Interpersonal
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
If you do not know how to do a task properly, do not volunteer to do it.
You may give bad directions.
one person who lived it
Reciprocate with people who help without expecting anything in return.
You'll be happier for it.
3 people, independently
- Do not expect anything in return when doing a favor; do it because of your own goodwill.1
- Help friends if able without expecting reciprocity unless explicitly discussed.1
Improve yourself to change your environment and attract people at your new level.
As you grow, you will swap environments and meet new people there.
one person who lived it
Reassess a friendship after two instances of rudeness or flakiness rather than waiting for a third.
One person found that a second instance confirms a pattern of behavior to avoid.
one person who lived it
Start saying no casually to requests before resentment builds up.
It prevents the situation from becoming a big deal.
one person who lived it
Watch how potential partners treat people who cannot do anything for them, such as waiters, customer service workers, or strangers.
That is who they actually are.
one person who lived it
Do not remind friends of past favors when asking for help.
It makes the relationship seem transactional rather than an actual favor.
one person who lived it
Set boundaries for yourself rather than trying to control others; if someone disrespects you repeatedly after you've spoken up, change your own behavior regarding them.
Placing boundaries on other people doesn't work.
one person who lived it
15 more on this
Test the nature of a friendship by stopping giving occasionally to see how the other person reacts.
Takers typically hate being told 'no'.
one person who lived it
Show appreciation for a favor by buying the person something they enjoy, such as their favorite beer.
It shows you care.
one person who lived it
Perform helpful acts for people who are habitually the helpers in your life.
They may rarely experience receiving support.
one person who lived it
Graciously accept spontaneous, non-necessary offers of help and thank the person, even if you do not need the assistance.
Accepting their help validates that you matter to them, which is as important as being willing to help.
one person who lived it
Define the scope of a favor explicitly before agreeing to help, such as clarifying moving tasks to avoid unexpected work.
To avoid arriving to find the person still packing when you expected to load boxes.
one person who lived it
Tell yourself that you do not have to provide services or gifts for free.
one person who lived it
Be careful with generosity, recognizing that repeated favors can create an expectation of obligation in recipients.
Recipients may come to expect the favor if it is done repeatedly or on a schedule.
one person who lived it
Aim for five positive interactions for every negative one in your relationships.
Social psychology suggests this ratio supports fulfilling and secure connections.
one person who lived it
Avoid keeping score or expecting repayment for favors.
It leads to vengefulness and sabotage when others cannot repay.
one person who lived it
When doing a favor for someone, explicitly state that it is not standard policy but a personal choice to avoid creating entitlement.
Customers can act entitled, and special treatment can lead to being burned.
one person who lived it
Request confirmation of receipt when sending gifts via delivery services to ensure the correct item and address were used.
To verify that the specific item ordered was delivered to the correct location rather than a wrong one.
one person who lived it
Prefer accepting favors over borrowing money.
Favors come from friendship without expectation of payment, whereas money loans generally expect payment back, leading to stress and hassle.
one person who lived it
When doing a favor, fulfill the request exactly as specified rather than adding unsolicited extras.
Taking control to 'go above and beyond' can create problems, such as requiring the recipient to move items repeatedly or causing messes.
one person who lived it
Refuse to perform professional-level repairs for friends if the work benefits their commercial gain.
one person who lived it
Do favors solely because you genuinely want to help, avoiding any desire for approval or likability.
- Some actions, like helping a friend move, may be done out of obligation rather than desire, yet are considered part of friendship.
3 people, independently