Workplace conflict
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Ask 'Why would you say that?' when someone makes a critical comment about your appearance.
There is no answer they can give that doesn't make them look bad, causing them to stutter and shut up.
one person who lived it
Interrupt an interrupter by saying 'I’m still speaking' in a direct and firm tone.
It shuts down the interruption most of the time.
one person who lived it
Assume negative jabs from coworkers are not about you and delete them from your memory.
This helps keep your head clear.
one person who lived it
- Recognize that a coworker's negative comments are a reflection of who they are, not who you are.1
Report persistent rude behavior to your manager by stating the team feels uncomfortable when the person is around.
You deserve to feel safe.
- HR may not act and you could be labeled a crybaby.
- HR will take your side if you have a reasonable department.
one person who lived it
Be aware that private pull-aside conversations may fail to change condescending behavior.
One person found the colleague got just as mad and did not change their behavior.
- The person may get mad and refuse to change.
one person who lived it
When a coworker makes a sly dig, ask them to repeat or clarify what they meant to expose their behavior.
It shines a spotlight on their rudeness and forces them to state explicitly what they mean.
one person who lived it
Develop the skill of constructively disagreeing at work by trying to see the other person's side.
It often results in a better end product.
one person who lived it
Privately and promptly tell the person that their behavior is discouraging.
It is better than doing so in front of customers.
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When patronized in a group setting, pretend you did not hear the comment and ask the person to repeat or clarify it.
They will likely hate having to repeat themselves in front of others, and the comment loses its impact the second time.
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Say a colleague's name out loud as you approach their desk to avoid startling them.
It prevents the colleague from being startled or making comments about your sudden presence.
one person who lived it
Ignore pedestal-building comments from others.
They often stem from projection, where people assume your life is perfect because you do not advertise your misery.
one person who lived it
Remain silent when a colleague makes passive-aggressive comments in public to let the awkwardness fall on them.
It makes things uncomfortable for the aggressor, causing others to blame them rather than you.
one person who lived it
Make formal written complaints to management about harassing behavior.
Once there are 3 or more serious complaints, the individual may be terminated.
one person who lived it
Email incident reports to yourself with timestamps and details after each shift.
To keep a written record in case the situation escalates.
one person who lived it
Ignore negative comments and people who jump to conclusions to preserve energy for workouts, work, or nicer people.
Energy is precious and better spent on positive activities or people.
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Ignore daily messages that are not work-related.
There is no obligation to engage with non-work communication.
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Document instances of toxic behavior and report them to HR or upper management.
Repeated offenses can lead to write-ups or firing.
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Specifically ask a coworker to speak more clearly or enunciate, rather than just asking them to repeat.
Asking for repetition may not change their enunciation.
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Politely ask the offender to explain their condescending remark and persist until they provide an explanation.
They may realize how absurd it sounds.
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Contact the company's HR department after quitting to explain why you left.
Alerting them to the problematic employee helps them understand they are losing good staff due to this person's behavior.
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Address sexist comments honestly but non-accusatorily by stating how the comment made you feel and asking for clarification.
The person may be blissfully unaware of how they come across.
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Decline inappropriate conversations by stating you do not participate in that type of talk at work.
It signals the behavior is inappropriate without creating conflict.
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When a colleague makes an unsolicited personal comment, ask if they need something to pivot the burden of conversation back to them.
It signals that you are minding your business and forces the other person to justify their interruption.
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Respond to patronizing questions about understanding by asking if they doubt your comprehension or their own explanation skills.
It clarifies whether the issue lies with the listener or the speaker's clarity.
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If management ignores complaints about a difficult coworker, consider finding a new job.
Their indifference toward the problem suggests they do not care about you.
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Respond to unsolicited advice or bragging with sarcastic tones like 'wowww' while continuing your work without looking up.
It allows you to acknowledge the person without showing that you care.
one person who lived it
Respond to shouting or aggression with a silent, deadpan stare rather than arguing.
One person reported this made the aggressor visibly flustered and backtrack immediately.
one person who lived it
Document instances of rude or discriminatory behavior from coworkers.
Proper documentation may provide evidence for a discrimination case and potential compensation if you decide to leave or take action later.
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Keep conversations with suspicious coworkers minimal and surface-level, while noting specific rude or racist comments for potential supervisor reports.
Having prepared information helps if you need to escalate the issue later.
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Limit contact to polite greetings and conduct all other interactions via email or scheduled meetings.
This enforces professionalism and creates a documentation trail.
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Admit the truth if accused of disliking someone, framing it as an acceptance of the need to work together professionally.
Lying is ineffective; acknowledging the reality prevents manipulation into making up excuses.
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Keep a respectful distance with coworkers and avoid pushing joke boundaries to ensure professionalism and job security.
Your paycheck depends on your professionalism.
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Use calculated confrontation to address troublesome colleagues.
It is sometimes needed to turn up the heat on disruptive behavior.
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