Maintenance
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Log birthdays in your phone calendar with annual reminders set for two weeks prior and the day before.
Colleagues and friends appreciate that you remember their special days.
- Some consider this approach borderline creepy.
- Do not wish happy birthday on the day before; wish it on the actual birthday.
3 people, independently
Do not keep score of who initiates contact in friendships.
Playing this game does not help long-term relationships.
- If you always initiate and carry the conversation, you should evaluate whether the relationship is worth maintaining.
one person who lived it
Set a regular cadence for checking in with friends, such as calling once a month.
It helps maintain connection and catch up on life.
one person who lived it
- Schedule regular interactions with friends, such as weekly calls or bi-weekly get-togethers, and use phone alerts to remind you.1
Set a monthly phone reminder to do something special for your partner.
Busy schedules can cause months to pass without realizing it.
one person who lived it
Periodically text everyone in your contacts folder to say hello or share a thought, regardless of how recently you spoke.
It radiates love and could help someone's day.
- Some people may perceive this behavior as creepy or weird.
one person who lived it
Keep a physical notebook or recipe box with friends' names, addresses, birthdays, and personal details.
Writing key dates by hand helps make the record more personal and aids in maintaining long-term friendships.
2 people, independently
Place a calendar widget on your home screen to allow quick entry of plans and appointments.
It keeps the calendar visible and allows you to add entries in seconds.
one person who lived it
Send photos or screenshots with captions like 'made me think of you!' to close friends or family.
It helps grow closeness.
one person who lived it
Read 'The Five Love Languages' to understand what your parents value most in terms of affection.
Knowing their preferred language allows you to spend less time making them happy.
one person who lived it
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Start a collaborative email chain with family members where each person adds to the thread in turn.
It can help family members feel closer to one another.
one person who lived it
Create calendar alerts or alarms for things you frequently forget, even if they seem minor.
Writing it down takes the worry of forgetting off your mind.
4 people, independently
Use holidays like New Year's as an excuse to message people you've lost touch with.
It serves as a natural conversation starter.
2 people, independently
Send occasional postcards whenever you see one, writing silly things on them to provide the treat of handwritten mail.
It is fun and receiving actual handwritten mail is always a treat.
one person who lived it
For annual holidays requiring purchases where the date changes (like Mother's Day), set a repeating calendar reminder seven days prior, picking a fixed day in the relevant week.
The actual date of some holidays changes annually.
one person who lived it
If you want to understand someone, actively make the effort to get to know them, rather than expecting them to reveal themselves passively.
Without active effort, you won't know who they are, just as you wouldn't know a book's content without opening and reading it.
one person who lived it
Send unexpected physical mail to friends randomly to surprise and delight them.
It shocks them and makes them extremely happy.
one person who lived it
Include the birth year in recurring birthday calendar events to always know the person's age.
It is handy for knowing ages, mainly for nieces and nephews.
one person who lived it
Consistently invite people to activities, even if you expect them to decline.
The gesture itself can bring joy; one person reported that a friend was happy just because they bothered to ask every day, despite rarely joining.
one person who lived it
Create group chats dedicated solely to sharing memes and reactions, with no expectation of text conversation.
It creates zero pressure while making you feel like you are all in the same room.
one person who lived it
Write handwritten letters to people you care about occasionally.
Receiving one can provide significant emotional comfort.
- Some recipients may find it tedious, weird, or concerning, potentially interpreting it as a sign that the sender is dying.
one person who lived it
Set aside specific time to text friends specific questions about their lives rather than sending generic messages.
It helps you remember important details and makes them feel touched.
one person who lived it
Set alarms for habits you don't always feel motivated to do, such as exercising.
It serves as a decent motivational tool.
one person who lived it
If you struggle with remembering personal details, use a tracking system to record specific life events so your check-ins feel genuine rather than obligatory.
Knowing specific details like a new business opening or a child starting school separates a real connection from a shallow one.
one person who lived it
Use reminders to compensate for memory limitations; this action demonstrates care rather than diminishing sincerity.
Being aware of limitations and taking action shows you care, and the positives outweigh the negatives compared to risking forgetting important things.
one person who lived it
Accept that some friendships have naturally ended; respect the other person's decision not to rekindle.
- One person reached out and was told the friendship had ended months ago.
one person who lived it
Sustain friendships even when you find a partner, avoiding the pattern of dropping friends to replace them with a romantic relationship.
one person who lived it