Breakups
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Consult a therapist to work through depression, trauma, or repetitive negative thought patterns.
Your mind appears trapped in a cycle of self-pity. Professional help aids in sorting these feelings.
some people found it on their own
Seek professional help through therapy or coaching.
Therapy provides invaluable help, organizes thoughts, and gives clear understanding.
- Talking about these feelings will be painful.
some people found it on their own
Write down the reasons for your breakup and read that list whenever you are tempted to get back together.
People tend to idealize partners over time and forget their defects.
some people found it on their own
Act as your own best friend by giving yourself the same love and encouragement you would offer a close friend in your situation.
some people found it on their own
Accept sadness as a natural human feeling instead of trying to run from it.
some people found it on their own
Avoid entering new partnerships to escape suffering; allow yourself time to recover first.
Starting before you are prepared causes additional hurt for both parties, and pairing up solely to suppress pain is damaging.
some people found it on their own
Rearrange your furniture or make at least one change to your home environment to reset your surroundings.
It helps to reset your surroundings and can work wonders.
some people found it on their own
Reframe cheating as a reflection of the cheater's character flaws and insecurities, not your worth.
some people found it on their own
Give yourself time alone before dating again; avoid rushing into a new relationship.
Rushing back in too soon might be traumatic and could delay healing.
some people found it on their own
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Recognize that an ex moving on quickly often indicates they are using a new partner to block out feelings, distract themselves from sadness, or avoid being alone.
They may be incapable of being alone or choosing a partner with lower standards to distract from self-loathing.
some people found it on their own
End all contact with a cheating ex-partner, particularly if they try to reconnect after you begin recovering.
Reconnecting is unjust to you and their new partner; it may simply suit them because you have recovered.
some people found it on their own
Read 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck' by Mark Manson to learn not to care about things out of your control.
some people found it on their own
Look within to remind yourself of what you truly value, then act on those values.
some people found it on their own
Allow yourself to feel all emotions fully rather than ignoring or numbing them.
Ignoring emotions pushes them deeper and prolongs the healing process.
some people found it on their own
Pick up new hobbies or return to neglected ones to occupy your time.
some people found it on their own
Rediscover healthy hobbies and interests you had prior to the relationship or neglected during it.
Focusing on neglected hobbies has helped.
some people found it on their own
Listen, acknowledge feelings, and rephrase what the person says to show you understand them.
some people found it on their own
Occupy your mind with engaging activities such as hobbies, skills, or exercise.
Filling time with choices distracts from pain.
some people found it on their own
Change your ringtone and text alerts immediately after breaking up with someone to stop being triggered by the sound of their contact.
some people found it on their own
Focus on self-improvement by going to the gym, working on neglected hobbies, and building yourself.
some people found it on their own
Practice going to restaurants or movies alone to build independence.
some people found it on their own
Recognize that you cannot control others' actions or words; instead, direct your energy toward caring for yourself.
some people found it on their own
Give yourself a makeover by changing your hair, getting new clothes, working out, or redecorating your home.
some people found it on their own