Romantic
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Keep your word and show up for scheduled meetings to avoid being seen as a flake.
Failing to keep your word looks bad in the long run and may cause others to stop planning with you.
one person who lived it
Explicitly tell your partner that you want more one-on-one time, as they may not realize you feel neglected.
They may be unaware of your feelings.
one person who lived it
Understand that there are many different meanings and types of love, some of which are selfish.
The word 'love' has a thousand different meanings, including distinct Greek terms for love toward parents, friends, and new partners.
one person who lived it
Be honest and direct in your communication.
It goes a long way.
one person who lived it
Be aware that frequent texting with a friend of the opposite sex can be disrespectful to their relationship.
It could stop you from pursuing something else if you are wrapped up in them.
one person who lived it
Prefer partners who state their intentions clearly so you can decide based on known options.
It makes decision-making easier when you know what your options are.
one person who lived it
Use fewer words and rely on physical affection and presence instead of lecturing.
Holding hands and warm presence can be more effective than speaking just as needed.
one person who lived it
Consider whether you might be perceived as controlling if you monitor a friend's interactions closely.
Friends may notice if you act like a control freak.
one person who lived it
Avoid putting too much pressure on friends by expecting them to fulfill all your social needs.
Expecting one person to be everything can make others uncomfortable.
one person who lived it
21 more on this
Recognize that love and compatibility are distinct concepts.
One can be compatible with friends without loving them.
one person who lived it
After expressing your disapproval of a friend's harmful dating behavior once, step back and allow them to process the information without further pressure.
You have fulfilled your role by speaking your mind; pushing further only piles on guilt.
one person who lived it
Ask your partner directly for details about their life rather than assuming they will volunteer information.
Partners often appreciate being asked and are less likely to share cool things without prompting.
one person who lived it
Use your brain instead of relying solely on fleeting, giddy romantic feelings when making relationship decisions.
Paying too much attention to fleeting feelings prevents you from using your brain.
one person who lived it
Accept that you cannot control whether someone is interested in you; respect their autonomy.
To avoid taking advantage of them.
one person who lived it
Use relationships to understand yourself better, leveraging the improved mood from great connections to tackle life problems.
Great relationships bring us into a better mood, making it easier to tackle problems.
one person who lived it
Be honest upfront if you only want a casual sexual arrangement rather than a relationship after hooking up with a friend.
Honesty about your intentions is paramount and avoids stringing the other person along.
one person who lived it
Apologize for how your words came across rather than defending your intentions when a partner feels dismissed.
Explaining intent can seem dismissive of their concerns and undermine the severity of the situation.
one person who lived it
Avoid trying to deconstruct sexism or analyze attitudes in the middle of an acute argument.
It is not the right time for such analysis during heated conflicts, especially regarding sensitive topics like a late period.
one person who lived it
Avoid possessive behavior and keeping score of a friend's free time, recognizing they have independent social lives.
Scoreboarding is entitled and restricts their breathing room.
one person who lived it
Offer comfort and empathy instead of unsolicited help or solutions when a partner is distressed.
Most Americans want comfort rather than advice.
one person who lived it
Trust your intuition and gut feelings to protect yourself from negative relationships.
Intuition serves as a protective mechanism.
one person who lived it
If a partner ignores communicated needs and takes no action, recognize they love the idea of you, not you.
one person who lived it
Prefer being ghosted over being led on, as it provides clear confirmation that the other person is not interested.
Ghosting indicates a lack of interest, whereas being led on is deceptive behavior.
one person who lived it
Treat kindness as a muscle that requires exercise to maintain strength.
Exercising kindness can increase reciprocal positive behaviors.
one person who lived it
Use delivery, pauses, vocal inflection, and body language to add to storytelling.
Communication is mostly nonverbal.
one person who lived it
Recognize that people may avoid direct communication because they fear awkwardness or difficulty ending a confrontation.
Confrontations are easy to start but difficult to end depending on the other person's reaction.
one person who lived it
Expect lasting relationships to be relatively stable rather than dramatic roller coasters.
Lasting relationships are described as being like an Amtrak train that periodically experiences uneven terrain, rather than a roller coaster.
one person who lived it
Occasionally recreate activities or atmosphere from the early days of your relationship.
Friends reported it is still the best.
one person who lived it
Consider that declining scheduled coffee meetings does not necessarily indicate a lack of desire to keep a relationship, as these invitations can feel like larger commitments compared to spontaneous chats.
It is easier to decline a coffee invitation that appears to be a bigger pause in one's schedule.
one person who lived it
Never use potential emotional attachment as leverage in casual arrangements.
one person who lived it