Supporting someone who is grieving
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Ask friends who are grieving if they prefer company or solitude, instead of guessing their needs based on what you would want.
Your coping style does not necessarily reflect what others need during grief.
3 people, independently
Check in with grieving people on significant dates such as the deceased's birthday or wedding anniversary, as these can be difficult to handle alone.
These dates are tough to handle alone.
4 people, independently
Avoid relying on annual memorial outings or tournaments as lasting tributes.
They often fade by the second year when people have moved on with their lives.
one person who lived it
Keep a journal or list of memories, quotes, and small details about a deceased loved one to preserve specific histories.
It prevents forgetting inside jokes and brings back amazing memories later; one person reported smiling at the notebook two years later.
3 people, independently
Try calling instead of texting if you are not receiving replies to check-ins.
Some people do not like texting.
one person who lived it
Apply these support principles to other major life changes, such as having a baby, noting that intense early attention often fades quickly.
There is usually a couple of weeks of high interest followed by a sudden stop in visits.
one person who lived it
Try sharing a meme instead of basic small talk if you want instant responses from close friends.
Basic small talk often goes unreplied to, while memes get instant responses.
one person who lived it
Send a brief, genuine message of condolence and appreciation to a professor or authority figure who has suffered a loss.
Emphasizing their value shows you were saddened to hear the news because they were important to you.
one person who lived it
Be proactive in checking in with friends and family instead of posting generic offers of support on social media.
Generic posts often don't work and may be done for attention rather than genuine help.
one person who lived it
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Contact friends for reasons other than seeking support to avoid appearing one-dimensional or overly negative.
Constantly sharing negativity can become exhausting.
one person who lived it
Take up volunteering or positive activities to generate uplifting topics for conversation with friends.
Volunteering provides positive experiences to share.
one person who lived it
Compliment all your friends, regardless of their relationship status.
Being in a relationship does not guarantee someone is receiving compliments or free them from insecurity issues.
one person who lived it
Clarify communication expectations with friends who struggle to initiate contact.
Issues may stem from past responsibilities or strict upbringing rather than lack of care.
one person who lived it