Body language

None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.

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Smile at people you pass by, keeping your head high and locking eyes, to appear friendly and welcoming.
It can make a huge difference and help ease the atmosphere when surrounded by strangers.
- It will feel weird and awkward.
one person who lived it
- Smile and make eye contact to appear more approachable.1
- If you work in a detail-oriented environment, try taking a small physical step toward people, making eye contact, and smiling to appear less guarded.1
Practice stillness with feet planted and shoulders down, breathing four seconds in, holding for two, and exhaling for six.
Stillness beats swagger.
one person who lived it
Rest your hand on your chin while talking or listening to appear serious and attentive, but maintain eye contact.
It makes you look serious about what you are saying and attentive to what others are saying.
- Look at the person, not the floor.
one person who lived it
Move your hands visibly near your face while talking to appear more engaging and help people listen better.
Moving hands makes you appear more fun and helps people listen better.
one person who lived it
- Use hand gestures to emphasize your speech and illustrate your points.11

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Maintain open body language to show that you are confident and comfortable.

Walk with a straight back, look at people's faces instead of the ground, and maintain eye contact during conversations.
This helps project confidence.
2 people, independently
- Adopt confident body posture by standing straight, relaxing shoulders, and looking forward instead of down.1
- Maintain open body language to show that you are confident and comfortable.6
Let your arms sway naturally at your sides while walking rather than putting them in pockets.
Not swinging your arms can look creepy.
3 people, independently
- Let your arms hang loosely by your sides when standing in public.1
- Remove your hands from your pockets and focus on walking with your shoulders and body weight; it may feel weird at first but can become natural and improve how others perceive your walk.1
Mimic the hand positions of the person you are speaking with to appear connected.
Psychologically, it sends a message that you're connected and like each other.
- Stick with the initial position for a while even if they change theirs; swap only once in a while.
one person who lived it
Sit up straight with your shoulders back.
Bending your back and slouching makes you appear weak, frail, and timid.
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Stand with your feet slightly apart and point your toes toward the person you are speaking with.
Pointing feet away can signal an attempt to leave.
one person who lived it
Stretch your neck upwards while pushing your shoulders downwards.
It improves posture and makes you look more confident.
one person who lived it
Intentionally look away from the other person's face if you notice they are struggling to meet your gaze.
It assumes they are uncomfortable with your gaze.
one person who lived it
- Instead of forcing direct eye contact, slowly scan the environment in the middle distance.1
Smile back when making eye contact to show confidence; looking away signals disinterest and loses the chance.
Looking away non-verbally tells the other person they are not worth looking at.
2 people, independently
Match your facial expressions and body language to the tone you are trying to portray.
People use both tone and body language to read emotions, and tone often naturally matches body language.
one person who lived it
Stand at parade rest with your hands by your sides if you are unsure what to do with them in social situations.
Putting hands in pockets may not look confident, and crossing arms may look standoffish.
one person who lived it
Keep a small expression on your face instead of letting it completely rest to seem more approachable.
It makes you seem much more approachable.
2 people, independently
- If your resting facial expression makes you appear unapproachable, continue being friendly despite initial cold reactions.1
- Look actively attentive rather than having a resting face to appear primed to smile.1
- Soften your facial expression and maintain open body language to make yourself approachable without initiating conversation.1
- If you have experience in customer-facing roles, use a calm, approachable facial expression to help strangers feel comfortable asking for directions or initiating conversation.1
Put four fingers in your pocket while leaving your thumb poking out to appear relaxed and confident.
Shoving your entire hand into a pocket can show discomfort or suggest you are hiding something.
one person who lived it
Maintain good posture and cut down on idle movement like bouncing.
Bouncing or inability to keep steady makes one feel younger; standing sure of where you're going feels more mature.
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Practice smiling in a mirror by activating the muscles used when starting to laugh without making noise.
This usually positions your eyes correctly for a genuine smile and avoids sending threatening mixed signals if your eyes do not join your mouth.
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Work on specific non-verbal cues such as timing conversation entries, maintaining appropriate eye contact, and adjusting body position to avoid appearing rude.
Failure to pick up on these cues can make you come across as rude.
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Keep your chin angled down to avoid appearing like you are looking down on others.
Sticking your nose up can make you appear arrogant, even if caused by physical factors like ill-fitting glasses.
one person who lived it
Relax your body to avoid appearing tense.
Tension is noticeable even if specific gestures are not scrutinized; people care less about body language if you are comfortable, but notice when you are not.
one person who lived it
Read introductory books on body language to understand how much it influences life.
Many people, even famous ones, are unaware of the extent to which body language influences their lives.
one person who lived it
Uncross your arms when others are speaking or asking questions to appear open.
Crossed arms can signal disagreement, ego, or defensiveness.
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Project positive energy, happiness, and a good mood rather than a stoic or brooding demeanor.
The intimidation goes away.
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Turn your palms outward when gesturing to signal sincerity and openness.
It conveys acceptance regardless of how you are received.
2 people, independently
Observe who a person looks at when something funny happens to identify who they feel closest to.
Subconsciously, people look to their preferred companion when sharing an emotional reaction like laughter.
one person who lived it
Mimic positive body language to project confidence.
Confidence projects positive body language, and mimicking that posture can in turn project confidence.
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Maintain approachable body language by smiling and avoiding constant staring, which others may perceive as rude.
Others might think it is rude to interrupt you if you are constantly staring at something.
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Support your words with positive body language, including genuine smiles, good posture, and eye contact.
- Do not force a smile if you are not feeling it.
3 people, independently
- Nod your head, occasionally make eye contact, and smile warmly to signal that you are listening and processing what is being said.3
If you find yourself losing focus in conversation due to comfort, sit on a seat without a back or on the floor to force good posture and maintain alertness.
Sitting too comfortably can cause you to disengage from the conversation; maintaining upright posture helps keep you focused.
one person who lived it
Set a baseline of a person's normal behavior before interpreting specific gestures.
Some behaviors (like always crossing arms) are a person's default; deviations from this baseline are more meaningful than the gesture itself.
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Engage behaviorally when someone you like appears to signal enjoyment, even if your facial expression remains neutral.
Behavior speaks as loudly as facial expressions.
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Work on making your natural facial expression appear chill and friendly to avoid being misinterpreted as angry.
a natural expression might be misinterpreted as anger
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Adopt a body language stance similar to Caesar from Planet of the Apes: rarely speak, but use posture and facial expressions to convey authority and disinterest in conflict.
It avoids physical or verbal confrontation while communicating enough through non-verbal cues.
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Interpret body language gestures in groups or clusters rather than individually.
A single gesture (like crossed arms) may mean nothing without other indicators of closure; interpreting them individually leads to misreading intentions.
one person who lived it

Try bouldering to improve hand dexterity and strength.
One person reported that ten months of bouldering improved their hand skills after twenty years of playing guitar.
one person who lived it
Press one thumb with the opposite hand during presentations to help relax.
It triggers the release of endorphins in the brain.
one person who lived it
Press a finger against another finger on the same hand or into your palm to occupy your hands discreetly.
It is less distracting than other movements.
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Hold your hands to your sides to avoid fidgeting.
Fidgeting is considered undesirable.
- It may be difficult at first.
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Stop overthinking hand placement and allow it to become automatic.
Overthinking makes behavior unnatural.
2 people, independently