Roommates
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Seek out older roommates (e.g., around 30 years old) to reduce partying noise.
Age tends to diminish the desire to party.
one person who lived it
Pause media when someone starts talking to give them your full attention, then resume afterward.
People tend not to talk during media if they know you will pause it to listen.
one person who lived it
If you are staying with a difficult person, sit down with them and the mediator to clear the air.
Otherwise the stay will be very uncomfortable.
one person who lived it
Tell the guest that the landlord warned you about overnight guests not on the lease.
This approach helps avoid direct confrontation.
one person who lived it
Suggest that the roommate purchase their own sets of shared items like towels or can covers.
This avoids future conflicts over using your items.
one person who lived it
Reject arguments based on others' tolerance by stating that you are an individual with your own standards.
Just because others have no problem does not mean you should not.
one person who lived it
View a chatty guest's behavior as a sign of engagement and enjoyment rather than rudeness.
Unlike those who bury their heads in phones, engaging interactively shows they are enjoying the show.
one person who lived it
Listen to music while cleaning.
It makes the process more tolerable and helps time pass faster.
one person who lived it
Store items you cannot currently use or display to reduce clutter volume.
Cutting down the volume of stuff makes cleaning feel less impossible.
one person who lived it
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Bring the issue of loud conversations to the attention of a male roommate, as he may be embarrassed enough to stop once aware.
He will likely be embarrassed upon realizing you can hear him.
one person who lived it
Communicate grievances clearly and directly rather than being passive-aggressive, especially if the roommate cannot figure out their effect on you.
Passive-aggressive comments (like noting a smell) fail because the roommate already cannot figure out their effect on you.
3 people, independently
Implement a rule where everyone who eats a meal cooked by someone else must do the dishes, except for the cook.
One person reported this rule is effective.
one person who lived it
Assign a specific purpose to a space by adding furniture like a chair or rug.
Giving a space a purpose may prevent you from using it for dumping clutter again.
one person who lived it
Consider that quiet movement and stillness at night may be an attempt to be polite rather than malicious.
Walking loudly would be ruder; silence might indicate an effort to be considerate.
one person who lived it
With a housemate who is looking for a reaction, try the 'grey rock' method: keep replies short, flat and unremarkable, so there is less for them to work with.
Giving less to react to can make the days easier to get through while you arrange to move out — it is a way through a situation you are leaving, not a way to repair one.
2 people, independently
Avoid discussing negative opinions of a difficult roommate with mutual friends.
They might tell the roommate.
one person who lived it
Send a written notice via email with the landlord copied to formally document the request for the roommate to vacate.
To ensure all legalities are covered.
one person who lived it
Set a specific deadline for the occupant to leave, backed by a consequence such as replacing the roommate.
A self-enforcing deadline can be effective in resolving the situation.
one person who lived it
Do not assume roommates share your family's unspoken rules about bathroom etiquette.
It is not a standard rule most people know.
one person who lived it
When asking a problematic roommate to leave, deliver the request directly without listing grievances or debating reasons.
Presenting a list of grievances presents a case that allows them to argue their side.
one person who lived it
Ask roommates to provide advance notice and set end times for parties, asserting your right to have a say.
Providing heads-up and end times is considered basic decency.
one person who lived it
If you are a roommate supporting another in an eviction conversation, stay in the room to confirm your agreement and prevent the departing person from isolating them later.
This prevents the departing person from cornering the other roommate to rehash the issue.
one person who lived it
Disinfect high-touch surfaces like door handles and light switches regularly.
they accumulate germs from unwashed hands and are dirtier than toilets
one person who lived it
Communicate bathroom usage expectations directly and politely by explaining the difficulty rather than making demands.
It saves frustration and the other person may be fine with it.
one person who lived it