Self improvement
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Meet people through VR communities or gaming.
One person played the same game every night for a few months before meeting in real life.
- Based on one person's experience.
one person who lived it
Listen to the book 'Women Who Care Too Much'.
One man found it relatable.
- This is based on one person's experience.
one person who lived it
Make platonic friends with women with no ulterior motives or expectations of romance to normalize non-sexual interaction.
This helps challenge mental schemas, cures a lot of sexism, and makes you more comfortable around women.
7 people, independently
Join a men's group, such as a spiritual one, to support healing.
- Avoid groups like 'redpill'.
3 people, independently
Consult a therapist or psychiatrist to correct harmful mental frameworks and alter how you think about women.
Clinical work helps uncover the underlying reasons why you fail to view women as human beings and removes destructive behaviors.
3 people, independently
social, helps, work, friends21
Plan 'date nights' for yourself by going to movies or dinner alone while dressing up, to practice enjoying your own company.
Block disrespectful people to reduce stress and improve the quality of your social circle.
Blocking toxic people can feel great and lead to a smaller but stress-free social environment.
one person who lived it
Arrange platonic physical intimacy with friends, such as holding hands or giving foot massages.
You need human touch in your life.
- It may feel somewhat awkward initially
one person who lived it
Meet someone now instead of scheduling relationships for years later when you are older.
Life is short, and having little relationship experience as you get older may make others skeptical of you.
one person who lived it
Make gradual changes to your routine, such as seeing a personal trainer weekly, to accumulate skills and knowledge over time.
Skills and knowledge accumulate over time once expanding them becomes part of your routine.
one person who lived it
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Practice social skills consistently by starting with people you connect with easily and gradually expanding your circle.
Social skills are like a muscle that requires work to improve; while it may take years, the effort is worthwhile.
2 people, independently
Connect with others through talking and fun activities while making it clear you cannot be serious yet.
This may make connections easier without the pressure of commitment.
one person who lived it
Focus on existing hobbies, new interests, work, and school rather than trying to attract women.
Tending your own garden allows you to find what you need; chasing butterflies yields none. Finding identity in these things makes you attractive and successful.
one person who lived it
Step out of your comfort zone to talk to women, exercise, dress well, and clean your living space.
Improving your life in multiple areas simultaneously creates better outcomes.
one person who lived it
Find a unique activity to do exclusively with your partner, such as a sport or class, and set aside date nights to follow through.
Having something that is just for you two strengthens your bond.
one person who lived it
Switch from reading fiction to non-fiction.
This helps balance expectations and builds the ability to engage with difficult, real-world topics rather than just entertainment.
one person who lived it
View crowds as a single collective object rather than individual men and women to help ignore baser instincts in public spaces.
One person reported this helps with ignoring baser instincts, similar to how it helped with public speaking.
one person who lived it
View potential partners as whole people and possible friends, maintaining connections even if romance does not work out.
Seeing another gender solely as dating prospects is wrong; beautiful connections can exist in different ways.
one person who lived it
Remind yourself regularly that small social interactions matter little in the long run.
This habit improved social issues.
one person who lived it
Change habits to become nicer if you suspect being an 'asshole' caused exclusion; one person found this led to more invitations.
One person realized they were rarely invited after changing their behavior.
one person who lived it
View high energy as an asset rather than clinginess, especially for public-facing jobs or specific social circles.
It is considered a great quality for public-facing roles and favorable in the right circles.
one person who lived it
Stop initiating or accepting hangouts outside of work until the other person understands the friendship is limited to professional settings.
The other person may eventually get the message and accept a 'work friend' dynamic.
one person who lived it
Socialize and make female friends to reduce the intensity of attraction and avoid draining isolation.
Avoiding attraction entirely is worse; practicing social interaction helps it become less of a big deal.
one person who lived it
Interact with others as if you were interacting with yourself.
It greatly improves interpersonal interactions.
one person who lived it
Avoid hookup culture if you seek genuine connections.
It often involves superficiality, fake personalities, and games that waste time.
one person who lived it
Build confidence by talking to women without sexual intent and learning from your mistakes.
Not every interaction needs to be about sex or relationships; practicing general socialization helps you improve.
one person who lived it
Plan 'date nights' for yourself by going to movies or dinner alone while dressing up, to practice enjoying your own company.
3 people, independently
women, people13
Read 'Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents' by Lindsay Gibson.
Read feminist literature, such as Simone de Beauvoir's 'The Second Sex', to learn to view women as people.
Thinking of women as people could help your problem.
one person who lived it
Read the book 'Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me)'.
It is eye-opening.
one person who lived it
Read self-help books and listen to self-help podcasts.
To support personal growth.
one person who lived it
View women as having hobbies, dreams, passions, and interests just like men.
one person who lived it
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Talk to women in person to realize they are human beings similar to yourself.
one person who lived it
Recognize that visually noticing attractive people is normal behavior for the majority of the population.
We are visual creatures.
one person who lived it
Reject alpha and beta male hierarchies as toxic messaging designed to exploit insecurities and cause pain.
This type of thinking was created by men aiming to profit from other men's insecurities.
one person who lived it
Remind yourself that women are not mystical beings but share the same common human traits, weaknesses, and mortality as you do.
one person who lived it
Accept that being sexually attracted to women and valuing them as people are not mutually exclusive.
one person who lived it
Accept that being a sexual and emotional creature is normal, and treat everyone with equal respect regardless of gender or looks.
one person who lived it
Read 'Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents' by Lindsay Gibson.
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Read books on attachment styles or watch videos on fixing relationship anxiety to understand anxious attachment.
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Cultivate genuine empathy by recognizing that women have depth, intelligence, and feelings equal to anyone else's.
one person who lived it
channel, mental9
Learn techniques for Anxious Attachment to mend wounds and foster deep intimacy rather than fear.
Channel sexual focus into earning income, traveling, working out, or developing hobbies.
This prevents your thoughts from being consumed by sex.
- Lowering testosterone via other means may mess with energy levels and cause depression.
3 people, independently
Stop watching incel or red pill content.
It is rotting your brain.
one person who lived it
Reframe women's body parts as functional biological structures (e.g., buttocks for sitting, breasts for feeding) to reduce lust.
Going past lust and attraction may change your desire.
one person who lived it
Take advantage of free mental health services at your college for therapy.
3 people, independently
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Learn techniques for Anxious Attachment to mend wounds and foster deep intimacy rather than fear.
4 people, independently
Channel intense negative moods aggressively into physical activities like hammering away on guitar or running yourself ragged during exercise.
It helps channel the mood into something actionable.
one person who lived it
Channel your anguish and desires into creating stories, songs, music, art, or manga.
one person who lived it
Begin meditating to increase awareness of your actions and mental processes.
3 people, independently
Treat the impulse to look as a mindfulness exercise rather than a morality issue by noticing it without judgment and redirecting your focus.
one person who lived it
partner, relationship, avoid, life56
Develop your own happiness independently instead of depending on a relationship to generate it.
Relationships are intended for sharing joy, not creating it; relying on others for happiness often leads to misery.
8 people, independently
Tell your partner clearly that you are not coping and need them at home.
Trying to be understanding may prevent them from realizing there is an issue.
one person who lived it
Choose partners who choose you as their first priority rather than those you have to convince to stay.
It makes life easier.
one person who lived it
Practice gratitude by keeping reminders close of what you like about yourself and your life.
This reminds you of how far you have come when you are down.
one person who lived it
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Focus on self-improvement and becoming an attractive partner rather than obsessively hunting for one.
Partnerships often appear unexpectedly when not sought; focusing on yourself draws others in.
5 people, independently
- Focus on doing things relating to yourself rather than trying to do things specifically for other people.1
- Focus on enriching your own life and understanding yourself rather than chasing romantic partners.2
- Pursue self-improvement for your own sake rather than to attract a partner.1
Stop measuring your life against the lives of others.
Comparing yourself to others steals happiness.
5 people, independently
- Avoid comparing yourself to others and practice gratitude for what you have.2
Let insecurities come and go without letting them dominate your thoughts.
It is natural for them to bubble up, but letting them sit on you gunks your key right up.
one person who lived it
Stop altering your opinions solely to keep people around you.
Doing so can cause you to lose track of what you actually believe.
one person who lived it
Open your mouth and talk to people so they notice you.
Silence prevents recognition; talking makes you known.
one person who lived it
Focus on knowing yourself and finding the love you crave within yourself before pursuing anyone else.
Rushing things in life usually does not end well.
one person who lived it
Build a fun, satisfying life with hobbies and friends first; only then invite a romantic partner in to avoid neediness.
People who lack a fun, satisfying life tend to be needy.
one person who lived it
Consider the worst-case scenario of your partner cheating to realize that breaking up is not the end of the world, but rather part of the process of finding the right person.
Looking back years later, you will realize he wasn't the one for you, which is the whole reason for dating.
one person who lived it
Avoid transactional kindness where you expect a romantic payoff in return for being nice.
It repels people who did not agree to the transaction.
one person who lived it
Adopt a mindset of continuous learning from anyone, regardless of their age or status.
Every single person knows something you don't.
one person who lived it
Practice being present or meditating to find peace in the current moment.
The present moment is real and usually peaceful, whereas thoughts cause suffering.
one person who lived it
Ask fewer questions at once and proceed slowly to better judge the other person's reactions.
Bombarding them makes it harder to gauge their response.
one person who lived it
Stop responding to texts immediately.
Most people don't notice; those who do are often taking advantage. This creates time for things you actually care about.
one person who lived it
Align your actions and words with the person you want to become.
one person who lived it
Reframe your thoughts to become comfortable in your own skin and immerse yourself deeply in your hobbies.
This approach allows the universe to play matchmaker.
one person who lived it
Reflect on the red flags present in past partners to avoid similar people in the future.
3 people, independently
Imagine holding someone's hand or having their arm around your waist, and affirm in your mind that you have love in your life.
Sometimes helps cope with envy.
one person who lived it
Avoid dating when hungry or desperate to prevent poor choices.
Desperation leads to picking up things you shouldn't, similar to shopping for food while hungry.
one person who lived it
Strive to be better without accepting failure as permanent, knowing it is okay to fail along the way.
Living in resentment toward your flaws only makes you bitter while the flaws remain.
one person who lived it
Accept that most people do not care about your actions to free yourself from the need for approval.
one person who lived it
Be patient and kind to yourself while working on self-improvement.
4 people, independently
View love as a deliberate choice rather than a fleeting emotional high or magical feeling.
Media often promotes the misleading idea that love is just a 'fireworks-show' of emotions.
one person who lived it
Research attachment styles to understand relationship dynamics and yourself from that perspective.
Understanding these styles helps both partners move toward secure attachment through mutual work.
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Remind yourself that love does not follow a schedule but shows up when you are busy building yourself.
one person who lived it
Invest focus and care in a hobby that will not disappoint or abandon you, such as playing guitar.
It reduces reliance on relationships for satisfaction.
one person who lived it
Set small goals to go longer periods without unnecessary griping or arguing, starting with one day and increasing the duration.
One person reported their relationship became much less stressful when they stopped looking for problems by gradually extending the time between arguments.
one person who lived it
Consider if hormonal fluctuations are intensifying jealous feelings and discuss this with your partner.
Talking about it could ease your mind.
one person who lived it
Read articles that break down jealousy into tiny pieces to understand your triggers and how to handle them.
Breaking feelings into tiny pieces makes it much easier to understand triggers and handling methods.
one person who lived it
Wait patiently for things to unfold rather than rushing them.
Rushing sometimes leads to wasting time or effort.
one person who lived it
Avoid starting a relationship if you are unhappy when single.
3 people, independently
Focus on improving your internal mindset alongside external efforts.
External success cannot replace inner fulfillment.
one person who lived it
Be willing to compromise and accept imperfections in a partner to enjoy the benefits of a relationship.
No one is perfectly compatible for a lifetime.
one person who lived it
Accept that feeling arousal from external stimuli while wanting to direct that energy toward your trusted partner is normal; recognize these are separate things.
It is a normal and human experience.
one person who lived it
Choose a relationship that builds upon the life you have already created instead of causing you to lose yourself.
one person who lived it
Shift from conditional and exclusive connections to compassionate and inclusive ones.
This seems like a better approach.
one person who lived it
Regulate your own emotions instead of letting other people determine how you feel.
2 people, independently
Accept that major life events like death permanently change relationship dynamics and stop trying to force the past dynamic into the new reality.
one person who lived it
Own your mistakes and talk openly with your partner about specific problems.
3 people, independently
Focus your dependencies on things other than a romantic partner to avoid becoming clingy.
Making a partner the central focus leads to trying too hard and becoming clingy
one person who lived it
Choose quiet, dignity, boundaries, and self-respect over being loud or relatable.
one person who lived it
Ensure your partner complements rather than completes you by establishing your own direction and purpose first.
one person who lived it
Use crushes as opportunities for self-reflection to identify what you want in connection and the kind of person you want to be.
one person who lived it
Focus on becoming useful to yourself and others.
It may alleviate desperation and increase your attractiveness as a person.
one person who lived it
Fix your internal issues before trying to fix external dating problems.
one person who lived it
Lower your expectations for love to avoid getting hurt by unrealistic ideals.
Relationships involve many compromises and adjustments.
one person who lived it
Use 'No' as a complete sentence without providing justification.
3 people, independently
Reframe independence as compatible with wanting a loving relationship, recognizing they do not have to be exclusive.
one person who lived it
Recognize that finding a partner often depends on chance encounters and mutual connection rather than a specific missing trait in yourself.
one person who lived it