Awkwardness
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Decide not to care what other people think of you.
It might help with social anxiety.
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Chill and embrace awkward situations rather than fighting them, which reduces the feeling of awkwardness.
Learning not to fear awkwardness can make it disappear from conversations.
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- Stop trying to escape awkwardness and instead accept it as an element of social interaction.1
- Embrace awkwardness in interactions and push through until they become less awkward over time.1
- Practice talking to people regularly to develop the skill of keeping conversations going.2
- Avoid internal dialogue that labels you as inept during awkward moments; recognize that awkwardness does not define who you are.1
Work on being less awkward as a lifelong process of integration rather than seeking a quick fix.
That is the fun in life.
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Stop trying to be a 'less awkward person' and just be yourself without acting like someone you think others would like.
One person reported this helped things get better.
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- Stop caring about being awkward, acknowledging that everyone is awkward.1
Sing along to songs in your car to help strengthen your voice for the next day.
One person found this helped with voice projection and strength.
- Based on one person's experience.
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Wear obvious headphones to signal that you do not wish to interact with others.
Tell yourself to talk to someone as if it's your last time talking to them to push yourself to talk more to someone you don't really know.
It pushes you to talk more to someone you don't really know.
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Stop trying so hard to look cool.
Caring too much about appearing cool causes the effort to backfire.
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Do not hide 'cringy' hobbies from people.
Hiding these things makes people think you are weird.
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Wear headphones to disguise talking to yourself, as observers will assume you are on a call.
People will assume you're on a call.
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If you feel the urge to fill silence, pause or ask a question instead of making unnecessary sound.
Constant chatter can be overstimulating for others and may indicate they are not having a good time.
- One person with ADHD found this helpful to stop 'rattling'.
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Speak confidently and immediately correct or add to statements if you do not feel good about what you just said.
You can adjust your words on the fly.
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Instead of overthinking witty responses, simply smile, chuckle, and say 'yeah' to passing comments.
People care more about your vibe than what you say.
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Improve listening skills and pay attention to your surroundings instead of worrying about what to say.
Worrying about what to say puts more stress on you.
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If your mind goes blank, joke about it to lighten the mood and connect with others.
Humor makes people feel better and helps them click with one another.
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Own your awkwardness and accept that you cannot be good at everything.
Being good everywhere would make you a 'cheat code'.
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- Embrace awkwardness and cringe, recognizing them as inevitable parts of life.1
Relax and feel safe so that your intuition can calibrate and guide your speech over time.
Judgment blocks expression; feeling safe allows intuition to kick in.
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Improve social skills through deliberate practice with a specific goal in mind, treating them as learnable abilities.
Social skills are just a set of skills that can be learned like other basic life skills.
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Push through the difficult starting phase of socializing, as improvement begins once you get past it.
Getting started is the hardest part.
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Read an article or book aloud regularly if you struggle with speaking.
It helps practice speaking if it is something you do not do often.
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Focus on the area between someone's eyes or observe their mouth moving instead of maintaining direct eye contact.
Gazing between eyebrows mimics real eye contact; watching the mouth helps if looking between eyes triggers anxiety.
- For some, even looking between the eyes triggers anxiety.
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Wear obvious headphones to signal that you do not wish to interact with others.
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Reframe silence as golden or play a game where the first person to speak loses to handle simple silence.
Listening to nothing is preferable to dull babbling.
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If you are nervous about revealing new aspects of yourself to family, introduce them gradually.
It can be scary at first, but it leads to relief and positive progress.
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Keep putting yourself out there until you find people who appreciate your uniqueness.
Eventually you will hit upon great people who get your differences.
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Expand your world and meet diverse people to gradually feel less 'weird' as your experience grows.
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If you prefer to remain silent in social settings, stay alert, make momentary eye contact, and smile occasionally.
People who would want to be around you will understand this approach.
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Shift your focus from internal self-consciousness to observing others and the environment.
Self-consciousness often stems from a desire for control that you do not have; accepting this allows you to keep moving.
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Break social improvement into smaller parts and focus on which ones to work on first.
Splitting tasks makes them easier to digest; some parts depend on others, while some are pointless to address immediately.
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Find friends who can appreciate you instead of isolating yourself.
Isolation leads only downward.
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Avoid overthinking the best approach; research ideas online, pick one, and start anywhere.
Any starting point will be helpful.
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Practice talking to low-stakes people like cashiers or employees before entering high-stakes social situations.
It gets the 'muscle moving' and makes socializing feel more natural over time.
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Remind yourself that the other person is likely feeling just as nervous as you are.
Most awkwardness comes from overthinking.
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Shift your focus from your own internal feelings to observing the other person's expressions and considering how you want them to feel.
It makes you feel less self-conscious and people respond positively to this energy.
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Aim for 'not super awkward' as your initial social goal rather than trying to be charming or hilarious.
Once you reach this baseline, improvement becomes easier and happens without effort.
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Be genuine and happy rather than trying to impress others.
Cringe usually stems from inauthenticity; being genuine prevents it.
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Pick a destination for your walk to make transportation the primary purpose.
The 'walking' can be secondary.
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Stop forcing conversation contributions; relax and let words come naturally to prevent overthinking.
Trying harder causes the brain to overthink and makes it harder to find the right words.
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Review recordings of yourself to identify and correct awkward behaviors like slouching or mumbling.
It helps you see specific issues that are painful but necessary to change.
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Pretend you are not awkward to help manage the situation.
Others probably do not perceive the interaction as weird or awkward as your inner dialogue suggests.
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Relax your nervous system to absorb social signals clearly.
A tense or clenched nervous system loses signal resonance, preventing clear absorption of cues.
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Do not assume awkwardness is a specific symptom of autism.
Awkwardness is not listed as a distinguishing symptom between autistic and non-autistic people.
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Use brief, semi-frequent eye contact to signal engagement and create moments of connection.
It turns awkward pauses into engaged looks and communicates your engagement without being a stare-down.
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Practice talking to strangers in low-pressure digital environments, such as voice chats in video games.
One person reported that chatting with strangers about their day in Fortnite helped them.
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Continue approaching people despite past awkward interactions, assuming they do not recall them.
Most people have other worries and likely do not remember specific interactions with you.
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Accept that your definition of normal does not have to match the definitions of others.
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Pretend to be confident to become confident.
Shyness requires active work to overcome.
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Accept mutual silence as a valid way to close a conversation.
Not every conversation needs a formal closing.
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Improve yourself in tangible ways unrelated to social skills to naturally grow confidence.
Confidence grows naturally when you improve in other areas.
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In person, avoid overthinking because body language conveys your actions; if you slip up, correct yourself casually right afterwards.
People can see how you're acting via body language, making overthinking unnecessary.
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Move, speak, and look around slowly, relaxedly, and deliberately to signal confidence.
Fast, twitchy, and tense movements create awkwardness.
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Accept your awkwardness as part of yourself and turn embarrassing moments into humorous stories.
Laughing at yourself makes others feel more comfortable because everyone can relate to awkward experiences.
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Practice social interactions regularly.
It will boost your confidence.
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Change who you are without waiting for anyone's permission, support, or acceptance.
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If you struggle with social comfort, spend significant time with people until it fades or find one person who vibes with you to introduce you to others.
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Practice meditation to help stay in the moment during social interactions.
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Read 'Captivate' by Vanessa Van Edwards for advice on social skills.
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Rehearse speaking while looking at yourself to improve your expressiveness.
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Say whatever random thing comes to mind instead of overthinking topic validity.
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Prepare conversation topics in your head tailored to specific people to use when it gets awkward.
Be a good listener, ask good questions, and give people space to talk.
One person found early success this way.
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When initiating conversations with men outside the office, ask them what they do for work.
They tend to enjoy talking about their jobs.
- Based on one person's experience speaking to guys.
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Join clubs or groups on campus that share your interests.
Shared interests ensure there is always a topic to discuss, even in group settings.
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Focus on putting the other person at ease by asking questions and being curious.
This keeps you out of your head so you can engage in the moment.
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Ask questions and show genuine interest in topics the other person is good at to make them like you.
People love to talk, and asking about their strengths makes them like you.
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Listen actively when others speak and ask questions about key points they mention.
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Talk with passion about things you enjoy watching, reading, or doing.
You will appear more interesting.
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Pose questions and listen attentively to broaden dialogue and identify shared interests.
People enjoy discussing their own lives, and their responses often highlight mutual connections.
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- Facilitate small talk by asking non-personal questions about others' interests, work, pets, or media.1
Focus on asking questions about the other person's interests, such as music or hobbies, rather than worrying about having interesting things to say.
Socializing relies more on having things to ask than having things to say.
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Listen more and say very little during conversations.
You learn a lot by listening, and some of the best conversationalists say very little.
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Share genuine reactions instead of safe stock responses like 'nice' or 'yeah'.
Filtered responses make you seem uninterested and invisible, whereas genuine reactions sound like actual listening.
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Identify what you personally enjoy about conversations and bring that specific element into your interactions.
Building on what you like helps improve interactions.
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Do not reciprocate quickly if someone answers 'fine' or 'good' briefly.
They probably answered only to be polite without intending to engage.
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Prepare conversation topics in your head tailored to specific people to use when it gets awkward.
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Find something positive about another person as a starting point for developing interest.
It serves as step one to interest.
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Stay informed about current affairs by reading and listening to world news so you can participate in conversations.
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Project confidence.
People won't see as many errors if you seem confident.
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Read 'The Courage To Be Disliked' to help steer your thoughts and gain confidence.
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Read 'Art of Extraordinary Confidence' by Aziz Gazipura.
Transformative
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