Relationships
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Do not lend money to relatives; view any help as a gift you likely will not get back.
Family loans rarely result in repayment.
4 people, independently
- Do not lend money to friends or neighbors; if you lend to family, do not expect repayment.1
- Never lend money to family members and never cosign loans for them.1
Secure your own financial footing and cover your expenses before lending cash to relatives.
Handling your own obligations first is similar to securing your oxygen mask before helping others; you should focus on your long-term security by funding retirement and savings.
4 people, independently
Consider partnering with someone who has higher financial resources or complementary income to improve your household's economic standing.
Two incomes make a significant difference; for example, two people earning $50k each create a $100k household income, whereas one person earning $50k struggles alone.
- This is not easy for everyone.
3 people, independently
Do not tell merchants that purchases are for a wedding.
Merchants may see dollar signs and jack up the cost.
one person who lived it
Ask the person if they want to be heard without response or if they want advice.
It avoids drama and offers support.
one person who lived it
Write a detailed document outlining plans for a family member's debt-free goals to help them understand and commit.
One person found this approach awesome and effective for their goal.
one person who lived it
Do not gift cash to anyone, including family; offer to buy food or pay necessary bills instead.
People may lie about where cash goes or pass it to others you would not have supported.
one person who lived it
Stop sharing your financial details with parents who judge or shame you, especially if they are not willing to help.
It is none of their business if they are not providing support.
one person who lived it
If you must pay a bill for someone, pay the creditor directly; never hand over cash.
Handing over cash allows the recipient to claim they paid it while keeping the money.
one person who lived it
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Decline to invest in a family member's business if you are the primary breadwinner and the venture is risky or unclear.
A responsible business owner should fund their own venture.
one person who lived it
Use last year's phones instead of buying new ones.
They still work fine despite advertising claims.
one person who lived it
Let adults learn from their own financial mistakes rather than trying to save them.
Choices have consequences, and you cannot save someone from themselves.
one person who lived it
Set clear boundaries that you will not lend money to family members with poor financial habits.
Maintain your own stability.
one person who lived it
Ensure your partner shares similar life goals and financial habits.
This alignment makes frugal living possible.
one person who lived it
Offer to find resources or assistance instead of giving cash.
Finding resources is still helping.
one person who lived it
Reject loan requests from family members who cannot qualify for bank financing, as this indicates high risk.
If experienced underwriting professionals won't lend to them, it is a big clue you shouldn't either.
one person who lived it
Get alterations done elsewhere than the store selling the item.
Stores often charge higher prices because of the convenience.
one person who lived it
Keep your savings balance and net worth secret from financially irresponsible relatives; share this information only with your partner.
This prevents situations where they exploit your financial status.
one person who lived it
Formally close old bank accounts after moving funds to avoid overdraft fees if an unauthorized user attempts further withdrawals.
Leaving an empty account open can result in fees if someone tries to withdraw money.
one person who lived it
Surround yourself with friends who are flexible regarding your financial situation.
Other people's expectations can financially bankrupt you.
one person who lived it
Treat 'no' as a complete sentence when refusing requests; do not feel obligated to provide explanations or justifications.
3 people, independently