Sexual intimacy
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
If your partner is close to climaxing during oral sex, keep a steady pace and rhythm; do not suddenly change speed or technique.
Sudden changes can ruin the build-up or cause painful sensations.
- One person noted they need their partner to slow down as they climax, otherwise the sensation becomes almost painful.
one person who lived it
- Do not change position, speed, or depth when your partner is close to orgasm unless you know they want it.1
Create a safe space where your partner feels comfortable making noise, as one person found this essential for intimacy to occur.
If they are not comfortable making noise, it won't happen.
- Based on one person's experience.
one person who lived it
Focus on loving and knowing your partner outside of sex, as sex without emotional connection can feel pointless.
If you don't know the person you are having sex with, the sex is pointless.
one person who lived it
Set a pre-agreed nonverbal signal, such as two taps or a bell, to indicate pleasure during sex when verbal communication is difficult.
It provides seamless, instant communication even if mouths are occupied and helps you learn what your partner likes.
- NEVER just use two taps to say no without telling your partner that’s what it means in advance.
- Two taps can mean tapping out in other contexts.
2 people, independently
Be open to using toys, such as vibrators, to assist with clitoral stimulation.
Certain toys can be game changers for partners.
- Some partners may be intimidated by the use of vibrators.
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Be selfless in sex by focusing on pleasing your partner rather than just satisfying your own needs.
Focusing only on your own gratification makes you a poor partner.
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Pay attention to how and where you touch yourself during solo orgasm, then show your partner afterwards to help them help you reach orgasm.
It helps you orgasm during partnered sex.
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Address bad breath directly with your partner rather than silently ending the relationship.
The worst case is they take it badly (which happens if you cut them out anyway), but the best case is they improve.
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If a partner shifts their body position during sex, remain still rather than moving with them.
They were probably adjusting the angle.
one person who lived it
Act with confidence and enthusiasm during sex to increase pleasure and attraction.
It increases your pleasure tremendously and partners find comfort in nakedness sexy; self-criticism harms the mood.
- Verbalizing specific sexual performance labels (e.g., 'sex machine') may not turn on your partner.
one person who lived it
Incorporate core strength training, such as planks and push-ups, to support physical positions during sex.
It prevents abdominal fatigue from hip swinging, allowing you to keep going when your partner wants more.
one person who lived it
If you struggle with lasting long during penetration, focus on becoming skilled at using your fingers and tongue to please your partner.
Your partner may not benefit as much from prolonged penetration as you assume.
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Interpret vocalizations like 'Oh God' as general pleasure, not necessarily a command to go harder or faster.
'Oh God oh fuck oh yea' doesn't mean 'harder, faster' that's what 'harder, faster' means.
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Practice edging by bringing yourself close to climax and stopping repeatedly to build control over ejaculation timing.
It helps you not cum so fast and makes holding back second nature.
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Offer cuddles, lower back rubs, and comfort food to a partner experiencing menstrual cramps.
Touch and massage releases oxytocin.
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Ensure proper wiping after using the restroom to maintain hygiene before sex.
Proper wiping gets rid of fecal matter and associated issues.
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Do not fake orgasms.
It encourages your partner to continue actions you aren't enjoying and likely ends the session prematurely.
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Avoid eating spicy food immediately before performing oral sex.
It can feel like being sprayed with pepper spray.
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Learn about your partner's body by physically exploring it and asking questions directly.
One couple found this method helped them both learn a lot about each other's bodies.
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Embrace playful, funny, or random sexual activities out of curiosity without stressing about them being serious or passionate.
It allows you to enjoy sex without stress after casting away old core beliefs.
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Treat sexual encounters as play rather than an audition; if something doesn't work, simply try again.
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View a partner's self-stimulation during sex as a collaborative act done 'with' you, not as a failure of your performance.
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Approach pleasuring your partner like a safecracker trying combinations until you find the right spot, indicated by specific physical reactions such as a satisfied expression or leg movement.
Getting good at giving leads to receiving.
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Read 'She Comes First' by Ian Kerner and watch educational videos from professional sexologists on techniques like squirting.
One person described this combination as life changing.
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Do not immediately decline or shame a partner for suggesting new sexual activities.
Approaching someone from a vulnerable position makes immediate rejection or negativity harmful.
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Stop overthinking sex, as practice makes perfect and overthinking is unattractive.
Overthinking is not attractive and improvement comes with time and practice.
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View sex toys as teammates rather than competitors to alleviate insecurity.
Using them together often results in more and better sex.
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Take up regular cardio exercise to improve sexual endurance and performance.
Cardio improves blood flow for erections, enhances mood for libido, and builds stamina.
2 people, independently
Frame advice about sexual improvement around mutual communication rather than placing blame on one gender.
This avoids coming across as blaming women for sexual issues.
one person who lived it
Keep fingernails properly trimmed and filed before engaging in manual sexual stimulation.
It ensures a relaxing experience instead of causing pain from being sliced up.
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Communicate directly with your partner about physical discomforts during intimacy, such as hair blocking breathing.
Direct communication resolves immediate physical issues.
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