Career
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Do not downplay your strengths or claim to be bad at things.
People may take your word for it and treat you poorly, leading to a miserable life.
one person who lived it
Emulate outgoing coworkers who help you and get to know those who support you.
They provide a model for how to be social when you don't know how.
one person who lived it
If you struggle with social anxiety, consider taking a job that requires frequent customer interaction to practice exposure.
Repeated exposure can help you become more casual and comfortable with talking to people over time.
- This may drain your social energy significantly after work.
- It might lead to disliking people or avoiding socializing outside of work.
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Interact with strangers to gain a sense of shared humanity, which builds understanding and confidence.
The resulting comfort helps overcome fear of meeting new people.
- Based on one person's experience.
one person who lived it
Keep a balance between social growth and self-preservation in the service industry, acknowledging that it can make you dislike people.
The service industry has pros and cons.
- It may make you hate people.
one person who lived it
Treat social interaction like a gym: actively put in the work to get stronger rather than just showing up.
You need to put in the work to get better, similar to an athlete using a gym.
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Stick out your hand, smile broadly, and introduce yourself confidently every time someone enters, even if you feel out of place.
After a couple of days, it gets much easier because others only see your smile and words.
one person who lived it
Make an extra effort to appreciate difficult coworkers, such as by giving them cards or compliments.
Difficult people often do not feel appreciated.
- Do not rely on their behavior for your happiness, as they may revert to negative behavior during off days.
one person who lived it
Recognize that the worst-case scenarios for social mistakes are rarely life-ending.
You quickly learn that feared outcomes do not materialize when you make errors.
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Embrace making mistakes and 'fucking it up' rather than focusing on doing things perfectly.
Eventually, these experiences become stories you can tell and be proud of.
one person who lived it
Work in fast-casual counter service to rehabilitate social skills.
It provides a constant stream of new faces to talk to, and you can shut down without consequence if needed.
one person who lived it
Use phone support or call center jobs to improve communication skills if face-to-face interaction is too daunting.
Phone support helped one person get better at conversations and calls.
2 people, independently
Respond to rude customers with kindness and respect to calm them down.
Many people shout because they lack respect; treating them respectfully often leads to nicer responses.
one person who lived it
Overcome the fear of asking for entitled benefits by risking rejection, as the attempt becomes easier with practice.
Feeling comfortable after taking the risk leads to feeling really good.
- Based on one person's experience.
one person who lived it
Stop filtering thoughts during conversation; let ideas flow naturally without overthinking appropriateness.
Filtering out things you think shouldn't be talked about causes you to run out of things to say.
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Ask coworkers for feedback on your social performance rather than relying on customer reactions.
Customers snapping is most likely because they are having a bad day, not because of something you did.
one person who lived it
Take a part-time job as a cashier to practice social interaction with strangers.
- It may not help with talking to coworkers.
- Customers may view you in a degrading way rather than as a person.
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Volunteer for roles requiring interaction with strangers, such as patient transport, to practice social skills in a low-stakes environment.
The idea of being social is often scarier than actually doing it.
one person who lived it
Adopt a distinct 'work persona' or character to separate professional interactions from your private self.
One approach that helped was acting as a 'work character' at work and removing it at home, eventually finding a middle ground.
one person who lived it
Offer quiet service with minimal conversation if you prefer it, as some customers appreciate this style.
Some customers prefer having their order taken and food brought without extra conversation.
- This applies to customers who prefer less talkative servers.
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Use repetitive scripts in service interactions to build confidence without the pressure of dynamic conversation.
Repeating familiar lines allows you to act out social roles safely until you feel comfortable deviating from the script.
- This method does not necessarily improve the ability to develop real relationships or make friends.
3 people, independently
Fake confidence until it becomes real to counter negative self-talk that filters your engaging personality.
Negative self-talk causes you to filter yourself even if you are engaging or hilarious.
one person who lived it
Accept that occasional days of low social energy or stress are normal, even for confident people, and do not let them consume you.
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Treat every customer interaction as a repetition to build social muscle.
Viewing interactions as reps helps make social exchanges feel seamless over time.
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State clearly that you are happy to discuss job-related topics but do not owe colleagues personal conversations.
Opening up personally invites others into your business; setting boundaries earns respect even if they don't like you.
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Master logistical tasks like taking orders before focusing on friendliness.
Preoccupation with not screwing up complex orders prevents thinking about being friendly.
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Use work opportunities to let your extroverted side perform while allowing your introverted side to sit back and enjoy the show.
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Work as a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) to improve social skills through patient interaction.
- The experience may start out rocky.
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React to what others say by sharing relatable life experiences, even insignificant ones.
It keeps the conversation flowing.
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Ask managers specific questions about their experiences or job procedures to demonstrate curiosity.
Knowing what you are talking about gives you more confidence, and managers appreciate curiosity and direct communication.
one person who lived it