Elderly care
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Listen patiently when older relatives repeat stories, acting as if hearing them for the first time.
Repetition helps keep their memory active and makes them happy; it also alleviates loneliness.
- Stop them if they spiral into sad stories or become bothersome.
5 people, independently
- Listen attentively when elderly relatives retell familiar stories and ask follow-up questions to uncover new details or deeper context.3
Do what you want despite fear of disapproval, recognizing that to others, you are just another person whose opinion they don't obsess over.
Everyone else views you as just 'that someone' whose approval doesn't matter to them.
one person who lived it
Film video interviews of chats with grandparents to create lasting memories.
It is fun and provides great memories after they are gone.
one person who lived it
Write handwritten letters to older relatives and friends.
Older people value the personal effort and sentiment of handwritten notes.
- Young people may not appreciate handwritten letters as much as older people do.
- Ensure your handwriting is readable to avoid causing stress for the reader.
one person who lived it
Take as much time as allowed to think before acting to avoid rash decisions.
3 people, independently
Record oral histories from elderly relatives using a smartphone or voice recorder before they pass away.
5 people, independently
Bring your dog or cat to visit nursing home residents.
Residents often love the interaction.
one person who lived it
Ask elderly relatives about specific aspects of daily life in the past, such as grocery stores, food, or clothing, to gather concrete historical details.
Answers to questions about regular days are often more interesting than those about big life moments.
one person who lived it
Accept that some elderly relatives may not remember significant historical events or topics like segregation, often preferring to repeat mundane recent anecdotes instead.
Memory deterioration or lack of attention at the time may prevent recall of major events, leading to repetitive storytelling about trivial matters.
one person who lived it
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Older parents should stop treating grown adult children like obligated listeners; relationships require work to maintain.
You aren't owed a relationship.
one person who lived it
Discuss potential relationship issues like children, location, and in-laws during dating to ensure long-term compatibility.
one person who lived it
If an elderly maker has physical limitations like arthritis, spend time with them by directing the process or doing the labor yourself rather than asking them to produce items.
one person who lived it