Heartbreak
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Focus on your own well-being and practice self-love before focusing on others.
- Let it irritate other people if prioritizing yourself does; you are only responsible for yourself.
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Recognize that life does not revolve around one specific person, especially during youth.
At 16, you have not yet hit your prime.
one person who lived it
Embrace and sit with your feelings instead of fighting or suppressing them.
Avoiding or bottling up feelings causes them to build and make things worse.
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If you are struggling to move on, take a trip or remove yourself physically from the person's presence to shift your attention.
Physical distance and meeting new people can help take your attention off of them.
one person who lived it
Open yourself to meeting new people and dating others.
New experiences help you realize you are missing out on life by staying stuck in the past.
2 people, independently
View negative people or past conflicts as merely bumps in the road rather than defining events, keeping your focus on the path ahead.
One person found they didn't need revenge because they were on a path and had moved past the incident.
one person who lived it
Treat the person you have a crush on exactly as you treat everyone else.
This helps you realize how ordinary they are.
one person who lived it
Work in environments where you interact regularly with the gender you are attracted to, so you can see them as real people rather than fantasies.
Seeing people as people helps in forming genuine connections.
one person who lived it
Redirect your attention to other things every time the person crosses your mind to weaken the brain's focus on them.
Your brain gets comfortable with where you put your attention; shifting it gradually trains the brain to get used to the new focus and weakens the old connections.
one person who lived it
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Stay busy by joining leagues or continuing old hobbies.
One person found this helped them cope after their wife ended the relationship and admitted to cheating.
one person who lived it
Give it time.
The pain will eventually go away.
one person who lived it
Notice the boring, odd, or undesirable traits of the crush to lose desire for them.
One person reported that noticing these things helped them realize the person was not what they wanted in a life partner.
one person who lived it
Think from the other person's perspective and consider how unfair it would be to force feelings on them.
You might be able to get over them relatively easier.
one person who lived it
Use sadness as motivation to improve yourself by exercising, reading, listening to podcasts, or working harder.
It helps rise above the dumps.
- This does not work for everyone.
one person who lived it
Distract yourself with new hobbies, entertainment, and time with friends instead of sitting at home alone.
Sitting at home was described as the worst thing; finding passion in new activities helped the pain.
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Find new friends to spend time with so you are not constantly around the person you have a crush on.
Constant proximity prevents moving on.
one person who lived it
Focus on your own goals and passions over pursuing a crush; one person found that focusing on a girl caused him to stop giving his goals attention, leading the girl to move away because he had no passions besides pursuing her.
Making progress on your own goals feels good.
one person who lived it
Find distractions such as hobbies, friends, or games to change the subject in your mind when thoughts of the crush pop up.
Getting out of the house and engaging in activities helps shift focus.
one person who lived it
Actively look for flaws in the person you are infatuated with.
Infatuation makes it hard to see flaws; noticing them (such as bad habits) can help break the attraction.
one person who lived it
Remind yourself that there are many people extremely similar to the one you are obsessed with.
One person reported dating others who were basically clones of their previous obsession.
- Based on one person's experience
one person who lived it
Avoid pretending to be friends solely to pursue a romantic relationship.
This behavior is perceived as weird and can make the other person feel led on.
one person who lived it
Stop actively trying to find a relationship; instead, live your life and let space fill naturally.
Nature abhors a vacuum; making space and clearing out unwanted options allows the right fit to appear when you are living your life.
one person who lived it
Join clubs or engage in physical activities like jiu-jitsu to let off steam.
One person used this to cope after their girlfriend passed away.
one person who lived it
Use the person as a muse to inspire you to create art, such as songs or paintings.
one person who lived it
View an ex as returned rather than lost because you do not own anyone, which can remove feelings of limerence.
one person who lived it
Meet someone kind, caring, affectionate, and funny to realize what love really feels like.
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Pursue multiple crushes simultaneously and list both good and bad traits about each to enter a comparative mindset rather than idealizing one person.
Spreading attention prevents focusing too much on any one person; comparing traits stops the cycle of only thinking about their good qualities.
one person who lived it
Back off immediately if someone does not reciprocate your feelings.
Persistence is perceived as creepy and will likely backfire.
one person who lived it
Focus on the person's bad habits, negative comments, and incompatibilities to realize you are in love with the idea of being in love rather than the person.
one person who lived it
Reduce media consumption and engage in real-world activities with others to normalize expectations.
Media consumption raises expectations, while real-world interaction normalizes them.
one person who lived it