Emotional regulation
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Set a safe word with your partner that signals they are overwhelmed; stop immediately without argument when it is used.
It allows respectful communication that the conversation is no longer productive.
3 people, independently
Recognize that anger is often a secondary emotion masking underlying feelings, and ask yourself what primary feeling caused it.
Anger is likely covering up other emotions.
4 people, independently
Understand the reasons behind your lust and love to reduce pain for yourself and others, and recognize emotional drops so they are less frightening.
Knowing why you feel these emotions helps reduce the chance of causing pain; seeing where an emotional drop occurs reduces fear.
one person who lived it
Refuse to argue or yell back; disengage when you feel angry and postpone the discussion until both parties have taken a breather.
3 people, independently
Use 'I' statements to describe your feelings and the situation rather than accusing the other person.
8 people, independently
Read the book Triggers by David Richo or other titles about emotional regulation.
It really helped me.
one person who lived it
Ask your partner to signal when they are struggling to engage instead of expecting silence or full participation.
One person found this approach helpful in understanding their partner's state.
one person who lived it
If you are upset with your spouse, wait several hours before confronting them.
Waiting prevents emotions from negatively impacting your delivery.
one person who lived it
Visualize losing your partner in a car accident for about 2 minutes to gain perspective on current arguments.
one person who lived it