Communication
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Don't begin sentences with 'No offense, but...', 'Not to be [negative], but...', or 'I don't mean to [negative], but...'.
Everything before the 'but' is nonsense; these phrases push the listener to view your statement in a negative light. Just say what you mean without planting that idea first.
- Some argue this advice is trash and that if someone can't understand you mean no offense, it is on them.
- Some suggest finding another way to rephrase your meaning entirely.
3 people, independently
Think about what you want to say and formulate the whole sentence in your head before speaking.
Taking a moment helps when uncertain of what to say.
- Thinking too much can cause you to focus excessively on words, leading to more stuttering or the opposite effect.
3 people, independently
- Slow down, reduce your word count, and consider your message before speaking to give your words more weight.4
- Pause briefly to arrange your ideas by time or importance prior to talking.4
Listen to understand and hear what is being said, rather than listening to respond or plan your reply.
Being more interested in the other person’s perspective and stories may help you slow things down.
3 people, independently
- Listen to understand rather than to respond; wait until the other person finishes before processing your reply.3
Aim for 50-70% eye contact while talking to someone, looking elsewhere for the rest of the time.
- Depends on orientation and engagement level.
9 people, independently
- Hold eye contact briefly while listening, then glance away naturally; looking around is fine when talking or pondering.4
- Look away when your conversation partner breaks eye contact, and only look back when they do.3
Build eye contact skills by gazing at your own reflection in a mirror.
It provides a safe way to build confidence and skill before interacting with others.
4 people, independently
- Practice making eye contact to become comfortable with it.4
More on communication42
Write down your thoughts in a journal or formal document before speaking to organize them and reduce fumbling.
Writing helps organize thoughts and makes it easier to talk about them without stumbling over words.
- This preparation may not be feasible in most real-time circumstances.
7 people, independently
Allow the interrupter to complete their sentence, then steer the dialogue back to your topic with phrases like 'returning to my point...' or 'as I was saying...'.
This approach lets them know their interruption is rude while still demonstrating that you listened to them.
3 people, independently
- You may choose to restart your previous point by stating that you were in the middle of speaking when they cut in.3
Use the WAIT acronym ('Why Am I Talking?') to prompt self-reflection before speaking.
It keeps your talking purposeful.
5 people, independently
Recognize the generosity of the person offering praise by expressing gratitude and highlighting their thoughtfulness.
It makes the other person feel valued and is a polite way to accept praise.
- In Japanese culture, saying 'thank you' can be considered arrogant.
- Avoid complimenting them back in the same way, as it can sound insincere.
16 people, independently
- Just smile and express thanks, without feeling obligated to return the praise or provide additional information.12
27 more on this
Simply say 'thank you' and smile when receiving a compliment, without adding further commentary, self-deprecation, or deflection.
Dwelling on a compliment can make you look egotistical or insecure; deflecting belittles the praise and can be off-putting.
27 people, independently
- Take compliments by smiling and just saying 'thank you' without dismissing them or dragging out the reply.4
- View accepting a compliment as receiving a verbal gift that should be gratefully accepted rather than deflected.3
- Accept compliments gracefully using specific phrases like 'That is very kind of you to say' or 'I'm glad you think so'.17
- Refrain from immediately returning a compliment after receiving one.7
- If receiving a compliment feels awkward, smile, say thanks, and move the conversation along quickly.3
Continue speaking in the same tone as if you were never interrupted.
Stopping talking encourages the behavior more.
5 people, independently
Limit contact with people who frequently interrupt or only speak about themselves.
Attempting to alter other people’s behavior is futile.
3 people, independently
Say 'Thanks for waiting' instead of apologizing when you are late, provided the other person already knows you will be late.
It encourages the other person to view themselves as patient rather than focusing on your tardiness.
5 people, independently
When calling parents from school, start by stating that everything is okay to prevent panic.
Parents automatically assume something is wrong when receiving a call from the school.
3 people, independently
Apologize immediately and invite the person to continue if you interrupt them.
It helps build self-control and earns more respect than never interrupting at all.
10 people, independently
Listen actively to the content rather than planning your response; wait until silence happens before speaking.
Formulating a response before all facts are laid out denies you potentially relevant information.
5 people, independently
Notify people you are running late as soon as you realize it, rather than waiting until the last minute.
Informing others before the expected arrival time is preferable to notifying them right before you are supposed to be there.
7 people, independently
If someone repeats an exciting story, let them finish without interrupting to say you have heard it.
They are too excited to stop, and stopping them causes embarrassment or makes them feel worse; letting them finish makes them like you more and view you as a better listener.
5 people, independently
Focus entirely on absorbing what the other person is saying rather than planning your next response.
Trying to think of what to say next prevents genuine listening and causes trouble in conversations.
3 people, independently
Take small pauses between sentences to let the listener process what you are saying.
It allows both speaker and listener time to process information and makes you more understandable.
4 people, independently
Hold your tongue until you are certain the other person has finished speaking.
5 people, independently
- Calmly and assertively state that you were not finished speaking, then continue your thought.7
- Be comfortable with silence and take pauses or breaths when speaking.3
- Resist the urge to fill empty spaces in conversation; simply pause and think.7
If no one is hurt after an incident, say so clearly before explaining what happened to keep listeners from imagining the worst.
It helps people focus on your words rather than fixating on negative possibilities.
3 people, independently
Stop trying to convince someone who is unwilling to change their mind, as they will remain of the same opinion.
4 people, independently
Before engaging in a dispute, determine if the exchange is worth your time.
7 people, independently
- Before speaking, ask yourself if your words truly contribute to the conversation or are necessary.14
Accept compliments directly and take credit for your effort or skill rather than downplaying them.
12 people, independently
Focus on comprehending the speaker instead of planning your response.
69 people, independently
Be honest about your revised ETA rather than lying or giving optimistic estimates you cannot meet.
so they can plan accordingly
4 people, independently
Politely ask for permission to finish your sentence when interrupted.
It interrupts the other person's line of thinking by overtly requesting permission.
4 people, independently
Say the listener's name before starting your sentence.
It captures their attention and allows them to fully engage.
3 people, independently
Deliver compliments casually in passing and move on immediately to avoid implying you want something in return.
Dragging out a compliment implies you want something back, whereas compliments between friends should be given without expecting anything in return.
3 people, independently
Use the THINK acronym (True, Helpful, Inspirational/Interesting/Inquiring/Nice, Necessary, Kind) to work out whether to speak.
11 people, independently
Offer a genuine compliment in return only if it feels natural; do not force it.
4 people, independently
Explicitly state phrases like 'let me finish' or 'I'm speaking' to reclaim the conversation floor.
4 people, independently
Hold up your hand or finger as a gesture to indicate you are not finished speaking.
7 people, independently
Eliminate filler words like 'um,' 'ah,' and 'you know' to communicate more succinctly.
10 people, independently
Prepare an exit strategy before starting a conversation in case you wish to leave.
4 people, independently
More on communication16
Use nonverbal cues like smiling, eye contact, and nodding to show you are engaged.
It encourages them to keep speaking and ensures they feel heard.
- Overdoing it can make you seem intense or have the unintended effect of appearing fake.
3 people, independently
Switch your gaze naturally between both eyes or eyebrows every few seconds.
Fixating on one eye looks cold and unnatural; switching appears smooth and warm.
- Do not switch too fast.
6 people, independently
Watch the speaker while they talk; break eye contact while thinking, then re-engage when you finish your thought.
This reflects normal human behavior.
3 people, independently
If interacting with someone who has strabismus, look at the eye that is pointed directly at you; if they switch eyes, follow the one looking at you.
It prevents them from feeling like there is a fly on their forehead or nose.
3 people, independently
- When speaking to someone with a lazy eye, look at the eye that is currently directed at you.4
10 more on this
Match the other person's eye contact behavior: if they maintain it, do the same; if they break it regularly, follow their lead.
Calibrating your eye contact to theirs helps 'check in' and aligns with social expectations.
3 people, independently
Direct your gaze at neutral areas such as eyelashes, eye makeup, or the gap between eyebrows to mimic direct eye contact without staring into pupils.
This creates the impression that you are looking directly at them.
4 people, independently
- Look at a person's nose or another vague area face-level to simulate engagement if direct eye contact is difficult.3
Maintain eye contact and speak directly to the person, not the interpreter.
Otherwise you risk diminishing that voice.
3 people, independently
Direct your gaze toward the forehead, nose, or space between the eyes instead of the pupils to lower intensity while maintaining connection.
This approach feels less overwhelming yet still establishes rapport, and observers typically cannot distinguish it from direct eye contact.
3 people, independently
After thanking someone with eye contact, immediately shift the topic or ask about them.
It prevents awkward silence and avoids seeming like a dodge.
3 people, independently
Concentrate on a single eye at once and deliberately interrupt the gaze regularly instead of holding it steadily.
Unbroken staring often comes across as unsettling.
3 people, independently
Direct your gaze slightly above or between the other person's eyes while conversing.
4 people, independently
Offer a hint of a smile when your eyes lock with a stranger.
3 people, independently
Use open body language, such as not crossing your arms, to look more approachable.
5 people, independently
Periodically glance at the other person to gauge facial expressions rather than maintaining persistent eye contact.
3 people, independently
More on communication27
Keep the dialogue going after receiving praise by sharing a brief story connected to the praised item or skill.
It creates an opening for further discussion and connection on that subject.
- Not every compliment requires a conversation-continuing response.
7 people, independently
Cease attempting to impress people and instead focus on showing genuine interest.
Other positive outcomes will follow from this shift.
3 people, independently
Be patient and allow time for the person to warm up before expecting them to open up.
They need to feel they can trust you before sharing cool stuff; patience creates a comfortable environment.
4 people, independently
Focus on and talk about your genuine interests and hobbies.
Lack of real passion makes you seem boring; pursuing genuine interests lets that passion shine through.
4 people, independently
14 more on this
Aim to talk one-third of the time and listen two-thirds of the time.
3 people, independently
Make your favor request immediately, then follow up with casual conversation.
Ending with chit-chat signals genuine interest in the person, making the ask feel more authentic.
11 people, independently
- Take up small talk after requesting or receiving a favor.3
Cultivate varied interests and pastimes beyond your professional or academic life to broaden your conversational topics.
Focusing solely on one subject can feel monotonous; diverse interests offer different angles for various listeners.
7 people, independently
- Diversify your activities, reading, and media consumption to have a wider range of topics to discuss.8
Ask specific questions about a shy person's known interests (such as hobbies or tech) instead of generic greetings to provide conversation prompts.
Specific interests give prompts and help shy people open up, whereas generic questions may not.
6 people, independently
Work out the audience and context before attempting humor.
Facial expressions, vocal tone, and the topic at hand usually signal whether the moment is serious.
3 people, independently
Place yourself in situations that require talking to people to gain practice.
11 people, independently
- Take up short conversations with semi-strangers like taxi drivers or shopkeepers to build confidence, as they will not judge you.8
- Build social confidence by practicing low-pressure interactions, such as making small talk with cashiers or people in line.9
Discuss your hobbies with assurance and enthusiasm, regardless of whether they are niche or uncommon.
Your personality and passion tend to keep people engaged more than the subject's popularity does.
3 people, independently
Ask questions about the other person's interests, hobbies, and family to make them feel heard.
3 people, independently
- Show curiosity about what others enjoy by asking how they got started and what it means to them.3
- Listen attentively, ask deep questions, and bond emotionally by focusing on their feelings instead of your own.3
Use small talk to find similarities, which allows for deeper talk later.
4 people, independently
When you feel the urge to share personal details, ask questions about the other person instead to steer the conversation away from yourself.
6 people, independently
- If you notice yourself talking too much, pause and shift the conversation by asking questions about the other person with sincere interest.3
- If you catch yourself oversharing, say 'enough about me' and immediately ask the other person about their work, hobbies, or family.4
Reduce your speaking volume; ensure every word you use is valuable. Value substance over frequency.
5 people, independently
Focus on speaking to one individual in a group at a time, treating each as an individual rather than a mindless mass.
13 people, independently
- Initiate private chats with quieter people aside from the main crowd instead of seeking the whole group's focus.3
Cultivate a steady sense of humor and weave it into everyday dialogue.
3 people, independently
Demonstrate curiosity in what others share and remain open to learning, rather than presuming you already understand their message.
3 people, independently
More on communication13
Hold a pen horizontally between your teeth and speak while biting down to slow your pace and sharpen your articulation.
Making the tongue work against resistance can help with clear speech once the object is taken out, much like adding weight to a bat.
- One person reported it caused a slight lisp, sluggish tongue, and jaw pain over the long run.
- This is not a permanent solution.
6 people, independently
Practice speaking by reading text out loud in brief, regular daily sessions to strengthen oral muscles and refine pronunciation.
The mouth and tongue contain complex muscles that require exercise. Anxiety can lead to reduced talking, causing these muscles to weaken. Reading aloud helps condition and train the speech organs.
6 people, independently
- Read aloud to yourself regularly, such as in front of a mirror or while verbalizing thoughts alone, to practice speaking.4
- Drill your diction by reading aloud and clearly articulating every syllable.7
Read out loud on a daily basis to practice clear speech and organize your thinking.
It may assist with clearer speaking and could serve as a simpler method for structuring thoughts.
4 people, independently
Project your voice from your diaphragm or belly rather than your throat to increase volume without straining.
You're likely straining now because you rely on your throat. Using only that area leads to hoarseness quickly. Diaphragmic breathing is essential for a loud, resonant sound.
9 people, independently
7 more on this
Speak louder and with more self-assurance to assert your presence and reduce the chance of being talked over.
Asserting your presence improves your chances of not being interrupted; sometimes you just need to talk louder for people to listen.
3 people, independently
Slow down and articulate deliberately to prevent stumbling over words.
Speaking too fast causes you to trip over words; slowing down improves enunciation and makes sentences sound cleaner and more thoughtful.
7 people, independently
Open your mouth wider when speaking to improve sound wave efficacy and reduce muffling.
Keeping the mouth closed reduces the efficacy of produced sound waves.
5 people, independently
Exaggerate your speech sounds while practicing to train muscle memory for clarity.
It may feel awkward initially, but persist until it feels natural.
3 people, independently
Speak slightly more slowly and make an effort to fully pronounce every word.
3 people, independently
Perform the announcer's test or recite tongue twisters to improve diction.
4 people, independently
Monitor the volume of those around you and deliberately adjust your own speech level to align with theirs.
3 people, independently
More on communication22
Be direct and simple about your feelings and stance on things so there is no guessing.
6 people, independently
- Be upfront to avoid misunderstandings, rather than assuming people know what you mean.3
Repeat the last three words the other person said with slight emphasis to prompt them to clarify.
3 people, independently
- Repeat or interpret what the speaker said once they finish to verify you understood everything.15
- Repeat back what you think the person is communicating to ensure alignment.6
React warmly to a repeated story by mentioning a detail from the previous telling to prove you were paying attention.
Indicates you are engaged with their narrative and interested in the topic.
5 people, independently
- Use your knowledge of a repeated story to ask targeted follow-up questions about additional details to appear interested.3
Ask close friends or colleagues honestly what they think is wrong with your communication style.
4 people, independently
11 more on this
Prompt the other party to engage early by posing questions that demand responses beyond simple yes or no.
3 people, independently
Wait for the other person to share personal information first, then match their level of depth, intensity, and detail without exceeding it.
11 people, independently
Simplify explanations by digesting questions into their simplest form rather than trying to sound complex.
5 people, independently
Send a link, reel, meme, or GIF that relates to a previous conversation or shared interest to start a chat.
4 people, independently
- Post casual updates, memes, or fleeting ideas without feeling obligated to be deep.5
Start a conversation with a simple compliment about what the other person is wearing or doing.
7 people, independently
Be direct and specific about the task and time when asking for a favor, rather than hinting or beating around the bush.
4 people, independently
Ask questions to shift focus away from yourself and onto the other person.
3 people, independently
- Spark conversation by asking about the other person and adding your own commentary.3
Add substance to your thanks by pointing out a specific feature of the complimented item, such as its pockets or comfort.
3 people, independently
- Add a specific detail about the complimented item, such as where you bought it or how long you've had it, to extend the interaction.3
Use the FORD technique to guide conversation topics: Family, Occupation, Relationships, Dreams.
5 people, independently
Follow current news events to acquire vague knowledge on everyday topics like weather or politics for easy conversation starters.
4 people, independently
Initiate dialogue organically by referencing what you are both seeing or experiencing right now.
3 people, independently