College
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Connect with people who share your passions by joining local groups or clubs focused on activities like hiking, reading, arts, board games, skydiving, cooking, or wine.
Shared interests are essential for building lasting connections and finding lifelong friends.
- Do not be the person only looking for hookups.
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Use a friend you are comfortable with to introduce you to their social circle.
Humans find they are more comfortable with someone who knows someone they know (social proof).
- Do this non-manipulatively.
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Accept who you are and how your brain works to become more accepting of others.
The more one accepts themselves, the more accepting they become of others.
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Be the one to start conversations with strangers.
You might meet people who don't connect, but you will also find people you do connect with.
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Stop worrying about age and simply attend the event to have fun.
You likely won't even be the oldest one there.
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Break the ice by sending a simple hello.
It is easier than it seems.
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Provide guidance that requires the other person to do the work rather than solving the problem for them.
Help them help themselves instead of helping them solve their problem.
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Join outdoor or interest-based clubs to meet slightly older, laid-back people.
These groups tend to be more relaxed and attract an older demographic.
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Reframe college not as 'the best years of my life' but as a pathway to a better life.
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Address inhibiting emotions by proving yourself capable rather than inferior, and push through when hit by those emotions.
It is easy to over-psychologize things.
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Host a party and play music; as the host, you will meet many new people who introduce themselves out of courtesy.
Partygoers feel it is common courtesy to introduce themselves to the host.
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Greet people who initiate conversation with kindness, a smile, and enthusiasm.
It can be scary for them to approach you.
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Try various activities to see what sticks, using this time to become the person you want to be.
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Focus on joining activities you are interested in that involve other people, rather than trying to make friends directly.
This approach helped one person gain friends by shifting focus from the goal of friendship to shared interests.
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Become interested in other people rather than trying to get them interested in you, and offer sincere compliments occasionally.
Flattery gets you nowhere, but sincere compliments can work wonders.
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Ask younger students to explain memes or references you do not understand.
They will explain them.
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Put effort into hair, oral hygiene, clothes, skin care, makeup, and fitness to become attractive.
Attractiveness is not all genes; it requires effort.
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Attend university orientation to meet peers, especially if you are a transfer student.
It provides common ground, such as being a transfer student.
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Express your concerns about feeling clingy to your girlfriend to see if she wants you to visit her school or needs space.
Having the conversation clarifies whether she desires your presence or independence.
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Join pick-up sports events to meet people until it becomes natural.
Meeting people repeatedly helps social interaction become natural.
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Stop thinking negatively about missing out, as it only makes you feel worse.
Negative rumination worsens your feelings.
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Study during weekends instead of traveling home long distances, freeing up weekdays for socializing.
Wasting hours traveling every weekend reduces time available for balancing school and life; studying on weekends opens up the week.
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Establish financial stability before prioritizing socialization, as social activities can be costly.
socialization can be costly
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Approach people sitting alone.
Nearly everyone approached has appreciated it.
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Do not feel pressured to obey society's skewed standards of college life, such as partying every weekend.
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Focus on improving your life today rather than dwelling on perceived missed experiences.
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Work in an environment where everyone has to work closely together, as closeness can happen naturally.
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