Social skills

Leave friend groups that do not respect you instead of hoping they will change.

6 people, independently

• If your current friends are rude or dismissive, seek out better ones.8
• Prune friendships by removing people who consistently fail to treat you with respect.22
• Avoid investing energy in friends who do not care about you.4
• Gradually spend less time with a toxic friend group by making excuses to skip invitations.4
• Cut off friends who repeatedly make excuses to avoid spending time with you, especially after they break promises.1

If you are in a toxic friend group, look for new companions who will treat you with respect.

You might be surprised by how poorly you were treated once you find the right circle.

3 people, independently

• Remain in contact with harmful friends only until you have established new connections, then gradually reduce interaction by delaying replies or making excuses.3
• Distance yourself from friend groups that are toxic, negative, or involve excessive complaining.1

Realize that large social circles of toxic people often consist of acquaintances, not real friends.

One person with toxic traits noted that the friends they see aren't friends but random people they don't even know.

• Based on one person's experience with toxic traits.

one person who lived it

Do not start partying just to make friends, as those friends may not be as loyal as sober friends.

In one person's experience, party friends are not as kick-ass loyal as sober friends.

• Based on one person's experience.

one person who lived it

Keep trying to make friends, as 25 is still young.

You can do it.

one person who lived it

Drop the rope if you are carrying 90% of the effort in keeping a friendship going.

It's tiring and frustrating.

one person who lived it

Treat group members as if you are already good friends.

People mirror your emotions, and this approach has worked for some.

• This may sound crazy

one person who lived it

Stop trying to make people like you; instead, focus on getting to know them and caring for them.

This shift in focus led to being surrounded by friends who care for each other.

one person who lived it

Stop chasing friendships that do not feel right and let go to make room for better connections.

One person stopped forcing a friendship and later met a group they have enjoyed for years.

one person who lived it

• Drop one-sided friendships where friends use you without reciprocating, without feeling guilty or seeking closure.2
• End friendships with people who constantly judge you.1

Write down details of what friends share with you so you can follow up on them later.

Following up on specific stressors makes friends feel cared for.

• Especially useful if you see friends irregularly.

one person who lived it

Reach out to old friends you haven't spoken to in a while, unless you had an irreconcilable falling out.

Not staying in touch doesn't burn bridges; people who love you will understand.

• Do not reconnect if there was an irreconcilable falling out.

one person who lived it

• Reach out to friends you haven't spoken to in a long time, as even brief contact can be meaningful.1

Let friendships evolve naturally without forcing maintenance, accepting that some may fade or remain dormant until you meet again.

Friendships that require excessive work may not be worth maintaining; some can pause for years and resume easily.

• Reflects a specific perspective that low-effort friendships are preferable to forced ones.

one person who lived it

• Accept that some friendships end due to busy schedules or changing interests, but persist in trying to find people you vibe with.1
• Understand that friendships need effort from both sides and avoid expecting others to constantly adjust to your preferences.4
• Leave friend groups where you have to try hard to be included.1
• Be relentless in making new connections, accepting that most friendships will fade.1
• Accept that some friendships naturally end when nostalgia fades and people change, rather than forcing connections that no longer fit.1
• Allow friendships to form organically rather than forcing them.1
• Accept that friendships where only one person makes an effort naturally fade, and focus your energy on reciprocal relationships.1

Let go of friends who do not reciprocate your efforts, as they likely do not wish to maintain the friendship.

If they do not invest in the relationship, there is no reason to continue trying.

3 people, independently

• Make an effort to maintain friendships yourself rather than expecting others to stay in touch unilaterally.1
• Withdraw effort from relationships that are not reciprocal to avoid frustration.1

End friendships with people who consistently treat you poorly or talk shit about you.

You are better off losing them than sticking around with people who hurt you.

one person who lived it

Choose friends carefully, as you will eventually adopt their traits and behaviors.

You become your friends, and others will perceive you as similar to them.

one person who lived it

Do not explicitly tell people that you do not have friends.

It labels yourself negatively and can seem like begging.

• Trying to hide it may complicate things and increase stress.

2 people, independently

• Do not tell potential friends that you have no other friends.1
• Avoid stating you have no friends, even as a joke; instead, say you don't have friends in your current location or that you are looking for people to share specific activities with.1

Treat making friends as a numbers game: say hi to many people, then slowly narrow down to those you want to talk to more.

4 people, independently

• Don't give up on making friends; recognize that putting yourself out there is brave and may require trial and error.1
• Accept that you need to meet many people to secure reliable or best friends.2
• Message acquaintances you enjoy talking to and propose specific plans.1
• Keep trying to make friends despite rejections, accepting that you will not connect with everyone.7
• Build friendships by initiating contact, doing things regularly, and communicating consistently.1
• Lower your definition of 'friend' to make it easier to find them; using a high standard makes it harder.1
• Avoid restricting your social circle to a single group; acknowledge that many potential friends exist.4
• Think less and act more: approach interesting people immediately without overanalyzing the outcome.1

View people you cut off as teachers who showed you what a friend isn't, allowing you to value true friendship more.

They provide the contrast needed to appreciate genuine friendship.

one person who lived it

Occasionally check in on friends you don't see regularly in real life to show you care and keep the connection strong.

Showing them you care about them will make them feel nice and they are more likely to return the favor.

• As long as your friends understand it is all good

one person who lived it

Accept that some people may no longer be interested in your company and focus on your own well-being over begging for their attention.

It is better to sit alone than to have friends you must beg to spend time with.

one person who lived it

Use vulnerability to quickly get to know newer friends, since you are both still learning about each other.

Vulnerability speeds up the process of getting to know someone new.

• Do not use this approach with friends you have known for 5+ years.

one person who lived it

Keep trying to make friends but do not act out of necessity or sound needy.

Friends made out of necessity are never true friends.

2 people, independently

Ignore your internal gauge of how close you are with people during early stages.

Obsessing over closeness can cause you to fumble.

• This is what helped one person get out of this mindset.

one person who lived it

Ditch friends who consistently exclude you and don't value you.

If they know you're bothered and still exclude you, they either purposely don't want you there or don't care about you; one person regrets not ditching similar friends sooner.

3 people, independently

• Ditch friends who ignore you or leave you out, as they are not worth your time.1

Accept that friendships are not meant to last forever and it is normal for them to fade; do not assume a faded friendship was never real.

Friendship is different from marriage.

one person who lived it

• Move on and accept that some friendships are just memories if they naturally wither away.7

Focus on your own life activities and become indifferent to whether friends reach out.

One person found that focusing on themselves (e.g., college, gym) helped them stop caring if they were always the one giving.

• One person's experience

one person who lived it

Recognize that non-verbal companionship is a valid form of friendship.

About half of one person's friendships were non-verbal, involving hanging out and doing stuff together.

one person who lived it

Spend your time with people who genuinely want to be your friend.

11 people, independently

• Seek friends who make you feel comfortable enough to unmask and drop your facade.1

Accept that it is normal for some people to be content with having few friends.

Socializing looks different for everyone.

2 people, independently

Make consistent effort to initiate contact and hang out with friends.

Lack of effort is the primary cause of friendships fading.

• Putting in all the effort does not guarantee appreciation; some people may still not value it.

one person who lived it

End relationships with people who repeatedly fail to show up for plans.

Continuing to engage allows them to disrespect you; cutting ties is an act of self-respect.

one person who lived it

Avoid bringing up politics with friends.

It is divisive and can cause you to lose friends.

one person who lived it

• Avoid divisive political topics when trying to make new friends.1

Seek friends among single people.

People in relationships are more insular and tend to hang out with their partners.

one person who lived it

Seek out friends who respect your time by making plans in advance rather than last-minute.

These friends understand you have a life and cannot simply drop what you are doing.

one person who lived it

• Acknowledge that friends possess separate lives and priorities, which might take precedence over their availability to you.8

Be yourself and avoid trying to fit in to please a friend group.

Trying to fit in won't make those friends happier for you later on.

one person who lived it

Make the first move to reach out to old friends and ask how they are doing.

People appreciate knowing they are thought of and cared for.

one person who lived it

• Reach out to friends first regularly, discarding the belief that they should initiate contact if they cared.1

Keep an eye out for weirdo outcasts to form friendships with, as you can be weird together.

These are my people.

one person who lived it

Tell the person that you do not think you can give them what they need in the friendship.

The person may never contact you again.

one person who lived it

Do not pursue association if the other person does not initiate it.

If it doesn't fall on you to get it going, it doesn't fall on you to keep it going.

one person who lived it

• Take the initiative to connect with people first rather than waiting for them to approach you.4

De-focus on friends who frequently cancel on you, as they do not focus on you.

They do not focus on you.

one person who lived it

Ask a couple of closer friends to help shut down the storyteller when they start.

That is what friends are for.

one person who lived it

Be friendly and kind to old acquaintances who reach out after a long time.

They may just need a friend, and kindness does them a great good.

one person who lived it

Trust that your partner chose you for reasons beyond being social or a party animal.

He sees more in you than just social traits; he upgraded from his ex.

one person who lived it

Accept that perfect friendships are rare and make the best of friends who are less than ideal.

Good friends with your best interests in mind are rare.

one person who lived it

If you cannot find friends within your current circle, look for friends outside of it.

They are not your only options.

one person who lived it

• Find a new social circle if your current friends do not support or accept your life choices.1
• Seek out friend groups that value your inclusion rather than remaining with those who marginalize you.5

Improve yourself daily by learning new skills, working out, and making new friends.

Old friends may judge you for what they remember rather than who you are now.

one person who lived it

Hold onto information you learn about the person, even if you could not care less.

The more time you spend together, the more you will learn.

one person who lived it

Rebuild drifted friendships from scratch as if you were meeting them for the first time.

Your past history is no longer your current claim to friendship.

one person who lived it

Accept that some friendships are temporary and move on when values no longer align.

It may serve as a wake-up call to find better friends.

one person who lived it

In large groups, focus on the people who enjoy your company and ignore those who do not.

It is normal for not everyone in a big friend group to like everyone else.

one person who lived it

Focus on building deep connections with one or two real people rather than maintaining many superficial ones.

Graduation often reveals who your actual friends are.

one person who lived it

• Deepen friendships with the few people you naturally click with rather than trying to force connections with everyone.1
• Focus on building a small social circle rather than maintaining a large list of acquaintances.6
• Focus on building deep, irreplaceable friendships over accumulating a large number of casual acquaintances.10
• Focus on cultivating a small number of close friends with strong chemistry rather than collecting many casual acquaintances.25
• Concentrate on developing one deep friendship with a compatible person instead of spreading energy thinly across many.1

Keep being nice to people with whom you have neutral relationships, even if they seem fake or immature.

You may need their help in adulthood.

one person who lived it

Distance yourself from friends when you see toxic patterns developing.

You are protecting your peace.

• People may perceive you as pretentious or stuck up.

one person who lived it

If you are an empath who forms strong bonds quickly, be aware that this attracts people who want to vent without caring about you in return.

It is super draining.

one person who lived it

Stop reaching out first to friends who consistently treat you as a last option or fail to return texts.

Friendship is a two-way street, and continuing to reach out allows them to treat you poorly.

one person who lived it

• Recognize that friends may not initiate contact because they are used to you always reaching out first.3

Reach out to friends who claim they support you, instead of waiting for them to contact you.

7 people, independently

Focus on one or two people to build relationships with rather than trying to connect with many at once.

Trying to connect with many is overwhelming for some, and focusing on a point or person helps build relationships.

• This approach works for one person who finds broad connection overwhelming.

one person who lived it

• Focus your time on fewer people to build closeness, rather than spreading yourself thin across many groups.1

Recognize that making connections may feel harder after age 20 as people realize they do not need large social circles.

People often stop prioritizing big social networks once they leave high school.

one person who lived it

Make new friends to gain perspective on how close you feel to existing ones.

Trying to make new friends can reveal which existing friends feel closer than others.

one person who lived it

Avoid selling multi-level marketing products to friends.

It burns rapport each time and can end friendships because it feels like a scam diverting money from their family.

one person who lived it

Talk to other potential partners instead of fixating on the one who ghosted you.

There are many other people available, and it is unlikely that the person who left was your only soul mate.

one person who lived it

Do not maintain friendships solely because they existed in the past; create new bonds that align with your current self.

You may find deeper bonds with new friends than you had with old ones.

one person who lived it

• Keep current friends but seek to develop closer friendships with new people when able.1

Steer clear of badmouthing a friend's former partner.

There is a possibility they will reunite, which could lead to an uncomfortable dynamic.

3 people, independently

Talk to a valued friend about their behavior before giving up on the relationship.

You value them and want them in your life.

one person who lived it

Focus on building relationships with people inside a group rather than trying to be friends with the group as a whole.

Trying to be friends with a 'group' instead of people is problematic.

one person who lived it

• Focus on building quality relationships with individual friends rather than trying to fit into a cohesive 'friend group'.1
• Focus on developing friendships with people rather than trying to join groups.5

If you have little in common with classmates, seek friends elsewhere where you share more interests.

You may not make many friends among those you study with due to lack of common ground.

one person who lived it

Do not mix business and friendship; if you cannot separate them, gift the money to a friend so they can hire someone else.

To preserve the friendship.

one person who lived it

View your teenage years as a period that reveals who is fake and who is genuine.

This process helps you identify real friends who will appear later.

one person who lived it

Choose from men who show interest and put in effort, then select the one you like most among them.

This approach reduces the chances of being used.

one person who lived it

Put in consistent work if you want friends, a career, or a relationship.

It is possible.

one person who lived it

Be chill and relaxed when trying to make friends.

Trying too hard ruins it and signals attention-seeking behavior.

one person who lived it

• Do not approach socializing with the mindset of 'getting friends.'1

Bring value to potential friendships.

People want to be friends with those who bring something valuable to the equation.

one person who lived it

• Consider what value you provide to friends, such as entertainment, connections, or positive vibes.1

Avoid mixing friend groups if you are possessive or controlling about your friendships.

We do not own our friends.

one person who lived it

Find a few peer friends to avoid being at a disadvantage later in life.

Older adults may not understand you as well, and opting out of this childhood experience can make it difficult to relate to other grown adults later.

one person who lived it

Shrug off setbacks without putting yourself down.

This attitude helps you find friends.

one person who lived it

reach out to friends going through hard times instead of waiting for them to ask.

They often fear interrupting your schedule, think you are resting, or do not want to overstep.

one person who lived it

Accept that not every friendship needs to be super deep.

It is normal to have many casual acquaintances while only having two or three reliable friends you can call in an emergency.

one person who lived it

Cut off friends who impose immature values on you and prevent your personal growth.

Being around them constantly can stop you from growing and becoming mature.

one person who lived it

Match the energy you put into a relationship with what your partner puts in.

If you do not, they might feel you are not interested.

one person who lived it

Work out whether you possess appealing friendship traits beyond just being nice.

Just being 'nice' isn’t enough to put you on anyone's radar.

one person who lived it

Make the first move and wait for the other person to reciprocate; if they do not, move on.

Friendship requires effort from both sides.

one person who lived it

• Recognize that a friendship requires mutual effort; if only one person makes plans while the other only suggests catching up, it is not a true friendship.1
• Put in work to maintain close friendships, as both parties need to make an effort.3
• Expect that friendship requires more than one interaction.1
• Invest effort into friendships because they are mutual; you must give to get invested.4
• Initiate plans yourself rather than expecting friends to manage your social life.2

Go radio silent to see who reaches out just to check on you versus who only calls when they need something.

Those who only contact you when needing something are not real friends.

one person who lived it

Put consistent effort into adult relationships, such as messaging first, otherwise they will fade away.

Without effort, you might not hear from someone for a year or more.

one person who lived it

Recognize that strong friendships can endure long gaps in contact, as long as you resume normal interaction when you meet again.

4 people, independently

Ensure your romantic partner meets the specific needs you require from a spouse, while relying on close friends for other needs.

It is impossible for a husband to meet all your needs.

one person who lived it

Identify one or two people in the group with whom you have good rapport and cultivate one-on-one friendships with them.

Having true friends within the group ensures you have support when you are with the larger group.

one person who lived it

Avoid friends who casually mention falling out with multiple former friends.

Chances are you will be next.

one person who lived it

Maintain both online and in-person friendships rather than choosing between them.

Each type has distinct pros and cons that serve different needs.

one person who lived it

Accept that not all friendships will last forever to reduce the fear of starting new ones.

Worrying too much about holding onto everyone prevents you from starting new friendships for fear they won't be lifelong.

one person who lived it

Introduce a clingy friend to other people you are meeting, as having additional friends may reduce their reliance on you.

They might fall back less if they have other friends.

one person who lived it

Keep a small circle of close friends rather than trying to keep up with many acquaintances.

it is easier when struggling with this

one person who lived it

Make an effort to befriend the companion to avoid being perceived as trying to isolate the target.

Trying to get the person away from their friends may cause them to view you as a creeper.

one person who lived it

Accept that friends may drift away because they feel a lack of common interests, and focus on those who do share them.

People often narrow their friend groups to focus on those with shared interests.

one person who lived it

• Seek out friends who share specific common interests beyond circumstantial proximity like school or work.1

Move on from exclusive cliques and seek out friend groups that treat you with respect.

Exclusive cliques are not worth the effort and require too much work compared to finding friends you get along with.

one person who lived it

Be the most social version of yourself possible to lay the groundwork for new relationships.

It lays the groundwork.

one person who lived it

If you do not click with someone despite your efforts, move on.

Not everyone will reciprocate your social style.

one person who lived it

Recognize that posting about your own happiness does not make you a bad person.

Others may only project their own lack of friends onto you.

one person who lived it

Consider that friends talking shit about you when you aren't there might be catharsis and okay, rather than cutting them out immediately.

Friends like you and have your back, but definitely talk some shit about you when you're not around.

one person who lived it

Accept that movie-style friend groups are unrealistic.

Actors in such groups often dislike each other.

one person who lived it

Make new friends.

People change and most friendships fade away, so making new connections is inevitable.

one person who lived it

Call supportive friends when you do not need help and suggest fun activities to ensure the friendship is not one-sided.

To avoid being only their crying blanket.

one person who lived it

Enforce boundaries and be assertive with friends who do not treat you right, letting them go or confronting them.

Friends are now a choice, not based on proximity.

one person who lived it

Screen out needy people quickly rather than trying to attract non-needy people.

You maintain relationships with needy people; you do not attract them.

one person who lived it

Make yourself unavailable to friends who are only useful for parties or drinks.

They will get the message; if not, they may react rudely, but ultimately you earn more satisfaction.

• You may feel bad at first and your life might feel boring initially.

one person who lived it

Become friends with a romantic interest's friends to enter their social circle naturally.

It helps break the ice and may increase their liking for you if their friends accept you.

one person who lived it

Focus on time and contact people you wish to maintain in your circle.

3 people, independently

Stay away from fake or toxic friends and spend more time with real ones.

3 people, independently

• Find better, more genuine friends to replace those who were harmful.1
• Do not force friendships; accept that it is better to have no friends than to have friends who like a false version of you.1

If you need distance from a friendship, tell the person you are dealing with personal or family issues that require an arms-length approach.

It serves as a defense mode when you feel fragile.

one person who lived it

Keep trying to make friends, accepting that most connections are temporary while the right ones stay.

We are social creatures.

2 people, independently

Choose your friends wisely based on behavior, but maintain respect for all people and avoid treating anyone as trash.

No human is trash.

one person who lived it

Focus on spending the best time with friends rather than the most time.

Friendship is defined by the quality of time spent together, not the quantity.

one person who lived it

Work out and improve the friendship traits you bring if you want different results.

Wanting invitations is not enough; you must look at what you contribute.

one person who lived it

Be a friend to the people already around you rather than hunting for new ones.

6 people, independently

• View friendship as something you are rather than something you have.1
• Focus on and maintain close friendships with existing friends before dedicating resources to new connections.3
• Focus on developing social skills and friendships before worrying about romantic relationships.3

Reevaluate friendships with people who never sound excited to hear from you or about your achievements.

It can make you question why you contacted them in the first place.

one person who lived it

Keep in touch consistently, as time kills blossoming friendships.

Time kills blossoming friendships.

one person who lived it

• Treat friendships like seeds that require consistent attention to grow.1

Focus on friends who remain kind and non-abusive when things go wrong or under pressure.

Their behavior in these moments reveals their true character.

one person who lived it

Try meeting new people to reduce the pressure placed on a single friendship.

Everybody needs their space.

one person who lived it

Join a club or social group and adopt a 'take it or leave it' attitude toward forming relationships there; do not try to force them.

Being casual about whether friendships start worked best for this approach.

one person who lived it

Lower your expectations for adult friendships to be more superficial and acquaintance-like rather than expecting the depth of childhood bonds.

Trying to create friendships like those with childhood or school friends leads to disappointment.

one person who lived it

Provide honest, direct feedback to close friends when they are behaving poorly, even if it risks hurting their feelings temporarily.

A great friend is willing to hurt your feelings to help you.

2 people, independently

Screen whether a person is interested in making new friends to save time and effort.

to save time and effort

one person who lived it

Describe the type of buddy you are looking for, specifying traits like being nice, friendly, and accountable with common goals.

It makes the journey easier and enjoyable.

one person who lived it

Be kind and friendly to others, especially those who seem isolated, to attract friendships.

Being a friend and kind can attract others to you.

one person who lived it

Focus on making friends rather than just getting into parties.

Using people solely to get into parties can be toxic to both of you.

one person who lived it

Accept that keeping different friend groups separate is normal.

Some friends just don't mesh together, and trying to bring groups together can end poorly.

one person who lived it

Speak less with casual acquaintances than you would with close friends.

Remember they are not your soul mates, and that is okay.

one person who lived it

Show platonic love to amazing people with tight hugs and kisses on the cheek.

They are amazing people and deserve all your love.

one person who lived it

Seek out friend groups where you are celebrated rather than tolerated.

Real friends celebrate you; toleration is not enough.

one person who lived it

Maintain low-effort friendships by occasionally sending funny memes or reels to show you are thinking of them.

It validates that you are still thinking of them without requiring constant contact.

• This approach works best for introverts with low-maintenance friends.

one person who lived it

Save reliable 'rock' friends for times you absolutely need them rather than calling them first for every issue.

To avoid burning them out.

one person who lived it

Opt out of social groups that rely on an undercurrent of meanness or hostility.

Such groups offer nothing and are not worth joining.

one person who lived it

Maintain contact with friends when starting a new romantic relationship instead of neglecting them.

They provide support during difficult periods if the relationship fails; otherwise, you risk finding yourself isolated.

• Some argue that keeping friends as 'back up' is not true friendship, which should be reciprocal.

3 people, independently

Stop paying for things and organizing events for others to earn friendship.

Friendship is given freely, not earned.

one person who lived it

Be honest with friends when you lack the energy to reach out frequently.

People may respect you more for your honesty, creating a stronger and more secure relationship.

one person who lived it

Listen more than you talk in relationships.

It is often good.

one person who lived it

Reconcile with friends you have had conflicts with by swallowing your pride and rebuilding the relationship.

It is never too late to repair a friendship.

one person who lived it

Make concrete plans with new acquaintances and stick to them to deepen the connection.

It helps make the relationship closer.

one person who lived it

Recognize that forming friendships requires substantial patience and duration.

Current friendly exchanges might yield results later; establishing a base needs ongoing interaction.

3 people, independently

• Be patient when making new friends, as establishing close friendships does not happen instantly.1
• Build relationships gradually by making acquaintances first rather than trying to jump straight to best friends.3
• Accept that building actual friendships takes time and cannot be rushed.2
• Allow new friendships to unfold naturally over many months or a year without pressure.1
• Spend more time with potential friends to build the relationship.1
• Keep engaging socially and allow friendships to form gradually, without expecting instant intimacy.16
• Exercise patience when making adult friends and avoid expecting to become best friends overnight.4
• Accept that making friends requires significant time, commitment, and luck—similar to a romantic relationship—and often involves finding others who also lack many friends.1

Put as much effort into working through conflict in friendships as you would in romantic or sexual relationships.

Many people are willing to do more to resolve conflict in romantic relationships than in friendships.

one person who lived it

Accept that you will not naturally click with everyone.

It is normal and okay not to connect with every person you meet.

one person who lived it

Show sincere eagerness to befriend people, rejecting the idea that wanting friends appears desperate or cringe.

The world needs more sincerity rather than fake guardedness.

one person who lived it

Accept that acting differently around different friends (code-switching) is normal and demonstrates social skills.

It allows you to engage based on what you have in common with each specific friend.

one person who lived it

Assume the other person is just making friends to reduce pressure.

Thinking they want to date creates too much pressure and can be intimidating.

one person who lived it

Focus your energy on finding new friends who naturally share the initiative in planning.

Current friends may be the wrong people if this bothers you; look for folks who find this interaction important.

2 people, independently

One approach that helped: leave difficult friends behind in earlier years and focus on meeting new people in later years.

• Based on one person's experience leaving 'shitty friends' in tenth grade to meet 'amazing friends' in junior year.

one person who lived it

Accept that not everyone will like you and be picky when choosing friends.

Friendship requires mutual liking.

one person who lived it

Ask a potential friend for a small favor to see if they respond in kind.

Reciprocation may indicate friendship.

one person who lived it

• Test the reciprocity of a friendship by stopping initiation of contact to see if the other person reaches out.1

Trust your gut feeling to discern who genuinely enjoys your company versus those who do not.

Real friends are the ones who remain by your side years from now.

one person who lived it

Invest more time and effort in actively searching for compatible people.

You may simply not have found the right people yet.

one person who lived it

Focus on developing yourself and building genuine friendships rather than actively looking for a partner.

This approach helps you see people as people rather than prizes and projects a genuine, happy, and confident vibe.

one person who lived it

Stop trying too hard to force friendships, as excessive effort can appear disingenuous and turn people off.

Trying too hard ruins chances and puts unnecessary pressure on yourself.

one person who lived it

Choose to be an approachable, awkward person rather than a distant 'low key' person who avoids interaction.

Being the distant type often results in having no real friends.

one person who lived it

Be aware that friendship timelines vary; some best friends are made in one night, while others take two or three years of talking before doing anything leisurely together.

• Based on personal anecdotes

2 people, independently

Work out if your current friends support you and share your interests and goals.

one person who lived it

If core values clash with friends, choose either to find new friends who align with you or to 'live and let live'.

one person who lived it

Do not intervene in the relationship affairs of acquaintances unless you are close friends with them.

You lack a vested interest and may face blowback.

one person who lived it

Stay true to yourself, do your best in classes, and have fun without stressing over deep connections, since you likely won't see these people after graduation.

You probably won't see these people again after graduation day.

one person who lived it

Move on from one-sided relationships to find reciprocal friends.

Life is too short to cling to non-existent reciprocity.

2 people, independently

Accept that dealing with flakers is part of life and play by the rules of social interaction rather than expecting perfection.

Otherwise, you may have few friends.

one person who lived it

Focus on being interested in other people rather than trying to be interesting.

Friendships are built by taking an interest in others' passions and asking engaged questions.

one person who lived it

• Develop interests for your own sake rather than to attract others.1

Treat acquaintances who reciprocate interest kindly and be there for them.

This approach can turn them into friends.

one person who lived it

Cultivate a genuine liking for people.

A mindset of disliking humans pushes potential friends and dates away.

one person who lived it

If you realize a close friendship isn't working, allow the relationship to settle into an acquaintance status without confrontation.

The other person may be trying to give you hints to back off.

one person who lived it

Accept that losing touch with high school friends after graduation is normal.

Most friendships are based on convenience and proximity; when the shared circumstance ends, the friendship often ends too.

2 people, independently

Support and accept friends instead of offering unsolicited advice, as they will ask if they want it.

Friends need support and acceptance, not fixers.

one person who lived it

Invest very little in a flaky friend by never texting them or inviting them out.

This approach helped once their flaking behavior became routine.

one person who lived it

Try making friends online first.

It can be easier to talk for longer periods without the pressure of face-to-face interaction.

one person who lived it

Be direct and vulnerable when asking friends for support rather than expecting them to guess your needs.

5 people, independently

Take the first step to reach out to old friends to rebuild a support network.

Reconnecting helped one person establish regular contact and form a group chat, realizing they could also be a support network for others.

one person who lived it

Reach out to old friends from prior to your recent relationship or isolation to reconnect.

You can use your shared history for conversation.

2 people, independently

Find new friends in person if current online friends exclude you from group communications.

You need to be independent and should not hang on to these relationships forever.

one person who lived it

If you feel overshadowed by old friends, carve out your own niche and make new connections to live life on your own terms.

one person who lived it

Work together with others toward a common goal through work, nonprofits, or clubs.

Otherwise, many friendships lack enough glue to endure.

one person who lived it

Value honesty and trustworthiness over whether loved ones are 'cool', prioritizing those who have your back through rough patches.

Knowing who will support you during difficult times is more important than social status.

one person who lived it

Practice vulnerability with new acquaintances rather than established friends, since there is no loss if they do not like you because they do not matter yet.

You cannot lose anything if a new acquaintance does not like you.

one person who lived it

Be clear about your romantic intentions from the start; do not befriend someone solely to date them later.

Starting a friendship for insincere reasons is not genuine.

one person who lived it

Politely decline requests for favors from friends who only contact you when they need something.

Those who are truly your friends will reveal themselves through this boundary.

one person who lived it

Share personal vulnerabilities to help build trust with potential friends.

Sharing stuff helps build trust.

one person who lived it

• Form a casual connection first and show your vulnerable side only after you have established trust.1

Consider ending a friendship if the other person stops answering, gives dry one-word replies, or only contacts you to brag.

These behaviors are indications he aint your friend.

one person who lived it

Focus on a small circle of high-quality friends who are loyal and moral, rather than striving for the approval of many low-effort acquaintances.

Many people lack loyalty and morals, and seeking their acceptance is futile.

one person who lived it

Avoid friends who constantly ask for help but never return favors.

4 people, independently

View boundaries as instructions for upholding connection rather than fences that block it.

Pulling away while still wanting someone is essentially what boundaries are; they are tools to maintain connection.

one person who lived it

Put active effort into maintaining contact with friends met in random places where you do not share a daily environment.

Less active effort is needed if you have common shared places.

one person who lived it

Continually reflect on your behavior and maintain high standards to avoid becoming friends with just anybody; keep your circle small.

Look out for yourself.

one person who lived it

Be selective with friendships, prioritizing kind people because unkind people may view kindness as weakness.

Kind people appreciate kindness, whereas unkind people do not.

one person who lived it

Distance yourself from friends you do not vibe with, treating friendship selection with the same selectivity as romantic dating.

Staying in such friendships is very draining.

one person who lived it

If you are trying to befriend an introvert, start by being a friendly classmate in their periphery rather than making direct contact.

This avoids overwhelming them.

one person who lived it

• Talk to acquaintances consistently over time to naturally set a friendship without formally asking.1

Focus on getting to know yourself better and staying present to attract genuine, long-term connections.

People gravitate toward you when you focus on self-knowledge and the present, attracting those likely to stick around.

one person who lived it

Ask yourself if you are friends with someone because you like their personality or due to external factors like gender or availability.

You may be lying to yourself about your true feelings.

one person who lived it

Show some intent to maintain friendships, even if you do not fully comply with others' communication styles; those who understand good fellowship will be patient with your intent.

To win their friendships.

one person who lived it

Help someone with few friends by exposing them to social activities and new people rather than trying to change their personality.

Friends will happen naturally.

one person who lived it

Lightheartedly tell people you float with different groups rather than having a concrete friend group.

People may perceive this as being a social butterfly.

one person who lived it

Expect that most college acquaintances will not become long-lasting friends.

one person who lived it

• Reevaluate whether college-era friends are worth keeping post-graduation, as these connections often end quickly and naturally.1

Ghost friends who show inconsistent effort or disrespect.

Life becomes less stressful and quieter.

one person who lived it

Maintain friendships through active effort and regular contact, treating them with the same work ethic required for a marriage.

Friendships require work and effort to stay in contact, similar to marriage.

one person who lived it

Leave social circles that no longer serve you.

Moving through circles at different times is okay.

one person who lived it

Stop acting like a friend if you have romantic expectations, as this behavior leads others to view you strictly as a friend.

The 'friendzone' is an imaginary concept created by hidden agendas; people respond to how you act.

one person who lived it

Accept the risk of rejection when seeking connection, recognizing that the worst outcome is simply not being invited again while the best is making friends.

The potential reward of friendship outweighs the low cost of a single rejection.

one person who lived it

Accept that your social circle will naturally shrink as you age due to inevitable drift, regardless of your efforts to maintain friendships.

Drift is inevitable with age and distance, and circles become smaller over time.

one person who lived it

Reclassify a friend who excludes you from significant events as a casual acquaintance to lower your expectations and emotional investment.

It allows you to take the friendship lighter and expect less.

• The exclusionary behavior is unlikely to change ('he's not going to forget').

one person who lived it

Identify which people you 'sorta know' that you like best and work on deepening those friendships, rather than expecting close friends to happen spontaneously.

Close friends usually do not just happen spontaneously.

one person who lived it

Approach workplace interest by removing the expectation of romance and trying to build a friendship first.

You may be stressing about a romantic outcome when there is no intention of being together.

one person who lived it

Cherish and keep around friends who genuinely make you happy and do not drain your social battery.

some friends are irreplaceable

one person who lived it

Exchange contact information and spend time with people you meet at gatherings.

Many people are waiting for someone to offer them friendship.

one person who lived it

Take whatever friendship dynamic works out without expecting a 'closest best friend' immediately.

Expecting a closest best friend isn't what is going to happen in these settings.

one person who lived it

If you are autistic or neurodivergent, seek out friends who share that identity to avoid the exhaustion of constant masking.

It eliminates the need to wear a social mask.

one person who lived it

Initiate one-on-one hangouts instead of always including a third person.

Constantly being part of a trio prevents building individual friendships while others do.

one person who lived it

Repeat the same activity or strategy over time rather than meeting many new people only once or twice.

Repetition is what really makes friendships start.

one person who lived it

Bond with classmates or project partners through shared difficult experiences.

This approach helped one person find their best friends during their sophomore to senior years.

one person who lived it

Focus on quality over quantity in friendships by being your true self so you attract people who like you for who you are.

one person who lived it

• Keep hanging around people and be yourself without worrying about judgment.1

Keep a consistent online presence to build virtual friendships before meeting in person.

Continuing conversations online allows you to make friends from near and far who you can later meet physically.

one person who lived it

Take a step back if new friends show signs of losing interest, as being over-cared for by someone you just met can be unbearable for many people.

Being over-cared for by a new acquaintance is often perceived as unbearable.

one person who lived it

Recognize that mocking or one-upping behavior from old friends may stem from their insecurity and jealousy regarding your new positive connections.

They feel inferior to aspects of your new friends and want to be your exclusive friend.

one person who lived it

Reconnect with old friends during summer breaks or after they graduate college.

They will likely be going through the same experience of drifting apart.

one person who lived it

Distinguish between being friends with women and pursuing intimate romantic relationships.

These are two very different things that are often confused.

one person who lived it

Have clear conversations about mutual participation if a friend is ostracizing themselves.

Friendship requires two-way effort; lack of participation can lead to the end of contact.

• Calls and invitations may drop in frequency and stop altogether despite conversation.

one person who lived it

Accept that childhood friends and family may never see your new or changed self, and move on to new social circles.

one person who lived it

Trust that potential friends are good enough instead of judging them unfairly.

Building trust nurtures relationships; not trusting someone hurts them.

one person who lived it

Share your feelings about being a secondary friend to discover that others experience this too.

It happens more often than imagined.

one person who lived it

To transition from class interactions to friendship, ask someone for a low-commitment hangout like coffee or lunch.

It avoids seeming like you are pressuring her.

one person who lived it

Hang out with friends even if you don't share their habits, and call people more often without worrying about who initiates.

It's not important who initiates.

one person who lived it

Persist in social interactions rather than quitting early, allowing the connection time to grow.

Quitting early prevents the seed of a relationship from having a chance to grow.

one person who lived it

• View social connections as seeds that require consistent contact to grow into closer relations.1

Rely on physical proximity over time, such as being near the same people frequently in class, jobs, or church, to develop friendships.

Friendships are usually created by proximity.

one person who lived it

Invest long-term in interest-based communities to build weak social ties that hold high value.

Regularly enjoying the company of these ties can develop into closer friendships.

one person who lived it

Set boundaries regarding hangouts that cause guilt trips or conflict with your lifestyle, accepting that some friends may disappear.

Those who leave are likely no longer compatible anyway.

one person who lived it

Consider that a friend's distancing behavior may stem from their partner's jealousy or discomfort with your friendship.

They may be creating distance to avoid conflict with their new romantic interest.

one person who lived it

Make friends based on shared values and interests rather than material possessions.

People often grow tired of those who befriend them solely to access their resources.

one person who lived it

Ask yourself what connection or base experience solidifies your friendship with specific people.

A strong friendship requires a base.

one person who lived it

Maintain some independence in new friendships by not messaging constantly.

Being a little 'hard to get' is important in friendships, not just romantic relationships.

one person who lived it

Deepen relationships by having deep talks, sharing personal stories and fears, keeping promises, and respecting privacy.

This helps people stick around and builds trust.

one person who lived it

Discuss ideas, dreams, and personal interests instead of gossiping to build more authentic bonds.

Gossip keeps people at a distance and feeds off negativity.

one person who lived it

Keep trying to connect with people despite setbacks.

one person who lived it

Stay far away and cut down on contact with groups that undermine you.

one person who lived it

When you find a place where you feel secure, put your efforts into making that group your friends.

one person who lived it

Pursue many friendships across various areas of interest to avoid total isolation if one relationship ends.

It prevents the crushing feeling of breaking all the eggs in one basket.

one person who lived it

Recognize that hearing extensive negativity about a friend's partner can make maintaining the friendship difficult.

You may struggle to reconcile the horrible things heard with the reality of being friends with that partner.

one person who lived it

Nurture deeper conversations with old friends to signal that you are no longer interested in superficial topics.

This strengthens bonds and helps friends realize your shifting interests.

one person who lived it

Ask directly if someone wants to be friends or hang out, dropping formalities and social hoops.

Honesty and directness cut through the complexity and fear of rejection that complicates adult friendship.

• Society often views this as weird or needy.

one person who lived it

Distance yourself from friends who remain dismissive after you address the issue, and seek people who celebrate others' accomplishments.

Dismissive people are not good friends; finding those who celebrate others is better than needing attention.

one person who lived it

Build a 'social piggy bank' by depositing friendliness and greetings into relationships before asking for help.

It makes people more willing to assist you later.

one person who lived it

Take up activities and remain open to both positive and negative interactions.

Being a good person leads to friends following.

one person who lived it

Accept that you will not be welcomed or become friends immediately upon arriving at a new group.

Established members were once new themselves.

one person who lived it

• Recognize that initial super-friendly behavior from group members may just be a welcoming gesture that naturally recedes once you are established.1

Adjust expectations regarding adult friendships by accepting that busy schedules make advance commitments to non-paying activities rare.

Adults have less flexible schedules and often stop committing to plans in advance.

one person who lived it

Focus on care and love over shared hobbies when forming friendships.

one person who lived it

Be completely yourself and accept others without judgment to foster deep friendship.

It allows you to talk about anything without judgment.

one person who lived it

Avoid flaking out on follow-up contact after initial meetings.

Flaking is a friendship deterrent.

one person who lived it

Build a wide field of good acquaintances to increase the chances of finding compatible friends.

Friendship is a matter of compatibility, similar to romance.

one person who lived it

Put in consistent effort to maintain friendships through occasional texts, semi-regular hangouts, and support during bad times.

Making or keeping friends takes work.

one person who lived it

• Identify the most important friends and set calendar reminders to text or call them, allowing other relationships to remain at an acquaintance level.1
• Put deliberate effort into maintaining friendships, especially as you get older, since it may not come naturally.1

Avoid pressuring yourself to meet social or romantic quotas for making friends.

Putting yourself under pressure to meet quotas causes significant struggle and stress.

one person who lived it

Put consistent effort into relationships, recognizing that feelings are habits that fail or end without work.

Most actions, including feelings, are forms of habit.

one person who lived it

Overcome intimidation by directly asking what friends are doing on weekends, which leads to stronger friendships through active pursuit.

It is rewarding when invited along, and pursuing people builds stronger friendships.

one person who lived it

Recognize that proximity to friendly people is not the same as having friends.

one person who lived it

• Recognize that closeness does not require frequent hanging out; it can mean feeling comfortable sharing secrets even if you meet rarely.1

Allow relationships with compatible people to form effortlessly rather than forcing them.

If factors match enough, the relationship will flourish naturally; this is how it should be.

one person who lived it

Seek friends who share your core values and offer emotional connection rather than just ambition.

This fosters deeper companionship.

one person who lived it

Show active interest in others' lives and help them genuinely through small actions, such as bringing items they mentioned needing.

Showing genuine interest and help is reported to lead to success in maintaining friendships.

one person who lived it

Accept that energy levels in relationships even out after the initial excitement fades.

New or exciting stuff gives a boost of energy, but levels even out when it is no longer new.

one person who lived it

Send low-pressure check-ins, such as asking how life is treating them, to maintain friendships.

3 people, independently

Feel free to hang out one-on-one with a new friend without including the mutual friend who introduced you, as you are not obligated to them.

Friendships are not like multi-level marketing companies; the introducer does not own the other person.

one person who lived it

Create a regular ritual with friends to build relationships through proximity and consistency.

Doing small things together often builds friendship.

one person who lived it

If this advice is based on a single perspective: Treat competitors as potential future decision-makers and avoid unfriendly behavior toward them.

Those you compete with may become the people making decisions in the future.

one person who lived it

Seek friendships rooted in mutually helpful activities, such as hobbies or partnerships, so spending time together feels like a desire rather than an obligation.

It makes hanging out feel less like an obligation.

one person who lived it

Cultivate friendships with co-workers, leveraging the ease of daily proximity.

Seeing coworkers every day makes connecting easier for those who struggle with it.

one person who lived it

Do not compromise personal values to fit in; if a friendship depends on you doing something you do not want to do, it is not worth maintaining.

one person who lived it

Cut off insecure people in your current crowd and seek friends who allow playful banter without disrespect.

one person who lived it

Put effort into being friendly with classmates and dormmates to initiate friendships.

Making friends requires putting in effort.

one person who lived it

Stop hanging out with people who treat you as a secondary option and start socializing with others from college or work to find a better circle.

one person who lived it

Share personal concepts and insights with others to develop deeper relationships based on similar thought processes.

Sharing personal thoughts indicates closeness.

one person who lived it

Accept that human relationships can be fleeting and enjoy them regardless of duration.

Everything eventually ends.

one person who lived it

• Appreciate current friendships and accept that nothing is permanent.1

Give frequent, short hugs to maintain physical affection.

Hugs are important for relationships and make your partner feel loved.

one person who lived it

Ask chronic venters directly to engage in reciprocal friendship activities, such as discussing your own problems, to see if they walk away.

Friends should depend on and support each other.

one person who lived it

Communicate directly and respectfully if a friendship is not working out, rather than ghosting or complaining behind their back.

It prevents leaving the other person hanging and confused, allowing both people to understand the situation and move on.

one person who lived it

View flakes as people who are weeding themselves out early because they don't value you, allowing you to find compatible friends sooner.

one person who lived it

Occasionally let people share their interests without adding your own knowledge.

It makes for better relationships.

one person who lived it

Maintain both close connections and shallow connections.

Shallow connections provide options when close friends are unavailable.

one person who lived it

Use the names of newly introduced friends frequently.

It helps them remember each other's names.

one person who lived it

Include mutual friends when hanging out with new acquaintances to make everyone more comfortable.

It avoids starting from scratch until the relationship builds enough to hang alone.

one person who lived it

View vague social offers as leaving a door open for natural future connections rather than failed commitments.

Sometimes catching up with old friends happens naturally later on.

one person who lived it

Allow yourself to grieve the loss of a close friendship, acknowledging that letting go is hard.

5 people, independently

Reclassify friends who put minimal effort into contact as acquaintances or casual friends rather than close friends.

Many people operate on autopilot and only exert effort for things they are deeply interested in.

one person who lived it

Focus on the quality of connections—trust, mutual value, and shared history—over the quantity of contact.

Infrequent contact makes it difficult to develop deep trust and connection.

one person who lived it

Focus on yourself, your interests, and your career rather than worrying about friends coming and going.

investing in yourself makes you more interesting and grows your confidence

one person who lived it

Treat late-college social efforts as practice for post-graduation life, applying lessons learned even if friendships do not last.

one person who lived it

View friendships as being paused rather than ended, so they can resume easily when life circumstances change.

one person who lived it

Visit the same restaurant or bar regularly to become a familiar face and build micro-interactions.

Consistent presence can lead to accidental friendships.

one person who lived it

Build a broad social network with varying levels of closeness to create access, flexibility, and social resilience.

Having access helps you avoid isolation.

one person who lived it

Keep relationships at an acquaintance level if you do not feel a connection, as you are not obligated to be friends with everyone.

Maintaining an acquaintance level is still considered being quite friendly.

one person who lived it

Be kind and inclusive without feeling obligated to befriend anyone.

Being inclusive is distinct from making friends.

one person who lived it

Redirect your focus to new clubs or meetups to build other connections and naturally become busier.

This helps you find new friends and reduces availability to obnoxious acquaintances.

one person who lived it

Accept that adult friendships naturally become less frequent due to work, family, and life administration.

3 people, independently

• Recognize that proximity, shared interest, and time are the formula for adult friendship.1

Do not reveal romantic feelings to someone who is already in a relationship.

It creates unbearable awkwardness and jeopardizes the friendship.

one person who lived it

Accept that you may not care about maintaining social relationships and stop worrying about the lack of contact.

one person who lived it

State your romantic interest directly instead of hiding behind a friendship label.

Attempts to disguise attraction are often seen as transparent and unappealing.

one person who lived it

If you cannot remain purely platonic after a romantic rejection, cut off contact to prevent relapses.

Continuing contact may cause relapses if you cannot stay strictly platonic.

one person who lived it

Avoid assuming others are too different to be friends; instead, build bridges of connection rather than walls of exclusion.

2 people, independently

• Make friends without bias regarding color, intelligence, appearance, age, or gender.1

Avoid fantasizing about a specific person; instead, interact with them as a friend in the present moment to see if a connection naturally develops.

Fantasizing guarantees a bad ending.

one person who lived it

Keep initial interactions brief and take a slow approach until a friendship has developed.

People generally do not engage in long conversations with those who are not yet their friends.

one person who lived it

Stay friendly with your housemates but do not expect or demand a close friendship.

3 people, independently

Avoid comparing yourself to others' perceived friend groups, as many are temporary proximity-based connections.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

one person who lived it

Look for people with similar mannerisms to yours to help with quicker friendship formation.

Similar mannerisms make understanding each other easier.

one person who lived it

Stop viewing every woman as a potential girlfriend; treat them as regular friends to reduce pressure.

one person who lived it

Take the initiative to create specific opportunities for connection rather than relying on general friendliness.

General friendliness is insufficient and may result in people flaking or being too busy with others.

one person who lived it

Take new friendships slowly and avoid oversharing personal history early on.

To avoid overwhelming folks.

one person who lived it

Focus on supporting each other's growth and happiness rather than treating friendships as networking opportunities.

This approach fosters deeper connections.

one person who lived it

Allow connections to develop naturally without forcing them onto others.

People can sense forced interaction as insincere.

one person who lived it

• Accept that some connections disappear naturally as people grow and develop differently; do not force them.1

Abandon urgency when building relationships to reduce frustration.

It helps with frustration.

one person who lived it

Use brutal honesty to strengthen relationships by building both parties up, never tearing them down.

Good communication is about strengthening relationships.

one person who lived it

Cultivate friendships over time rather than testing loyalty through manufactured hardship.

Manufacturing hardship to test loyalty is manipulative and insecure; true ride-or-die friends are cultivated, not met instantly.

one person who lived it

Develop self-awareness to establish better boundaries in friendships.

Self-awareness is key to developing better boundaries.

one person who lived it

Maximize proximity, frequency, duration, and intensity in your interactions.

Friendship is defined as the sum of these four factors.

one person who lived it

Do not interpret initial American friendliness as deep commitment, as openness often decreases over time.

Americans are very friendly upon meeting but become less open the longer they know someone.

one person who lived it

Accept that maintaining relationships requires compromises and sacrifices.

People often want to avoid these because they can.

one person who lived it

Keep attending social events despite superficial initial encounters.

Friendships sometimes grow over time from these meetings.

one person who lived it

Work out your social circle; if people treat you uncomfortably, speak up immediately, and end the relationship if their behavior does not change.

one person who lived it

If group dynamics are confusing or exhausting, seek out smaller groups or one-on-one connections instead of trying to fit into large friend groups.

one person who lived it

Stop forcing friendships; let them develop naturally through mutual interest.

Friendships cannot be one-sided.

one person who lived it

Categorize friends as either 'event friends' or close friends, and do not take it personally if a desired close friend prefers an event-only dynamic.

one person who lived it

Be prepared for an old friend not to remember you clearly when reconnecting.

one person who lived it

Always leave jobs on good terms, even if you dislike them, because former bosses and coworkers often provide future job opportunities.

one person who lived it

Do not worry about appearing friendless in specific contexts like school, as others will likely assume you have friends elsewhere.

one person who lived it

Maintain your own life outside the relationship, set boundaries, and respect your partner's boundaries.

one person who lived it

Reject friends who monologue, dominate conversations, or show no curiosity about your life and interests.

4 people, independently

Understand that some friends rely on you to plan because organizing requires considerable effort for them.

Making plans takes considerable effort.

one person who lived it

Accept that reduced contact is normal in adult friendships and usually not personal.

one person who lived it

Accept that most new acquaintances will not blossom into friendships due to incompatibility or lack of time, recognizing that this does not mean you are doing anything wrong.

one person who lived it

Treat people who only offer favors as acquaintances rather than friends.

True friendship prioritizes company over utility.

one person who lived it

Understand that friendships not requiring constant daily contact were the natural shape of many relationships before cell phones.

2 people, independently

Recognize that close bonds are maintained by mutual needs rather than unconditional attachment.

one person who lived it

Consider marriage optional and recognize that intimate close friendships can provide satisfaction.

one person who lived it

Do not consider an interaction a relationship if it is not reasonably balanced.

one person who lived it

Accept that true friendship involves hard conversations and feeling exposed, not just fun activities.

one person who lived it

Recognize that for some people, infrequent contact causes the emotional bond to fade completely, making distant friends feel like strangers.

• This is a personal experience reported by one individual, even affecting relationships with siblings.

one person who lived it

Initiate low-stakes meetings, such as coffee, to test compatibility before committing to deeper friendships.

3 people, independently

Allow friendships to develop naturally through shared enjoyment and gradual progression to non-group settings.

one person who lived it

Help clean up after a gathering instead of arriving early to set up.

It demonstrates care and provides one-on-one time with the host when others are tired or leaving.

• Arriving early to help when not asked can be perceived as rude.

one person who lived it

• Stay to help clean up after a party to help with relaxed chats with guests.1

Create thoughtful gifts using items from thrift stores, grocery stores, or dollar stores.

You can make wonderful things with just some money, time, and effort.

one person who lived it

• Create handmade gifts, such as embroidered clothing or tie-dye shirts, using thrifted materials.1

Plan a group activity or game as a collective gift.

It counts as a gift to the recipient.

one person who lived it

Focus on giving love, time, and attention rather than material possessions, living within your means.

It is all that matters for the child.

one person who lived it

If you want to meet your neighbors, try bringing them a plate of sweets or chocolate during the holidays.

The kindness is usually appreciated, even if the interaction feels awkward at first.

• It may feel awkward initially.

one person who lived it

Give coal-shaped chocolates to adult siblings as a humorous, low-cost gift.

The giver finds them hilarious and worth the small cost.

• Based on one person's experience with their brother.

one person who lived it

Make specific offers, such as dropping kids off for breakfast or school runs.

Specific actions can meet exact needs that the person is struggling with.

one person who lived it

Offer to pay for services like a massage to provide comfort.

It makes the recipient feel taken care of in ways they might not ask for themselves.

one person who lived it

Focus on spending time with family over giving material gifts when finances are tight.

The presence of loved ones is valued more than presents.

one person who lived it

Plan a grocery store trip with guests early in their stay so they can purchase essentials, snacks, or host gifts.

This helps head off household conflicts regarding missing items like toothpaste or food.

one person who lived it

Bring snacks and entertainment, such as chips and Netflix, to a struggling friend's home.

This approach works better than proposing general help.

one person who lived it

Give cash or digital payments for specific needs like a 'diaper fund'.

It is appreciated when the giver does not know what is needed at any given time.

one person who lived it

Allow others to give advice or help so they feel good doing so.

Giving advice or help makes them feel good.

one person who lived it

Explicitly state that you do not want gifts given just for the sake of it.

To avoid clutter.

one person who lived it

• Stop trying to explain your preferences to givers who consistently ignore them; just say thank you and handle the gift as you wish.1

Offer to watch a friend's favorite show together so they enjoy their content while you spend time with them.

It is a win-win situation where both parties get what they want.

one person who lived it

Reach out to show you want to help, even if you cannot do anything specific at the moment.

It demonstrates genuine care and willingness to help.

one person who lived it

Consider hiring a concierge service to handle tasks like walking dogs, watering plants, or picking up dry cleaning.

It takes things off the loved one's plate.

one person who lived it

Replace forced holiday gifts with small gifts given on random occasions throughout the year.

Random gifts seem more genuine and take pressure off.

one person who lived it

Order groceries, meals, or essentials to be delivered directly to the person in need.

It was an unexpected offer that really helped.

3 people, independently

Bring food directly to someone struggling rather than offering to cook.

When things are bad, people may lack the energy to even prepare simple meals like oven pizza, and it is hard for them to admit they cannot feed themselves.

one person who lived it

Host waffle days where you make the batter and guests bring sweet or savory toppings.

It allows people to make their own waffles continuously.

one person who lived it

Give high-quality handmade items like dresses or scarves to show personal investment.

They are precious and unique when well done.

• Some recipients may perceive the gesture as an attempt to be cheap.

one person who lived it

Take individual walks with each parent to discuss childhood memories, favorite gifts, and traditions.

You will both let off steam and likely learn things you did not know.

one person who lived it

Do volunteer work.

It makes a huge difference.

one person who lived it

Give homemade baked goods like cookies as affordable gifts that convey care and help stretch budgets.

They send an 'I care about you' message and make limited funds stretch further than store-bought chocolates.

one person who lived it

Eliminate gift-giving among adults, keeping gifts only for children if desired.

It takes off pressure; adults already have too much stuff and can shop for themselves.

one person who lived it

• Stop giving gifts entirely if the tradition causes stress, feels emotionally draining, or leads you to measure relationships by material exchange.1

Frame your offer of help by stating that you would expect the same if roles were reversed, though be aware this may not eliminate the recipient's sense of being a burden.

This framing attempts to reduce the sense of obligation.

• The recipient may still see themselves as a burden regardless of whether you would actually help them in reverse.

one person who lived it

Give consumable gifts like food, wine, or baked goods to avoid creating clutter.

Consumables prevent shelf clutter and landfill waste.

one person who lived it

Do not disclose how much you spent on gifts to others.

Sharing spending amounts is considered poor taste.

one person who lived it

Ask for experiences or handmade items instead of physical goods.

Experiences are found to be far more valuable and enjoyable than more stuff.

one person who lived it

Bring cookies or brownies to a casual gathering if you are unsure what to contribute.

You'll be an instant hit.

one person who lived it

One person decided to get dachshund puppies to focus on instead of sitting with a gaping hole in their heart.

• one person's specific action

one person who lived it

Choose versatile boats rather than single-purpose ones like those designed only for fishing, skiing, or partying.

Single-purpose boats can be expensive and limiting.

one person who lived it

Request small luxury items or high-quality versions of everyday objects that you would not normally buy for yourself.

It serves as a nice treat.

one person who lived it

Accept that some wine is meant to age and improve over time rather than being drunk immediately.

There is wine for daily drinking and wine that gets better as it ages.

one person who lived it

Give choices for specific services, such as asking if you can bring dinner on Tuesday or Thursday.

People who are overwhelmed do not want to think about delegating tasks.

one person who lived it

Write a heartfelt card expressing appreciation as a standalone gift if you cannot or do not wish to give a material item.

Expressing how much someone means to you is considered as good a gift as any.

one person who lived it

Provide specific details about items you are looking for to help others find them quicker.

Specifics avoid playing '20 questions'.

• Vague requests like 'the ones my wife likes' are not helpful.

one person who lived it

Give college students a laundry hamper filled with consumable necessities like detergent, soap, shampoo, and hair products.

It was considered one of the best gifts received in college because the recipient needed one.

• Based on one person's college experience.

one person who lived it

Timestamp all notes, files, and physical objects to track when they were created or became relevant.

It is a confirmed good habit that aids tracking.

one person who lived it

Let the partner whose parent is the giver handle the conversation about gift preferences.

For the family sake.

one person who lived it

Drop off essential household supplies like paper plates, plastic ware, napkins, toilet paper, and soap without asking.

They won't have to worry about dishes or running out of basics.

one person who lived it

Avoid announcing what you expect a gift to be while opening it to prevent signaling disappointment if it is not that item.

If the gift is not what you expected, saying so tells the giver they did not get what you wanted.

one person who lived it

Assign small tasks to guests, such as grabbing glasses or plates, to increase their comfort level.

Getting people to do little favors opens up comfort levels for everyone.

one person who lived it

Bring snacks or drinks to social gatherings.

People get hungry and thirsty, and everyone loves the person who provides food.

one person who lived it

Reciprocate the method of birthday contact used by others to maintain social harmony.

It ensures you return the favor in a way that seems important to them.

one person who lived it

Pack emergency snacks like granola bars or candy when traveling.

Hosts may not have snacks, may not have shopped recently, or may have food that does not meet your dietary needs or preferences.

one person who lived it

Be okay with your help not being wanted or appreciated, and do not expect gratitude.

Sometimes good intentions are appreciated but the help itself isn't wanted.

one person who lived it

Ask for specific consumables like jams or specialty flours to guide gift-givers.

One person reported this approach has worked well so far.

one person who lived it

Ensure food gifts are properly packed and not open, as people distrust food opened by strangers.

You cannot trust everyone.

one person who lived it

Walk around farmers markets on Saturdays to find excellent produce.

You can usually find produce for less than store prices.

one person who lived it

Give high-quality socks in the recipient's favorite colors.

They last forever but are often too pricey for people to buy themselves.

one person who lived it

Bring disposable plates and utensils along with meals to avoid adding dishwashing duties for the recipient.

It removes the worry of doing dishes, which was described as an enormous help.

one person who lived it

Mail a physical journal back and forth with close friends or family members to write in.

• it is a lot of work

one person who lived it

Suggest contributing to a savings plan instead of buying physical gifts.

To do something useful rather than adding unnecessary items.

one person who lived it

Account for the accumulating cost of providing food and liquor when hosting gatherings.

The stuff adds up.

one person who lived it

Bake biscotti as a homemade gift.

It is cheap, easy, and popular with family members.

one person who lived it

Ask for very specific, cheap, consumable items like a soda and candy bar to prevent receiving unwanted clutter.

It provides a rare treat while ensuring the item is cheap and won't go to waste.

one person who lived it

Send letters to acquaintances undergoing stressful transitions like military boot camp.

It is not weird and would be greatly appreciated.

one person who lived it

Ask for contributions toward a specific expensive item you are saving for, allowing givers to choose their contribution amount.

It allows givers to determine their own budget.

2 people, independently

Give a small gift with zero expectations of reciprocity and explicitly state it is a present so the recipient does not feel obligated.

It prevents the recipient from feeling like an 'asshole' for not giving anything back.

one person who lived it

Ask guests to find specific items, such as snacks, rather than just telling them to 'make themselves at home'.

'Feel at home' is a courtesy everyone says; specific requests show you really mean it and make guests comfortable helping themselves.

one person who lived it

Smile and say thank you when receiving gifts from people you dislike, keeping any pettiness private.

It requires little effort since these interactions are infrequent.

one person who lived it

Give practical, low-cost items like socks, slippers, hats, gloves, or scarves instead of expensive presents.

They are good quality and highly desired.

one person who lived it

Perform small maintenance tasks like taking out trash cans without being asked.

Small invisible acts can provide significant help that recipients may not realize until they happen.

one person who lived it

Include a personalized note with simple gifts to add thoughtfulness without increasing cost.

It adds a personal touch that people appreciate.

one person who lived it

Buy practical items like towels or toilet paper as gifts if you are unsure what the recipient wants.

Recipients often prefer useful items over things they will never use.

one person who lived it

Propose stacking silver coins or collecting coins as an alternative gift for grandchildren that holds value.

one person who lived it

Do not send recurring anniversary wishes to friends or acquaintances.

Anniversaries are generally between the couple themselves.

• Exceptions may apply for very close family, such as parents or grandmothers who faithfully remember everyone's anniversary.

2 people, independently

Request specific non-frugal purchases you already want when asked for gift ideas to ensure the item is used and valued.

This ensures the giver buys something you actually wanted and reduces stress for them.

one person who lived it

Focus on spending quality time or having conversations over material possessions if gift-giving is not your love language.

Experiences go farther than material possessions.

one person who lived it

Accept gifts graciously, particularly in cultures where refusing is considered rude.

Refusing a gift is often frowned upon in many Eastern cultures, and accepting brings joy to the giver.

one person who lived it

Create holiday traditions centered on shared activities like baking or decorating instead of buying material goods.

Shared activities can make holidays special at a lower cost.

one person who lived it

• Take up low-cost activities like playing board games, listening to music, walking, and sharing meals instead of focusing on gifts.1

Start complaining about housework.

People love venting about chores.

one person who lived it

Request contributions to a selected charity rather than receiving tangible presents.

6 people, independently

Compliment everyone on something.

People love compliments and usually return them.

one person who lived it

Offer specific favors such as rides to doctor appointments, grocery shopping, or laundry help.

2 people, independently

Advocate for receiving Amazon or Walmart gift cards instead of physical holiday swag.

one person who lived it

Ensure social effort is reciprocal; if someone is not giving back what you are putting in, accept it as part of life and move on.

Relationships should be balanced, like a phone working both ways.

one person who lived it

• Do not demand equal effort in relationships; instead, ensure there is at least some effort from the other side.1

Recognize that cultural background shapes punctuality norms; socially, time perception varies across groups.

There is no universal standard for time; certain cultures implicitly expect lateness at social gatherings.

• Especially relevant when dealing with systems or business, where expectations may differ from social norms.

3 people, independently

Focus on kindness and respect over shared hobbies when seeking friends.

Common interests mean nothing if the people are not nice.

one person who lived it

Do not assume eye contact means 'true love' or destiny.

It does not mean it is 'meant to be' like in Hollywood romance movies.

one person who lived it

• Do not assume eye contact means romantic interest; the person may simply be aware of being looked at.3

Consider the table size when deciding to sit with a stranger; larger tables allow for distance.

Tiny two-seater tables might intrude on space too much, while larger tables (4+ seats) allow for distance.

one person who lived it

Stop worrying about being excluded by realizing that others may not value your presence as highly as you value theirs, and that there is more to life than specific social events.

No one cares as much as you think, and focusing on broader life perspectives helps you let go.

one person who lived it

If you are close friends, accept silence as comfortable rather than forcing conversation.

Constant talking is not required for strong bonds; awkwardness is self-imposed.

4 people, independently

• Accept that comfortable silence is normal in long-term relationships; however, feel discomfort when not talking may signal failure.1

If you are new to a group, go with the flow and participate in activities even if they are outside your usual comfort zone.

Newcomers need to adapt to the group's dynamic to fit in.

• This applies specifically when you are new.

one person who lived it

Avoid exclusive nostalgia talk when your old friends bring partners who did not grow up with you.

Nostalgia talk can alienate new partners.

one person who lived it

Focus on having decent bosses and coworkers when choosing a job, as this affects happiness more than the work itself.

The quality of bosses and coworkers matters more to happiness than what the job entails.

one person who lived it

Focus on the meaningfulness and purpose of interactions over how often you contact people.

Quality is more important than quantity; less is more.

3 people, independently

• Focus on the quality of friendship rather than the quantity of texts received.1
• Spend time with fewer people to give each more attention, prioritizing quality over quantity.1

Text friends to explicitly state your need for quiet, one-on-one time.

It keeps the tone light while letting them know you need specific types of connection.

one person who lived it

Establish boundaries with friends early on to ensure they respect you.

Lack of early boundaries leads to a lack of respect.

one person who lived it

Get to know the person pursuing you directly to remove the mystery that drives their interest.

People tend to chase mystery; removing it might cause them to move on.

one person who lived it

Recognize that being hypersocial does not mean you are socially gifted.

It gives an advantage, but is not the same as being gifted.

one person who lived it

Put yourself in other people's shoes to imagine how you come off in conversations and work to pass the 'vibe check'.

It helps in figuring out how to listen more attentively.

one person who lived it

Smile and make eye contact to signal openness, but recognize that this approach does not work for everyone.

Positive energy and good posture can attract people; however, some people may react negatively or ignore the gesture.

• Some people give a negative reaction or look away when approached with a smile and eye contact.

one person who lived it

Observe how friends treat service staff, not just dates, to reveal their true character.

This observation can reveal negative traits, such as being a 'dick', that might otherwise be missed.

one person who lived it

Accept that some reactions will be negative, but take the risk of vulnerability to create close bonds.

Taking risks despite potential negative reactions is necessary for creating close bonds.

one person who lived it

Recognize that others may perceive your quiet nature as arrogance due to their own insecurities, rather than trying to change your behavior.

It is often about how others perceive your quietness and how their insecurities add to that perception.

• Based on one person's experience where wondering what was wrong did not solve it.

one person who lived it

Determine if you genuinely care about connecting with people or are just concerned about lacking close relationships.

A lack of genuine care for people can be very repelling.

one person who lived it

Continuously seek new connections rather than fixating on specific people.

Craving certain people can cause them to avoid you, while not needing them may attract them; looking forward prevents clinginess.

one person who lived it

If you lack contact details, write a note or send a friend request to initiate contact.

It could lead to a positive story or connection if the other person is interested.

one person who lived it

Talk to people face to face rather than relying on social media.

Face-to-face interaction involves body language, which social media lacks.

one person who lived it

If dealing with a clingy friend, consider giving direct feedback on why people are distancing themselves, recognizing the outcome depends on their personality.

It may help them change.

• The result could be very positive or very negative depending on the individual's personality.

one person who lived it

Back off and give people space to open up organically instead of forcing friendship roles.

Coming on too strong feels overwhelming and disrespectful; backing off allows organic growth.

• Post-high school friendships are harder to form naturally.

one person who lived it

Limit time with difficult colleagues to short, work-boundary activities like a 30-minute coffee break during lunch.

This keeps the interaction within work relationship bounds and is better than longer engagements like a two-hour movie.

one person who lived it

Consider that perceived rejection may be due to external factors like having a soft voice that others cannot hear, rather than dislike.

A softer voice can lead others to miss what you are saying, causing them to appear to ignore you.

one person who lived it

Start building friendships with low-stakes actions like sending memes or asking for coffee instead of waiting for an instant connection.

It lowers the pressure.

one person who lived it

Resist the urge to overshare with people who are merely polite, as their friendliness may not signal genuine care or a desire for intimacy.

A friendly tone does not always indicate endless genuine care; sometimes warmth is just politeness. Respecting your silence protects your dignity.

• One perspective suggests finding structured spaces where everyone agrees to take turns listening instead of simply stopping oversharing.

one person who lived it

Value character over status and avoid taking friends for granted to build deeper connections.

Focusing on status is not good for long-term friendships.

one person who lived it

Use silence during moments of high emotion to protect relationships and guard against regret.

Silence acts as a shield rather than a prison in these moments.

one person who lived it

Recognize that group chats may be limited to specific topics, meaning exclusion does not reflect on your value as a friend.

One person found that chats were often topic-specific invitations for those interested, and realizing this helped them stop caring while maintaining close friendships.

one person who lived it

• Consider logistical differences such as work hours, location, or shared interests when evaluating exclusion from group chats.1

If a friend is not interested in connecting, stop pursuing them and move on.

Chasing someone who isn't interested is exhausting.

one person who lived it

Do not expect a reciprocal 'I love you' when you express platonic affection, as it is a spontaneous gift, not an exchange.

Expecting a return can corrupt the serious manner of the sentiment.

2 people, independently

Avoid bragging about self-improvement efforts like gym attendance or dieting, as it can come across as annoying or insecure.

It sounds like you are implying others are not on a grind; focusing on your thing allows others to focus on theirs.

one person who lived it

Interpret phrases like 'we gotta hang out' as polite pleasantries similar to 'how are you?' rather than genuine commitments.

These phrases are often said when running into someone you aren't close with anymore.

one person who lived it

Share your opinions and interests to avoid appearing bland and give others something to connect with.

Fear of judgment can lead to blandness; sharing gives people hooks for connection.

one person who lived it

Consider bonding with older adults or instructors if you find them more genuine and respectful than peers.

One person reported feeling more respected and seeing them as more genuine.

one person who lived it

Be aware that what people say they want for their birthday may differ from what they actually want, often due to fear of inconveniencing others or budget constraints.

People may downplay their desires to avoid burdening others.

one person who lived it

View conversations primarily as a way to acknowledge fellow humans rather than just exchanging information.

The discussion is often just a vehicle for saying 'I see and acknowledge you.'

one person who lived it

Coordinate timing for drop-offs, such as food, to ensure you are not interrupting important appointments or plans.

Uncoordinated visits can delay important tasks, even if the intention is caring.

• Based on one anecdote where an uncoordinated visit caused a delay.

one person who lived it

If you are introverted, send meaningful messages every other month instead of weekly check-ins.

Less frequent but meaningful contact may be better than frequent superficial check-ins for introverts.

one person who lived it

Pick up meditation to gain control over your thoughts and let go of unwanted ones.

Meditation offers techniques to manage thoughts and release those you wish to discard.

one person who lived it

Join a non-team sport to build community without the pressure of performance.

In non-team sports, skill level matters less, allowing you to focus on connection rather than activity.

one person who lived it

Give a partner space during high-stress tasks like cramming, assuming they may have silenced their phone to hyper-focus.

They may ignore follow-ups because interruptions are annoying during study sessions.

one person who lived it

Treat relationship building like growing a plant: proceed slowly with small, consistent interactions over weeks or months rather than rushing intimacy.

Relationships require watering and work to keep going, and rushing it prevents growth.

one person who lived it

• Accept that relationships grow slowly, starting with common activities like leagues or hobbies before evolving into deeper bonds.1

Do not dismiss gratitude toward friends, as doing so can make them feel unvalued and create conflict.

Dismissing gratitude is seen as devaluing relationships and starting beef.

one person who lived it

Treat initiating and maintaining connections as a learnable skill rather than a personality defect.

It is often about taking small, consistent steps rather than having a flaw.

one person who lived it

Focus on behavior and making women feel safe rather than relying on hygiene or fashion, as a well-dressed person can still be a scary creep.

Hygiene and fashion have little to do with safety; being overly friendly while smelling good does not negate creepy behavior.

one person who lived it

Build a circle of friends rather than relying on cold approaches, as one person found this method more professional and sustainable for social abundance.

Cold approaches often do not last, requiring constant creation of new plans.

one person who lived it

Value and appreciate friends who do not bail on plans, as this reliability is appreciated by others.

Not bailing is appreciated by those involved.

one person who lived it

Adjust your level of friendliness to match local cultural norms, as being overly familiar too soon can be perceived as inappropriate.

What seems friendly to you might be seen as too intense or creepy in certain cultures.

one person who lived it

• Adjust your eye contact intensity and physical distance based on cultural norms, as some cultures prefer intense eye contact or close standing while others do not.1

Be aware that a quiet or cold demeanor can deter others from approaching you because they are unsure how you will react.

Potential friends may seem cold, causing others to hesitate before saying hi.

one person who lived it

Avoid using generic physical compliments like 'you're really cute'.

It can come off as creepy.

one person who lived it

If inviting people over feels awkward, suggest a low-pressure public activity like a movie or meal instead of a home visit.

Sharing your house is a significant step toward closer friendship that can feel too intense initially.

one person who lived it

Make follow-up plans after meeting people and maintain regular contact, even if it feels awkward initially.

Consistent contact leads to new friendships.

one person who lived it

Focus on developing and strengthening close friendships rather than worrying about the volume of texts from acquaintances.

A lack of texts is evidence of a lack of close friendships, not a significant issue in itself; quality matters more than quantity.

2 people, independently

• Focus on the quality of connections over quantity.2

Consider recording your social interactions to self-analyze speech patterns and body language, keeping in mind that this may be unethical.

It could help identify unconscious habits.

• This approach is described as 'kind of unethical'.

one person who lived it

Avoid cliché phrases like 'you must be so proud' if they feel insincere; use simpler expressions of happiness instead.

Such phrases can sound robotic or fake to the recipient.

one person who lived it

Stop overthinking your silence, as being a quiet listener is often perceived as thoughtful and considerate rather than rude or boring.

Quiet listeners are usually seen as thoughtful, not rude.

one person who lived it

Calibrate your approach based on context and timing, recognizing that appropriateness varies from minutes to months.

Context is everything regarding when it is appropriate to pursue a goal.

one person who lived it

Ensure your online personality matches your in-person vibe, as mismatched vibes may make one persona seem not worth chatting to.

Different vibes between screen and real life can lead to disinterest.

one person who lived it

Offer neutral support and availability to listen rather than expressing opinions about the ex when comforting a friend post-breakup.

Expressing opinions can lead to embarrassment if the couple reconciles; listening acknowledges their pain without insulting anyone.

3 people, independently

Mention a video you enjoyed in conversation but do not insist the other person watch it.

Letting them decide on their own time without pressure is more effective.

one person who lived it

Set a goal to enjoy your time and gain new experiences rather than specifically trying to find friends.

This reduces pressure and improves interactions.

one person who lived it

Avoid texting group chats if no one responds to prevent overthinking; instead, crack jokes in person to gauge compatibility.

Lack of response in text leads to being 'in your head'.

one person who lived it

Contribute to the greater social experience rather than just trying to get something from the interaction.

Social life involves giving towards the greater experience; taking only diverts attention to oneself and detracts from the group.

one person who lived it

Accept that people naturally grow apart, though acknowledge that it remains confusing when a close friend suddenly stops caring.

Growing apart is easy to accept, but sudden indifference from close friends is confusing.

• Reflects one person's specific confusion regarding close friends vs. general acquaintances.

one person who lived it

Focus on action rather than apologies when evaluating a friend's remorse.

Most people apologize and don't change.

one person who lived it

Recognize that post-pandemic social distance may be a general trend where people feel scared by new connections, rather than a personal rejection.

Many people struggle to connect after the pandemic, and new connections can feel scary enough to push them away.

one person who lived it

Monitor and adjust non-verbal cues such as eye contact, smiling, and body openness to avoid appearing closed off.

Body language sends signals that can deter others from approaching if it appears unwelcoming.

2 people, independently

Understand that people may express interest in friendship in the moment due to excitement but later fail to follow through because they realize they are too busy.

People sometimes get excited in the moment without logically thinking through the situation, then realize at home they lack time for a new friend.

one person who lived it

Set small, attainable social goals like simply showing up or saying hi.

Aiming for deep connections immediately can lead to disappointment and frustration.

one person who lived it

Stop overthinking compliments from friends' partners; they are often genuine reassurances aimed at boosting confidence in men who appear shy or insecure.

People may wish to reassure single men who seem unconfident.

one person who lived it

Focus on building comfort and confidence rather than using elaborate pickup lines.

Being comfortable putting oneself out there is more impactful than the content of what is said.

one person who lived it

Share intense experiences with friends to deepen connections.

The more intense the shared experience, such as rafting compared to chilling in a bar, the deeper the connection becomes.

one person who lived it

Check your schedule before agreeing to plans to avoid double-booking, especially as adult responsibilities increase.

One person found that checking first prevented the stress of managing double bookings, though a friend was initially offended by the need to check.

• A friend got offended when asked to check the schedule first.

one person who lived it

Seek relationships with people whose level of caring matches your own.

Imbalanced giving can lead to resentment and less fulfilling connections.

one person who lived it

In conflicts where both sides are at fault, avoid unilaterally apologizing.

Doing so may embolden the other party and reduce their respect for you.

one person who lived it

Use casual variations like 'love ya' or 'luv ya' to signal platonic affection rather than romantic love.

These phrases are perceived as more casual and platonic than 'I love you'.

one person who lived it

If confronted about lack of interest, explain that you do not personally vibe together, clarifying that there is nothing wrong with the other person.

Providing closure can help when interactions feel one-sided.

one person who lived it

Distinguish between 'simple' and 'easy' when discussing tasks.

A task can be simple in definition but difficult in execution.

one person who lived it

Understand that parental restrictions can cause friends to stop inviting you to events.

Friends may stop asking if parents consistently prevent attendance.

one person who lived it

Encourage your partner to enjoy their friends separately while you form private memories together.

One person reported this approach works best in their experience.

• Based on one person's experience

one person who lived it

Recognize that online interactions differ from in-person ones, which may explain your dislike of online acquaintances who do not act like 'normal people'.

Online interactions are different from meeting people in real life.

one person who lived it

If introduced as a 'friend' in a social setting, act normally toward your partner but omit overt physical affection to avoid mortifying them.

Acting like 'just a friend' can embarrass or mortify the partner.

one person who lived it

Reevaluate what you deserve from relationships and stand up for yourself, telling friends their actions affect you.

Having integrity and being true to yourself is important; if they don't listen, they don't respect you.

one person who lived it

Avoid info-dumping and excessive transparency; instead, listen and offer appropriate responses.

People prefer listeners with appropriate responses over those who are 100% transparent or dump information.

one person who lived it

Practice social skills consistently over months, accepting that building a large circle requires significant effort and does not happen magically.

Social skills are developed through practice, similar to physical fitness gains which require persistence.

• Some people may already have friends or refuse to put in the work.

one person who lived it

• Maintain realistic expectations and focus on training rather than comparing yourself to others who have had years of practice.1

Be cautious about choosing roommates solely for socialization.

Roommates can be extremely annoying unless your lifestyles and personalities are highly compatible.

• One person described being territorial like a rottweiler.

one person who lived it

If a friend's parents are difficult, limit playdates at their home.

One person reduced visits to a friend's house because the grandmother was difficult.

one person who lived it

Challenge yourself regularly, accepting that personal growth is a grind.

Stopping challenges can lead to feeling like you never matured.

one person who lived it

Recognize that trash-talking an ex usually stems from the speaker's own unresolved issues rather than providing any benefit.

Trash talkers are dealing with their own problems and gain nothing by ruminating on perceived wrongs.

one person who lived it

Abandon the assumption that friends must always include their partners, and use the experience to broaden your perspective on social norms.

Not everyone follows the same social rules regarding partner inclusion.

one person who lived it

Give people a chance to connect, because avoiding vulnerability removes the possibility of finding those who will support you rather than misuse that chance.

Avoiding connection prevents finding supportive people.

one person who lived it

Speak confidently despite having a heavy accent to maintain good conversation.

Confidence might still lead to a good conversation even with a heavy accent.

one person who lived it

Focus on the volume of meetings over quality at the start.

Meeting enough people increases the likelihood of naturally finding those you resonate with.

one person who lived it

Act on romantic feelings rather than waiting, as inaction can lead to missed opportunities and regret.

One person reported that waiting years resulted in the other person giving up, and they regret inactions more than actions.

one person who lived it

When going out with introverted friends, avoid drawing attention to them.

Unwanted attention can be draining and overwhelming.

one person who lived it

Recognize that adult friendship requires compatibility and accommodation into existing social lives.

Adults often have organized social lives, so incorporating someone new depends on compatibility.

one person who lived it

Show vulnerability to connect everything, recognizing that small talk only brings pieces closer.

Vulnerability is what connects everything, whereas small talk doesn't make connections.

one person who lived it

Reduce toxic expectations by weighing what you actually want against societal pressures, and trust reality instead of trying to force outcomes.

High expectations can scare you away from things; trusting reality allows for beautiful, spontaneous events you might miss if fixated on specific outcomes.

one person who lived it

Recognize that Czech reserve and distrust stem from historical contexts like communism rather than personal flaws.

Historical forced betrayals led to reserved behavior affecting how children were raised.

one person who lived it

Fill the void of unreciprocated effort by focusing on activities that make you happy and meeting new people, even virtually.

It helps fill the void when frustrated about initiating contact.

one person who lived it

Learn about the difference between ego-based and authentic friendships to gain perspective on social dynamics.

Reading about this distinction can be an eye-opener.

one person who lived it

Stop comparing your friendships to others', recognizing that your unique dynamics are special.

Your relationship is unique and does not need comparison.

one person who lived it

Stop looking for or insisting on joining a person if they have clearly expressed disinterest.

Socializing should not involve forcing or insisting.

one person who lived it

Avoid moving too fast in new relationships, such as initiating physical contact shortly after meeting someone, as it can be perceived negatively.

It may be seen as sketchy.

one person who lived it

If a friend's company consistently makes you feel uncomfortable, trust your gut instinct and decide whether to maintain the friendship or move on politely.

Your gut instinct is likely telling you something important.

one person who lived it

If you struggle with unwanted attention, avoid pursuing relationships with people who do not initiate friendly interactions.

This approach helps avoid appearing as a burden to those who are merely polite to everyone.

one person who lived it

Gauge the other person's enthusiasm before investing heavily in initiating plans or sharing personal information.

You need to establish if they share similar interest; if they don't share back, ease up.

one person who lived it

Initiate connections with peers in study settings by asking for genuine help with coursework.

One person reported that asking for help, without initially planning to make friends, led to regular interactions.

one person who lived it

Recognize that clubbing is often overhyped and driven by the perception that others think it is fun.

Realizing this dynamic can be disillusioning.

one person who lived it

Learn how conversations work and ensure you have enough to say, rather than relying solely on feeling confident.

Confidence alone is insufficient if you lack conversational skill or content.

one person who lived it

Recognize that creating unsolicited art of strangers can be perceived as creepy or obsessive, regardless of intent.

It can create the same emotional response as being stalked or followed.

one person who lived it

Investigate if there is another reason for friends distancing themselves before blaming a salary disclosure.

There may be other factors at play, such as past behaviors regarding sharing costs.

one person who lived it

Expect reciprocation only if friends never invite you to hang out in any setting, not just at home.

Home is personal space, but lack of interest in other settings suggests a lack of reciprocity.

one person who lived it

Focus on emotional investment in friends who reach out during personal losses rather than those who only engage with you for specific activities.

Friends who only hang out for activities may be unwilling to progress the relationship.

one person who lived it

Consider that excluding spouses from close-friend gatherings may hinder deeper friendships.

Prohibiting interaction with partners can leave them as strangers.

one person who lived it

Focus on the flow and enjoyment of your conversations over who initiates contact.

Engagement matters more than initiation as long as both parties enjoy the interaction.

2 people, independently

Make individual connections separate from group dynamics by picking one person and inviting them for coffee.

Fostering individual connections over time can create real bonds.

one person who lived it

If someone declines a holiday invitation, do not pressure them to attend; respect their choice to be alone.

Some people choose to spend holidays alone simply because they enjoy solitude.

one person who lived it

Express gratitude for hanging out rather than mentioning personal struggles when a friendship is new.

Emphasizing what you are grateful for keeps things lighter.

one person who lived it

Recognize that 'bad vibes' are rarely the reason for dislike; people usually have specific reasons.

Dislike generally stems from very specific reasons rather than vague vibes.

one person who lived it

Understand that friendly small talk in the US often does not imply a desire for significant connection.

Small talk is generally considered insignificant in this context.

one person who lived it

If you are an introvert who frequently declines invites, invite friends to activities you can manage to maintain the relationship.

Both parties must put in effort regardless of extroversion or introversion.

2 people, independently

Judge the level of friendship and vulnerability before offering physical presence or home entry during difficult times.

Presence from non-close contacts can cause stress in vulnerable situations where privacy is needed.

• Even close friends might not be welcome in all scenarios; respect the boundary of who is allowed in.

one person who lived it

Stop chasing validation from toxic groups to prevent the dynamic from spiraling deeper.

Chasing their validation only empowers them and deepens the spiral.

one person who lived it

Offer to show a trick that makes a task easier rather than stating the task is easy, acknowledging that physical limitations like grip strength can make simple tasks difficult for some.

A task might be easy for others but never for someone with specific physical limitations.

one person who lived it

Become comfortable with silence in conversation, allowing your mind to wander until a new topic arises naturally.

Silence does not mean you are failing; it allows time for thoughts to emerge.

one person who lived it

Be honest and direct in initial interactions rather than being vague to generate intrigue.

Vagueness is ineffective; honest comments can reveal shared interests and lead to friendship.

one person who lived it

Accept that some connections fail due to lack of chemistry or differing core values, especially if initial meetings involved alcohol.

Surface-level commonalities may hide a lack of shared core values, which becomes clear in daylight.

one person who lived it

Recognize that people approaching you when alone are likely acting out of kindness and community instinct.

People naturally seek community and may be checking to ensure your solitude is a choice rather than ostracization.

one person who lived it

Treat pleasant social interactions as stand-alone events rather than stepping stones to friendship.

Anticipating and worrying about future outcomes does not improve social skills.

one person who lived it

Avoid complaining to your partner about your family and vice versa, as this creates a cycle of negativity.

Complaining to both sides perpetuates negative cycles.

one person who lived it

Reframe the lack of incoming texts by recognizing that popular people often have to plan everything themselves because they are the initiators.

Their popularity stems from their role as the initiator, not from others messaging them constantly.

one person who lived it

Understand that while social skills can be easily gained or lost, enjoying social situations is harder to change.

one person who lived it

Allow for lighthearted moments and avoid making others feel judged or over-analyzed during casual interactions.

Constantly striving for 'deep' connections can be off-putting and make others feel under a microscope during fun moments.

one person who lived it

Know your audience and avoid speaking in terms they don't understand to prevent derailing conversations and alienating others.

Speaking in incomprehensible terms can quickly alienate you.

one person who lived it

Consider that your interpretation of social cues may be incorrect due to factors like others' insecurities or distractions.

People have their own issues, such as insecurity or embarrassment, which may affect their behavior.

one person who lived it

Consider that friends may leave early due to age-related responsibilities rather than dislike.

Older friends often have more responsibilities or families.

• This is based on one person's experience.

one person who lived it

Do not give up on finding someone eventually, recognizing that social media is a virtual imitation of belonging.

Social media is described as a hoax and a visual imitation of community.

one person who lived it

Focus on enjoying the process of socializing rather than forcing results.

Focusing on results drains motivation; enjoying the process makes results feel like milestones.

one person who lived it

Appreciate cordial behavior between parents or exes as a positive model.

One person appreciated their parents' consistent cordiality.

• Based on one person's appreciation of their parents' behavior.

one person who lived it

Understand that social bias often favors those perceived as popular, particularly those with an active social media presence showing engagement and photos with others.

People operate on bias.

one person who lived it

Research bathroom facilities and expectations for camping trips beforehand.

Knowing the situation allows you to seek advice if needed.

one person who lived it

Recognize that Southern US hospitality is high-surface-level and low-prep, while Northern hospitality is lower-key but deeper.

Southern visits are low-prep and high surface level; Northern socializing is brisker but invitations imply deeper connection.

one person who lived it

Avoid acting like a wallflower or hiding in corners; actively engage with your environment.

Standing passively with hands in pockets is described as unsuccessful in social and dating contexts.

one person who lived it

Make friends individually based on personal compatibility rather than trying to fit into pre-existing groups.

Groups are hard because everyone has to vibe, whereas focusing on individual connections prevents feeling left out.

one person who lived it

Choose conducive settings for deeper relationships, such as quiet cafes or low-difficulty hikes, rather than loud group events.

Group conversations or concerts are probably not opportunities for deep conversation.

one person who lived it

Read the room to determine if a celebrity prefers admiration or normal interaction.

Some enjoy extra treatment while others want normal conversation; it is not always black and white.

one person who lived it

Focus on listening to let others share their passions, but ensure you also contribute something to avoid appearing boring or disinterested.

People prefer listeners and view those who listen as friends; however, a lack of contribution can make you seem extremely boring or disinterested.

one person who lived it

Consider that limited friendship experience may prevent you from understanding how certain friendships function.

Having few friends limits perspective on social dynamics.

one person who lived it

Pursue real relationships instead of transactional sexual encounters for greater fulfillment.

It is more fulfilling.

one person who lived it

Consider external factors like season or relationship type before assuming a specific action caused a social failure.

Correlation does not equal causation; other variables may be affecting the outcome.

one person who lived it

Invest significant effort into developing friendships from scratch, recognizing that it requires active engagement like cooking a meal.

Developing friendships takes activation energy; you cannot expect results without providing heat, stirring, and timing.

one person who lived it

Recognize that focusing on personal improvement may negatively impact your social life.

One person reported this as their experience.

one person who lived it

Recognize that appearing overly confident or having many friends can intimidate others, leading them to assume you already have plans.

Others may feel intimidated or assume you are unavailable.

one person who lived it

Recognize that appearing 'boring' may be a misinterpretation of deep intellectual contemplation rather than a lack of eventfulness.

Being caught in thought or lacking mannerisms can be misconstrued as boring when one is actually intellectually stimulated.

one person who lived it

Recognize that physical attractiveness and 'pretty privilege' influence how much people like and approach you.

Pretty privilege is ingrained in society.

one person who lived it

Fulfill social needs through community activities such as volunteering, worship, teaching, or mentorship instead of relying solely on traditional friendship.

These activities can provide energy and a sense of connection.

one person who lived it

Focus on in-the-moment interaction and natural expression of interest rather than relying on robotic strategies or excessive thinking.

Interaction is more important than thinking; life is about relationship in the moment.

one person who lived it

Demand equality and mutual interest in relationships rather than accepting a dynamic where one person always chases.

Interest must be mutual.

one person who lived it

Stop overthinking physical attributes when interpreting stares; do not assume staring is about your attractiveness.

Questioning why someone looked at you based on your own attractiveness is overthinking.

one person who lived it

Maintain separate interests and experiences outside the relationship to generate fresh conversation topics.

Having distinct hobbies allows partners to share unique experiences with each other.

one person who lived it

Ask questions about others only when you genuinely care, avoiding fake interactions.

Fake interactions are discouraging because the connection isn't genuine.

one person who lived it

Do activities together with people to create new experiences and memories, rather than just talking.

Shared experiences and memories are necessary to connect deeply.

one person who lived it

Recognize that perceptions of mistreatment vary by personality; what one person views as sarcastic verbal jabs, another may enjoy.

Compatibility matters regarding perceived treatment.

one person who lived it

Approach a stranger directly despite potential awkwardness, listening carefully for genuine appreciation.

Genuine appreciation may follow initial discomfort.

one person who lived it

Continuously nurture relationships and provide new stimulus rather than relying on initial impressions.

Your initial impression will not carry you forever; people like continuous stimulus.

one person who lived it

Balance professional productivity with social engagement to maintain interest from potential partners.

Focusing exclusively on work and becoming too serious can cause romantic interest to decline despite professional success.

one person who lived it

Discuss family faults honestly with a partner to plan around them, such as limiting time or scheduling activities, rather than hiding issues.

Honesty allows couples to set up shorter visits and plan activities to manage difficult family dynamics.

one person who lived it

Examine whether your interest is piqued by someone's lack of availability or reciprocity, rather than genuine compatibility.

People often take available partners for granted while chasing those who are harder to get.

one person who lived it

Engage with topics other than your own interests during conversations to avoid appearing narcissistic.

Assuming conversations must revolve solely around your hobbies implies others cannot find you interesting otherwise.

one person who lived it

Recognize that physical closeness does not necessarily indicate attraction if no proper move was made.

People may engage in similar behaviors with friends they are not attracted to.

one person who lived it

Take up daily interactions, such as saying hello at the gym, without overcomplicating it.

Simple interactions can eventually become meaningful and help you connect with people.

one person who lived it

Manage your personal hygiene carefully, as it can quickly get out of control in social settings like conventions.

Poor hygiene discourages social approach.

one person who lived it

Pay attention to body language and facial expressions to gauge interest.

Signs like looking at a phone often indicate boredom, discomfort, or rudeness.

one person who lived it

Avoid using small talk questions solely as a tactic to get others to reciprocate; instead, ask genuine questions or engage in casual chat.

The format of answering and immediately asking the same question back feels robotic and has hidden intention.

one person who lived it

Accept that low energy after a demanding work week may limit your desire to socialize, recognizing that others' desires can feel draining.

Excessive work during the week leads to a need for recovery on weekends, which can cause resentment if others have different desires.

one person who lived it

Consider that staring might be due to the observer being socially unaware rather than interested.

They may be non-threatening due to social unawareness.

one person who lived it

Interpret a lack of response to 'I love you' as potentially due to the recipient's discomfort or uncertainty, especially among men, rather than rejection.

Social norms often make men uncertain about handling platonic 'I love you,' leading to awkward silence rather than dislike.

one person who lived it

If you feel you must change your personality to attract a partner, research the concept of 'masking' and seek out neurodivergent communities where you can be authentic.

one person who lived it

Avoid posting 'Happy Anniversary' or 'Happy Birthday' for your partner on social media.

It comes across as either impersonal or begging for attention.

one person who lived it

Ensure confidence is not mistaken for arrogance.

Confidence is often mistaken for arrogance.

one person who lived it

View taking a breather during family gatherings as a positive act rather than antisocial behavior.

Taking a break is often mistakenly seen as miserable or antisocial, but it is underrated.

one person who lived it

Adopt the mindset of 'will I like her?' instead of 'will she like me?' when approaching someone.

It takes pressure off you.

2 people, independently

• Shift your focus from seeking their approval to evaluating if you actually like them.3
• Stop worrying about whether you are likable; instead, ask yourself if the other person impresses or appeals to you.1

Be weird, free, and yourself when meeting people.

Life is very short.

2 people, independently

• Be yourself and talk to people with no expectations of friendship.1

Quit seeking universal approval and recognize that a lack of popularity does not reduce your value.

Chasing validation from others is hollow, and being disliked by some people has no real impact on you.

3 people, independently

Imagine meeting yourself face-to-face. Would you enjoy being friends with that person?

3 people, independently

Keep doing what you enjoy and stop worrying about where you belong.

It may fall into place eventually, or it may not, but at least you will have enjoyed yourself.

• It might not fall into place.

one person who lived it

Understand that most people are indifferent to you, with only small percentages loving or hating you.

Just how life works.

one person who lived it

Live your life and stop worrying about whether people dislike you.

You have one life.

one person who lived it

If you find yourself trying to please others or acting like someone else, stop and return to your true self.

Trying to be someone else is just a shell.

one person who lived it

• If you feel pressured to mold yourself for others, look inside to identify what genuinely makes you happy and act on that instead.1
• Stay authentic instead of conforming to stereotypes.4

Learn who you are before trying to find where you belong.

If you don't know your own identity, you won't get anywhere.

one person who lived it

Figure out who you are first to identify who you will relate to.

From knowing yourself, it is easy to see who you'll relate to.

one person who lived it

Do not confide in people who share others' secrets unless you are sure they are reliable.

People who disclose other people's private information to you may not keep your own confidential.

5 people, independently

Value your own time and show respect for others' by being punctual, as lateness is a form of disrespect.

Being on time is a great habit and one of the simplest methods to demonstrate or withhold courtesy.

3 people, independently

Remove people who bring negativity into your life and pull you down.

6 people, independently

• Leave toxic environments where people are negative and work on yourself.2
• Actively alter your mind to become optimistic after realizing you have absorbed negativity from others.1

Approach the person despite fear of awkwardness, as regretting inaction is worse than regretting action.

You will regret decisions you don't make more than those you do.

one person who lived it

Stop chasing approval, as it shrinks your life and causes you to lose sight of your true self and what matters to you.

Over time, moving based on others' opinions makes you lose track of your real self.

one person who lived it

Focus more on yourself and your own enjoyment rather than obsessing over tight-knit groups' dynamics.

You do not need to be in a tight-knit group to exist, have a good time, or meet other people.

one person who lived it

Stop focusing on yourself; observe others and notice how the world shifts when you do.

3 people, independently

• Stop assuming people are thinking or talking about you, recognizing that most are focused on their own lives.2

Stop worrying about others' opinions; they are too busy dealing with their own issues to focus on you.

Most people are self-absorbed and rarely consider you.

6 people, independently

• Remind yourself that most people are preoccupied with their own insecurities and do not have time to scrutinize you.3

Own your biases and remain open to having them corrected by others.

Real change happens this way.

one person who lived it

Spend your leisure time with people who let you act naturally.

• You cannot always choose who you hang around with for professional or personal progress.
• Adaptation and dealing with different groups may be necessary.

3 people, independently

• Confidently be yourself when spending time with someone you enjoy.1

If you miss out on one person, forget about it and move on.

Acting like this is the last chance sets you up for failure.

2 people, independently

Do not wait for universal approval to pursue your goals.

People-pleasing does not increase how much others like you; it only decreases how much you like yourself.

one person who lived it

Care about yourself and your own standards rather than what others think, while ensuring you do not become an asshole.

One approach that helped: raising kids this way made them better people.

one person who lived it

Adopt the mindset 'go where you're celebrated not where you're tolerated.'

It helps.

2 people, independently

Stop overestimating how much others think about you; realize that people forget conflicts or awkwardness after two weeks, so return to normal life.

People generally do not think about us as much as we assume.

one person who lived it

• Realize that most people are focused on themselves and have likely already moved on from your mistake.1

Accept that both your outgoing and quiet sides are part of you so others will eventually accept both.

Letting others think there are two versions of you prevents them from seeing that both are actually you.

one person who lived it

Build yourself by starting with curiosity about the world and then doing things, either alone or in groups.

Finding yourself is bullshit; you build yourself.

one person who lived it

To experience true belonging, be yourself and embrace being weird rather than trying to change.

Trying to change yourself prevents true belonging.

one person who lived it

Speak whatever comes to mind without judging it, remembering that people are just normal people like you.

Don't put pressure on yourself.

one person who lived it

View yourself as an acquired taste rather than a bad one, accepting that not everyone will like you immediately.

Being an acquired taste does not mean you are a bad taste.

one person who lived it

Stop trying too hard to please everyone and focus on your own hobbies and interests.

Trying too hard can make you appear needy.

one person who lived it

Keep doing your thing without overthinking it.

You will be fine.

one person who lived it

Write off people who don't like you and do not waste time thinking about them.

It is their problem, not yours, if they do not want things to change.

one person who lived it

Do not rely on social media accounts as a source of truth.

Relying on them is false.

one person who lived it

Focus on doing the job you were employed to do well, rather than helping others with their tasks.

You are judged on your own job, not on the tasks you help others with.

one person who lived it

Think of an ex-partner as a country you visited for vacation but couldn't live in, and focus on how much more of the world there is to see.

It helps.

one person who lived it

Work out whether you are choosing the right crowds by comparing your dress and behavior to those around you.

You might be picking the wrong crowds if you do not match how they dress or order.

one person who lived it

Distance yourself from social climbers for a while and analyze them from afar to see what they are trying to do.

You don't want to waste your energy.

one person who lived it

Do not waste time around people you hate because life is short.

Life is short.

one person who lived it

Walk your own path and be prepared to walk alone if others do not follow; do not let negative peers drag you down.

Negative peers will drag you down to their level.

one person who lived it

Stop trying to please everyone; accept that being non-polarizing prevents people from truly liking you.

Trying not to offend people often results in them not liking you either.

one person who lived it

Avoid being a pushover or yes-man, as excessive niceness can cause others to lose respect for you.

Being too nice can turn people off.

one person who lived it

• Set clear boundaries from the beginning so people do not take advantage of your niceness; you can be nice without being a doormat.2

Formulate your own opinions and stand for things rather than trying to please everyone.

Trying to be a friend to everyone results in being a friend to no one.

one person who lived it

Spend time with people who currently like you to remind yourself that you are loved and cared for.

This serves as your support system.

one person who lived it

Do not try too hard to connect; focus on yourself when others do not focus on you, as this demonstrates self-respect.

It shows you have self respect.

one person who lived it

Reject cool indifference and be brave enough to care deeply and show up consistently.

Real strength is shown by giving everything you have.

• It can feel exhausting when the majority of interactions are with detached people.

one person who lived it

Take a course on setting boundaries and sticking to them guilt-free.

One person found paying for an online course worth every penny.

one person who lived it

Do not fake agreeableness to please everyone.

It is exhausting to play a character that is not real, and it is not right.

one person who lived it

Let go of immature, self-absorbed people who treat you as a side pal by making plans then dumping them for something 'better'.

You can do better.

one person who lived it

Let go of the need to control how others feel about you to become freer to find genuine connections.

You can't control what others feel about you, and letting go of control allows you to find someone you could genuinely connect with.

one person who lived it

Guard your personality from strangers and do not let their opinions matter if they do not know you well.

Opinions from people who do not truly know you hold little value.

one person who lived it

Do not delete all your social media accounts or change your life drastically because of toxic people.

That is what they want.

one person who lived it

If no one in your community listens to your interests, consider moving to a different place.

Some places are unwilling to listen to certain interests.

• Only if you cannot find anyone in your current community willing to listen.

one person who lived it

Practice deep empathy and active listening to understand others' moods and care about them.

It is the number one skill for connection.

one person who lived it

If you no longer vibe with someone, go your separate ways.

It is unfair to let them think everything is the same when you are not feeling it anymore.

one person who lived it

Match other people's energy levels and mood to connect with them.

People tend to like those who remind them of themselves.

one person who lived it

Adopt the mindset that losing a connection is the other person's loss, not yours, to reduce people-pleasing behavior.

This mindset makes social interactions easier by reducing concern for what others think.

• It is easier said than done and may be a work in progress.

one person who lived it

Take pride in your accomplishments in work and hobbies by comparing yourself to your past self rather than others.

Recognizing hard work builds pride without arrogance.

• Do not become arrogant.

one person who lived it

Respect yourself and expect respect from others, as a lack of self-respect gives others no reason to respect you.

3 people, independently

Look for common habits in how a person treats others.

They might be treating you similarly, even if you do not realize it yet.

one person who lived it

Stick to your values and avoid acting inauthentically to fit in.

Straying from your values to chase excitement can make you feel sick and disconnected from who you really are.

one person who lived it

Do not blame others for failing to pick up on indirect hints that you need help.

Anticipating others' needs without being told is not an exact science.

one person who lived it

If you feel you do not fit into your current social group, change it rather than seeking approval from those who dislike you.

Social groups are subjective.

one person who lived it

Connect with people through your weaknesses rather than trying to impress them with your strengths.

Strengths impress, but weaknesses connect.

one person who lived it

Accept the role of group leader if you value cohesion.

The leader is the one who cares most about getting together; you often get what you want, though you are always the one to put yourself out there.

one person who lived it

Make mistakes, learn from them, and adapt.

Adult life demands adult skills.

one person who lived it

Keep a calm presence.

It makes others feel secure, free from pressure to perform, which is attractive.

one person who lived it

Do not feel guilty about withholding trust; remember that trust should be earned.

Trust should be earned.

one person who lived it

Be wary of people who appear exceptionally nice to you if multiple others describe them as two-faced.

They might turn on you.

one person who lived it

Be blunt and self-aware rather than fake, as genuineness is attractive.

People like those who are not snobs, blunt, and self-aware, whereas many others are fake and act how they think they are supposed to.

one person who lived it

Concentrate on factors within your power and release attachment to those outside it.

7 people, independently

• Concentrate on the current moment instead of worrying about what might happen later.3

Stop viewing potential partners as superior or 'out of your league'; recognize that there is no inherent social gap between equals.

There is no such thing as a social gap; mutual liking is what matters.

one person who lived it

Be totally honest about being nervous and be yourself instead of trying to be who you think she wants.

Being yourself is much easier than pretending.

one person who lived it

When something bad happens, ask yourself if you will remember it on your wedding day or when your child starts school.

This perspective reveals that the current event does not matter in the long run.

one person who lived it

Be yourself rather than acting to make friends; let people think you are weird if they want, as some will eventually take interest in your true self.

Acting only attracts other people who are acting.

one person who lived it

• Be completely yourself rather than acting fake, as pretending will likely be seen through quickly.3
• Stop pretending to be sociable to gain friends; remain true to yourself and wait for people who like you for who you are.3
• Be yourself rather than putting on an act to fit in, as pretending is exhausting and unsustainable.2
• Accept your distinct qualities and act authentically rather than using tricks to fit in.3
• Be yourself in social circles to naturally attract your actual equals.1
• Act authentically everywhere, correct yourself when you slip, and accept not being liked so that connections can form naturally.1
• Be genuine and do not force relationships with people who are genuinely not interesting.1
• Act authentically to draw in people who appreciate the real you, eliminating the stress of keeping up a false front.6

Learn to like yourself and find happiness in doing your own thing to build confidence.

Confidence will follow self-acceptance, which in turn attracts romantic interest.

one person who lived it

Internalize that there is nothing wrong with you if you behave appropriately, and trust that others are likely socially normal.

It helps take the leap of faith to connect with others.

one person who lived it

Watch and emulate other people, and become less reaction-driven.

This helped one person get ahead of the game.

one person who lived it

Show your quirky, awkward, and imperfect self rather than hiding your flaws to appear perfect.

Hiding flaws leaves nothing for people to connect to; showing your true self helps people like you more.

one person who lived it

Focus on your goals and ambitions rather than worrying about who will be your friend.

You should shape the environment around you instead of letting it shape you.

one person who lived it

• Surround yourself with people who are actively working toward big goals.1

Embrace your flaws with confidence instead of fighting them.

• Based on one person's realization.

3 people, independently

• Focus on your strengths instead of trying to fix your weaknesses.3

Show vulnerability to people who are not afraid of it or willing to show it back.

It is described as magic.

one person who lived it

Match the group's energy level by being only slightly higher than the current vibe.

Coming in with much higher energy is perceived as weirder than coming in with lower energy.

one person who lived it

Present your true self honestly to attract people who are interested in who you really are.

Honest self-presentation stems from maturity and confidence, ensuring that those who stay are drawn to the real you.

one person who lived it

Develop the ability to take rejection well so that fear of hurt no longer prevents you from being fully yourself.

Knowing others don't have the power to hurt you frees you to show full vulnerability.

one person who lived it

Identify your deeply held views and default nature to avoid defaulting to others' opinions.

If you don't have deeply held views, you will always default to others'.

one person who lived it

Accept that making mistakes while socializing is okay, as it shows you are human and allows people to connect with you more.

It shows you are human and allows people to connect with you more.

one person who lived it

Identify and fix the superficial behaviors that make people not like you, rather than assuming it is who you are.

There is a high chance the issue is surface content, not your actual self.

one person who lived it

Show your true colors instead of holding back to please everyone, so you can connect with people who like you for who you are.

Filtering every word to please others hides your authentic self.

one person who lived it

• Reveal your true self rather than hiding behind a persona.1

Project confidence to attract social interest.

People often mistake boldness for positive traits and are drawn to confident people.

• Overconfidence is also noticeable to many people.

2 people, independently

Embrace discomfort with a smile as a sign that you are doing something right.

Feeling uncomfortable indicates you are doing something right.

one person who lived it

Stop lamenting what a situation isn't so you can enjoy what it is.

Lamenting prevents enjoyment of the current reality.

one person who lived it

Find meaning and purpose by doing something every day that you would be proud of, rather than living on autopilot.

Living on autopilot never ends well.

one person who lived it

Accept that you are not for everyone and focus on finding the one or two people who are compatible.

one person who lived it

• Accept that you may be 'too much' for some people and find friends who appreciate your nature instead.1

Notice and value the unexpected people who appear to help you in times of need.

These people may care for you more deeply than those who only offer superficial support like heart emojis or thoughts and prayers.

one person who lived it

Adopt a mindset of 'giving' value rather than 'taking' when approaching others.

3 people, independently

• Show kindness because it reflects your character, not to gain anything from them.7
• Act out of kindness and love rather than lust or greed when approaching strangers.1
• Look to see that others have enough rather than comparing the quantity of their resources to yours.1

Be self-aware to eliminate annoying behaviors, but avoid being self-conscious.

It is a good thing.

one person who lived it

Approach others with the simple desire to connect, similar to how children just want someone to play with, rather than overthinking expectations.

Adults often measure each other up, but kids do not.

one person who lived it

Be your natural self rather than acting cold or maintaining a fake persona.

Acting something you aren't feels horrible and is not worth it if you can't hold up a facade forever.

2 people, independently

Think carefully about who deserves your kindness and do not give everyone your time.

Your time is too valuable.

one person who lived it

• Recognize that if someone is not worth your time, they are not worth yours.1

Behave in alignment with your own values and ethics, accepting that you cannot control how others perceive you.

Everyone views things through their own lens of life.

one person who lived it

Accept losing friends who liked your portrayed persona rather than your true self.

You are not losing anything real if they were attached to a false image.

one person who lived it

Focus on changing how you present yourself to the world rather than altering who you are deep down.

Your essential self should remain unchanged.

one person who lived it

Balance helping others with maintaining your own boundaries; do not put yourself last to the point of losing your 'spine'.

Some people dislike it when others act without their consent or lack a backbone.

one person who lived it

Put yourself out there and hope for the best when seeking decent people; do not get discouraged if you have to keep trying, as decent people are out there.

Decent people are out there.

one person who lived it

Recognize that you do not deserve for others to put in the same effort or engage in the same way you do.

People are different.

one person who lived it

• Recognize that you are not morally obligated to provide emotional labor to family or friends who do not deserve it.1

Do not worry about who sits with whom.

Professors and speakers are focused on their own tasks and do not care.

one person who lived it

Suggest that someone claiming a job is easy try doing it themselves to see if it is actually hard.

They might learn it is a hard job.

one person who lived it

Be proactive in life and throw yourself out there.

It will pay off.

one person who lived it

Be authentic and stop trying to impress people; those who stay when you don't edit yourself are potential friends.

Adapting too much to others can be problematic, while authenticity is attractive.

one person who lived it

Choose to be disliked for who you are rather than loved for who you are not.

2 people, independently

Channel negativity toward activities that benefit you, as one person found that hating their own work drove them to perfect and hone their craft.

Hating what you create can drive you to perfect and hone your craft.

one person who lived it

Concentrate on showing genuine interest in others rather than trying to make them interested in you.

12 people, independently

• Be genuinely interested in others to become interesting yourself.1
• Shift focus from making others care about you to actively caring about them by getting to know everyone in a group.1

Trust your instinct when a situation feels wrong or off.

Sticking to that feeling helped one person personally.

one person who lived it

Do not take it personally when adults do not ask how you are frequently.

one person who lived it

View others' success as motivation to persevere through your own challenges to get similar results.

Seeing their success can restore confidence and clarify the effort needed to reach those heights.

• Based on one person's experience after regaining confidence.

one person who lived it

Be open about specific interests like programming or math rather than hiding them to fit in.

There are many other people who share these passions.

one person who lived it

Disconnect your energy from other people's desires rather than trying to fulfill them.

It is often necessary and not mean.

one person who lived it

Guard your energy by saying no and avoiding situations that require you to compromise your values or fit in.

Time is the one thing we should be toughest misers with, yet we waste it thinking little of its value compared to property and money.

one person who lived it

Genuinely like others and be your authentic self instead of wearing a mask.

Others are unlikely to like your true self if you are not being genuine, nor will they likely like your facade.

one person who lived it

Observe how a new acquaintance treats retail staff to gain insight into their true behavior toward others.

It reveals behavior without rose-colored glasses.

• Inviting people out shopping immediately after meeting them may be impractical if you lack shopping money.

one person who lived it

Love yourself to convey effortless confidence.

You will be happy and comfortable even when alone.

one person who lived it

Provide honest feedback to friends when their work or ideas are flawed.

Honesty about poor output is highly valued over false praise.

one person who lived it

Do not expend emotional energy on people who do not reciprocate it.

You cannot give care if you are not given any.

one person who lived it

Tell stories about silly mistakes you made rather than stories where you are the hero.

It makes you more relatable to others.

one person who lived it

Do not say 'I love you' back unless you genuinely mean it and it feels natural.

3 people, independently

Integrate into groups like school or church where you are valued for skills rather than temperament.

You may be taken seriously because of the value you bring that does not depend on temperament.

one person who lived it

Keep being yourself rather than pretending to be someone else, even if it means being alone.

One person found it better to be alone than to deal with nasty people, and another made tons of friends once they stopped trying to fit in and embraced their true identity.

one person who lived it

Apply to transfer colleges if you are unhappy, rather than waiting for things to potentially improve.

Things might get better, but they might not.

one person who lived it

Adopt a mindset of being yourself and having fun with people rather than trying to curry favor.

This leads to playful banter.

one person who lived it

• Focus on hanging out and having fun rather than trying to entertain or perform for others.3

Judge reliability by consistency in small tasks; if someone is inconsiderate in small ways, they likely will not care about impacts in big ways.

If people can't do the little things, we cannot expect them to do the hard things.

one person who lived it

Be open to people you are not comfortable around.

It allows you to grow emotionally.

one person who lived it

Ignore what others say about you, focusing instead on living according to your own ideals and moral code.

Living by your own ideals prevents their words from hurting you.

one person who lived it

Be yourself and do not force connections or fake it, accepting that there is nothing wrong with your personality.

If you fake it, meaningful relationships will be based on a lie and you will inevitably feel obligated.

one person who lived it

Use your self-awareness to help those struggling with inclusion and give them confidence.

People will see you differently over time.

one person who lived it

Accept that you can only directly experience your own life, which limits how well you can understand others.

Everything we know about other people is second-hand information.

one person who lived it

Focus on what you need to feel fulfilled rather than comparing yourself to others on social media.

Comparing yourself to others can make you upset because some people have an easier life in certain aspects.

2 people, independently

Do not view interview rejections as a total indictment of your character.

Rejection is often just one party feeling it is not a great fit, not a damning truth about you.

one person who lived it

Raise your standards and self-belief so that not connecting with certain groups becomes a non-issue, recognizing that you likely won't like them either.

You likely won't like them either.

one person who lived it

Show confidence and highlight the value you bring rather than focusing on your faults.

People are drawn to self-confidence regardless of circumstances.

one person who lived it

View love as a way of living rather than an objective to get.

one person who lived it

• Treat love as a skill to be learned in giving and receiving.1

Do not change who you are; trust that you will find your people eventually.

one person who lived it

• Find your tribe instead of molding yourself to fit others, recognizing that your authentic self is valuable.2

Wish healing upon those who hurt you rather than wishing them pain.

one person who lived it

Do not give up on turning your life around; it is only too late when you are on your deathbed.

one person who lived it

Accept that being 'weird' is not a barrier; look for someone who matches your 'freak'.

one person who lived it

View yourself as a unique piece of a jigsaw puzzle that stands on its own, rather than trying to 'fit in'.

one person who lived it

Find your tribe by starting with yourself as the first member.

one person who lived it

Remember that when you find your people, you will no longer feel the pain of exclusion.

one person who lived it

Judge whether someone likes you by their actions rather than their words.

People rarely state dislike directly; they demonstrate it through behavior, such as flaking on plans.

one person who lived it

Stop letting others use you for their gain; maintain self-respect by calling out their behavior.

Being a 'footstool' allows others to elevate themselves at your expense.

one person who lived it

Act genuinely and calmly instead of performing to impress others.

People see through acting and find it annoying.

one person who lived it

Stop putting the other person on a pedestal.

Putting them on a pedestal is why you are overthinking.

one person who lived it

Practice focusing on the long-term big picture rather than just the immediate present.

It is a useful critical skill.

one person who lived it

Re-work out your interests and identity at your current age to discover what is fun for you now, rather than what you thought was dumb years ago.

one person who lived it

Take more time for yourself and say no to things you won't enjoy to preserve energy for overlooking others' flaws.

Keeping boundaries helps you be more understanding of others.

one person who lived it

Trust your instincts and set boundaries when relationships are not mutual.

You deserve respect.

one person who lived it

Act on the impulse to approach immediately rather than overanalyzing or waiting years for a perfect moment.

3 people, independently

Act out of love or compassion instead of fear of judgment.

Social connection will come automatically when you act from these positive motivations.

one person who lived it

Use showing vulnerability as a test to quickly identify who to keep around and who to discard.

Being open reveals who supports you versus who exploits you (likened to a doctor stopping bleeding vs. a vampire sucking blood).

2 people, independently

• Only be vulnerable with people who have demonstrated care for you on multiple occasions.1

Imagine yourself in 70 years to realize that current opinions rarely matter long-term.

Opinions about you have changed many times, yet it has never mattered.

one person who lived it

View boundary-setting as a protective measure against exploitation.

If you won't set boundaries, someone will exploit it.

one person who lived it

Direct your good deeds toward people who recognize and appreciate them.

You have a limited capacity for good deeds, similar to the limited waking hours in a day.

one person who lived it

Admit your own nervousness or desire to talk to show true feelings, making you appear more human and relatable.

Showing true feelings makes you more human and relatable.

one person who lived it

Do not take poor treatment personally; recognize it as a reflection of the other person's flaws rather than your own worth.

People who treat others as disposable act that way because of their own character, viewing you merely as an object in their mind.

one person who lived it

Shift the goal of socializing from trying to impress or please others to seeing if you like them and can connect with them.

one person who lived it

Do not waste time trying to please everyone or engaging with hypocritical or narcissistic people or groups.

You can't please everyone.

one person who lived it

Study the behaviors and mindset of people who are widely liked by everyone.

One person found this approach really helped them.

one person who lived it

Accept occasional rejection as a positive filter, ensuring only those who truly resonate with you stay in your life.

The people who stick around are the ones you want there.

one person who lived it

Focus on clarity and consistency over likability to build respect and set clear expectations.

While not everyone will agree with you, knowing what to expect from you generates more respect than trying to please everyone.

• When working with people constantly, there is a fine line between staying true to your desires and becoming difficult to coordinate.

one person who lived it

Consider yourself first when deciding to contact others; it is not selfish.

You may be lacking confidence.

one person who lived it

Do not view people as assets or look down on them; recognize that people value different things, which does not make you better or them worse.

one person who lived it

Be present and enjoy the social interaction rather than trying to gauge someone's character.

People can sense different motives and may put their guard up.

one person who lived it

Focus on being interesting rather than just nice, as people value interesting traits more.

People claim to like nice people but actually prefer interesting ones.

one person who lived it

Adjust expectations by treasuring moments with people instead of clinging to permanence or control.

Clinging to things that are not permanent or fully controllable sets you up for disappointment.

one person who lived it

Come to terms with not being a 'social butterfly' and accept that you may not connect with many people.

one person who lived it

Be genuine instead of calculating how to get people to like you, as calculated behavior makes it hard for others to connect with you.

People want someone genuine; trying too hard comes off as calculated.

one person who lived it

Be confident but not cocky.

It makes a huge difference.

2 people, independently

Recognize that being nice does not guarantee you will receive niceness in return.

People are not programs; kindness is not a transactional input for a guaranteed output.

one person who lived it

Listen to your own social needs instead of conforming to group pressure or others' opinions about what you need.

Conforming leads to acting in an inauthentic way.

one person who lived it

Recognize that adults are often unsure of what they are doing and that there is no master plan.

one person who lived it

Judge a person's character by observing how they treat those in lower social or economic positions.

• Some argue that one should simply be nice to everyone regardless of hierarchy.
• This metric can be misleading if a person is generally unkind but polite to staff.

9 people, independently

Accept that you will make mistakes and learn from them rather than fearing failure.

Everyone makes mistakes, but they are opportunities to learn; making a mess is not fatal.

one person who lived it

Realize that you miss the feeling of involvement, not specific toxic people.

Once you settle into this realization, you won't care anymore.

one person who lived it

Drop your sculptured social face and be your authentic self.

One person realized they were not being themselves when maintaining a sculptured social face.

one person who lived it

Listen to open yourself to knowledge rather than repeating your own thoughts.

Talking about yourself means you learn nothing; listening opens you to knowledge.

one person who lived it

Accept that ignored messages are usually about the other person's priorities, not you.

People act according to their own realities.

one person who lived it

Let others decide whether they are disappointed in you rather than deciding for them.

Deciding for yourself ensures you will always be disappointed.

one person who lived it

Accept your partner's flaws and do not force them to change; understand you are two separate persons and love through appreciation, not possession.

2 people, independently

Adopt the mindset that 'we are all human' and on the same level when approaching others.

It helps reduce intimidation when doubting yourself or seeing someone as superior.

one person who lived it

Avoid draining yourself trying to win people's approval if they are not inclined to like you.

4 people, independently

Behave as if you are self-assured until that feeling becomes real for you.

3 people, independently

• Practice acting confident until the self-appreciation becomes real.1

Be vulnerable and really connect with people rather than hiding aspects of your life.

3 people, independently

Focus on yourself and move on; the group will likely turn on each other without you.

The group was already gnawing at each other, and removing yourself allows them to continue doing so while you focus on your own well-being.

one person who lived it

Reject the idea that you must change everything about yourself just so people will like a different version of you.

Asking someone to change everything to be liked is described as nonsense.

one person who lived it

When someone behaves badly, judge them by whether they realize the error, feel remorse, and attempt to atone, rather than solely on the act itself.

Their response makes their character more obvious than the initial bad act.

one person who lived it

Give value by sharing your truest self and making people laugh, rather than seeking validation.

Seeking validation makes you needy and taking instead of giving.

one person who lived it

Adopt a mindset of being confident yet humble, and listen to others with interest and without judgment.

People appreciate those who listen and take interest without judgment.

one person who lived it

Use questioning to help others reach self-realization rather than trying to correct them directly.

People rarely accept correction unless they realize the flaw on their own.

one person who lived it

Approach situations with a 'transformation vs. transaction' mindset by asking how you can be better and make things more fun, rather than just trying to get a specific item.

Focusing only on getting a specific item often yields results that aren't that awesome; focusing on transformation allows for broader improvement.

one person who lived it

Be authentic rather than holding back to please everyone, aiming for a few people who love you for who you are rather than many who are indifferent.

one person who lived it

Give others time to reflect before judging their apologies.

Apologies mean more when given time to ponder.

one person who lived it

Only give attention to people who give you attention; do not force interest if they aren't interested.

There are plenty of other options available.

one person who lived it

Stay out of the spotlight and focus on becoming successful until your achievements overshadow your past.

Living well can serve as revenge.

one person who lived it

Trust that being reserved and quiet is okay, as many charming and admirable people share these traits.

one person who lived it

Participate in others' interests if you want them to participate in yours.

People hate unfairness.

one person who lived it

Try new things and do not fear failure.

Failure builds character and generates interesting stories.

one person who lived it

Adopt kindness and benevolence as your purpose for treating other people well.

It motivates you.

one person who lived it

Understand that being a good person does not require being nice to everyone.

one person who lived it

Judge the stakes of a situation before deciding whether to act on bad vibes.

High-stakes situations require caution because they have the potential to go very wrong, while low-stakes situations allow for taking risks.

one person who lived it

Accept your accent as a positive trait that signals you have lived elsewhere.

It shows you've lived elsewhere, which is awesome and serves as a conversation starter.

one person who lived it

Work on one relationship at a time until you are comfortable and appreciate it, then move to another person.

Trying too hard makes you appear inauthentic, selfish, and arrogant.

one person who lived it

Be genuine and do not chase others' approval.

Fake behavior is instinctively picked up, causing others to dislike you and instantly lose respect for you.

one person who lived it

Move on immediately if someone does not like your personality, as you were never compatible to begin with.

You guys weren't compatible to begin with

one person who lived it

Give yourself time to mature if you are still essentially a teenager.

Teenage angst can skew perceptions.

one person who lived it

Clarify your core values and beliefs to better withstand judgment or rejection.

Knowing who you are prepares you for these experiences.

one person who lived it

Allow yourself to be authentic rather than trying to be acceptable to everyone.

Inauthenticity leads to double damage if you are rejected because you were not being yourself.

one person who lived it

Be genuinely yourself to allow incompatible people to steer clear before you meet them.

Incompatible people will avoid you if you are genuine, saving you from mismatched connections.

one person who lived it

Show comfort in your own skin and confidence, as people are attracted to confidence more than insecurity.

Confidence is more appealing than being swayed by other people's opinions.

one person who lived it

If someone distances themselves, do not chase them; instead, remain calm and emotionally centered.

Chasing causes people to run away, while staying cool may cause distant people to return happily.

one person who lived it

Be your authentic self instead of mirroring someone else's energy to deepen a relationship.

Matching energy means you are copying them and holding yourself back from being true to yourself.

one person who lived it

Talk to group members as friends rather than establishing a superior leader persona.

Trying to create a superior persona can fall apart and destroy your confidence.

one person who lived it

Share your personal perspective on topics rather than just stating facts.

There is a difference between throwing facts at people and sharing your personal take.

one person who lived it

Be assertive and authentic to make others comfortable, rather than relying solely on politeness.

Assertiveness and brashness signal that people can drop their own polite acts and see the real you.

one person who lived it

Focus on maintaining your own positive emotions rather than trying to manage the other person's feelings.

Good moods are contagious, and trying to manage her emotions is impossible and self-defeating.

one person who lived it

Accept that some people simply do not like you due to different beliefs, upbringings, or group identities.

People often build identity by holding resentments toward certain groups.

one person who lived it

Have no expectations so you can be yourself, allowing those who resonate to stick around.

It removes concern over how people receive you, filtering for genuine resonance.

one person who lived it

Accept that not every social interaction will be positive and be okay with rejection, otherwise you will never try.

Otherwise we'll never try.

2 people, independently

Value friends who admit when they are wrong quickly and apologize without excuses.

Quick admission shows integrity.

one person who lived it

View relationships like tide pools: they may appear dead but are waiting for the right conditions to revive.

one person who lived it

If an excluding group's values don't align with yours, accept that they may simply be incompatible rather than assuming fault.

• Only assume personal fault if their values are ones you find important.

one person who lived it

Cultivate charisma and style to become someone who fills gaps for others—providing entertainment, attraction, or communication—rather than seeking fulfillment from them.

People are inherently selfish and look for those who benefit them.

one person who lived it

Remember that everyone is struggling to find their place, regardless of how well others seem to cope.

one person who lived it

Project confidence and happiness to avoid appearing needy or like a sycophant.

Shallow people may not see past neediness or sycophancy.

2 people, independently

Leverage awkwardness as a charming trait rather than trying to hide it.

Being awkward can be perceived as cute.

one person who lived it

Focus on the energy exchange rather than just the words spoken.

one person who lived it

View rejections as victories rather than failures, recognizing that making the move itself is the hardest part.

The difficulty lies in taking action, not necessarily in the outcome's success.

one person who lived it

View the person as a normal human being rather than placing them on a pedestal or seeing them as unattainable.

2 people, independently

Be easy on yourself regarding cultural differences in demeanor.

What one person sees as harsh and rigid, another may see as hilariously dry wit.

one person who lived it

Identify and correct presumptions about yourself and others that cause you to appear closed off.

Believing no one will like you can lead to predicting failure and unknowingly appearing closed off.

one person who lived it

Approach new people with openness, but remember their opinions do not define your core self while you are still strangers.

one person who lived it

Maintain your authentic self rather than compromising your values to gain approval.

Compromising yourself to make others like you is desperate and makes you less likable; pretending to be someone else results in a hollow, shallow experience.

2 people, independently

Talk about whatever you are feeling because resistance persists, but do not load the message with excessive emotion.

Whatever I resist persists and I care about honesty.

one person who lived it

Journal your thoughts, track your dreams, and monitor your vices.

Looking at these aspects with a forgiving attitude may reduce their frequency or intensity over longer intervals.

one person who lived it

Endure awkwardness and fail repeatedly until a connection clicks.

It is necessary to build yourself up.

one person who lived it

Accept rejection as part of the process, viewing each attempt as practice since outcomes are unpredictable.

The outcome is a mystery regardless of planning; rejection leaves many other opportunities remaining.

one person who lived it

Project confidence and resourcefulness by appearing self-enough, since people prefer not to babysit others.

People like having access to resourceful people and do not want to manage others' lives.

one person who lived it

Focus on communicating joy and interest in others rather than worrying about your own potential mistakes.

People perceive self-directed worry as a lack of interest in them.

one person who lived it

Avoid sorting people into fixed categories; recognize that people are multifaceted and may share some interests while having others.

Thinking you are unlike others can lead to arrogance and make it harder to find connections.

one person who lived it

Apply consistent social rules to everyone rather than making special exceptions for those who are different, to remain honest and fair.

Changing usual rules just for specific people prevents you from fairly calling yourself honest and true.

one person who lived it

Identify qualities you appreciate in a person besides their looks and approach them without expecting anything in return.

People sense your vibe, and obsessing creates stress.

one person who lived it

Recognize that people likely do not hate you but have simply forgotten you exist if you are not essential to them.

one person who lived it

Do not lower yourself greatly for insignificant mistakes.

It sets a precedent that it is okay and expectable for others to treat you with excessive humility demands.

one person who lived it

Be assertive rather than people-pleasing or excessively friendly.

Excessive friendliness can lead to being walked all over.

one person who lived it

Be blunt and honest about your life history without making empty excuses.

Making empty excuses only hurts yourself.

one person who lived it

View realizing your own wrongness and taking responsibility as a personal gain rather than a loss.

It encourages sincere apologies by reframing the experience positively.

one person who lived it

Focus on authenticity over niceness by acknowledging and dealing with feelings of dislike toward certain people or things.

People crave authenticity more than niceness; understanding disagreement helps join others in becoming better versions of themselves.

one person who lived it

Understand that truly intelligent people often realize how little they know, whereas those who proclaim their intelligence may lack wisdom.

Intelligent people are painfully aware of unknown unknowns.

one person who lived it

Observe how others engage to gauge suitable conduct.

• one approach that helped: ...

3 people, independently

Change your behavior first and let your feelings follow, rather than trying to control emotions to change behavior.

Changing behavior is almost universally more effective than trying to control emotions to change behavior.

one person who lived it

Accept that mainstream preferences are popular because many people like them, rather than viewing them as basic or dumb.

Claiming uniqueness by dismissing common tastes makes you come across as unlikeable.

one person who lived it

Watch out for 'ringleaders' who may drive exclusionary behavior.

This is especially relevant if you are neurodiverse or non-conformist and do not defer to ringleaders.

one person who lived it

Instead of faking enthusiasm, tap into emotions that are already present and amplify them slightly.

Faking it does not work to improve expressiveness.

one person who lived it

Focus on working on yourself rather than devoting yourself to finding one specific person, trusting that interested partners will appear naturally.

You will find someone interested in joining your life soon enough if you keep working on yourself.

one person who lived it

Redirect the time spent envying others into studying or socializing with people yourself.

Focusing on others' activities causes you to miss opportunities for your own study and social life.

one person who lived it

Realize that no one notices your minor social blunders except you.

one person who lived it

Practice kindness, curiosity, and honesty while maintaining your authentic self rather than changing to fit others' expectations.

These traits are described as game changers.

one person who lived it

Stop wanting people you judge negatively to like you by identifying which personality traits you value versus those you find negative.

Recognizing that many people have negative traits makes it natural to stop seeking their approval and focus on liking yourself.

one person who lived it

Adopt a mindset where you pretend you can do anything you want, similar to the fun part of Groundhog Day after Bill Murray figures this out.

one person who lived it

Paint something together, embracing the experience even if you are both bad at it.

It is often better when neither participant is skilled.

one person who lived it

State what you dislike or general categories to avoid rather than specific demands.

Knowing dislikes narrows options more than listing likes.

one person who lived it

Direct your energy toward living the life you want instead of seeking approval.

Living authentically is likable.

one person who lived it

Avoid self-centered people who contribute nothing to conversations unless it is about them or waiting to tell their own story.

3 people, independently

Recognize that if you do not care when someone disrespects you, you are disrespecting yourself.

one person who lived it

Reject arbitrary social pressures to be normal.

These pressures are often bs.

one person who lived it

Treat socially powerful people as normal people and treat overlooked or marginalized people with exceptional respect.

It is refreshing for those usually treated as royalty to feel like a normal person, and it is uplifting for those rarely honored to feel valued.

one person who lived it

Practice non-neediness by being your honest self, accepting that people will either be attracted to you or repelled.

This uses polarization to create clear attraction or rejection based on authenticity.

one person who lived it

Recognize that a cultural background with rigid social standards may have trained you to read cues that are not present in your current context.

one person who lived it

Travel only because you want to, rather than expecting it to magically cure your problems.

Travel will not automatically fix internal issues.

one person who lived it

Check if a person returns shopping carts when nobody is looking.

This tests integrity and consideration for others in the absence of social pressure.

one person who lived it

Develop charisma by having opinions, doing interesting things, and complimenting actions, rather than relying solely on niceness.

Niceness does not draw people in; giving and playing do.

one person who lived it

Release biases about others' selfishness to more accurately distinguish between those who are selfish and those who are not.

Releasing bias allows for slightly more accurate grouping of people based on whether they are selfish or not.

one person who lived it

Stop suppressing your true self to fit in, as this approach is unsustainable and often ineffective.

one person who lived it

Choose authentic selfishness by doing things for others only when those actions resonate with your values.

one person who lived it

Do not always be available; back off to make your presence more meaningful and missed.

Constant availability diminishes the value of your presence.

one person who lived it

Talk less, smile frequently, and listen to understand others' opinions rather than broadcasting your own.

3 people, independently

Express your own opinions and personality rather than just pleasing others, as lacking distinct views can make you appear to have no personality.

People pleasers often fail to exhibit their own opinions, giving the impression of having little personality.

one person who lived it

• Avoid compromising your personality to please others, as this can make you seem bland and uninteresting.1

Recognize that venting about one incompetent coworker does not mean you hold everyone in low regard.

Some coworkers contribute nothing while others go above and beyond.

one person who lived it

Give people texture about your personality, tastes, and opinions to become more memorable rather than just delivering funny lines.

People connect to flaws, tastes, and opinions; without these details, you remain forgettable.

one person who lived it

Focus on activities that bring you joy, allowing compatible people to find you naturally.

4 people, independently

Be your natural self and engage in good, interesting conversations rather than putting on airs to impress.

Being one's natural self and making others laugh is considered more attractive than putting on airs.

one person who lived it

Write down your personality traits and mannerisms to view yourself introspectively and approach situations objectively.

Putting these things in writing allows you to see yourself more clearly.

one person who lived it

Reduce concern for the lives and actions of inconsequential people.

It increases happiness and approachability, as it is not your responsibility to set their lives in order.

one person who lived it

React naturally by focusing on having fun rather than overthinking.

Fun allows natural reactions to emerge without forced thinking.

one person who lived it

Do not label yourself as 'fake' for adapting or improving yourself.

one person who lived it

View boundary-setting as self-preservation and acting in your own best interest, regardless of how others frame it.

one person who lived it

Make regular customers feel important by welcoming them by name or joking around, rather than treating them like everyone else.

Being unrecognized can trigger a fear of being seen as 'standard' or insignificant.

one person who lived it

Cut off friends who respond to your personal successes with invalidation and callous dismissal.

Prioritizing self-respect is better than tolerating those who dismiss your achievements.

one person who lived it

Stop forcing questions and practice being genuinely curious; let inquiries arise naturally.

You usually have questions but shoot yourself down with insecurities.

one person who lived it

Develop traits of Enthusiasm, Confidence, Humor, and Optimism (ECHO).

These traits are almost universally appreciated.

one person who lived it

Avoid labeling people as narcissistic for talking about themselves to prevent negative behavioral seepage.

This extreme view can negatively influence your behavior.

one person who lived it

Show vulnerability.

Vulnerability brings people together.

one person who lived it

Behave genuinely rather than pretending to be extroverted, as disingenuousness is a turn-off.

Acting disingenuously is perceived negatively by others, while genuine behavior improves self-perception.

one person who lived it

Endure temporary discomfort rather than giving up, to avoid permanent regret.

Discomfort is temporary, regret lasts forever.

one person who lived it

Be merciful with yourself regarding mistakes.

Nobody makes no mistake.

one person who lived it

View apologizing as a sign of strength, integrity, and trustworthiness.

Owning mistakes demonstrates character, whereas refusing to apologize prioritizes ego over loved ones' feelings and breeds resentment.

one person who lived it

Ignore general social rules when dealing with people; instead, investigate the specific reasons behind that person's behavior.

Generalities only apply to groups, while conversations involve people.

one person who lived it

Avoid befriending people who only talk about their own interests without reciprocating interest in yours.

It indicates selfishness.

one person who lived it

Replace thoughts about how others perceive you with statements taking responsibility for your own behavior to reduce insecurity.

Taking responsibility for yourself can stop feelings of insecurity.

one person who lived it

Pursue a romantic interest even if rejection is likely, because receiving a clear answer is preferable to living in long-term uncertainty.

Rejection is better than the purgatory of uncertainty.

one person who lived it

Learn and appreciate the behaviors of neurotypical people to live successfully among them, rather than viewing yourself as superior.

It is necessary for successful coexistence.

one person who lived it

Gauge a partner's patience and gentleness by observing how they interact with your pets.

one person who lived it

Be vulnerable first, but ensure you do not appear needy; own your flaws confidently.

one person who lived it

Study avoidant-insecure attachment to gain insight into your actions.

8 people, independently

Focus on others rather than yourself when meeting new people to avoid appearing narcissistic.

Thinking about yourself instead of others can come across as narcissistic.

one person who lived it

Practice self-compassion and stop criticizing yourself for previous emotional responses such as rage or sorrow.

6 people, independently

Reevaluate your life if you are willing to physically fight someone over social media comments.

one person who lived it

Recognize that privilege is a lack of obstacles rather than just a wealth of opportunity.

one person who lived it

Recommend music based on specific reasons why it matches the listener's tastes rather than assuming everyone should appreciate what you find awesome.

People will respect your recommendations more if they are good.

one person who lived it

Understand that groups often solidify their identity by designating an 'out group' to ensure they remain in the 'in group'.

one person who lived it

Say no to obligations if you feel overwhelmed, recognizing that you have the agency to decline.

one person who lived it

Judge social cues, body language, and silences yourself to check if your behavior is acceptable, rather than expecting others to moderate it for you.

one person who lived it

Seek out communities aligned with your values or cultural background rather than trying to fit into the dominant culture.

one person who lived it

Feel your reaction and regulate it before taking appropriate action, rather than reacting immediately.

4 people, independently

Maintain an open mind when interacting with people from other countries, as differences can vary greatly.

Differences between groups can be small or abysmal.

one person who lived it

Verify if someone is staring at you by looking back directly, as peripheral vision often creates false impressions of being watched.

one person who lived it

Adopt the PIE concept: Positivity, Interest in others, and Enthusiasm, noting that enthusiasm is often missing due to insecurity.

3 people, independently

In college, be willing to roll with unexpected situations rather than sticking rigidly to a plan.

one person who lived it

Assume that people you perceive negatively likely possess softer, kinder qualities that you are not privy to.

one person who lived it

Rephrase explanations of your preferences casually rather than technically or superiorly.

A casual tone is more relatable.

one person who lived it

Observe positive role models by listening to their questions, watching their responses to negative comments, and noting how they share hopes, dreams, and small joys.

one person who lived it

Recognize that social media is a virtual imitation of community belonging rather than the real thing.

one person who lived it

Remember that people are primarily focused on themselves rather than judging you, and use this realization to your advantage.

one person who lived it

Verify if someone is actually looking at you before interpreting their gaze, as they may be looking behind you or at something else.

3 people, independently

Recognize that everyone is faking confidence and is equally clueless, which reduces intimidation.

one person who lived it

Maintain self-respect and avoid making unfair sacrifices to gain acceptance from incompatible groups.

one person who lived it

Avoid putting people on pedestals by recognizing that all humans are inherently similar in basic biological and emotional experiences.

one person who lived it

Define maturity as dealing with problems without making them everyone else's problem, and integrity as acting consistently even when no one is looking.

one person who lived it

Distinguish kindness (empathy without entitlement) from niceness (warmth and friendliness).

one person who lived it

Clarify if you truly belong in an environment where you are mistreated, considering that your talents will likely be appreciated elsewhere.

one person who lived it

Pursue activities that genuinely fascinate and develop you, aiming to exceed even your best expectations so your surroundings fall into line naturally.

one person who lived it

Develop empathy and skilled listening to become a confidant, a superpower that interesting people often lack.

one person who lived it

Observe others' behaviors as reflections of their own realities and insecurities, but do not absorb them personally.

one person who lived it

Consider the possibility that both society and you might be wrong to better understand reactions and navigate life without causing emotional upset to either side.

one person who lived it

Recognize that insulation is often about lifestyle and demographic denominators like religion or wealth rather than just geography.

one person who lived it

View conversations as shared experiences rather than competitions.

one person who lived it

Be skeptical of assessing character through actions alone, as actions can be manipulated.

Manipulation involves making actions lie.

one person who lived it

Join clubs or groups where you see the same people regularly to build bonds through shared activities.

Longest friendships share the trait of sharing time in activities; structured settings make socializing easier.

• Avoid places where people are not there to socialize.

4 people, independently

• Join a regular hobby group or class to build friendships through consistent proximity and shared experiences.11
• Join clubs based on common interests to meet regularly.1

Find a group or activity superior to your current friends' circle so they come to you.

It allows you to decide whether to invite them.

• Described as sounding cynical.

one person who lived it

• Reach out to people by inviting them to dinners, lunches, or activities, and talk to those with similar hobbies.1
• Start the social gatherings you desire rather than waiting for others to invite you.3
• Invite potential friends to join activities you are already doing, particularly if you share common interests.1
• Invite regular acquaintances from recurring activities to hang out afterward, such as grabbing food or drinks.3
• Practice inviting people to group activities or hosting simple gatherings like dinners.3
• Keep extending invitations to others for shared activities.5
• Plan and host gatherings for people you want to befriend, keeping sending invites regardless of whether they reciprocate immediately.1

Join hobby-based groups or classes to meet people with shared interests in low-pressure settings.

It is less pressure than explicitly trying to make friends.

3 people, independently

• Join a club or start a social hobby with the specific intention of making friends.19
• Put effort into yourself by participating in group activities like painting, exercise, cooking lessons, or book clubs to organically meet people with common interests.5
• Take college classes, join clubs, or volunteer to meet people in low-pressure settings.1
• Participate in interest-based groups or activities to encounter peers organically within a low-pressure structure.5
• Focus on activities and hobbies you enjoy rather than actively searching for a group.1
• Join clubs or meet-ups centered on your interests and keep attending without forcing friendship, letting it develop naturally.3

Join a hobby-based sport like tennis and play regularly to meet people over several months.

It is described as the best way to meet people, though it takes time.

one person who lived it

• Join a local sports team, class, or event to meet people while having fun.1

Attend one place a week for about a year to slowly make friends.

Consistent attendance over months leads to slowly making friends.

one person who lived it

Learn a musical instrument and attend jam sessions.

One person found this helped them make friends despite being quiet.

• Based on one person's experience

one person who lived it

Volunteer to help with tasks to reestablish old friendships or make new connections.

One person reestablished an old friendship and was treated to a thank-you dinner for a few hours of their time.

one person who lived it

Become a member of a club to meet people who share your hobbies.

Club membership offers an opportunity to link up with others who have similar passions.

3 people, independently

• Join a club focused on an activity you want to master.1

Find one close friend to occasionally hang out with, such as going to movies.

You don't need alcohol to enjoy these interactions.

one person who lived it

Seek social settings centered on your particular hobbies to connect with similar people.

It is simpler to converse beyond 10 words regarding activities you enjoy.

5 people, independently

• Look for shared interests on social platforms to connect with people who think alike.5
• Go to places where people share your interests to make engagement easier.1
• Join clubs or organizations related to your interests and actively socialize within them rather than just observing.1

Pick up new hobbies to expose yourself to different conversations and meet new people.

You never know who you might hit it off with.

2 people, independently

• Pick up hobbies that peak your interest so people with the same interests gravitate towards you.15
• Take up hobbies that involve exercise, meeting people, or learning something new.1
• If you want to improve your appearance and meet like-minded people, take up sports and new hobbies.1
• Explore new hobbies to create shared interests and conversation starters.1
• Put yourself in situations that increase your odds of meeting interesting people.4

Look for youth conferences near you to join groups.

One person found them to be the most amazing thing.

• Based on one person's experience in their province

one person who lived it

Join non-meetup-based sports leagues such as soccer, volleyball, basketball, or Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu gyms to build closer friendships.

One person noted that half of their friends came from their BJJ gym.

one person who lived it

• Consider joining Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu or other martial arts groups to connect with others who share similar interests and form friendships.4

Serve others, such as by donating time to Meals on Wheels through a church, to find friends.

Friendship can be found through service to others.

one person who lived it

Go to public places instead of staying in your room to widen your range and seek people.

People do not go to bedrooms to meet friends.

one person who lived it

Join intramural sports leagues to exercise and create an excuse to go to a pub with people afterwards.

It is a great way to make new friends.

one person who lived it

Play multiplayer video games and join a clan or guild to meet friends.

One person found this the easiest way to make best friends.

one person who lived it

• Use video games as a medium to make friends, as some people have successfully built friendships this way.7
• Attend video game tournaments or join communities for games with competitive scenes to meet people you can fully connect with.1

Join a sports group like tennis, boxing, football, or basketball.

These groups allow you to meet the same people on a daily basis.

one person who lived it

• Join a school club, sports team, or local hobby group to meet active people.8

Be fun, playful, and joke around to become someone others want to hang out with.

When deciding who to hang out with, people look for those they can have fun with.

one person who lived it

Try making friends with non-cliquey kids at school or use apps to make online friends so you can vent and be heard.

Non-cliquey kids may be more accepting; online apps allow you to vent and be heard.

one person who lived it

Get to know group members one at a time.

That's the only way.

one person who lived it

Seek friends through work colleagues or their friends.

One person found most of their friends, including a best friend, through this method.

one person who lived it

Seek friends outside of school who share common interests beyond just age and location.

People outside of school may have more in common with you than just your age and school.

one person who lived it

Take in-person English classes to practice your language and make friends.

It is a great way to work on your English and meet people.

one person who lived it

Have a bonfire with drinks.

It is an all-time favorite.

one person who lived it

Become a regular at a coffee shop or bar where the crowd matches the type of people you want to meet.

The more people see you, the more they get to know you, which allows you to get to know them.

one person who lived it

• Meet new people by joining gatherings, attending conferences, or initiating chats in cafes and bookstores.3

Seek out places where people with similar interests gather, such as clubs or public events.

Finding people with common interests makes making friends easier.

4 people, independently

• Socialize in interest groups and meetups rather than bars or clubs.1
• Pursue personal interests socially to meet people with shared interests.2
• Identify your specific interests and seek out online or in-person groups of people who share them to find mutual engagement.1
• Find a gathering for a hobby you enjoy.1
• Join clubs or communities centered on your specific hobbies to meet people with compatible interests.5
• Join clubs or groups centered on your hobbies to meet people with whom you connect more easily than with the general public.4
• Join hobbies, clubs, or school activities involving other people, such as sports or theater.2
• Locate meetups for shared interests like board games, hacker conferences, or Star Wars cosplay to find people similar to yourself.9
• Identify people with similar interests, preferably located near you, to use as a starting point for building connections.1

If you cannot leave the house for a traditional job, try working remotely, even part-time, to meet new people.

It helps you meet new people.

one person who lived it

Join hiking or walking groups instead of happy hour groups to meet more grounded people with less drama.

Happy hour groups often come with more drama.

one person who lived it

Join a club related to your major or field of study to meet peers and potentially build friendships.

One person reported joining a chemistry club when they had no friends in college, becoming an officer, and meeting cool people through it.

2 people, independently

• Join college clubs related to your major or hobbies to meet people with shared interests.1

Find friends through shared interests like live music shows to connect with people who respect your choices rather than judging non-participation in vices.

Common ground helps filter out those who look down on you if you don't partake in other stuff.

• Some people will look down on you if you do not partake in their activities.

one person who lived it

Change your lifestyle to put yourself in positions to meet more people.

This gives you more chances to click with others.

one person who lived it

• Spend time in settings where you feel at ease to boost the likelihood of meeting compatible people.3

Join a social sports club or team to get back into socializing regularly.

It helped one person get back into socializing by playing once a week.

one person who lived it

Focus on connecting with a few central people who know everyone else.

Knowing these key people can grant you access to the wider group.

one person who lived it

Join a social sports league where skill level is not required, such as dodgeball.

This approach successfully worked for one person.

one person who lived it

• Join recreational leagues like bowling, frisbee, or dance classes to socialize in low-pressure environments where skill level is not required.1
• Join recreational sports leagues such as kickball, pickleball, bowling, or softball.4

Check local game shops for board game nights or TCG events to meet similar people.

7 people, independently

Join clubs or sports teams to increase frequent contact with the same group of people, which makes it easier to become friends.

Frequent contact with the same group makes it easier to become friends.

one person who lived it

• Join a hobby, sports, or activity group to be around people in social settings; friends often form automatically once you are part of the group.2

View group hangouts as a low-pressure way for acquaintances to get to know you before committing to one-on-one time.

They may not have been sure enough of you for a one-on-one meeting but wanted to try a group setting first.

one person who lived it

Expand your social circle by finding new friends through clubs, community boards, or local events.

31 people, independently

• Leave your comfort zone to widen your social circle by sharing interests and staying authentic.6
• Seek out companions who share similar interests or feel more relatable.3

Use a hot pot for date nights or friend and family group activities.

It is described as delicious and a great activity once the initial cost is covered.

• There is an up-front cost to buy one.

one person who lived it

Join men's leagues for hobbies like hockey to make friends, even if the participants are older than you.

It serves as an entry point to making friends.

one person who lived it

Join community groups, such as church groups or campus centers, to meet potential friends.

One person made friends through a church group and a Christian Campus Center during grad school.

one person who lived it

• Try joining online social groups centered on shared interests.1

Start exercising regularly to meet people who are good for you.

Like attracts like.

one person who lived it

Find local clubs, sports teams, special interest groups, or volunteer opportunities to meet people and socialize.

In my experience, talking to people in general gets easier over time.

3 people, independently

• Volunteer for local events that interest you to meet others.1
• Participate in school sports or clubs to connect with like-minded peers and hone your social abilities.6
• Volunteer for local associations or causes to meet people you can relate to.7

Seek out new friends in public places like malls, game stores, arcades, parks, or online.

Online friends are considered better than some alternatives.

• Arcades are noted as 'sometimes' available.

one person who lived it

Join a local D&D group to develop social skills and make friends.

3 people, independently

• Consider joining tabletop games like Dungeons & Dragons as a way to meet new people.1

If you have outgrown your current social habits, make new friends with similar interests instead of relying on a small group that may no longer fit.

Growing changes your needs, and you will meet people who share your new interests.

one person who lived it

• Never go back to 'hang out' culture; instead, find a hobby to meet new people.1

Attend group art events to find people who share your artistic interests.

You'll find your happy place

one person who lived it

• Find local communities aligned with specific interests like music or art, and attend related events.1

Focus on yourself and find hobbies that make you happy, allowing friends to come as a result.

Finding happiness through hobbies brings friends.

one person who lived it

• Start a hobby you genuinely enjoy for yourself first to maintain the impulse to continue, which naturally leads to friendships over time.1

Join a student association or club to meet people with shared interests.

It helped one person make friends and realize that speaking to people isn't scary.

one person who lived it

Make new friends by changing your environment, such as getting a new job, moving home, or starting a new hobby.

It is difficult to make new friends while bad ones are still around; a change up is usually needed.

one person who lived it

Go to new and exciting places alone to talk to and connect with the people there.

3 people, independently

Join dance classes like swing, salsa, or tango where partners rotate during lessons.

Rotating partners allows you to meet multiple people and can lead to friendships beyond the class.

one person who lived it

Connect with people simply to match vibes without expecting to find a 'tribe' immediately.

It becomes much easier if you don't expect more than matching vibes.

one person who lived it

Join a local game store to meet socially awkward but communicative people.

One person reported making new friends there who were socially awkward but still tried to communicate.

• Not all members may be friendly.

one person who lived it

Join dance classes or bowling leagues to make friends.

One person's parents made many friends through these shared activities.

one person who lived it

Volunteer to meet nice people and potentially make friends in a low-pressure environment.

Nice people are likely to be present.

2 people, independently

• Try volunteering to meet people of good character; if not, you have at least done something worthwhile.1

Ask friends directly if they are willing to introduce you to their friends, as they may simply not know how to help with it.

They might want to help but lack the idea or method to do so.

one person who lived it

• Ask existing friends to invite their friends to gatherings to grow your social circle.5

Try hanging out with people older than you.

Adults may appreciate you more.

one person who lived it

Comment more on the social media posts of people you know in real life.

They may ask you to hang out.

one person who lived it

Join clubs or sports teams to help with bonding with others.

Good bonding can take place in such environments.

one person who lived it

Attend a networking event in your industry to meet proactive people.

It can be fun and lead to making friends while enjoying free food and drinks.

one person who lived it

Seek out immigrant communities in big cities to connect with people from similar cultural backgrounds, which can reduce the need to change your behavior.

It allows you to make friends who share your culture so you don't have to change so much.

one person who lived it

Hang out with cousins or extended family members around your age.

It could help build social connections.

• Only if you have any.

one person who lived it

Join groups outside of college to build a social circle distinct from your academic life.

It allows you to meet new people and have new experiences, leading to a satisfying social circle.

one person who lived it

Participate in university clubs or social circles matching your hobbies and interests.

Shared interests make your company more enjoyable for others.

• One person noted they might not have time due to a job.

3 people, independently

• Join university extracurricular student groups based on shared interests to find people to study or hang out with.1
• Sign up for campus organizations to connect with others who share your interests.6

Join church choirs or volunteer groups, as people are usually accepting.

People in these groups are usually accepting.

one person who lived it

Join structured group activities like Dungeons & Dragons where inclusion is designed into the format.

One person finds that playing D&D provides a sense of inclusion by design.

• Based on one person's preference for finding new friends through this activity.

one person who lived it

Join a weekly group or club centered on a current hobby or one you wish to explore.

3 people, independently

• Join a class, sport, hobby, or club where people interact, such as a debate club, church group, dance class, gym, or art/pottery community.5
• Set a routine meetup or ritual with a group of people, such as weekly dining or gym classes.4

Fish at piers to meet chill people of various ages who are often willing to talk about fishing, then invite them on future trips.

Piers are described as great spots for finding such people.

one person who lived it

Spread your social efforts across multiple people rather than focusing on just one new connection.

Branching out helps you make more connections.

one person who lived it

Join activity-based groups like sports teams where you can do things with others without needing to talk much.

It allows you to connect without the pressure of constant conversation.

one person who lived it

Join a Toastmasters club to meet friendly people in a structured environment.

Most clubs are very friendly.

one person who lived it

Host regular game nights with family, coworkers, or neighbors to build a group of friends and create memories.

It provides a regular group to hang out with and creates tons of memories.

one person who lived it

Leave your dorm and spend time in common areas, using shared resources or attending local events.

You can find groups of people doing activities you enjoy.

one person who lived it

Use your initial connection as a foothold; once comfortable, ask to be included in their social circle.

This provides access to their wider group of friends.

one person who lived it

Approach people in real life and join activities where you meet new faces weekly to find happiness through growth and connection.

Happiness comes from growth and connection rather than waiting for it to find you.

one person who lived it

Join multiple clubs or groups if the first one doesn't yield connections.

Limiting your exposure to others puts the odds of making emotional connections against you; keep going until you find what you're looking for.

one person who lived it

Join supportive groups such as sports teams, volunteer organizations, or theater crews.

These groups tend to consist of nice, supportive people.

one person who lived it

Attend orientation events to meet people you may speak to for a long time.

One person met people they know they will speak to forever by attending all events.

one person who lived it

Approach hobby groups with an open mind focused on enjoying the activity itself, not on the goal of making friends.

Focusing on friendship as the end goal can ruin the experience.

one person who lived it

Participate in regular activities at the same location with the same people.

Bonus points apply if you enjoy what you are doing there.

one person who lived it

• Select a location or pursuit that allows regular attendance so you encounter the same people repeatedly.5

Enroll in in-person elective classes focused on fun rather than academic stress to make friends.

One person found that most of their friends were made in electives where the focus was having fun.

one person who lived it

Try pickleball as a social sport.

It is very social and loved by many people.

one person who lived it

Attend events hosted by libraries.

You can meet people there.

one person who lived it

• Meet people with shared interests by joining book clubs or attending library events focused on crafts, science, or art.1
• Visit libraries to meet people by asking about books they are reading or seeking suggestions.4

Offer to study together or practice for a class as a low-pressure reason to hang out, regardless of how either party performed on a recent test.

It helps both parties improve their grades or get practice.

one person who lived it

Go to trivia nights at local bars to meet smart people in a fun, social setting with low social investment.

It is fun, social, allows you to meet other smart people, and involves low/ephemeral social investment.

one person who lived it

Work hard to gain financial stability so you can afford fun activities and hobbies that help you meet new people.

Having money makes it easier to do fun activities and meet more people.

one person who lived it

Volunteer for causes aligned with your values, like a homeless shelter, to connect with people who hold similar beliefs.

Acting on your principles alongside others is a dependable method for finding kindred spirits.

3 people, independently

• Attend volunteer events, especially ones aligned with your interests, to meet people with similar interests.1

Organize small social gatherings yourself, such as dinner nights or movie clubs.

Start something that brings people together.

one person who lived it

Take small steps to connect with others by attending local community events.

It helps you feel more connected.

one person who lived it

Try new things like books, music, shows, or activities.

People love introducing others to things they love.

one person who lived it

• Ask new friends or romantic partners about their interests and explore those activities together.3
• Try different clubs and activities even if you don't initially like them, to discover new interests.3

Ask to tag along with groups that are already going somewhere, such as festivals or outings.

Inviting yourself can open doors for new social connections.

• Be prepared for occasional rejections.
• Avoid intruding on very tight-knit groups who may not want additional people.

one person who lived it

Find people with shared interests online and meet up in person after playing together.

It is easier to find shared interests online.

one person who lived it

• Join online gaming communities or learning groups to meet people with shared interests.1

Dedicate time to improving at hobbies or interests you are drawn to.

It helps cultivate a passion for life and provides social aspects to connect with like-minded people.

one person who lived it

• Take up hobbies that you enjoy to improve your relationship with yourself, which can naturally attract people with similar interests into your life.3

Consider sharing a flat or house to make friends through living arrangements.

• there may be bland or unrespectful housemates

one person who lived it

Take the leap to socialize with people and join student clubs or help organize events, because friends do not appear automatically.

Waiting for friends to come while focusing only on studying does not work.

one person who lived it

Look for friends within specific hobbies or niches you enjoy rather than general social settings.

You may find fewer friends who meet your standards, but the connections will be more fulfilling.

one person who lived it

Organize a class or workshop on a topic you care about to attract people with shared interests.

Being the organizer draws people who will approach you afterward to state their interest.

one person who lived it

Join a sports team or after-school program and trust that peers will eventually invite you to hang out.

Participating in these activities leads to invitations to hang out over time.

one person who lived it

Volunteer for roles in children's activities to connect with other actively involved parents.

Shared active involvement can lead to bonding.

• Based on one person's experience after years without friends.

one person who lived it

Try rock climbing or bouldering to join a supportive community where participants assist each other.

Climbing has a social aspect with people assisting while you climb; gyms and groups are welcoming to newbies who ask for tips.

2 people, independently

• Join a local rock climbing or bouldering gym to meet outgoing people through shared activity and natural conversation starters.2

Pursue interests you genuinely enjoy rather than solely attending events to meet people.

People can sense desperation, and you will be happier doing something you enjoy.

one person who lived it

Build individual connections instead of attempting to integrate into a larger group.

Smaller circles often function better. Group settings can trigger FOMO, allow loud voices to dominate, and eventually exclude someone.

6 people, independently

Live your life doing things you enjoy so worthwhile people naturally join you.

one person who lived it

Leave the house and engage in community activities like church, sports, or volunteering to meet people.

It won’t happen by staying at home.

one person who lived it

Stick to the same batch of a group class to see the same faces repeatedly.

It makes breaking the ice and having conversations easier.

one person who lived it

Voice your interests, bucket list items, and desires online so friends can remember and support them.

People who read your posts often keep these details in mind.

one person who lived it

Join or start an online book club, or find a reading buddy, to turn solitary reading into a sociable activity.

It is a good way to make friends and maintain regular conversations.

one person who lived it

Bring board games or card games to shared spaces like work shifts to create opportunities for interaction.

It makes shifts more tolerable and is an endearing act.

one person who lived it

Attend social events or hobby gatherings alone to meet new people and enjoy the experience without relying on existing friends.

One person reported meeting cool people and having a better time than hanging with people they didn't want to hang with.

one person who lived it

Become a regular at a gym, cafe, or bar and chat with other frequent visitors.

3 people, independently

• Frequent specific locations and classes consistently to establish familiarity.3

Stay after events to help with cleanup tasks like putting away chairs to connect with organizers and become useful.

Being helpful is a top social networking hack for introverts that gets you places fast.

one person who lived it

Find a 'family of choice' who meet your needs and form connections where you can be yourself.

one person who lived it

Meet people in person through adventurous group hobbies rather than relying solely on online dating.

Online responses may be low, and you need to meet busy, accomplished people where they are.

one person who lived it

Identify locations where you encounter the same people regularly and initiate consistent dialogue.

Friendships could develop if you click.

5 people, independently

• Put yourself out there by contacting old friends or joining clubs and activities to create opportunities for conversation.1

Meet people by participating in activities you enjoy, such as dancing, church, disc golfing, or meetups.

This is the only way one person reported meeting people.

one person who lived it

Attend fairly large group meetups.

There is no pressure to initiate conversations and there are no awkward silences.

one person who lived it

Wear pop culture-related shirts to attract people who share those interests.

Someone may stop to talk about it and potentially become a best friend.

one person who lived it

Attend local music shows alone and talk to other attendees about the band or scene.

It is acceptable to go alone, and most attendees want to meet people in the relaxed environment of smaller venues.

one person who lived it

Volunteer at places aligned with your interests, such as an animal shelter, to meet passionate people.

One person reported meeting cool, passionate people and feeling good about helping out while volunteering.

one person who lived it

Go bouldering or rock climbing.

People are encouraged to interact and chat about routes between climbs.

one person who lived it

Be proactive by joining clubs and organizations, introducing yourself, and asking people to hang out rather than waiting for connections to happen naturally.

Taking initiative is a virtue; others may not notice your effort because they are socially saturated.

• Some believe it is easier to let friendships happen naturally rather than putting yourself out there.

3 people, independently

Make an effort to spend physical time with friends regularly, even if the activity is gaming together.

It can make a huge difference.

one person who lived it

• Make friends through online gaming communities and meet them in person over time.3
• Play video games with others to maintain friendships through shared experiences where conversations happen naturally.1

Join local groups with regular meetings, such as sports clubs, to bond with locals over time.

Consistent attendance helps build bonds even across barriers like language differences.

one person who lived it

Host low-stakes social gatherings, such as baking cakes and inviting neighbors, to initiate friendships.

One person reported that this led to the same people joining and becoming friends.

one person who lived it

• Take up social activities and emotionally open up to others to naturally form friendships over time.1
• Take the role of the social initiator by consistently planning events and inviting others, mixing different friend groups, and not stressing about whether you are perceived as popular.1

Play games or sports with strangers to establish relationships quickly through shared goals and emotions.

Sharing the same target, team, and emotional highs and lows helps build connections fast.

one person who lived it

Volunteer locally or attend community events and museums to meet people with similar interests.

One person reported making friends who lasted over two years through local volunteer work.

one person who lived it

Join societies related to sports, music, or art to find people with shared interests who have something to offer each other.

Shared interests help establish mutual value in new friendships.

one person who lived it

Find common interests to bond over, as this deepens connection.

Having something in common to do or talk about deepens your connection.

one person who lived it

• Seek out people who share commonalities with you to help with conversation and shared activities.1

Pick up a hobby or join an activity that aligns with your interests, such as painting, pottery, cake decorating, or adult sports.

It is easier to make friends when joining an activity that is a mutual interest.

one person who lived it

Seek out subcultures known for accepting outsiders, such as punk, goth, anime, or hippie communities, to realize you are not alone.

One person reported realizing they were not alone after finding others like them in these groups.

one person who lived it

Chase excellence in your passions rather than chasing people, and find local groups pursuing the same things.

one person who lived it

Follow this order: develop hobbies first, then make friends, then seek a girlfriend.

one person who lived it

Establish connections through one-on-one interaction so they flow into group settings and give you more social footing.

Connections established one-on-one flow over into group settings.

one person who lived it

Attend local events, talk to attendees, offer assistance with tasks, and follow through on your commitments.

One person described this as their formula for success.

one person who lived it

Get a job to earn money, gain independence, and naturally meet new people.

Work environments provide natural opportunities to meet people if you lack friends.

one person who lived it

Suggest low-effort, one-on-one hangouts like coffee, dinner, or gaming at home for introverted friends.

Many people prefer catching up individually over attending large events like nightclubs or bars.

one person who lived it

Take up activities that interest you to become passionate.

People are attracted to those who are passionate or interested in things.

one person who lived it

Do outdoor volunteer work with no commitments and chat whenever possible.

It helps.

one person who lived it

Push past discomfort to try new activities, such as in-person classes or gaming clubs, to create opportunities to meet people.

Every activity provides a chance to connect with others, even if it feels daunting at first.

one person who lived it

Immerse yourself in consistent hobbies or activities to build bonds through mutual effort rather than just meeting people.

Just meeting people is not enough; bonds develop through shared, consistent efforts.

one person who lived it

Attend casual club or academic society activities rather than relying on formal class settings to make friends.

Making friends in class is harder because most time is spent listening to the professor.

one person who lived it

Join martial arts classes or gyms to occupy evenings and make exercise a social activity.

Exercise helps a lot.

one person who lived it

Join existing groups or events hosted by others to demonstrate reliability and observe group dynamics.

It allows you to show that you are not like those who flake.

one person who lived it

If you want to meet new people, try going to places like gyms, dance classes, or martial arts studios.

one person who lived it

• Take classes in hobbies like art, pottery, ballroom dance, salsa, cooking, or martial arts to meet people with shared interests.3

Join groups for newcomers to the area, since they likely lack settled social circles.

3 people, independently

• To build a circle of friends, especially after relocating, consider joining meetups, group hobbies, or volunteer groups.3

Identify mutual interests such as hobbies, bands, challenging courses, reading, or gaming to find common ground for deep friendships.

Many deep friendships start with something very much in common.

one person who lived it

Seek friends through hobby groups or shared interests rather than coworkers, as work relationships are often limited to safe topics for unity.

Coworkers talk about safe topics to keep unity at work.

one person who lived it

Approach people directly in casual settings, such as asking to join pickup games at a park.

One person successfully joined a recurring game and exchanged contact information by doing this.

one person who lived it

Take up hobbies like painting or cosplay at events and let conversation flow naturally from the activity.

Doing your own thing while out allows conversation to flow naturally.

one person who lived it

Join three activities you naturally like, such as the gym, language courses, or book clubs.

one person who lived it

Explore different avenues to meet friends if your current social circles exhibit toxic behaviors like gossiping.

Toxic people tend to cluster, so staying in the same avenue will likely keep the problem happening.

one person who lived it

Play video games like Rock Band after dinner for group entertainment.

One person reported it was loved by guests and helped discover a new talent.

one person who lived it

Deepen friendships by going on fun adventures, trying new restaurants, and discovering places together.

Talking isn't the only thing that deepens friendship.

one person who lived it

Propose activities the other person already enjoys rather than generic hangouts like coffee or lunch.

Generic hangouts are often not something people have time for.

one person who lived it

Take boxing classes to meet new people through random partnering and sparring.

Randomly partnering up for sparring or pad training provided physical interaction and fun.

one person who lived it

Join groups at their inception rather than established ones, as new groups encourage meeting new faces more than existing cliques.

In established groups, people often go with friends, making it difficult to socialize if a clique already exists.

one person who lived it

Get involved in Red Cross Disaster Management volunteering to grow your network.

One person reported having opportunities to participate in projects that expanded their connections.

• The process involves long screening and lots of training.

one person who lived it

Invite work colleagues to local activities, such as library game nights, to develop friendships.

Work friends are often among the first friends adults make.

one person who lived it

Participate in running clubs or meetups found through gyms, supply stores, or Facebook groups to engage in regular social exercise.

These groups are fun and social.

one person who lived it

Ask local shop owners for recommendations on nearby hobby courses or groups.

Local small business owners usually know each other.

one person who lived it

Look for other students who appear introverted or new and are not currently in established groups.

Established groups are generally hard to enter.

one person who lived it

Use shared school contexts like assignments and exams to initiate conversations and gradually build friendships through studying together.

School provides a way to connect with people through common topics like assignments and exams.

one person who lived it

Offer to play video games together rather than just recommending them.

Playing together makes it hanging out rather than 'friendship homework'.

one person who lived it

Seek out environments and activities populated by the type of people you wish to befriend.

Surrounding yourself with preferred company helps broaden your network.

one person who lived it

Actively seek out neurodivergent communities to connect with people who value direct communication, parallel play, and info-dumping.

This helps fill your world with compatible interactions if you are wired differently.

one person who lived it

Attend hobby groups regularly to build familiarity and make social interactions easier over time.

Regular presence and effort make it easier to keep attending and lead to lovely chats once others get used to you.

one person who lived it

Force yourself to join group chats occasionally to stay informed about group news.

so I'm not completely left out

one person who lived it

Organize group gatherings with a mix of old and new friends, varying the setting to accommodate different preferences.

It is a numbers game, so keep trying different ideas.

one person who lived it

Ask others to accompany you for outings such as rides or coffee.

7 people, independently

If you are exploring social connections, try joining a local sports league or community outreach program related to your interests.

One person reported that joining a basketball league changed their life and led them to explore further communities.

one person who lived it

Join adult beginner salsa classes.

Lifelong friendships are often formed there.

one person who lived it

Expand your social network by interacting more frequently with coworkers, classmates, or by attending parties.

Spending more time socializing is necessary to grow your circle of friends.

one person who lived it

Create or join board game groups to foster casual, recurring social interactions.

• Based on two individuals' experiences making friends through boardgame meetups.

one person who lived it

Find a niche community where specific interests like anime or video games are accepted, rather than seeking broad acceptance.

These interests are now more accepted in specific niches.

one person who lived it

• Find communities aligned with specific interests like hobby groups or online forums rather than forcing fit into mainstream surface-level chatter.3

Start a study group to build rapport with people who share academic interests.

It allows you to discuss classes and gradually reveal personal favorites like foods and hobbies.

one person who lived it

• Identify a specific group you want to befriend and initiate contact by discussing common ground, such as classes.1

Become a regular at offline activities like team sports or Meetup groups, showing up consistently to make conversation.

Consistency increases the chance of a lucky break leading to connection.

one person who lived it

Get a job to help with socializing with coworkers and earn money for opportunities and friendships.

Workplaces are places where socializing happens and can open doors to many opportunities.

one person who lived it

Put yourself in visible roles like class representative or teaching assistant to increase familiarity.

One person reported that taking on such roles made people more familiar with them, leading to further connections.

one person who lived it

Occasionally show up to social gatherings.

You might enjoy it.

one person who lived it

Enroll in a sports club, ideally team activities like football or volleyball.

3 people, independently

Reach out to old college friends to reconnect, using tips on their current activities to help make plans.

one person who lived it

Play games with small communities to repeatedly encounter the same people and build familiarity.

Repeated encounters in a small group allow friendships to develop.

one person who lived it

Without an established pastime, experiment with different pursuits until one captures your interest.

• There may be no free time activities available in your area.

3 people, independently

Join ballroom and swing dancing meetups even if you are unfamiliar with them.

one person who lived it

• Look for local Lindy Hop or swing dancing groups, especially in larger cities, as they often have welcoming communities.1

Join social hobbies like dancing to meet friends within a close-knit community.

one person who lived it

Learn new skills that require group participation, such as team sports or dancing.

Group activities necessitate connecting with others.

one person who lived it

Compliment someone's interests or work to find common ground and initiate friendship.

This approach helped one person find out a classmate shared their interest in worldbuilding, leading to instant friendship.

one person who lived it

Volunteer, play sports like pickleball, or join fitness group classes, and initiate conversations with others at these events.

One person found this satisfies the desire for social interaction.

one person who lived it

Solidify friendships by having one-on-one hangouts before group events and deepening connections by sharing personal stories of overcoming obstacles.

One-on-one hangouts help solidify a friendship.

one person who lived it

Connect with people you haven't spoken to in a while, such as old friends, coworkers, or family members.

3 people, independently

Hang out socially by doing virtual activities together, such as playing video games.

Doing anything virtually together counts as hanging out.

one person who lived it

Frequent the same social places regularly to become familiar to others, which encourages greetings and connections.

Becoming acquainted and familiar with others makes it easier to make connections.

one person who lived it

Try community work through a church, charitable organization, community center, or local council.

It is rewarding.

one person who lived it

Explore spiritual or religious practices to find social and service opportunities.

These practices can lead to social and service opportunities.

one person who lived it

Maintain engagement in jobs and activities to preserve opportunities for forming support groups through mutual association.

Close friends are often gained through working together or shared extra-curricular activities; disengaging hinders these connections.

one person who lived it

Attend festivals, especially camping festivals, to make connections in a unique, fun environment.

Many people make connections there.

one person who lived it

Volunteer in structured environments like libraries or food pantries to observe social interactions and learn about communication and manners.

It allows you to constructively be around people.

one person who lived it

Join the Animal Crossing community to find friendly people.

The community is described as very friendly.

one person who lived it

Organize your own meetup group for a specific niche interest to create a welcoming space.

one person who lived it

Play online video games where other players are willing to initiate conversations.

Friendships can flourish from these initial interactions.

one person who lived it

Find totally different social circles where people only know your current self.

one person who lived it

Volunteer with a college alumni society to make friends and help others get hired.

one person who lived it

Publicize your interests to connect with people who share your enthusiasm.

3 people, independently

Visit local hobby stores to purchase tabletop games and engage with the community.

These stores are usually welcoming.

one person who lived it

Build friendships by sharing a similar interest, building conversation around it, and meeting up for related activities until closeness develops.

3 people, independently

Be specific about the personality traits, backgrounds, hobbies, interests, or careers of the new friends you want to make.

one person who lived it

Try activities other than parties to socialize.

parties are oriented toward hard ephemeral interactions

one person who lived it

Take electives in subjects you find interesting to explore what you enjoy, and talk to professors during office hours to learn about their career paths.

one person who lived it

Join a weekly recurring activity with social events afterward to build regular contact.

one person who lived it

Take community college extension classes or foreign language courses for fun and self-education to meet interesting people.

• Based on one person's experience with language classes.

one person who lived it

Develop niche centers of interest to form long-term friendships within related social circles.

one person who lived it

Rephrase the speaker's words into your own sentence with inflection to show you are processing what they said.

The speaker will feel heard.

• This approach is noted as particularly effective in work settings.

one person who lived it

Keep talking over people who interrupt you and repeat yourself if necessary; do not overcorrect to the point of blowing hard.

They will eventually stop and respond to your point.

• Do not overcorrect.

one person who lived it

• Tell the person you see they are busy and offer to continue the conversation another time.1

Remove disrespectful people from your life after attempting communication multiple times.

It is the best way to have people around you who respect you.

• One person tried communicating 'million times' before ending relationships.

one person who lived it

Practice standing up for yourself starting with small instances to build confidence and change how others treat you.

Passivity can lead to people taking their anger out on you; standing up changes the energy you emit.

• It is uncomfortable at first.

one person who lived it

If you are internally reserved but having a good time, make an effort to signal that enjoyment so others do not assume it is a chore for you.

People may assume you are not having fun if you do not project it.

• Based on one person's experience of being misinterpreted.

one person who lived it

Be nice to people but set firm boundaries so they do not take advantage of you or lose respect for you.

Being 'too nice' can lead to people-pleasing where others step over you.

2 people, independently

• Scale back excessive niceness and stop trying to be everyone's friend; reserve warmth for those who respond positively.1
• Establish firm boundaries while remaining kind, friendly, funny, and pleasant.1

Call yourself out when you insist on being right even though you know you are wrong.

The damage of appearing arrogant is already done, but calling it out helps counter the behavior.

• The social damage may already be done by the time you correct yourself.

one person who lived it

Ask your partner to inquire with their family or friends about why they dislike you.

This may reveal the honest truth.

2 people, independently

Be assertive and do not allow people to treat you in ways you dislike or walk all over you.

Standing up for yourself prevents being walked over.

2 people, independently

• Set boundaries and vocalize your dislike of disrespectful behavior to stop people from taking advantage of you.1
• Refuse to let people degrade you and push back when necessary to maintain your boundaries.6

Leave friend groups where members mock you to gain social approval, as the behavior will likely worsen.

They begin to think you won't be offended.

one person who lived it

Ask trusted people specifically what they dislike about you or if you have hurt their feelings, keeping an open mind and sincere desire to change.

Sometimes we don’t see the things we are doing wrong until someone points it out.

• Don't be confrontational
• keep an open mind

one person who lived it

• Ask trusted people for honest feedback on whether you have any glaring unfriendly behaviors or demeanor issues.9

Show genuine care rather than just wanting a girlfriend.

People respond when they see you actually care about them, not just want a relationship.

one person who lived it

Avoid offering hollow support like 'thoughts and prayers' if you are not willing to provide actual help.

It feels dismissive when you offer help but then ignore the person shortly after.

one person who lived it

Be carefree, have fun, and laugh at yourself to lower others' social guards.

Their guards will drop.

one person who lived it

Block the person if they continue insisting after you have said no many times.

They are being rude.

one person who lived it

Do not bite when trolls taunt you.

They will go fishing somewhere else.

one person who lived it

Move on from people who do not reciprocate and seek out others when you need to speak.

There is little you can do to change their behavior.

one person who lived it

Step back from people who reject you to give them space.

Trying too hard can smother them; stepping back gives them enough space.

one person who lived it

Use sympathetic phrasing like 'Do you feel...' instead of 'Maybe you should...' to address issues.

'Do you feel' is better than 'Maybe you should'.

one person who lived it

Let minor issues slide for the sake of the people you love.

They may understand the situation later.

one person who lived it

Repeat 'Not my storm' when around someone who dislikes you.

It reminds you that their feelings toward you are not yours to own.

one person who lived it

If you told a friend about their behavior and they decided not to change, leave them.

You can't really do more than leaving.

one person who lived it

• If a group shuts you out, walk away without making an excuse.1
• Set healthy boundaries so that people who do not respect them leave your life.3

Ghost or go cold on toxic people who are not worth reacting to, as they fume when you do not react.

Toxic people fume when you don't react.

one person who lived it

If you do not share the feeling, tell the person honestly that you do not feel that way or that you want to be friends.

Lying about loving them will cause more hurt later.

one person who lived it

Tell people how they have impacted you so they know there is something they could change.

If you never tell them, they never know there is something they could change.

one person who lived it

Stop laughing along with teasers to signal that you do not find it funny.

Good people will pick up on this non-confrontational cue and stop.

one person who lived it

Do not ask peers directly why they dislike you, as they will likely brush it off dishonestly.

They may say it is nothing, which causes you to lose face and feel worse.

one person who lived it

Check if you are coming across as too intense or eager.

Trying too hard can make you appear off-puttingly intense.

one person who lived it

Refrain from saying things about people behind their backs that you haven't already said to their faces.

That way it is not really shit talking.

one person who lived it

Avoid being pushy with certain people.

Being too pushy can end up burning bridges.

one person who lived it

Interrupt a friend who rushes you by using short, firm phrases like 'Hold on' or 'I'm getting there' with good humor.

This signals them to wait and makes it clear they are over the line.

one person who lived it

Reflect hurtful comments back to the speaker by saying you hope no one says such things to them.

It helps put the behavior into perspective for the speaker.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself that you are not currently dating the person, so the situation cannot get worse.

Viewing it as 'I literally couldn't be dating her any less' means there is no way it can go badly because it can't get any worse.

one person who lived it

Learn not to care about the opinions or actions of disrespectful people.

3 people, independently

• Stop caring about the opinions of those who show disrespect.1
• Ignore disrespectful or aggressive people rather than engaging with them.1
• Respect people who dislike you and help them if they ask, rejecting nicely if you cannot.1
• Ignore unpleasant people completely to deny them the reaction they seek.1
• Ignore statements that diminish your joy or offer unwanted corrections, treating them as if they were never spoken.1
• Avoid hanging out with people who consider shittalking others a good topic of conversation.3
• Stare silently at the disrespectful person or give a flat, dismissive response like 'it's not that serious' and then immediately tune them out.1

Recognize that teasing may be an attempt to assert social hierarchy rather than pure malice.

People may use half-joking insults to put others in their place; returning fire against higher-status people is seen as out of line.

one person who lived it

If you feel unsafe interacting with strangers while alone, lie and say you are waiting for a friend.

The reaction of those around you changes.

one person who lived it

When someone makes a dismissive comment, simply repeat it back to them to point it out.

This makes them aware that there is a reaction.

one person who lived it

• Look at the disrespectful person and repeat back exactly what they said while maintaining intense eye contact.1

Avoid overt attempts to get to know someone sexually.

People can detect it and may be turned off.

one person who lived it

Be firm with someone who is making you uncomfortable rather than giving them false hope.

It is kinder.

one person who lived it

Avoid trying to 'manhandle' every situation or acting as the 'mom' of the group, as this can annoy peers.

Peers may hate it when you try to drive, grab doors, or take charge of everything.

one person who lived it

Be aware of social cues, specifically knowing when to stop talking, as failing to do so can be a turn-off.

Some people are unaware they are doing this.

one person who lived it

Tell flaky friends exactly how disappointed you were that they did not show up.

Pretending it is fine means they do not know you are hurt and there is no consequence for their behavior.

one person who lived it

Ask the teaser to repeat their comment if you didn't hear it fully.

If they say 'never mind' or 'I forgot,' the intention behind the comment becomes clear to you and the group.

one person who lived it

Ignore messages from people who only contact you when they need help, treating them as they treat you.

This prevents them from leeching off you and allows them to find another source of support.

one person who lived it

Lower your pitch when speaking to be taken more seriously.

One person found that people took them more seriously when they lowered their voice.

one person who lived it

Trust your internal alarms if they go off even slightly, or if a person reminds you of someone you previously cut off.

Sometimes you pick things that feel off unconsciously.

one person who lived it

Teach children how to manage their feelings and thoughts around annoying people.

It is a lesson everyone needed to learn.

one person who lived it

Abandon pride and avoid physical fights over ego bruises on social media.

Such fights can result in death or prison.

one person who lived it

Be direct rather than relying on subtle social cues.

Studies suggest people often cannot tell if someone is flirting or just being nice.

one person who lived it

Repeat a simple refusal phrase without adding new details or explanations when pressured.

Providing reasons allows the other person to find ways to argue against them.

4 people, independently

• Say no directly without making excuses and remain consistent; if you occasionally say yes, you train the other person to keep asking.1
• Say no directly without providing any explanation or reason.1
• Give short, direct refusals without detailed reasons when struggling to say no.1

Stop reacting to mockery about your personal life.

If they see you are no longer affected, they will stop, similar to how a cat does not play with dead lizards.

one person who lived it

Slow down your engagement and avoid forcing topics to prevent coming on too strong.

Coming on too strong can turn people away.

one person who lived it

Stop obsessing over witty retorts you could have said after an interaction ends.

It is a waste of time.

one person who lived it

Smile at people and explicitly state that you are shy to overcome assumptions of aloofness.

It helps others realize you have your own issues and are not a jerk.

one person who lived it

Say 'That’s very hurtful' and refuse to play along with abusive people.

Playing along will just get you shit

one person who lived it

Disengage from people who leave you feeling depleted, unsettled, exhausted, strange, or bad when you are around them.

3 people, independently

Be authentic and show your actual feelings, including sadness or lack of desire to talk, to bond.

You cannot hide how you actually feel if you want to bond; it will show anyway.

one person who lived it

Listen to people without trying to fix their problems unless asked.

8 people, independently

Do not try to be nice to spiteful people.

They tend to interpret kindness as patronizing.

one person who lived it

Call out disrespectful friends when the behavior happens so it might stop.

Maybe the behavior stops.

one person who lived it

If people reject you, stop chasing them and ignore their requests for favors to show boundaries.

Chasing those who reject you leads to a lack of respect and being taken advantage of.

one person who lived it

Listen and reflect before replying to avoid saying things that make you sound foolish.

Rushing to reply often leads to spitting out stupid things.

one person who lived it

If you are being shut out by a group, confide in one trusted person within that group to explain your perspective and confusion, rather than suffering in silence.

Suffering in silence is what bullies expect; however, if they ignore you, they may not be worth your time, and phasing out might be better for your sanity.

• If the group ignores you after this attempt, they aren't worth wasting time on; consider phasing out.

one person who lived it

If a remark feels rude or unpleasant, respond with 'What a weird thing to say' in a confused, normal voice.

This approach can leave the speaker embarrassed.

one person who lived it

Look for a cluster of at least three signs of disinterest, such as turning away, leaning back, avoiding eye contact, pausing often, or avoiding subjects, rather than relying on a single sign.

One sign is not enough to be sure; a cluster provides certainty.

one person who lived it

Ignore the person who shuts down conversation and focus on your own activities, such as schoolwork or reading.

It is likely not your fault; they may lack social skills or be set in their ways.

one person who lived it

Use humor or jokingly rude comments to level the playing field when facing minor disrespect.

It can help balance the dynamic in the moment or later.

• One person's experience; involves being subtle while calling the other person out.

2 people, independently

• Respond to jokes targeting you with humor that is neither offensive nor socially awkward.3

If you struggle with gossip, try saying nice things about the subject; one person reported this silenced gossips who feared exposure.

Gossips may fear that you will tell the subject what is being said.

one person who lived it

Adopt a 'yes, and' attitude by going with the flow of stories, concepts, and games.

Shaming or changing the subject cuts off energy.

one person who lived it

Avoid making multiple requests as a flirting tactic.

It can be off-putting.

one person who lived it

Play the video game 'Say NO! More' to build confidence and learn how to combat poor treatment in conversation.

It helps build confidence and understanding of how to handle people treating you poorly.

one person who lived it

Confront the teaser firmly, stating you will not tolerate their disrespect.

People who tease often assume you are a coward who won't stand up for yourself.

one person who lived it

Avoid appearing stuck-up or having a resting bitch face, as this makes people avoid you.

People think they will annoy you if you seem intimidating.

one person who lived it

If you are an adult, physically remove yourself from situations with disrespectful people.

As an adult, you have the freedom to choose where you go and what you do.

one person who lived it

Be honest with friends about how disrespectful comments make you feel and ask them to stop disrespecting you in that way.

Honesty is the only way to address how it makes you feel.

one person who lived it

End relationships with people who focus on defending their motives over addressing your grievance when you tell them they have hurt you.

The conversation goes nowhere.

one person who lived it

When a joke fails, laugh at yourself and say something like 'that was funnier in my head' to relax the situation.

Relaxing and stopping worrying about fitting in helps you do better.

one person who lived it

State that you have outgrown each other to reject the relationship gently.

Saying you've outgrown someone is described as a nice way to reject them.

one person who lived it

Answer questions about your relationship status with a brief, deadpan 'No' to shut down awkwardness.

If you do not make the situation weird, it does not become weird.

one person who lived it

• Shut down rude questions about your relationship status by giving a response that makes the conversation awkward for the asker, such as claiming you are grieving a deceased spouse.1

Simply say 'No thanks' and then do not engage in the activity, repeating this action as necessary without providing excuses.

You don't owe this person an explanation.

3 people, independently

Say 'thank you for waiting' or 'thank you for your patience' instead of 'sorry I'm late'.

Saying 'I'm sorry' forces the other person to comfort you, which is not their job.

2 people, independently

• Thank those waiting for their patience when you are running late, rather than apologizing.2

Be cordial and show no ill will to neighbors or acquaintances you do not wish to be close to, without feeling obligated to share your full personality.

People will pick up on your lack of ill will if you remain cordial.

one person who lived it

Question whether your humor is actually weird or offensive when you think it is funny.

It is possible to say strange things while believing they are humorous.

one person who lived it

Cut down on contact with people who consistently misconstrue your words.

They will always find fault in what you say and misinterpret your explanations.

one person who lived it

Respond to accusations of being quiet or forgotten in a group with humor.

It deflects embarrassment and shows that you do not care about what others think of your presence.

one person who lived it

• Acknowledge awkwardness openly and laugh it off.2

Reject their frame by telling them they are not funny and to stop talking.

It forces them to play into your frame instead of yours playing into theirs.

one person who lived it

Pretend you have not seen a movie when watching it with someone who has, to avoid them asking questions that spoil the experience.

They may badger you with questions if they know you've seen it.

one person who lived it

Giggle and use body language to answer if you cannot find words.

The other person will think they are smooth.

one person who lived it

Pause the movie or show when your partner leaves the room.

It creates a good feeling for the partner; letting it run causes disappointment.

2 people, independently

Avoid confronting people who talk badly about others behind their backs.

They may hate you more and not make it better.

one person who lived it

Be honest and direct when rejecting someone to avoid giving false hope.

Giving false hope is cruel and leaving someone hanging prevents them from moving on.

one person who lived it

• Give a direct 'no' rather than leaving someone hoping for a future time that never comes.1

Practice martial arts or dancing to become more open with your body language.

Closed body language or forced smiles can put people off.

one person who lived it

• Check your posture and body language for closed-off signals like folded arms, hands in pockets, or lack of eye contact.1

Stop trying to win over people who are initially mean or dismissive.

Attempting to appeal to them makes you look like a pushover.

one person who lived it

Avoid coming across as 'friend hungry' because it can seem creepy to others.

it is creepy to people

one person who lived it

Interpret 'no rush' as a polite offer to wait, not as rudeness or sarcasm.

No sane human interprets it as calling someone a servant; it means the speaker is happy to wait.

one person who lived it

Be honest and humble, apologize clearly without making excuses, and explain what you did wrong.

3 people, independently

• Demonstrate changed behavior as proof of a sincere apology.3
• Make sincere apologies to people you have offended and commit to not repeating the mistakes.3
• Apologize when someone is hurt by your actions, regardless of whether you were technically right or intended harm.3

Ask someone to explain their words directly to force accountability and signal that you will not be messed with.

It delivers the message 'DO NOT FUCK WITH ME'.

one person who lived it

Ignore people you do not like, even if they perceive your silence as rudeness, to avoid feeling down.

Feeling better is preferable to others thinking you are rude.

one person who lived it

Stop seeing someone if they treat Uber drivers, bartenders, or others poorly, even if they are great to you.

One approach that helped: assuming they would eventually treat you like that.

one person who lived it

Brush off intrusive questions with a simple statement of fact; ignore rude follow-ups without responding.

You don't owe them an answer, and rude comments shouldn't be dignified with a response.

one person who lived it

Do not let friends use your agreement as ammunition in their arguments with others.

It forces you to explain yourself.

one person who lived it

Distance yourself from people who consistently speak negatively or meanly about others.

They are likely to speak negatively about you when you are not around, and their behavior is toxic and hard to forget.

3 people, independently

Distinguish between venting about personal problems and malicious gossip.

Venting allows for validation and council, whereas gossip involves sharing rumors or secrets viciously.

• Sharing secrets viciously is a red flag.

3 people, independently

Tell the truth when asked if you did something wrong, rather than lying to spare feelings.

Hurting someone's feelings with the truth is less damaging than leaving them confused and wondering what is wrong.

one person who lived it

Focus on your tasks and let the other person initiate contact if you suspect you have made them uncomfortable; do not try to explain yourself.

Trying to explain yourself could make the situation worse.

one person who lived it

Avoid people who lack manners, such as failing to say please, thank you, or offer proper greetings.

Being considerate goes a long way.

one person who lived it

Embrace the role of a calm 'audience' for loud people, as they enjoy entertaining someone who balances them out.

Loud people like having an audience to entertain.

one person who lived it

Stand your ground and firmly say 'no' to requests that violate your boundaries.

one person who lived it

Ask your partner if they want a hug, to be heard, or help to ensure you provide the specific comfort they need.

This clarifies whether they need physical comfort, listening, or problem-solving.

one person who lived it

If you fear coming off as sarcastic or rude, explicitly ask what you meant.

Most sincere questions will be answered and forgotten by others.

one person who lived it

Roll with teasing and hide annoyance, as obnoxious people continue if they see you are bothered.

Obnoxious people are motivated by seeing your annoyance.

one person who lived it

Ask specific questions about observed reactions (e.g., 'Did I do something wrong when X happened?') instead of seeking vague reassurance (e.g., 'Why don't people like me?').

Specific examples provide clear data and are easier to address, whereas broad requests ask for reassurance rather than solutions.

one person who lived it

Directly ask if you have upset someone whose behavior has changed, offering to fix it if so.

It clarifies the situation and shows willingness to repair relationships.

• If they do not respond and continue acting weird, accept that you tried.

one person who lived it

Remain firm despite negative reactions when setting boundaries.

People may freak out or get upset.

one person who lived it

• Define your boundaries by stating what action you will take if the other person does not stop their behavior.4

Observe how a person interacts with those they criticize to determine if they are trustworthy.

If they hug and compliment the person they just trashed, you cannot trust them.

one person who lived it

Avoid using the word 'but' when transitioning from a compliment to your own opinion.

It sounds like a rejection or implies there is something wrong with what was praised.

one person who lived it

Leave situations where you are being mistreated immediately, rather than trying to reason with the aggressors.

People who cannot act nice do not deserve your time.

one person who lived it

Refrain from correcting others or pointing out flaws in casual settings unless you have a solid friendship with the person.

The other person may not perceive your intent as funny or helpful and might resist what you are saying.

one person who lived it

Leave bug solutions and answers intact on forums so others searching for the same issue can find them.

Deleting or not posting solutions prevents people who search for that specific question from seeing the answer.

one person who lived it

Keep your mouth shut when hearing negative comments or secrets to avoid spreading them.

You should not continue to spread negativity.

one person who lived it

Take deep breaths when around someone who dislikes you.

Deep breathing changes brain chemicals and helps create calm.

one person who lived it

Explicitly tell friends whether you want to fix their problems or just listen.

If you are a natural 'fixer,' silence may lead you to offer solutions when empathy is needed.

one person who lived it

Do not become an asshole to attract women, as this strategy attracts the wrong kinds of partners.

You will simply attract those who are drawn to aggression rather than compatible partners.

one person who lived it

Clearly define your boundaries so others know where they exist and can respect them.

Others cannot respect boundaries they do not know exist.

one person who lived it

• Ask plainly about someone's boundaries without expecting them to answer to appease you.1

Avoid asking direct questions about a friend's behavior if you fear causing problems or lack full context.

They may behave this way with everyone or have unknown reasons.

one person who lived it

Be upfront and direct when you dislike a TV show or movie someone wants to discuss, rather than lying to avoid spoilers.

Lying over insignificant things signals that a person can never be trusted.

one person who lived it

Reserve the phrase 'I love you' for people you genuinely love; offer polite inclusion and hugs to new group members instead.

Reciprocating 'I love you' when you do not mean it cheapens the sentiment.

one person who lived it

Interpret being called 'mature for your age' as potentially meaning you are too serious or a 'stick in the mud'.

People may mean you are ruining the fun.

one person who lived it

Issue public apologies for hurtful comments made in public settings.

Private apologies do not remove the shame felt from being hurt in front of others.

one person who lived it

Speak at a slower pace, but not horribly slow, to help native speakers understand your accent.

Speaking slower helped others understand what was being said.

one person who lived it

Recognize that if someone talks about others behind their backs, they likely talk about you too.

12 people, independently

• Be cautious about confiding in friends who speak negatively about others behind their backs.2
• Develop the practice of withholding remarks about others that you would not deliver directly to them when conditions are appropriate.10

When frustrated with customer service, explicitly state that you understand the issue is not their fault to encourage them to go above and beyond.

They become more inclined to help.

one person who lived it

Offer a single apology and then move on; avoid repeating it.

It may make others feel uneasy.

4 people, independently

• Acknowledge social slip-ups quickly, apologize, and move on without dwelling.1
• Keep apologies for minor mistakes brief and simple.1

Be sincere and serious when calling out offensive jokes, even if the teaser was not serious.

It prevents the intervention from seeming like an attack or bash.

one person who lived it

Ask your friends directly what is wrong instead of avoiding the issue.

Avoiding issues leads to repeating the same mistakes.

one person who lived it

Avoid overthinking so you can focus on listening to the other person.

You need to listen.

one person who lived it

Recognize that gossip helps groups monitor social behavior and safety.

It connects people and checks poor social behavior, such as warning others about creepy people.

one person who lived it

Think before you speak to avoid sharing embarrassing or tactless anecdotes.

What is funny to you may not be funny to others.

one person who lived it

Practice openness and honesty at all times, not just when it is convenient.

Lying to protect feelings destroys trust and breeds paranoia.

one person who lived it

Stop overthinking conversations.

Most people do not care deeply about the flow of dialogue.

one person who lived it

Accept offers of help from friends rather than dismissing them.

Refusing can make the helper feel pushy or rejected, leading them to stop offering.

one person who lived it

Shoot down attempts to exclude you immediately upon noticing them.

Once exclusion becomes part of the zeitgeist, it is hard to knock it out.

one person who lived it

Confide in another trusted friend in the group and ask them to step in or call out the mean behavior.

An outside party speaking up makes the other person more willing to listen than the person being antagonized.

one person who lived it

Maintain consistent good behavior to prove you are no longer the 'bad child' of the past, which may reduce the hurt when revealing past mistakes.

Appearing different than your past self may lessen the impact of your confession.

one person who lived it

Interact only on requisite work matters and give no feedback on personal remarks.

Once they realize they get nothing from you, they will find another target.

one person who lived it

Assume rude behavior stems from the other person's general frustration or ignorance rather than an attack on you.

It helps you understand that their attitudes are not personal.

one person who lived it

• Do not internalize rude behavior from strangers, as it likely reflects their character or unhappiness rather than your actions.1

If you have the energy, deflect persistent questioning with humor by asking if the questioner wants you to be unwell, then laugh.

This approach usually causes the person to back off.

one person who lived it

Give one apology immediately when you realize the error, and a second one later after reflecting on how to prevent recurrence.

The second apology shows you are aware you messed up, regret it, and are working to ensure it won't happen again.

one person who lived it

Overlook minor faults like not texting first if the friend is otherwise enthusiastic, unless you risk them taking criticism too deeply.

Mentioning it risks the friend taking the criticism too deep into their head and heart.

• Risks the friend taking criticism too personally

one person who lived it

Share something about yourself in conversation; if the other person does not shift focus back to you, end the interaction.

To avoid being used by someone who only wants to boost their ego.

one person who lived it

• Refuse to engage in conversations with people who are not actively listening, curious, or offering reciprocal vulnerability.1

Speak calmly and firmly without raising your voice after analyzing what others say; leave if they are unwilling to listen.

You give yourself respect by not wasting words on those unwilling to listen.

one person who lived it

If you are dealing with chronically late people, stop waiting for them and proceed with your plans without them.

This removes the leverage they have over your time.

one person who lived it

Frame your critiques from a position of loyalty so the recipient sees them as helpful rather than incompatible.

The recipient knows you put your loyalty to them above anyone else.

one person who lived it

Watch for defensive body language or uncomfortable tones, and listen for patterns in what they bring up repeatedly.

These signs may indicate hidden resentment or discomfort.

• One person noted that medication can warp perception and cause interrupting, which might mimic these signs.

one person who lived it

Compliment specific traits like kindness or bravery instead of saying 'I love you' to colleagues or new acquaintances.

Saying 'I love you' to co-workers or people you just met can be perceived as creepy or sexual harassment.

one person who lived it

Address issues with a helper directly rather than venting passively.

Any response better than silence is helpful to both parties; worst case, if they are toxic, they won't ask for help again.

one person who lived it

Assume friends who brag boorishly about money are likely exaggerating or lying to boost their social status.

People who value material wealth enough to brag about it may not be above lying.

one person who lived it

Refuse to listen to friends who constantly vent problems without reciprocating support.

You are not a dumpster for their problems; one approach is to stop listening if they won't return the favor.

one person who lived it

Avoid self-deprecation in conversation.

It can turn people off.

one person who lived it

• Focus on others' comfort in social interactions by avoiding self-deprecation.1

Avoid framing offers as yes/no choices to prevent making the recipient feel indebted or guilty.

Giving a yes/no option can burden them with the need for reciprocity or guilt.

one person who lived it

Avoid running up to people, making big movements, or making loud noises when approaching them.

These actions can startle people.

one person who lived it

Focus on respecting a friend's boundary over debating right or wrong when your actions cause distress.

It demonstrates how much you value their boundary.

one person who lived it

Directly and politely ask friends if they realize their jokes hurt you and make you feel embarrassed.

Sincerity works best.

one person who lived it

Avoid saying things you don't mean, such as wishing someone could stay longer, because it implies strong desire.

Saying 'I wish' literally means you strongly wanted it to happen.

one person who lived it

Call out boundary violations immediately rather than staying silent.

If you stay silent, people will continue to walk over you.

one person who lived it

Move on from rude people instead of trying to force respect.

Focusing on rudeness gives them power; you are not in a situation where physical retaliation is appropriate.

one person who lived it

Watch for non-verbal cues, such as physical withdrawal, to determine if your conversation is welcome.

Their reactions will tell you how well the interaction is being received.

one person who lived it

• Watch for non-verbal clues of annoyance rather than waiting for explicit rejection.1

If a wealthy superior makes out-of-touch comments about low incomes, gently ask them what they believe your salary is.

This treats them as an ally rather than making them defensive, which may prompt self-reflection or advocacy for a raise.

one person who lived it

Ensure your helpfulness does not come across as condescending or know-it-all.

Most people do not realize that such behavior stems from good intentions.

one person who lived it

Use earplugs during tirades from negative people to reduce auditory stress.

It helps manage the volume issue.

• Get sleek ones and obtain a doctor's note if needed.

one person who lived it

Avoid saying 'I don't have friends' in conversation.

It is too heavy for most conversations and can sound like fishing for sympathy.

one person who lived it

Do not make people guess quantities when sharing good news; simply state the news and the quantity directly, providing context if needed.

Asking others to guess puts them in a trap.

one person who lived it

Allow people to be excited for at least 5 minutes without criticizing or pointing out negatives.

Otherwise, they will stop sharing with you altogether.

one person who lived it

Maintain deadpan eye contact and silence when disrespected to make the other person uncomfortable enough to reflect on their words or back down.

The discomfort often causes them to reflect on what they said, apologize, or retreat.

2 people, independently

Point out to people when they treat you differently in groups versus privately.

Being called out forces reflection on actions and words, leading to improvement.

one person who lived it

Accept nervousness as normal and genuine rather than trying to suppress it entirely.

Being nervous can be endearing and feel genuine to the other person.

one person who lived it

Listen to the person's inaction as communication of their needs rather than pressuring them to accept help.