Platonic friendships
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Take the risk of asking a friend out on a date, accepting that the friendship may change or end if rejected.
It is better knowing how they feel than wondering forever; regret lasts longer than lost friendships.
- One person's experience went badly and they stopped talking much, though the other still considered them a friend.
one person who lived it
Challenge the societal programming that leads men to view women as objects to conquer rather than people to nurture.
It is time for change.
one person who lived it
Uninstall the mindset that doing things for women entitles you to sex as a reward.
This mindset makes life worse.
one person who lived it
Explicitly state early on that you only see the person as a friend, as hints are often ineffective.
Men are not great at picking up on hints.
2 people, independently
Limit people-pleasing behaviors to those who truly deserve your attention.
It is for your own good.
one person who lived it
If you want a romantic relationship with a friend, take initiative and make a move instead of waiting for them to guess your feelings.
Waiting may result in both parties remaining stuck in the friend zone.
one person who lived it
Accept that catching feelings is human and control yourself rather than trying to become emotionally numb.
Trying to suppress feelings can make you cold and insensitive to others' feelings.
one person who lived it
Control your actions, even if you cannot control your emotions.
Emotions are difficult to control, but actions are within your power.
one person who lived it
Bring your boyfriend along on outings with friends of the opposite sex, or ask him about solo trips, to prevent misinterpretation of intent.
A day trip alone might be interpreted as a date.
one person who lived it
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Treat your partner like a human being by valuing the same things in them that you value in your closest family and friends.
one person who lived it
Do not fear the fading of initial intense attraction ('butterflies'), as this signals the formation of a deeper connection where love can remain.
The fading of the flame allows the deep connection to play its part.
one person who lived it
Meet more women to normalize female interaction and reduce strong reactions.
Strong reactions may stem from a lack of female connection.
one person who lived it
If you think you should be friends with someone simply because you share interests like music, reevaluate whether you are genuinely compatible.
There is a good chance you are fooling yourself if your reasoning is limited to shared interests.
one person who lived it
Mention your boyfriend early in conversations with potential friends of the opposite sex to automatically adjust expectations.
It helps set boundaries, though some find this tactic annoying.
- The 'boyfriend drop' is considered annoying by some but effective.
one person who lived it
Early in a relationship, share your frustration that people mistake your niceness for romantic interest.
It may make the other person think twice about their assumptions.
one person who lived it
Start actively dating to resolve falling in love with friends, allowing you to eventually develop true friendships without a hidden agenda.
Dating relationships may turn into steady things, which helps distinguish between wanting to date and wanting to befriend.
one person who lived it
Accept that some people may stop trusting you and end the friendship after you express romantic interest, suspecting you feigned friendship from the start.
- most of the time, in one person's experience
one person who lived it
Recognize that if you cannot maintain female friendships while having a girlfriend, you may be seeking romance rather than friendship.
one person who lived it
Filter out new acquaintances who do not ask about you out of genuine curiosity before investing emotional energy.
This frees up emotional energy.
one person who lived it
Recognize that for many men, societal norms restrict deep closeness to romantic partners, making it difficult to separate platonic intimacy from romantic interest.
2 people, independently
Correct internal objectifying thoughts by reframing them to highlight personality traits like kindness and humor alongside appearance.
one person who lived it
Label interactions only based on what is totally present with the person; recognize everything else as fantasy.
one person who lived it
Seek friendships outside your usual niche to avoid subconsciously selecting women based on attraction.
one person who lived it