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Relationship advice

None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.

How this was put together

If you only read a few

  1. Stop placing your partner on a pedestal and treat them as an equal human being.

    Viewing them as superior can lead them to perceive you as weak and controllable.

    one person who lived it

  2. Pursue self-improvement for your own sake and self-respect, not to win back or please a specific partner.

    Doing it only for her approval gives her power over you and leads to control; doing it for yourself ensures she respects you more.

    2 people, independently

  3. Value your partner for who they are as a person, not just for love or attraction.

    one person who lived it

  4. View marriage as a commitment to working through difficulties as a team rather than an easy exit strategy.

    Working through problems together is necessary for happiness, as there is no easy way out.

    one person who lived it

  5. Improve one aspect of yourself at a time to avoid overwhelm and burnout.

    Trying to improve every aspect at once is overwhelming and leads to easy burnout.

    one person who lived it

  1. Read 'Discipline is Destiny' by Ryan Holiday if you need to shift your thinking.

    One person reported it really changed her thinking after a recommendation.

    • Based on one person's experience

    one person who lived it

  2. Be honest with yourself and your partner about your feelings to avoid rationalizing your emotions and blaming her.

    Lack of honesty may lead to rationalizing feelings and blaming the partner.

    one person who lived it

  3. Read 'Nonviolent Communication' by Marshall Rosenberg and 'DBT Workbook' by McKay.

    To stay calm and navigate arguments.

    one person who lived it

  4. Try new activities like dance classes to experience movement and music, rather than focusing on progression or perfection.

    The goal is to share something new and interesting.

    one person who lived it

3 more on this

  1. Listen actively, be supportive, and show appreciation.

    These actions are crucial.

    one person who lived it

  2. View marriage as a starting point for shared growth and evolution rather than a finish line requiring flawlessness.

    one person who lived it

  3. Build a life with habits that remain meaningful even if a specific romantic interest does not return.

    one person who lived it

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