Being on your own
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Cultivate self-love and ease in your own company before attempting to love others.
You cannot truly connect with another person until you are at peace with yourself.
14 people, independently
- If you feel nobody can love you, focus on becoming a person who can love by working on yourself.1
- Practice putting yourself first, appreciating yourself, and genuinely enjoying your own company.3
Be at ease with yourself prior to dating, since partnerships demand effort.
If you cannot find happiness in solitude, you will likely suffer in a partnership.
3 people, independently
- Work on enjoying being alone and knowing yourself as a whole before entering a new relationship.5
Leave your comfort zone by joining activities like gyms or cosplay events to make friends.
One person reported this helped them transition from being a shut-in to making new friends.
- Based on one individual's experience.
one person who lived it
Do things that give you internal happiness and do not care what others think.
3 people, independently
people, person, life, romantic48
Pause to judge your life and resolve personal issues before pursuing new relationships.
Invest in yourself and your hobbies to build a life you genuinely enjoy, rather than trying to stop wanting love.
The goal is not to let love define your worth.
one person who lived it
Check out Stoicism.
It helps a ton.
2 people, independently
Focus on yourself and what brings you joy to bring you closer to like-minded people.
Focusing on your joy attracts people who are like you.
one person who lived it
Connect with people around you, such as having good times with friends and talks with family.
It will make you happier and more confident.
one person who lived it
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Treat yourself as your own romantic partner by giving yourself treats, taking yourself on dates, and falling in love with yourself.
Treating yourself well builds confidence and counters societal pressure, as society is not living your life for you.
4 people, independently
Give time to pass to understand what you truly mean to the other person.
In due time, the true nature of the connection becomes clear.
one person who lived it
Focus on becoming your happiest and most satisfied self, as connection tends to arrive when you are in that state.
That is when it comes along.
one person who lived it
Fix the foundation of your life by addressing finances, career, and living space.
Working on these areas can lead to feeling at peace.
one person who lived it
Add value to your friends' lives and be pleasant to improve social connections.
One person reported making new friends through this process.
one person who lived it
Do not base your life purpose on finding a romantic partner.
Doing so increases obsessive thoughts and signals desperation to others.
one person who lived it
Invest in self-care routines like skincare, hair care, and body care.
You deserve it.
one person who lived it
Focus on how you want to feel rather than specific solutions, and take small steps to soothe yourself to gain clarity.
Focusing on feeling slightly better allows clarity and guidance to emerge
one person who lived it
Avoid using labels if they cause confusion and overthinking; just live your life.
Labels can cause confusion and overthinking.
- This is a personal preference of the contributor.
one person who lived it
Meet people in smaller, intimate settings with common interests, such as small game nights, rather than relying solely on online dating.
Smaller intimate settings were more comfortable for one person than trying online dating.
one person who lived it
Learn something new or get involved in charity work.
It can contribute to leading a happy life.
one person who lived it
Practice meditation to learn how to be alone with your thoughts.
3 people, independently
Block an ex-partner's number if you feel it is hindering your healing.
Blocking helped because the person felt they weren't healing otherwise.
one person who lived it
Focus on being your authentic self and improving yourself before seeking a romantic partner.
Those who do this tend to have better judgment.
one person who lived it
Listen to 'Beyond Happiness' by Ezra Bayda or read 'Radical Acceptance' by Tara Brach.
it's a great book.
one person who lived it
Set boundaries to keep people who don't have any away.
Boundaries are very important.
one person who lived it
Start as friends with potential partners to build a foundation before making romantic moves.
7 people, independently
Do self-improvement activities like learning skills for yourself, not necessarily to increase attractiveness.
training on an instrument for years may not increase attractiveness
- activities may not increase attractiveness
one person who lived it
Jump into new activities like traveling, trying new cuisine, or playing certain sports to discover undiscovered parts of your character.
You won't be able to discover these parts if you don't jump in.
one person who lived it
Create happiness through small actions like taking walks, dyeing your hair, or listening to music.
Happiness does not require grand trips.
one person who lived it
Actively pursue dating opportunities by going out and engaging with potential partners.
You may find a romantic partner.
3 people, independently
Combat negative feelings by getting up, putting on favorite music, and going for a run.
This action raises mood.
one person who lived it
Pause to judge your life and resolve personal issues before pursuing new relationships.
9 people, independently
One approach that helped change perspective on the world was going on a solo road trip.
one person who lived it
Reevaluate relationships as two whole people (100% meeting 100%) striving to be their best together, rather than two halves making a whole.
one person who lived it
Set personal goals to create focus on yourself and distract from romantic pursuits.
3 people, independently
Explore whether you identify as demisexual, grey-sexual, or sapiosexual to understand why attraction requires an emotional connection first.
Discovering one's sexual orientation can set a person free.
2 people, independently
Wait for romance to happen naturally instead of trying to force or improve it.
- Consider if unresolved trauma or trust issues are factors.
3 people, independently
Increase the number of conversations you have with strangers to become more social and build friendships.
- Based on one person's experience who notes they are not a pro.
one person who lived it
Read 'Models' by Mark Manson to learn about attracting partners through honesty.
It covers attracting women through honesty.
3 people, independently
Exercise and pursue hobbies for your own satisfaction rather than to impress a potential partner.
It provides personal fulfillment, serves as an escape, and helps process frustration.
one person who lived it
Delete dating apps if you realize you are using them primarily for attention or validation.
The user realized they were seeking attention and craving connection.
one person who lived it
Live in the moment and treat interactions based on current vibes rather than future expectations.
You do not know what others are thinking about the future; focusing on the present allows you to connect based on immediate compatibility.
one person who lived it
Reframe rejection narratives by viewing experiences as meeting people uninterested in relationships rather than no one being interested in you.
Dating apps may attract people who are not planning a future.
one person who lived it
Maintain separateness and unique passions to build desire and intimacy in a relationship.
Desire requires being the 'other,' a separate unique person.
one person who lived it
Recognize that intimacy involves closeness and familiarity, not just sex, and can exist in friendships.
Modern culture incorrectly equates intimacy purely with sexual activity.
one person who lived it
Cultivate your own happiness to radiate positivity and attract a compatible partner.
People generally avoid miserable partners who depend on them for happiness.
one person who lived it
Use hobbies to become socially comfortable with people who share your interests, building confidence through conversation.
Hobbies help grow social comfort with shared-interest groups; increased engagement leads to conversational ease, and confidence comes across as likeability.
one person who lived it
Build deeper connections, friendships, and bonds instead of maintaining only superficial friends.
5 people, independently
Build your life around your personality, dreams, aspirations, hobbies, and career; treat a relationship as the sweet topping, not the whole filling.
one person who lived it
Associate with people who offer support and foster a positive environment.
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Recognize that needing love or monogamy does not make someone codependent.
one person who lived it
Consider whether unrealistic expectations from movies or porn are causing real women to seem inadequate.
one person who lived it
Focus on fostering existing platonic relationships and meeting new people; one approach that worked was finding a partner who was already a friend.
one person who lived it
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Accept that you are a whole, valuable person on your own; your existence is enough without a partner.
Treat being alone as an opportunity to become independent, know yourself, and improve necessary areas of your life.
It helps you realize happiness is determined by you, not someone else, and allows you to discover who you are when vulnerable.
3 people, independently
Focus on improving yourself for your own sake without looking for a partner, as this is when you may encounter them.
Focusing on becoming the best version of yourself brings peace and happiness while single.
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- Focus on enjoying your life and living for yourself so you do not feel a need for a partner.2
- Keep yourself busy focusing on your own things to make accepting singlehood easier.1
Accept that you are a whole, valuable person on your own; your existence is enough without a partner.
6 people, independently
- Figure out what suits you personally; if being single makes you happy, recognize that a satisfying life is possible.3
Recognize that you do not need anyone's permission to be single.
Stay single until you understand how amazing you are on your own.
one person who lived it
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Absorb yourself in fulfilling hobbies to keep busy and discover what you like about yourself.
It helps you enjoy being single and validate yourself.
one person who lived it
Enjoy being single because you will start to miss it later.
You will start to miss it.
one person who lived it
Recognize that single people often maintain stronger friendship bonds than married people with kids.
People who settle down tend to shift their attention from friendships to family.
one person who lived it
Accept that you might end up alone or find love, and make the best of whichever outcome occurs.
one person who lived it
Choose being single over a toxic relationship to avoid unnecessary stress.
Being single is freeing and avoids the stress of relationships; it is better to be happy alone than in a bad partnership.
one person who lived it
Enjoy the freedom of being single by saving money, working without partner conflict, and socializing with friends without jealousy.
Relationships often restrict these freedoms.
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Date yourself by engaging in activities you enjoy alone, such as going to movies, concerts, or taking solo trips, to build comfort with solitude and authenticity.
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- Take up activities you love by yourself, such as dining out, reading, painting, or traveling.3
Avoid touching and sexual innuendos on first dates; limit physical contact to greeting or parting hugs.
Touching beyond hugs is seen as presumptive, skeevy, or creepy.
one person who lived it
Get regular professional massages and communicate your need for touch to the therapist.
Professional human touch helps with touch deprivation.
one person who lived it