Dating

Be wary of partners who refuse to consider how others feel by claiming they have never been in those shoes, as this may be a way to avoid being empathic.

It can be a method for avoiding empathy.

• Based on one person's experience with an ex-partner.

one person who lived it

Let the woman decide if she wants to be with you; do not assume she deserves someone better.

If you like each other, it is her choice to make.

one person who lived it

Focus on friendship first and see where the relationship goes from there.

Friendship first helps you win the game and avoids being a douche.

one person who lived it

Avoid high-maintenance people who demand much and give nothing.

It leads to more pain.

one person who lived it

Do not rule out romance developing from friendship.

You never know how or when you will meet your partner.

one person who lived it

Do not blame your spouse for needs that only friends can fulfill; it is unfair to them.

It is not fair to the spouse.

one person who lived it

Avoid taking yourself to places you would only go with a partner, as this may cause you to focus on being alone rather than enjoying the experience.

Focusing on the fact that you are there alone can detract from the experience.

• Based on one person's experience

one person who lived it

Accept that real love is a random, spontaneous event that cannot be forced.

Intense feelings just fall into place; they cannot be forced.

one person who lived it

End relationships with people who are dishonest or play games with you.

They are unlikely to change and will drag your life down.

one person who lived it

Avoid casual sex if it feels empty; wait for a partner who meets your standards.

Casual sex does not get 'out' of your system but gets 'in'; waiting leads to extreme happiness with the right partner.

one person who lived it

Be yourself rather than putting on a show, as authenticity helps find a good match.

Putting on a show prevents finding a good match.

one person who lived it

Think of potential partners as people, not prizes.

Close-mindedness keeps you closed to a relationship.

one person who lived it

Save movies for established relationships rather than early dates.

Two hours of not communicating does little to help you get to know each other.

one person who lived it

Avoid partners who create chaos, are not straightforward, or try to make others jealous to get closer.

Trying to make someone jealous to get closer is immature.

one person who lived it

Assume casual hookups do not imply exclusivity, as partners may be seeing multiple people simultaneously.

Hooking up does not mean the other person is exclusive; they may be with two or three other people.

one person who lived it

Live as if you will never have another relationship, finding happiness and peace in that reality.

This allows your natural instincts to kick in.

one person who lived it

Do not force yourself into a relationship if you do not want one, as it is unfair to the other person and leaves you feeling stuck.

Forcing anything is not good for anyone.

one person who lived it

Use time away from dating to focus on yourself so you are ready for future alignment.

To ensure you are the person you want to be if something aligns in the future.

one person who lived it

Exit the friend zone if you desire a significant other.

The odds of transitioning from friendship to romance are low, and the person likely won't want competition for your affection.

• You can remain friends, but romantic expectations may not be met.

one person who lived it

Focus on positive self-improvement and become the partner you would want to meet, rather than fretting over the past.

Doing so may help you attract the best partner for yourself.

one person who lived it

Be authentic and true to yourself rather than trying to fit a specific mold to attract partners.

Being your true self is attractive, and somebody will be into who you are.

one person who lived it

Grow together with a partner instead of waiting until you are the best version of yourself, as waiting ignores those who need guidance.

Waiting until you are perfect might mean you never start; growing together helps both partners become better.

one person who lived it

Build a fulfilling life ('beautiful garden') instead of chasing romantic interests ('butterflies'), so they come to you.

Chasing causes them to fly away; building a garden draws them in.

one person who lived it

Distance yourself from a clingy friend to give them space to find other potential partners and mature.

This is described as the only way for them to move on and hopefully mature their ways of showing love.

one person who lived it

Stop putting a crush on a pedestal; either confess your feelings or let them go to stop suffering alone.

Doing neither causes you to suffer alone.

one person who lived it

Avoid making broad assumptions about someone's behavior when they say they are not ready to date, as their reasons may be genuine.

People's lives are not black and white.

one person who lived it

Do not share your romantic plans or intentions with friends before acting on them.

Share stories of success only after you accomplish them.

one person who lived it

Do not settle for partners who are intimidated by your success or stability.

The right partner will support you in becoming even more successful.

one person who lived it

Accept that 'good is good enough' and stop demanding perfection in a partner.

You will never find a perfect person or be fully satisfied; contentment requires accepting what you have.

one person who lived it

Avoid men who claim all their exes were crazy, as they are likely the common denominator in the dysfunction.

They are the common denominator.

• This applies if they say ALL exes were crazy; it does not necessarily apply if only one or two exes were described as crazy.

one person who lived it

Be yourself rather than copying a stereotype when dating.

If you copy a persona, the mask will eventually slip, and the other person fell for the facade, not you.

one person who lived it

Focus on intelligence and maturity over physical beauty when choosing a partner.

You will thank yourself later for this choice.

one person who lived it

Address your own cynicism and bitterness, as these are personal issues that hold you back rather than problems with dating.

No one prefers a bitter partner.

one person who lived it

Find hobbies and become comfortable being single, but take initiative if there is something specific you want.

The desire for a partner may not go away.

one person who lived it

Take first dates less seriously and focus on having fun rather than worrying about marriage.

Worrying about long-term outcomes creates stress that causes you to seize up.

one person who lived it

Focus on connecting with a person's soul rather than their body to avoid objectification.

This shift fosters a more loving mindset and genuine friendship.

one person who lived it

Let the other person come to you and remember that you are here for yourself, not for them.

one person who lived it

Stick to your values and do not let the dating game change you into someone who lies or cheats.

one person who lived it

Do not focus on physical beauty above all else in a partner.

A relationship based solely on being pretty and sexy will not last long.

one person who lived it

Accept that you may grow on people over time rather than expecting immediate first-impression success.

One person noted that while they are not liked upon first meeting, people become fiercely loyal once they know them.

one person who lived it

Do not skip any of the four stages of romantic relationships: Attraction, Building Rapport, Intimacy, and Relationship Balance.

Skipping a stage leads to ending up someplace you don't want to be.

one person who lived it

Become comfortable being alone to avoid needy behavior in relationships.

Neediness can lead to using others to fill gaps in your life; comfort with solitude allows genuine friendship to bloom.

one person who lived it

Match the effort level of the other person in dating; if they do not reciprocate after a few tries, lower your effort to match theirs.

Breaking this rule usually ends in disappointment or heartache.

one person who lived it

Avoid investing all your emotions into the date to protect yourself if it goes wrong.

If it goes wrong, full emotional investment can be destructive.

one person who lived it

If you foresee wasted effort and heartbreak in a relationship, consider ending it to save both parties pain.

It saves both parties from wasted effort and heartbreak by thinking of the future.

one person who lived it

Be upfront about having ASD/Asperger's when dating so that people who do not want you can weed themselves out.

Disclosing early filters out incompatible partners.

one person who lived it

Keep your romantic feelings to yourself if the person is currently in a relationship.

Confessing may confuse them, disrupt their current relationship, or make them feel you got too close.

one person who lived it

Forget about virginity status and focus on having fun and making good memories with your partner.

Virginity is irrelevant; having fun makes the time awesome for both of you.

one person who lived it

Assume that every person has 50% positive and 50% negative traits to avoid idealizing them as a perfect mate.

Perfect mates literally do not exist.

one person who lived it

Memorize specific details about a partner's preferences, such as favorite foods and coping mechanisms, and use them to provide care during times of need.

Providing this care without being asked can create a feeling of wholeness and connection.

one person who lived it

If you only value someone for their expertise, ask them directly for guidance instead of pretending to want a friendship.

This prevents making anyone sad by avoiding false pretenses.

one person who lived it

Do not let desperation drive your thoughts when seeking a relationship.

You will end up having a meaningless relationship.

one person who lived it

Avoid seeking petty revenge against someone who was previously unfriendly.

It is a waste of time and creates enemies.

one person who lived it

Be authentic in your appearance early in dating to ensure long-term compatibility.

Showing your true self early (e.g., wearing sweats) allows a partner to accept it, enabling you to wear such attire comfortably later without issue.

one person who lived it

Focus on your own comfort over preserving a friendship with a coworker if you are not truly friends.

You do not need to worry about maintaining a relationship that does not genuinely exist.

one person who lived it

Ask potential partners about the women in their lives and listen carefully to how they talk about them.

Toxic people often lie on dates, so focus on why relationships are good or bad rather than just the status of the relationship.

one person who lived it

Accept that you will not be charismatic every day and allow your partner to see your mundane or lazy side.

Long-term relationships rely on day-to-day mundane reality rather than a temporary spark.

one person who lived it

Adopt the mindset that a woman can be either your mother figure or your lover, but not both.

one person who lived it

Pursue relationships that feel 'boring' or stable, as this stability may appear dull if you are accustomed to dysfunction.

Stability often looks like boredom at first, but it means feeling at ease without drama or red flags.

one person who lived it

Instead of pursuing people, cultivate a vibe or headspace that attracts cool people.

one person who lived it

Focus on having fun and spending quality time with people rather than setting dating goals.

3 people, independently

Treat potential partners like friends to build a foundation for a lasting relationship.

A friendship foundation helps keep the relationship going past the honeymoon phase.

one person who lived it

Focus on emotional safety and peace over perfection in long-term attraction.

Attraction often depends on whether being around someone calms or stresses your nervous system, and peace becomes more attractive than perfection with age.

one person who lived it

Be cautious about entering into relationships with coworkers to avoid mixing personal and professional life.

Dating a coworker can lead to messy situations, avoidance, and awkwardness if things go awry.

3 people, independently

Frame your small social circle as a preference for quality over quantity.

It signals that chosen relationships are valuable and that you will be loyal.

one person who lived it

Be honest about your lack of romantic experience, framing it as a desire to grow and understand yourself better.

Honesty is attractive.

one person who lived it

Friend zone handsome men and delete problematic ones to see what remains, avoiding investment in strangers whose character you do not know.

Investing in a stranger without knowing their character leads to issues.

one person who lived it

Dive headfirst into a passion to occupy your wandering mind and reduce obsessive thoughts about dating.

It takes over your wandering mind if you are truly passionate.

one person who lived it

Do not pursue someone who is currently in a relationship.

It is disrespectful to the existing relationship.

2 people, independently

Chill and enjoy the ride instead of overthinking dating interactions.

Many people are jaded from past dating failures.

one person who lived it

Use periods of financial struggle to quickly identify partners unwilling to share in life's difficulties.

It makes it easier to weed out unsuitable people.

one person who lived it

Make your intention for a relationship blatantly obvious early on to filter out those who are wasting your time.

Early clarity prevents investing time in people who are not interested in a relationship.

one person who lived it

Resist the pressure to manage the feelings of those you reject; focus on your own well-being over accommodating others' disappointment.

Managing others' feelings can enable people-pleasing tendencies and detract from self-care.

one person who lived it

Find a partner who matches your level of affection and energy rather than suppressing your natural tendencies.

The right person will appreciate your natural traits.

one person who lived it

Focus on building genuine friendships first, as research indicates that approximately two-thirds of romantic relationships begin as platonic connections.

Increased interaction leads to greater liking.

one person who lived it

Meet new potential romantic partners to shift your perception of a former crush.

Having someone actually available changes how you view the unavailable person you were focusing on.

one person who lived it

Approach the topic of exclusivity calmly and smoothly so your partner appreciates it.

Your partner will appreciate the calm approach.

one person who lived it

Ensure you are happy and content with yourself first, trusting that a partner will come naturally if it is meant to happen.

one person who lived it

Require potential partners to be financially and logistically self-enough to avoid becoming a guardian.

There is no romance in managing basic necessities like water bills.

one person who lived it

Express sexual anxieties early to filter out partners who only care about their own pleasure.

Partners who leave upon hearing your anxieties are likely those who only focus on pleasuring themselves, allowing you to avoid them.

one person who lived it

Enter new relationships with no high expectations.

This prevents you from ending up devastated.

one person who lived it

Recognize crush feelings as evolutionary biological signals indicating a potential mate, rather than absolute truths about compatibility.

These evolutionarily driven feelings do not serve intelligent humans as well as rational thought.

one person who lived it

If you want acceptance rather than a partner, focus on personal development.

Acceptance comes from personal development.

one person who lived it

Move ambiguously toward greater affection through acts of vulnerability instead of demanding an immediate yes-or-no answer.

Connection takes time, whereas attraction is quick.

one person who lived it

Define what you personally find attractive rather than relying solely on others' opinions.

Pleasing yourself first ensures at least one person is pleased and helps align goals with personal standards.

one person who lived it

Avoid making romantic moves on coworkers because they are trapped at work due to the necessity of income.

The necessity of income traps people at work, making such advances inappropriate.

one person who lived it

Seek partners who closely match your ideal vision rather than pursuing those with opposing traits.

Opposites may be exciting but rarely sustain long-term relationships.

one person who lived it

Do not engage in emotional manipulation or mind games in dating.

Such behavior is toxic and can cost valuable relationships and friendships.

one person who lived it

Avoid partners who judge your financial efforts while remaining unemployed themselves.

They are likely unkind and will become financially draining if they find someone who meets their criteria.

one person who lived it

Be more selective in dating and accept that finding a compatible partner will take longer.

Being selective helps improve feelings about dating outcomes, despite the increased time required.

one person who lived it

Delete Tinder if you seek thoughtful conversations.

Tinder is akin to fast food for social interaction, lacking nutrition and thoughtfulness.

one person who lived it

Respect coworkers who view the gym as a solitary meditation space or have specific routines they do not want disrupted by others.

They may prefer to work out alone to maintain their routine or use the time for meditation.

one person who lived it

Get to know potential partners simply for the sake of getting to know them, allowing any deeper connection to develop organically.

This approach leads to something more naturally rather than forcing it.

one person who lived it

Stop treating the 'friend zone' as real, recognizing it is an artificial construct.

2 people, independently

Approach relationships with gratitude by recognizing that people do not belong to you and are always free to leave.

one person who lived it

Avoid entering relationships with people who are actively looking for any relationship.

People who want only a relationship will enter into one with anyone.

one person who lived it

Avoid labeling all potential partners as superficial, so you can identify the specific people willing to spend time developing rapport.

Labeling everyone the same prevents you from seeing the only person willing to invest time in building a connection.

one person who lived it

If seeking a platonic friendship with someone who has a partner, omit mentions of their physical attractiveness or relationship status.

Mentioning those things implies ulterior motives when they are not relevant.

one person who lived it

Let go of societal expectations regarding marriage and children.

2 people, independently

Assume a potential partner is single until they state otherwise to avoid unnecessary stress.

Trying to verify status causes stress.

one person who lived it

It is valid to focus on working on yourself before entering the dating scene.

6 people, independently

Ensure the decision to never date stems from clarity rather than frustration or burnout.

one person who lived it

Do not dismiss potential partners based on immediate lack of physical attraction, as attraction can grow through emotional connection.

Physical attraction can grow when an emotional connection is established.

one person who lived it

Allow relationships to develop naturally from friendship rather than forcing them with immediate dating intentions.

Forcing relationships leads to negative outcomes; letting them unfold avoids this.

one person who lived it

Accept that dating involves risk and there are no guarantees; you must be willing to jeopardize a platonic friendship to potentially gain a romantic relationship.

Nothing is ventured without the possibility of gaining something.

one person who lived it

If remaining friends with someone you like romantically, establish strict platonic boundaries that prohibit flirting and sex.

Failing to adhere to these limits results in significant emotional distress.

one person who lived it

Keep early dating details private until the relationship becomes serious.

Telling family adds unnecessary pressure.

one person who lived it

Let relationships develop naturally without forcing them or aggressively announcing your single status.

Aggressively stating you are single is a turn-off.

one person who lived it

Frame your lack of relationship experience as being selective, waiting for the right circumstances, or simply never finding the right one, rather than avoiding relationships.

This indicates you are not necessarily avoiding a relationship.

one person who lived it

Eliminate desperate energy from your demeanor.

Potential partners can sense this energy.

one person who lived it

View rejection based on superficial traits as a benefit that filters out incompatible partners early.

It removes materialistic people from your life before the relationship progresses.

one person who lived it

Accept that maintaining an authentic trait you like may result in dating difficulties or being perceived as intimidating by others.

one person who lived it

Accept that you cannot safeguard everyone from disappointment and recognize that your needs in a relationship are just as important as others'.

one person who lived it

Treat romantic pursuits as real human connections rather than video game objectives to be conquered.

one person who lived it

Practice vulnerability to build trust, a critical component of relationships.

one person who lived it

Reframe dating as a matter of compatibility rather than 'leagues' or overall human value.

one person who lived it

Adopt an abundance mindset where every date is viewed as a win for honing social skills and identifying desired characteristics.

one person who lived it

Structure movie dates as dinner, then the movie, then drinks afterward to ensure you have time for conversation.

Going straight to a movie prevents talking for the first two hours of the date.

one person who lived it

• Try switching the order of a date to watch a movie first and then eat dinner.1

Avoid asking heavy interview-style questions like 'where do you see yourself in 10 years' on a first date.

Such questions are too big and not light enough for an icebreaker.

one person who lived it

Adopt a rule that whoever invites pays for the date.

It works well if you have opposite paydays.

2 people, independently

• Pay for the activity if you invited them, but offer to let them pay next time when they choose the activity.1

Ask friends in your target demographic to review your photos and select the ones that work best as 'date bait'.

This approach improved swipe-to-match ratios and reduced dead-end chats.

one person who lived it

Accept that not clicking with someone is normal and not shameful.

A date is not a marriage proposal.

one person who lived it

Invite someone for coffee or drinks instead of dinner for a first date.

Drinks do not have a fixed time frame, allowing the date to end early if there is no vibe or extend into dinner if there is.

2 people, independently

Go to a museum for a first date.

It is quiet enough but has other people present, making it less dangerous for the woman.

one person who lived it

Use the phrase 'as a date' rather than 'as a couple' when proposing an outing.

It sounds better.

one person who lived it

• Add planning and effort to low-cost dates rather than just suggesting a walk.1
• Use the word 'date' if you intend a romantic meeting; otherwise, frame it as a casual hangout.1
• Explicitly label the invitation as a 'date' rather than a 'hangout' to be clear about your intentions.4

Text the person before a date at your home to clarify that you do not intend for sex to occur.

A date at home implies sex, so this prevents giving the wrong idea.

one person who lived it

Assume an outing is not a date unless it is explicitly stated as one.

This is a rule of thumb for the person being asked.

one person who lived it

Tell a casual sex partner before they arrive if they cannot stay the night.

It is easier and less awkward than telling them after.

one person who lived it

Consider that deleting dating apps may not be justified if you have not had a date in years, as you never know.

One person has not deleted them despite five years without a date because they cannot justify it due to uncertainty.

• Dating apps suck; one person has not had a date in 5 years.

one person who lived it

Give potential partners at least three dates before deciding if they are 'the one'.

Chemistry and connection often build over time, even if the first date isn't great.

one person who lived it

Limit first dates to one or two hours so either person can leave gracefully if they are not interested.

It provides enough time to gauge interest without making it difficult to extricate oneself if the connection isn't there.

• Some people report their best dates lasted half a day.

one person who lived it

• Schedule blind dates earlier in the evening so you have the option to extend to dinner if it goes well or leave early citing prior plans if it does not.1

Tell your date honestly that you are nervous or socially awkward.

People are often understanding, may be nervous too, and appreciate the honesty.

3 people, independently

• Own awkward moments on a date and play them off.1

Avoid inviting someone to your home on a first date due to safety concerns.

They may fear for their safety.

one person who lived it

View asking someone out as a non-permanent step to determine compatibility, often requiring no more than three dates.

Knowing what you want takes time, and most dating does not last long.

one person who lived it

Go on more dates to make the process easier and treat each one as a learning experience.

It serves as a learning experience that helps you get better at dating.

one person who lived it

Invite someone to join a routine activity you already do, such as getting coffee at a specific cafe.

It doesn't come off as a date.

one person who lived it

Ask for coffee or a party with other people instead of dinner or movies, as public and simple settings are the most chill for a first date.

These settings are more chill than formal dates.

2 people, independently

Schedule first dates on weekdays, such as Thursdays, rather than weekends.

People are less likely to risk a bad date when they have already planned good times with friends for the weekend.

one person who lived it

Avoid movies for first dates to allow for conversation and connection.

Movies limit talking and prevent you from getting to know each other or making the other person feel comfortable.

3 people, independently

Adopt a subtle, chill, and confident approach to dating.

One person reported this was the approach they liked best.

• Based on one person's preference.

one person who lived it

Use the word 'date' explicitly rather than vague terms like 'hang out' to make your intentions clear.

Vague terms can cause miscommunication.

2 people, independently

Try go-karts for a cheap, exciting date that leaves both parties hyped.

Everyone loves them and you are both super hyped afterwards.

one person who lived it

Be explicit about your intentions when inviting someone of the opposite sex to hang out one-on-one to avoid assumptions that it is a date.

Strangers often assume a one-on-one invitation is a date unless specified as friendly; failing to clarify can hurt the other person's feelings.

3 people, independently

• Explicitly state that you are on a date to avoid confusion about your romantic intentions.1
• Be prepared for people to assume you are dating if you ask someone of the opposite sex to hang out one-on-one.1
• Be explicit that an invitation is a date to avoid ambiguity.1

If you are new to dating, avoid pursuing people within your immediate social circle.

It comes with many pitfalls.

one person who lived it

Avoid using group photos as your first dating profile picture.

Viewers may not know who they are looking at and might swipe left immediately.

one person who lived it

Go bowling for a first date instead of bars.

Few people are good at it, allowing you to show your goofy side when you screw up without the influence of drinks.

one person who lived it

Combine a coffee date with a walk around a landmark to create a low-cost, flexible date experience.

A walk after coffee is less stressful than sitting at a table through a full dinner.

one person who lived it

Set a definite date and time for a meetup instead of leaving it open-ended.

Leaving it open-ended signals you aren't ready to make the next move, which can cause the other person to stop texting.

one person who lived it

Resist digging into a date's private information before meeting them.

Doing so can creep people out and lead to being blocked rather than getting a date.

one person who lived it

Exchange phone numbers with male friends as a normal platonic action.

It is just a phone number, not a date; bros get each other's numbers.

one person who lived it

Casually invite someone to eat at a specific place with good food without mentioning it is a date.

You do not need to be formal; this allows you to gauge their reaction.

2 people, independently

Invite someone for evening drinks or a close-proximity activity instead of lunch.

Lunch can feel too friendly and lack the right mood or setting.

one person who lived it

Do not post private dating interactions on public forums for advice.

It is creepy if the other person sees it.

one person who lived it

Set spending boundaries early in dating to weed out incompatible partners.

It helps you avoid people you want to avoid.

one person who lived it

Do things you enjoy and share those activities with your date.

• Based on one person's experience.

one person who lived it

Message matches on dating apps promptly to see where it goes.

The worst outcome is minimal.

one person who lived it

If you lack romantic chemistry, be honest with your date that you see them only as a friend rather than ghosting them.

One person reported that their date commended this honesty and agreed.

one person who lived it

Go on dates during the day.

Cocktails, apps, dinner, and movies are overpriced in the evening hours.

one person who lived it

Distance yourself from friends who aggressively pressure you to date specific people.

They may be trying to offload a problematic friend on you.

one person who lived it

Raise your standards for how you allow a date to treat you from the beginning.

one person who lived it

Share your date's name, contact information, and photo with a trusted person before meeting them from a dating app.

It provides safety information in case something happens and made one user feel better.

• Some view this as unnecessary fear-mongering.

one person who lived it

Unmatch and avoid dating app users who immediately send or request nude photos, as this is likely a blackmail scam.

It is a classic blunder that leads to scams and blackmail attempts.

one person who lived it

End the date by explicitly stating you enjoyed it and proposing a next step, such as calling or exchanging numbers.

It makes it clear you want to see them again rather than leaving from obligation.

one person who lived it

Do not force yourself to date someone you do not enjoy talking to or who does not reciprocate conversational effort.

You should find someone you really vibe with rather than playing games or chasing someone who doesn't engage.

one person who lived it

Avoid giving out your phone number too quickly to online matches.

Sharing contact info prematurely can lead to immediate unwanted calls from strangers or scammers.

one person who lived it

Do not rush into a kiss to avoid physical mishaps that can ruin the date.

Rushing can lead to hitting teeth and ending the interaction prematurely.

one person who lived it

Use expiring gift cards as an innocent excuse to invite someone out for a movie.

It provides a low-pressure reason to ask them out.

one person who lived it

Frame the goal of dating as 'meeting' a girlfriend rather than 'getting' one.

one person who lived it

Make the first move on dates and interactions, since many people wait for others to initiate.

5 people, independently

Be flirty before suggesting a date if you did not match via an app to clarify intentions, or make the suggestion obvious by proposing alcohol or dinner.

To make intentions clearer when not matching through an app.

one person who lived it

• If you are already friends, explicitly label the interaction as a 'date' so your intentions are clear.1

Go for a walk with your date while asking questions and listening to their answers.

This creates a romantic atmosphere.

one person who lived it

Use dating apps designed for specific religious or serious intentions if marriage is your goal.

People on these apps intend marriage, making it easier.

one person who lived it

Invite women you like for casual coffee or lunch dates.

The low stakes make it easy to cut things short if things go south, reducing the significance of rejection.

one person who lived it

Do not disclose your exact income on dating profiles.

It is none of their business.

one person who lived it

Meet people in person rather than through apps to feel special and avoid competing with others on their phones.

Meeting without apps makes you feel special and removes the worry of competing with other profiles on a date's phone.

one person who lived it

Use cold approaches and social circles as replacements for dating apps to keep your dating pipeline active.

This prevents your dating life from suddenly coming to a halt.

one person who lived it

Ask questions about your date's answers and share your own thoughts to keep the conversation flowing.

People love to talk about themselves.

one person who lived it

• Start conversations on dating apps by asking questions, as most people enjoy talking about themselves.1

Avoid calling pre-dinner sex 'important' or 'relationship-strengthening'.

Doing so will likely make your partner laugh at you instead of joining in.

one person who lived it

Clarify early that you are only looking for fun if you are not serious about a relationship.

You should not waste other people's time.

one person who lived it

Be ready to drop your planned itinerary if the date suggests doing something else.

Flexibility can win someone over; one person was won over when their partner agreed to see the river instead of moving to the next venue.

one person who lived it

Use your dog as a conversation starter on dates.

It serves as a natural talking point.

one person who lived it

End the date if the other person talks only about themselves without asking about you.

Such behavior indicates the person is not a keeper.

one person who lived it

Transition from a functional meeting to a social date by suggesting food or drinks afterward.

This allows for more flirty or intimate conversation once the basics are taught.

one person who lived it

Explicitly use the word 'date' when asking someone out whom you already know.

Otherwise, he will probably just assume it is platonic.

one person who lived it

Do not flirt with someone your close friend or family member is dating.

It violates implicit social codes regarding loyalty.

one person who lived it

Plan simple, low-pressure dates to avoid sending wrong messages about financial status or neediness.

Spending too much or being too nice can send the wrong message.

one person who lived it

Meet for coffee to create a relaxed, one-on-one setting that encourages openness.

Talking about common things in a private setting makes you feel relaxed and more open to a future relationship.

one person who lived it

Mention that you are in a relationship.

It signals that the outing is platonic and has been well received for transparency.

2 people, independently

Choose lightly active or interactive date activities like mini-golf, bowling, farmers markets, or street fairs.

These activities allow for close proximity without being taken too seriously, encourage conversation, and help break up awkward silences.

3 people, independently

• Choose active date activities such as dancing, playing pool or darts, or attending trivia nights to keep energy high and avoid boredom.1
• Choose interactive activities like trivia, minigolf, or bowling for first dates to reduce pressure and provide natural conversation topics.2

Accept mundane, low-cost activities like watching Netflix, playing board games, or looking at memes as valid and enjoyable dates.

Dating while poor helps you get to know someone, and sharing mundane life moments is what long-term relationships eventually become.

one person who lived it

Discuss topics important to you on a first date to gauge mutual interest and compatibility.

If the other person is uninterested in what matters to you, it indicates the relationship likely won't work. Also note if they only talk about themselves, which is a bad sign.

one person who lived it

Start with free activities and only proceed to paid meals if you vibe well, to filter out those expecting immediate generosity.

If they are upset you aren't wining and dining them immediately, it indicates it wasn't a match.

one person who lived it

Initiate contact by passing notes with simple greetings or games like tic-tac toe.

One person reported getting coffee dates using this method.

one person who lived it

Only date coworkers if you know them well and see potential for a future; avoid casual dates with acquaintances based on limited interaction.

Casual flings with people you barely know should be avoided.

one person who lived it

If your partner's space or pet bothers you, consider inviting them to your place instead for casual dating.

It indicates incompatibility if their space bothers you, but this workaround allows casual dating.

• Likely indicates you are not compatible.

one person who lived it

If you struggle with desperation or feeling hurt, try dating multiple people simultaneously until exclusivity is discussed.

One person reported this made them less desperate, more relaxed, and able to act naturally because they weren't overly focused on one person.

• Some find dating multiple people exhausting or lacking time/energy.
• Others argue that giving full undivided attention to one person at a time is better than minimal effort into multiple.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself that the other person has already shown interest by agreeing to the date, then stay calm and be yourself.

The fact that the date is set indicates established interest.

one person who lived it

Clarify that an invitation is strictly platonic by using terms like 'wingman' or explicitly stating it is 'as friends'.

To prevent awkwardness later on.

3 people, independently

Suggest meeting up at an event rather than discussing hotel arrangements immediately.

Bringing up hotel rooms first can sound like an invitation to your room, which may seem inappropriate if you are not close enough for that level of platonic intimacy.

one person who lived it

If you prefer intimate celebrations over large parties, consider inviting only one close friend to hang out on your birthday.

It may be that the person is not a big party person or is an introvert who wants a quieter celebration.

one person who lived it

Make specific, concrete plans for dates on a specific day rather than issuing vague invitations.

5 people, independently

• Propose specific plans with definite details on location, activity, and time.1

Choose an activity-based date, like a walk, instead of sitting opposite each other for dinner or drinks.

It reduces awkwardness and provides natural conversation topics from the surroundings.

one person who lived it

Be honest about your relationship intentions early in online dating conversations to filter for compatible matches.

Being honest ensures you attract someone who likes you for you, regardless of whether you want a relationship or not.

one person who lived it

Choose creative date activities that reflect your personality to stand out from generic options.

People are less likely to choose a partner who offers identical, average experiences like movies and dinner.

one person who lived it

Avoid extravagant first or second dates to prevent setting unrealistically high expectations for future interactions.

Extravagant dates can sweep someone off their feet but may show you think their time is valuable only when paid for heavily, or simply set expectations too high.

one person who lived it

Start with an activity to gauge chemistry, then move to dinner afterward if the connection is good.

This allows for more in-depth conversation after you have already established rapport.

one person who lived it

Invite someone on a specific, low-pressure date rather than confessing deep love or commitment immediately.

Confessing love coldly can be confronting, whereas a simple date invitation is less demanding and more likely to be accepted even if the person is not ready for a relationship.

one person who lived it

Suggest bringing a couple of friends to the initial outing if you are worried it will be awkward just the two of you.

one person who lived it

Correct spelling errors in invitations, such as writing 'dinner' correctly.

Misspelling 'dinner' may result in ending up alone in a diner.

one person who lived it

Work on how to communicate first, as dating comes along naturally afterward.

Dating came along naturally once communication skills were worked on.

one person who lived it

Frame invitations to casual partners as low-pressure 'hang outs' rather than dates to reinforce non-romantic intentions.

This reinforces the 'not interested in a relationship' thing.

one person who lived it

Select activities like museums or amusement parks for introverted dates to provide built-in conversation starters.

These environments provide topics around you, helping to avoid awkward silence.

one person who lived it

Choose venues that encourage extensive conversation to allow your date to reveal themselves naturally.

People cannot help telling on themselves during lots of conversation.

one person who lived it

Frame lunch invitations as professional suggestions, letting the conversation topic determine if it becomes a date.

Lunch is a perfectly professional activity in a work setting; the discussion defines the nature of the meeting.

one person who lived it

Ensure your date likes dogs before suggesting an animal shelter date.

The experience might become melancholic sooner or later.

one person who lived it

If a date looks different from their photos, politely end the interaction by stating you feel deceived rather than critiquing their weight.

Starting a relationship with manipulation or deception is an immediate red flag.

one person who lived it

Discuss and agree on the date location beforehand to establish good communication early.

It helps start good communication early by ensuring mutual agreement on where to go.

one person who lived it

Use shared interests like movies or restaurants as natural conversation starters for dates.

Discussing these topics can lead to other related conversations.

2 people, independently

Be cautious of parents setting up dates, as one person reported their mother conspiring with the other family to create false interest by misrepresenting who liked whom.

• Based on one person's experience where the parent conspired with the other family.

one person who lived it

Read 'Models' by Mark Manson for advice on finding a romantic partner.

One source describes it as the single best book they have read on the topic.

one person who lived it

• Read Mark Manson's book 'Models'.3

Read 'Models' by Mark Manson for insights on flirting and social skills.

The book contains a valuable chapter on these topics.

one person who lived it

Do not worry about 'flirting' or using pick-up lines; just be genuine, interested, and have a good time.

Having a good time is the most important thing.

one person who lived it

Avoid pickup artist tactics; focus on being a desirable person through honesty.

Pickup artist tactics make you view people as targets rather than enjoying life with them.

one person who lived it

Treat dating as a numbers game where you practice and improve based on experience, especially if you have limited prior dating history.

Early experiences may not represent all potential partners.

• Do not project opinions from very few dates onto all women.

one person who lived it

Read books or take classes on interpersonal skills.

There are great books and classes that provide benefit.

one person who lived it

Invest in yourself beyond beauty to attract lasting relationships.

Beauty gets results in the short term but won't make anyone of value stick around.

one person who lived it

Watch the 'hot ape' TED Talk on YouTube to learn how to flirt.

A woman explains the concept in the talk.

one person who lived it

Focus on personal growth and chasing goals to naturally narrow down suitable dating options.

Learning who you are opens new doors and consequently narrows your field.

one person who lived it

Work on your goals and dream projects to reduce the urge to chase romantic partners.

One person reported that focusing on goals reduced the intensity of their longing.

2 people, independently

Focus on yourself and productive activities rather than trying to impress girls.

3 people, independently

• Focus on developing social skills and improving yourself without necessarily focusing on girls.1

Focus on things you can control, such as yourself, rather than things you cannot, to attract better partners.

In one person's experience, focusing more on yourself leads to attracting more.

one person who lived it

Stop trying to be hilarious or charming to compensate for your looks; simply act like yourself to make friends.

One person reported making friends after stopping the effort to be charming and just acting like themselves.

one person who lived it

Read books on making friends, building confidence, and keeping a guy interested.

Reading these types of books was described as a major life changer.

one person who lived it

Focus on making friends before seeking a romantic partner to build confidence and social networks.

Talking and laughing with people builds a network that leads into more networks.

one person who lived it

Be outgoing, respectful, and put in effort in real-life interactions to attract people without relying solely on dating apps.

This approach may bring better luck than using dating apps.

one person who lived it

Focus on improving social skills and handling rejection gracefully, recognizing that simply asking is a significant achievement compared to most people.

Putting yourself out there unashamedly is far ahead of the majority who are too self-conscious.

one person who lived it

Stay in the moment during interactions to recognize mistakes and learn from them.

It helps you get better at socializing.

one person who lived it

Read 'The Little Prince' for lessons on how to cultivate relationships.

It contains the best lessons on this topic.

one person who lived it

Practice interacting with women in real-world situations, fail, learn from mistakes, and practice more.

YouTube tutorials and books will not help without real-world action and sparring simulations.

one person who lived it

Improve your character, personality, and social intelligence while ensuring you stay true to yourself.

Staying yourself is the most important part of that improvement.

one person who lived it

Make your life interesting and fun to reduce desperation in dating.

Being too serious scares potential partners away; enjoying your life makes you less serious.

one person who lived it

Develop tangible skills, hobbies, and studies to improve yourself as a person.

This shifts focus away from seeking validation through others' liking toward genuine personal improvement.

2 people, independently

Read Dale Carnegie's 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' to reduce guesswork in social interactions.

It removes uncertainty from talking to people and offers common-sense guidance.

one person who lived it

Discuss topics you are passionate about, even if it feels like rambling, to demonstrate authenticity.

It can make you appear more endearing.

one person who lived it

Ask about intellectual pursuits like courses or projects, rather than just appearance.

Attractive people are often reminded they are hot but rarely asked about their work or studies.

one person who lived it

Study non-verbal language, communication techniques, and active listening skills.

These skills help you relate to people better.

one person who lived it

Watch for red flags in attractive people; clout amplifies personality rather than changing it.

Attractiveness does not make someone an angel.

one person who lived it

Cultivate confidence rather than trying to be an 'alpha male' to become more attractive.

Learning to be confident makes you more attractive, whereas becoming 'alpha' does not.

one person who lived it

Use photos that invite inquiry by showing hobbies or unique locations.

This engages suitors and invites them to ask about the backstory.

one person who lived it

• Include multiple high-quality photos showing different contexts (selfies, activities, groups) to provide a complete picture.1

Show some personality rather than remaining reserved, while keeping some mystery.

Being reserved can appear as a lack of confidence and is unattractive; showing personality demonstrates authenticity.

• Keep some things to yourself to preserve mystery.

one person who lived it

Develop your social skills to boost your attractiveness.

It may boost attractiveness more than improving physically.

one person who lived it

Develop a sense of humor, listen actively, and carry conversations to build connections.

One person reported these skills go a long way, even if they do not consider themselves handsome.

one person who lived it

Proceed at a comfortable pace and avoid forcing physical touch until it feels natural.

Comfort with touch develops naturally over time.

one person who lived it

Watch romantic comedies to learn how to banter.

Without banter, relationships may remain shallow.

one person who lived it

Read 'The Charisma Myth' by Olivia Fox Cabane and research body language to improve social comfort.

One person reported this helped immensely.

one person who lived it

Date only those you are physically attracted to, but vet their character through conversation before having sex.

Dating without physical attraction wastes time and causes hurt; talking helps ensure they have good intentions and values.

one person who lived it

Read 'The Five Love Languages' to understand how different expressions of affection can build intimacy.

3 people, independently

Frame the invitation around enjoying the conversation rather than citing physical appearance.

Telling someone they are 'pretty' as the reason for asking them out can be an issue; focusing on enjoyment is suggested as an alternative.

one person who lived it

Read research-based books regarding relationships instead of just following Reddit advice or relatives' suggestions.

Research-based books offer more depth and have been tested before.

one person who lived it

Avoid pickup artist techniques and manipulation tactics found online.

These ideas are immature, childish, and won't get you anywhere.

one person who lived it

Focus on enjoying yourself and building confidence before seeking female attention.

Confidence is key, and demonstrating that you do not need them can positively influence their perception.

one person who lived it

Focus on developing personality, charm, and confidence over physical appearance, as these traits often matter more to romantic partners.

Looks do not provide everything; for many, physical attractiveness is low on the list of attractive qualities.

2 people, independently

Discuss personal interests like music, movies, and future goals instead of school topics to find common ground.

Simple conversations about these topics sometimes turn into the best ones.

one person who lived it

Focus on authentic self-improvement rather than using 'cheats' to attract partners.

Making yourself better gives you confidence that sticks, whereas confidence gained from external validation disappears if the other person stops talking to you.

one person who lived it

Pursue other potential partners instead of fixating on one uninterested coworker to build confidence and attractiveness.

The confidence gained from dating others is more attractive than desperate attempts focused on one person.

one person who lived it

Focus on self-care and personal passions to allow relationships to develop organically.

Prioritizing yourself helps you find someone naturally.

one person who lived it

Ask the person directly about their behavior instead of seeking validation online, as internet advice cannot accurately read subjective situations.

Online observers lack the context to interpret your specific situation accurately.

one person who lived it

Focus on the emotional aspect of flirting rather than overthinking logical techniques.

Flirting is emotional, not logical.

one person who lived it

Recognize that online text loses non-verbal elements like tone and body language, making it poor for romantic communication.

Human communication relies heavily on these non-verbal elements.

one person who lived it

Ignore rigid dating rules and overanalysis; instead, communicate openly and honestly to generate attraction through interaction.

Rules impede honest communication and you cannot generate attraction without interaction.

one person who lived it

Lift weights regularly to build self-confidence, which can improve social success and attractiveness, rather than lifting solely for appearance.

The mindset of becoming a better version of oneself can positively affect various aspects of life, including social confidence.

one person who lived it

Focus on the immediate activity you are sharing, such as having coffee, rather than future romantic possibilities.

Sexual appeal can be distracting; focusing on the present moment warrants attention without overthinking desires.

one person who lived it

Apply techniques from charisma books to your daily interactions instead of trying to meet a quota for talking to people.

one person who lived it

Recognize that teenage social interactions and flirting are often driven by a desire for validation and ego inflation rather than serious intent.

Teenagers generally lack maturity in handling potential romantic interactions.

one person who lived it

Accept that escalating a relationship purely through eye contact is unlikely to succeed.

Eye contact alone rarely provides enough foundation for a romantic connection.

one person who lived it

Offer your own contact information instead of asking for the other person's number to reduce pressure and awkwardness.

It shows interest respectfully and takes pressure off; knowing they have your info implies some level of interest if they call.

• Some people feel this kills assertiveness or confidence.
• Do not hand out info to strangers without establishing a social connection first.

5 people, independently

• Offer your phone number to a potential romantic interest instead of asking for theirs.9

Start a conversation with a casual check-in before asking to hang out one-on-one.

Some people find it weird when strangers text just to talk without context.

• Some people hate when people text them just to talk.

one person who lived it

• Take up some small talk before asking to hang out so you do not appear strange.1

Always obtain explicit permission from a person before giving their phone number to someone else, including family members.

It is a considerate move that respects privacy; sharing without consent can lead to unwanted harassment.

4 people, independently

Talk to intriguing people without expecting anything in return; concentrate solely on enjoying the chat.

It removes the issue of anxiety or fear of rejection.

3 people, independently

Start conversations with normal, low-pressure topics rather than trying to use a perfect line.

You do not lack spots, just reps.

one person who lived it

Meet your partner's family and friends and show you care about them.

It shows you care about her.

one person who lived it

Ask 'Why do you want my number?' to force a discussion about intent when declining to give your number.

It throws people off and allows you to deviate the conversation.

• Some people consider this rude.

one person who lived it

If you are new to a romantic interest, avoid telling them you are in love with them early on.

It is often perceived as a red flag and can lead to being ghosted.

one person who lived it

Talk to people like normal people and ask genuine questions instead of hitting on them or being overly flirty.

It helps keep the numbers in your favor.

one person who lived it

Talk to the person you are interested in before the chance passes.

You may end up kicking yourself years down the line if you do not act; the worst outcome is rejection.

one person who lived it

Avoid sending generic greetings like 'Hey', 'Hi', or 'Hey sexy' as first messages.

They are boring, short, do not stand out, and cause people to unmatch.

one person who lived it

Start with small talk before asking for a number or date, rather than jumping straight into a confession of interest, which can seem weird, scary, or creepy.

Approaching someone out of nowhere without prior conversation can be awkward or frightening.

4 people, independently

• Set a good conversation and connection before asking for a number so the request does not seem creepy or random.2
• Set a quick friendship or build rapport before asking someone out.2
• Avoid using corny pick-up lines and asking someone out over text.1
• Set a basic acquaintance or casual interaction before expressing romantic feelings if you have not spoken before.1
• Break the ice with simple questions about interests, hobbies, or music before asking tougher questions once they are more comfortable.4
• Break the ice with casual conversation about work, weather, or jokes before asking for contact information.1
• Propose doing a shared hobby-based activity instead of explicitly asking for a number to avoid seeming romantically aggressive.1

If a girl lends you her sweater or offers small favors, ask her out to clarify if she is interested, while acknowledging the gestures were friendly if they were not romantic.

She is most likely into you, but it would be embarrassing if she was just being nice.

• It might just be friendliness.

one person who lived it

Do not help a friend pursue a woman who is clearly interested in you; suggest he find someone else instead.

It is weird to text her about your friend when she has already shown interest in you.

one person who lived it

Get her number and ask her out to see what happens rather than obsessing.

Being obsessed gives off a clingy vibe that makes girls run away.

one person who lived it

Eliminate shame when asking women out in person or creating an online dating profile.

You miss every opportunity you do not attempt.

one person who lived it

Start with normal conversation or small talk and let flirting evolve naturally if there is chemistry, rather than forcing it.

Flirting works better when it comes naturally rather than being forced.

4 people, independently

Ask about the other person's needs rather than stating your own desires.

It allows them to give a genuine response and may make them more receptive to you.

one person who lived it

Ask a coworker out for coffee or a drink after work to test mutual interest.

If she is giving hints, this approach will likely succeed without questions or comments.

2 people, independently

• Keep your approach simple and clear by directly asking him out for coffee.1

Do not knock on the apartment door of someone you recently met to ask them out.

Randomly showing up to someone's home is creepy and will not come off as intended.

one person who lived it

Do not ask if your interest or age difference seems weird or annoying.

Asking makes it weird and creates awkwardness.

one person who lived it

Check her social media for opinions on LGBT people before deciding whether to come out to her.

If she has positive opinions, it is safer to tell her.

one person who lived it

Make your romantic interest clear to women by asking them out, otherwise they may view you as a friend.

She will either reciprocate or not once you make your interest clear.

one person who lived it

• Ask her out directly; if she declines, accept that she is not interested, but consider remaining friends if you value the friendship.1
• Flirt slightly before asking someone out to clarify that your interest is romantic rather than platonic.1

Express your romantic interest early and directly to align expectations.

Delaying makes it harder to ask; concealing interest can result in awkward friendzone dynamics or negative reactions due to lack of familiarity.

• There is a risk they may react poorly if they feel you don't know them enough yet.

4 people, independently

• State your romantic feelings early rather than waiting to avoid appearing clingy or pestering.1

State clearly that you found someone attractive and wanted to talk, rather than engaging in intense flirting with someone you barely know.

Intense early flirting can be unwanted; clear intent is preferred by some.

• Some people dislike when guys they barely know start flirting intently.

one person who lived it

Call the person on the phone or send a physical note through the mail.

It is not difficult.

one person who lived it

Avoid coming off too strong when asking someone out.

It might do more harm than good.

one person who lived it

Share your own opinion and ask for the other person's take; if they do not wish to talk, move along.

This approach marks you as an efficient ally.

one person who lived it

When asked for a friend's contact info, refuse to provide it directly and offer to pass along the requester's information instead.

It ensures you have the friend's permission and protects against harassment.

3 people, independently

Ask your crush out immediately if they are leaving town soon.

You will likely regret not doing so, and rejection matters less if they are leaving anyway.

one person who lived it

Ask a coworker for their phone number in person rather than through other means.

Other methods may feel weird.

one person who lived it

When asking someone to hang out, propose a specific time and place rather than a vague invitation.

Asking someone already on the edge to make plans often leads to getting nowhere.

one person who lived it

• Ask for a date by stating clearly that you are 'interested' and proposing a specific time and place; if that doesn't work, ask for their number to find a better schedule.1

Start initiating interactions in small ways, such as making eye contact, playful teasing, or talking to strangers.

It is awkward at first, but you get stronger with practice.

one person who lived it

• Take the initiative to express interest, even if you feel outmatched.1
• Start small social interactions by smiling briefly at someone and then looking away.1
• Start small with self-disclosure to become more comfortable over time.3

Limit invitations to hang out to a maximum of two times; if the person is interested but busy, they will offer an alternative time.

If they don't offer an alternate day, they are likely not interested.

one person who lived it

Directly tell someone you find them attractive and propose hanging out to remove ambiguity.

High school guys appreciate when it is made easy to know they are not doing anything unwanted.

2 people, independently

If you sense mutual romantic interest, make your move promptly rather than overthinking, as the other person may be wondering if you are interested.

She might be thinking 'why hasn't he made his move' or another person might take her from you.

2 people, independently

Approach people in contexts that provide a natural excuse to talk, such as asking for help finding a book in a library.

The context gives you an excuse and ideally a theme for the conversation.

one person who lived it

Ask the person out directly to confirm mutual interest rather than relying on third-party reports.

Directly asking is the only way to know for sure how someone feels.

one person who lived it

• Ask a mutual friend if the person you are interested in has a boyfriend to gauge interest without direct confrontation.1

Avoid taking selfies with strangers you just met to send as a first text, as this behavior is perceived as weird and needy.

It comes across as weird and needy.

one person who lived it

Explicitly state that you are looking to expand your friend circle when inviting someone for coffee.

Being clear that it is strictly platonic is key.

one person who lived it

Do not hover over someone or demand they dial your number immediately after giving it to them.

It is considered gross and pressuring; it may cause the other person to provide a fake number.

2 people, independently

Approach someone without needing a specific reason other than wanting to talk, as requiring a reason sets you up for failure.

If they like you, they won't care why you started chatting; needing a reason makes it harder for yourself.

one person who lived it

If unsure about continuing a casual arrangement, directly ask the other person if they want to hang out again to get a clear answer.

Don't beat around the bush; asking gives you your answer either way.

one person who lived it

Verify phone numbers by reading them back with intentional errors to see if the person corrects you.

If they do not correct you, it indicates the number was likely fake.

one person who lived it

Ask a potential partner if they have a boyfriend when hanging out to subtly signal romantic interest.

It is an obvious way of letting them know you want to know if someone else is in their life.

one person who lived it

Ask a coworker to eat together after work even if nervous, as there is nothing to lose at that point.

The worst outcome is simply a refusal.

one person who lived it

Practice flirting regularly, accepting that there is no perfect formula because people are not robots.

Most people will take your effort as a compliment that you care about their opinion of you.

one person who lived it

Practice talking and texting girls for friendly company without lying or acting like someone you are not.

Eventually you will make girl friends and potentially a girlfriend.

one person who lived it

Do not offer your phone number to a coworker unless they offer theirs first; accepting a number without interest is easier than refusing one.

If they were interested, they would have given you theirs. Most people accept numbers politely and delete them later rather than saying no.

one person who lived it

Compliment modified cars or sports cars to initiate friendly conversations with drivers.

They will likely smile and give thanks.

one person who lived it

Be aware that offering your number may fail if the other person expects traditional gender roles where men initiate contact.

Some people may laugh at the gesture or state they do not call guys, preferring to be called themselves.

one person who lived it

Clearly let your romantic feelings be known early on.

Some people may only start taking interest once they realize you fancy them.

one person who lived it

Be upfront early in interactions that you are seeking only platonic friendship to prevent misunderstandings.

Keeping intentions clear since the beginning has helped.

4 people, independently

Find shared interests and plan an activity together to create a reason to get their number, especially if you work together.

Asking someone out directly can be awkward if they reject you and you work with them.

one person who lived it

Frame the request for a phone number as a statement that you should have it, rather than asking if you can have it.

Asking sounds like you are requesting a favor or friendship, whereas stating it avoids that dynamic.

one person who lived it

Adopt a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity when asking someone out.

There are other potential partners available.

one person who lived it

Initiate in-person interaction before sending online friend requests to strangers or acquaintances.

Randomly adding someone you don't talk to can seem weird; you need to be on their radar first.

one person who lived it

Avoid confessing deep feelings early on; instead, suggest doing things more often after spending time together.

Confessing deep feelings forces the other person to view the situation as serious and can be awkward.

2 people, independently

Skip lengthy lead-ins or apologies for knowing each other for a long time; state your desire to get to know them better directly.

Apologizing for your interest makes things too complicated.

one person who lived it

Invite another friend to join you and the coworker at a social event to dilute romantic vibes.

This allows you to get to know them without giving off 'I’m crushing on you' signals.

one person who lived it

Prepare standard excuses such as having a boyfriend, being in a rush, or not giving out numbers to strangers.

one person who lived it

Build trust before asking personal questions.

Sudden intimacy can be perceived as a red flag.

one person who lived it

Start a friendship slowly but clarify your romantic intentions early to avoid being stuck in the friend zone.

If you do not set the pace of liking her romantically, she will only view you as a friend; clarifying intentions respectfully prevents disgust if she does not reciprocate.

2 people, independently

If approached by a man at the gym who asks to hang out, mention a girlfriend or past relationship to clarify boundaries if you are not interested.

To set it straight and make yourself feel more comfortable.

one person who lived it

Ask someone out in person instead of via text or messenger apps.

You cannot gauge their response or body language digitally, and doing so is considered less classy.

2 people, independently

In your first text, remind the recipient who you are, mention that you enjoyed talking to them, and express interest in meeting up again.

You can usually gauge their interest based on this approach.

one person who lived it

Pursue a romantic interest if they have explicitly asked to hang out, even if you see them talking to others.

Their attempt to hang out indicates interest, which is not negated by their interactions with others.

one person who lived it

Ask the person to hang out rather than asking them to be your girlfriend, avoiding the pressure of an imaginary milestone.

There is no necessary gate one must pass through to start dating.

one person who lived it

Frame an invitation as a casual, spontaneous desire for company, such as stating you are hungry right now, rather than a planned event.

Make sure it's low effort and casual.

one person who lived it

Start multiple tiny conversations throughout the day to reduce internal pressure.

This makes starting a conversation with a romantic interest much easier.

one person who lived it

Openly acknowledge your shyness to the person you like so they understand it stems from attraction rather than weirdness.

It releases pressure and removes their power over you, allowing you to laugh at the situation.

one person who lived it

Start a conversation by offering help or assistance, such as asking if they need anything.

If they are interested, they will likely say yes even if they do not really need help.

one person who lived it

Avoid asking immediately if someone has a boyfriend.

It can come across as odd.

one person who lived it

Talk to potential partners like human beings to get to know them instead of immediately asking for social media contacts.

Asking for personal information like Snapchat can make women uncomfortable if they don't know you yet.

one person who lived it

Set a brief social connection, such as chatting for about 30 minutes or engaging in small talk, before offering your contact information.

Building rapport helps avoid appearing creepy.

2 people, independently

• Introduce yourself and establish friendly rapport before attempting physical contact with someone in a social setting.1

Stop analyzing the past interaction and ask her out directly next time.

Analyzing the session can be interpreted as blaming her for mixed signals.

one person who lived it

Ask an unusual or specific question related to the other person's profile to start a conversation.

Generic openers won't get a good response rate.

one person who lived it

State your intentions clearly and propose a specific day and activity when asking someone out.

9 people, independently

Relax and approach the interaction as if getting to know a potential best friend.

Relaxing is key to having a nice conversation.

one person who lived it

Invite a shy person to low-pressure activities like going to the gym or eating out; if they make time, it may indicate interest.

• This approach worked in one instance where subsequent physical affection followed.

one person who lived it

• Invite someone to join you in casual daily tasks, such as grocery shopping or studying, to gauge their interest before committing to a formal date.1

Avoid declaring strong feelings like 'I really like you' to strangers based purely on physical attraction.

It is best not to mention such feelings if you have just seen the person and the basis is purely physical.

one person who lived it

Be present without rushing interactions; if people take another path, do not view it as rejection, but simply as a different direction.

People may notice your parallel presence and engage naturally if not pressured.

one person who lived it

Clarify romantic interest explicitly if you avoid using the word 'date'.

Ambiguity is discouraged; stating you have a crush or adding 'with me' subtly gets the point across.

one person who lived it

After an initial tense moment, relax the atmosphere by asking if you can join the person for a drink or activity.

Everyone feels more relaxed after this request.

one person who lived it

Share specific questions or requests first to demonstrate emotional investment.

This helps the other person feel safe enough to reciprocate.

one person who lived it

• Initiate emotional vulnerability directly rather than waiting for attraction signals.1

Acknowledge that the person is busy or studying before interrupting them.

It gives them the opportunity to decide whether to send you away or keep you nearby.

one person who lived it

Admit your nervousness when asking someone out to appear more human and relatable.

They have likely already noticed your nerves, and imperfection makes you seem more authentic.

one person who lived it

Ask to see someone's class notes to initiate a conversation.

This can lead to a good conversation afterward.

one person who lived it

Use a simple, low-stakes phrase like 'I'm in if you're in' to feel out interest while keeping it casual.

one person who lived it

Before asking a service provider (like a hairstylist) to hang out, clarify that you are only interested in friendship and emphasize any lack of romantic/sexual interest to avoid misunderstanding.

Just so there's no doubt.

one person who lived it

Build a foundation of friendship and emotional connection before asking someone out, especially if you will see them regularly.

Instantly asking someone you see consistently is too strong; a friendship foundation helps the relationship thrive.

2 people, independently

• Build a friendship before asking someone out to gauge interest and reduce awkwardness.1

Keep asking girls out, accepting that you may need to be rejected multiple times before succeeding.

3 people, independently

Do not immediately call a number you just received to check if it is valid, even under the guise of exchanging numbers.

It creates awkwardness for everybody.

one person who lived it

Be direct and honest about romantic interest instead of befriending someone hoping it turns flirty.

Making platonic friends with hidden romantic hopes is dishonest.

one person who lived it

Ask for a clear, direct answer about romantic interest to avoid lingering uncertainty.

It provides closure and eliminates 'what ifs' that burden the friendship.

one person who lived it

Build rapport before asking someone out to gauge their reaction and avoid awkwardness.

Approaching without context is ineffective, like throwing a basketball on a baseball field.

one person who lived it

Casually mention your current partner in conversations with people who might be interested in you to set boundaries early.

Waiting longer is disrespectful to your girlfriend.

one person who lived it

Treat initial interactions with a crush as if they were a platonic friend to reduce nervousness, then gradually signal romantic interest once normal conversation is established.

Imagining you aren't attracted to them helps help with normal friendly conversation first.

one person who lived it

Approach interactions with the goal of discovering if you are compatible, rather than aiming for a relationship immediately.

It helps and prevents appearing desperate.

one person who lived it

Express romantic interest in a coworker directly and maturely, avoiding indirect posts or baiting behavior designed to elicit sympathy.

Indirect fishing for attention appears needy and unprofessional.

one person who lived it

Ask the person out in person rather than over text to show decisiveness.

Decisiveness is very attractive.

one person who lived it

Prepare an open-ended question about their job or experiences to start a conversation, since people generally enjoy talking about themselves.

People love talking about themselves.

one person who lived it

Ask direct questions to signal your engagement.

Asking questions usually indicates interest.

one person who lived it

Greet someone who showed prior interest with a smile, confirm their name if unknown, and reference the previous topic of conversation as a safe opener.

one person who lived it

Directly tell a woman you find her cute to 'rip the band-aid off,' even though it may not become easier over time.

While hitting on women may not get easier, talking to them does.

one person who lived it

Stop rating women based on looks and view them as whole people with personalities beyond physical appearance.

Perceiving women beyond how they look goes a long way, and women notice it.

one person who lived it

Ask close female friends for their opinion on your dating approach and red flags.

Men have a very hard time determining between the two.

one person who lived it

Approach girls with a friendly vibe rather than a sexual one; treat them as friends first before trying to move up.

Going off a vibe of wanting sex prevents getting a girlfriend, while friendliness helps because vibe is a factor.

one person who lived it

Give obvious, direct compliments rather than subtle ones to ensure men understand your interest.

Men are often oblivious to subtle signs and do not understand hints; they prefer honest truth.

2 people, independently

Stay away from 'Pick Up Artists' and their strategies.

They are wrong about women and such strategies lead to long-term misery.

one person who lived it

Be aware that some people flirt more comfortably with those they are not attracted to because the lower stakes increase their comfort level.

It is something some do naturally, and they are more comfortable around those they are not attracted to.

• This reflects one person's experience as a woman.

one person who lived it

Avoid flirting or creating sexual tension in the workplace.

It can lead to HR involvement and job loss.

one person who lived it

Initiate conversations and be friendly to take pressure off men.

It takes a lot of pressure off men.

one person who lived it

If you are short, prove your value to women through leadership or humor rather than height, and absorb criticism without reacting.

Outcompeting taller men in non-height areas and refusing to engage with height-based comments may lead others to become jealous of you.

one person who lived it

Set boundaries early with single men to avoid leading them on, even if it feels presumptuous.

They will be hurt more by feeling led on than by early boundary setting.

one person who lived it

Set goals that are not solely based on getting women, such as learning languages or arts.

Women can sense when goals are only about them, and it seems desperate.

one person who lived it

Do not assume women owe you attraction or sex simply because you are polite or go to the gym.

Attraction is not owed to anyone, just as your attraction is not owed to all women.

one person who lived it

Ask genuine questions, such as for directions, to realize that girls are human beings.

you'll realize that they are human

one person who lived it

Avoid relying on dating apps as a primary strategy.

Apps are described as trash with over 70% of users being men.

one person who lived it

Do not immediately tell women that you have never dated or kissed.

They do not need to know that right off the bat.

one person who lived it

Be polite, nice, and helpful to make others feel comfortable and safe, which may encourage them to approach you.

One person reported that women approached them because they saw he was nice and felt safe around him.

one person who lived it

Drop the 'woe-is-me' attitude and pity party demeanor.

It creates a horrible attitude that women can detect, and being 'nice' does not cover the stench of it.

one person who lived it

Go out and meet people without any specific motive to meet women.

You cannot expect a girlfriend to accidentally fall into your lap if you don't put yourself out there.

one person who lived it

View women as regular people with their own minds, rather than treating them as special or solely as potential romantic partners.

3 people, independently

• Talk to women as human beings rather than projecting romantic or sexual expectations onto them.1
• View women as people with agency rather than as objects or targets to be scored or manipulated.1
• Stop idealizing women; treat them as normal people by asking about their hobbies, interests, goals, and opinions.1
• Interact with women as normal people rather than treating them like video-game levels to complete or mystical enchantments.1
• Focus on communicating with women as individual human beings rather than viewing them as property belonging to their boyfriends.1

Do not rely on non-verbal cues to reject advances, as men often miss them completely.

Men are generally not good at reading non-verbal cues.

one person who lived it

Avoid self-deprecation and act as if you have a chance with the person you are interested in.

Self-deprecation is not attractive to many people.

one person who lived it

Go to events with friends to appear less threatening, as solo men can sometimes seem creepy to women.

Women may be more defensive, and a man alone without friends can seem threatening from the start.

one person who lived it

Be nice but not too nice, be yourself, and be forward when talking to women.

Confidence is important.

one person who lived it

Work on breaking out of negative mindsets to improve social skills with women.

Breaking out of this mindset improves social skills with women.

one person who lived it

Understand that female friends may view you as a great catch but not romantically interested in you specifically.

This is described as 'someone else syndrome,' where friends think you deserve to find 'miss right' but know it's not them.

one person who lived it

Treat dating each individual woman as a unique experience rather than viewing 'dating women' as a general problem to solve.

Viewing it as a general thing leads to frustration.

one person who lived it

Develop hobbies and pursue a career or life goal.

Women are attracted to men who have interests and are working toward something.

one person who lived it

Compliment men casually, treating them like friends without overdoing it.

Quiet guys often receive few compliments and would appreciate it.

• Don't overdo it.

2 people, independently

• Give men casual compliments, as they rarely receive them and tend to hold onto them for years.2
• Give compliments to men, especially regarding things they rarely receive praise for.1

Explicitly state that you are talking to someone simply because you are bored, not for romantic reasons.

Men are described as not intuitive in this context.

• Some question whether it is necessary to explain why you are talking to people.

one person who lived it

Maintain hygiene and be likeable; talk to girls simply to practice conversation rather than to get a girlfriend.

The goal is to leave them with a good image of you, regardless of whether a relationship develops.

one person who lived it

Avoid hitting on women in customer service roles.

They cannot give clear rejections due to their job, leading to mixed signals.

one person who lived it

Avoid trying too hard to impress women or talking excessively about yourself.

Doing so can lead to being friendzoned.

one person who lived it

Ask female friends for honest feedback on your dating behavior and texting style.

One person found this helped identify areas where they failed to make girls feel special or exciting.

one person who lived it

Recognize that women may be polite to cold approachers out of fear of retaliation rather than interest, and consider ghosting further contact.

fear of retaliation

• based on one person's experience

one person who lived it

Avoid overusing cheesy pick-up lines or trying too hard.

It reflects an immature mindset typical of early 20s.

one person who lived it

Do not label yourself as creepy; follow your heart instead of giving energy to self-consciousness.

One person noted they never thought a woman approaching them was creepy.

one person who lived it

Reject red-pill and pickup artist ideologies as manipulative marketing designed to exploit insecurity and sell courses.

These groups aim to make you feel inferior and angry to get you to pay for subscriptions.

one person who lived it

Avoid sending nude photos entirely; instead, meet the person in person or choose better partners.

Others will likely see them eventually, and men do not need them.

one person who lived it

Work on your general confidence first, because insecurity shows in everything you do and turns most women off.

Insecurity comes across in how you talk and acts as a turn-off.

one person who lived it

Do not assume someone is 'wife material' based solely on a brief interaction or their profession.

Thinking this after meeting once is considered a red flag, especially if their job is just to be nice.

one person who lived it

Socialize with attractive women as if they were friends, ignoring their attractiveness, to appear less creepy.

It comes off as less creepy.

one person who lived it

• View women as friends you can flirt with rather than potential partners; enjoy their attention and stop trying to impress them.1

Be blunt about your lack of interest in men if you are a lesbian facing unwanted attention.

Some men view lesbians as challenges or opportunities for threesomes.

one person who lived it

Shift your dating goal from 'getting girls' to 'getting to know people,' treating women as people rather than objects to obtain.

one person who lived it

Avoid complimenting a woman's youth or age, as it can be perceived as creepy or imply that her value is tied to being young.

Mentioning youth specifically is described as a turn-off and sounding like a 'pedo-adjacent creeper,' while implying older women must rush because men only like young women.

one person who lived it

Be friends with women first to get comfortable and share interests, letting feelings grow naturally.

This approach allows respect and comfort to set a foundation for a relationship.

one person who lived it

Be yourself rather than changing your personality when talking to a girl, as seeing guys change is a real shame.

one person who lived it

Do not claim to share specific interests with a woman if you cannot sustain a conversation about them or own related items.

Pretending to share an interest when you lack the knowledge or possessions is repulsive.

one person who lived it

Express feelings of safety and relief around your partner instead of just complimenting their physical appearance.

Telling him 'I feel so safe around you' hits harder than 'you're handsome'.

one person who lived it

Approach based on compatibility rather than just looks.

Approaching based on looks can lead to unhappy relationships; cute does not equal good in bed, interesting, or sexually compatible.

one person who lived it

Be clear about your romantic intentions early to avoid ambiguity.

Women remain guarded until they know where you stand; non-committal paths are unclear and exhausting.

one person who lived it

Approach talking to women as having a normal conversation rather than 'hitting on' them to avoid nervousness and creepy behavior.

Thinking you are hitting on someone makes you nervous and moves you into 'creepy land'.

one person who lived it

Focus on getting to know the person as an individual rather than trying to create sexual tension artificially.

Sexual tension comes naturally from knowing who you and the other person are.

one person who lived it

Recognize that quiet or nerdy personalities may be attractive because they avoid annoying attempts at seduction.

Most attempts at wooing are yucky.

one person who lived it

Avoid defeatist attitudes and bitterness about your height.

Women can detect resignation from afar; confidence and humor are more attractive.

one person who lived it

Interpret friendly behavior from women as politeness or comfort rather than romantic interest.

Friendliness often indicates that a woman feels safe enough to be herself around you, not necessarily attraction.

• Some argue this approach causes men to ignore actual signals of interest.

one person who lived it

• Do not interpret every touchy or clingy behavior from female friends as romantic interest.1

Casually talk to all women, not just those you fancy, to normalize interaction.

Frequent casual conversation reduces the terror of talking to women by making it feel normal.

one person who lived it

Express your own opinions instead of agreeing with everything a date says.

Not being super agreeable demonstrates experience with women.

one person who lived it

Signal interest with light teasing or specific compliments, but avoid self-deprecating jokes.

Self-deprecating jokes might make you seem like a nuisance.

one person who lived it

Use the FORD acronym (Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams) to guide conversations with girls.

These four topics are effective for interacting with girls.

one person who lived it

Ask directly about her wishes and feelings if you are uncertain about physical escalation.

She appreciates when men consider her needs in these moments.

one person who lived it

Communicate with women as actual human persons rather than using misogynistic strategies that treat them as targets.

Generalizing how women respond is described as misogynistic bullshit.

one person who lived it

Practice real niceness that is non-needy and does not require reciprocation.

Inauthenticity and using niceness as a transactional tool for sex is incredibly repulsive to women.

one person who lived it

Accept that initial guardedness from women is often a baseline safety mechanism, not personal rejection.

It is literally baseline safety.

one person who lived it

Challenge the assumption that all women are boring, as this belief confirms itself and hinders real conversation.

Assuming they are boring prevents having real conversation.

one person who lived it

Stop sexualizing the experience beforehand and invite her out to see where things go naturally.

Sexualizing the experience beforehand gets you in your own head.

one person who lived it

Do not take public silence from men personally; recognize that some avoid interaction due to fear of being perceived as creeps or rejected.

Some men have had negative past experiences where they were labeled negatively for talking to women.

one person who lived it

Date people you are initially physically attracted to, then judge over time whether you like them.

Physical attraction does not make the approach shallow.

one person who lived it

Distinguish between wanting a girlfriend and wanting to be a boyfriend.

one person who lived it

Distinguish between attraction and liking; recognize that finding someone cute does not mean you know or like them.

one person who lived it

Avoid 'nice guy' tactics such as hiding true emotions or over-investing in someone who has not shown interest.

These behaviors often stem from an expectation of reciprocation based on niceness rather than mutual consent.

one person who lived it

Compliment someone's personality or conversations rather than calling them cute.

Women have reported hating being looked at like 'bags of meat'.

one person who lived it

Ask thoughtful, provocative questions and listen sincerely to get along better with women you like.

Sincerity wins.

one person who lived it

Avoid scripted flirting techniques like 'negging' or creating social competition, as they can feel sleazy, cringe-worthy, and exhausting.

Such approaches are described as petty, annoying, and exhausting.

one person who lived it

Approach attractive people you perceive as 'out of your league' by treating them like regular human beings.

They are often ignored by others who put up imaginary barriers, giving you a significant advantage over the competition.

one person who lived it

Approach with natural behavior rather than overthinking, as attraction often makes even clumsy attempts endearing.

If she is attracted to you, she will find your approach endearing regardless of how hamfisted it may be.

one person who lived it

Get to know women to understand their daily experiences, which provides perspective on issues like harassment claims.

Knowing what women go through regularly gives you perspective.

one person who lived it

Get to know people personally to understand their specific cues rather than relying on generalizations about gender.

This approach likely leads to better success.

one person who lived it

Avoid direct approaches based on appearance or relationship status.

Such approaches can creep out women.

one person who lived it

Stop worrying about performance in sexual encounters.

If the partner is genuinely interested, performance issues will not matter, and you can always engage again later.

one person who lived it

Focus on making the other person feel special instead of listing your career or hobby itinerary.

Women generally do not care about itineraries of activities; they want to feel special.

one person who lived it

Call women 'women' instead of 'females'.

Calling them 'females' can come across as cringey and alienating.

one person who lived it

Avoid giving unearned compliments like 'you're amazing' to someone you just met, as this can come across as fake or overly eager.

Such compliments are perceived as unearned and can create a negative impression of thirstiness.

one person who lived it

Take inventory of both your masculine and feminine traits and integrate them into a balanced personality.

Everyone possesses both sets of traits regardless of gender.

one person who lived it

Tone down excessive friendliness or intensity to avoid being misinterpreted as having a romantic crush.

Excessive caring nature and giddiness can lead women on; reflecting on intensity helps recoil from being too friendly.

one person who lived it

Accept that nervousness may be perceived as cute if the other person is already attracted to you.

Confidence becomes irrelevant once attraction is established.

one person who lived it

If conversations with women feel platonic, start adding casual compliments about their personality or interests to signal romantic interest without being sexual or overwhelming.

Some girls need reassurance that you view them as a romantic interest, or they assume you are not interested.

one person who lived it

Avoid making generalizations about women in dating.

Dynamics are often cultural rather than universal.

one person who lived it

Be shameless to attract attention and avoid being overlooked, but remain considerate to prevent losing yourself or appearing creepy.

Shamelessness ensures you are noticed and not 'friendzoned,' while consideration prevents you from being seen as creepy or losing your identity.

one person who lived it

Take up actual conversations with women instead of drawing conclusions from internet rhetoric.

Direct conversation helps clarify perspectives on these topics.

one person who lived it

Understand that men are not solely responsible for initiating dates; it is normal and acceptable for women to make the first move.

one person who lived it

When approaching women in bars, offer to buy pizza instead of alcohol to stand out from other suitors.

Every other guy offers drinks; offering pizza is unique and avoids issues associated with excessive drinking.

one person who lived it

Recognize that married men may seem more approachable because their marital status removes the threat of sexual advances, allowing you to relax.

It is not necessarily increased interest, but rather feeling safe from the expectation of going to bed with them.

one person who lived it

Express attraction tactfully by complimenting non-physical traits like sense of humor.

It makes your interest obvious without focusing on the body.

one person who lived it

Be skeptical of overly complimentary statements early in a relationship.

Such canned answers may be tactics used by anyone hoping to get laid.

one person who lived it

Start conversations with women without expecting anything in return to practice social interaction.

3 people, independently

Stay clean and well-dressed, avoid creepy behavior, and cultivate personability, as charisma is a significant attraction factor.

Charisma is described as a huge turn-on.

one person who lived it

Accept that most conversations with women will not lead to a date, and be okay with interactions ending without further pursuit.

Most conversations won't lead anywhere; accepting this reduces pressure and allows appropriate opportunities to arise naturally.

one person who lived it

Recognize that media glorification of persistence may cause some men to fail to connect repeated asking with sexual harassment.

one person who lived it

Stop assuming people's gender based on reductionist stereotypes; instead, treat gender as socially constructed and focus on getting to know people deeply.

one person who lived it

Talk to attractive people as if they were normal friends rather than objectifying them or approaching with immediate sexual intent.

one person who lived it

Take the initiative to ask someone out even if you fear rejection.

Regret over things you didn't do ('would've, could've, should've') drives you insane, whereas the worst outcome is just a decline.

2 people, independently

Adopt the mindset that rejection is not the end of the world.

10 people, independently

• Develop a thick skin to make handling rejection easier over time.4

Keep yourself busy and be yourself so that your happiness shows.

Trying to be happy will cause it to show up.

one person who lived it

Treat dating as a numbers game and keep trying to improve your odds.

Each attempt brings you one step closer to success.

one person who lived it

Be honest rather than lying to spare feelings.

Lying gets you nowhere while honesty can take you further.

one person who lived it

Move through life rather than waiting to feel ready.

Life does not pause for you.

one person who lived it

• Stop waiting to figure yourself out and start making moves.1
• Stop waiting to feel 'ready' to date, because you may never feel ready; take action instead.1

Express your interest even if you fear they will not call back.

It feels good to have taken the action regardless of the outcome.

one person who lived it

Be patient; it may take a decade to find the year that changes your life.

one person who lived it

Avoid overthinking and planning exactly what to say; instead, go with the flow.

Planning what you're going to say will never work.

one person who lived it

• Throw yourself into social situations without trying too hard to prepare, thinking as you go instead.1

Project the persona you wish to embody; others may believe it, and eventually, you might internalize it yourself.

It aligns with the idea of 'faking it till you make it.'

one person who lived it

Celebrate taking the first step, as it gets easier over time.

It gets easier every time.

one person who lived it

If you are shy or have low confidence, be honest and open about it instead of pretending to be something else.

Being honest is better than being fake.

one person who lived it

Approach despite fear, recognizing that your brain will exaggerate worst-case scenarios for risky actions.

The brain is not a friend in risky situations and always predicts the worst case.

one person who lived it

Set limits, be clear about what you want, and focus on improving your life.

Real security is what most changes how others perceive you.

one person who lived it

Embrace silence on dates instead of filling every moment with talk; enjoy the food and ambience.

Silence does not need to be filled and can be nice.

one person who lived it

Make a move soon if you are interested, as waiting tends to ruin chances more than it saves.

Waiting has been experienced as ruining more chances than making them.

one person who lived it

Act on opportunities immediately to avoid the high cost of regret.

The cost of winning may seem high, but the bill for regret is worse.

one person who lived it

Accept looking bulky if it is your natural form or makes you feel confident and attractive.

There is nothing wrong with it if it makes you happy.

one person who lived it

Use online dating as a tool to meet people, recognizing that taking no action guarantees no results.

You miss every shot you don't take.

one person who lived it

Mend your garden instead of chasing butterflies.

The butterflies will come.

2 people, independently

Do not apologize for setting boundaries or worry about how others react to them.

Their reaction is not in your control.

one person who lived it

Step out of fear-based isolation and try dating, as it may be easier than anticipated.

Fear tries to protect you, but stepping out reveals how easy it is.

one person who lived it

Do not let a failed attempt discourage you; recognize that trying is valuable and admired, regardless of the result.

Most people have experienced similar rejections, and it is part of a learning process.

one person who lived it

Be yourself to reduce long-term effort and cut down on surprises.

It requires less effort over time and leads to fewer surprises.

one person who lived it

Accept that intimacy and sex can be awkward, and laugh it off rather than letting it derail the experience.

Awkwardness is not bad.

one person who lived it

Do not interpret others' charisma as a reflection of your own worth; recognize that some people are simply natural magnets.

Being less charismatic does not mean you are boring, hopeless, or lacking things to offer.

one person who lived it

Make an active effort to socialize and meet new people rather than assuming you will never succeed.

You cannot get the person you like without putting in effort.

one person who lived it

Be natural and rely on your own instincts instead of following scripts.

Your natural behavior has gotten you this far and can take you further.

one person who lived it

Accept awkward mistakes as practice rather than dwelling on them.

Messing up is just practice for getting it right later.

one person who lived it

Accept being laughed at briefly rather than regretting not trying.

People will soon realize that attempting was not something to laugh about.

one person who lived it

Start practicing Jiu-Jitsu.

It may feel difficult at first, but it slowly builds confidence and discipline.

one person who lived it

Do not decide what others think is expensive or valuable; let them determine the worth for themselves.

This approach helped one person become the best salesman in their store.

one person who lived it

Accept advice as tools to keep in your toolbox rather than arguing against it.

Arguing causes people to lose patience; treating advice as potential tools is more productive.

one person who lived it

Take note of your first impressions but wait to gather more information before acting on them.

First impressions are often based on who the person reminds you of rather than who they actually are.

one person who lived it

Increase the volume of dates you attempt, as success is partly a matter of statistical probability rather than perfect precision.

You are bound to hit some successes out of many attempts, similar to making 1 out of 100 free throws.

one person who lived it

Act on your feelings instead of choosing comfort, because failing to act often leads to regret later in life.

Choosing comfort at the expense of action results in future regret.

one person who lived it

If you feel intimidated by a romantic interest, imagine them taking a shit to remind yourself they are humans with flaws.

It reminds you they are humans with flaws.

one person who lived it

Start dating now instead of waiting until you feel ready.

Waiting for readiness means waiting your whole lives, as you are never truly ready for anything.

one person who lived it

Be confident in yourself and what you offer, even if you are awkward.

Confidence is key, regardless of awkwardness.

one person who lived it

Force yourself to start talking to people despite nervousness.

4 people, independently

Don't try to stop the adrenaline rush when something exciting happens.

It is a normal body action.

one person who lived it

Act with daring confidence and stay aware of your surroundings.

People are attracted to confidence.

one person who lived it

Go to movies or restaurants alone without embarrassment, as others are generally too focused on their own lives to judge.

Other people are not giving you a second look and are wrapped up in their own lives.

one person who lived it

Celebrate putting yourself out there as an achievement, regardless of the outcome.

It is a huge step and an achievement in itself.

one person who lived it

Set aside conflicting rules and warnings to identify and follow your own needs.

Lists of advice and warnings are endless and can be overwhelming.

one person who lived it

Own your awkward moments and failures with humor rather than hiding them.

Laughing at oneself can be attractive.

one person who lived it

Accept that no normal person can attract everyone; keep trying because sometimes it works out.

Not everyone will be attracted to you, but persistence can lead to success.

one person who lived it

Focus on the accomplishment of asking someone out rather than worrying about whether their interest was genuine.

Taking the action is what matters, and it gets easier over time.

one person who lived it

Live your own life and bring others into it, instead of trying to live someone else's life to gain acceptance.

one person who lived it

Respond in the moment because tempo matters.

Hesitation causes you to lose the moment.

one person who lived it

Stop ruminating on past mistakes without purpose; instead, ask yourself how to do better in the future.

Ruminating without purpose kills confidence.

one person who lived it

Accept that taking risks is necessary for reward in dating.

No risk, no reward.

one person who lived it

Stop overthinking what the other person is thinking and call them to make plans.

Overthinking defeats happiness.

one person who lived it

• Stop overanalyzing minor details and simply enjoy the person's presence if you like them.1

Ask yourself why specific triggers affect you to better understand yourself.

Looking at yourself helps explain why you care about certain reactions.

one person who lived it

Recognize that knowing someone is interested can help you relax.

This knowledge provides confidence that allows you to chill out.

one person who lived it

Choose discomfort over comfort to initiate personal growth.

Growth begins when you opt for discomfort.

one person who lived it

Adopt a statistical mindset where success rates are viewed as roughly 1 in 5 to 10 attempts, reducing discouragement.

One person argued that other stats are off and discouraging, suggesting this range is more accurate.

one person who lived it

View each attempt at asking someone out as a step toward improvement rather than a failure.

It reduces stress for future attempts and every small step counts toward improvement.

one person who lived it

If you feel anxious about rejection, try adopting a cosmic perspective that views humans as insignificant primates on a small planet.

It helps you take things less seriously.

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Choose to ask for a clear answer rather than leaving the situation unresolved, as this prevents years of wondering what might have happened.

Regretting an attempt is preferable to long-term uncertainty.

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Focus on taking action over remaining in limbo.

Not trying usually leaves you dissatisfied and unhappy with yourself.

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Actively pursue your goals rather than passively waiting for things to happen.

Passive approaches do not address the struggle of seeking connection.

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Accept that you will mostly fail regardless of your skill level to build confidence.

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Stop overthinking the outcome of interactions to appear more charismatic and avoid awkwardness.

Not focusing on the outcome helps you become charismatic and things tend to go the right way.

one person who lived it

Have people who love you take new photos of you to capture yourself truthfully, rather than taking bathroom selfies.

Loved ones are more likely to capture you truthfully.

one person who lived it

Fake confidence until it becomes a natural part of your personality.

Faking it long enough causes it to become part of yourself and your actual confidence level.

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View experiences of asking someone out, good or bad, as important memories that serve as a compass for where you have been, are, and will go.

one person who lived it

Ask the person out to resolve romantic uncertainty.

You will never be satisfied until it is resolved; otherwise, you will lament the decision and replay it in your mind perpetually.

one person who lived it

Read 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck' if you are looking for a book recommendation.

4 people, independently

Define masculinity on your own terms by choosing personal values like kindness, honesty, and respect, rather than conforming to societal expectations.

It frees you from external pressures.

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Cultivate confidence and strive to be interesting.

Confidence is key and being interesting works.

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Acknowledge your honesty about being scared as a positive starting point.

Many people avoid admitting fear, making self-honesty a strong foundation.

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Project confidence in your lifestyle and comfort in your own skin.

Confidence speaks louder than expensive gestures and signals attractiveness regardless of wealth.

2 people, independently

Focus on enjoying the present moment and being yourself rather than worrying about future outcomes or screwing up.

Actively trying something despite the risk of failure is braver and more attractive than paralysis.

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Accept that everything ends and enjoy the experience while it lasts.

one person who lived it

Visualize social interactions and intentionally make awkward mistakes to build skills.

Making errors is part of the process of trying out and building social abilities.

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• Practice social skills repeatedly and do not get discouraged by failures.1

If you have insecurities about traits like height, focus on becoming the best version of yourself within those constraints rather than trying to change them.

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If you freeze up, admit that you did not have a game plan for handling the situation.

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Define confidence as knowing you deserve respect regardless of how you look.

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Judge people based on their current reality rather than projecting your hopes onto them.

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Let intimate moments happen naturally without overthinking.

Thinking too much increases the chance of messing up.

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Accept the possibility that your offer will be accepted rather than fixating on negative outcomes.

People often focus on negative results even when positive ones are more probable.

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Be authentically yourself instead of wearing a mask to impress others.

Authenticity is noticeable and earns respect and attraction.

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Go out frequently to gain social experiences, which builds competence and confidence for handling future situations.

Competence breeds confidence.

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Relax to project confidence, which naturally attracts others.

Relaxation fosters confidence that draws people in.

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Cultivate confidence and self-assurance without crossing into arrogance; entering situations without expectations removes fear.

Confidence and self-assuredness are attractive traits.

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Do not assume persistence will win someone over, as this dynamic was more common in previous generations.

Stories of persistence succeeding after multiple rejections are largely from older generations.

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Join a gym and exercise regularly.

Exercise improves your outlook, increases confidence, and releases dopamine.

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Stop prioritizing social media interactions.

Prioritizing social media messes with your head; stopping makes the rest easy.

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Accept that attention rarely leads to action and treat it as validation rather than expecting outcomes.

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Build confidence by focusing on your own pursuits and ensuring you are happy independently.

3 people, independently

• Work on being comfortable with being alone, avoiding meekness or insecurity.3

Accept that understanding human motives is a continuous journey of peeling back layers.

one person who lived it

Invest in improving your positive traits and actively work on diminishing your worst ones, rather than just concealing them.

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Use external accountability, such as having a friend withhold a reward until you send a difficult message, to overcome hesitation in setting boundaries.

It helps ensure the action is taken despite difficulty.

one person who lived it

Avoid labeling yourself as awkward when explaining nervousness, as it undermines confidence.

Calling oneself awkward does not exude confidence and puts oneself down without helping.

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Be prepared that a friend's confession may stem from impulse rather than deep deliberation.

One person confessed without overthinking despite being worried beforehand.

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Live fearlessly in hope of positive outcomes rather than fearing negative ones.

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Recognize that your commitment to self-development makes you a valuable candidate.

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Question your automatic assumption of responsibility for another person's negative reaction; examine the situation to determine if their response is inappropriate.

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Acknowledge nervousness if you are feeling it, as genuineness is valued over perfect smoothness.

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Allow your adult partner to handle verbal conflicts themselves.

They are an adult and do not need defending more than you need defending by them.

• Intervene if there is a physical threat.

one person who lived it

Stop initiating dates if the other person flakes repeatedly; move on if they say no or flake more than twice.

Lack of reciprocation is not a challenge to prove your worth, and repeated flaking shows little consideration.

• Keep interactions cordial in person if you see them.

one person who lived it

Accept rejection gracefully and do not take it personally if the person does not follow up after receiving your number.

If they do not call or text, they have no interest; pestering them will not change that.

3 people, independently

Accept that a rejection provides a clear answer so you can move on.

You never know if you don't try.

one person who lived it

• Stop worrying about the response and just ask casually; if rejected, use it as closure to move on.1
• Accept rejection without dwelling on it, recognizing that the outcome will likely be insignificant in a few years.1
• Accept rejection gracefully and thank the person, viewing it as a favor that allows you to move on to the right partner.1
• Be happy that you took the action regardless of the answer, focusing on the courage shown rather than taking rejection personally.1

Get a part-time sales job to practice handling rejection and improve talking skills through volume.

It is a numbers game where you continue talking despite being rejected thousands of times.

one person who lived it

View rejection as neutral.

You were not dating them before, so a 'no' means nothing changes.

one person who lived it

Say 'no' or 'no thank you' as a firm, complete sentence without offering further explanation.

A firm, immediate refusal is a relief to the other person.

• Saying it bluntly can be perceived as rude.

2 people, independently

• Keep your refusal simple and avoid overexplaining to prevent giving the other person room to push back or argue.1

If someone confesses feelings to you, tell them the truth politely and do not lead them on.

Leading someone on is not fun for anyone.

one person who lived it

Accept that you are in the 'friend zone' if the other person has explicitly stated they see you as a sibling or friend.

They made their boundaries clear.

one person who lived it

Do not test a potential partner by abruptly changing your behavior, such as stopping visits.

They may assume you stopped because they did something wrong.

• Especially avoid this after only one conversation.

one person who lived it

Wait for a clear confession or move before rejecting someone to avoid acting on guesses.

Until then, you are guessing at their intentions and there is no need to act.

one person who lived it

Wait at least 24 hours before assuming disinterest from a lack of response, as the other person may be nervous, busy, or a slow texter.

They might be nervous, busy, not know what to say, or simply miss/forget texts.

one person who lived it

Move on if someone says they need to 'think about it' when asked out.

This response likely indicates a lack of interest.

one person who lived it

• If someone does not overtly reciprocate your interest or opens up after a few conversations, interpret this as lack of interest and move on.3
• If someone never initiates contact, assume they may be disinterested.3

If she confirms she likes you but you do not feel the same, tell her you value the friendship and do not reciprocate those feelings.

To avoid being a jerk.

one person who lived it

Stop pursuing the person who rejected you to allow yourself to move on from imagining 'what ifs'.

It allows you to stop imagining the what ifs.

one person who lived it

If rejected, remain chill and friendly so it remains a non-issue.

The other person may view your reaction as a compliment rather than awkwardness.

one person who lived it

• Act as if the rejection never happened in subsequent interactions to normalize the relationship.1

State your romantic interest clearly and early to avoid being misinterpreted as only wanting friendship.

Ambiguity can lead to negative assumptions or the 'friendzone,' whereas clarity allows for honest rejection rather than false acceptance.

• Direct confessions of love or immediate dating requests can be rejected instantly or feel too intense.
• Some people prefer a deeper connection before dating.

3 people, independently

Respect a 'no' answer to a kiss request calmly and without fuss.

Taking rejection well is seen as confident and respectful.

one person who lived it

• If she says no to a kiss, respond calmly by apologizing for misreading the situation and not meaning to surprise or discomfort her.1

If a coworker declines an invitation to hang out, do not bring it up again; instead, continue enjoying the friendship within the workplace context.

They may want to be work friends but not social partners outside of work.

one person who lived it

• Do not take it personally if a coworker refuses to socialize outside of work, as many people prefer to keep their professional and private lives separate or are not looking for new friends.1

Stop providing gifts or paying for dates if the other person has made it clear they are not interested.

Continuing to do so is your responsibility, not theirs.

one person who lived it

Accept that rejection is temporary and will likely be forgotten within a month.

The fear of asking someone out diminishes when you realize the worst outcome is forgettable.

one person who lived it

Send a clear, short message (3 or 4 sentences) stating you do not want another date.

It serves as a notification rather than an open conversation for negotiation.

one person who lived it

Do not assume malice if a friend declines a one-on-one hangout due to relationship status; respect their boundaries.

They may have a general rule against one-on-one meetings with the opposite sex, not a belief that you were hitting on them.

one person who lived it

If someone repeatedly cancels plans without offering a specific alternative time, stop making plans with them.

It indicates they do not respect your time or are not interested.

• If they are legitimately remorseful and propose a near-future date, you may accept.

one person who lived it

Do not pay for a date who ignores your messages or shows disrespect before meeting.

Ignoring messages is a sign of playing games and disrespect.

one person who lived it

Accept a partner's desire for casual arrangements and avoid pressing for more if they are evasive.

Persisting may lead to getting hurt.

one person who lived it

Explicitly state that it is okay if they decline to remove pressure.

It makes you appear chill, understanding, and secure.

one person who lived it

Realize that a lack of response means the person is not interested, rather than assuming they have poor social skills.

Sitting angry and assuming poor social skills ignores the reality that they are simply not into you.

one person who lived it

Walk away from people who insult your partner rather than engaging.

It avoids negativity and saves time; if they are not important, their opinions should not matter.

one person who lived it

Accept that you cannot convince someone to find you attractive; if they are not interested, move on immediately.

Real life does not work like romantic comedies where you can talk someone into liking you.

one person who lived it

Communicate openly that you are over the rejection, have no hard feelings, and value the friendship.

This reassures the withdrawing friend.

one person who lived it

If you are broke, state the reason and offer a free alternative to show interest in the person rather than their money.

It reassures them of your genuine interest and allows them to disqualify themselves if they react poorly.

one person who lived it

Accept 'no' as final and do not persist.

Ignoring a decision shows disrespect and reduces your chances of success.

one person who lived it

Stop pursuing someone immediately if they reject you; continuing to push is harassment.

The worst outcome is simply hearing no.

one person who lived it

Do not contact someone again without their invitation if you suspect you made them uncomfortable.

Your actions, specifically not contacting them, are the only way to assure them there will be no further trouble.

one person who lived it

Ensure your rejection is absolutely clear with no lingering doubt.

It saves both parties time.

one person who lived it

• Reject people clearly and directly to avoid causing the pain of ambiguous rejection.1
• Reject unrequited advances directly and clearly without explaining, justifying, apologizing, or sugarcoating the message.1

Avoid asking for reasons when someone declines a date.

Asking is often interpreted as assuming they owe you an explanation or that you deserve to be dated.

one person who lived it

Accept that you cannot control whether a friendship survives a rejection; if it wanes, it may reveal the friendship was conditional on attraction.

People who stay only because they are attracted to you aren't always the best friends.

one person who lived it

Before pursuing a coworker, spend time asking yourself if you can deal with rejection gracefully.

Work isn't the ideal matchmaking service.

one person who lived it

If you are unreciprocatedly interested in a friend, either accept the platonic friendship amicably or move on; do not wait for feelings to change.

Waiting often causes the other person to think less of you.

one person who lived it

• Approach the friendship with no expectation or hope of romance once you realize feelings are unreciprocated.1

Wait for an explicit move before rejecting to avoid overcorrecting against passive flirtation.

Shutting down someone who might just be being nice can create awkwardness.

one person who lived it

Be direct and set boundaries about your lack of romantic interest, explicitly stating that you do not view the person as a boyfriend, because their feelings are not your problem.

Allowing them to project whatever they want on the situation is unhelpful.

one person who lived it

Clarify that you value the existing friendship and did not intend to make the other person uncomfortable if you wish to remain friends after a romantic advance.

You liked the previous relationship dynamic and want to preserve the friendship.

one person who lived it

Use 'we' statements, such as 'we aren't compatible,' when rejecting someone.

It softens the message by taking the focus off the other person.

one person who lived it

Do not pursue further dates with someone who has insulted your character or financial status.

Such behavior indicates they are not kind and the relationship is unlikely to end well.

one person who lived it

Handle rejection gracefully to avoid being creepy, annoying, or disrespectful of others' space.

It is only creepy if you cannot handle a no gracefully.

one person who lived it

Use the return of an inappropriate gift as a conversational entry point to set boundaries, rather than starting with a blunt rejection.

Directly stating you are not interested can be awkward.

one person who lived it

Reject situations where you are treated as a second choice or where your partner is hedging their bets, recognizing that you are worth more than that.

one person who lived it

Respect a partner's decision to end a hookup or relationship, even if it causes inconvenience.

It is their decision.

one person who lived it

Stay chill and avoid repeatedly contacting someone who hasn't replied to prevent appearing desperate.

Social people can detect desperation easily.

• This applies especially if you don't know much about each other.

one person who lived it

Stop overthinking negative consequences and act, recognizing that the worst case is simply rejection.

You have not invested money in the other person, so the risk is minimal.

one person who lived it

Accept that ghosting is common in online dating because many people cannot handle difficult conversations, and brush it off rather than internalizing it.

People often feel anxious and handle situations poorly by ghosting because it is easy.

one person who lived it

When responding to a coworker's rejection via text, acknowledge it briefly and neutrally (e.g., 'Aw, too bad') without apologizing or explaining feelings, then immediately pivot back to normal work-related chit-chat.

This quickly moves past the rejection and maintains normalcy.

one person who lived it

Do not offer information you do not want to give; saying 'No, thanks' is enough because offering it may be interpreted as interest.

they'll interpret it as interest

one person who lived it

Give a clear, unmistakable 'no' immediately to stop persistent unwanted attention, rather than sending mixed messages.

mixed message... is why he hasn't gone away

one person who lived it

• Reject romantic advances with a blunt, unambiguous statement of disinterest and a command to stop asking.3
• Stop physical advances immediately if the other person is not okay with them.1

Propose a specific time and place when asking someone out.

Vague invitations often result in rejection, whereas a request to change the details indicates acceptance.

one person who lived it

If inconsistent communication becomes a regular pattern, stop replying or reduce your effort.

People who value you do not repeat this behavior.

one person who lived it

Before ending a relationship with someone sending mixed signals, communicate directly to explore their perspective and reasons for their behavior.

It allows you to understand why they are acting that way.

one person who lived it

Do not persist in pursuing someone who has explicitly stated they are not interested.

Persistence after a clear lack of interest makes the other person uncomfortable.

one person who lived it

Apologize and clarify that you view the person as a friend if you suspect your invitation was misinterpreted as romantic.

This clarifies that you did not imply anything more nor wish to cross boundaries regarding their relationship.

one person who lived it

If a date candidate declines due to studying or busy schedules, ask again once later; if they decline again, accept it as a permanent no.

A second 'no' probably means she isn't interested.

one person who lived it

Continue playing it cool after they accept the invitation.

To avoid overwhelming them.

one person who lived it

Interpret anything other than an explicit 'yes' as a rejection.

Soft rejections are common and easy to misunderstand.

one person who lived it

View rejections as statistically necessary steps toward finding a match.

Not acting carries a greater risk than facing rejection.

one person who lived it

• Accept that rejection is inevitable and necessary for progress in dating.1

Propose a specific time and place immediately after receiving a vague 'yes' to an invitation.

Vagueness about availability is a sign they do not want to follow up; they likely will not initiate logistics themselves.

2 people, independently

Keep internal pep talks and feelings of having 'nothing to lose' to yourself rather than voicing them after rejection.

Voicing these thoughts can come across as seeking sympathy for the rejection or appearing self-centered.

one person who lived it

Use the excuse of being in a relationship to reject advances in professional settings.

It protects the other person's ego.

one person who lived it

Treat vague responses like 'maybe sometime' as insufficient confirmation of interest.

Such responses are not solid enough to rely on.

one person who lived it

If a coworker does not reciprocate your interest, step back respectfully to reduce their stress.

Unreciprocated interest from a coworker can be really stressful for the other person.

one person who lived it

Continue living your own life independently; if the other person is genuinely interested, they will reach out again after their temporary absence.

A person who really likes you will contact you again when the time is right, even if it takes a while.

one person who lived it

Politely reject a coworker's romantic interest by stating you do not date coworkers or wish to keep the relationship strictly professional, without offering friendship.

Stringing someone along gives false hope; clarity maintains professionalism.

2 people, independently

Be honest and straightforward about your lack of interest, acknowledging their positive qualities while stating incompatibility.

Honesty eliminates wishful thinking and hope; guys generally respect honesty.

2 people, independently

Accept rejection gracefully; do not try to change someone's mind or ignore their lack of reciprocation.

Trying to change minds or ignoring lack of reciprocation makes people incredibly nervous and uncomfortable.

one person who lived it

After being rejected by a coworker, treat them with respect and keep a normal, friendly dynamic to avoid making them feel guilty.

Ghosting makes the rejector feel guilty and hurt; acting like it's no big deal preserves dignity

one person who lived it

• After a coworker rejects your romantic advance, act exactly as usual and do not apologize, as you did nothing wrong.1

If a friend rejects you romantically, respect their feelings and continue the friendship if possible.

Respecting boundaries can eliminate awkwardness and preserve the relationship.

one person who lived it

Check your body language to ensure you are not accidentally giving off negative vibes.

You might be signaling rejection unintentionally.

one person who lived it

Apologize for any previous lack of clarity to frame the final rejection respectfully.

It is considered appropriate to apologize for not being clear earlier.

one person who lived it

If an initial message receives a short reply, ask specific questions about the other person's content; if they remain uninterested, accept it as rejection.

This clarifies whether there is genuine interest or just disinterest.

one person who lived it

Act normally in future encounters after an awkward interaction without offering excessive apologies.

Overthinking or apologizing unnecessarily can make the situation worse; acting cool helps the other person brush it off.

one person who lived it

Respect a coworker's boundary regarding no interaction outside of work.

It is perfectly normal

one person who lived it

Respond to a rejection based on having a partner with a brief, polite acknowledgment and disengage immediately.

Communicating acceptance of the rejection is all that is required.

one person who lived it

Avoid mentioning jealousy over a casual partner, especially if they have texted you.

Texting indicates they are not mad, which is positive; mentioning jealousy undermines this.

one person who lived it

Respect a 'no' immediately if a woman declines conversation.

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• Only engage in sexual talk or touch when you are certain it is welcome, and accept rejection immediately without pursuing further.1

Politely decline romantic advances by using specific phrases, such as saying you are not seeking anything currently, do not wish to give false hope, or have no desire to continue the conversation.

3 people, independently

Play darts for hours with your partner.

One person reported this created some of their best couple memories.

one person who lived it

Take small steps toward goals, such as saving a portion of each paycheck or starting a free course.

These are examples of improving social skills and financial habits through manageable actions.

one person who lived it

Randomly ask your significant other for selfies to boost their mood.

They will feel great.

• One partner was suspicious of the request.

one person who lived it

Watch the movie first, then go to dinner, so you have a specific topic to discuss during the meal.

Talking about the movie provides an easier starting point for conversation, allowing tangents to branch off naturally.

4 people, independently

Ask what job the other person would choose if money were no object to spark a conversation about their passions.

It initiates a talk about one's passions.

• It can be a tough question and might make people feel like they are put on the spot.

one person who lived it

Send photos of flowers or care packages to show affection.

Sending a photo with a note saying 'this made me think of you' or sending a care package when away are little acts of service.

one person who lived it

If you connect with someone, schedule the next date before finishing the current one to keep the momentum going.

It keeps it rolling.

one person who lived it

Learn to cook your partner's favorite recipes at home to replace expensive restaurant habits.

It cuts down on costly dining out expenses.

2 people, independently

Set scheduled phone reminders to ask your partner about specific things in their day to help stay connected.

It can help you stay connected.

one person who lived it

Learn gentle humor.

It can be very helpful.

one person who lived it

Give small handmade gifts like cut flowers or wood crafts.

It shows care without high spending.

one person who lived it

Cook a meal at home.

It makes for a pretty great night.

one person who lived it

Work with your partner to set a calm, productive way to discuss disagreements before they become negative.

It can help with freezing up.

one person who lived it

Allow the other person to pay if they insist, so they can feel good about helping.

Helping someone feels good; don't be selfish.

one person who lived it

Plan hikes in advance by picking the route and packing essentials like water.

You will seem thoughtful and considerate.

one person who lived it

• Plan the date details, including location and activity, before asking.1

Be silly and loose while focusing on having fun.

The more fun you have, the better the interaction.

one person who lived it

Build a fulfilling life, such as having a dream job and support, to help with the process.

one person who lived it

Arrange travel plans so you can spend time with friends separately from your partner.

It allows for both 'homie time' and 'gf time'.

one person who lived it

Start doing things you wouldn't normally do to switch up your routine.

One person reported running into pleasant surprises every time they switched up their routine.

one person who lived it

Go stargazing with someone.

One person reported it helped win them over.

one person who lived it

Make a picnic with simple, beautifully arranged food like bread, cheese, and fruit.

It costs little but can be wildly impressive due to the presentation.

one person who lived it

Curate free local events from blogs and newsletters to share with your partner.

It shows you are engaged with the community and 'on the pulse' of the city.

one person who lived it

Pursue hobbies, goals, and friends that make you happy and fulfilled so your personality shines.

When you feel happy and fulfilled, your personality will shine.

one person who lived it

Set a weekly alarm to journal about your current life situation to create a metric for comparison over time.

It provides a way to measure progress by comparing your current state to past states.

one person who lived it

Share the cost of dates rather than having one person pay everything.

It helps considerably.

one person who lived it

Fly kites with a partner; one couple found it fun and memorable.

one person who lived it

Plant a small garden in summer to share fresh herbs, vegetables, fruits, or cut flowers.

It saves money on groceries and provides thoughtful gifts.

one person who lived it

Notice and comment on minute details about a woman's well-being that others might miss.

People appreciate when someone notices things that generally go unnoticed.

one person who lived it

Volunteer together, especially at food banks during wet or snowy seasons.

They usually need extra hands, it is often miserable weather, and it is nice for the community.

one person who lived it

If you cannot cook together, cook separately or take turns.

Cooking as separately as possible makes the process smoother for some couples.

one person who lived it

Focus on shared experiences over expensive dinners.

People may remember expensive dinners for a year, but they remember experiences forever.

one person who lived it

Designate one partner as the helper (sous chef) while the other leads the cooking to streamline the process.

It allows the leader to direct specific tasks quickly without conflict over methods.

one person who lived it

Play Bananagrams instead of Scrabble to create your own personal board and avoid direct competition with opponents' words.

It is faster and more engaging than Scrabble.

one person who lived it

Distinguish stinginess from frugality by focusing on effort rather than just cost.

Stingy is doing nothing or eating fast food; frugal is cooking nicely or finding fun free activities.

one person who lived it

Plan an activity-based first date to generate natural conversation topics and gauge how the other person responds to changes.

It provides conversation topics even if there are no common interests and allows you to see how they handle sudden plan changes.

one person who lived it

Use cooking together to judge long-term domestic compatibility, such as cleanliness standards and skill levels.

It reveals future dynamics, such as whether one partner will do all the cooking or if the other is an impossible perfectionist about cleaning.

one person who lived it

Turn to friends, family, or a therapist for guidance and support when facing difficulties.

4 people, independently

Chuckling off minor mistakes during kissing to lighten the moment.

it'll lighten up the moment

one person who lived it

Cultivate knowledge and interesting conversation topics relevant to your target audience.

Knowing much about topics a partner cares about can make you interesting to talk to.

one person who lived it

Slide a simple game like tic-tac-toe or hangman to a classmate during lecture to create a low-pressure opportunity for conversation afterward.

It allows interaction without speaking and opens up a chance for conversation later.

one person who lived it

Develop an intense interest in a hobby to become more engaging.

3 people, independently

Stargaze when the weather is cooperative.

It is extremely frugal.

one person who lived it

Initiate conversation by asking for someone's opinion on a shared activity or object, such as a painting.

This approach is more manageable.

one person who lived it

Keep conversations going by asking simple questions about daily life, movies, or future plans.

3 people, independently

Incorporate music into your routine for its therapeutic benefits.

Music can be therapeutic.

one person who lived it

Try new activities and social settings if what you have been doing is not working.

You have nothing to lose.

one person who lived it

Get a job to help get out of your shell and interact with society.

One person reported it helped them get out of their shell.

one person who lived it

Join coed clubs or hobbies to interact with men in low-pressure settings.

It can work wonders.

one person who lived it

Make male friends first to naturally expand your social circle.

It is considered the first step, which may be easier if you are kind.

one person who lived it

Join local activities, clubs, or groups such as singles hiking to meet people in person, rather than relying on dating apps.

Dating apps are described as superficial and a terrible way to meet people.

• One person joined meetup groups but was too anxious to attend them.

one person who lived it

• Meet people in person rather than relying solely on online dating apps.1
• Use online tools to find clubs or meetups for general socializing as an alternative to dating apps.1

Create your own club or social group if existing options are poor.

3 people, independently

Join clubs, teams, or co-ed sports to meet people outside of class settings.

It provides an opportunity to meet people where you might otherwise meet none, such as in engineering classes.

one person who lived it

Take up activities with friends to meet potential partners naturally.

Potential partners are out there and can be met by going out and doing things.

one person who lived it

Actively put yourself in situations to meet new people and make efforts to break out of your comfort zone.

9 people, independently

Suggest meeting at a public place with low commitment, like a coffee shop, to talk and hang out.

Coffee allows you to hang out and talk, unlike movies.

one person who lived it

Join hobby groups or take classes to meet single women in social settings.

You will make friends who know single women.

one person who lived it

Join clubs or attend social events to widen your social circle and engage in small talk.

This is like a video game where you gotta grind up some experience.

one person who lived it

• Hone your social skills by conversing with people who are not potential dating targets.4
• Enhance social skills by joining offline or online community groups and talking with many people.3

Join activities or clubs that skew female or have balanced gender ratios, such as dance studios, to meet women organically.

Some venues, like dance studios, often have a shortage of male participants.

one person who lived it

Search for your area name plus 'hiking' to find hikers' blogs or Facebook groups.

You can probably find relevant communities this way.

one person who lived it

Cultivate friendships with women who may introduce you to potential partners within their social circle.

Female friends often think about matching up their male friends with people they know.

one person who lived it

Identify the specific traits you value in a partner to determine which social environments are most likely to contain people with those traits.

Knowing what you want helps you figure out where to find them.

one person who lived it

Do activities you enjoy to meet like-minded people rather than actively hunting for romance.

The girl you might be more interested in may not be the one who approaches you.

one person who lived it

Pick up new social hobbies like language classes, cooking, or volunteering to meet like-minded people.

One person found these activities led to great friendships and dates.

one person who lived it

Join group activities such as church, study groups, or fitness classes to meet people; note that gym attendance may also help with posture and physique.

It helps with meeting people and potentially improving posture and physique.

one person who lived it

Find hobbies that involve interacting with people your own age to meet them naturally and without pressure.

Shared hobbies are an easy way to get to know someone interesting.

one person who lived it

Take walks in interesting spaces like museums, parks, or street festivals to avoid face-to-face awkwardness.

It reduces the pressure of sitting face-to-face and lets the environment provide conversation prompts.

2 people, independently

Introduce yourself early in the school year when everyone is nervous and looking for friendly conversation.

It is the easiest time because nobody knows anyone yet.

one person who lived it

If you know a person's hobbies or interests, use that knowledge to start a conversation by suggesting an event related to those topics.

It is easier to build comfort with existing knowledge about the person.

one person who lived it

• Start conversations by identifying common interests such as neighborhood, school, hobbies, or music taste.4

Join university clubs related to hobbies like video games to socialize.

You can meet girls there who share those interests.

one person who lived it

Practice asking people to hang out in low-stakes environments, such as morning teas with coworkers, before attempting it in mixed-response real-world scenarios.

It provides plenty of positive responses for practice.

one person who lived it

Join a cooking class to place yourself in an easier situation for chatting with people.

It provides a simpler context for conversation compared to other settings.

one person who lived it

Use shared interests like starting a band as a low-pressure way to spend time and gauge attraction.

one person who lived it

Seek friends through shared hobbies or third-party locations rather than relying on workplace proximity.

Work friendships are often based on proximity rather than shared interests.

one person who lived it

Put yourself in social situations and stay open to opportunities instead of staying home, as positive connections require exposure.

Staying at home prevents miracles or new partners from appearing.

one person who lived it

Seek out social circles, hobby spaces, or events where there is a pre-existing filter for compatibility.

Deeper bonds are more likely to form in familiar environments with existing filters.

one person who lived it

Engage actively with others through conversation and shared activities like hiking or rock climbing, accepting failure as part of the learning process.

You cannot meet people if you remain isolated.

one person who lived it

Take up bouldering or rock climbing to meet potential partners in that community.

Climbing gyms are described as easy places to meet men and specific subcultures.

2 people, independently

Approach people in settings where socializing is already expected, such as bars, parties, or online meetups.

You have better chances in these environments; otherwise, leave people be.

one person who lived it

Start interactions with simple greetings in shared spaces, such as saying 'hi' in class.

Genuine physical human interaction is enduring.

one person who lived it

Offer a mix of activities: classic conversation-promoting options like dinner, interactive games like mini golf or escape rooms for shy people, or free nature walks.

Interactive games help shy people express themselves easily.

one person who lived it

Join a local men's group to appreciate, understand, and connect with other men.

one person who lived it

Attend recurring group activities repeatedly to build familiarity and comfort with others.

Repetition allows people to get to know you and become comfortable around you.

one person who lived it

Join structured activities like cooking classes, hiking groups, or volunteer work instead of approaching strangers randomly.

Conversations flow naturally when you are doing something together.

one person who lived it

Consider moving to a bigger city once settled in your career to expand dating options exponentially.

one person who lived it

Start practicing social interaction regularly.

Repeated practice leads to improvement.

3 people, independently

Focus on practicing conversation and building friendships over dating concerns.

3 people, independently

Participate in book clubs or library events to interact with people over shared stories and interpretations.

Discussing likes, dislikes, and interpretations of a story is very interactive.

one person who lived it

Invite someone to a specific, low-pressure activity related to a shared interest, such as watching a show or going for a walk.

3 people, independently

Pivot your head every four or five kisses.

To avoid getting a sore neck.

one person who lived it

Briefly look at the other person's lips while ensuring they see it, then return your gaze to their eyes.

Works wonders.

one person who lived it

• Briefly glance at the other person's lips before saying goodbye; if they look back at your lips, it is a good sign.1

Ensure lips are moist but not wet, make eye contact, smile, look at their lips then back up, tilt your head slightly, give a light kiss, and pull back to smile.

To avoid sloppiness.

one person who lived it

Smile instead of staring blankly when making eye contact with someone you like.

Staring with a blank face is more creepy.

one person who lived it

Pay close attention to the other person's body language to gauge their interest.

If they are interested and want the interaction, it is much less likely they will think you are creepy.

one person who lived it

Flirt back if you think someone is flirting with you, as this can trigger them to become more interested.

It can be a self-fulfilling prophecy where mutual interest grows from the tension of uncertainty.

one person who lived it

Use a shoulder tap to get someone's attention in loud environments; it is generally considered normal and non-sexual.

It is 100% okay to use a shoulder tap in a loud place; the shoulder is fine compared to touching the small of the back or waist.

one person who lived it

Initiate physical contact only when it feels natural and away from an audience, such as parents, who may find it awkward or stressful to watch.

Having an audience can make it odd, and partners may be stressed or find it awkward knowing their parents are watching.

one person who lived it

Observe if a potential partner scoots closer or asks you to move closer to gauge romantic interest.

She will do this if she likes you.

one person who lived it

Look for mirroring of posture and mannerisms as a sign of subconscious liking.

People subconsciously copy the body language of those they like.

one person who lived it

Recognize that your body language, such as how you look at someone, laugh at their jokes, or touch them, may reveal romantic interest even if you claim to only want friendship.

These behaviors make it obvious to others that you like the person, causing them to act accordingly.

one person who lived it

Make eye contact and smile first; approach only if she reciprocates to avoid making her uncomfortable.

Reciprocal eye contact and smiling indicate it is okay to approach without causing discomfort.

• Do not approach if she does not look at you.

2 people, independently

Be skeptical that common friendly behaviors indicate romantic interest.

One person reports doing these things with people they are just being friendly with.

one person who lived it

Look for signs of interest such as personal questions, compliments, and noticeably more attention compared to how they treat others.

These behaviors indicate they may be flirting or looking for more.

2 people, independently

Smile to appear friendly and open, friendly and open.

A smile transforms your face instantly; without it, people may misinterpret your expression as anger or hostility.

one person who lived it

Recognize that playful or friendly behavior may be a person's natural personality rather than romantic interest.

Friendly platonic interactions can resemble flirting, and people may unintentionally project a flirty demeanor.

3 people, independently

Smile and be friendly, recognizing that men may interpret this friendliness as flirting.

Men often confuse friendliness with flirting.

one person who lived it

Signal your attraction through flirting or direct expression rather than waiting passively.

Without a sign, potential partners may assume you only want to be friends.

one person who lived it

While looking into someone's eyes, slowly bite your lower lip; avoid biting your upper lip.

Biting the upper lip may result in a confused reaction.

one person who lived it

Do not read too much into single emojis without additional context or consistent flirting patterns.

Some people use default emojis to signal they aren't being serious, and assigning meaning to short texts is generally unhelpful.

one person who lived it

Maintain eye contact but avoid being intense or staring continuously.

There is a balance between showing interest and being creepy.

one person who lived it

Express interest without over-explaining or managing the other person's comfort too much.

Sexual tension often comes from this directness; simple actions like holding eye contact longer or teasing instead of reassuring can help.

one person who lived it

Use words like 'cute' to elevate an interaction beyond a stranger-to-stranger dynamic.

It displays a desire to move the experience beyond platonic levels.

one person who lived it

Test romantic interest by flirting slightly and observing if the other person reciprocates.

If someone really likes you, they will make it easy to be around them.

one person who lived it

View flirting as a playful, emotional 'Child-Child' state interaction rather than a serious Adult-Adult exchange.

Flirting is characterized as playful and non-serious, contrasting with the seriousness of long-term relationships.

one person who lived it

Recognize that flirting exists in levels and does not automatically signal attraction.

Some types of banter considered flirting by others may just be normal interaction for some people.

one person who lived it

Test for empathy and interest by yawning while the other person is watching; if they yawn back, it indicates interest.

Yawning in return suggests spring empathy and interest.

one person who lived it

Look for frequent and lingering eye contact as a potential sign of romantic interest.

Lingering eye contact is considered a good sign of interest.

one person who lived it

Do not interpret nice gestures from a friend as romantic interest.

Such actions often just indicate good friendship rather than a desire for a romantic relationship.

one person who lived it

Do not interpret dilated pupils as a reliable sign of attraction, as they can be natural or caused by other factors.

One person naturally has huge pupils which others mistakenly interpreted as interest when there was none.

one person who lived it

Flirt back subtly to test for reciprocal interest before making a direct move.

4 people, independently

Avoid averting your eyes during interaction to prevent appearing cold or uninterested.

Averting eyes can make a person look cold and uninterested.

one person who lived it

Avoid kissing on the forehead early in a relationship, as it implies a level of intimacy and familiarity reserved for established partnerships.

Forehead kisses imply the person is very important and suggest a level of familiarity found in established relationships.

one person who lived it

Integrate casual physical touch, such as holding hands or playful brushes, when together.

3 people, independently

Do not send messages listing body parts after only a week of knowing someone.

It crosses the line of overdoing it.

one person who lived it

Back off if the other person says no or looks uncomfortable.

To avoid being a creep.

one person who lived it

Drop the act and show your true self to avoid appearing boring.

Being too shy or careful can make you seem boring rather than cool.

one person who lived it

Ask directly for a clear answer instead of relying on hints.

Hints are just hints and do not provide clarity.

one person who lived it

• Be direct rather than dropping hints.1

Be cautious of people who become angry when you protect a friend's privacy.

Getting angry about this is a big red flag.

one person who lived it

Be upfront with people about your feelings to avoid playing games as you get older.

People appreciate it.

one person who lived it

Be honest and respectful in dating rather than playing games; if you are called clingy for being direct, accept it to maintain your integrity.

You may find happiness sooner than those who play games.

• Some people prioritize sex over feelings.

one person who lived it

Take up brief conversations with men to see if they reveal bigoted views early on.

Proudly bigoted people often talk about it within five minutes.

one person who lived it

Limit talking about school or work topics on early dates.

Those topics belong in class or work settings.

• Occasional jokes about professors are fine.

one person who lived it

Be direct and straightforward about your interest instead of beating around the bush.

It prevents misinterpretation and appeals to those who dislike indirectness.

• Some believe this style leads to higher odds of rejection.

3 people, independently

• State your desires, requirements, and objectives plainly to a prospective partner rather than using hints.3
• Be direct in communication.1
• Be direct about wanting to get coffee without adding polite disclaimers that it isn't a date.1
• Be direct instead of insinuating to avoid communication failure.1

Seek out more mature friends who do not repeatedly bring up your single status, as constant commentary on this topic is immature behavior.

Constant commentary on single status is not something mature adults typically say.

• Assumes your current friends are around 25 years old.

one person who lived it

Vary your greetings by using phrases like 'Hey,' 'How have you been?' or 'How’s business?' instead of repeating a single phrase.

To avoid appearing robotic or obsessive.

one person who lived it

Be honest about your intentions early to avoid ghosting or leading someone on.

Nothing is worse than talking to someone and then ghosting them when they think you want more.

one person who lived it

• State clearly from the start that you are not looking for friendship to avoid misleading others.1

Do not hit on staff at places you frequent, as they cannot leave and it creates an awkward or unsafe situation for them.

Staff members are in a position where they cannot leave regardless of how unsafe they feel.

one person who lived it

View mean comments from others as an exposure of their negativity rather than a reflection of your worth.

Decent people do not say mean things.

one person who lived it

Avoid framing hangouts as repayment for favors or gifts.

The other person may not want the interaction to feel like a debt that needs repaying.

one person who lived it

Share the conversational load by asking questions or giving compliments.

Conversations may become easier and more genuine when the load is split.

one person who lived it

Be honest and avoid sugarcoating yourself when meeting people.

It is more attractive, even if the truth feels cringe.

one person who lived it

Say 'Hi' in a cool, neutral tone.

A high-pitched voice sounds needy, while a low voice sounds indifferent.

one person who lived it

Be friendly and cool with staff rather than trying to look tough or bragging about sexual prowess.

Trying to look tough makes you appear as though you are trying to be someone you are not.

one person who lived it

Tell friends if their detailed stories about sex are off-putting to you.

If someone were speaking in a way that was off-putting to you, you would likely want them to tell you.

one person who lived it

Tell matches you hate texting and prefer voice calls to cut out time wasters.

Texting is a game; this approach avoids ego-massagers and filters for those willing to have a real conversation.

one person who lived it

Display a real personality without trying to act superior or coarse, as these behaviors are major turn-offs.

Acting better than others or being coarse is a major turn off.

one person who lived it

Do not plan or force a kiss, especially as a greeting; try to be in the moment instead.

Planning makes things harder, forces awkwardness, and creates pressure.

one person who lived it

Be transparent about finances, as hiding things is what will make someone run.

Transparency is just being an adult.

one person who lived it

Be patient, nice, and respectful when messaging, but remain cautious because many people lie about their age or appearance and some are trolls.

Being respectful goes a long way to eventually get a response.

• Many people lie online, including using old or filtered pictures.
• Some users are trolling.

one person who lived it

Distinguish between being 'nice' (agreeable) and 'kind' (benevolent); be kind but not naive.

People like genuinely kind people.

one person who lived it

Choose a setting like a museum where silence is acceptable.

Not talking isn't weird if you don't like the other person, creating a win-win situation.

one person who lived it

Be cautious of men who casually admit to being an 'asshole,' as complacency in this admission often confirms it.

Complacency in the admission often confirms the behavior.

• Based on two instances reported by one person.

one person who lived it

Frame the invitation as sharing an experience rather than asking for a favor.

It signals that you are secure and generous, not needy.

one person who lived it

Do not send long unsolicited audio messages to acquaintances.

Most women would find a 45-minute audio weirding.

one person who lived it

Cultivate a 'confident good fellow' vibe by being well-mannered, respectable, and having your life sorted.

This is perceived as cooler than 'bad boy' vibes.

one person who lived it

Send the first text message on the same day you meet to anchor the conversation while impressions are fresh.

Impressions are forgettable, so waiting too long causes them to fade.

one person who lived it

Do not show up unannounced at someone's home or wait for them at their usual locations.

It is considered creepy and unwanted.

one person who lived it

Trust your gut if a social situation feels weird, even if others act like it is normal.

Others may overlook strange behavior due to charm, friendliness, or desperation for normalcy.

one person who lived it

Move on if the other person does not engage in conversation after a period of trying.

Find somebody that will engage with you.

one person who lived it

Stop pretending to share a partner's hobbies or agreeing with all their opinions just to avoid being boring.

Pretending to share interests makes you come across as uncomfortable or bored.

one person who lived it

Avoid displaying desperation because people can sense it.

People can sense desperation.

one person who lived it

Ask directly if someone likes you rather than assuming they do not, acknowledging that this carries risks.

Our brains interpret messages to suit our expectations, leading to misinterpretation even of clear signals.

• The other person may respond with uncertainty ('I'm not sure').
• This approach can destroy the friendship.

one person who lived it

Carry your own water bottle instead of visiting a cafe solely to get free water.

It avoids the appearance of loitering or being weird.

one person who lived it

Interpret vague promises like 'sometime' as a polite no.

The person is likely trying to sound nice rather than making a genuine commitment.

one person who lived it

Avoid roleplay actions like '[waves!]' in messages.

The roleplay talk doesn't work.

one person who lived it

Avoid coming on too strong, staring, or letting an overt agenda be felt when talking to strangers.

Undertones of an agenda and creepy stares keep people uninterested.

2 people, independently

Be upfront about ending a relationship rather than breaking up indirectly to avoid hurting the other person.

Pretending you are doing it for their good is not helpful; people prefer to be told directly that they are no longer interested.

one person who lived it

Avoid using sexual innuendo or pickup lines in response to complaints about weather or moods.

It is perceived as dumb and banal, serving as an immediate negative signal.

one person who lived it

Prefer receiving a direct 'no' immediately over being played around with.

One person on the receiving side stated this preference.

• Based on one person's experience

one person who lived it

Play it cool and avoid accusing a shy partner of dry texting, as this can make you appear needy or emotionally unstable.

Pressure can worsen the situation for shy people; keeping things light reduces stress.

one person who lived it

Strike up conversations with zero intention of sleeping with or dating the person.

Being authentic allows things to naturally align over time.

one person who lived it

Firmly tell the person that their behavior is making you uncomfortable.

5 people, independently

Verify the identity of someone responding to an anonymous missed connection post before meeting.

To ensure it is actually them and not someone playing a joke.

one person who lived it

Have difficult conversations directly to clarify expectations and gain closure.

Being straightforward about what you want and what you won't accept allows you to move on without hidden agendas.

one person who lived it

Focus on doing activities rather than talking when facing a language barrier.

Talking can feel less important when having fun through activities, and talk itself is described as overrated.

one person who lived it

Avoid qualifying your interest by calling it a 'weird question'; use neutral or positive language instead.

Qualifying your question as weird sounds weak.

one person who lived it

Playfully engage with uncertain comments by asking for further information to 'call the bid'.

The person revealing information is likely hoping you will ask for more details.

one person who lived it

Do not send inappropriate images, such as dick pictures, when initiating contact.

it never goes well

one person who lived it

Cultivate authentic kindness without ulterior motives or expectations of reward.

Genuine kindness is attractive; deliberate behavior with ulterior motives is manipulation.

one person who lived it

Specify the activity when asking if someone is free to avoid awkwardness.

Asking without specifying the event can lead to awkward situations if they are only interested in certain things.

one person who lived it

Avoid using scripts when approaching strangers, as it appears unnatural and creepy.

Following a script is unnatural and creepy.

one person who lived it

Use funny, weird, or jokey comments to diffuse tension in dry text exchanges.

Humor signals that the interaction is easy-going and removes pressure to perform.

one person who lived it

Do not feel obligated to keep a text conversation if you do not enjoy it.

You are not required to sustain engagement if it is not mutually fulfilling or desired.

one person who lived it

Avoid telling others that you feel deeper than them, as it comes across as arrogant and invalidates their unknown struggles.

You do not know if your assessment is true, and you cannot see what others are suffering through privately.

one person who lived it

Play dumb and ask for clarification when receiving inappropriate comments to force the person to repeat or explain themselves.

The person may become confused and embarrassed having to repeat a rude comment.

one person who lived it

Text her acting like you usually do to resolve awkwardness caused by silence.

The lack of communication is what makes the situation awkward.

one person who lived it

Understand that dry texting may stem from shyness, quietness, or a defense mechanism against over-investment.

Some people are raised to be reserved or protect themselves from getting burned by investing too much too soon.

one person who lived it

Use text messages to schedule in-person dates rather than exchanging life stories or asking many questions.

4 people, independently

Focus on FaceTime or in-person meetings over texting to better understand someone and avoid misinterpretation caused by non-verbal communication limits.

Texting is non-verbal and can be a root cause of problems.

one person who lived it

• Save meaningful conversations for in-person dates instead of texting.1

Improve your listening skills and avoid being argumentative in conversations.

Being argumentative suggests poor listening skills and is a major turnoff for most women.

one person who lived it

Reply to messages quickly to show interest.

It shows you're interested.

one person who lived it

Ensure the text conversation is two-sided by avoiding one-sided questioning where the other person gives only short answers.

Do not overwhelm the other person.

one person who lived it

• Ask open-ended, fun, low-stakes questions (like 'would you rather') to encourage longer responses.1

State clearly at the beginning of an interaction that you are only interested in friendship with no romantic feelings or attraction.

Most misunderstandings occur when expectations are not stated early.

one person who lived it

Be explicit about your intentions in social interactions to prevent others from misinterpreting them.

People often read strange meanings into ambiguous social cues.

one person who lived it

Offer sincere praise without seeking any reward.

3 people, independently

When a potential partner gives guarded or vague answers about their mood, ask specific follow-up questions to encourage deeper conversation.

Guarded answers are often used when people lack common ground; asking specifics helps find it.

one person who lived it

Cultivate kindness, honesty, listening skills, affection, and communication as valuable traits to offer.

These are amazing things to offer.

one person who lived it

Use a customer service smile in real life interactions.

It is extremely effective.

one person who lived it

Propose specific activities like dinner or coffee instead of using vague phrases like 'go out with me' to demonstrate adult confidence.

Specific plans signal confidence and maturity, whereas vague requests resemble childish behavior.

one person who lived it

Put effort into listening and showing engagement.

Apathy is unattractive.

one person who lived it

Apologize briefly for any cringy or needy behavior toward a coworker and immediately drop the subject to preserve the professional relationship.

This prevents being branded as creepy and saves the professional dynamic.

one person who lived it

Leave online communities that promote toxic garbage or disinformation about gender dynamics.

Even people in self-improvement threads avoid such toxic content.

one person who lived it

Have a direct conversation about exclusivity and mutual feelings rather than letting the relationship status emerge ambiguously.

To prevent stupid drama and broken hearts over ambiguous status.

one person who lived it

Listen actively, let others finish speaking, ask questions, and show genuine interest instead of dominating the conversation.

Great listeners and engagers are rare.

one person who lived it

• Practice active listening by asking about people's interests and allowing them to speak about themselves.3

Maintain your inherent warmth and friendliness without apologizing, accepting that any misinterpretation by others is their responsibility.

Remaining authentic is described as the only way to find true freedom; people unfamiliar with genuine attention may incorrectly assume a hidden reason for it.

one person who lived it

Keep text communication minimal and functional for casual sexual encounters, limiting messages to setting up plans.

FWBs don't really text outside of logistics, especially if boundaries were set clearly.

one person who lived it

Respect others' feelings, space, and desires, particularly when you lack full information or are outside a defined relationship.

It improves all your relationships.

one person who lived it

Be playful and avoid overthinking flirting.

Overthinking is counterproductive to playfulness.

one person who lived it

Communicate your intentions clearly, confidently, and without ambiguity.

It is described as a truly sexy trait.

one person who lived it

Avoid overthinking minor interactions or seeking validation for every message sent.

Worrying too much makes the behavior seem desperate.

one person who lived it

Do not engage in 'nice guy' behavior where you hide your true emotions to gain favor.

Authenticity is more respectful and less confusing than hidden agendas.

one person who lived it

Display an easygoing, playful, or silly demeanor to appear more approachable.

Showing your playful side helps overcome the barriers of shyness or introversion.

one person who lived it

Keep responses simple and avoid unnecessary playful add-ons unless the vibe clearly supports it.

Overcomplicating responses can come off as weird or like you're overcompensating.

one person who lived it

Be honest about your intentions instead of pretending not to understand romantic advances.

Pretending not to understand can upset the other person.

one person who lived it

Send brief, sincere texts to coworkers expressing appreciation for their work, ensuring the tone is neutral and free of excessive punctuation to avoid appearing flirtatious.

Such messages are acceptable and typically not assumed to be flirtatious if worded properly.

one person who lived it

Wear headphones to appear closed-off and signal unavailability.

Some women find this somewhat useful.

one person who lived it

Focus on shared human emotions, thoughts, and sensations rather than differences when connecting with people who seem different.

one person who lived it

Avoid sharing personal information with people who exhibit aggressive or persistent behavior, as it may indicate stalking tendencies.

one person who lived it

Ask the person directly about confusing behaviors instead of seeking validation from others.

one person who lived it

Live in or move to a walkable city with parks and museums to help with low-cost socializing.

These environments provide pockets for socializing where you can spend little to nothing.

one person who lived it

Visit your local library's site to find free or cheap zoo and museum passes, or events they host.

4 people, independently

Browse bookstores or record stores.

They are great date places.

one person who lived it

Participate in outdoor scavenger hunts that require trekking across the city to solve puzzles.

Team building and working on trust are very important.

one person who lived it

Visit vintage stores or swap meets together to browse used goods.

It is enjoyable and a good way to spend time if you enjoy discovering secondhand apparel or collectibles.

3 people, independently

Accept that poverty limits access to social environments where peers are typically met, such as clubs, bars, events, and colleges.

These places often require money to enter.

one person who lived it

Suggest low-cost activities like walking in parks, visiting bookstores, or volunteering at an animal shelter.

Many people would be happy with these simple options.

one person who lived it

Skip movies entirely on early dates in favor of activities that allow talking, such as mini-golf, museums, or conservatories.

Movies offer no talking or interacting, so you learn nothing about each other; other options provide better opportunities for connection.

2 people, independently

Buy simple, cheap hobby equipment instead of expensive gear to avoid overspending on hobbies you may not enjoy.

one person who lived it

Attend free university recitals, particularly in music departments.

They are often performed by excellent grad student musicians.

one person who lived it

Seek out free community events such as outdoor movies, festivals, or museum days to date affordably.

3 people, independently

Trim body hair instead of shaving if you have skin prone to irritation.

Shaving damages the skin barrier function by causing micro tears and irritation, whereas trimming can produce a cleaner result for sensitive skin.

one person who lived it

Recognize that professional massages may include glute massage and removal of underwear if consent is explicitly asked and given.

Glutes can get tight, and removing underwear prevents oil from making them dirty.

• If it makes you uncomfortable, it made you uncomfortable.
• Some people have a hard time holding boundaries or saying no.

one person who lived it

Clean your home, specifically the bathroom, before having a date over.

The guest should be impressed by you taking care of your place.

one person who lived it

• Shower well and clean yourself thoroughly before going on a date.1

Use less cologne or switch to unscented products.

Strong fragrances can be overwhelming and put people off.

one person who lived it

Shower and ensure you are clean, neat, and smelling good before a date.

To avoid body odor, such as smelly balls, which may go unnoticed by you but is off-putting.

one person who lived it

Maintain basic hygiene by cleaning your nails, brushing your teeth, and flossing.

Dirty hands and bad breath are undesirable; flossing can help even if brushing alone does not eliminate bad breath.

one person who lived it

Clean your ears before a date.

Earwax is unappealing regardless of gender.

one person who lived it

Wear clean, well-fitting clothes that make you feel comfortable to boost confidence.

gives you confidence

one person who lived it

Prepare physically before a date by getting a good haircut, wearing neat casual clothes, showering thoroughly to remove dead skin and odor, and using deodorant.

A good haircut can do wonders.

one person who lived it

Drink water before and during alcohol consumption.

It prevents thirst-driven drinking, increases charisma through hydration, and slows intoxication.

one person who lived it

Maintain basic grooming: shower, use deodorant, and wear clean clothes that fit.

3 people, independently