Parenting

Do not complete tasks for your child, as doing so makes the project yours rather than theirs.

Completing the work defeats the purpose of the activity.

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Reframe frustrating parenting moments as future memories to cherish.

Tantrums and sleepless nights become cherished memories of life's ups and downs in the future.

• This is one person's specific coping trick

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If you cannot help your child with something, apologize but promise to find someone who can.

The support itself is key.

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Reward children for their effort in creating art, not just the final result, to promote a growth mindset.

Praising effort promotes a growth mindset.

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Offer help instead of nagging when children lack basic functioning skills.

Children do not magically learn adult behaviors just by reaching a certain age.

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Consider social issues as a potential reason why a child wants to quit a program.

Social issues are a common reason for kids wanting to pull out.

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Accept that every child is different and shift strategies if current advice is not working for your specific child.

What works for one kid may not work for another.

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Avoid threatening children with police involvement for misbehavior, as it instills negative feelings toward law enforcement.

You want children to go to police officers if they need help, not view them as bad people who take kids away.

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Hire a tutor for difficult subjects to reduce family frustration and preserve the child's interest in learning.

It worked for one family to avoid a horrible dynamic and help the child start liking the subject.

• Based on one person's experience.

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Allow children of overly controlling parents some ability to be themselves.

It is important for those kids to have people in their lives who provide this allowance.

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View difficult children as 'tiny drunk people' to manage expectations.

It makes dealing with them seem more manageable.

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Let the coach handle all game-specific instructions to avoid confusing the child.

Parental input can conflict with the coach, distract players, and force kids into a stressful choice between listening to you or the coach.

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Attribute correct behavior to the child's character when correcting mistakes, reminding them of their positive traits (e.g., 'You are a tidy person').

People tend to live up to or down to expectations placed on them.

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Let children struggle with new tasks like tying shoes to build competence and pride, even if their first attempts are imperfect.

Completing the task themselves generates immense pride, whereas doing it for them teaches them to rely on you.

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Emphasize that failure is part of learning and that constant improvement matters more than pace.

No one is inherently bad at math due to genetics; communicating this prevents giving up.

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Do not dismiss your child's views; instead, show understanding and respect for their reasoning to help them grow.

Views are formed throughout an entire life, and showing respect gives them confidence.

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Stop making decisions for older children; instead, ask guiding questions to help them solve problems and make their own choices.

This develops their agency.

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Use questions to guide children's thinking rather than providing rote fixes.

Modeling the thought process is more effective than modeling a single fix.

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Explain what you are doing and why when changing your appearance in front of your child to frame it as bonding time rather than punishment.

Sitting silently while you shave may cause the child to interpret the act as punitive.

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Respond positively to small attempts at connection from partners, children, or friends.

Accepting these 'bids' strengthens relationship stability.

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Plan to take primary responsibility for pet care yourself, as children rarely sustain the effort long-term.

That is what happens in most cases.

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Leave a team or club if a vocal, biased parent is negatively impacting the environment.

Such people are described as poison to the group.

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Choose spending quality time with your children over buying them presents.

Memories of feeling cared for and loved are more lasting than memories of specific gifts.

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Allow children to judge character for themselves rather than forcing your opinion on them.

It enables them to learn how to work out people independently.

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Teach children about various viewpoints and how to judge them, rather than just instilling one belief system.

This is described as a far better option for raising children rationally.

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Focus on making your children proud rather than your parents.

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Recognize that strict parenting may turn children into productive liars who develop dishonest behaviors to avoid trouble.

Children unable to tell the truth may become silver-tongued schemers dealing in half-truths to get their way.

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Avoid preventing children from failing when possible.

Preventing failure prevents growth.

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Ensure all caregivers use consistent commands so that one person's actions do not undo another's training efforts.

Inconsistent usage, such as using a command only when in trouble, can make hard work feel undone.

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Support a child's artistic efforts consistently to maintain their confidence and encourage continued practice.

One person noted they would have quit drawing if their parents hadn't supported them despite poor early skills; another stated that without congratulations, kids won't keep trying or evolve.

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Maintain clear boundaries and discipline alongside unconditional love.

Love should be constant and never used as a tool or weapon; disciplining is part of loving a child.

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Manage your body language and frustration when helping a child with homework.

Picking up on negative body language increased the child's frustration.

• Based on one person's observation

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Show interest in many of your child's interests, not just those that align with yours, to foster lasting long-term relationships.

Focusing only on interests that align with yours prevents building lasting relationships.

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If you are considering marriage, discuss what happens if you cannot have children but one or both partners want them.

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Define your parenting goal as raising competent, confident, and independent adults rather than just raising children.

Identifying this goal makes the process easier.

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Wean children off helicopter parenting gradually as they grow older.

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Inspire children through your own actions and character, emphasizing hard work over superficial accomplishments.

Children internalize these values and may express gratitude later in life.

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Focus on the effort of a child's chore work rather than criticizing the outcome, but do not allow deliberate incompetence.

Overly critical feedback makes children less willing to perform tasks in the future.

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• Expect poor initial results from children doing chores and appreciate their effort rather than demanding perfection.1

Periodically put down cameras and phones to experience moments with your children directly rather than just recording them.

Focusing too much on capturing everything can cause you to miss out on the actual moments.

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Recognize that children may need a landline for coordination and emergencies even if grounded from cell phones.

Some kids don't live with both parents and need to coordinate homework, extracurriculars, and rides.

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Avoid micromanaging children to prevent them from becoming adults who lack independence and life skills.

Micromanaging affects maturity; overbearing parenting can ruin a child's ability to function independently.

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Avoid making every decision for children while ignoring their opinions.

This strict approach assumes parents know best but disregards the child's input.

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Withdraw to relax alone when needed to ensure you do not appear exhausted or forced during interactions with your children.

Children will feel like a burden if the parent seems exhausted or forced, which negatively affects their enjoyment of time together.

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Use positive reinforcement by giving specific praise when you catch your child doing something right.

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• Praise a child's effort in completing tasks correctly rather than pointing out minor mistakes.1

Frame choices for very young children using positive labels like 'green' or 'red' instead of 'good' or 'bad'.

It supports behavioral development by framing choices positively.

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Use descriptive praise that highlights specific actions or efforts instead of generic phrases like 'Good Job'.

Generic praise makes children dependent on external approval rather than building self-confidence in their skills.

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Avoid comparing siblings' abilities to each other.

They are different people.

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Ask a trusted adult to support your child with love if you are unavailable or if the child has a secret they feel unable to share with you.

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Do not let children watch YouTube unsupervised because the algorithm serves harmful content.

The algorithm for kids' channels is problematic.

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Adopt your child's irritating slang or catchphrases yourself to discourage their use.

Children typically dislike it when parents mimic their language.

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Separate allowance from regular chores; provide allowance as a right of family membership, not payment for tasks.

Teaching that money comes simply from being alive is not useful; separating them clarifies the value of work versus belonging.

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Accept imperfect outcomes when a child is helping with chores to keep the experience fun.

Trying is what is important, and perfectionism creates a negative experience.

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Adopt an 'authoritative' parenting style that combines love with strictness.

This approach yields better outcomes for kids compared to authoritarian styles based on fear or dominance.

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Before giving negative consequences for accidents, pause to ask if you are helping the child grow or taking your frustrations out on them.

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Offer limited choices to young children instead of asking open-ended questions.

Open-ended questions can overwhelm kids, leading them to say 'nothing' or choose something inappropriate like a cookie.

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Use positive reinforcement to teach children instead of relying solely on parental authority or negative reinforcement.

Positive reinforcement works, whereas authority-based commands often fail with small children.

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Once a child consistently takes initiative on homework without prompting, switch from consistent rewards to random rewards to ensure the behavior persists.

Random rewarding helps maintain the behavior over time after initiative is established.

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Engage genuinely with a child's interests rather than giving generic positive feedback just to preserve feelings.

Generic responses are less helpful than genuine engagement or even brutal critiques that help improve skills.

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Support children in discovering and pursuing who they genuinely are, even if their interests differ from yours or are ones you do not understand.

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Teach children how to think critically rather than what to think.

Showing respect for their reasoning gives them confidence and makes them more open to your views because they don't feel attacked.

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When sharing new knowledge with adults, act excited and frame it as a new trick you just learned so they do not feel inferior.

It makes you more approachable and prevents them from feeling dumb.

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Only make threats or punishments that you are willing and able to follow through on.

Repeated empty threats condition children to believe your warnings mean nothing, rendering them ineffective.

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Establish rules and stick to them.

It is super important.

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Explain things to young children as you would to adults, setting a norm for open communication.

They pick up on norms quickly; if adult conversations are normal for you, they become normal for them.

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Reserve 'because I said so' for rare situations where the child should not know the reason, such as protecting a surprise.

There are times when a master plan or reason exists that the child is not privy to and shouldn't be.

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Explain the simple, logical reasons for chores and rules, such as preventing injury, breakage, rotting food, or sickness.

Children will understand the reason why, though it may take a few tries.

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Set and explain screen time rules clearly, then let tantrums occur without changing the rules or using deception.

Deceiving kids does not teach valuable lessons.

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Give age-appropriate reasons for rules rather than relying on arbitrary authority.

Blanket commands teach nothing for independent living and may cause children to stop listening if explanations are lacking.

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Explain the reasoning behind rules and instructions, ensuring the reasoning is sound.

People are more likely to follow rules if they know the reason; otherwise, they will struggle to onboard the idea and resist it more.

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Recognize that some people are mean to strangers or look down on service workers due to societal attitudes, such as keeping their guard up or taking anger out on those they perceive as below their level.

It is part of the society we live in.

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Use simple encouraging verbal cues like 'yeah?' to signal interest.

It conveys 'please continue to tell me' without needing complex questions.

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Explain the reasoning behind a refusal in a way children understand to aid their learning.

Giving context helps with their learning

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Be clear and literal when speaking to young children; avoid irony or rhetorical questions.

Kids do not get irony or rhetorical questions.

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Prohibit devices in the bedroom after 9 PM with no exceptions.

Allowing exceptions undermines the rule.

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Require children to clean up whatever mess they make.

Freedom comes with responsibility.

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State boundaries and consequences clearly and adhere to them consistently.

It works wonders.

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Do not use 'you are too young to understand' as your only argument, as you will not get anywhere.

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Give very specific, individual tasks rather than general instructions.

Young kids lack the skills to divide big goals into smaller tasks, and adults may add nonsensical subtasks if the initial task is too small.

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Explain diverse family structures simply and matter-of-factly when asked, without over-explaining.

A simple explanation may prevent further questioning.

• Based on one instance where a child did not ask again after a brief explanation.

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Supplement directive guidance with lessons learned from outcomes to prevent naivety.

Relying solely on direction can lead to spoiled or naive behavior; adding consequences provides a balanced approach.

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Enforce the owner's rules when correcting a pet's behavior; do not encourage unacceptable behavior.

Encouraging unacceptable behavior does no favors.

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Provide computers or laptops instead of smartphones to reduce exposure to the attention economy's push notifications.

Computers are less powerful in forcing attention than phones because they do not send push notifications.

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Ask children 'why did you do that?' to understand their motivation rather than as a rhetorical angry question.

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Write a letter from a holiday figure explaining their absence due to quarantine to manage a child's expectations.

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Create a secret signal between parent and child to excuse the child from unwanted social obligations.

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Build mutual respect rather than demanding obedience or instilling fear, as lack of respect ensures advice is ignored.

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Maintain honesty and integrity to avoid encouraging distrust in you and other adults.

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Do not take young children to political rallies where they do not understand or care about the events.

You put them in a possibly bad situation and risk them getting hurt.

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Limit exposure to violent or destructive influencers on platforms like YouTube.

They can be bad influences.

• One person noted that simply telling a child to stop watching may not make them stop.

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Teach children that swearing has a time and place, such as keeping it at home rather than using it in public or school.

Educating them on how other people may perceive swear words is useful.

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Block harmful sources like pornography and violence using parental controls, monitor smartphones firmly, and discuss content opinions with children to build trust.

To teach rights and wrongs regarding harmful content and ensure children look up to you.

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Teach children how to say no and advocate for themselves regarding bodily autonomy.

To prevent situations where they do not know how to refuse unwanted advances.

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Address negative behavior directly with calm, firm instructions rather than ignoring it.

Ignoring it fails to correct the behavior; children under ten often lack the brain chemistry to act in their best interest without direct guidance.

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Provide age-appropriate information about sex and bodies gradually as children ask questions or begin to speak, avoiding one big awkward talk.

Waiting for one big talk risks being too late because children may already know.

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Discuss sensitive topics with teenagers in private, ensuring siblings or friends are not within earshot, so they feel free to talk openly.

Teens deserve the same privacy and respect adults expect when being called out.

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During heated arguments, suggest a break (such as taking a shower or getting a snack) before resuming discussion.

It helps when emotions are high and the conversation is going nowhere.

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Treat sex education as a lifelong discussion rather than a one-off event.

Viewing it as a single event means missing the opportunity for ongoing guidance.

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Stay calm and patient with aggressive teenage behavior, holding back from physical retaliation to allow them to recognize their mistake.

Coolness and patience pay off; holding back allowed the teenager to realize they messed up and prevented further incidents.

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Enforce boundaries calmly by allowing natural consequences, such as ending a routine early, rather than arguing.

The child may stop fighting the boundary after experiencing the consequence once.

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Use safe, controlled experiences to teach children about danger (like heat) so they understand the concept without serious injury.

The concept of 'hot' means nothing until experienced.

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When correcting toddlers, use specific phrases like 'you may not do that' instead of 'no' to prevent them from mimicking the word 'no'.

Toddlers will mimic 'no' if used frequently; overused phrases become background noise.

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Learn the major risks and mitigation strategies for activities your child is interested in, so you can help without hindering them through excessive worry.

This allows you to get involved and help while avoiding unnecessary obstruction.

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Use examples of toxic relationships from media to prompt discussions about why such behavior is problematic.

This approach is effective for prompting discussion.

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Be prepared to clarify that you are not the parent if strangers attempt to flirt with you while actively playing with children.

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Ignore unsolicited positive changes in behavior initially to avoid adding pressure; acknowledge them later when the task is not active.

Immediate comments can be embarrassing and add unnecessary pressure.

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Instead of immediately demanding a child return a breakable item, pretend to be interested in something else to redirect their attention.

This avoids the risk of the item being dropped.

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Redirect humorous or inappropriate behavior to a private space rather than simply stopping it.

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Offer a monetary reward for beating you in a skill-based game like chess to encourage learning.

It excites children to play and learn.

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Have children help prepare meals.

It fosters bonding, fun, and happiness; feeling like they are contributing makes them happier about visiting.

• It might take longer.

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Allow children to find their own solutions that achieve the shared goal, even if they deviate from strict rules.

They may discover methods that work better for them while still meeting the objective.

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When playing pool or snooker with a child, take the hardest shots available to ensure they win often.

This maintains their confidence without destroying it.

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Avoid giving toddlers mobile devices or iPads to watch videos like YouTube Kids.

It is a common parent trap and temptation to surrender to.

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Have young children help with chores even if they are not truly helpful yet.

They learn through observation and association, preventing chores from feeling odious later in life.

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Ask small children about their hobbies, friends, and recent activities, then respond by sharing your own similar experiences to avoid an interview-style dynamic.

It creates great small talk and shows interest, which means a lot to them.

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Support or amplify a young child's pride in their achievements.

Honest enthusiasm is joyful and should be positively supported.

• Do not encourage stupid or harmful stuff.

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Make slime together with children and provide plastic cutlery or other tools to manipulate it, which can extend entertainment for hours.

Providing tools to manipulate the slime makes the entertainment last hours.

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If a shy child is engaged in a specific activity or media, ask them questions about that specific interest to encourage conversation.

Asking about known interests can lead to the child talking more than usual.

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Teach chess by allowing children to take back moves after seeing yours, gradually reducing this allowance so they do not rely on leniency.

Explaining deep complexities is boring to novices still learning basic patterns.

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Allow older children to decide when to complete chores within a set timeframe.

It teaches them to manage schedules independently.

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Allow children moments of boredom to stimulate creativity and curiosity.

Constant entertainment stifles creativity and curiosity; boredom can lead to browsing resources like encyclopedias and learning new things.

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Actively participate in playground games with your children instead of supervising from a bench.

Children remember and miss those interactions more than passive supervision.

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Take up parallel play by sitting near young children and playing independently.

Parallel play is highly appealing to young children.

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Allow children to experience natural consequences of their choices within safe limits where they cannot be harmed.

It serves as a great learning opportunity.

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Explain how specific behaviors affect others to help children predict what is acceptable.

It helps them understand the impact of their behavior and gives them a platform to predict acceptability.

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Engage boys in competitive activities such as board games, ball tossing, or balancing challenges.

Boys like to compete.

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Simplify vocabulary slightly when speaking to children while treating them with adult-level respect.

Children are capable of understanding complex concepts if the language is accessible.

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Offer a child a meaningless choice so they entertain themselves and feel accomplished.

It helps them entertain themselves and feel great about their accomplishments.

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Assign specific responsibilities to children during holidays to maintain control.

They become busy 'working' and have less time to act up; this provides positive reinforcement.

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Show enthusiasm and act engaged when receiving a child's creative work to encourage positive reactions.

Acting engaged helps get a positive reaction.

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Ask for children's opinions on tasks and praise their input, even if you ultimately choose a different approach.

Children sometimes come up with unexpectedly good suggestions.

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Play 'highest five' by holding your hand slightly above their maximum jump height, occasionally lowering it so they succeed and stay motivated.

it keeps them motivated to keep going

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Consider that advanced children may exhibit undesirable behaviors due to boredom from insufficient challenge.

Not challenging them sufficiently leads to boredom.

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Play 'red light green light' to teach children how to follow directions without requiring you to move around much.

it teaches following directions and minimizes physical exertion for the adult

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Set a specific time for opening presents rather than letting the first child up win.

A 'first up wins' rule often fails after one year as children start waking each other up, or it creates stalemates between siblings.

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Let children enjoy silly traditions like the Tooth Fairy for as long as they are losing teeth.

There is nothing wrong with allowing them to enjoy the tradition.

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Read the labels on dollar-store toys before buying them.

Disclosures can be surprising.

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Keep extra eggs on hand to give as consolation prizes to children who missed out.

This allows those who worked hard to reap spoils while ensuring those who completely missed out still receive something.

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Leave Santa's presents unwrapped so children can play with them immediately while parents get more sleep.

Santa doesn't wrap presents, allowing immediate play and extra rest for parents.

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Make homework enjoyable through shared time and positive verbal reinforcement of accomplishments, avoiding material distractions like snacks.

Spending time with a parent and showing off learning creates enjoyment; snacks were found to be distracting.

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If playing gift-wrapping pranks, ensure the child actually receives the desired item afterward to avoid harm.

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Get a summer job or attend a backpacking camp to develop skills through living within a group.

Living within a group develops many skills.

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Make friends with families from different cultures so children can learn human interaction directly.

It allows children to learn interaction beyond books.

• This may not be an option in less diverse areas.

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Buy children's books featuring characters from other cultures to foster a natural understanding of diversity.

It helps prepare children for multiculturalism and empathy.

• Books alone may not lead to true understanding without actual exposure to diverse people.
• Some prefer buying books that teach good morals instead.

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Teach children basic computer skills like typing and file management, as phone-only users may lack these abilities.

Children who have only used phones and tablets may not understand non-app-based tasks required for simple accomplishments.

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Practice active listening in low-stakes social situations to make interactions more comfortable.

Getting invested in small conversations makes them more fun.

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Be silly, make funny faces and sounds, and be willing to do embarrassing things to make children laugh.

Doing the unexpected often makes kids laugh and helps them feel comfortable around you.

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Remember and use a child's name when interacting with them.

It makes them feel valued.

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Read physical books aloud in front of children to encourage reading, avoiding e-books on phones which may lead children to prefer screens.

Children mimic what they see; seeing adults read physical books encourages them to want to read books.

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Have the child title their artwork to preserve the context and meaning behind the image.

A title makes for a nicer memory than an untitled image.

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Have a child read road signs aloud during car rides to help them learn to read.

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Write the date and the child's name on their drawings, preferably having the child write it themselves if they are able.

It prevents the collection from becoming a drawer full of random, unidentifiable drawings in the future.

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• Label and date children's artwork immediately, noting what the drawing depicts or any associated stories.1

Hang a world map showing where distant family members live to help children visualize distance.

It helps shorten the feeling of long distance between family members.

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Digitize old home videos and audio tapes of family stories immediately.

Magnetic tape doesn't last forever.

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Tell children interesting facts about topics like space or animals.

These topics really interest them.

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Teach children to play their favorite songs on an instrument.

It is fun and leverages their existing familiarity with the music.

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Memorize a frequently requested bedtime story to recite from memory during long car rides.

The familiarity can lull a toddler.

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Watch online videos with your children to identify deceptive or harmful content, such as false product claims.

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