When talking makes you nervous
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Read 'How to Win Friends & Influence People' by Dale Carnegie.
It helps smooth out rough edges in social interactions.
some people found it on their own
Let go of anxiety about others' opinions, as they are mostly focused on their own lives and seldom think about you.
People tend to be too preoccupied with their own lives.
some people found it on their own
- Remember that most people are preoccupied with their own concerns and anxieties.3
Get comfortable being uncomfortable.
Growth doesn’t come from being comfortable.
some people found it on their own
Keep doing the scary task until the anxiety fades.
The fear tends to shrink after you persist with it for a period.
some people found it on their own
Embrace blushing and push through awkward interactions without hiding; resisting it causes it to persist, while acceptance helps it fade over time.
Resisting it will cause it to persist; embracing it allows it to go away on its own.
some people found it on their own
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Get curious about the other person on the spot to form questions that steer the conversation.
Practice mindfulness meditation.
It helps stay present, reins in racing thoughts, and aids those who are sleep deprived.
- It can be hard to start.
some people found it on their own
Be your authentic self rather than creating a fake personality to please others.
People stay with you because they like the way you are.
some people found it on their own
Try many new things and do not fear failure, treating mistakes as lessons.
some people found it on their own
- Accept that mistakes and failures are a natural part of the process.5
Ask questions about how someone feels or how something came to be, focusing on them rather than yourself.
People love to talk about themselves, and asking questions is how we get answers.
some people found it on their own
- Ask personal questions that encourage the other person to talk about themselves rather than general facts.3
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Repeatedly practice social interactions in low-stakes public settings, such as talking to cashiers.
Exposure makes these situations easier over time; avoiding them increases anxiety, while doing them builds comfort and skill.
some people found it on their own
Laugh at your own mistakes immediately to own them and prevent self-judgment.
It shows confidence and prevents others from judging you because you are not judging yourself.
some people found it on their own
Treat yourself with more compassion and accept that errors happen.
Everyone feels awkward sometimes, which is a normal part of the human experience.
some people found it on their own
- Laugh off social mistakes and move forward; own your awkwardness without caring what others think.4
Watch non-verbal cues before initiating contact; seek signs of interest and steer clear of people with averted gazes, turned bodies, or dismissive remarks.
Non-verbal signals are essential for identifying people who want to talk.
some people found it on their own
Get curious about the other person on the spot to form questions that steer the conversation.
some people found it on their own
- Use simple starting points like 'Hey, what’s up?' to get the ball rolling and get the other person talking.12
- Initiate interesting chats by asking unexpected, thought-provoking questions.4
Stop viewing women as a separate or mysterious group; rewire your perspective to see them as ordinary people just like men.
some people found it on their own
Hang out with people who have stronger social skills to acquire those abilities.
some people found it on their own
- Start socializing slowly by making short comments or conversations with people in everyday contexts like class or stores, then slowly build up.7
Remind yourself that people are primarily preoccupied with their own lives and unlikely to judge or remember your mannerisms harshly.
some people found it on their own
- Recall that others rarely judge minor errors as harshly or permanently as you fear; they generally care less than you assume.5
- Remind yourself that you likely will never see a stranger again, so do not overthink the interaction.4
Relax and give your full attention to the speaker rather than planning your next response.
some people found it on their own
- Focus entirely on what the other person is saying rather than your own appearance or next response.5
- Pause during your story to let the listener speak or ask questions.6
Shift your attention away from how you are perceived and toward other people.
some people found it on their own
Be patient with yourself and keep practicing, as developing social abilities requires time.
Developing social abilities requires time and practice.
some people found it on their own
Focus on the current moment rather than dwelling on past actions or planning future interactions.
some people found it on their own
Make a habit of considering the potential effects of your words before speaking them.
some people found it on their own
Keep in mind that your conversation partner is just a human being.
some people found it on their own
Engage with acquaintances you meet briefly as a way to practice conversation skills, rather than avoiding them.
some people found it on their own
Try working out to improve self-confidence if you do not already exercise.
- Only if you don't already work out
some people found it on their own
Admit when your mind has blanked and ask for a moment to gather your thoughts or ask the person to repeat themselves.
some people found it on their own
Join ongoing conversations where an opportunity presents itself rather than trying to start one from nowhere.
some people found it on their own
Practice meditation to center yourself and reduce the control your emotions have over your actions.
some people found it on their own
- Practice meditation and breathing techniques to manage anxiety.4
Build confidence by deliberately placing yourself in challenging scenarios.
some people found it on their own
Learn from social mistakes without letting them worsen your confidence for future interactions.
some people found it on their own
Intentionally embarrass yourself to desensitize your reaction to embarrassment.
some people found it on their own
Prepare three discussion topics or current events before attending an event.
some people found it on their own
Excuse yourself from conversations politely using any reason, real or made up, when you feel tapped out.
some people found it on their own
Initiate conversation by commenting on another person's drink, such as asking if it is any good.
some people found it on their own
Mention an amusing or recent event you experienced or observed to sustain the dialogue.
some people found it on their own
Use the FORD method for safe conversation topics: Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams.
some people found it on their own
Do not comment on someone's blushing or red face.
Pointing it out increases their embarrassment and anxiety.
- If you are flirting, mentioning it may be acceptable.
some people found it on their own
Use foundation, tinted moisturizer, or other makeup to cut down on facial redness.
Makeup can even out skin color and reduce the visibility of redness, helping you feel less exposed.
some people found it on their own
Remind yourself that attractive women are regular humans who perform mundane bodily functions like eating, digesting, and using the bathroom.
some people found it on their own
Focus on physical health through proper nutrition, regular movement, and enough hydration.
some people found it on their own