Age gaps
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Err on the side of caution and withdraw from a potential romantic advance if the other person looks underage, even if they claim to be of legal age.
They might have lied about their age, which could lead to much worse consequences for both parties.
one person who lived it
Give short, clear rejections like 'No thank you' without offering hope through phrases like 'maybe' or 'next time.'
Offering hope will only lead the person on.
one person who lived it
- Be direct and firm when refusing interest.1
Consider the lifestyle and needs gap that arises from a significant age difference before pursuing an older partner.
A large age gap can lead to different lifestyles, wants, and needs as you both age.
one person who lived it
Seek out communities with people who share your values and interests rather than worrying about connecting with peers who do not.
People with similar traits attract.
one person who lived it
Avoid friends of creepy older men, especially those who joke about the older man's behavior.
Their association and humor signal a major red flag.
one person who lived it
Give no interaction back to unwanted pursuers.
Any response encourages them to continue, similar to a puppy wanting to play.
one person who lived it
Be loud and create a scene when refusing advances if necessary.
Most creeps dislike confrontation and public embarrassment.
one person who lived it
Recognize that older women's affection towards younger men may stem from maternal instinct or seeing them as child figures.
- Not every woman is motherly or nurturing.
one person who lived it
Address disruptive behavior privately by stating that while both parties are adults, the behavior makes you uncomfortable.
One person reported this approach led to an apology.
one person who lived it