Friendships
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Distance yourself from excluding friends and find new social circles that support and welcome you.
These people may not view the friendship the same way, and focusing on priorities and new people helps you stop caring about their exclusion.
- Talking about it seldom goes well.
- Becoming self-aware of the exclusion can make you act in ways that further 'other' you in their minds.
5 people, independently
Pause making plans for a while to see which friends reach out on their own.
It shows who is truly invested and who only hangs around because it is convenient.
3 people, independently
View the end of a friendship as a death and grieve the loss actively.
Grieving is necessary to process the emotions involved.
3 people, independently
Put in active effort for friendships if you want them, since they do not form on their own.
Relationships and friendships require work.
4 people, independently
View the natural fading or ending of friendships as a standard life event, not a personal failing.
People evolve, imperfections surface, and anyone may choose to leave at any moment for whatever cause.
3 people, independently
- Accept that friendships may drift apart due to life changes without assigning blame.15
- Accept that friendships may naturally fade or become less close due to changing priorities, life stages, or loss of interest, and move on to find new relations.1
- Accept that outgrowing some friends is a natural part of self-improvement.4
toxic, friends, friendship, people65
Firmly tell a friend how their behavior makes you feel and end the friendship if they do not stop.
Use the 'gray rock' method by ignoring calls, delaying replies, or pretending insults don't affect you to deprive toxic people of engagement.
Being indifferent gives them nothing to work with.
- Some people may not get the hint and continue messaging incessantly.
6 people, independently
Send a brief message wishing the group well and then cut off all contact.
Exiting the group brings relief and freedom.
one person who lived it
Distance yourself from people who bring out the worst in you to choose peace over chaos.
Moving on from old friends fosters inner peace.
one person who lived it
Recognize that having no friends may be preferable to keeping a harmful one.
5 people, independently
- Prefer being alone over maintaining a friendship with someone harmful.1
- Accept that people who never reach out are not genuine friends, even if it means having no friends rather than dealing with that dynamic.1
- Recognize that ending a friendship with someone who is not a good fit is not burning a bridge because there was no functional bridge to begin with.1
48 more on this
Consider ending friendships where you are consistently the only one reaching out or making plans.
One-sided relationships are not worth it.
5 people, independently
- If a friendship feels one-sided, stop chasing attention and focus on self-respect instead.1
- Do not seek external validation to end a friendship; simply inform the person you are no longer interested and move on.1
- Do not announce you are ending a friendship; simply stop being available for hanging out.3
Leave a friend group if you cannot fulfill your desire to have fun and connect with them.
Realizing you will not get what you want from the friendship allows you to move on.
one person who lived it
Slowly distance yourself from a friend who promises to change but fails to follow through.
You may find yourself happier in the end.
one person who lived it
Do not attempt to 'help' or fix a toxic friend who treats you poorly; remove them from your life instead.
Trying to help allows them to leech off you more; kicking them out is presented as actual help.
one person who lived it
- If you keep trying to change a toxic friend and it ends poorly, accept they likely will not change and end the friendship.1
Do not respond to or address rumors spread by ex-friends; treat it as their problem.
Engaging is like rolling in mud with pigs.
one person who lived it
Walk away from friends who have become content with being negative and boring due to substance use.
They are not worth your time.
one person who lived it
Drop friends who lash out or insult you when you achieve success, as this behavior suggests they want you to fail to feel better about themselves.
Their insecurity drives them to tear you down when you improve.
one person who lived it
Dismiss insults from friends who react poorly to your boundaries as a sign they do not deserve your favors.
They are showing their true colors.
one person who lived it
- Set boundaries and remove friends whose behaviors you cannot tolerate from your sphere of concern.6
Firmly tell a friend how their behavior makes you feel and end the friendship if they do not stop.
7 people, independently
Ignore a gift from an ex-friend if you are not interested in reconciling.
You do not owe them anything.
one person who lived it
Do not re-engage with former toxic friends who claim to have changed, as they often become more subtle rather than genuinely different.
It is usually not worth it because the change is often superficial.
- This applies most of the time.
one person who lived it
Keep friends whose vibes match yours and stop initiating much contact with those who do not reciprocate.
If they don't reciprocate, it is on them.
one person who lived it
- Remove people who do not reciprocate your effort or act like energy vampires from your life.2
- Quit checking up on friends who consistently fail to reciprocate energy and focus on other aspects of life.1
- Focus on yourself and step back from friends who do not initiate or reciprocate contact.2
Do not take exclusion personally, as it is often not about you but about the group's dynamics, cruelty, or cluelessness.
People can be cruel for a chemical brain rush, or adults may quietly exclude those who don't fit in due to being clueless, naive, or odd ones out, usually without ill intention.
2 people, independently
Do not confront friends about exclusion by expressing hurt feelings.
It will not make them care more; they may only hide things better or pay forced attention.
one person who lived it
- Be serious and direct with friends about exclusion immediately to avoid long-term heartache.1
- Avoid confronting friends about exclusion if it will only result in forced attention or hidden behavior.1
Focus on building your own life rather than chasing specific people.
Chasing causes them to leave; building attracts them or leaves you with something valuable regardless.
one person who lived it
Politely decline hangouts with friends who do not respect your non-negotiable needs, such as food allergies.
Friends who cannot respect things you cannot help are not worthy of your time.
one person who lived it
If a friend consistently dumps emotional burdens on you without caring about you, take steps away from them and try to find other friends.
It leaves you not feeling good.
one person who lived it
If someone replaces you, recognize that you are free to replace them and find someone you connect with better.
Being replaced frees you to find a better connection.
one person who lived it
Focus on self-care, school, work, and hobbies over maintaining friendships with unsupportive people.
It allows you to focus on these areas and leads to greater happiness.
one person who lived it
Do not ask friends about exclusive group chats; accept the situation and move on.
Asking is awkward.
one person who lived it
Choose being alone over staying in toxic relationships.
Toxic relationships bring you down and drain your precious energy, whereas being alone preserves it.
one person who lived it
Stop clinging to a relationship that isn't good for you, recognizing that doing so is like 'watering dead grass'.
one person who lived it
Accept that friends who leave after you set boundaries were likely never seeking a real friendship.
Their departure admits they weren't there for a real connection.
one person who lived it
Stay in touch with friends regularly and show them attention to prevent losing touch.
People back off if someone doesn't show interest but respond automatically if they do.
one person who lived it
Hold friends accountable for their actions and stand up for what is right, accepting that they may end the friendship if they reject constructive criticism.
Someone who refuses to deal with you after receiving constructive criticism is not a true friend.
one person who lived it
Stop initiating contact with friends who do not reciprocate, and let them take the lead if they wish to maintain the friendship.
to respect yourself after feeling humiliated and ignored
2 people, independently
Reframe the separation by recognizing that they have left you through exclusion or changed behavior, rather than you leaving them.
This perspective shift addresses the reality that they excluded you or changed their attitude, not you.
one person who lived it
Fade out friendships gradually rather than ending them entirely if you share mutual friends.
To avoid forcing others to choose sides or deciding whether to invite the ex-friend to events.
one person who lived it
Keep a strict separation between the categories of friend, lover, and partner.
To avoid confusion and hurt in these sorts of situations.
one person who lived it
Stop focusing on pleasing others and instead focus on your own happiness and interests to avoid pushing people away.
Focusing too much on others can push them away; keeping it balanced is key.
one person who lived it
Do not put excessive effort, time, or energy into friendships where the other person shows interest but gives nothing in return.
Doing so may cause you to become a doormat for people who accept your interest without reciprocating.
2 people, independently
Explicitly tell friends how their exclusionary behavior makes you feel instead of expecting them to notice your mood.
Friends cannot read minds and may view your silence as a standard weird mood; honesty clarifies things.
one person who lived it
Do not feel responsible for a toxic friend's emotional reaction to your positive life changes.
You are only responsible for yourself and do not owe anyone explanations.
one person who lived it
Do not feel guilty about ending a friendship where you are disregarded or treated poorly.
Such behavior indicates the person is likely a fake friend.
one person who lived it
Reduce communication with excluding friends to a minimum or stop altogether.
You should not force yourself on people.
one person who lived it
Keep friend groups separate if you are moving away from edgy humor to avoid being associated with their awful comments.
Mixing groups risks reflecting poorly on your character due to association.
one person who lived it
Move on from friends who end relationships because they cannot tolerate differing views or let bygones be bygones.
Their inability to accept different opinions is their loss, and you are better off without them.
one person who lived it
One approach that helped: decisively cut off toxic friends and start over; it is difficult initially but pays off.
- It sucks at first.
one person who lived it
Focus your energy on yourself and your own growth to attract positive people, rather than trying to fix toxic ones.
one person who lived it
Frame distancing from friends as needing 'personal time' rather than rejecting them; let annoying contacts catch on gradually while those who matter stick around.
This makes adjustments easier without needing to tell them to go away.
one person who lived it
Ignore awkward or desperate behavior from potential friends if you are not romantically interested, rather than seeking validation to reject them.
You do not need proof to let someone go.
one person who lived it
Leave friendships where you feel constant negativity, are the butt of jokes, or are expected to pay for everything.
one person who lived it
Disengage from people who have a problem with you but refuse to communicate it clearly.
one person who lived it
Maintain connections outside your primary relationship to ensure you have support when conflicts arise.
One person will inevitably irritate you eventually, and relying solely on them leaves you without support.
one person who lived it
Politely ask for an explanation when a friend suddenly ends the relationship; if they refuse to communicate, question their character as a friend.
You deserve an explanation.
one person who lived it
Distance yourself from friends who only want to drink or make last-minute plans without considering your constraints, such as having a newborn or being sober.
one person who lived it
Delete or limit social media usage if it makes you feel like an afterthought or forces you to impose yourself on others' lives to socialize.
one person who lived it
Become self-aware to recognize that you deserve better than toxic relationships.
one person who lived it
accept, friends, friendships, say23
Accept that some friends will stay and others will leave, recognizing this is okay and new connections will form.
Do things and say things because you want to; do not change who you are just to make friends.
Friends who require you to completely change your identity are not worth it.
one person who lived it
Accept that people change over time due to life experiences and growth, and do not expect old friends to remain the same.
Too much time and growth have passed.
one person who lived it
- Accept that changing yourself often requires changing your friends, as old friends may reflect a past version of you that no longer fits.1
Accept that some friends will stay and others will leave, recognizing this is okay and new connections will form.
3 people, independently
Accept that over time, the number of true friends will shrink to a countable few.
Friendships naturally dwindle as time passes.
one person who lived it
18 more on this
Do not expect friends to detect your emotional state if you do not show it outwardly.
Friends may not realize you are upset if you do not look upset.
one person who lived it
Seek friends who are different from you to learn new things and gain diverse perspectives, rather than expecting friends to be exactly like you.
Different friends allow you to grow, learn, and be inspired.
one person who lived it
Recognize that drug use may be a symptom of underlying character issues in friends rather than the cause of their behavior.
Drugs may simply soften filters rather than change people.
one person who lived it
Ask a potentially toxic friend directly and briefly if they are only pretending to be friends for what they can get from you.
Their answer will reveal whether they value the relationship.
one person who lived it
Do not expect friends to change their core lifestyle or schedule to accommodate you indefinitely.
They may not want to change.
one person who lived it
Seek friends who honor commitments and communicate clearly about scheduling conflicts.
This separates real friends from those who do not mean what they say.
one person who lived it
Judge the authenticity of a friendship by observing actions over time rather than relying on initial words.
Actions define who someone is, not what they say they are underneath.
2 people, independently
View the revelation of a friend's true nature as a blessing if it avoids dramatic conflict.
It is preferable to a decrease in faith in humanity than losing friends through heated bridge-burning events.
one person who lived it
Be aware that friends who criticize your close family bonds may be projecting their own jealousy or lack of such relationships.
Many people do not have great family relationships and may not understand or may be jealous of yours.
one person who lived it
Accept that distance and work commitments may limit how often you see close friends.
one person who lived it
Reassess whether you gain anything positive from a friendship where you must walk on eggshells.
3 people, independently
Select new friends based on character and values rather than just personality.
You need people who share your values, have good character, do not participate in mean-spirited gossip, and genuinely celebrate your achievements.
one person who lived it
Consider that a friend's abrupt departure may stem from long-building frustration rather than sudden malice.
Issues often build up over time before erupting.
one person who lived it
Recognize that traveling with friends acts as a pressure cooker that can reveal incompatibilities and end friendships.
It reveals people's true colors.
one person who lived it
Check if specific circumstances like work or family problems are causing a friend's negative behavior.
The behavior might resolve if the root cause is identified.
one person who lived it
Consistently reevaluate the people you surround yourself with as you grow, letting go of friendships that no longer align with your values and beliefs.
one person who lived it
Make overt agreements about expectations in friendships rather than relying on implicit understanding.
This solved relationship issues for one person by establishing a standard agreement for those labeled 'good friend'.
one person who lived it
Reflect on whether your concern about friends' lack of development is actually triggered by your own insecurities.
one person who lived it
friendship, friendships, parties, effort20
Try to contact friends weekly, even if it is only a brief text.
Put down your phone and pursue fulfilling hobbies on your own.
It stops wasting time that could be spent doing things.
one person who lived it
Define what you can offer to benefit the friendship for both parties.
Friendship is a two-way street.
one person who lived it
- Add value to others' lives by hosting parties or taking the lead on planning trips.1
Value people who value you and seek out better company.
You deserve it.
one person who lived it
Show up to gatherings empty-handed and stop buying things or completing tasks for friends.
Your presence is a gift.
one person who lived it
15 more on this
Accept that low-maintenance friendships are valid and enough if they meet your needs for friendly chat.
It is all you can give and all you need in return.
one person who lived it
Get a weekend job to earn pocket money.
Having pocket money is better than having bad friends.
one person who lived it
Be grateful for the time spent with friends who taught you valuable lessons, even if the friendship ends.
They genuinely taught you things about yourself.
one person who lived it
Send memes and funny videos to friends to signal that you are thinking of them.
It helps hold onto friendships from the past.
2 people, independently
Give money to friends as a holiday gift rather than a tip.
Giving a tip can feel demeaning to the equality of the friendship.
one person who lived it
Initiate contact yourself regularly rather than waiting for others.
Mutual waiting can cause friendships to fade as both parties wait for the other to go first.
2 people, independently
Define what type of friendship you seek, such as deep connection or casual fun, before investing effort.
The meaning of 'friend' is subjective and varies between people.
one person who lived it
Actively find friends rather than waiting for them.
Good friends are rare and difficult to find everywhere.
one person who lived it
Embrace silence in friendships as a valid and enjoyable state.
Silence can be enjoyable.
one person who lived it
Try to contact friends weekly, even if it is only a brief text.
3 people, independently
Actively meet people and make an effort to spend time with them, as being nice alone yields no friends.
Passivity results in having no friends regardless of personality.
one person who lived it
Make a point to save time for your friendships.
It is very demotivating when friendship efforts are not reciprocated.
one person who lived it
Consider that 'best friend' is incomplete without 'for'; have different best friends for different things.
one person who lived it
Ensure reciprocity exists in your friendships.
Reciprocity is key.
one person who lived it
Ensure the returns on your friendship investments are roughly equal to the effort you put in.
3 people, independently
uncomfortable, signals, interest, behavior15
Tell friends directly that you are uncomfortable being the target of their jokes and ask them to stop.
Mirror the level of effort and initiation from the other person to gauge their interest in the friendship.
You cannot compel people to spend time they do not wish to; matching energy can reveal whether they are busy or uninvested. Some connections may fade.
- Some relationships have disappeared when doing this.
3 people, independently
Watch for signals like facing you, nodding, or eye contact to judge if someone is interested.
These are good signs of interest.
3 people, independently
Directly tell a friend to wait in the hallway instead of entering your class or standing near your desk because it makes you uncomfortable.
All eyes are on you and you do not like it.
one person who lived it
Assume the simplest explanation, such as a joke or misunderstanding, for ambiguous social cues instead of reading too much into them.
People tend to read too much into scenarios.
one person who lived it
11 more on this
Tell friends directly that you are uncomfortable being the target of their jokes and ask them to stop.
6 people, independently
Wait until a friend who seems cold or annoyed is more inclined to talk rather than forcing a conversation.
They may be dealing with personal problems.
one person who lived it
Self-reflect and ask others for feedback to determine if you are sending the wrong message about your interest level.
You may have given the impression that you are not interested, or your general presence may have been small due to shyness.
one person who lived it
Look for subtle nonverbal signals like lingering eye contact or deliberate physical closeness to detect potential sexual tension.
Men may worry about being creepy, so their signals are often subtle.
- Light drinking can mimic signs of romantic interest.
one person who lived it
Call out inappropriate behavior to identify those with bad intentions.
It helps shine a light on people who aren't really friends or are testing boundaries for unwanted advances.
one person who lived it
Learn to read social cues and rooms to avoid accidentally putting people off or clinging too hard.
Missing social cues can lead to unintentionally repelling others.
one person who lived it
Stop using sarcasm if your friends do not laugh or play along, as their silence signals discomfort.
The lack of laughter or participation indicates that the audience is uncomfortable with the behavior.
one person who lived it
Confirm that everyone involved is comfortable with the specific type of joking before you engage in it.
Humor is subjective and what seems like a joke to one person may alienate another.
one person who lived it
Read the other person's body language and response length to gauge their interest in continuing the conversation.
3 people, independently
Ignore provocative remarks by maintaining composure, smiling slightly, and continuing your activities without reacting.
Reacting shows it affects you; not caring removes the fun for the provocateur.
one person who lived it
Accept that responsive friends who never initiate are likely not bothered by you.
Socially adept people will confront behavior they dislike or cut off interaction entirely if it continues; continued responsiveness indicates you are not bothering them.
one person who lived it
friend, friends7
Look a true friend straight in the eye and tell them that their behavior hurts you and isn't funny.
It can break the habit and save the friendship.
- This may not work for everyone.
one person who lived it
Directly address public shade thrown by a friend.
A real friend would not throw shade publicly.
one person who lived it
Talk more quietly if you tend to speak loudly.
Loud talking can be off-putting to others.
one person who lived it
Focus on telling a friend about harmful public content for their own good, disregarding potential awkwardness.
It is for their own good.
one person who lived it
3 more on this
Confront friends directly about unwanted behavior to reduce its frequency.
One person reported this made the behavior happen a lot less, though it did not stop entirely.
- It may not stop the behavior completely.
one person who lived it
Tell harmless white lies to friends occasionally.
to save many conflicts
one person who lived it
Be direct when addressing friendship issues, but keep the tone light to avoid losing friends.
Talking overly dramatically or indirectly often leads to losing friends.
one person who lived it
people, social, feelings, interest40
Stop comparing yourself to others; focus on becoming the best version of yourself.
Stop trying to fit in or change yourself for people who exclude you.
In genuine friendships, you do not have to try to be anything but yourself.
one person who lived it
Be authentic in social interactions rather than pretending to be someone else.
The 'pretend you' won't normally make lasting relationships.
4 people, independently
- Be completely authentic and do not fake your personality to please others.2
Respond with your true feelings instead of deflecting with jokes when asked how you are.
It strengthens relationships and removes the need to be 'on' all the time.
one person who lived it
Find groups of friends where you can be your authentic self.
It makes a huge difference.
one person who lived it
34 more on this
Laugh at your own social mistakes instead of being self-conscious to encourage others to laugh with you.
When you stop being self-conscious and laugh at yourself, others tend to laugh with you rather than at you.
one person who lived it
Focus on your happiness and ambition over fitting in with friends who stifle your talents.
Stifling yourself to fit in makes you unhappy.
one person who lived it
Spend more time with people who support your growth and make you a better person.
4 people, independently
Stay true to who you are and refuse to let negative attitudes from others sway you.
It provides solace and helps you trust that you will eventually find your people and place.
one person who lived it
Remind yourself that no one is inherently annoying; rather, you are just annoyed, to avoid taking such comments to heart.
It helps you stay chilled out.
one person who lived it
Stop expecting others to spend time with you; instead, be grateful for your own company and share that presence with others.
It leads to greater happiness.
one person who lived it
Listen longer than you speak.
People love to talk about themselves.
one person who lived it
Ignore feedback from people whose counsel you would not normally value.
4 people, independently
Reflect on what details and backstory you want people to know about you, then share those parts.
- One person reported doing this to ensure their version of themselves was known.
one person who lived it
Do not owe anyone an explanation for who you are or what you do.
one person who lived it
Do not focus on one specific person in a group setting; instead, talk to everyone.
Focusing on one person is bound to lead to disappointment.
one person who lived it
Wait two full seconds after the other person finishes speaking before you plan your reply.
3 people, independently
Take genuine interest in other people's interests.
Only then will people take interest in yours.
one person who lived it
Make yourself less available to force others to value your time and attention.
Humans are selfish and their attitude may change once they notice they are getting less of something.
one person who lived it
Stop bending over backwards for everyone; accept that being perceived as difficult is sometimes better than being overly accommodating.
People may view you as a 'sure thing' and fail to invest in you if they can take advantage of your free efforts.
one person who lived it
Mirror the other person's energy and balance the effort you give based on what they are giving you.
3 people, independently
Listen to others with enthusiasm and conscious attention, letting them talk about themselves.
People feel valued when listened to with full interest, which is exciting for the speaker.
one person who lived it
Adopt a fluid social attitude by being friendly with many people without becoming clingy to any single individual.
Social lives naturally change as some people come and others go.
one person who lived it
Develop a deep passion for a specific interest until you become knowledgeable about it.
You will care less about social anxieties, speak more fluently, and attract people who enjoy talking to passionate people.
one person who lived it
Start acting as if the person is your close friend to encourage reciprocal behavior.
Reciprocity is key.
one person who lived it
Acknowledge your own role in communication breakdowns, even if the other party reacted poorly.
Comparing someone's partner to another person in front of them is a misstep.
one person who lived it
Focus on your own satisfaction with your improvements rather than comparing your internal state to others' external success.
External appearances do not reflect internal reality; personal happiness is what matters.
one person who lived it
Cultivate warm, positive, and friendly interactions rather than feigning interest.
People will associate positive feelings with you and like being around you.
one person who lived it
- Show enthusiasm, interest in others, and positivity to make yourself more pleasant to be around.3
Find out a person's interests and talk extensively about those topics.
People love to talk about themselves.
one person who lived it
Verify the source of alarming emails before panicking about accusations.
The email source seems off.
one person who lived it
Share feelings, emotions, and imperfections to show your real self and be accepted.
one person who lived it
Infuse your social interactions with joy, social energy, and playfulness.
It helps make interactions more engaging.
4 people, independently
Be honest with yourself and others to maintain integrity by aligning your feelings with your actions.
one person who lived it
Shift from being defined only by humor to showcasing other interests, like outdoor hobbies, and let friends make jokes without taking offense.
- Friends may still make cracks.
one person who lived it
Prepare to take all software you created with you when leaving a dishonest business partner.
one person who lived it
Stop comparing yourself to others; focus on becoming the best version of yourself.
7 people, independently
Take responsibility for fulfilling your own social needs rather than pressuring others to do so.
one person who lived it
Practice genuine smiles, enthusiastic greetings, compliments, and humor daily in low-stress situations like grocery stores.
Enthusiasm is often missing in self-presentation.
one person who lived it
Read works by Brené Brown or watch her videos to gain useful insights on vulnerability and imperfection.
3 people, independently
plans, ask, activities, invite18
Ask the person directly why you were not invited to an event.
If not invited, do not ask to go; instead use the time for solo hobbies and finding new friends who value your presence.
Asking to join when not invited can make or break friendships; one person lost their friendship multiple times by asking.
- One person's experience: asking led to losing friendships.
one person who lived it
Ask the person directly why you were not invited to an event.
Ruminating and assuming reasons is a big mistake.
5 people, independently
Make firm plans with a specific date, time, and place rather than vague suggestions.
Vague plans make people less likely to be interested or know how to answer.
one person who lived it
Invite another person to group hangouts or spend one-on-one time with each friend individually to strengthen individual bonds.
You may need to bond more with each one.
one person who lived it
14 more on this
Frame one-on-one invitations as low-stakes activities like coffee or walks to reduce pressure.
It prevents the interaction from feeling like a big deal.
one person who lived it
Directly ask friends what is wrong if they consistently refuse or cancel plans, rather than assuming abandonment.
They might not realize there is a problem.
one person who lived it
Explicitly state your desires and ask to hang out, because people cannot read minds.
People aren't mind readers.
one person who lived it
Suggest alternative activities and invite people to do them, accepting that they may or may not accept.
It isn't on them to arrange it; you either get takers or you don't.
one person who lived it
Actively join conversations and initiate interactions instead of sitting silently in the background.
Sitting silently causes you to meld into the background and become invisible.
3 people, independently
Avoid last-minute cancellations of social plans to respect hosts who have already prepared food and effort.
Late bailing is rude and sucks.
one person who lived it
Initiate meetings and plans individually, such as inviting one friend for lunch or dinner, rather than always hanging out as a whole group.
Not initiating sends a message of disinterest; there is no rule requiring you to invite everyone at once.
one person who lived it
Cancel plans ahead of time and follow through on commitments even if inconvenient.
To avoid being seen as unreliable.
one person who lived it
Plan a weekend trip with someone you click with to eliminate distractions and bond through shared logistics.
Discussing directions, food, and activities helps bonding by removing outside distractions.
one person who lived it
Text friends regularly with mundane details and jokes to keep conversations going between meetups.
3 people, independently
Consider getting a second job or volunteering during periods of unemployment or downtime to increase socialization opportunities.
Socialization is the core need addressed by this approach.
one person who lived it
Attend social events alone to enjoy the social energy rather than waiting for others.
one person who lived it
Remind yourself of the end goal when socializing feels inconvenient or exhausting.
Even if initially unwanted or exhausting, meeting up ultimately brings happiness.
one person who lived it
Suggest outdoor activities like hiking, fishing, or camping to shift focus away from games and allow for different conversations.
Doing activities where typical games aren't the focus allows for having different conversations.
one person who lived it
accept, friends9
Find new friends with similar mindsets and maturity levels.
Older friends may not be growing while you are.
one person who lived it
Focus on school and setting yourself up right rather than high school friends.
School affects your life, whereas friends do not; after high school everyone scatters.
one person who lived it
Value friends who stick around throughout the years over those who seem like immediate close friends.
Long-term presence defines closeness more than initial impressions.
one person who lived it
Accept that building meaningful adult connections takes significant time and effort rather than weeks.
One person noted it took two years, not two weeks, to become best friends with someone.
one person who lived it
5 more on this
Reframe the expectation of having a single 'best friend' as unnecessary in adulthood.
Having a couple of close friends without one person to tell everything to does not mean you are missing out.
one person who lived it
Accept that new friends may not be prioritized over long-term friends initially due to established trust and context.
Long-term friends have knowledge and context that helps with planning and are trusted more.
one person who lived it
Accept that spontaneous hangouts often stop after college due to busier schedules and shifted priorities.
Everyone gets busier and priorities shift.
- As long as there is reciprocity and effort, making plans at least annually is acceptable.
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Ensure there are other adults present in mixed-age friend groups to avoid appearing to have ulterior motives.
Being the only adult in a group of younger friends might make it seem like you have hidden agendas.
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Connect with younger acquaintances if you enjoyed their company, prioritizing life stage over age in adulthood.
In adulthood, life stage matters more than age; for example, single people in their 20s and 30s are often at similar stages.
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friendships, friendship, forced, friends16
Withdraw energy from friendships where you bear the entire burden.
Friendship needs mutual effort; expending time and emotion on undeserving people damages mental health.
- Sometimes we have limited options, and no contact can be worse than superficial contact.
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Be aware that spending excessive time with acquaintances due to proximity (like school or work) can create a false sense of friendship.
You may start thinking they are friends when they are only acquaintances at best.
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Use the negativity of former friends as fuel for your success rather than seeking revenge.
It is useless to be upset; success serves as proof enough.
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- Avoid rubbing your success in the faces of former friends who doubted you.1
Pursue friendships even if they involve awkward moments, valuing the friendship over the discomfort.
One hundred awkward moments are worth having a valuable friend.
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Cultivate multiple distinct friend groups so that if one relationship fails or excludes you, you do not feel bereft.
Friends are fluid, especially after college, and relying on one group leaves you vulnerable.
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View each friendship as just one facet of life, like a hobby, rather than the center of existence.
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Recognize that university friendships are often circumstantial and may fade naturally after college ends.
College is an artificial environment for growth; once it ends, people move on to real lives, and those who don't click will branch away.
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Allow friendships to develop naturally rather than forcing or rushing the process.
Best friends build naturally and cannot be forced.
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Accept that friendships often develop organically rather than through forced step-by-step efforts.
Forced efforts can feel exhausting and unnatural, whereas organic connections do not exhaust you.
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- Do not force friendships; if inclusion feels forced, it is not worth the effort.1
Reserve competition for career matters and keep friendships as spaces for authenticity.
Friendship is for being around people without faking anything.
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Treat coworkers as colleagues rather than friends to avoid disappointment and navigate workplace competition.
Workplaces involve competition for promotions, hierarchy, and potential backstabbing, making genuine friendship rare and risky.
- Beautiful friendships can occasionally emerge from coworker relationships, though it is rare.
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Establish friendships first before treating people as friends, rather than expecting reciprocal behavior immediately.
Treating them as friends before they've attained that status means they aren't reciprocating as friends would.
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Take risks and do crazy things with friends outside of mandatory environments to create memorable experiences and inside jokes.
Friendships evolve after having memorable experiences together, not just hanging out.
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Spend time doing activities with acquaintances rather than just catching up to form new memories together.
This elevates relationships from acquaintances to friendships.
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Meet new people by volunteering or joining small communities centered on hobbies you enjoy.
Join a hobby group for something you enjoy to build a friend circle where you do not feel like a floater.
It takes time but leads to greater happiness.
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Actively seek out new friends if you have lost a friend group.
The motivation from the loss and advantages like living in a large city can make this an opportune time to connect.
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Go easy on yourself, work on loving yourself more, and pick up new hobbies while waiting for new friends to appear naturally.
You cannot force friendships to happen.
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- Be sociable and attend events consistently, as closest friendships may take months to form.1
- Focus on engaging in existing hobbies rather than trying to make friends directly, allowing relationships to form naturally in the background.1
Stop depending on a specific friend group; instead, spend time with family, find hobbies, and talk to new people.
You will make new friends again and enjoy life independently.
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Continue trying to hang out with current friends while simultaneously looking for new friends to expand your social circle.
Making new friends may feel terrifying, but it can be worth it in difficult situations.
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Keep trying new people, events, or activities to find shared connections.
You might get some luck.
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Find new hobbies, such as skating, to meet friendly people in community settings like skateparks.
People in these hobby-based communities tend to be friendly if you are friendly first.
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- Meet new people by volunteering or joining small communities centered on hobbies you enjoy.8
Join college clubs and pursue personal interests like exercise or studying to meet friends who value you.
You will meet friends who make previous negative acquaintances seem like strangers.
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Give new friend groups time to accept you and avoid nagging behavior.
Existing members have stronger pre-existing bonds and memories together, and they may be unsure if you will stay.
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Join hobby-based groups such as rock climbing gyms or disc golf communities.
People in these groups are friendly and willing to help beginners.
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Find friends in communities with people near your age who share your interests, rather than staying in groups where you feel excluded or treated as inferior.
Friendship should not be about competition or making you feel like you aren't included.
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Plan group trips with old friends to break down walls naturally by being stuck together in a new place.
Being in a new environment together encourages sharing things not discussed even in childhood.
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Find other people to fulfill your need for belonging if your current group is too preoccupied with each other to provide close relationships.
Your current group cannot fulfill your need for belonging because they are preoccupied with each other.
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Accept that relationships come and go naturally, and focus energy on finding people who actively include you rather than trying to force inclusion in existing groups.
You shouldn't have to beg for inclusion, which indicates a lack of mutual closeness.
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Seek out companions who desire a similar way of living.
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Expand your social horizons by trying to meet new, like-minded people rather than fixating on the strained friendship.
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- Maintain multiple friend groups instead of focusing exclusively on one.5
Focus energy on making new friends in your current environment rather than mourning lost ones.
Investing in new relationships will make you a better person.
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Invite acquaintances over if you feel a natural connection and enjoy their company.
Current best friends often started as strangers who felt an instant magnetic pull.
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Find new friends who are more like you, accepting that moving through different groups is part of finding the right fit.
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If you want low-pressure social connections, become a regular at a cafe or similar spot.
It provides friendly interaction without the expectations of a friend group and helps avoid disappointment.
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Get involved in activities outside of school to meet new people, which helps reduce the impact of inconsistent friendships within your current group.
Finding a new 'group' makes it matter less if existing acquaintances do not maintain consistent contact.
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Make an effort to hang out if you know someone is living near where you will be traveling.
It utilizes proximity to maintain connections despite distance.
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conversation, sharing, deep, personal20
Expose yourself and share private interests to build trust, even though it feels vulnerable.
You cannot become friends if you do not let them know you.
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Talk to a friend about how difficult it is to develop deeper friendships.
Vulnerability leads to closer relationships; surface friends do not know you well.
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Approach a trusted friend who will tell you straight to talk out your concerns about one-sided friendships.
This can lead to more vulnerable conversations and positive development.
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To build true friendships, invite people to hang out one-on-one in a location separate from where you originally met them, rather than relying on group settings.
Group hangouts create a false sense of friendship; genuine bonds form through individual interaction.
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Deepen bonds by sharing your own story, venting, showing emotions, and inviting friends to events.
Sharing your full personality helps avoid being the 'no effort' friend.
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Start with shallow topics to gauge compatibility before progressing to deeper subjects.
You need to get someone's vibe first; you can't just jump right in.
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Consider building strong female friendships if you crave heart-to-heart conversations.
One person reported that female friends were more willing to have deep conversations, which helped their social life tremendously.
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Focus on mutual willingness to divulge personal details and build trust rather than waiting for a specific amount of time to pass.
Relationship depth depends more on willingness to share and develop trust than on strict timelines.
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Slowly reveal personal details and wait for reciprocity before sharing more; avoid being too upfront about intimate issues as it may be off-putting.
To be known, you have to share some information, but oversharing can be off-putting.
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Deepen bonds with good friends by asking for advice or sharing personal stresses.
Opening up can bring the friendship closer, moving beyond surface topics to relationships and family where you become invested in each other's lives.
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Practice patience and self-love, recognizing that emotional closeness takes time and phone usage hinders connection.
Coming off as needy can be a turnoff.
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Take up shared activities like puzzles to remove the pressure of constant conversation.
It allows you to exist in a space with another person without being 'on' all the time.
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Kindly tell friends that while you enjoy deep conversation, you also prefer lighter, casual chats to help you relax.
Lighter conversations help you relax.
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Wait until a friend is sober before bringing up a drunken confession of love to verify their true feelings.
Liquor provides liquid courage, so waiting ensures accuracy.
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Practice vulnerability and authenticity to form deep relationships.
Deep relationships require vulnerability and authenticity.
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Gradually increase conversation depth with people you meet frequently, moving from surface level to personal problems.
This approach helped one person feel comfortable sharing personal issues with those they met often.
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Ask friends out often for quick meals or shared activities without requiring deep conversation every time.
Spending enough time together allows the bond to grow deeper naturally.
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Research personality frameworks like MBTI to understand how people are wired differently regarding social initiation.
This helps you discover differences in wiring instead of assuming people don't like you.
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Slip extremely small details of yourself into conversation and gauge the reaction before moving to bigger stuff.
- One approach that helped: start with small details if you aren't sure how someone will react.
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Practice active listening and demonstrate genuine interest in others to improve social integration.
Genuine interest helps build connections, whereas desperation is easily detected and repels others.
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