Attachment
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
If you have the time, commit to a workout plan lasting 12 to 16 weeks.
You will gain more confidence by the end of that period.
one person who lived it
Read the book 'Love What Is'.
It changed one person's life.
- Based on one person's experience.
one person who lived it
Do not base your sense of well-being or satisfaction on another individual.
6 people, independently
Slow down the rate at which you engage with new interests to allow for deeper appreciation and avoid burnout.
Giving things space prevents you from getting sick, bored, or burnt out.
one person who lived it
If someone has cut off contact first, remove them and their remnants from your life without guilt.
They initiated the cutoff, so keeping connections serves no good purpose.
one person who lived it
Work on self-control and manage behavior rather than trying to change innate attractions.
Thoughts and preferences may not change, but behavior can be taught to be controlled and managed.
one person who lived it
Consume Gabor Maté’s videos, podcasts, and books to gain value in understanding personal issues.
One person found significant value in his work.
one person who lived it
If you plan to take an indefinite break from a friend who shows obsessive behavior, have a conversation with them first about why you are stepping back.
They may already experience attachment issues and should not be left without explanation.
one person who lived it
Limit contact with the person you are obsessed with by messaging only when necessary.
One approach that helped: doing this reduced obsession.
one person who lived it
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Find a solo hobby to look forward to when your partner is away, such as nature photography, cooking, or video games.
Developing interests outside of her prevents you from becoming boring to others or her and avoids future resentment.
one person who lived it
Seek therapy to understand why you react with obsession or jealousy.
4 people, independently
- Consider if the obsession is actually a romantic crush, especially if you are questioning your sexuality.1
Recognize that choosing your partner despite being exposed to temptation demonstrates deeper commitment than never facing such temptation.
It means you are actively choosing your partner over other options rather than just lacking exposure to them.
one person who lived it
Avoid starting a partnership merely due to feelings of isolation or sadness.
3 people, independently
Turn towards and enjoy relationships with friends and family instead of focusing solely on romantic partners.
3 people, independently