observing the other person's reaction to gauge appropriateness.
Negative reactions, such as making a face, indicate when to stop a behavior like telling a joke.
one person who lived it
social, fear, situations, practice37
Practice exposure therapy by consistently interacting with the same group and forcing yourself into social scenarios despite fear.
Eventually, your mind and body realize there is no threat, reducing anxiety.
- It will be hard, scary, and you may panic at first.
4 people, independently
Practice casual conversations with neighbors or strangers by asking simple questions like 'how was your day?' to build confidence.
One person found their social skills and confidence improved after doing this for 4-5 days.
2 people, independently
- Start with small, low-stakes interactions like talking to baristas, clerks, or Uber drivers, then gradually increase to meetups and group classes.2
Put yourself out there socially and try new hobbies to meet new friends.
While it can be scary, the fear is often just in your head, and doing different things helps you connect with others.
one person who lived it
Get a part-time job behind a bar, preferably in a fast-paced nightclub.
It helps majorly; the fast pace means you don't need to worry if people can hear you.
one person who lived it
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Get a job as a server or in customer service to get paid to practice social skills.
It helps you craft elevator pitches after the initial awkwardness fades.
- It is horribly awkward at first.
2 people, independently
Think before acting or speaking to reduce social awkwardness.
One person found this helped them.
- Based on one person's experience
one person who lived it
Go to bars or restaurants alone to practice socializing and meeting people.
It helps get you out of your head.
one person who lived it
Gradually expand your comfort zone by starting with small steps like brief eye contact or short walks, then adding manageable actions like pleasantries.
Pushing yourself slowly helps manage the discomfort.
2 people, independently
- Leave your comfort zone in small steps, such as visiting a public place briefly (e.g., getting water, smoking outside for 5 minutes) and then leaving if desired.3
- Gradually expand your comfort zone by starting with small social acts, such as asking someone for the time.3
- Gradually expose yourself to social situations by starting with small steps like doing chores, helping family, or going outdoors once.1
- Approach people alone to introduce yourself, accepting that fear may persist but can be managed through action.1
Set a rule to talk to girls standing alone or doing nothing, even if they aren't attractive, to practice conversation without fear of messing up.
It is easier because you don't care if you mess it up.
one person who lived it
Talk to yourself aloud, pretending you have an audience or are a streamer.
It helps.
one person who lived it
If you are burnt out during social situations, wear headphones and simply smile and nod to conserve energy and be kind to yourself.
It allows you to be nice to yourself when burnt out, even if it initially seems rude.
one person who lived it
Put yourself into social situations despite fear of awkwardness, and show self-compassion when things don't go well.
This helps view bad experiences as learning opportunities, which can help develop social skills faster.
- One person's experience
one person who lived it
Work a customer service job involving frequent talking to people.
One person reported this helped them overcome fear through exposure.
- Based on one person's experience
one person who lived it
Volunteer for roles that require approaching people, such as at a festival, to practice thinking on your feet and having something to refer to when you feel stuck.
Having a role provides something to refer to when you feel like you have nothing to say.
one person who lived it
Force yourself into social situations even if you want to back out.
Taking action despite fear can lead to positive outcomes.
one person who lived it
- Put yourself in uncomfortable social situations and give your best effort, even if you feel anxious.3
Cut down on alcohol intake or cease consumption completely.
Alcohol harms your liver and virtually all other body functions; abstaining in social settings helps you achieve peak confidence faster.
3 people, independently
Lower social anxiety by recognizing that most people are insecure and rarely dwell on others.
3 people, independently
Ask strangers to play cards or engage in low-stakes social interactions to leave your comfort zone.
One person found asking strangers on a train to play cards resulted in a nice experience.
one person who lived it
If you struggle with in-person social interaction, try warming up by communicating via video chat first.
It helped one person prove they could communicate with anyone and build confidence.
one person who lived it
Find regular activities to do outside the house, such as going to the library, park, bowling, or a cafe, to build comfort in those areas.
Socializing is a skill that atrophies if not used; regularly getting out makes you more comfortable.
one person who lived it
Start with low-stakes social environments like pub trivia chats before attempting high-stakes ones like clubs.
Being paralyzed at a club does not teach skills, whereas lower-stakes settings provide something to talk about.
one person who lived it
Go easy on yourself by lowering expectations for both yourself and others to reduce social pressure.
Having no expectations makes it easier for people to be around you.
one person who lived it
Put yourself in unfamiliar and uncomfortable social situations repeatedly until they become routine.
The stress decreases with repetition: fainting fear the first time, better the second, worried the third, routine the fourth.
2 people, independently
Ask stupid questions repeatedly to condition yourself that the consequences are manageable.
Experiencing this helps you get used to it.
one person who lived it
Accept social invitations and volunteer for opportunities when offered.
Embarrassing experiences can become great ice-breakers later.
one person who lived it
Actively initiate conversations and socialize in settings like university classes to improve social skills and enjoyment.
Changing your outlook from being asocial to actively engaging feels good and improves the experience.
one person who lived it
Ease into sociability by joining social events centered around hobbies you enjoy, rather than forcing yourself into unfamiliar situations.
Familiar interests reduce social awkwardness, whereas brute-forcing socialization can backfire.
one person who lived it
Improve social skills by forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations with strangers, accepting that initial discomfort comes with practice.
Being thrown into deep-end scenarios like university improved one person's skill through repetition.
one person who lived it
Join a public speaking club like Toastmasters to practice social interaction in a structured setting.
3 people, independently
- Take improv classes to practice letting go of inhibitions in a social setting.3
Force yourself into uncomfortable situations regularly to build bravery and realize others don't care as much as you think.
one person who lived it
skills, social, improve, treat26
Regularly go out and engage with others to sharpen your social abilities through practice.
Take an improv class or read books on improv to practice social skills.
One person reported this changed their life completely and is the best activity for practicing social skills.
- It can be scary and nerve-wracking.
3 people, independently
- Regularly go out and engage with others to sharpen your social abilities through practice.10
- Practice social skills by asking to join people at lunch or chatting with someone in class.1
- Take basic improv classes to improve social skills.1
Read less and apply what you've learned to improve your social skills.
You already have the info you need.
one person who lived it
Change your environment to force interaction with real people.
This improved social skills more than reading listicles on confidence.
one person who lived it
Treat social skills as trainable abilities by studying and practicing specific behaviors until they feel natural.
Skills are not fixed personality traits; one person reported that taking notes on 'social naturals' and testing behaviors eventually led to natural interaction without overthinking.
3 people, independently
- Treat social skills as learnable skills rather than personality traits you are born with.1
- Practice social skills deliberately, treating them like any other learnable ability.9
13 more on this
Socialize frequently and talk to people every day to practice and maintain social skills.
Social skills are a practice thing that can deteriorate during periods of isolation.
3 people, independently
- Treat social skills like a muscle and use them regularly to strengthen them.1
- Treat social interaction like daily exercise, as social skills atrophy quickly if not used.2
- Constantly work on maintaining your social skills rather than assuming they are permanent once learned.1
Work in the service industry, such as being a server or bartender, to develop social skills.
It is described as a valuable experience for developing social skills, even if it is tough for socially anxious people.
- Serving can be tough for socially anxious people.
one person who lived it
Balance theory with actual practice by talking to people regularly, rather than relying solely on reading books.
Reading is bad at teaching physical or social skills without putting in the time to practice.
one person who lived it
- Practice social skills actively, as reading alone is insufficient.2
Volunteer to gain social skills through direct experience and interaction.
One person found this was the only way they could develop these skills.
one person who lived it
Get out of your head by doing more physical things, such as solo travel, to build social skills rather than focusing on partner counts.
Putting yourself out there improves social skills, which leads to desired outcomes.
one person who lived it
Join a Toastmasters International chapter to improve public speaking, communication skills, and self-esteem.
Practicing speech greatly boosts your ability to communicate and your confidence.
3 people, independently
Apply interpersonal skills from Dale Carnegie's work to improve social connections.
One person went from being a loner to popular using this approach.
one person who lived it
Read 'When I Say No I Feel Guilty' to develop assertiveness skills, which one person considers necessary to have friends.
Assertive skill is considered necessary to have friends.
one person who lived it
Ask a trusted person for honest, constructive feedback on your social skills as part of a self-improvement journey.
3 people, independently
Observe socially skilled people and take mental or written notes to analyze what works and what doesn't in their interactions.
4 people, independently
Be aware that online communication and smartphones may erode in-person social skills because they make meeting people easier without real conversation.
Online interactions phase out the process of starting real conversations in person.
one person who lived it
Cultivate social skills such as spreading positive emotions, diplomacy, conflict resolution, assertiveness, storytelling, humor, charisma, and non-verbal communication, as these may be more important survival skills today than physicality.
one person who lived it
Study Political Science textbooks and participate in simulation classes to learn negotiation and team scenarios.
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people, actions, everyone, reality89
Focus on controlling your own reactions rather than trying to control how others behave or think of you.
Recognize that others do not think about you or care about what you do as much as you assume.
Realizing how little others care can be soothing.
2 people, independently
Keep reaching out to people even if they do not reach back, focusing on the act of reaching itself.
The important thing is that you are reaching, regardless of whether people reach back.
- People will not always reach back.
one person who lived it
Remember that you are not the main character in anyone else's life, only in your own.
3 people, independently
- Embrace your identity to cease worrying about other people's opinions of you.4
- Be your specific self rather than trying to be a generic person, accepting that you will always remain you.1
Recognize that you are the average of the five people you are around the most.
3 people, independently
- Spend time with ambitious and successful people to naturally adopt their values and motivation.2
81 more on this
Adapt to the culture of a new group rather than expecting them to adapt to you.
It is your job to do so when you are new.
one person who lived it
Learn tact to preserve friendships.
Blunt honesty may cause you to lose friends.
one person who lived it
Value friends who make you laugh, check on your well-being, and listen to your struggles.
These actions constitute lifting you higher.
one person who lived it
Unapologetically accept who you are and what you like and dislike.
Things get better when you do this.
one person who lived it
Impose respect and show self-respect to ensure others respect you.
Even nice people won't respect you if you don't show self-respect.
one person who lived it
Accept that you will never be everyone's friend to reduce social pressure.
This reality is freeing because some people may dislike your presence while others look forward to seeing you.
one person who lived it
If someone agrees to go out but doesn't seem to want to, accept that it is their issue to resolve.
It is not your job to police other people's authenticity.
one person who lived it
Remind yourself that your friends influence you but do not define you.
One person found this reminder helpful.
one person who lived it
Adjust your expectations by recognizing that people are often not logical.
It helps explain why people do things you do not understand.
one person who lived it
Have expectations only of yourself, trusting that life will eventually bring you to the right people.
Life comes around and you find your people.
one person who lived it
Focus on controlling your own reactions rather than trying to control how others behave or think of you.
13 people, independently
Reach out to people who have overcome similar struggles rather than those who naturally possess the trait you seek.
Those who naturally have the trait (e.g., free-spirited) may not know how to handle your specific situation.
one person who lived it
Use the phrase 'Coach says...' to deflect questions about your positive lifestyle changes.
It frames restraint as preparation for a greater goal, which is widely understood when working toward something difficult.
one person who lived it
Abolish the idea that labels like 'awkward,' 'loser,' or 'cool' define people.
People are defined by emotions, feelings, and experiences rather than these labels.
one person who lived it
Be true, real, and affable with people, putting yourself out there while relinquishing attachment to self-image.
Relinquishing attachment to self-image helps connect with others.
one person who lived it
Do not obsess over finding a relationship.
Obsessing makes it obvious and can cause you to mess up.
one person who lived it
Follow through on your commitments by showing up when you say you will.
This demonstrates integrity.
2 people, independently
Act differently from societal norms by pointing out when someone has done a good job.
Society tends to highlight errors because people are not perfect, but you can choose to focus on success instead.
one person who lived it
Recognize that not every girl falls for bad boys.
Many genuinely nice guys are dating while many unpleasant men are single; it only applies to some people.
one person who lived it
Do not instantly believe what you read; use reading as an opportunity to think for yourself.
Understanding the obvious on a higher level helps you to hone your skills.
one person who lived it
Recognize that neighbors and strangers generally do not care about or notice you.
This lack of attention provides freedom from judgment.
one person who lived it
Recognize that most people portray their lives better than they are in reality.
Everyone struggles, but it is not always visible.
one person who lived it
Set clear boundaries and do not be shy about explaining them to others.
4 people, independently
- Learn to refuse requests when necessary and prevent others from taking advantage of you.8
If asked a direct question you cannot answer, own your ignorance honestly rather than faking knowledge.
You cannot learn by faking that you know it.
one person who lived it
Do not give up your interests just to conform to others; you will likely be happier.
And you'll probably be a lot happier
one person who lived it
Stop relying on broad terms like 'alpha' and focus on being confident and standing by your values.
Such terms are misleading; confidence and attitude toward values are what matter.
one person who lived it
Focus on reliability above all else in your jobs, relationships, routines, and habits.
It is the single most important factor for maintaining them.
one person who lived it
Surround yourself with people better than you in certain things to improve yourself.
Proximity to people who excel in specific areas enhances your own character.
3 people, independently
Stop romanticizing women to see them as normal human beings.
The spell and mystery wear off, revealing them as annoying humans just like everyone else.
one person who lived it
Choose a direction and deepen your obsession with it until it becomes part of you.
Personality is not a magical trait you are born with, but the result of your actions and obsessions; choosing a direction stops you from searching for a theoretical identity in a vacuum.
one person who lived it
Accept that you cannot be liked by everyone and that being polarizing is acceptable.
People will say something either way regardless of your actions.
2 people, independently
Learn to act without overthinking to allow your natural personality to emerge.
For overthinkers, acting without thinking can be highly effective advice.
- This approach may sound like terrible advice to some.
one person who lived it
Read diverse sources to form your own opinions rather than adopting views from others.
Opinions formed from other people's information often feel like they are not your own.
one person who lived it
Observe people who demonstrate compassion and investing in others to improve your own behavior.
Seeing someone invest in others can help you understand that you could be better.
one person who lived it
Acknowledge that universal approval is impossible and direct your efforts toward those who value you.
3 people, independently
Appreciate the virtues of others and realize that you are the outlier, not them.
one person who lived it
Genuinely care about people to win friends; understand them to find mutual gain for influence.
People like those who genuinely care; understanding others reveals courses of action with mutual gain.
one person who lived it
Stop sharing random details to seek attention.
Others generally do not care.
one person who lived it
Stop assuming everyone is watching or judging you, recognizing that most people are indifferent to your actions.
Thinking everyone is looking causes severe pressure.
one person who lived it
Be honest and own who you are, including weird or embarrassing traits.
People can relate and appreciate authenticity.
one person who lived it
Reject solutions to complex problems that are framed as 'just do X'.
Nobody ever simply does anything without effort or context.
one person who lived it
When someone is telling a story, listen to them instead of interjecting your own similar experiences.
Their experience is not yours.
one person who lived it
Notice and acknowledge nice things people do, such as small acts of kindness or aid.
Many people perform kind acts without expecting rewards and deserve recognition.
one person who lived it
Embrace your quirks unapologetically to become interesting.
People like interesting people.
3 people, independently
Recognize that feeling replaceable or uninteresting is often a cognitive distortion shared by others in the group.
People you perceive as funny and interesting likely share these same feelings.
one person who lived it
Describe yourself as dependable rather than predictable.
Words carry weight.
one person who lived it
Avoid putting emphasis on intellect or appearing know-it-all.
It pushes others away.
one person who lived it
Focus on surrounding yourself with authentic people rather than those who appear attractive or charismatic but are fake.
People often try to appear attractive by repressing unattractive aspects of their lives, which leads to being fake.
one person who lived it
Apologize by taking responsibility, acknowledging impact, and committing to do better.
It shows maturity in accepting responsibility for your actions.
- Avoid saying 'I'm sorry you feel that way'.
one person who lived it
Compliment people on choices they consciously made, such as their outfit or hair color, rather than generic traits.
Complimenting conscious choices is better than generic compliments.
one person who lived it
Under-promise on the scale of your achievements so that reality exceeds expectations.
It creates pleasant surprises.
2 people, independently
Keep company with people you admire, study their lives, mimic their actions, and adopt their routines.
3 people, independently
Observe what people from other cultures actually do rather than judging them based on your expectations.
Mindfulness allows you to see reality instead of how they violate your expectations.
one person who lived it
Change your dress style to authentically match your personality so people form accurate assumptions about you.
People rely on appearance as shorthand for behavior.
one person who lived it
Stop embellishing stories to avoid eventually being perceived as a liar.
to avoid being perceived as a liar
one person who lived it
Examine your own assumptions and beliefs about relationships to understand how they influence your dynamics.
Assumptions tend to dictate or heavily influence relationship dynamics.
one person who lived it
Take action immediately after getting just enough information, rather than just consuming information.
Action always trumps information.
one person who lived it
Change your repeated behaviors to alter how you and others perceive your personality.
Personality is defined by behavior repeated over time.
one person who lived it
View friendship as a good partnership where everyone lifts each other up, motivates, supports, and inspires one another.
Friendship isn’t transactional.
one person who lived it
Take a science-backed personality test to understand your baseline traits.
It helps break down your personality using qualified methods.
one person who lived it
Demand specific, actionable advice and helpful guidance instead of vague platitudes like 'just be confident' or 'be more personable'.
People need specifics, a path, and actionable advice.
one person who lived it
Avoid sandbagging your intelligence to appear relatable, as it can be soul-crushing.
it is soul crushing sometimes
one person who lived it
Cut ties decisively rather than being lukewarm.
Doing things decisively avoids having to repeat the action over and over again.
one person who lived it
Pay attention to people's actions rather than their words to accurately judge their character and intent.
4 people, independently
Find your own unique charisma rather than imitating someone else.
3 people, independently
Spend time making real memories rather than trying to improve a fictional character.
one person who lived it
Develop a strong internal frame of your own reality instead of adopting others'.
2 people, independently
Avoid giving unsolicited advice.
It is almost always poison.
one person who lived it
Reframe keeping people at a distance as being discerning and boundaried, acknowledging that while some are worth trusting, the majority may be best enjoyed from afar.
one person who lived it
Send out positive vibes yourself to potentially restore others' faith in humanity.
Your interactions can serve as a positive example for others, following the Golden Rule.
one person who lived it
Adopt the spiritual perspective of thinking of others as extensions of yourself, not separate beings.
one person who lived it
Study Nonviolent Communication to improve how you communicate with others and yourself.
3 people, independently
Adjust your energy slightly to match different people rather than forcing a uniform personality.
It is normal to act differently around different people to align energies.
one person who lived it
Notice other people's efforts and improvements.
They may reciprocate by pointing out your improvements.
one person who lived it
Go out with low expectations to avoid high disappointment.
Having low expectations prevents high disappointment.
one person who lived it
Focus on personal contacts rather than corporate employees when assessing faith in humanity.
Corporate structures often encourage poor behavior to reduce costs, whereas personal contacts reflect genuine human interaction.
one person who lived it
Show sincere appreciation, such as sending a thank-you note to a chef, ensuring it does not fall into flattery.
one person who lived it
Reject the assumption that being quiet automatically means being uninteresting.
one person who lived it
Avoid worshipping celebrities, movie franchises, or political parties; instead, value your new friends highly.
one person who lived it
Be genuinely nice to everyone, especially those struggling, without expecting anything in return.
one person who lived it
Observe how positive people interact with the world to learn forgiveness and positivity.
one person who lived it
confidence, through, gain, low23
Understand that confidence is silent while insecurity is loud.
Put yourself out there and talk to people; one person reports this helped them shift from introversion to extroversion and discover self-belief.
One person found belief in themselves they never knew they could find.
- Based on one person's experience of changing personality traits after age 21.
one person who lived it
Find someone to keep you accountable for your social goals, such as talking to a crush.
It helps build confidence.
one person who lived it
Work to gain confidence.
Confidence helps and can be learned even if it is not natural.
one person who lived it
Focus on being outgoing and charismatic rather than solely on looks.
Confidence and charisma take you further than looks ever could.
one person who lived it
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Make people laugh to show confidence.
Confidence disguised through humor lowers people’s guards and builds trust so they believe your information.
one person who lived it
If you struggle with confidence, try starting a workout routine.
One person reported gaining confidence and improving their dating life through exercise.
- This approach may not improve conversation skills.
one person who lived it
Spend time with a more socially confident friend to be drawn out of your shell or to observe and learn from their behavior.
One person reported becoming much more confident after watching a social friend.
one person who lived it
Behave authentically instead of trying to project confidence, prioritizing long-term impressions over first ones.
Trying to project confidence made me a jerk; behaving my own way led to more friendships and work success.
one person who lived it
Talk to normal people first to build confidence before attempting to talk to people who seem scarier.
Exposure to normal people increases skills and confidence.
one person who lived it
Speak to strangers in low-stakes situations, such as people waiting in line, to build confidence through a string of successes.
These interactions are low stakes and can bolster confidence.
one person who lived it
- Consider solo travel to foreign countries to build confidence through low-stakes interactions with strangers you likely won't meet again.1
Be firm in your character to build confidence.
Doubting yourself causes stagnation and keeps you behind.
one person who lived it
- Understand that confidence is silent while insecurity is loud.2
Gain confidence through repeated life experience, such as talking to women many times, to reduce pressure in future interactions.
Confidence comes from experience; doing something repeatedly reduces the pressure because you have done it before.
- This is one person's take.
one person who lived it
Fake confidence until you make it.
confidence is key
2 people, independently
Project confidence to draw people toward you, even if you have other negative traits.
Confidence is appealing because most people are unsure of themselves and gravitate toward those who appear to know what they are doing.
one person who lived it
Do more interesting things to have interesting topics to talk about and feel confident discussing yourself.
Doing cool things increases confidence in talking about yourself.
one person who lived it
Practice relaxing and being yourself with people you trust.
This helps overcome defensive automatic personas.
one person who lived it
Push through rough initial attempts at conversation to gain confidence and make interactions longer and more interesting over time.
Conversations get longer and more interesting, and you start gaining more confidence.
one person who lived it
Fake confidence when interacting with strangers, as observers cannot distinguish it from genuine confidence.
Observers perceive faked confidence the same way they perceive real confidence and charisma.
2 people, independently
Join challenging activities like boxing classes to build self-confidence and gain life-changing experiences.
Overcoming initial challenges provides lasting self-confidence.
one person who lived it
Build self-efficacy (belief in your ability to navigate your environment) to generate confidence.
one person who lived it
Improve social confidence by maintaining better posture and looking forward instead of down when walking.
one person who lived it
introverted, introverts, hobbies, social31
Accept your introversion instead of resisting it, aiming for authenticity rather than seeking the spotlight.
Personality traits are stable and genetic, making change difficult; accepting yourself helps positive traits emerge.
- Improving social skills may require forcing yourself out of your comfort zone.
4 people, independently
Judge if your vibe is shy, awkward, or passive, as this may turn people off regardless of how full your life seems on paper.
If people do not talk to you, it may be due to your personality and vibe rather than your life content.
one person who lived it
Keep introversion and social anxiety distinct; do not treat anxiety as just a form of introversion.
Introversion differs from shyness or anxiety, and anxiety needs its own focus.
3 people, independently
Chase fear and put yourself out there to meet new people or achieve goals rather than staying safely in your bubble.
Embracing discomfort led one person to meet their partner; avoiding it keeps you stuck.
one person who lived it
26 more on this
If you fake charm in social situations, plan for a long recovery time afterward.
Introverts need substantial time to recharge after masking.
- Based on one person's experience.
one person who lived it
Develop deep hobbies in 4-7 areas rather than having passive interests.
Having genuine interests allows you to speak on topics; passive hobbies like watching gaming videos do not provide this depth.
one person who lived it
Only engage in social behaviors if they help you become a better person or achieve a goal; do not do it just because of societal pressure.
It is okay to be introverted.
one person who lived it
Read 'Quiet' by Susan Cain for theoretical insights and validation of being an introvert.
It is described as more theory and 'feel good you're an introvert' content.
one person who lived it
If you are introverted and find parties tiring, leave social gatherings early.
Introverts tend to find long parties tiring.
- Based on one couple's experience.
one person who lived it
Join class-based settings like dance, language, or cooking classes to overcome social isolation and learn new skills.
Learning a new skill in a class setting helps when feeling socially isolated.
one person who lived it
Leave situations where you feel uncomfortable, recognizing the discomfort stems from incompatibility rather than a lack of social skills.
Discomfort around certain people is often due to simply not wanting to be with them, not an innate skill deficit.
one person who lived it
Let conversations sit in silence to make people guess what you are thinking.
Silence is described as a superpower that prompts others to speculate on your thoughts.
one person who lived it
Stay with an introverted friend after introducing them to others rather than leaving immediately.
Just because they are talking does not mean they are comfortable.
- Some find it exhausting to constantly ensure someone else is comfortable.
one person who lived it
- Gradually draw attention to an introverted friend instead of making them the center of attention abruptly.1
If your hobbies are solo and indoor, pick new social hobbies to create stories to tell.
Solo hobbies can stem from a lack of conversational material; social situations generate stories.
one person who lived it
Take up small talk or rambling to prevent awkward silences and help with deeper conversation.
It is necessary to keep talking to avoid awkwardness, even if introverts dislike it.
one person who lived it
Focus on kindness, shared or interesting views on life, and mutual listening when maintaining friendships.
These qualities matter more than having cool hobbies.
one person who lived it
Cultivate hobbies beyond passive online consumption to help with friendship building.
Mindlessly consuming online content makes it hard to make friends.
one person who lived it
Refine how you put yourself out there socially, as the method matters more than the act itself; do not just wait for others to talk to you.
Vaguely putting yourself out there often yields poor results because it doesn't specify proactive engagement.
one person who lived it
Relieve introverts from the pressure to provide brilliant responses or solutions by simply being present.
Introverts may mistakenly believe they must solve problems or respond brilliantly during conversation.
one person who lived it
If you are introverted, sit comfortably and observe rather than forcing conversation or using your phone; this confidence often draws people to you.
Being comfortable with your pacing attracts people who enjoy it, and observing can lead to unforced interactions where others approach you.
one person who lived it
Consider maintaining online friendships for superficial connections that are easier to pause or end.
Online interactions can feel easier because they are often more superficial and allow you to cut contact at any moment.
one person who lived it
Seek out social environments that allow for anonymity and blending into a crowd, such as raves.
These settings offer a mix of social connection and the ability to disengage from specific interactions if they are not enjoyable.
one person who lived it
Find hobbies and communities you sincerely enjoy to make social interactions fulfilling.
Socializing requires genuine connection and enjoyment to be meaningful.
2 people, independently
Recognize that feeling overwhelmed by digital communication is common among extroverts too, not just a sign of poor social skills.
Many extroverts feel overwhelmed by phones and label themselves as bad at texting.
one person who lived it
Identify an introvert's specific interests, such as video games, and ask genuine questions about them while holding off on commentary during key moments like cut scenes.
Asking about their interests helps reduce awkwardness when sharing activities like gaming.
- Hold commentary temporarily during cut scenes.
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Value introverted friends for their lack of possessiveness regarding your other social connections.
They understand that you need social time.
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Recognize that maintaining a 'cool' image often involves unwanted obligations and physical exhaustion.
One person reported being at places they didn't want to be, feeling tired, having sore feet, and disliking the associated activities (like whiskey), resulting in heartbreak and heartburn.
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Accept that most relationships involve some self-benefit, recognizing this is not inherently bad and satisfying friendships are still possible.
Self-benefit exists in any relationship but doesn't preclude satisfaction.
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Embrace being an introvert, viewing it positively as one person did.
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Actively listen during conversations to make them flow more naturally.
One person reported that active listening made a real difference in conversation flow.
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book, influence, win, books31
Read 'The Charisma Myth' by Olivia Fox Cabane for research-backed, prescriptive actions on charisma.
Read 'Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People' by Vanessa Van Edwards.
It is considered the best book on the topic by some readers.
5 people, independently
- Read 'Captivate' by Vanessa Van Edwards for a complete resource on social skills.1
Do not let the title 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' dissuade you from reading it.
It is a great read.
- People who dislike the title probably already live by the guidelines.
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- Read 'How To Win Friends And Influence People' for solid interaction principles, ignoring the outdated examples.1
Read 'Click'.
One person found it good.
- This is based on one person's experience.
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Do not explain why you are reading a controversial book to others; you do not need to explain yourself, and they do not want to hear it.
You don't need to explain yourself, and they don't want to hear it.
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Read 'How to Talk to Anyone' and 'How to Win Friends and Influence People.'
These books have helped immensely.
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Read the book 'Not Nice' by Dr. Aziz.
It was described as life changing.
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Read 'Influence: Science and Practice' by Cialdini for insights on influence.
It is described as a masterpiece that will not disappoint.
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Read 'The Courage of Being Disliked' to gain insights that go beyond what the title suggests.
The book offers more than its title implies.
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Read self-improvement books that interest you, such as 'Think Like a Monk', 'Non-Violent Communication', 'Codependent No More', 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck', 'Why Do I Do That?', or 'How to Win Friends & Influence People'.
The concepts in these books are still applicable even if some stories are outdated.
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Try reading 'Change Your Vibe' by Panara Patricia if you need help with social skills.
It helped one person out a bit.
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Read 'The Charisma Myth' by Olivia Fox Cabane for research-backed, prescriptive actions on charisma.
It contains specific actions backed by research, exercises to transform self-perception, and increase self-esteem.
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Read the book multiple times or use the audiobook to solidify concepts more than reading short excerpts.
Working through it helps solidify the concepts.
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Read 'Hope for Cynics' by Jamil Zaki to help overcome cynicism and negative assumptions.
One person found it helped while climbing out of their own cynicism.
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Read regular books to have topics to discuss with others.
It gives you something to talk about.
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- Read books on many topics to educate yourself, which helps with conversation.1
Read 'Improve Your Social Skills' by Daniel Wendler to address people-pleasing tendencies.
The book discusses this specific case, even if you don't have general social problems.
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Read non-fiction and learn about psychology to eventually gain practical material for conversation.
Doing random things out of your comfort zone helps you find stuff to talk about.
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Read 'Games People Play' by Eric Berne to understand human conflict and harmony.
It is described as very helpful for this understanding.
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Read classic literature, such as Hemingway, to expand your perspective and ability to think and talk deeply.
It expands one’s perspective and makes a person more interesting.
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Read 'Crucial Conversations' by Kerry Patterson for tools on talking when stakes are high.
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Read books to gain new knowledge and become more interesting.
Books provide new knowledge and are interesting themselves.
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Read an etiquette book from cover-to-cover.
It can help you avoid awkward situations and manage difficult scenarios like illness, death, funerals, and everyday issues.
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Read Mark Manson's 'Models' for social skills and truthfulness in interactions.
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Apply techniques from 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' such as not criticizing and giving sincere appreciation.
These techniques have been incredibly effective and used daily.
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Read Olivia Fox Cabane's 'The Charisma Myth' alongside Carnegie's book for more up-to-date advice.
'The Charisma Myth' is considered more current and valuable when paired with the older text.
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Listen to the audiobook version of 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' for a well-done, inexpensive, and easy experience suitable for car trips or nighttime listening.
The book is largely anecdotal, making it good for casual listening.
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Read 'The Fine Art of Small Talk' by Debra Fine for practical examples.
It provides practical sentences for starting, prolonging, and ending conversations.
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If your primary struggle is reading people's emotions rather than general social interaction, read Daniel Goleman's 'Emotional Intelligence' or 'Social Intelligence'.
General social skills books were ineffective for this specific problem.
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Read widely across articles, nonfiction, and fiction to gain vague familiarity with many topics.
It allows you to contribute to conversations even with limited knowledge, making others perceive you as interesting.
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criticism, conflict, view, criticizing27
Genuinely attempt to view situations from the other party’s perspective.
Recognize that social difficulties are often not your fault but rather the other people's lack of skill or comfort with their own clique.
It is freeing to realize it is not always a 'you' problem but a 'they' problem.
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Recognize that others make mistakes with you that you do not hold against them.
No one is perfect.
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Practice perspective-taking to understand that others are locked into their own model of reality.
Many people struggle with this because they are so focused on their own view.
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Focus on your own needs and be assertive to get what you want, even if it causes conflict.
Sometimes conflict is needed to get your goals.
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Genuinely attempt to view situations from the other party’s perspective.
Success depends on grasping the other person's viewpoint and seeing matters through their eyes.
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View criticism and conflict as attempts to help rather than personal attacks.
See it as the other person being sad or frustrated but trying to help you.
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Do not take it personally if someone ignores or disrespects you; take it easy.
Some people do not deserve you.
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Don't take rudeness personally; recognize it as the other person's behavior.
That is them being them.
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Avoid arguing with people unless absolutely necessary.
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
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Stop criticizing and judging people.
One person reported that changing from only criticizing others made their life go smoothly.
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Practice empathy instead of arguing.
Arguing damages another's pride; empathy helps you see eye-to-eye.
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View the capacity for disappointment as evidence of the capacity for happiness and love.
If people can disappoint us deeply, they can also surprise us positively.
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Criticize people in private rather than in public.
Public criticism makes them defensive, while private settings allow you to clarify things first.
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- Avoid criticizing others to prevent defensiveness.1
Be honest and disagree when necessary, even if it risks conflict.
Disagreeing may cause conflict, but it ensures you are being honest.
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Practice non-judgment, read about communicating differences, and meditate regularly.
Meditation helps lower frustration and improve mood.
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Define leadership as taking charge in a considerate, confident, and respectful way.
Being aggressive or disrespectful is a weak trait.
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Define conflict as disagreement about ideas, interests, or purpose.
This aspect of conflict is often underestimated.
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Listen to opposing opinions without judgment and admit when you are wrong to demonstrate open-mindedness.
Others have appreciated this approach.
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Allow the other party to maintain their dignity when resolving disputes or offering corrections.
- Helping someone else save face is described as hard.
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Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly rather than directly.
Direct criticism never works and hurts pride; indirect methods convey criticism without hurting the other person.
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When dealing with people, try to understand them emotionally rather than criticizing them logically.
People are emotional creatures, not creatures of logic.
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Understand that uncomfortable interactions may stem from the other person's unresolved baggage, not your actions.
Some people bring unresolved issues into every interaction.
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Attribute disproportionate anger in others to ignorance or a rough day rather than malice.
Disproportionate responses often indicate a bad day rather than malicious intent.
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Express genuine curiosity about others' interpretations of subcultures or beliefs instead of making assumptions.
Feeling heard makes it easier to receive feedback without perceiving it as an attack.
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Recognize that solid friendships involve discourse and disagreement rather than constant agreeableness.
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Distinguish between emotional maturity (not caring about opinions) and cruelty (not caring about feelings).
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ignore, laugh, avoid, helps15
Ignore criticism from people whose advice you would not otherwise seek.
Learn to laugh at yourself.
It helps to deal with embarrassment.
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Trust your gut if friends mock you under the guise of joking; they are not your friends.
You are always right when trusting your gut in this situation.
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Refuse to entertain racist or racial jokes from others.
Such jokes are cheap and weak.
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Take offense to disrespect internally but keep a blank face and talk to other people.
Showing anger makes it funnier for them.
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Laugh at your own mistakes and quirks.
Everyone is weird, which is normal rather than bad, helping you appear relaxed and approachable.
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Avoid complaining because it is repellent; try to change the subject or be upbeat/humorous instead.
Complaining drains energy and pushes people away.
- Don't overdo being upbeat/humorous
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Ignore criticism from people whose advice you would not otherwise seek.
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Go outside and have more unimportant conversations to reduce self-criticism when you mess up.
It helps prevent being mad at yourself for mistakes.
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Ignore criticism about your appearance or learn to laugh at it to avoid being hurt.
Pondering over such comments causes unnecessary pain; ignoring them serves you well.
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Point out racist behavior and criticize the perpetrator to make them feel uncomfortable.
Do not accept such behavior.
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When faced with hostile provocation, ignore the bait and focus on interacting with your friends instead of arguing.
Engaging in arguments often leads to regret over wasted breath; ignoring them prevents this waste.
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Stop overthinking and nitpicking what is wrong with you; instead, face problems and fix them if you genuinely dislike them.
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Adopt a mindset where you roll with cringy moments and shrug off rejection instead of fearing made-up scenarios.
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Practice giving comebacks through trial and error until they become automatic, or play dumb if you lack the energy, to avoid looking hurt or agitated.
This helps establish social hierarchy and avoids appearing butthurt.
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Keep talking immediately after making a joke without waiting for laughter to maintain conversational flow.
Waiting for validation or dwelling on duds stanches the flow.
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social, skills, practice, improvement34
Start with tiny social steps, like saying hi, and stack these small wins to improve consistently.
Accept and embrace awkwardness in social interactions because it means you tried.
it's part of being social... it means you tried
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Start with tiny social steps, like saying hi, and stack these small wins to improve consistently.
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Learn social rules for being a good person and act on them.
This approach helped one person get better initially.
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Consciously choose how you want to act in social situations to retrain your subconscious brain.
Your subconscious dictates reactions; conscious choice retrains it.
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Focus on your current social performance rather than your past.
People care about your present social performance and not much else.
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Keep your ego in check to allow for continuous improvement in social skills.
It allows you to keep getting better through practice.
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Take up real-time verbal conversations with strangers to build social reps, rather than just consuming advice online.
Actual reps rewire the brain.
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Watch content by a social dynamics expert on YouTube for insights.
Their insight and knowledge may help you.
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Adopt a growth mindset regarding social skills, believing that personality is not permanent and can be changed through effort.
We are born with temperaments, not fixed personalities, and we can change these over time.
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Follow your innate social instincts, trusting that you already possess the skills needed for interaction.
Things will improve.
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Copy enthusiastic behaviors and humor from people you admire, practice them until mastered, and adapt them into your own style.
One person reported copying an enthusiastic friend's laughter and speech patterns, mastering them, and making them their own to make people laugh.
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Be consistent and determined for a few months to internalize social skills and permanently change habits.
Internalization is key to permanent habit change.
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Respond to social greetings like 'How are you?' with vague or polite answers rather than literal truths.
These phrases are rhetorical social norms, not literal inquiries.
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Integrate socializing into your daily lifestyle rather than treating it as a limited practice session.
Practicing social skills is equivalent to socializing; limiting it to short durations hinders progress.
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Practice social skills immediately after reading about them, accepting that initial interactions may be brutal.
One person found success after many difficult attempts.
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- Accept that awkward moments happen to everyone and keep practicing; once past initial hurdles, interactions become smoother.1
View your social life as a story where you can introduce plot twists whenever you want, rather than being trapped in a fixed character.
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Improve social skills through repetition and showing openness, prioritizing body language and how the other person feels over specific words.
Body language and the feeling left after the conversation are often more important than what is said.
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Practice social techniques openly with sincere intent rather than hiding them.
Sincere desire to be better prevents the practice from being manipulation.
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Rely on intuition when applying social techniques rather than following rules rigidly.
Some techniques may not work in specific moments.
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Focus on the process of socializing rather than the outcome.
Focusing on effectiveness and results shifts attention away from the interaction itself, which is not how socializing works.
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Keep practicing even if you feel you are doing poorly, and try new approaches rather than repeating the same thing to see what works better.
You do not suddenly imitate charismatic people perfectly; improvement comes from continuing despite imperfection and testing different methods.
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Pretend you do not need validation, even if you do, recognizing that social interaction is often performative.
Much of social interaction is an act anyway.
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Apply social advice techniques one by one until they become inherent, rather than trying to follow all guidelines at once.
Behavioral changes work best when done authentically, and not everything suits everyone.
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Practice freestyle rapping or similar associative exercises to train your brain to follow trains of association without filtering.
One person found this practice improved their ability to associate ideas over ten years.
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Focus on one specific improvement, such as eye contact or posture, during each social interaction to accelerate learning.
Focusing on one thing accelerates the learning curve.
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Repeat social outings consistently, as the experience improves over time.
It gets better with repetition.
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Intentionally vary your social techniques rather than repeating the same approach to ensure active improvement.
Repeating the same action without changing technique prevents improvement, similar to shooting hoops without variation.
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Align your social practice with your specific goal, such as approaching people for confidence or gathering experiences to hold conversations.
Different goals require different types of interaction and experience.
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Study emotional intelligence because emotions are a universal language communicated all the time.
If you nail that, social awkwardness will improve.
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Integrate emotion, rationality, intuition, and humor rather than following scripted social skills advice.
Scripted advice can disconnect you from the social rhythm.
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Build social skills hierarchically: master Emotional Intelligence first, then Social Intelligence, and only then specialize in areas like Charisma, Friendship, or Seduction.
You cannot maintain the state required for charisma if you lack access to it through foundational emotional skills.
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Adopt the mindset that you were socially fine to begin with; improving skills is about realizing your inherent adequacy rather than fixing a defect.
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Trust that you already possess unconscious social knowledge from observing interactions, even if you had not realized it.
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Use gift cards or practical items like food, drinks, cream, or soaps for emergency gifts.
Most people prefer gift cards at this point; otherwise, usable items work.
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