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When talking makes you nervous

None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.

How this was put together

If you only read a few

  1. Read 'How to Win Friends & Influence People' by Dale Carnegie.

    It helps smooth out rough edges in social interactions.

    27 people, independently

  2. Let go of anxiety about others' opinions, as they are mostly focused on their own lives and seldom think about you.

    People tend to be too preoccupied with their own lives.

    4 people, independently

    • Remember that most people are preoccupied with their own concerns and anxieties.3

  3. Get comfortable being uncomfortable.

    Growth doesn’t come from being comfortable.

    4 people, independently

  4. Keep doing the scary task until the anxiety fades.

    The fear tends to shrink after you persist with it for a period.

    5 people, independently

  5. Embrace blushing and push through awkward interactions without hiding; resisting it causes it to persist, while acceptance helps it fade over time.

    Resisting it will cause it to persist; embracing it allows it to go away on its own.

    5 people, independently

people, social, practice, questions42

Get curious about the other person on the spot to form questions that steer the conversation.

  1. Practice mindfulness meditation.

    It helps stay present, reins in racing thoughts, and aids those who are sleep deprived.

    • It can be hard to start.

    3 people, independently

  2. Be your authentic self rather than creating a fake personality to please others.

    People stay with you because they like the way you are.

    3 people, independently

  3. Try many new things and do not fear failure, treating mistakes as lessons.

    4 people, independently

    • Accept that mistakes and failures are a natural part of the process.5

  4. Ask questions about how someone feels or how something came to be, focusing on them rather than yourself.

    People love to talk about themselves, and asking questions is how we get answers.

    3 people, independently

    • Ask personal questions that encourage the other person to talk about themselves rather than general facts.3
27 more on this

  1. Repeatedly practice social interactions in low-stakes public settings, such as talking to cashiers.

    Exposure makes these situations easier over time; avoiding them increases anxiety, while doing them builds comfort and skill.

    4 people, independently

  2. Laugh at your own mistakes immediately to own them and prevent self-judgment.

    It shows confidence and prevents others from judging you because you are not judging yourself.

    3 people, independently

  3. Treat yourself with more compassion and accept that errors happen.

    Everyone feels awkward sometimes, which is a normal part of the human experience.

    4 people, independently

    • Laugh off social mistakes and move forward; own your awkwardness without caring what others think.4

  4. Watch non-verbal cues before initiating contact; seek signs of interest and steer clear of people with averted gazes, turned bodies, or dismissive remarks.

    Non-verbal signals are essential for identifying people who want to talk.

    4 people, independently

  5. Get curious about the other person on the spot to form questions that steer the conversation.

    17 people, independently

    • Use simple starting points like 'Hey, what’s up?' to get the ball rolling and get the other person talking.12
    • Initiate interesting chats by asking unexpected, thought-provoking questions.4

  6. Stop viewing women as a separate or mysterious group; rewire your perspective to see them as ordinary people just like men.

    4 people, independently

  7. Hang out with people who have stronger social skills to acquire those abilities.

    5 people, independently

    • Start socializing slowly by making short comments or conversations with people in everyday contexts like class or stores, then slowly build up.7

  8. Remind yourself that people are primarily preoccupied with their own lives and unlikely to judge or remember your mannerisms harshly.

    14 people, independently

    • Recall that others rarely judge minor errors as harshly or permanently as you fear; they generally care less than you assume.5
    • Remind yourself that you likely will never see a stranger again, so do not overthink the interaction.4

  9. Relax and give your full attention to the speaker rather than planning your next response.

    5 people, independently

    • Focus entirely on what the other person is saying rather than your own appearance or next response.5
    • Pause during your story to let the listener speak or ask questions.6

  10. Shift your attention away from how you are perceived and toward other people.

    4 people, independently

  11. Be patient with yourself and keep practicing, as developing social abilities requires time.

    Developing social abilities requires time and practice.

    4 people, independently

  12. Focus on the current moment rather than dwelling on past actions or planning future interactions.

    8 people, independently

  13. Make a habit of considering the potential effects of your words before speaking them.

    3 people, independently

  14. Keep in mind that your conversation partner is just a human being.

    3 people, independently

  15. Engage with acquaintances you meet briefly as a way to practice conversation skills, rather than avoiding them.

    4 people, independently

  16. Try working out to improve self-confidence if you do not already exercise.

    3 people, independently

  17. Admit when your mind has blanked and ask for a moment to gather your thoughts or ask the person to repeat themselves.

    3 people, independently

  18. Join ongoing conversations where an opportunity presents itself rather than trying to start one from nowhere.

    3 people, independently

  19. Practice meditation to center yourself and reduce the control your emotions have over your actions.

    4 people, independently

    • Practice meditation and breathing techniques to manage anxiety.4

  20. Build confidence by deliberately placing yourself in challenging scenarios.

    4 people, independently

  21. Learn from social mistakes without letting them worsen your confidence for future interactions.

    3 people, independently

  22. Intentionally embarrass yourself to desensitize your reaction to embarrassment.

    3 people, independently

  23. Prepare three discussion topics or current events before attending an event.

    3 people, independently

  24. Excuse yourself from conversations politely using any reason, real or made up, when you feel tapped out.

    3 people, independently

  25. Initiate conversation by commenting on another person's drink, such as asking if it is any good.

    3 people, independently

  26. Mention an amusing or recent event you experienced or observed to sustain the dialogue.

    5 people, independently

  27. Use the FORD method for safe conversation topics: Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams.

    4 people, independently

  1. Do not comment on someone's blushing or red face.

    Pointing it out increases their embarrassment and anxiety.

    • If you are flirting, mentioning it may be acceptable.

    5 people, independently

  2. Use foundation, tinted moisturizer, or other makeup to cut down on facial redness.

    Makeup can even out skin color and reduce the visibility of redness, helping you feel less exposed.

    9 people, independently

  3. Remind yourself that attractive women are regular humans who perform mundane bodily functions like eating, digesting, and using the bathroom.

    5 people, independently

  4. Focus on physical health through proper nutrition, regular movement, and enough hydration.

    3 people, independently

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