Financial advice
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
If you lend a small sum to someone who then vanishes, consider the loss a reasonable fee for cutting ties with a toxic person.
It allows you to remove an annoying or bad friend from your life at a low financial cost.
12 people, independently
- Accept that losing a friendship over a small loan is worth the clarity gained about whether they are a true friend.3
- Only lend money or items to friends if you can afford to lose them permanently.6
Avoid lending cash to close contacts unless you accept the risk of losing either the funds or the relationship.
Lending often results in losing cash, friends, or both; saying no may also mean losing the relationship.
12 people, independently
- Do not lend money to friends; instead, give it as a gift if you can afford it or decline the request.4
- Do not lend money that you anticipate needing for yourself in the near future.1
Frame any money given to friends as a gift with no expectation of return to preserve the relationship.
Gifting relieves the stress and guilt of chasing unpaid debt.
11 people, independently
Consider lending a small amount you know you will not get back as a way to pay someone to leave you alone.
It can be worth the cost to stop harassment.
- One person reported doing this only once.
2 people, independently
Limit loans to sums you can fully absorb if they are never repaid.
31 people, independently
Ask for valuable collateral when lending money, choosing items you would not mind keeping if unpaid.
One approach suggests expecting not to receive the money back before deciding to lend.
3 people, independently
Do not advertise savings or unexpected windfalls to friends, particularly those in their early 30s or younger.
People in this age group may ask for loans once they learn you have cash.
one person who lived it
Do not lend money to people struggling with addiction, such as gambling, alcoholism, or drug use.
Lending may enable their addiction; if you do give money, do not expect repayment.
4 people, independently
20 more on this
Refuse to issue any new loans to friends until previous unpaid debts are settled.
Arguing over this refusal helps identify people who should be removed from your life.
3 people, independently
Treat lent money as an expense paid to learn about a person's character.
It helps you remember their character for next time.
one person who lived it
Offer a 'giftloan' by telling the borrower to repay only when they are better off than you, with no obligation if that day never comes.
Their survival takes precedence if they never get better off.
one person who lived it
Apply lending principles to gambling and investments: never risk money needed for essentials like rent.
Losing essential funds leads to going on tilt and losing more money.
one person who lived it
Respond to requests for loans with 'I would if I could'.
A wise co-worker identified this as the best response.
one person who lived it
Keep the amount of your savings private to avoid being asked for loans.
People who need to borrow money may try to get you to dip into your savings if they know how much you have.
one person who lived it
Lend money to a person only once; refuse all future requests until the initial loan is repaid.
Otherwise, you are simply providing occasional gifts rather than lending.
3 people, independently
- Before lending, determine if you are solving a problem or enabling someone to avoid consequences.1
Limit yourself to giving only one gift per person at a time.
This stops people from taking advantage of you.
one person who lived it
Do not feel guilty about refusing to give your own money to others.
They are the ones proposing the transaction.
one person who lived it
Sell short-term assets to acquire long-term assets rather than selling long-term assets for quick transient pleasure.
to gain benefits and security from long-term assets
one person who lived it
Give money only because you care for the person, not to earn friendship or romance points.
one person who lived it
Consider the loan amount as the cost to stop hearing complaints or dealing with the person asking for more money.
2 people, independently
Simply say 'no' to requests for money without offering excuses, lies, or explanations.
'No' is a complete sentence.
one person who lived it
Treat debt as a subtraction from future income rather than a source of current income.
one person who lived it
Gently remind friends that they owe you money, as they may have genuinely forgotten.
People often forget debts and will apologize and pay immediately upon reminder.
one person who lived it
Give money with the expectation of receiving nothing in return.
Any repayment then becomes a pleasant surprise that makes you happy.
one person who lived it
- Help friends with no expectations for payback, accepting any repayments as pleasant surprises.1
Recognize that both lending and refusing to lend money will strain the relationship.
one person who lived it
Limit your emotional involvement to the amount of hurt you are willing to sustain.
one person who lived it
Insist that the original loan amount be repaid before allowing any secondary loans.
3 people, independently
Do not include expected loan repayments in your personal budget; treat any return as a bonus.
one person who lived it