Communication

Limit contact with people who frequently interrupt or only speak about themselves.

Attempting to alter other people’s behavior is futile.

3 people, independently

Be patient and allow time for the person to warm up before expecting them to open up.

They need to feel they can trust you before sharing cool stuff; patience creates a comfortable environment.

4 people, independently

Recognize when you are assuming you need to help and consciously choose to stay quiet and just listen.

You may be making an assumption that wasn't asked for.

one person who lived it

Focus on and talk about your genuine interests and hobbies.

Lack of real passion makes you seem boring; pursuing genuine interests lets that passion shine through.

4 people, independently

Aim to talk one-third of the time and listen two-thirds of the time.

3 people, independently

• Focus on comprehending the speaker instead of planning your response.69

Interact with people who share some of the same interests as you.

14 people, independently

• Observe colleagues to identify shared hobbies, then ask them about those interests to build connections.1
• Find people who share your interests since topics interesting to you may not interest everyone.1

Let people finish significant life stories even if they ramble; however, cut them off if they do this constantly and lack self-awareness.

They are reliving a meaningful moment.

• One person noted that letting someone go on for too long can ruin the experience.

one person who lived it

Before sharing your opinion, determine if the asker values it or simply wants an opening to share their own view.

People often ask for opinions just to get a chance to give theirs.

• Some believe one should always give their honest opinion when asked, regardless of the asker's intent.

one person who lived it

Let quiet people be without forcing them to participate, but acknowledge their presence to make them feel included.

Some people prefer to listen and watch rather than be in the limelight. Acknowledging them helps them feel included.

• Being a quiet person may negatively impact career progression.

2 people, independently

Apologize immediately and invite the person to continue if you interrupt them.

It helps build self-control and earns more respect than never interrupting at all.

10 people, independently

Listen actively to the content rather than planning your response; wait until silence happens before speaking.

Formulating a response before all facts are laid out denies you potentially relevant information.

5 people, independently

• Recognize that if you are thinking about your response, you are not actually listening.1

In public debates, aim to persuade the audience rather than the person you are debating.

You likely will not change your opponent's mind, but onlookers might.

3 people, independently

If someone repeats an exciting story, let them finish without interrupting to say you have heard it.

They are too excited to stop, and stopping them causes embarrassment or makes them feel worse; letting them finish makes them like you more and view you as a better listener.

5 people, independently

• Do not interrupt someone's story with your own similar experience; let them finish first to create a conversation.2

If you are in high school, start a conversation by asking if there is anything to do in town because you are bored.

This approach tends to get a good response in high school settings.

• This is less useful in college, where people typically just go drinking.

one person who lived it

Highlight your strength by stating you prefer listening or are a laid-back observer.

It highlights a strength.

2 people, independently

Reframe the question 'why are you so quiet?' as a check-in to see if you are safe or comfortable.

For some talkative people, quietness signals that someone does not feel safe.

one person who lived it

Keep quiet and let others speak first to filter out obvious points.

The first things that come to mind are often fairly obvious.

one person who lived it

Do not respond with 'we have time' if someone says 'it's a long story'.

They likely do not want to tell you or do not want to bore you.

one person who lived it

Accept that you do not need to do all the talking to have an impact; listen and react (e.g., chuckle).

You can still have an impact by listening; in group conversations, by the time you are ready to speak, the topic may have moved on.

one person who lived it

Provide obvious listening cues like head nods or 'mmhmms' so speakers do not stop talking.

Some people need these cues or they will think you are not listening and stop speaking.

one person who lived it

• Show enthusiasm, smile, and raise your intonation when finding common ground.1

Do not make jokes like 'you have a voice?' when a shy person finally speaks.

Such comments can put them off and shut them down for a long time.

one person who lived it

• Do not answer questions directed at a shy person for them.1
• If a shy or socially awkward person says something unexpected, do not show confusion or point it out.1

Stay calm and give the other person space early on.

They likely talk to many people, and pushing too hard may cause them to run away.

one person who lived it

Employ active listening by posing open-ended questions for clarity and mirroring the speaker's statements back to them.

People often resolve their own issues once they hear their words reflected back to them.

5 people, independently

If someone talks over you, raise your voice slightly and keep talking until you finish your sentence.

This approach helped one person stop getting talked over and gain attention.

• One person reported this required practice and more courage to start.

one person who lived it

• If someone repeatedly interrupts you, keep talking until you have finished your point.2

When unsure how to respond, ask what options the person is considering or what they think they should do.

People often have ideas before asking for help.

2 people, independently

Make your favor request immediately, then follow up with casual conversation.

Ending with chit-chat signals genuine interest in the person, making the ask feel more authentic.

11 people, independently

Speak softly and slowly, as if sharing a secret, to make people feel they are missing out if they do not listen.

People pay more attention when they feel they might miss out on information.

one person who lived it

Repeat back what the person said using their own words to demonstrate active listening.

This makes them feel heard.

2 people, independently

• Repeat what the other person said back to them before asking follow-up questions.1

Stay busy creating things and pursuing goals to build an endless list of topics for conversation.

Having hobbies and goals ensures you have much going on to talk about after an initial period.

• You may still be boring at the beginning.

one person who lived it

If a shy person says they are fine, do not badger them about it.

Drawing unwanted attention to them is likely the last thing they want.

one person who lived it

Avoid turning the conversation toward yourself or sharing similar experiences while someone is venting.

It can appear egocentric, make the interaction a contest, or interrupt their need to be heard.

• Sharing a similar experience may be helpful only after they have finished sharing and a meaningful discussion has begun.

5 people, independently

Ask for a short specific break (e.g., 5 minutes) before engaging fully, rather than giving half attention.

Giving half attention feels more rude.

one person who lived it

Focus entirely on absorbing what the other person is saying rather than planning your next response.

Trying to think of what to say next prevents genuine listening and causes trouble in conversations.

3 people, independently

• Stop planning your next sentence while someone is talking and focus entirely on their actual words.6

Give quiet people the choice to open up rather than forcing them.

You cannot make them open up; pushing causes avoidance.

one person who lived it

When asked why you are quiet, answer with 'I'm just vibing' or 'yeah I'm chill.'

It seems to work.

3 people, independently

• Respond to 'why are you so quiet?' by asking 'why are you so talkative?' while maintaining eye contact.1
• Consistently repeat variations of 'I'm just vibing,' 'I'm an introvert,' or 'I don't have anything to say' to set boundaries.1

Listen to your partner's frustrations without offering advice or solutions.

She may just need an outlet; offering advice can be viewed as saying you know better or that she didn't deal with it correctly.

• Some people view spurning practical solutions as dumb compared to solving problems.

one person who lived it

Avoid talking fast or cutting people off, as doing so takes away their choice to decide if they find you worthy.

Talking fast or cutting them off decides for them that you're not worthy.

one person who lived it

If you struggle with non-verbal communication, state this early in interactions and ask others to be direct.

People often respond with relief when they know how to communicate with you.

one person who lived it

On a first date, be more liberal with sharing personal information to help get to know the other person.

The goal of a first date is to share and connect, so the answer to 'does this need to be said' is often yes.

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Tell an embarrassing or funny story about yourself to break the ice.

It shows you are not a robot and works well in interviews.

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Avoid grilling people you don't know with personal questions.

It can make them feel suspicious and annoyed.

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Forgo small talk and bring an interesting take or view on a common topic.

This gives an appetizer, a sample taste of you.

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Identify the people who care about what you are saying and view them as your audience, rather than worrying about those who do not listen.

Recognize that people who don't listen aren't doing it out of spite.

one person who lived it

Refuse to repeat yourself to people who ignore you by walking away or stopping mid-sentence to signal that their lack of attention is unacceptable.

If they cannot respect you in person, it raises concerns about what they say behind your back.

• One person applies this even to clients.

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Cultivate varied interests and pastimes beyond your professional or academic life to broaden your conversational topics.

Focusing solely on one subject can feel monotonous; diverse interests offer different angles for various listeners.

• Some people do not have time for hobbies due to financial constraints or multiple jobs.

7 people, independently

Confide in one friend in a relaxed, one-on-one setting rather than a group; gauge their response to deeper conversation to see if it feels safe to proceed.

One-on-one settings are better than speaking out loud to a whole group.

one person who lived it

Ask specific questions about a shy person's known interests (such as hobbies or tech) instead of generic greetings to provide conversation prompts.

Specific interests give prompts and help shy people open up, whereas generic questions may not.

6 people, independently

• If interacting with a shy person who may not show obvious interest cues, ask questions and look for common ground to help them open up.1
• Ask simple, basic questions to start conversations instead of overthinking complex openers.1
• Ask specific questions about a person's life and interests rather than generic ones.1

Ask an over-apologetic friend 'what for?' to engage them in the process and reduce passivity.

Engaging them helps them become more confident.

• If they are apologizing for something legitimate, it is not overly apologetic.
• Sometimes explicitly asking them to stop is necessary if they get stuck in a loop.

one person who lived it

React warmly to a repeated story by mentioning a detail from the previous telling to prove you were paying attention.

Indicates you are engaged with their narrative and interested in the topic.

5 people, independently

• Listen and engage with stories from close ones even if you know they have told the story before.1
• To avoid hearing a repeated story again, politely interrupt with a specific detail from the previous telling to shortcut to the end.1

Work out the audience and context before attempting humor.

Facial expressions, vocal tone, and the topic at hand usually signal whether the moment is serious.

3 people, independently

Ask specific questions like 'who is your favorite pop idol and why?' using an engaging tone to demonstrate you are a good listener.

It shows you're a good listener.

• It might sound lame sometimes.

one person who lived it

Use casual details the other person mentions as follow-up questions to find common ground when you have nothing to contribute yourself.

It helps find common ground from little things they throw in.

one person who lived it

• Use small talk to find similarities, which allows for deeper talk later.4

Do not stop working even if the person approaches you; nod amiably if they wave but continue your task to avoid being dragged into a conversation.

It is the only way to avoid getting dragged into a conversation, though it may seem rude.

• May seem like a 'dick move'

one person who lived it

Talk about what interests the other person rather than trying to impress them with cool facts.

People love to talk about themselves and appreciate those who let them.

one person who lived it

• Talk about what you know and are passionate about, as people will listen if you are clearly engaged.1
• Shift focus away from yourself by asking about the other person's interests and what makes them tick.1
• Ask people about their lives and interests to gain their admiration and liking.1
• Focus on letting others talk about themselves rather than trying to impress them with your own life achievements.1
• Focus on discovering what interests the other person rather than seeking common ground.1
• Identify one thing the woman is interested in and ask her about it to move past small talk.1
• When you feel the urge to share personal details, ask questions about the other person instead to steer the conversation away from yourself.6
• Talk about your interests with passion rather than modesty or the assumption that others will find them boring.3
• Retain intense discussion of niche passions until you know the other person better.1

Ask exactly one follow-up question that shows you caught what the speaker said before sharing your own opinion or experience, ensuring they feel heard rather than just tolerated.

It demonstrates their words landed somewhere and distinguishes feeling heard from being tolerated.

• Be careful about never adding your own opinions/interests, as people won't like you if they don't have a sense of who you are.

one person who lived it

Directly tell a friend they are ranting or going off-topic, using humor or light phrasing to soften the blow.

Having someone clearly point out the behavior can shock you out of being annoying.

one person who lived it

Focus intensely on what the other person is saying and consciously let go of your own thoughts.

Interruption starts when your mind turns inwards rather than staying with your talking partner.

2 people, independently

Acknowledge what your partner introduces and build on it rather than trying to be funny.

Trying to drop jokes often cheapens the mood.

one person who lived it

Do not point out to someone that they are quiet.

Pointing out natural tendencies can come across as concern-trolling rather than caring.

one person who lived it

Interpret 'what about you?' as an attempt to keep the conversation going, not a dismissal.

It is actually a good sign that they are trying to maintain the interaction.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself to ask one follow-up question before talking about your own experience.

It trains you to slow down and process what someone else is saying before reacting.

one person who lived it

Write down a few questions or topics in advance to ask when you feel stuck in conversation.

Having prepared topics can make you feel confident.

one person who lived it

• Jot down specific subjects you connected over after an encounter to use as conversation starters when nervous.1

Project confidence and a happy mood or vibe.

This is a major factor in why someone chooses to talk to another person.

one person who lived it

Stop caring about how awkward the interaction is or what the other person thinks of you.

Most people don't care, and not responding can appear weirder or ruder.

one person who lived it

Keep answers short, lasting 1-2 minutes, then ask the other person a question to keep the conversation moving back and forth like tennis.

Conversation is like tennis, requiring a back-and-forth dynamic.

one person who lived it

Talk to people about the conversation dynamics you have experienced and your wishes for change.

It might change something, and at least you spoke up for yourself.

one person who lived it

Reach out to people first and express care, rather than assuming silence means they are not bothered by you.

Silence can be interpreted as a lack of interest or caring.

one person who lived it

• Use silence in conversation to observe whether the other person is receptive or disinterested.1

Ask what the person is working on, then reply with what you are doing and state that you must get started now.

It gives you the space to pivot to your own task.

one person who lived it

Do not force conversations on people who do not make an effort to continue them.

They may not feel like talking or may have been caught by surprise.

one person who lived it

• Avoid rambling about random facts or forcing conversation, as this can make people uncomfortable and cause them to avoid you.1
• Match the other person's level of engagement in conversation instead of forcing questions if they are not giving much back.1
• Keep conversations with strangers short and sweet unless they continue talking.1

Do not tease or mock someone for being quiet.

Teasing won't make them talk to you and is considered a rude move since they may not control or understand their quietness.

one person who lived it

Say something other than 'How are you?' when seeing someone.

Most people don't want idle chit-chat, and varied questions feel more like you actually care about what you're saying.

one person who lived it

Identify trending topics among people around you, such as TV shows or sports, to find common ground.

Finding common ground is a great way to bond with people over a topic or experience you both find interesting.

• Avoid work politics unless you are similarly politically aligned, or it may end badly.

one person who lived it

• Find out someone's favorite things to discover common ground.1

Tell new acquaintances upfront that you tend to talk about things, as this helps them understand your behavior.

It helps the speaker and helps others understand.

one person who lived it

Start conversations by simply turning to someone, saying hi, and introducing yourself.

One person reported that this approach led to mutual introductions and small talk in 10 out of 10 instances over a few months.

one person who lived it

• Learn to engage in small talk and polite conversation to start interactions.10

Focus on listening and let the other person's words guide your reply instead of trying to be clever.

People appreciate a good listener.

one person who lived it

• Listen truly instead of thinking about what to say next.1
• Cultivate listening skills by being attentively quiet at first.1
• Listen attentively, ask deep questions, and bond emotionally by focusing on their feelings instead of your own.3

Hear what the speaker is saying and ask questions to demonstrate engagement.

You cannot just 'be there'; you have to actively be there.

one person who lived it

Drop little breadcrumbs of deeper topics into conversation to see if anyone catches your attention, rather than forcing deep talks immediately.

This helps you feel people out to find those who genuinely like deeper topics.

• Avoid trying to have these conversations at work.

one person who lived it

To join a group, read the room by listening to their current topic and asking questions to understand or get involved, rather than forcing a subject change.

Changing the subject abruptly (e.g., from football to psychology) causes people to walk away.

one person who lived it

Be wary of people who talk *at* you rather than *to* you.

Their conversations often lack sequence and feel like a runaway train.

one person who lived it

• Ensure conversations are two-way interactions with input from both sides, rather than monologues directed at the listener.1
• Disengage from people who treat conversations as monologues by turning away or speaking to someone else.1

Break the ice in awkward in-person meetings by referencing a previous online conversation topic or sharing a personal update related to it.

This provides something to talk about and can break the tension.

• The other person may be shy; do not take silence personally

2 people, independently

Use specific phrases like 'Are we venting or fixing?' or 'Do you want to be heard, helped, or hugged?' to determine the desired response.

3 people, independently

Respond to comments about being too quiet with a blank stare or a nod.

It conveys the point bluntly without rudeness and often stops the topic immediately.

one person who lived it

• Ignore comments about being quiet or respond with indifference, such as smiling, nodding, or saying 'Mmhh' or 'yup'.3

Ask open questions instead of sharing overly personal stories when you run out of things to say.

People would rather be asked simple questions than hear way too personal stories in a moment.

one person who lived it

Be open to talking and sharing your thoughts while letting others express themselves.

It avoids awkward situations and helps you get closer to people.

one person who lived it

Pay attention to topics a speaker mentions more than once, as they are likely focused on them.

One person found this approach helped them get a raise by listening to what their boss noticed needed done.

one person who lived it

If you zone out, admit it and ask for a repeat rather than faking attention.

Zoning out is often due to a busy mind rather than the conversation's importance.

one person who lived it

• If you zone out during a conversation, admit it, apologize, and ask them to repeat themselves, then correlate their response to earlier parts of the chat to prove you were listening.1

Develop your own interests deeply so you can share why you like them, rather than just stating you like them.

Sharing the origin and nuances of an interest is more engaging than simply stating it.

one person who lived it

• Discuss your hobbies with assurance and enthusiasm, regardless of whether they are niche or uncommon.3

Use the 'threading' method: reply to any part of the other person's statement and own it, no matter how it sounds.

The other person enjoys talking because it is about stuff they are talking about.

one person who lived it

Directly ask a clingy person why they follow you around, doing so in a friendly manner.

Some people deliberately don't pick up hints.

one person who lived it

Seek out other quiet people in social settings if they are present.

One approach that helped: connecting with others who share similar traits creates a sense of understanding.

one person who lived it

Match the depth of what you share to the depth of what the other person shares.

Sharing too much risks revealing information reserved for close relations; sharing too little risks boring them with details they aren't close enough to care about.

one person who lived it

Place emphasis on how important an issue is to the other person to avoid hearing it and then dismissing it.

Lack of emphasis on their importance may lead to dismissal.

one person who lived it

Listen neutrally to ranting about others, respond with something like 'Wow, if that's all true that's pretty crazy,' and then change the subject.

This provides a nice neutral response.

one person who lived it

When meeting someone for the first time, identify the question they likely hear repeatedly due to a distinctive trait and do not ask it.

Some people are sick of answering the same question over and over.

one person who lived it

Avoid approaching women at fraternities; instead, talk to women in class, form study groups, join clubs, or sit with them in the cafeteria.

Women are easier to talk to when it is obvious you view them as a person rather than a dating target.

one person who lived it

Avoid making loud comments about every single thing said in a group conversation.

It is annoying to others.

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Reflect on whether you have interrupted or talked over a quiet person.

This behavior shuts them down quickly.

one person who lived it

If someone dominates the conversation, jokingly or bluntly ask if you can speak now to remind them that a conversation involves two people.

It serves as a kind reminder that a conversation is dialogue, not a monologue.

• If the person cannot respect your need to engage, do not engage with them at all.

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Admit you don't know a topic, pivot by listing what you do know about another subject, and ask the other person to stop saying 'everyone knows this'.

To show that you have different centers of interest, which is acceptable.

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Reflect on whether you are rambling, being boring, or irrelevant, as this may cause others to cut you off.

People sometimes interrupt because it seems like the speaker will not stop otherwise.

one person who lived it

Listen actively, smile, and ask people about their hobbies, family, or work so they remember you as a good listener.

Focusing on what they say helps them remember you.

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Let minor factual errors slide and enjoy the flow of conversation.

Getting caught up in minutiae disrupts the ebb and flow of social interaction.

one person who lived it

Acknowledge what a nervous person says and bring the topic into relevancy, even if they do not continue the conversation.

Giving life to their comment helps prevent them from feeling like they shouldn't have spoken at all.

one person who lived it

Pretend you have not seen something even if you have, to allow the other person to share their excitement.

It makes the other person happy and allows you to see them excited

• One person's experience

one person who lived it

Purposely watch friends converse without adding in, allowing staying quiet to feel more natural over time.

It led to whatever was chosen to be said being more meaningful.

one person who lived it

Ask questions to allow people to open up, which shifts attention away from you and increases your comfort level.

It takes attention off you, making you more comfortable.

one person who lived it

Rant about random things you are interested in to get people listening; eventually say something they can add on to.

It gets people listening and keeps the conversation flowing once they chime in.

one person who lived it

Take up activity-based bonding instead of talk-based interactions with very quiet people to help them feel safe and coax out communication.

With time, they might feel safe in your presence and communication will improve.

2 people, independently

Wait for quiet people to chime in naturally when the topic interests them.

Quiet people will speak up when remotely interested; singling them out does not make them wish to talk more.

one person who lived it

If you ask coworkers about children and they say no, laugh it off and change the subject to ease their awkwardness.

Coworkers may feel awkward if they expected you to have children.

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Ask open-ended questions that force creativity and reflection rather than yes/no answers.

It fosters ideas and reveals what the person wants.

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Turn your talking into questions, especially follow-up questions.

One person found this approach worked for them.

one person who lived it

Ask directly if the other person can just listen to help you communicate.

It helps you communicate.

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Introduce yourself clearly with your name and context in large group settings to help with mingling.

It gives people someone specific to talk to.

one person who lived it

When someone mentions a topic like a movie, ask 'so what did you think?' instead of blurting out random trivia.

It allows the person to talk rather than dominating the conversation with facts.

one person who lived it

Reframe silence as a valid state by asking if the other person felt the silences were awkward or worried you weren't listening.

It reassures them that your reality isn't what they assume.

one person who lived it

• Accept that silence during commutes is normal and use the time for personal activities like reading or listening to music.1

Read 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie.

It contains principles about encouraging others to talk about themselves and their interests.

2 people, independently

Find comfort in silent moments and value each other's presence without needing constant dialogue.

13 people, independently

• Be comfortable with silence and allow quiet moments without forcing social interaction.1

Avoid steamrolling conversations.

People do not like those who do it.

one person who lived it

Stay engaged in conversations to avoid spacing out, which is rude and signals you are not listening.

Spacing out is rude and indicates a lack of listening or thinking.

one person who lived it

When an older relative starts a familiar story, wait for a pause after a few sentences and say you remember it and love hearing it to encourage them to add new details.

It makes them feel better and encourages them to share details not mentioned in the past.

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Directly tell the person they do not need to narrate every little thing they are doing.

One person reported this definitely worked.

one person who lived it

Check if the other person reciprocates your interest; if she does not, stop pursuing the connection.

Interest goes both ways.

one person who lived it

Use statements instead of questions to show interest and give the other person more ways to relate and respond.

Statements show you are interested and provide more room for the other person to relate and respond.

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Show genuine interest in the person speaking, even if you do not care much about the specific topic.

Your interest in them will come through authentically.

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Show curiosity about what others enjoy by asking how they got started and what it means to them.

3 people, independently

Ask follow-up questions during a story to demonstrate active listening and value for the speaker's words.

It lets them know they are being listened to and valued.

one person who lived it

Wait until both parties have equally shared on one level before moving to a deeper layer of conversation.

Making one-sided deep confessions too quickly may leave nothing more for others to know about you.

one person who lived it

• Wait for the other person to share personal information first, then match their level of depth, intensity, and detail without exceeding it.11

Walk away from social interactions where you are consistently talked over.

They aren't worth your time.

one person who lived it

If you are not talking over others, interrupting, or being disruptive, do not worry about being talkative; just be yourself.

Talkative people take the pressure off quiet people to maintain conversation flow.

• Do not talk over someone else, interrupt, or be disruptive.

one person who lived it

Start sharing personal stories with the main ideas or feelings, then pause to see if the listener wants more details.

Heavy detail that the listener cannot relate to or pay attention to can kill the conversation quickly.

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Reframe your silence as active listening by stating you are enjoying everyone's stories, then ask for their story.

It is satisfying and enjoyable.

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If talking to someone who seems insecure about making mistakes, remain quiet and interested; this may help them feel at ease and reduce over-explaining over time.

It helps the person feel less afraid of making a bad impression.

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Save relevant or funny content related to the other person's interests to send later when you feel insecure about talking too much about yourself.

It shows you are interested in what they tell you and that you remember it.

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Listen more after hearing to practice humility.

It goes a long way in interactions.

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Take small conversational risks to step out of your comfort zone and avoid getting stuck in only deep topics.

Humans often need a little tension or benign controversy to stay interested.

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Validate the speaker's feelings by echoing their statements, mirroring their emotions, or saying 'that sounds difficult' instead of offering solutions.

Validation provides relief and helps them feel they are not alone; some people need validation before they can think rationally.

3 people, independently

Tell talkative colleagues directly that you are too busy to talk right now; if you like them, offer to continue the conversation later.

they can't read signs

one person who lived it

• If a colleague talks excessively, turn your body back to your work after a few minutes of conversation.1

Pretend the person is already your friend and ask them questions.

People love talking about themselves.

one person who lived it

Listen more than you talk to show interest rather than trying to be interesting.

People love talking about themselves

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• Follow your curiosities and do things that genuinely interest you to become inherently interesting.1

Ask open-ended follow-up questions to keep the focus on the other person's experience rather than shifting it to your own.

Shifting the conversation to yourself can make others perceive you as bragging, self-centered, or arrogant, causing them to write you off.

one person who lived it

Focus on how you integrate yourself into the group dynamic rather than trying to dominate the conversation.

Group conversations are about the group, not just you.

one person who lived it

If asked to choose a favorite photo, point to one where the subject is distant or less detailed to discourage further sharing.

This approach stopped the person from showing more pictures in one reported instance.

one person who lived it

Avoid giving closed-ended replies about your own connections or prior knowledge, as they do not open up further discussion.

Such replies are boring and do not invite possible responses.

one person who lived it

Ask the person how you can participate without being rude, then use their suggested method to interrupt.

You gain permission to interact in a way that respects their communication style.

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Respond with a specific, in-depth question about the topic to demonstrate your existing knowledge and skip the lecture.

This allows you to bypass the lecture and potentially change subjects.

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Consciously notice when others lose interest in your topic and change the subject to ask about their interests.

To avoid awkward situations.

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Break the silence by sharing humor, such as funny memes, to reduce pressure.

Constantly laughing takes the heat off talking and conversations.

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Follow the natural flow of conversation instead of performing a prepared 'A game' routine.

Some people do not want a big production.

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If your current social circle expects you to be a listener, seek out new friends who engage in two-way conversations.

Your current circle may be used to you fulfilling their social needs by listening.

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Ask poignant questions about an achievement, such as 'what was the hardest part?' or ask for explanations of specific portions.

Pointing out good qualities or asking questions makes people feel validated.

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Find friends who appreciate your presence, do not make you feel obligated to talk a certain amount, and are fine with you being silent.

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If you ask someone where they are from during a casual conversation, elaborate on the question or share your own experiences to avoid seeming rude.

Asking without follow-up can feel rude; sharing experiences makes it feel less rude.

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Show engagement by asking follow-up questions like 'then what happened?' rather than just saying 'that's cool'.

It shows the storyteller you're engaged.

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Comment on food or drink at social mixers by asking what someone is consuming and if they have tried specific items.

Food and drink are universal topics.

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Be sincere in your reactions and techniques to connect with the speaker rather than just performing them.

Authenticity is appreciated when it comes from a genuine place.

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Begin sentences with generic phrases like 'do you', 'is it that', or 'how come' to catch the attention of someone with hearing difficulties.

These generic starters help catch attention.

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If you are new or least experienced in a group, listen first before speaking.

Listening allows you to become educated on the topic and comfortable enough to begin talking.

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Match the other person's energy level and speak quietly rather than being overly loud or enthusiastic.

Overly loud or fake friendliness can make people feel quieter and more reserved.

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• Match the other person's energy and tone in conversation to avoid seeming off-putting.1

Use small talk to establish interaction rules and create trust.

It provides a 'handshake' that establishes the rules of the interaction and helps create trust.

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Politely communicate what is bothering you, such as a need for peace and quiet, rather than assuming others know.

Everyone can benefit from this lesson.

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Say the listener's name before starting your sentence.

It captures their attention and allows them to fully engage.

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Prompt the other party to engage early by posing questions that demand responses beyond simple yes or no.

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Embrace your role as the engaging initiator and branch out, recognizing that many non-initiators are simply shy rather than uninterested.

Being the friendly one is a strength, not a flaw.

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Ask for her number directly before parting ways if the conversation has gone well.

People like directness.

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Show pictures of your own pets or possessions in return to make the interaction boring for the other person.

The other person may realize it is boring when it is not their pictures and stop.

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If you struggle with oversharing, try speaking less, but be aware this may lead to becoming too quiet and unable to open up.

• This approach can result in being too quiet and feeling like you are still oversharing even when holding a conversation.

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Treat shy or anxious people normally without pointing out their shyness or asking why they are quiet.

Pointing out shyness makes it worse and increases self-awareness negatively.

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Use simple empathetic statements like 'I know how you feel' instead of immediately launching into your own story.

This prevents coming across as one-upping the other person.

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Avoid sharing your own similar stories immediately, as this shifts attention away from the person who needs it.

Sharing your story changes the dynamic so the attention moves from them to you.

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At work, limit your conversation topics strictly to job-related matters.

It is the easiest way to avoid oversharing.

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Prepare a list of topics to help you start chats when you struggle to find interesting things to say.

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• Send a funny meme related to the other person's experience or interests to restart a conversation.2
• Create a grid mapping specific people and places to safe conversation topics you can use in each context.1

If you want to generate discussion or check if people are listening, deliberately leave out information so they ask questions.

This often leads to additional ideas and validates attention.

• Some consider this a bad idea because asking questions is the most important way to develop understanding.

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One approach that helped: switch from wearing all black to wearing colorful clothing with patterns.

This change led to receiving compliments and initiating conversations where previously no one talked to me.

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Initiate casual conversation with strangers in public settings.

Most people enjoy being spoken to by kind others, and it is not inherently inappropriate despite initial awkwardness.

• Do not make sexual comments or hit on women without a clear invitation.

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Give the person your full, undivided attention by putting away all gadgets and listening without interruption.

Being there requires your full attention rather than just acting as though you are there.

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Seek out social outlets related to your interests where people will genuinely want to hear what you share.

Finding an audience interested in your specific topics avoids the need to change your personality.

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Ask someone what they are eating via text as a normal conversation starter.

It is not considered weird or too personal and can lead to more conversation.

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• If unsure about asking a direct question, use an indirect approach such as asking about interesting items on a restaurant menu.1

Avoid saying 'too much information'.

It cuts off conversation immediately and may loosen or cut friendship bonds.

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Respond to 'am I in your way?' with 'yes' to answer the question directly and avoid unnecessary engagement.

They are asking a question.

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Talk to all women, including those you are not attracted to, rather than just attractive ones.

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Before giving a long explanation, ask if the person has prior knowledge of the subject to ensure relevance.

This helps determine what parts to cover and acknowledges that some people may be insecure about their lack of knowledge but eager to learn.

2 people, independently

Ensure there is a glimmer of interest from the other person before investing effort in conversation.

Being the only one making an effort is exhausting.

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Fake a migraine to excuse yourself from the conversation, claiming you need quiet time with the patient.

Incessant talking can cause suffering.

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Say 'Right, of course' and add a related detail or question to demonstrate competence while keeping the conversation going.

It signals you are not as unintelligent as the other person assumes and maintains the flow of dialogue.

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Before joining a conversation, ask directly if it is private; leave if they say yes.

People appreciate the respect for their privacy.

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Give small listening responses like 'mhmm' or 'no way' to indicate attention, then interject with a comment about how interesting it sounds and suggest discussing it later to make your exit less obvious.

It makes the transition back to work less obvious and offensive.

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Allow people to keep talking rather than interrupting with questions to encourage them to reveal more information.

This technique is used by police, journalists, and sales professionals to get people to talk.

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To help with open discussions, strive to understand both sides of a debate and attempt to articulate your opponent's argument for them.

Doing so provides you with an advantage in the conversation.

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If you speak far more than others in a class, be aware they may wish you would stop.

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Accept that you do not always need to be active in group situations; it is often fine to simply relax and listen.

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Focus intently on the person you are speaking to and ask follow-up questions instead of talking about yourself.

Focusing less on oneself and more on the listener helped one person improve their conversations.

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Focus on asking questions and adding your perspective only where relevant, rather than worrying about what to say about yourself.

Focusing too much on yourself leads to overthinking.

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Examine whether you are ranting on inconsequential topics, which may cause others to interrupt; if so, let it slide but aim to regain control.

Ranting on inconsequential things can lead to losing control of the conversation.

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Spend the majority of your time engaging in mutually enjoyable activities with people, reserving a smaller portion for talking.

It makes socializing feel natural.

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Bring up past conversations only when they add value to the current discussion, as people generally prefer you focus on their present and future rather than just remembering the past.

People care that you remember, but prefer focus on the present/future; bringing it up otherwise can seem creepy or indicate you think about them too much.

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Avoid starting debates with absolutes or apathetic responses.

It rubs people the wrong way and makes them less likely to listen.

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Avoid workplace gossip by drifting away when conversations turn that way, or by giving non-committal responses like smiling and nodding if cornered.

Staying out of it protects your work reputation and prevents coworkers from twisting your words against you.

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Make the conversation about the other person by asking questions to show engagement.

It is a fast way to learn if you’re being observant and paying attention, and the conversations will flow.

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Understand that silence from a listener may stem from disagreement with your perspective rather than indifference.

They may disagree with why you are upset and feel uncomfortable responding because they don't want to encourage feelings of righteousness but don't know how you would react if they challenged you.

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Interpret non-verbal cues like paying attention or nodding as signs of genuine interest, even if the person remains quiet due to fear of oversharing.

Quietness may stem from a lack of perceived contribution or fear of scaring the other person off, rather than disinterest.

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Take a pause to get a drink or food, then re-initiate the conversation to show extra interest.

Re-initiating shows extra interest.

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If you anticipate social awkwardness, briefly explain it upfront to break the ice.

One person reported that explaining their autism before speaking broke the tension and led to a friendly conversation.

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Listen with interest when someone enthusiastically shares a hobby or obscure topic, even if it is unrelated to your own interests.

It brings you happiness and allows you to learn something new from their joy.

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Ask follow-up questions about the other person's story instead of shifting the focus to yourself.

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• Ask questions to shift focus away from yourself and onto the other person.3

Accept as normal that people typically do not initiate conversations with those they do not usually talk to.

Realizing this provides relief.

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Validate the other person's emotions first before sharing any personal experiences.

It helps make someone feel better by showing you hear them.

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Reflect on what characteristics make YOU want to talk to someone, and then embody those traits.

Pondering this makes you aware of characteristics valued in social settings so you can adjust accordingly.

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Avoid having a single go-to question; instead, talk about something interesting to you or ask about the current situation or location.

Adapting to the individual works better than a fixed script.

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Speak directly to the person needing translation or interpretation, addressing them as the primary participant in the conversation rather than the intermediary.

Addressing the interpreter instead can make the person feel 'less than' human; speaking directly treats them like a real person.

• Some people may address the translator because they believe it is rude not to do so.

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Keep contributions quick and concise in group settings.

Introverts process thoroughly before responding, which does not work well in rapid small talk.

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Approach conversations with curiosity and avoid ruling out topics prematurely to allow the speaker to make their point.

You may learn something new before deciding to tune out.

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Avoid giving only one-word responses like 'yeah' or 'ok'.

This signals disinterest.

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Insert the interrupter's name into your response to clarify who you are addressing.

It lets everyone know it is that specific person you are speaking to.

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Start interjections with a polite phrase like 'If I may interject' to hold the speaker's attention.

It helps hold the speaker's attention better than just interrupting.

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Choose topics that are not boring or negative to improve engagement in conversations.

You will have better luck.

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When someone shares something important, ask if they want advice or just listening and support before responding.

This approach was described as life-changing for relationships.

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Respond only when you have time or something to say, accepting that natural ebb and flow in conversation is normal.

Normal people are not offended by delayed responses, and forcing conversation when there is nothing to say is unnecessary.

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Talk openly about how difficult and awkward social interactions can be to see if the other person relates.

Finding common ground on awkwardness can help you look at the situation differently.

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Practice taking turns by stopping yourself and letting the other person speak when they are about to say something.

my reply was better informed by listening and not trying to drown out the sound of the other person's voice

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• Remind yourself not to interrupt and let others finish speaking to ensure a smoother conversation.1
• Do not answer a question before the person has finished asking it.1
• Give your full attention by putting away distractions like phones and focusing entirely on the speaker.6
• Keep talking if someone talks over you rather than stopping immediately.3

Explicitly state phrases like 'let me finish' or 'I'm speaking' to reclaim the conversation floor.

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Research what your audience cares about beforehand to ensure your conversation is relevant.

Relevance is key; finding out what they care about makes it the focal point of conversation.

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Maintain friendships with little common ground by talking about each other's days rather than shared topics.

Talking about daily events keeps communication and friendship going even without shared topics.

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Seek out designated social settings like group hikes or clubs to meet people who are more open to conversation and less distracted by their phones.

In these settings, people are generally more receptive to talking and less focused on devices compared to general public spaces.

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Avoid asking someone about their ethnicity unless there is clear conversational context.

It can be uncomfortable because the asker's intent may be unclear, and people may be tired of having their foreignness pointed out.

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Talk extensively with someone who shares your interests outside of work to satisfy the urge and reduce excessive talking at work.

It helps remove the itch to talk excessively in inappropriate settings.

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Cultivate empathy to become a good listener.

Empathy is the reason some people are good listeners

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Be fully present in the moment and listen without offering counsel.

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Call the person by their name often during conversation.

They will likely appreciate it.

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Share details in logical conversations but stick to main points in vibing situations to avoid seeming like a buzzkill.

Sharing details in vibing conversations might make you seem like a buzzkill.

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Focus on listening and asking follow-up questions based on the other person's answers.

Rapport comes from developing a connection with someone.

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Recognize that the attention gap may be destroying your relationships invisibly, even if you believe you are a good listener.

Research suggests most people genuinely believe they are good listeners, but the data tells a different story.

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Give a vague answer to acquaintances or relatives, then immediately ask them a nosier question related to their topic.

This diverts their attention without making you appear rude.

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• Divert gossip by asking neutral questions about recent movies, community events, museum displays, or visits from relatives.1

Never try to one-up someone after they have shared an interesting story.

Doing so immediately loses validity and detracts from the conversation.

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Avoid trying too hard or overthinking every possible response during conversations.

Trying too hard would not work.

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Test the intentions of people asking about your background before deciding whether to engage.

Some people are genuinely interested.

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Ask detailed follow-up questions about how people felt regarding mundane experiences to show genuine interest.

One person found this approach helped others open up and become close, making connections easier.

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After receiving a one-word answer, remain silent to allow the other person to expand.

Smaller conversations are about listening rather than talking.

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Talk less, pause appropriately, choose proper words, and remain conscious of the audience's interest level.

These practices make sessions better and more interesting.

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Listen actively to catch small details that allow you to explore deeper tangents in the conversation.

Active listening enables you to tap into nuggets of information to delve deeper.

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Cultivate deep listening to build trust, empathy, and clarity.

It prevents frustration and smooths life interactions.

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Summarize what someone told you, validate their feelings, and then ask a question to demonstrate good listening.

This method helps confirm understanding and validates the speaker's emotions.

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Listen to understand rather than listening to respond.

One person found this advice helpful in reducing interruptions.

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Question the other person's viewpoint to find common ground rather than immediately opposing them.

Immediate opposition makes them defensive and leads to a shouting match.

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Explicitly acknowledge good points made by others to demonstrate active listening and value their contributions.

It helps connect speakers and shows appreciation for their offerings.

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Start conversations by commenting on your immediate surroundings to spark broad tangents.

This approach can lead discussions into diverse topics ranging from astrophysics to knitting.

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• Use universal topics like food (especially fast food) or recent TV shows to open up conversations.1
• Initiate dialogue organically by referencing what you are both seeing or experiencing right now.3

Respond to conversation pressure by saying 'you're that talkative person.'

It serves as an icebreaker.

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When visiting quiet people, choose activities that allow for natural silence rather than awkward pauses.

It makes silences natural rather than awkward.

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Start with a generic observation or story to quickly set a connection point.

Conversations require striking a chord quickly for both parties to engage.

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Ask about new and unusual events in someone's day instead of mundane topics like work or office life.

Asking unexpected questions generates interest.

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Focus on speaking to one individual in a group at a time, treating each as an individual rather than a mindless mass.

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• Initiate private chats with quieter people aside from the main crowd instead of seeking the whole group's focus.3

Show interest in others to capture their attention before telling your own story.

People are primarily interested in themselves.

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Begin conversations by focusing on the subject or introducing less common words upfront when speaking to someone with hearing difficulties.

Knowing the general topic helps reduce trouble for the listener.

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Stop assuming you must talk about different topics because someone is a girl; treat them as just another person.

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Recognize that quiet people are often paying close attention and listening to everything, even if they do not speak.

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If you notice yourself talking too much, pause and shift the conversation by asking questions about the other person with sincere interest.

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• If you catch yourself oversharing, say 'enough about me' and immediately ask the other person about their work, hobbies, or family.4

If you struggle with conversations where the other person is completely inflexible, stop engaging to conserve your energy.

Engaging leaves you angry and sad while the other person remains unchanged, which is unsustainable.

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Reframe talking as an act of sharing and connecting rather than presenting.

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Initiate a genuinely new subject instead of reflexively asking 'and you?' to show interest and take control of the conversation.

It demonstrates that you are an interesting person capable of leading the interaction.

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Let the person finish speaking completely to avoid making them feel invisible.

People who are interrupted feel invisible, unheard, and misunderstood.

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Set a timer at the start of a group conversation to ensure everyone's ideas are heard.

to ensure everyone's ideas can be heard

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Accept that some people prefer shallow conversation and do not need meaningful interaction.

Everyone is different.

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Share new experiences or send articles on topics they enjoy to provide fresh material for future conversations.

This makes future conversations more exciting and allows both parties to contribute.

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Speak into people's listening by grounding yourself in empathy, prioritizing mutual comfort and warmth over information exchange.

It creates a connection based on warmth where both parties feel comfortable.

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Ask a specific, closed-ended question about a past topic instead of an open-ended greeting.

Open questions can feel pressuring and demand entertaining responses rather than authentic ones.

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Focus on understanding the other person's experience through inquisitive questions rather than defending your own intent.

Bad listeners focus on explaining their own experience, whereas good listeners seek to understand the other person's experience.

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Give conversational space to the other person to creatively engage you.

It can be rewarding.

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Focus on demonstrating care over time rather than worrying about perfect phrasing or timing in communication.

Attention over time shows people you care, and minor phrasing errors likely go unnoticed.

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Share your uncommon interests passionately with people who know nothing about them.

Uncommon interests are interesting to those unfamiliar with the topic and make for great conversation.

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Make statements rather than asking questions to create natural conversations.

Asking questions all the time makes interactions feel like an interview; best conversations flow with mostly statements.

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Start a conversation by sharing a random memory of a shared experience.

It helps kick off the conversation and allows for reminiscing.

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• Initiate conversations by identifying shared contexts or commonalities, such as waiting in line together or wearing similar items.2

Avoid mentioning specific counts of questions asked when addressing imbalance.

Counting questions gives off demanding vibes.

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If you find yourself focused on solving a problem during a conversation, pause to ensure you are not missing the opportunity to connect emotionally by trying to understand the other person instead.

Focusing on how to respond can prevent understanding and connection.

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Use information gained from listening to make connections, add ideas, or celebrate and commiserate appropriately.

Listening is necessary but not enough; the value lies in how you react to the information gained.

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Start a conversation with a simple compliment about what the other person is wearing or doing.

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Adapt the frequency and enthusiasm of your active listening feedback to match your genuine level of interest in the topic.

Excessively enthusiastic tones can come across as annoying or insincere if you are not actually interested.

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Recognize that a person may talk at length about a subject because they fear seeming unknowledgeable and want to speak confidently.

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Ask open-ended questions to empathize rather than trying to solve the problem unless help is explicitly requested.

It helps you empathize and avoids unsolicited solutioneering.

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Speak directly to a deaf person rather than addressing their interpreter.

It makes the interaction better for everybody and acknowledges that you are conversing with the person, not the interpreter.

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Respect others' prerogative not to engage in conversation, recognizing that you are not entitled to their attention.

Reading the other person's mood and respecting their desire not to engage is an important part of social skills.

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Share thoughts spontaneously without filtering for perceived audience interest.

Throwing out unfiltered ideas until one sparks interest can help connect with others.

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Start contributing to meetings by adding small comments to existing points, whether complimenting or criticizing.

Starting small allows you to work your way up to larger contributions.

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Practice active listening and occasionally offer supportive comments rather than forcing conversation.

Active listening is enough and valuable.

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Develop a wide variety of basic interests and knowledge about everyday issues instead of relying solely on specialized knowledge.

Specialized knowledge can stop conversations with less specialized or uninterested people.

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Once you have passed the initial awkward meeting phase, discuss deeper and more personal topics.

Receiving personal information signals comfort, which encourages reciprocal sharing.

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Explicitly state that you are not hitting on the person and apologize if your presence causes discomfort.

Many women are accustomed to men ignoring their boundaries, so they often start conversations defensively.

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In discussions, listen first and foremost without anticipating the conversation; try paraphrasing to slow things down.

Anticipating the conversation means you are not listening; paraphrasing helps avoid saying something regrettable.

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Listen actively by putting away distractions like phones, making eye contact, and asking follow-up questions instead of interrupting.

Interrupting suggests you aren't listening.

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Distribute personal topics across different layers of intimacy rather than revealing everything at once.

Giving away too much too quickly can cause the other person to lose interest immediately.

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Talk over the speaker as you walk away, ignoring their attempts to add final points.

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• Walk away while the person is still talking, allowing them to continue speaking into empty space.3

Focus on shared activities like cooking, chores, or board games to relax before attempting small talk.

These activities help you relax somewhat.

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Focus conversations on your unique opinions about common topics rather than just stating facts everyone already knows.

Only you know your specific opinion on these things.

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Embrace your introversion and strengths rather than trying to change yourself for group conversation, as fitting in is overrated.

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If someone tries to redirect the discussion, guide it back to the subject you intended to discuss.

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Play devil's advocate to keep the conversation going after inviting education.

It provides fun and keeps the conversation going.

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Keep conversations surface-level with people who constantly play devil's advocate.

This protects your emotional energy and saves you the trouble of annoying interactions.

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Signal alignment with the other person's needs before requesting further information.

It establishes that you are aligned with their interests while showing interest in more details.

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Prepare an exit strategy before starting a conversation in case you wish to leave.

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Agree with the speaker rather than offering opinions that further the conversation.

That's usually enough

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Avoid asking invasive or overly detailed personal questions in initial check-ins.

Such questions can be perceived as invasive.

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Approach difficult acquaintances as neutral strangers, make a statement about your current activity, and walk past without slowing down or asking questions.

This prevents the interaction from lasting longer than necessary.

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Apologize immediately if you catch yourself veering off-topic during a conversation.

People will understand the admission.

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Talk about polarizing pop culture topics if other conversation starters fail.

The worst outcome is disagreement, but it ensures an engaging conversation.

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Extend the conversation by saying hi followed immediately by something funny or interesting, avoiding generic 'how are you' exchanges.

Generic 'how are you' exchanges should be avoided in favor of casual, funny, and easygoing interactions.

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If you reveal you already know something, immediately add following questions to show you find it interesting and enjoy discussing it.

It reframes the interaction from dismissal to engagement.

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Walk the chatterbox back to their workstation while continuing the discussion, then exit the conversation by reminding them you have work to do.

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Fill your life with volunteering, new hobbies, and giving to others instead of waiting around for responses and overanalyzing silence.

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Recognize different conversational styles (linear vs. woven/circular) and adjust expectations accordingly; circular talkers interrupt to engage, not dominate.

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Connect the subject to your own life by sharing a relevant personal anecdote or wish regarding what they are describing.

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Cut off the talker and make your exit about your own needs rather than their behavior, such as saying you need to get back to work.

It feels less insulting that way.

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Admit straight up that you do not know the answer if asked about something you have no knowledge of, rather than making up facts.

Saying 'I don't know' is a valid response and asking smart questions afterward helps maintain credibility.

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• Say 'I don't know' to save time and avoid spreading misinformation, then actively seek the correct information or direct others to a source.1
• Admit ignorance even if it feels uncomfortable, as honesty is polite, helpful, and yields better results than fabricating answers.1

Frame advice using 'I' statements like 'What’s worked for me...' instead of 'You should...'

The delivery is softer while conveying the same message.

• Can backfire by making you appear self-centered or like you are turning their problems into a topic about yourself.

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• Frame your input as personal ways you would handle the situation rather than advice on what they should do.1

Replace 'X won't work because Y' with 'X might work if it weren't for Y' to sound more open-minded.

It communicates the truth in a gentler way that keeps lines of communication flowing.

• Depending on delivery, this can come across as snarky.

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Communicate why you are acting the way you are.

Otherwise people may assume you are stuck up, mean, or rude.

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Ask directly if it is an appropriate time to make a joke before doing so.

It might save you from causing future hurt.

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• Before making a snarky joke, ask yourself if it will hurt feelings, how you would feel saying it, and if it is worth saying; generally, say something nice instead.1

Phrase questions directly to the person (e.g., 'How are you?') rather than asking the interpreter to ask them.

Saying 'Ask them how they're doing' is considered fairly rude.

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Say 'I agree' instead of 'You're right' to avoid implying ignorance or that your mind has been changed unnecessarily.

'You're right' can imply ignorance on your part or suggest they changed your mind when they haven't; 'I agree' avoids this.

• Some people use both interchangeably.

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• Replace 'I know' with 'You're right' when responding to advice to show you are listening and give credit.2
• Say 'you're right' instead of 'I know' when someone shares things you already know.1

If someone is being condescending or mansplaining and you have no real need to talk to them, say 'I know' instead of 'Yeah, you’re right' to discourage further conversation.

It makes you sound less friendly and discourages people from talking to you.

• Only use this if you don't like the person or they are obviously condescending.

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State out loud at the start of an opinion that you might be wrong or missing something.

It signals to others that you are open to correction.

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Make the call quickly and do not worry about what you say.

The other person is unlikely to care.

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Calmly label rude behavior as rude to buy yourself time and cut down on backlash.

It buys you more time to think and trivializes the comments.

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Use polite alternatives such as 'Pardon?', 'Would you mind repeating that?', 'I'm sorry?', or 'Can you repeat that?' instead of saying 'What?' when you do not understand.

'What?' can imply you didn't hear, don't understand, don't believe, or think the statement was ridiculous.

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• Say 'say that again' instead of 'what?' or 'huh?' when you do not understand, to clearly signal a need for repetition rather than surprise.1
• Clarify your intent when saying 'what?' by adding 'Excuse me' or specifying you want a repeat, to avoid being interpreted as disbelief.1

Avoid pre-emptively thanking someone for assumed patience if they haven't shown it yet, as it can seem presumptuous.

It fails to apologize for wasting time and presumes feelings the person may not have had.

• Thanking someone for patience is fine, but doing it instead of apologizing is bad advice.

2 people, independently

Explicitly state that it is okay for the person to decline your request.

So they don't feel coerced.

one person who lived it

Avoid using the word 'bitch' in the workplace as it is volatile.

It is a pretty volatile word in the workplace.

one person who lived it

Reframe 'sorry for being a burden' or 'sorry for taking up your time' into 'thank you for your time' or 'I appreciate you doing this.'

It shifts you out of a guilt mindset and makes you feel better about yourself.

2 people, independently

• Replace reflexive 'sorry' with 'thank you' to reframe interactions positively, such as saying 'Thank you for waiting' instead of 'Sorry I am late.'3

State clearly 'Bullshit. I’m not kidding' and walk away.

Walking away is the kindest option.

one person who lived it

Treat 'No thanks' as a complete sentence and do not feel obligated to explain further.

You do not have to explain your decision.

one person who lived it

Respond to over-apologies with 'You did nothing wrong' or 'There’s nothing to apologize for' rather than 'It’s fine.'

Saying 'It's fine' can imply the person messed up; affirming they did nothing wrong helps break the mindset of constant mistake-making.

• Telling someone 'You did nothing wrong' may cause some people to feel the need to apologize for apologizing too much.
• This advice may not apply if dealing with Canadians, whose 'I'm sorry' often means 'I meant no disrespect.'

one person who lived it

• Realize that over-apologetic people are seeking confirmation and adjust your body language and tone so responses like 'It's fine' are not perceived as dismissive.1

Match your swearing habits to those of management in a new job.

If management is casual and swears, you can do so without much worry.

one person who lived it

If you are indifferent to the outcome, fully support the decision once it is made.

Doing otherwise is passive-aggressive.

one person who lived it

State the news in plain, direct terms without euphemisms.

Euphemisms can feel condescending, childish, or obscure the reality of death, causing anger; plain words like 'dead' or 'killed' are more reassuring and understandable.

3 people, independently

If your workplace culture forbids saying 'I don't know,' substitute it with action-oriented phrases like 'I'll look it up' or 'I'll check right now.'

Some bosses explicitly disfavor admitting ignorance.

• Depends on specific boss expectations

one person who lived it

• Say 'I don't know' to discourage colleagues from hovering over you while you figure out a solution in an office setting.1

Use 'Yes, and X' to accept the premise while adding new information, rather than 'Yes, but X' which denies it.

'Yes, and' accepts the previous statement as true; 'Yes, but' denies it.

one person who lived it

Check your intention before speaking the truth: ensure you are doing it to help, not to hurt or tease.

Telling the truth to help prevents harm, whereas telling it to hurt involves teasing or reopening old wounds.

one person who lived it

Tell a colleague directly that their behavior is inappropriate and unacceptable.

It is true, not rude.

• If they throw a fit, report them.

one person who lived it

Avoid using the word 'but' when transitioning from praise to criticism.

'But' erases the preceding compliment.

5 people, independently

• When giving polite criticism, replace the word 'but' with 'and' to avoid negating the preceding positive statement.2

State the negative or critical part first, then end on a positive note.

It comes off as more sincere and softens the blow by not building them up initially.

one person who lived it

Use non-obligatory language like 'Would you be willing to...' to keep the decision in the other person's court.

It fosters people's willingness for action.

one person who lived it

Be aware that negative questions may be answered oppositely in some languages.

In some languages, 'yes' to a negative question means confirming the negative (e.g., 'yes, I didn't go'), while 'no' means the opposite (e.g., 'no, I did go').

one person who lived it

Avoid using the word 'just' when giving advice.

It makes the recipient feel like an idiot and ignores the work involved in the task.

one person who lived it

If someone jokingly insults you, playfully make fun of them or own the insult to show confidence.

It shows you are confident in yourself.

one person who lived it

Pretend your stomach is upset to excuse yourself from a situation.

Most people do not want their house to smell like diarrhea.

one person who lived it

Use 'amazing deal' instead of 'cheap'.

It makes you seem savvy and clarifies that you got a good value rather than just low cost.

one person who lived it

• Use 'inexpensive' or 'cost effective' instead of 'cheap' when describing price.2

Say 'I enjoyed that' instead of 'It was ok'.

To clearly show that you liked something.

one person who lived it

Say 'I love that meme' instead of 'I've seen that one' when receiving a familiar meme.

Saying you have seen it is bad form.

one person who lived it

Use the phrase 'I'm not sure if I'm wording this right' at work when you struggle to find the right words.

Coworkers become familiar with this pattern and you often succeed on the second try.

one person who lived it

Ask 'Does that make sense?' or 'Does this make sense?' to check for understanding without sounding condescending.

It is more acceptable than asking if you were clear.

one person who lived it

• Use phrases like 'Does that make sense?' or 'Am I almost making sense yet?' to check for understanding without blaming the listener.1
• Ask 'Did I explain that clearly enough?' instead of 'Did you understand that?' to reduce condescension.1

Say 'sorry, you were saying?' if you interrupt someone.

It doesn't hurt to say something like that.

one person who lived it

Tell people the error was an accident.

The messages could have been worse.

one person who lived it

Say you do not want to go rather than saying you cannot, to provide a firmer refusal.

Saying you 'can't' invites questions about why you can't; saying you 'don't want to' is more firm.

one person who lived it

State directly that you have a headache and need the person to be quiet, thanking them in advance for giving you silence.

This approach is described as direct, respectful, and assertive.

2 people, independently

Frame corrections tentatively (e.g., 'wait I thought...') rather than definitively ('actually...').

It shifts the tone from saying someone is wrong to asking if you are right about something.

one person who lived it

• Frame corrections using subjective impressions like 'I get the impression that...' rather than objective accusations like 'you said this'.1

Limit sarcastic exchanges to no more than two or three turns in a row.

Longer exchanges can lead to confusion about whether the interaction has become serious or offensive.

one person who lived it

If you are unsure of an answer, offer to consult an expert and get back to the person, rather than guessing.

This buys time without making you appear incompetent.

one person who lived it

Use 'No' as a complete sentence to affirm your boundaries.

It helps you harbor fewer resentments.

one person who lived it

Call out nitpicky behavior by asking how their point is different from yours.

One person reported having the most luck with this approach.

one person who lived it

Explicitly state that sarcasm is not your thing instead of playing dumb.

It is simpler and less manipulative.

one person who lived it

• Take sarcastic comments literally to signal that the sarcasm is wasted on you.1

Make a conscious effort to express yourself through words and body language to avoid appearing rude or stuck-up.

Lack of effort in expression comes off as rude, not shyness itself.

one person who lived it

Rephrase what the other person said and ask if that is what they meant before responding.

Telling someone they are wrong immediately closes them off.

one person who lived it

• Start by validating why the other person might have misunderstood you before explaining your own intent.1

Reserve impressive word choice for appropriate contexts; do not use it in social situations.

Social situations are not the time or place for such language.

one person who lived it

Be honest and direct rather than beating around the bush.

Ambiguity is rude and difficult for those with trouble reading social cues.

one person who lived it

Do not offer easy, simple solutions to upset people.

They have likely already tried those, and offering them can make the person feel stupid and more upset.

one person who lived it

Avoid using 'surprise me' as a response.

It does not remove the burden of choice from the other person.

one person who lived it

Use the phrase 'I assumed' if you actually made an assumption and want to take responsibility for the error.

Stating that you assumed acknowledges the mistake tied to that assumption, which is suitable when honesty is required.

3 people, independently

Precede advice with 'If you haven't tried this already...' to avoid sounding dictatorial.

It avoids implying the recipient failed to think of it and helps avoid pissing off an already frustrated friend.

• Some consider being upset by the lack of this phrase as having bigger issues.

one person who lived it

Instruct users to physically unplug and replug devices rather than asking if they are plugged in.

Asking if it is plugged in leads users to say 'Of course it is!' without checking; having them unplug and replug allows them to save face if it was indeed unplugged.

one person who lived it

Be confident even if you say something stupid; showing you are human is acceptable.

It shows you are human.

one person who lived it

Use the phrase 'It's my understanding that...' to indicate you are not positive about a fact.

It warns others to verify before repeating the information or basing huge decisions on it.

one person who lived it

Phrase suggestions as optional questions, such as 'Would you be able to...?', rather than directives.

This avoids offending or frustrating the listener and allows them to determine if it fits their situation.

one person who lived it

Do not preface normal questions by calling them 'weird.'

It makes you seem insecure.

one person who lived it

Use the phrase 'another think coming' to mean 'think again', distinct from 'another thing coming'.

It is a wordy way of saying 'think again'.

one person who lived it

If you struggle with tone when joking back, start by laughing at the initiator's joke before delivering your own retort.

It helps make it clear you're joking back.

one person who lived it

Reply with 'Yes, I love that story' in a careful, non-sarcastic tone to acknowledge you have heard it gently.

It lets the person know you have heard it in a positive way.

one person who lived it

Qualify advice with phrases like 'I mean I would probably' or 'but that's just me' to soften the recommendation.

To save your butt.

2 people, independently

Reserve 'sorry' for genuine faults to maintain its meaning and impact.

Overusing it makes the word meaningless and dilutes the strength of actual apologies.

one person who lived it

• Spare your apologies for situations where they are truly merited.1
• Reserve apologies only for when you have genuinely hurt someone or done something bad that negatively affects another person; never apologize for being human.1

Use 'I' language instead of 'you' language to maintain neutrality and avoid offending people.

People can be offended by 'you' language even if you don't intend it.

one person who lived it

Take your time thinking of responses to avoid looking needy or desperate.

You won't look needy or desperate.

one person who lived it

Stop starting every response or answer with 'So...'.

It's annoying.

one person who lived it

Preface sensitive questions with a polite acknowledgment that it might be rude to ask.

To be safe.

one person who lived it

Phrase instructions to teenagers positively (e.g., 'please walk') rather than using negative commands (e.g., 'don't run').

Teenagers hear the word 'don't' as a challenge accepted.

one person who lived it

Replace 'should' with 'could' when giving advice to frame it as a neutral suggestion rather than a weighted instruction.

Using 'should' adds weight and guilt for not complying, whereas 'could' presents an option without assuming you know the answer.

one person who lived it

Avoid condescending language or insults during a debate.

Insults cause the other person to shut down and resist changing their mind, as they perceive them as personal attacks.

2 people, independently

Be aware that silence in response to a request may be a strategy to avoid conflict or punishment rather than a simple refusal.

Some people find it difficult to say no because they fear being questioned on their reasons.

one person who lived it

Throw out an encouraging phrase like 'that's awesome' or 'nice' and then immediately walk off.

The person will not know how to feel and typically will not follow you.

one person who lived it

Use a simple comeback to signal that you understand the joke without needing to be witty.

It signals you are not dumbfounded by what was said.

one person who lived it

Provide constructive honesty only when the issue can still be changed.

Criticism about unchangeable past events (like a dress at prom) is not helping.

one person who lived it

When asking for feedback on why you upset someone, disclose that you sometimes struggle with social cues and frame the request as a desire to avoid repeating the behavior.

This approach may yield a better response rate.

one person who lived it

Avoid commenting on weight loss or looking younger, as it can imply the person previously looked old or overweight.

Saying 'you look younger' implies they looked old before; asking about weight loss can backfire if they didn't lose weight, revealing you think they should have.

one person who lived it

State your objections or confusion directly rather than asking 'why' when you have issues with a subject.

The other person will explain happily, and you will seem smoother.

one person who lived it

When critiquing, offer a concrete fix or idea for improvement instead of merely complaining.

This stops the listener from feeling left behind and distinguishes effective feedback from other types.

5 people, independently

Let your actions speak for themselves rather than verbally asserting your knowledge when given unwanted advice.

Trying to assert you are not dumb might make others think you are stupider.

one person who lived it

Avoid overusing phrases like 'I see your point, but...' as they can become annoying.

It becomes obvious and annoying when used too often.

one person who lived it

Do not use positive reframing phrases if you were late due to a lack of respect for others' time; simply apologize or arrive on time.

Using these phrases in this context makes you sound self-centered and uncontrite.

one person who lived it

If your family will panic regardless of what you say after a minor accident, wait until you can see them in person to confirm you are okay.

Seeing you physically helps alleviate their panic more than words alone.

one person who lived it

When you are unsure if your point is correct, say 'my understanding is…' to present the idea without overcommitting.

It allows you to sound confident while remaining open to being wrong.

one person who lived it

Use the word 'interesting' instead of 'weird' to describe unusual observations without sounding blatant.

It helps you avoid sounding blatant when observing something weird and shows you are listening.

• If someone responds with 'interesting', it may indicate they think you have made a mistake.

one person who lived it

Precede opinions with phrases like 'in my opinion' or 'I feel that' to present them as equal perspectives rather than facts.

This positions your side on equal footing with others, avoiding the need for them to argue against a stated fact.

one person who lived it

Make generic positive noises like 'ooh' and 'ahh', then immediately return to work.

It is not worth hurting someone's feelings over two minutes out of your day.

one person who lived it

Respond to 'thank you' with 'My pleasure' or 'No worries'.

'No worries' proves you are acting out of charity and were not bothered by the request.

one person who lived it

Avoid using 'if' in apologies.

It can sound passive-aggressive and imply you do not believe you actually hurt the other person.

one person who lived it

If you must correct someone confidently wrong, state your counterpoint with confidence and politeness; otherwise, stay silent.

Most people will eventually realize the other person is incorrect on their own.

• Only speak up if you are sure of your facts.

one person who lived it

Respond to an insult with a flat-affect statement about liking pizza to catch the insulter off guard and end the situation.

It catches them off guard, ends the situation, and lets them know you do not care.

one person who lived it

Use 'love' instead of 'hate' when expressing preferences.

So people know you don't hate things.

one person who lived it

Shift the debate from personal dispute to the problem itself by framing it as 'we against the problem'.

Interactions become more expedient and can save friendships.

one person who lived it

Use scripted responses like 'Sorry, what?' or repeat what was said to buy time to formulate a reply when caught off guard.

It gives you a few seconds to process and can point out to the speaker how unnecessary or uncomfortable their comment was.

one person who lived it

Calmly call out one-upping behavior using 'I' statements to explain how it impacts you.

If you continue to be passive, they'll continue to do it

one person who lived it

Avoid idioms, figures of speech, slang, and pop culture references when communicating with non-native speakers.

These expressions create cultural barriers and are often misunderstood literally, confusing the listener.

6 people, independently

Use sarcasm cautiously, especially if you are autistic, as it can hit deep truths that offend people who do not know you well; reserve it for those with a similar sense of humor or who know you well.

Autistic sarcasm often goes undetected by outsiders and can quickly offend them.

one person who lived it

Use expressive gestures, smiles, and relaxed posture to signal that you are joking.

Non-verbal cues make up most of a joke's delivery.

one person who lived it

Write emails with the same tone as a casual conversation with coworkers or employers.

To prevent readers from mistaking your words as condescending.

one person who lived it

Avoid prefacing requests with 'Quick question' as it is often misleading and trivializes the request.

The phrase is always a lie and attempts to trivialize the request being asked.

one person who lived it

Stop making self-deprecating comments if they seem to fish for reassurance, as this creates discomfort for others.

It puts the listener in an impossible position and feels awkward.

one person who lived it

When someone asks for a favor, respond with 'I'm listening' or 'What's up?' before agreeing.

This avoids premature commitment and false hope before hearing the full request.

one person who lived it

Frame corrections of misunderstandings as your own mistake to avoid awkwardness.

It allows the other person to save face.

one person who lived it

• Frame honest criticism with plausible excuses or face-saving explanations.1

Ask 'what feelings or thoughts are you having?' instead of 'what are you feeling?' to encourage openness.

This phrasing reduces pressure by allowing the person to share without implicitly identifying with feelings they might consider stupid.

one person who lived it

In business settings, use positive phrases like 'my pleasure' or 'happy to help' instead of 'no problem' when responding to thanks.

It uses positive language.

• 'My pleasure' can sound sarcastic in England.

one person who lived it

Be bluntly honest and focus on producing results rather than using blame-shifting language to manage perceptions.

Working hard, being nice, and producing results builds a reputation that eliminates the need for blame-shifting language.

one person who lived it

Avoid ranting about policy changes until you verify if there are legal or safety reasons behind them to save face.

Ranting without knowing the reason can embarrass you later when you find out there was a valid cause.

one person who lived it

Respond to sarcastic 'thanks for the invite' with a bright, cheerful 'Sure!' or 'Anytime!' to catch the other person off guard.

A cheerful response leaves them flatfooted and removes the remark from the joke category if they are annoyed.

one person who lived it

When declining social plans due to budget constraints, say you are trying to save money rather than stating you cannot afford it.

Framing it as a decision to save is less likely to be questioned or challenged by friends than claiming inability to pay.

one person who lived it

Communicate clearly and use words to ask for permission before making a move, such as kissing.

It shows maturity and honesty, and it is not awkward to communicate.

one person who lived it

Directly tell a coworker or friend to stop being sarcastic if it has become annoying.

One person reported that their peer stopped the behavior after being asked directly.

one person who lived it

Use an excited or engaged tone (e.g., 'oh yeah! And then...') when acknowledging repeated stories to avoid sounding annoyed.

A terse tone comes across as annoyed; an excited tone avoids this perception.

one person who lived it

Say 'My pleasure' instead of 'No problem' when responding to appreciation to sound more formal and sincere.

'No problem' sounds very casual, whereas 'my pleasure' sounds very formal.

• Some believe Chick-fil-A has co-opted and ruined the phrase 'my pleasure'.
• In certain industries like construction, saying 'my pleasure' may get weird.

one person who lived it

If you are already angry, acknowledge it upfront by apologizing for your tone and stating that the frustration is not directed at the current agent.

This helps the agent assist you better.

one person who lived it

Assume your written words will be read with zero inflection or interest, like Ben Stein explaining lawn care, to ensure they are safe from misinterpretation by legal or management.

Even if you intend something to be over-the-top or clearly outrageous, reading it flatly removes the intended humor and makes it sound mundane or serious.

one person who lived it

Apologize for past social blunders even years later to take accountability.

It feels like a weight dropped off your shoulder.

one person who lived it

Ensure you are showing warmth and affirming body language, such as smiling, to avoid being perceived as cold, stuck up, or arrogant.

Lack of affirming body language is a common reason introverts are labeled as stuck up or bitchy.

one person who lived it

Say 'sorry sorry' instead of just 'sorry' to function more like 'excuse me'.

It makes the phrase less like an explicit apology.

one person who lived it

• Replace compulsive 'sorry' with 'excuse me' or 'pardon me' when moving past people or seeking attention.3

Avoid using sarcasm with people who do not know you well.

Sarcasm confuses people who are not familiar with your communication style.

one person who lived it

Choose your words carefully to avoid upsetting others when it is possible to do so.

3 people, independently

• Pick your language carefully during small negotiations to avoid being hurtful or offending.1

Consider using 'essentially' instead of 'basically' when explaining things, though opinions on tone vary.

Leading with 'basically' may imply you are dumbing it down; however, some perceive 'essentially' as condescending ('listen, idiots... I'm smarter than you') or simply as boiling down complexity.

• Some listeners never interpret 'basically' as dumbing down.
• Some perceive 'essentially' as smug.

one person who lived it

State clearly that you need to go without providing any explanation or excuse.

Providing fewer explanations prevents the other person from sensing weakness or negotiating.

3 people, independently

Do not follow up an apology with further messages; let the other person choose whether to respond.

An apology is only appreciated if you do not follow up before they do.

one person who lived it

One person argued that rude comments may have good intentions to ensure engagement, and that defensive advice could kill the room's vibe.

The commenter believed the intent was to ensure everyone was engaged, not to single anyone out.

one person who lived it

Avoid using the phrase 'to be honest' in job interviews or formal communication.

It implies you have not been honest up until that point.

one person who lived it

Be blunt but use tact; combine directness with niceness to avoid coming across as an asshole.

Bluntness without tact results in negative perceptions.

one person who lived it

• Communicate needs in a positive way instead of being needlessly blunt, which can be mistaken for honesty but often offends people.1

Decline invitations with a simple 'no' without providing a reason.

Giving reasons invites debate; a plain no is non-debatable because only you can decide your availability.

• Common decency sometimes dictates giving a reason, which the other person must accept at face value.
• A plain no can often sound rude.

one person who lived it

Say 'Pardon me' instead of barking 'What' or grunting.

Barking or grunting is considered rude.

one person who lived it

Avoid calling people names during disagreements, as it entrenches their views rather than changing them.

Name-calling is more likely to entrench views than change them; convincing happens by targeting those who can be convinced.

one person who lived it

Play on awkward situations by explicitly stating that you can't think of anything to say.

It might develop into something funnier.

one person who lived it

Read 'A Complaint Free World' to learn how to respond to complaining.

It explains the acronym GRIPE and provides answers for replying to reasons for complaining.

one person who lived it

Answer routine greetings like 'How are you?' with a brief, socially acceptable response such as 'good' to maintain smooth conversation flow.

It is a ritual gesture that signals you have no malicious intentions.

one person who lived it

Use non-committal phrases like 'That's true,' 'I haven't looked at it that way,' or 'Makes sense' to show you are hearing the person without committing to their ideas.

It lets them know you understand their logic without assuming it is right.

one person who lived it

Avoid being condescending when sharing opinions or explaining things, as it causes people to disregard your message regardless of its content.

How you say something matters almost as much as what you say; many people do not realize they are being condescending.

one person who lived it

Consider using 'I was under the impression...' for interpersonal situations, though be aware some find it passive-aggressive.

It is described as fitting for interpersonal situations by some.

• Some perceive this phrase as having a passive-aggressive office email tone.
• Others argue that 'I mistakenly thought' is more powerful because it admits being wrong rather than deflecting blame.

2 people, independently

When explaining a mistake to a supervisor, say 'I was under the impression' or 'My understanding was' instead of 'I thought'.

These phrases sound more professional and informed even if in error.

one person who lived it

Show happiness by smiling, nodding, or saying thank you in an excited tone to reduce awkwardness.

It makes the situation feel less awkward.

one person who lived it

State that you haven't thought about a topic when asked for an opinion to avoid giving misphrased or incomplete answers.

Spontaneous responses may not reflect your actual thoughts and can result in misphrased ideas.

• Saying 'I don't think about it' can shut down the conversation.

one person who lived it

Tailor your communication style to your audience; use self-deprecation if it helps lower defenses in hierarchical contexts.

Direct questions can come across as arrogant, whereas framing them as 'dumb' questions may make people let their guard down.

one person who lived it

Frame the conversation about hygiene using a 'spinach in teeth' analogy to normalize pointing out unnoticed physical issues.

Approaching it as a friend helps convey that you thought they would rather hear it from you than anyone else.

one person who lived it

Confidently defer to others' expertise by saying things like 'That's above my pay grade' without feeling shame.

There is no shame in admitting limits, and people will not view you negatively as long as you do not feel shame yourself.

one person who lived it

Model decision-making for children by making choices and expressing opinions instead of using phrases like 'whatever' or 'I don't care'.

It teaches the child that having an opinion and making a choice is normal.

one person who lived it

Ignore self-deprecating comments with no reaction or a slight grin, then change the subject.

It avoids reinforcing the behavior.

one person who lived it

Ask what the other person meant before getting angry or reacting negatively.

Letting them explain it first is much better than yanking their chain immediately.

one person who lived it

Avoid offering unsolicited advice unless directly requested.

Uninvited advice can seem judgmental, condescending, narcissistic, controlling, or arrogant. It presumes the other person is dissatisfied with their status quo and that you have the right to dictate their actions.

• At some jobs, unsolicited advice is required for disaster prevention.
• In cases like seeing someone jack up a car before loosening lug nuts, definitely let them be (implying safety risks may vary).

7 people, independently

Address ghosting with a quick apology and jump straight to business as usual to avoid awkwardness.

It prevents the situation from becoming awkward.

one person who lived it

Use precise phrasing that reflects your actual thoughts (e.g., 'I don't drink coffee') rather than softer expressions that imply temporary circumstances (e.g., 'I don't want coffee').

Imprecise phrasing can lead to significant misunderstandings about your preferences or habits.

one person who lived it

Pay close attention to your tone when using verbal acknowledgments like 'ok' or 'uh-huh' to ensure you do not sound uninterested or on autopilot.

A flat tone can make others question if you are paying attention.

one person who lived it

Do not replace apologies with thanks for major failures or things that are not your fault, such as data breaches or bereavement.

Saying 'thank you' in these contexts can be perceived negatively, such as pissing people off during a data leak or being inappropriate for condolences.

one person who lived it

Acknowledge feedback and ask for suggestions on how to change.

This approach carries weight with superiors, reduces future criticism, and positions you for promotions or raises.

one person who lived it

Replace harsh insults with lighter, playful words like 'goofball' to lower your own tension in tense situations.

Using softer language helps you feel less angry about the situation.

one person who lived it

Do not respond to 'thank you' with 'no problem' in customer service roles.

The word 'problem' can make customers think something was wrong and undermines the task performed.

one person who lived it

Replace 'but' with 'yes and' when responding to others to increase receptiveness.

People are more receptive when exceptional replies like 'but' are minimized.

• It does not make sense if the previous statement is factually incorrect or nonsensical.

one person who lived it

Focus on being genuine rather than worrying about whether you sound condescending.

Worrying about sounding condescending is what makes you come off as insincere.

one person who lived it

Attribute ambiguous comments to the speaker's social awkwardness rather than malice.

They may have their own interaction issues and regret what they said afterwards.

one person who lived it

Avoid making passive-aggressive comments like 'so you've stopped ignoring me now' when someone finally reaches out.

It discourages future effort; the recipient may feel punished for trying and won't bother next time.

one person who lived it

Substitute offensive slurs like 'retarded' with neutral terms like 'ridiculous' to avoid hurting others.

Using hurtful terms can offend people and close doors; avoiding them is about not being hurtful rather than appeasement.

one person who lived it

Replace 'I know' with 'I understand' when responding to tips or feedback to acknowledge receipt rather than dismiss the speaker.

'I know' can feel dismissive, while 'I understand' acknowledges the information.

one person who lived it

Apologize if you feel a joke was offensive, but otherwise forget about it because the other person likely won't remember.

Others will soon forget the incident if no offense was taken.

one person who lived it

Acknowledge and apologize immediately when you realize you said something insensitive, explaining that you spoke without thinking and do not actually feel that way.

It goes a long way.

one person who lived it

When someone shares news you already know, express excitement ('Omg, I know what you're talking about!') and follow up with related facts or opinions.

It helps continue the conversation.

one person who lived it

Set a safe word with friends who make edgy jokes to signal genuine offense quickly.

It provides an accepted way to stop specific topics immediately without argument.

one person who lived it

Replace tentative language like 'I think maybe' with definitive statements like 'We need to.'

Tentative language signals weakness.

one person who lived it

When mocked for pronunciation, seriously ask the mocker to explain the mistake and correct pronunciation until they accept your accent.

One person found that asking for corrections without smiling stopped friends from making fun of their accent after a few times.

one person who lived it

Apologize immediately after an unintentional hurtful reaction and explain the context to help both parties move on.

It helps smooth things over so you can both move on.

2 people, independently

Practice saying 'You're welcome' explicitly when thanked, rather than using grunts or alternatives like 'no problem.'

People tend to forget this phrase and default to non-verbal responses or casual alternatives.

• There is a modern trend against saying 'you're welcome' in favor of phrases like 'no problem' or 'no worries.'

one person who lived it

Validate emotions by acknowledging them directly, such as saying 'That sounds frustrating' or 'It sounds like you feel [emotion].'

7 people, independently

Laugh naturally instead of verbally stating that something is funny.

Verbal affirmation can appear insincere or passive-aggressive to some listeners.

• Some people may prefer verbal confirmation and think the situation is awkward without it.

one person who lived it

If interrupted, politely yield the floor by saying 'go ahead' to discourage rude interruptions.

This passive-aggressive strategy often causes interrupters to realize their point was unimportant and say 'nevermind'.

one person who lived it

Use only words whose meanings you are completely certain of, rather than attempting to sound smart with complex vocabulary.

Using unfamiliar words incorrectly creates the opposite effect of sounding intelligent.

one person who lived it

Coach staff members on grammar and spelling errors in person rather than in written correspondence.

This ensures business communications remain professional without putting corrections 'on the record'.

• Do not point out errors for job applicants, who are already nervous.
• Almost never correct vendors, clients, or random people; it is not worth the time.

one person who lived it

Communicate your feelings about having to repeat yourself using gentle corrections; consider ending the relationship if the behavior continues without explanation or psychological disorder.

Having to repeat shared thoughts can hurt feelings.

• Only consider dropping them if they continue after gentle corrections and do not have a psychological disorder.

one person who lived it

Use strong language when someone explicitly asks for advice, but use non-directive language (e.g., 'consider') when advice is unsolicited.

Unsolicited advice should not take away their agency.

one person who lived it

Give an exaggerated sad face or pout when someone cuts you off or makes a mistake to confuse them rather than provoke anger.

Confusion is less likely to escalate conflict than anger.

one person who lived it

Say 'correct' instead of 'right' when giving directions or acknowledging confirmation.

This avoids confusion with the directional meaning of 'right'.

• This issue does not exist in German.

2 people, independently

Rephrase strong words that might sound ironic, or explicitly state that you are being honest.

Strong words like 'beautiful' can definitely sound ironic.

one person who lived it

Keep initial interactions mellow and avoid swearing until you gauge the other person's comfort level.

Some people look down on swearing.

one person who lived it

Avoid using generic openers like 'Hey, what's up?'

It is considered unacceptable despite being common.

one person who lived it

In professional settings, describe difficult tasks as 'challenging' rather than 'hard'.

Describing a task as 'hard' may imply incompetence, whereas calling it 'challenging' and completing it makes you look like a hero.

one person who lived it

Review drafted texts to remove negative habits like sarcasm or self-deprecation before sending, replacing them with positive or neutral statements.

Tiny changes in wording can have a big impact.

one person who lived it

Avoid telling people they are dumb during debates to prevent hurting their ego and triggering defensiveness.

Hurt egos lead to defensive reactions.

one person who lived it

Choose words that soften the scope of your message to avoid unintended offense.

Phrases like 'It's my life' can be interpreted as rejecting others entirely, whereas 'It's my decision' limits the conflict and reduces insult.

one person who lived it

If you accidentally send a screenshot to the person involved, claim your device was acting weird and ask if they see the same error on their screen.

It is preferable to be perceived as technologically challenged than to face the embarrassment of being caught talking about them behind their back.

2 people, independently

Avoid saying 'I've already seen that' abruptly, as it kills conversation and can be interpreted as annoyance.

It comes across as abrupt and annoying.

one person who lived it

Practice combining optimism with sarcasm to keep a positive tone while using dry humor.

Developing a positive tone allows sarcasm to take on a different, less negative quality.

• Avoid veering into toxic positivity, which can be annoying.

one person who lived it

Never joke about working from home or lack of productivity with senior management.

Such jokes can result in the permanent cancellation of work-from-home privileges.

one person who lived it

Use indirect phrasing or softer runways when delivering rejections to preserve the other person's dignity.

It prevents the other person from feeling rejected as a friend.

one person who lived it

Phrase compliments as direct statements rather than questions or observations that sound like insults.

Phrasing that sounds insulting forces the recipient to make excuses for themselves.

one person who lived it

Address recurring sarcastic comments by having a direct conversation to understand why the person says them.

Discussing it helps both parties move forward rather than backward in the relationship.

one person who lived it

Consider using 'entirely' instead of 'totally', though some find this unnecessary.

It may sound more professional to some.

• Others argue you should just speak normally and consider this advice terrible.

one person who lived it

Cut off the interrupter with a sarcastic remark apologizing for speaking while they interrupt.

It gets everyone to laugh nervously.

one person who lived it

Interpret phrases like 'wow really?' as encouragement to continue rather than doubt.

Listeners often mean 'interesting, please go on' rather than expressing skepticism.

one person who lived it

Say 'No' when asked if you watched a recent debate to politely indicate you do not wish to discuss it further.

It shows engagement while clearly and politely ending the topic.

one person who lived it

After acknowledging an apology, state clearly that the important thing is for the person to stop doing the offending behavior.

It makes your boundaries clear while still acknowledging their apology.

one person who lived it

Apologize and blame technical issues like connection, mic, or background noise when you cannot understand an accented speaker on the phone.

It's kinder.

one person who lived it

Remove the word 'naturally' from your communication.

It carries an arrogant tone.

one person who lived it

Replace 'Yeah, I know' with 'Yeah, You're right' to elicit positive responses.

People respond so positively.

one person who lived it

Do not correct pronunciation or grammar at work if the meaning is understood and no disrespect is intended.

It prevents colleagues from getting upset.

one person who lived it

Consider that awkward or repetitive comments may stem from someone's difficulty with verbal expression rather than malice.

The person may be struggling to articulate their thoughts.

one person who lived it

Avoid steamrolling conversations with confrontational discourse disguised as sarcasm.

People may use this tactic to claim proof of their intelligence over those unused to such discourse.

one person who lived it

Avoid calling unfamiliar people 'gorgeous' to prevent obscuring your intent and souring future interactions.

Unfamiliar recipients may be unsure of your intent, which can worsen if they have had bad past experiences.

one person who lived it

Label your inquiries as 'beginner questions' instead of 'stupid questions' to encourage helpful responses.

It reminds others that everyone starts somewhere and forces them to remember not everyone is at their level.

one person who lived it

Set clear boundaries directly rather than deflecting passively.

Being unclear is unkind; doing one uncomfortable thing can avoid a longer stretch of unpleasantness.

one person who lived it

Start mirroring phrases with 'just so I understand...' to avoid sounding mocking.

This phrasing likely removes the perception of mockery.

one person who lived it

Calmly and politely point out service errors by asking for a double-check rather than accusing staff.

This approach usually results in managers fixing the issue and teaching the employee how to avoid future mistakes without conflict.

one person who lived it

Deliver truthful statements with courtesy and respect to distinguish honesty from rudeness.

Reasonable people can accept difficult truths if they are spoken with respect.

one person who lived it

Accompany smiles of appreciation with a verbal 'thank you'.

To avoid being misinterpreted as mocking.

one person who lived it

Directly tell someone that their comment is offensive rather than hinting at it or using passive-aggressive tactics.

Passive aggression is sad and incredibly ineffective.

one person who lived it

Treat unrequested advice as criticism.

Unrequested advice is essentially criticism.

2 people, independently

Apologize sincerely when you have genuinely inconvenienced someone or made a mistake, rather than just thanking them.

Refusing to apologize can be seen as avoiding accountability or taking responsibility for actions.

2 people, independently

Do not bring up and apologize for past minor oversights.

It creates another awkward memory.

one person who lived it

Have an exit plan ready when you admit you don't know enough about a topic to avoid unwanted education sessions.

Admitting lack of involvement can give the other person an opening to try to educate you, making things awkward.

one person who lived it

Say 'I appreciate that' instead of 'thank you'.

In one person's experience, this avoids eliciting another 'you're welcome' response.

one person who lived it

Remove phrases like 'of course', 'obviously', 'clearly', 'naive', 'trivial', or 'easy to see' when teaching, especially in introductory subjects.

These phrases can be disheartening.

one person who lived it

Be aware that some people feel rude saying no to unsolicited advice, so interpret silence or hesitation carefully.

Some people struggle to decline offers of help without feeling extremely rude.

one person who lived it

Frame refusals politely by acknowledging the giver's intent and explaining that the item would go to waste due to your preferences.

It prevents the giver from feeling rejected.

one person who lived it

Add a polite 'thank you' when shutting down nasty or insulting opinions to maintain decorum.

Politeness prevents feeding off conflict.

one person who lived it

Before getting upset about a comment, ask for clarification to verify if your interpretation matches the speaker's intent.

Your interpretation may not match what was intended.

one person who lived it

Admit error quickly by saying 'I'm sorry, you're right, I misspoke' to shortcut defensiveness and hostility in collaborative but adversarial work relationships.

It lets you move forward with your agenda.

one person who lived it

Replace 'but' with 'however' in delicate situations to convey contrast with less negative weight.

The word 'but' carries a negative connotation.

one person who lived it

Respond to unsolicited opinions about your life with a neutral acknowledgment like 'OK' or a smile, rather than engaging in debate.

Engaging feeds conflict and helps the other person progress their agenda; neutrality empowers you while making the other person feel ineffective.

one person who lived it

Use objective, specific facts instead of inflammatory language when criticizing someone.

This allows you to communicate issues professionally without making yourself look like the problem.

one person who lived it

Avoid pretending to be surprised by news you already know.

It can be perceived as patronizing, infantilizing, deceitful, or making you appear intellectually uncurious.

one person who lived it

Be spontaneous and sincere rather than using corporate-speak phrases.

Corporate speak is immediately recognizable and often delivered with disdain or sarcasm, making it disingenuous.

one person who lived it

Act confident and unfazed when buying embarrassing items.

Nervously explaining yourself signals embarrassment and prolongs the awkwardness for both parties.

one person who lived it

Use specific, neutral observations about style instead of subjective judgments to avoid sending mixed romantic signals.

Subjective terms like 'cute' can be interpreted as romantic interest.

one person who lived it

Admit mistakes readily instead of denying them.

Denying mistakes makes you appear unintelligent.

one person who lived it

Specify exactly what was wrong in a performance instead of using harsh generalizations.

Specificity shows genuine interest in helping rather than just correcting.

one person who lived it

Rephrase criticism into positive statements focusing on the goal or solution.

People respond better to positivity and may perceive negativity as a personal attack.

one person who lived it

Clarify communication expectations directly if you are unsure about social cues, such as asking if a callback is expected.

You cannot control others' actions, so advocating for yourself reduces ambiguity.

one person who lived it

Provide pushback on unreasonable rants rather than offering zero resistance, which normalizes unreasonable behavior.

Giving zero pushback sends the wrong message by normalizing unreasonable behavior.

one person who lived it

Catch and reword emails to superiors or acquaintances by removing self-criticism and apologies, replacing them with appreciation or nothing.

Downplaying yourself weakens your message; removing self-criticism makes emails stronger and increases confidence.

one person who lived it

Refuse to decode passive-aggressive communication; remain blissfully unaware if adults cannot articulate their needs clearly.

It is not your job to interpret unclear requests.

one person who lived it

When given extra tasks, ask for help prioritizing them to frame the conversation as collaborative rather than defensive.

Asking for feedback sounds collaborative, whereas making excuses sounds defensive.

one person who lived it

Be honest about not understanding rather than faking agreement.

You might accidentally agree with something offensive or unwanted.

one person who lived it

Warn chronic complainers that you will leave the conversation if negativity continues, and consistently enforce this boundary every time until they stop.

Consistent enforcement leads to improved behavior over time.

one person who lived it

Follow expressions of sorrow with 'that happened' to clarify that you are expressing sympathy, not admitting guilt.

Saying you're sorry can be interpreted as apologizing; this phrasing prevents that misinterpretation.

one person who lived it

Say 'oops' or 'no biggie' for insignificant mistakes instead of apologizing repeatedly.

Apologizing for insignificant things or more than once draws excessive attention to yourself and makes it about you.

one person who lived it

Pause before speaking to determine if an apology is warranted rather than using it as social deflection.

Using apologies as deflection devalues heartfelt ones.

one person who lived it

Use the phrase 'my understanding is…' to non-confrontationally challenge someone else's incorrect point.

It provides an opportunity to make your argument or explanation without confrontation.

one person who lived it

Wait until the other person finishes speaking, then calmly describe fallacies without using formal terms.

Using formal terms is rude; removing competitive inclinations allows for constructive debate.

one person who lived it

Use 'never mind' to disengage when repeated explanations fail and cause frustration, accepting that some people may not understand or care.

Continuing to explain often increases frustration without achieving comprehension.

one person who lived it

Avoid using inflammatory language like 'aggravated af' or 'shit' when responding to criticism, as it signals defensiveness rather than level-headedness.

Such words are not level-headed or empathetic and indicate a defensive reaction.

one person who lived it

Understand that in some cultures, such as Canada, 'sorry' can function as a social lubricant meaning 'pardon me,' 'watch out,' 'that sucks,' or expressing regret without suggesting fault.

3 people, independently

Use tone and enthusiasm to soften the delivery of 'I've seen that before,' ensuring the response feels appreciative rather than dismissive.

The difference between a warm acknowledgment and a flat statement lies entirely in the tone.

one person who lived it

Avoid cursing when telling the truth.

Cursing is inherently abrasive and adds unnecessary aggression to the mood.

one person who lived it

Begin an apology by admitting you were wrong and inconsiderate of the other person's feelings.

3 people, independently

Avoid passively aggressively saying 'you're welcome' when not thanked.

It is not effective.

2 people, independently

Eliminate hedging words and qualifiers like 'I think,' 'just,' and 'maybe' to appear decisive.

Successful men ruthlessly eliminate these phrases from their vocabulary.

one person who lived it

Use 'correct' or 'incorrect' instead of 'yes' or 'no' when responding to ambiguous questions.

English lacks variations like 'yes, affirmative' and 'yes, negative' found in other languages; 'correct' is the best approximation.

one person who lived it

Use 'like' in casual speech to indicate paraphrasing intent rather than direct quotation.

Exact wording is often forgotten.

one person who lived it

Address specific behaviors you did not appreciate rather than attacking the person's character.

3 people, independently

Clarify ambiguous 'maybe' responses by explicitly stating your interpretation, such as 'so no, but later?', to resolve awkwardness.

Calling out the ambiguity usually gets past the awkwardness.

one person who lived it

Maintain an enthusiastic and warm tone when saying no, expressing appreciation while clearly stating unavailability.

It preserves the relationship by showing you care, especially if you occasionally say yes.

one person who lived it

If your verbal acknowledgments seem repetitive or excessive, reduce their frequency rather than stopping entirely.

One person finds being ignored more maddening than feeling rushed by frequent acknowledgments.

one person who lived it

Use the WAIT acronym ('Why Am I Talking?') to prompt self-reflection before speaking.

It keeps your talking purposeful.

5 people, independently

• Pause and ask yourself 'Why Am I Talking?' (WAIT) before speaking.1

Take one breath and settle into your body before speaking.

This alone fixes half of the problems.

one person who lived it

• Be comfortable with silence and take pauses or breaths when speaking.3

Pause for three seconds after someone speaks to let their words sink in before replying.

Silence feels powerful and often leads others to share more insights.

2 people, independently

• Pause for 4 or 5 seconds during fast-paced conversations to think about how you should respond.1
• Pause after being asked a question instead of filling the silence with filler words like 'uh'.2
• Pause for two seconds before responding to anything.1
• Pause for a few seconds before speaking or answering to gather your thoughts and demonstrate active listening.6
• Allow silence in conversation without feeling compelled to fill it; let your words breathe after making a point.1
• Consciously insert intentional pauses during conversation to allow yourself time to figure out what to say next.2
• Pause after speaking to allow the other person time to digest your words and formulate a response.1
• Pause and think before answering questions, accepting that the resulting silence may seem awkward.1
• Embrace silence and use facial expressions to show you are thinking rather than filling gaps with immediate verbal responses.1
• Pause briefly before saying something important to draw listeners in.1
• Resist the urge to fill empty spaces in conversation; simply pause and think.7

Continue speaking in the same tone as if you were never interrupted.

Stopping talking encourages the behavior more.

• It may be awkward.

5 people, independently

Wait until you have something meaningful to say before speaking, rather than talking just to fill silence.

Talking merely to fill silence can lead to social blunders and trouble.

8 people, independently

• Filter your thoughts before speaking so that what you say is worth saying.1
• Become comfortable with silence instead of using filler words, as people often respect speakers more for their silence.2
• Give only the information required and be comfortable with silence; giving too much can hurt you, while giving too little may appear suspicious.1

Speak 30% slower than feels natural.

It helps the recipient understand.

• Feels unnatural

one person who lived it

• Slow down your speech to give yourself time to think and enunciate clearly.1
• Consciously remind yourself to speak slower when talking to strangers.1
• Deliberately slow your speech and insert pauses between words so your mind can keep pace with your voice.5
• Slow down your speech slightly rather than speaking louder to help listeners process information.1
• Speak slightly more slowly and make an effort to fully pronounce every word.3

Slow down your response time by stopping, breathing, thinking, and looking away for a moment before answering.

It gives you seconds to think about what to say.

• It may make you feel insecure the first few times.

2 people, independently

Stop pressuring yourself to think of things to say to appear more confident.

Reducing this pressure can make you come off as more confident.

one person who lived it

Swap filler sounds like 'um' or 'uh' for pauses or a slower pace while you gather your thoughts.

Silence is preferable to using fillers when catching up to your thoughts.

10 people, independently

• Recognize that fillers signal you have paused to think but have not finished speaking.2

Plan what you are going to say a second before you speak it to increase success and reduce fumbling.

Planning a second before increases success.

one person who lived it

Speak more slowly and take time to think about your answers to reduce awkwardness in conversations.

Conversations become less awkward.

• Some people speak too slow and make others bored.

one person who lived it

• Speak less, especially around people who do not know you well, to help them relax around you.1

Say a pause phrase like 'hold on, one thought at a time' when multiple thoughts compete for attention.

It creates space to organize thoughts.

• Some may find the phrase awkward.

one person who lived it

Allow long pauses to exist and let silence ride, recognizing that pausing can be a sign of listening.

One person found that their boss's long pauses were because he was listening, and it worked well for him.

• Based on one person's experience with their boss.

one person who lived it

Slow down and articulate deliberately to prevent stumbling over words.

Speaking too fast causes you to trip over words; slowing down improves enunciation and makes sentences sound cleaner and more thoughtful.

• It will seem weird and uncomfortable at first.

7 people, independently

• Slow down your speech rate and pronounce all parts of each word clearly to prevent your brain from lagging behind your mouth.1

Take breath pauses while talking to calm down and speak more clearly.

Pausing for a breath helps you calm down and speak more clearly.

one person who lived it

Don't try to force any stuttered word; pause, take a breath, try again, or use an alternative word.

Forcing it will make it worse.

one person who lived it

• Subtly pretend to type with your fingers in sync with syllables to maintain rhythm and reduce stuttering.1
• Avoid trying to fix stuttering by talking really fast, as this can lead to a new impediment of constantly speaking too fast.1

Speed up your speech if you are a slow speaker.

Frequent pauses can make it unclear that you intend to continue.

one person who lived it

• When speaking slowly, break up sentences only where you would naturally pause and avoid leaving huge gaps.1

Be cautious about what you say around others, as they may wait for the right moment to repeat it.

People will wait on your words until the moment comes to use them.

one person who lived it

Stop searching for the perfect thing to say and speak naturally instead.

Looking for 'the right thing to say' causes tongue-tied hesitation due to fear of saying the wrong thing.

one person who lived it

Before speaking, ask if your words are true, kind, and necessary; proceed only if at least two of these apply.

4 people, independently

• Before speaking, ask yourself if your words are true, necessary, and kind.11
• Before speaking, ask yourself if your words truly contribute to the conversation or are necessary.14
• Use the THINK acronym (True, Helpful, Inspirational/Interesting/Inquiring/Nice, Necessary, Kind) to work out whether to speak.11

Take small pauses between sentences to let the listener process what you are saying.

It allows both speaker and listener time to process information and makes you more understandable.

4 people, independently

• Pause instead of using filler words after significant statements, when processing information, or before answering difficult questions.4

Speak slower and evenly, and pause for more than a second before replying to demonstrate active listening.

Answering too quickly can make people think you are not genuine or listening.

one person who lived it

Hold your tongue until you are certain the other person has finished speaking.

• It can be tough.

5 people, independently

• Calmly and assertively state that you were not finished speaking, then continue your thought.7

Slow down your speech when storytelling isn't appropriate.

Slowing down makes a huge difference and people tend to respect you for it.

one person who lived it

Record yourself speaking on video.

You will notice your filler words and they will become more noticeable to you.

one person who lived it

• Read a transcription of your own speech to see how glaring your filler words are.1
• Record yourself speaking and listen back to identify filler usage and judge pause length.2
• Record yourself practicing speeches and listen to the playback to identify filler words (like 'umm') and areas for improvement.2

Fidget with your hands or use a fidget toy like an infinity cube during conversations to cope with the urge to interrupt.

Doing something with your hands is helpful to avoid interruption when a story or idea comes to you.

• Based on personal experience.

one person who lived it

• Use fidget toys to occupy your hands and brain during conversations to reduce the impulse to fill silence with oversharing.1

Loudly say 'please let me finish,' complete your thought, and then explicitly ask them to stop interrupting you every time you speak.

For people with ADHD, this breaks the compulsion to talk.

one person who lived it

Pause and say you forgot what you were saying to highlight the interruption.

Interrupters often feel horrible afterward.

• Some argue this is passive and allows constant speaking over.

one person who lived it

Use non-verbal communication such as body language, hand gestures, and mime to supplement meaning when verbal explanations fail.

Gestures and pantomime reinforce what you are saying and help fill gaps, making things click faster for listeners.

5 people, independently

Get comfortable thinking something without saying it, as the first thought is often emotionally raw or irrelevant, and holding back allows time to observe the situation.

It saves time, reduces stress, and allows you to observe both sides before responding.

• Overthinking everything can lead to boring and sterile conversations in casual settings.

one person who lived it

Fake a stammer at the beginning of sentences to force listeners to empathize and try harder to understand you.

This forces empathy and makes them try harder if you are worried about judgment.

• Don't be too obvious about it.

one person who lived it

Learn to bite your tongue if you are an impulsive speaker.

It has helped one person who identifies as an impulsive speaker.

one person who lived it

Practice breathing through pauses and lulls in conversation until they feel natural.

They may feel awkward at first, but with practice you realize they are just small snippets.

one person who lived it

Slow down your speech to create a pause that allows you to catch and stop automatic apologies.

Talking fast often leads to saying sorry quickly without thinking.

one person who lived it

Use complex words sparingly as garnish rather than the main focus of your speech.

Using big words just to sound smart can make you seem elitist and turn people off.

one person who lived it

Use neutral standby responses like 'What? Oh.' to buy time to collect your thoughts without making the speaker feel they must respond.

It gives you more time to collect your thoughts.

one person who lived it

Develop your thoughts and elevate your mind to refine your communication.

Your speech reflects the quality of your thinking.

one person who lived it

Breathe and slow down when speaking.

It helps you focus and reduces frantic energy and anxiousness.

one person who lived it

• Slow down your speech and take pauses when excited.1
• Breathe consciously and make a deliberate effort to speak slowly while minding every word.4

Allow the person to vent without interruption, as speaking thoughts out loud can help them realize what to do.

Talking about a problem helps solve it; shaking out emotions allows for clearer seeing of the situation.

2 people, independently

Review your typed or written messages for clarity and remove filler words to refine your speech.

The way you write directly reflects and affects the way you speak.

one person who lived it

• Eliminate filler words like 'um,' 'ah,' and 'you know' to communicate more succinctly.10

Say something, even if it is awkward or dumb, to break the freeze response when caught off guard.

Reacting helps build the habit of responding, eventually making you smoother over time.

one person who lived it

Slow down your presentation pace even if you feel comfortable doing so.

Your audience needs time to process the information.

one person who lived it

Pause briefly before repeating yourself when someone asks for clarification, rather than staring at them.

Listeners may be distracted or neurodivergent, often processing information during that brief pause.

• Do not stare at them while waiting, as you might accidentally pull an 'are you stupid' face.

3 people, independently

• Wait 3-5 seconds after someone speaks before asking for clarification.1

Ask the speaker to leave gaps between words or speak in a staccato manner.

Spacing helps because conversational speech often lacks pauses between words.

2 people, independently

Stop listening to your own voice while speaking to prevent stuttering and combined words.

Listening to what comes out of your mouth instead of focusing on the next words causes weird sounds or stutters.

one person who lived it

Keep calm and avoid fidgeting or shifting around while pausing to think.

So you don't look frantic or scrambling.

one person who lived it

Allow quiet people to speak fully in group settings without talking over them.

Quiet people often get talked over, which is disheartening and discourages them from speaking up.

2 people, independently

Treat conversation pauses as natural free time to recap or let your mind wander until something pops up.

Brains tend to not like boredom.

one person who lived it

Dehabit yourself from talking fast by speaking slowly and not worrying about whether others will wait.

Others will wait.

one person who lived it

Prepare several questions for conversations or interviews to give yourself time to collect thoughts.

Having others talk gives you time to collect your thoughts, breathe, and slow down.

one person who lived it

Use non-verbal cues like putting your hand on your chin or using delaying phrases to signal you are thinking during pauses.

It shows you are thinking about what was said and prevents awkward silence.

2 people, independently

Pause mid-story if you blank out to organize your thoughts and remember the rest of the story.

Pausing helps the listener catch up and gives you time to organize your thoughts.

one person who lived it

Stop rehearsing sentences in your head before speaking to maintain conversational flow.

The pause while you prepare kills the flow.

one person who lived it

Monitor your breathing while speaking to check if holding your breath or forcing words causes stuttering.

One person found they stuttered because nervousness caused them to stop breathing and force words out.

one person who lived it

Record yourself speaking and listen back to identify things you think but do not say aloud.

There may be discrepancies between internal thoughts and spoken words.

one person who lived it

Practice mindfulness meditation to slow your mind, and take deep breaths during conversations to catch yourself before blurting out thoughts.

Mindfulness helps slow the mind, while deep breaths reduce nervousness and help you stay in the moment.

one person who lived it

Acknowledge a stutter directly by making a joke or pausing before restarting.

The crowd can normally tell if you are nervous.

one person who lived it

Casually feign hearing difficulties by asking the speaker to speak more slowly, louder, or clearer.

This prompts mumblers to speak up, rushers to slow down, and interrupters to add context.

one person who lived it

Do breathing exercises four times a day.

It calms you down and prevents panic-induced fast talking caused by insufficient inhalation.

one person who lived it

Own your awkwardness and speak naturally, even if it feels like babbling, rather than forcing perfect coherence.

She might find your natural speech funny.

one person who lived it

Simplify your writing to clarify your thinking and speech.

Writing style reflects thought processes; convoluted writing leads to hard-to-follow thoughts and speech.

one person who lived it

Condense long explanations into one or two sentences to make speech smoother and less prone to stumbling.

Breaking down long iterations into fewer sentences may help words come out smoother.

one person who lived it

Sit in awkward pauses instead of rushing to fill them.

The other person usually likes to fill the quietness.

one person who lived it

Force yourself to slow down when recording video voiceovers, even if it feels too slow.

Slowing down increases video quality and keeps the audience focused.

one person who lived it

Avoid rapid-fire speaking or interrupting quiet people.

It can be overwhelming and intimidating for those who need time to process.

one person who lived it

Accept that stress, busyness, or tiredness can reduce processing speed and cause speech errors.

Processing speed is not as good when you have more on your plate due to stress, busyness, or tiredness.

one person who lived it

Pause before answering to allow your brain time to organize thoughts, preventing messy responses caused by rushing.

Answering too fast results in messy thoughts because the brain hasn't had time to organize them.

one person who lived it

Get comfortable with silence to give others space to process or choose their words.

Silence has power and prevents you from being manipulated into revealing information that could be used against you.

one person who lived it

Take a full year of silence regarding unsolicited opinions to reset your conversational habits.

No one's comprehension will suffer from missing your off-the-cuff comments.

one person who lived it

Think through your story before saying it aloud to iron out mistakes beforehand.

Pre-planning allows you to fix errors before they happen in real-time speech.

one person who lived it

Remain silent when it is the best response, particularly in disputes or awkward silences.

Speaking may make you look foolish in retrospect or make the situation worse.

one person who lived it

Be patient and give non-native speakers time to think and formulate their thoughts without interrupting or finishing their sentences.

People need time to grasp subtleties and figure out expression themselves.

one person who lived it

Speak articulately and intelligently when you do speak, even if you are generally quiet.

Being quiet but articulate conveys an attitude that does not care what people think.

one person who lived it

Rephrase sentences by changing the structure and swapping in synonyms rather than just slowing down or repeating the exact same words.

Slowing down and repeating the exact sentence is often unhelpful, whereas changing structure and synonyms can make meaning click.

2 people, independently

Use body language, such as drawing a sharp breath or grabbing a jacket, to signal you want to speak or leave without interrupting verbally.

To indicate you want to speak so they will wrap up, or to signal you need to leave

one person who lived it

Increase verbal socializing to prevent language skills from deteriorating due to disuse.

Language is a skill that can be lost; one person noted their vocabulary declined and stuttering increased after five years of only messaging.

one person who lived it

Avoid ending sentences with trailing sounds like 'soooo...' or 'like..yea'.

They are extremely irritating.

one person who lived it

Speak slower and enunciate clearly to avoid defaulting to a primary language when speaking multiple languages.

It helps prevent switching to defaults and allows you to stick to the chosen language based on the listener.

one person who lived it

Read slowly and mindfully, focusing on every word and visualizing the content.

It helps you start associating words with meaning.

one person who lived it

Balance self-awareness with spontaneity; pause and think when you sense you are about to say something inappropriate.

Too much self-awareness makes you robotic, while too much spontaneity can make you look foolish.

one person who lived it

If you choke up while recording, say the next word clearly and delete the pause in editing rather than trying to smooth it over verbally.

It allows you to easily assemble various segments together.

one person who lived it

Reduce your speaking volume; ensure every word you use is valuable. Value substance over frequency.

5 people, independently

Relax and stop overthinking your speech to prevent feeling stupid and causing slip-ups.

Overthinking causes the negative feelings and errors.

one person who lived it

Trim unnecessary content from your speech and rehearse extensively to avoid stumbling over words.

So you aren't stumbling over your words.

one person who lived it

• Practice speaking without filler words by freestyling, rewarding yourself for success to instill the habit early.1

Speak slowly, control your breathing, and use pauses at punctuation marks to separate thoughts and emphasize points.

3 people, independently

Say what comes to mind but monitor your words carefully.

Over time, this makes communication easier.

one person who lived it

Frame sentences by stating your main point, adding relevant context, reiterating the main point, and then pausing.

One person reported this shifted them from being sidelined to having listeners focus on them during meetings.

one person who lived it

Use filler sounds like 'mhmm' during pauses to gauge if the speaker is finished, as people generally do not consider this an interruption.

It helps feel things out better without being seen as interrupting.

one person who lived it

Avoid using filler words like 'like' in every sentence, especially in professional contexts like podcasting.

It wastes time and reduces clarity.

one person who lived it

Speak slowly, take deep diaphragmatic breaths with longer exhales than inhales, and use deliberate pauses to calm your nervous system and reduce adrenaline.

Slow breathing and deeper breaths calm you, reduce or disable the release of adrenaline (the 'fight or flight' reaction), and help stop rapid anxious thoughts.

one person who lived it

Avoid using repetitive pause words like 'uhm' or 'like' to avoid appearing less smart or educated.

Using these words commonly makes someone come across as not very smart or educated.

one person who lived it

Use pauses strategically to allow for questions, take breaths, or make points more impactful.

It can come across as a confident and charismatic trait.

one person who lived it

Pause briefly to think before speaking; this often appears thoughtful rather than frustrating.

Pausing can come across as considered instead of causing frustration.

one person who lived it

If someone does not understand a word, try using a different word instead of just speaking slower.

People may be taught specific words that are not standard daily language, so substituting the word often leads to understanding.

one person who lived it

Pause for a long moment after quoting the exact events of a turning point to build listener anticipation.

It builds excitement and anticipation from the listener's end.

one person who lived it

Adopt a persona of nodding sagely instead of speaking when unsure to reduce saying stupid things.

It works to reduce blabbering.

one person who lived it

Hold up your hand or finger as a gesture to indicate you are not finished speaking.

7 people, independently

Identify and eliminate personal verbal tics by actively listening to yourself speak.

It is not difficult to pick out filler words once you are actually listening for them.

one person who lived it

Pause for a second when you feel the urge to keep talking after receiving positive feedback.

Self-awareness helps manage social interactions, and most people are forgiving.

one person who lived it

If you cannot remember a minor detail while speaking, confidently invent it rather than stalling, as listeners lose interest in the delay.

Listeners lose interest and care less about specific minor details like which aunt was involved.

one person who lived it

Write down your feelings first if expressing them verbally feels awkward and uncomfortable.

Expressing feelings verbally can be awkward and uncomfortable.

one person who lived it

Slow down your response time in conversations to reduce the appearance of over-excitement or excessive bubbliness.

One person found that slowing down helped address cringe stemming from over-excitement and bubbliness.

one person who lived it

Avoid sharing ideas with others until you completely understand them yourself.

Struggles with articulation may stem from sharing incomplete ideas rather than a lack of spontaneous skill.

one person who lived it

Focus on precision and over-enunciation in your speech.

Speaking is about precision.

2 people, independently

Focus on your breathing rhythm while speaking until it returns to a natural pattern.

People often breathe incorrectly when speaking, which affects concentration.

one person who lived it

Focus on the other person during conversation to reduce overthinking and ease communication.

Overthinking slows you down.

2 people, independently

Abandon the need for perfect wording in speech to ensure fluid communication.

Perfectionism is a self-imposed barrier that results in worse communication outcomes.

one person who lived it

Use body language to emphasize that you need the speaker to repeat themselves clearly.

It helps them understand you only need clarity, not necessarily a full repetition.

one person who lived it

Identify specific cues or settings that trigger stuttering by practicing in various environments.

Stuttering is often triggered by nervousness, sleep deprivation, stress, or excitement.

one person who lived it

Slow down and speak more deliberately to prevent releasing spittle.

Spittle is usually released only when talking animatedly.

one person who lived it

Relax and avoid overthinking to reduce the social pressure that blocks articulation.

Social pressure causes inability to articulate thought; perpetuating thoughts of failure leads to screwing up.

one person who lived it

Start speaking with any words immediately to enter a flow state rather than waiting and overanalyzing.

Waiting too long leads to overanalysis and paralysis.

one person who lived it

Practice listening without formulating a reply, accepting that random thoughts often become irrelevant.

Random thoughts usually aren't important and often become irrelevant when you hold onto them.

one person who lived it

If listeners are not understanding you, slow down, simplify sentences, and avoid using phrasal verbs excessively.

Phrasal verbs must be learned individually; simplifying gives listeners the opportunity to comprehend crucial words and context instead of getting stuck in a jumble.

one person who lived it

Rely on life experience to understand your personality and social boundaries until you instinctively stop oversharing before speaking.

Understanding your personality and knowing social boundaries allows you to eventually fix the habit by stopping your brain before the words come out.

one person who lived it

Wait and listen before responding to avoid nervous, quick talking.

Waiting leads to better-received, democratic communication compared to nervous talking.

one person who lived it

Stop overthinking your responses to avoid saying nothing at all.

Overthinking leads to silence or inauthenticity.

one person who lived it

Exercise to redirect excess energy into something constructive.

It helps control impulsive speech and behavior associated with having a lot of energy.

one person who lived it

Recover from a verbal slip by quickly pivoting to a correct or relevant statement, similar to improvisational music.

Playing the correct note quickly after a bad one gives the illusion that the bad note was intentional.

one person who lived it

Reframe pauses as processing time needed to consider information carefully rather than a sign of being slow or unintelligent.

one person who lived it

Accept that you cannot control how others react to your kindness or eye contact, and continue with your day regardless.

We can't read others' minds or know their thoughts.

one person who lived it

Address your inner voice with the same kindness you would show a dear friend or your younger self; never use harsh words that you would not direct at someone you care about.

5 people, independently

Help people grow rather than treating them as 'dicks', since most are unaware they are acting poorly.

Most people labeled as 'dicks' are not aware of their behavior.

one person who lived it

Accept rejection as normal, learn from mistakes, and move on without fear.

You will get rejected most of the time, but sometimes you’ll get through and it’ll be worth it.

one person who lived it

Do not dwell on awkward social moments or see them as more scathing than they truly are.

Socially adept people do not avoid awkward situations; they just do not dwell on them.

one person who lived it

Reframe being laughed at by strangers as having successfully made them laugh, rather than being mocked.

We made them laugh.

one person who lived it

Focus on your feelings over the fear of bothering others and be willing to be annoying to learn through trial and error.

If you don't, you will get stuck being too self-conscious and never get anywhere.

one person who lived it

Instead of thinking you don't know how to talk to a whole class or type of person, focus on the fact that you just don't know how to talk to that specific person right now.

Thinking everyone of a certain type is someone you can't talk to is defeatist.

one person who lived it

Fix the root cause by becoming genuinely kind rather than just learning to act kindly.

The mouth speaks what the mind decides.

one person who lived it

Value dissenters as they often point out real issues you are avoiding, more frequently than agreement does.

Dissenters are right or pointing at something real more often than those who agree, and often highlight things you were avoiding looking at.

one person who lived it

Do not fake interest in others.

People can detect faked interest from a great distance.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself that the desire to give unsolicited advice often stems from your own discomfort rather than the other person's needs.

You may be trying to stop them from feeling bad so you don't feel bad yourself.

2 people, independently

Accept that it is okay not to know everything and take learning at your own pace.

Relaxing allows you to learn without pressure.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself that most people are worried about what others think of them, not you, so you can relax.

They aren't thinking about you

one person who lived it

• Acknowledge that others rarely dwell on your actions as intensely as you do.21

Distance yourself from people who criticize your quietness and seek friends who appreciate you.

It is better to lose such people than to have them in your life.

one person who lived it

Accept that striking out is part of honing the skill, similar to how Babe Ruth was both the king of home runs and strikeouts.

Home runs and strikeouts go hand-in-hand.

one person who lived it

Discuss major life decisions with close friends and trusted people.

If you do not look for better ways, you will not find them.

one person who lived it

Inform friends that your voice and face may not match your moods due to autism, asking them not to take it personally.

Friends often warm up once they realize it is normal for you.

one person who lived it

Say crazy or stupid things to people you know to learn that they do not judge you harshly.

You will eventually realize they do not care most of the time.

one person who lived it

Do not label a quiet person's demeanor as 'awkward,' as this creates awkwardness.

Those who do not talk a lot do not feel awkward at all.

one person who lived it

Do not ask quiet people why they are quiet.

It implies that being quiet is a flaw or issue.

one person who lived it

Lower your effort level to a '3/10 best' to save energy while likely remaining funnier than most.

You will save your energy.

one person who lived it

Build a reputation as a well-liked, friendly person before using playful teasing.

Being well-liked is key to the success of most jokes and teasing.

one person who lived it

Accept that discovering you were wrong leads to progress.

The greatest progress comes from learning when you are sure you knew something and later discover you were wrong.

one person who lived it

View girls as boys with slightly different anatomy rather than an alien species to reduce fear.

Fear often stems from nobody telling you they are just like you.

one person who lived it

Keep your mouth shut when feedback is not wanted.

There is value in silence, and unsolicited advice often does more harm than good.

one person who lived it

Accept that misunderstandings and negative reactions will happen regardless of your good intentions, and choose not to worry about them.

It happens to everyone no matter how good their intentions are.

• Some people have hate in their hearts and should be ignored.

one person who lived it

Show support rather than acting condescending or talking down to those less knowledgeable in your field.

They may be eager to learn, and your attitude could discourage them from continuing their education on the topic.

3 people, independently

Never take customer comments personally and leave work stress behind when you end your shift to stay sane.

Dwelling on it or taking it home prevents you from staying sane.

one person who lived it

Compliment things a person is in control of, such as choices in style or effort, rather than genetic traits.

• As someone with low self-esteem regarding my body, I appreciate sincere compliments about my eyes or smile much more than my outfit or haircut

7 people, independently

Avoid sharing negative details about yourself with people who do not know you well.

Those details tend to get exaggerated before they have a chance to know the real you.

2 people, independently

Avoid arguing with people who hold nonsensical opinions or refuse to engage in good faith.

They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

• Be cautious if such individuals reach positions of power and turn those opinions into laws.

one person who lived it

• Avoid engaging in debates with people who are fanatical, too emotionally invested, or do not know how to argue constructively.1

Stop engaging with people who use arguments solely to boost their ego.

They are using you to boost their ego.

one person who lived it

Do not try to guess what people are thinking; communicate openly instead.

Trying to read minds usually does not work.

one person who lived it

Stop confiding in friends who respond to your problems by bragging about their superior situation.

They may be jealous haters, and there is no point if they make you feel worse.

one person who lived it

If someone is ignorant on a topic, refrain from mocking them; spend the effort instructing them instead.

Humiliation makes people shut down and withdraw, while a helpful tone keeps them feeling positive and involved in the lesson.

3 people, independently

When meeting unfamiliar people, assume you are the least knowledgeable person in the room to maintain humility and openness.

Assume others have a lot to teach you.

• Do not act as though you are the stupidest; simply assume others are not dumber than you.

one person who lived it

• Seek to learn rather than judge when interacting with others.2

When correcting others, avoid being rude; when corrected, thank the person and learn from it regardless of their tone.

Most people do not correct to help but to feel superior.

one person who lived it

Keep in mind that people who discuss others behind their backs will likely do the same about you when you are absent.

8 people, independently

Stop apologizing for stuttering; others are eager to ignore it and move on.

People around you want to carry on as much as you do.

one person who lived it

Stay out of family squabbles unless something serious happens, as siding with one person betrays the other.

Feelings get hurt.

• Unless something serious happens.

one person who lived it

Consider advice from those who have failed or experienced negative outcomes, as they understand the pitfalls best.

They know what led them to their situation and can advise on how to avoid walking in their shoes.

one person who lived it

Accept that you will not form substantial connections with everyone you meet.

It is quite normal.

one person who lived it

• Accept that when meeting new people, some will like you, some will not, and some will be indifferent.1

Aim to convince observers that you are right, rather than trying to change the mind of the person you are arguing with.

A level-headed approach impresses onlookers and shows you aren't crazy.

2 people, independently

• Focus on persuading the audience or third parties rather than the direct opponent, as debates are often spectator sports.3

Be yourself and do not pretend to like things you do not like, such as pretending to enjoy pop music if you do not, to avoid attracting someone who is not right for you.

Pretending to like certain things might attract someone that isn't right for you.

one person who lived it

• Be yourself rather than pretending to be someone else to gain approval.2

Think about how you would feel in the other person's shoes before speaking.

5 people, independently

Ask yourself if a statement or joke will make a positive difference in two or three days; if not, understand its futility and stop saying it.

This question helps you understand the futility of your statements or jokes.

one person who lived it

Do not say anything to anyone that you would not feel safe saying to Dwayne Johnson.

If you say something you're afraid to say to him, you should reexamine your personality.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself that what others think of you is none of your business.

To detach from external judgment.

one person who lived it

Take direct responsibility for errors and offer a sincere apology without offering justifications.

Others tend to value people who acknowledge their faults instead of attempting to evade them or deflect fault.

• Trying to reframe mistakes with gratitude can make you appear manipulative and unwilling to take responsibility.

4 people, independently

• Acknowledge your mistakes and apologize to others.2

Stop caring about whether people find you boring or weird; say what you have to say and accept the outcome.

The liberation of not overthinking others' opinions is amazing.

one person who lived it

If you are a 'fixer' by nature, explicitly tell others that you are problem-solving when you share your own struggles.

This lets others know not to expect just listening.

one person who lived it

Listen to why others hold their views to understand them, instead of trying to change their minds.

3 people, independently

• Listen to the other person's side of the story to understand their perspective, even if you disagree.1
• Stay receptive to others' views and recognize the reasoning behind them, even when you maintain your own position.5
• Listen to differing opinions by recognizing they stem from life experience and a different worldview, not intelligence.1

Act confident and relax, recognizing that others rarely notice your speech flaws.

Most people do not notice others' flaws as much as you think they do.

one person who lived it

If you do not know an answer, state that you will find out and follow through on the commitment to provide the information later.

Failing to follow through builds a shady character by creating a disconnect between what you say and what you do.

2 people, independently

Try to please people by focusing on making them happy.

It makes it less likely you will do something stupid.

one person who lived it

Stop trying to please everyone, including strangers online and in real life, because you cannot satisfy all opinions.

You can't please everyone.

one person who lived it

• Accept that you cannot please everyone regardless of whether you hold back or speak up.1

Do not exploit communal resources beyond unwritten rules, such as taking multiple cases, as it may lead to the resource being removed for everyone.

A few people taking extra items can ruin it for everyone else.

one person who lived it

Treat the person you like as you would treat a male friend to feel more relaxed and avoid overthinking.

Expecting less and treating them like a friend you get along with reduces pressure.

one person who lived it

Debate to educate yourself on the other person's position and how they arrived at it, rather than trying to change their mind.

It widens your understanding and perspective.

one person who lived it

Be assertive and set boundaries to build confidence and prevent being used.

Knowing you can take care of yourself and that nobody will use you again increases confidence.

one person who lived it

Recognize that lack of response does not equal judgment of intelligence.

People may laugh but not respond because they do not have a funny answer, or simply did not spark a response.

one person who lived it

If you sense a lack of romantic interest, do not push further to avoid pushing the other person away.

Pushing it will push them away.

one person who lived it

Recognize that parents may withhold teaching if they react negatively to initial mistakes.

Parents got upset when chores were done wrong the first time.

• One person's personal experience.

one person who lived it

Share personal vulnerabilities to help shy people feel safe enough to open up.

Seeing someone else share openly makes a person feel it is safe for them to do so too.

one person who lived it

Describe a friend's strengths in the third person to help them hear it objectively.

It bypasses the inner critic.

one person who lived it

Ensure you do something enjoyable by yourself each day.

Spending too much time around friends can lead to irritation.

one person who lived it

Avoid correcting people on minor details that do not really matter.

It can be annoying and frustrating for them.

one person who lived it

Accept that not everyone will like you and that you are not perfect.

It is liberating, and many people already understand you aren't perfect socially.

one person who lived it

Do not conflate knowledge with intelligence; lacking knowledge does not make someone stupid.

You were not stupid before you learned what you now know.

one person who lived it

Go for a long walk before speaking when angry, and never speak in anger.

One person reported always regretting what they said in anger.

one person who lived it

Be wary of becoming the 'agony aunt' who is expected to always listen.

Others may stop caring about you or your needs in kind.

one person who lived it

Do not feel superior or upset when someone asks a question that seems obvious to you.

Your strong grasp of the answer indicates you are well-informed, not that the other person is stupid.

one person who lived it

In tech support, do not believe that a user has tried the steps they claim to have completed.

People will lie about trivial things so they do not look stupid.

one person who lived it

Give people attention, but do not go overboard.

They will like that.

one person who lived it

Show that you are not pushy.

Sometimes it is nice.

one person who lived it

Learn to live with unwanted appearance comments, as it gets easier with time.

Most things in life get easier with time.

one person who lived it

Behave as though you don't know anything, recognizing that what you think you know may be wrong or outdated.

You may need to re-learn things because previous knowledge was incorrect or obsolete.

one person who lived it

Recognize that if others seem tense, they may be nervous about messing up as well.

Realizing you are not the only one usually makes things easier.

one person who lived it

• Shift your perspective by considering that others in the room may also be nervous, just like you.1

Recognize that being quiet is not a problem; if you were told otherwise, view your acceptance of your own nature as a personal victory.

Being quiet does not inherently indicate a problem, and accepting this can be a tremendous victory.

• This is based on one person's experience with teachers who criticized their silence.

one person who lived it

If you know you will likely never see the people again, let go of worries and be your authentic self to have fun.

The knowledge that you won't see them again makes it easier to let loose; being genuine company was appreciated by someone I met this way.

one person who lived it

Affirm your own actions and recognize your own value rather than relying solely on external opinions.

7 people, independently

• Establish your own standards and act by them, pursuing goals so that your validation comes from yourself.3

Allow others to underestimate you rather than trying to prove them wrong.

Being underestimated is a great advantage; proving others wrong wastes time for both parties.

• Do not do this if your boss thinks you are stupid, as it may prevent promotion.

one person who lived it

Accept your natural communication style rather than forcing unnatural sharing to avoid seeming rude.

Close friends will know you better, and others' judgments are their loss.

• Some people may perceive you as standoffish.

one person who lived it

Listen when a verified expert suggests a different approach than your initial request, but treat their guidance as a starting point rather than absolute truth.

Personal stubbornness can lead to disaster, and experts may know more about the field.

• Verify the person is actually an expert and not talking nonsense.
• Do some research to ensure they aren't gouging you or offering unnecessary services.

one person who lived it

Stop trying to convince someone who is unwilling to change their mind, as they will remain of the same opinion.

4 people, independently

Focus on setting an example by listening respectfully and giving others base respect, rather than worrying about whether others are listening to you.

You can only control your own actions; how much someone else listens is out of your circle of influence.

one person who lived it

Act like a good person, avoid being pushy, and pay attention to social cues.

Many women are cautious due to safety concerns.

one person who lived it

Stop analyzing ambiguous comments from strangers who are non-entities in your life.

Focusing on them lets them get under your skin.

one person who lived it

Take the shot and text someone you connected with, accepting that rejection is statistically insignificant.

You miss every shot you don't take, and a small percentage of people rejecting you does not matter given the billions of people on the planet.

one person who lived it

Do not ask questions if you cannot handle the potential negative answer.

Breaking this rule even once may prevent you from getting honest answers in the future.

one person who lived it

Do not pretend to know something you don't, as it makes you look insecure and dismissive rather than smart.

Pretending looks like an attempt to one-up others and dismiss their knowledge to make yourself feel better.

one person who lived it

Lean into your sense of humor to attract people who share it.

It helps filter for compatibility rather than trying to appeal to everyone.

one person who lived it

Do not label teenage girls as snooty; instead, engage with them directly or leave them alone.

Labeling them as snooty does not build confidence.

one person who lived it

Tell friends how you feel when they turn conversations back on themselves, as they may be unaware of the behavior.

People are often completely unaware that they do this.

one person who lived it

Be authentic to help others feel safe being themselves.

It encourages them to open up and be themselves too.

one person who lived it

Detach from negative interactions with toxic people by walking away instead of trying to convince them they are wrong.

Detaching allows you to be the mature one; good people may come around, but others won't.

one person who lived it

Make boundary-setting about your own limits rather than the other person's behavior.

This allows you to be fair to yourself.

one person who lived it

Consider that being the target of a joke may mean you are simply the safest person for someone to push back on, not that you did something wrong.

The person may have found the joking annoying but felt comfortable enough with you to express it because of your relationship.

one person who lived it

Adopt saying 'I don't know enough to have an opinion' as a practice, which could solve 99% of earth problems if widely used.

one person who lived it

Gain experience by messing up and getting rejected, as theoretical knowledge is insufficient.

You will learn through the process.

one person who lived it

Instead of thinking 'I get to teach!', think 'this person wants to learn'.

one person who lived it

Shift your internal question from 'Will they like me?' to 'I wonder what they are like?' when interacting with others.

one person who lived it

Admit when you do not know something and promise to find out, rather than relying on confidence to mask being wrong.

Confidence can make people trust you even if you are wrong, but admitting uncertainty is preferable.

one person who lived it

Avoid speaking negatively about someone unless necessary to warn others, as you may cross paths again and it will damage trust.

There is a chance you will come back into each other's lives, and it would be awkward and a blow to trust if they found out you spilled their secrets or made fun of them.

one person who lived it

Attribute negative actions to stupidity or incompetence rather than malice to reduce personal stress.

Most people causing trouble are often just making poor decisions due to ignorance, apathy, or lack of empathy, rather than intending harm; this perspective saves you from unnecessary stress.

• Malice and stupidity can work together.
• There are people who genuinely possess ill will or want to cause harm.

2 people, independently

Accept that being labeled 'quiet' may carry no prestige in overly extroverted cultures like the US.

The label can be seen as a black mark, though it is not insurmountable.

one person who lived it

Never bring up stereotypes about a group to a member of that group, whether implying they fit or defy the stereotype.

Stereotypes are a poor starting point for getting to know a person.

one person who lived it

Act genuine and ignore parental judgment about social skills if you know you are socially competent elsewhere.

Their opinion is going to be inaccurate.

• if you want to change their opinion, act normal and genuine

one person who lived it

Before engaging in a dispute, determine if the exchange is worth your time.

7 people, independently

Accept that others' discomfort with silence is their problem, not yours.

6 people, independently

Ignore repeated bad jokes and focus on yourself, as the awkwardness is the teller's problem.

You matter more.

one person who lived it

Demonstrate extreme competence and a track record of solving problems to earn genuine respect.

People will respect you.

one person who lived it

Accept that you cannot change other people's behavior and deal with the situation as it is.

You cannot change other people's behavior.

one person who lived it

Be skeptical of advice that justifies the giver's past life decisions, but listen closely when someone warns you not to make the same mistake they did.

People often give advice to justify their own actions.

one person who lived it

Treat girls as true platonic friends to overcome self-consciousness and recognize they are not an alien species.

You will quickly learn that girls aren't entirely some alien specie.

one person who lived it

Be mindful of who you share information with.

Being an open book has disadvantages.

one person who lived it

Think of the interaction as offering rather than selling, and do not take rejection personally since interest may change later.

People might not be interested today but could be when circumstances change.

one person who lived it

Be careful not to get upset about every joke, as this can lead others to exclude you from social activities like drinking.

People may choose not to spend time with you if you are seen as difficult, especially if the behavior starts when you are drinking.

one person who lived it

Take notice of when awkward interactions happen and identify patterns in these interactions.

This allows you to be aware of the issue and work on it.

one person who lived it

Thank people who bring difficult issues to your attention if the issue was not under their control, rather than getting upset.

This approach allowed one person to resolve an issue before it became major.

one person who lived it

Focus on how your message is received rather than solely on your honest intentions.

Messages are not always taken as intended.

one person who lived it

Avoid forcing yourself to say things just to be interesting; be yourself and let the right people come to you.

2 people, independently

Avoid siding with the person being complained about when someone vents, as this shifts their anger toward you.

Siding with the opposition makes the venting person shift all their anger over to you.

one person who lived it

Practice tact instead of brutal honesty; you do not need to say everything you think.

Those who pride themselves on brutal honesty are often more interested in being brutal than honest.

2 people, independently

Build trust by being honest, keeping confidences, and not talking about friends behind their backs.

Then trust comes naturally.

one person who lived it

Do not speak negatively about anyone unless you are willing for them to hear it, because you never know who is listening.

Gossip often returns to harm the speaker later.

one person who lived it

Drop jokes that don't work and move on immediately, as repeating them seems unhinged.

People typically don't laugh because the joke isn't funny.

one person who lived it

Look away when someone is sharing rough or emotional content to make them feel less threatened and less on-the-spot.

It reduces the feeling of being threatened or scrutinized.

one person who lived it

Stop playing devil's advocate with partners or friends.

It is exhausting and can undermine or kill relationships.

one person who lived it

Do not waste time trying to change someone's mind if they are only interested in enforcing their ideas on others.

For many, the 'conversation' is just an excuse to enforce their ideas rather than a genuine exchange.

one person who lived it

Show compassion when people struggle with grammar or spelling, as English may not be their first language.

one person who lived it

Interpret criticism as a sign that the critic believes you have the capacity to improve and cares about your growth.

Criticism generally implies these two thoughts; those who truly dislike you will likely remain silent about your flaws.

one person who lived it

Keep shining your light and being supportive, trusting that internal reactions create waves that eventually come back around.

Sometimes there is no external reaction, but internal reactions can create waves.

one person who lived it

Do not let frustration or hatred lead you to assume someone is stupid; maintain rationality.

Hating someone does not make them stupid.

one person who lived it

Stop apologizing for your existence or ideas; speak with the confidence that your contributions have value.

Your ideas have value.

one person who lived it

If you dislike the company of certain people, spend less time with them; one person found that distancing themselves improved their life.

One person reported their life is much better after distancing themselves from such people.

one person who lived it

Get to know yourself thoroughly to reduce unknowns in your life.

Knowing yourself well builds trust through predictability.

one person who lived it

Recognize that some venters want logical solutions and advice rather than emotional validation.

They know they are frustrated but do not know how to solve the problem.

2 people, independently

Kick sarcasm out of your daily life and replace constant criticism with appreciation.

Constant criticism bums people out.

one person who lived it

Do not engage with nonsense; say 'I'm gonna pass on this conversation' and walk away.

Engagement changes nothing.

one person who lived it

Accept that you will mess up sometimes and learn from those experiences rather than fearing failure.

Everyone messes up from time to time, and not every interaction will go great.

one person who lived it

Completely ignore people who have hurt you by treating them like strangers or giving them no attention at all.

No engagement provides no opportunity for them to twist your words.

one person who lived it

View women as people you want to get to know rather than elusive objects to chase, which removes vulnerability and nervousness.

Treating them as mystical beings to acquire prevents good communication.

one person who lived it

Adapt your communication style to your audience because different people react differently.

People are different.

3 people, independently

If a roommate conflict devolves into emotional drama rather than problem-solving, offer to move out to end the situation.

One person found that offering to move out was necessary when the conversation was about drama, not finding a solution.

• This approach may trigger an emotional storm from the other party regarding past conflicts.

one person who lived it

Choose jokes that your mother would find funny unless you are certain the recipient enjoys edgier humor.

It is safer to err on the side of caution when you do not know the other person's boundaries for sure.

one person who lived it

Do not follow rigid rules about how to appear genuine, as worrying about authenticity prevents you from being genuine.

Following rules to appear genuine makes you incapable of being genuine.

one person who lived it

Learn from everything, even advice you don't understand or agree with at the time.

Life is complicated, and you may learn staggering amounts years later from advice that initially seemed wrong.

one person who lived it

Listen to unsolicited advice even if you do not follow it, as it might be helpful.

One person reported that refusing to listen to advice led to their life progressively going to shit.

one person who lived it

Admit when you don't know something to demonstrate self-confidence and encourage others who also don't know to ask questions.

Admitting ignorance shows self-confidence and helps others who are afraid to ask.

one person who lived it

Do not assume your sarcasm is funny simply because you laugh at it; seek external feedback instead.

Self-laughter does not guarantee humor.

one person who lived it

• Stop using self-deprecating humor if it invites others to laugh at you rather than with you.1

Treat people asking seemingly obvious questions with kindness, as they may be new or verifying critical details.

Discouraging such questions breeds fear and leads to mistakes.

one person who lived it

Recognize that men may look for advice rather than emotional support due to cultural conditioning.

Men are taught that they should not need true emotional support.

one person who lived it

Continue interacting normally by smiling and greeting everyone after a social faux pas.

You will gain life experience and be less tone deaf in future employment.

one person who lived it

Before speaking honestly, determine if the truth is necessary; if it is not, keep it to yourself.

Sharing unimportant or petty thoughts that are not necessary is mean.

one person who lived it

Do not judge whether your communication behavior is appropriate based on the negative reactions of rude people.

Basing your judgment on what difficult people do is bad advice.

one person who lived it

Challenge automatic or superficial responses to probe for deeper issues.

Someone may put on a brave face while drowning beneath the surface.

one person who lived it

Release the need to hold a view on every occurrence, topic, or individual; it is fine if you do not care enough to form one.

3 people, independently

Recognize that workplace loudmouths often speak just to say something, without providing valuable insight.

They act like fake alphas who need to speak for the sake of speaking.

one person who lived it

Stop putting women on a pedestal; recognize them as people just like you.

one person who lived it

• Stop viewing attractive women as pedestal figures to worship; treat them as normal people who respond well to friendliness and kindness.1

Trust your gut and protect yourself rather than repeatedly expecting inclusion from those displaying polite racism.

Expecting acceptance blindly can be a spirit killer.

one person who lived it

Accept that you cannot entertain everyone and seek friendships with people who appreciate your natural openness rather than trying to change yourself.

best friendships are often with people who share similar traits

one person who lived it

Mirror the behavior of a constantly disagreeing person to help them see themselves.

The disagreements may disappear if they get a good sight of themselves.

one person who lived it

Accept that you do not have to be 'on' every day; ups and downs in social ability are just part of human life.

one person who lived it

Recognize that comparison is the thief of joy and that all pain and joy are relative.

one person who lived it

Simply agree with the person's frustrations.

Simple strategies sometimes work to help people move on.

one person who lived it

Remind armchair critics that they do not feel the heat of consequences because they are not living the situation.

Those in an 'air conditioned' position do not experience the consequences of the actions they critique.

one person who lived it

Do not pretend to have knowledge or interests you do not possess.

Enthusiasts can detect impostors, causing you to appear untrustworthy.

one person who lived it

Reframe nervousness as excitement by shifting your perspective.

It is just perspective.

one person who lived it

Ask questions rather than volunteering information, as people seek help but fear their words will be misinterpreted and cause them harm.

People do not want others to know things that could hurt them if misinterpreted.

one person who lived it

Choose to see the suffering and life history that led another person to their actions, using the lens of interbeing.

Everything is connected; seeing this context helps understand seemingly unreasonable actions.

one person who lived it

Look up information you do not know instead of actively choosing to remain ignorant.

Actively choosing never to look things up makes you stupid for not knowing them.

one person who lived it

Reframe attractive people by assuming they are not attracted to your gender or imagining they are a sibling or cousin.

This removes the expectation of having any chance with them.

one person who lived it

Recognize that if someone repeats themselves, they likely do not feel heard or acknowledged.

One person finds they repeat themselves when their point of view is not acknowledged or understood.

one person who lived it

Focus your efforts on helping people you care about, accepting that choosing to listen to misinformation is ultimately their choice.

Whether a person chooses to lead or be led is their decision.

one person who lived it

Argue thoughts but not feelings, as feelings are personal and not debatable.

one person who lived it

Be yourself and accept occasional embarrassment to avoid appearing fake.

Trying to be someone else is easily seen as fake; getting embarrassed a few times helps remove the fear of coming across as weird.

one person who lived it

Laugh at self-deprecating jokes to validate the humor, but ensure you are not the only one laughing.

The speaker is trying to be funny and needs validation.

one person who lived it

Focus on improving the emotional atmosphere over being logically right.

It matters more if your actions improve the vibes than if you are correct.

one person who lived it

Ask yourself if being right is more important than your marriage, and actively choose peace.

one person who lived it

Accept that stumbling is okay and dips are part of the process; don't shoot for a continuously rising graph.

one person who lived it

Focus on sending strong signals yourself before attempting to interpret weak signals from others.

People often send weak signals while believing they are sending strong ones; understanding this dynamic helps in communication.

one person who lived it

Accept that rejection from strangers is often inconsequential.

You will likely never encounter the person again if they do not like you.

one person who lived it

Correct misunderstandings about yourself rather than letting incorrect assumptions stand.

If you do not correct them, others will never know the truth.

one person who lived it

If you find saying a stranger's name annoying or creepy, recognize that this reaction is subjective and others may find it endearing.

Some people find it endearing because it shows the speaker gives a shit that they are an individual.

one person who lived it

Do not act surprised or incredulous when someone is unaware of something you are passionate about.

Acting incredulous is a pet peeve for many; it implies the other person should have known better.

one person who lived it

Assume everything is fine and that people will tell you if you are doing something wrong, unless they explicitly say otherwise.

This reduces the worry of misreading signs and relies on clear communication.

one person who lived it

Do not tell someone that a task they are proud of accomplishing is simple.

They likely struggled with it previously and are proud of overcoming that difficulty.

one person who lived it

Keep other people's business confidential even if they do not explicitly ask you to.

Respect yourself by treating others' information as you would want your own treated.

one person who lived it

Sprint out of earshot when the person approaches.

It is described as both hilarious and effective.

one person who lived it

Accept that there may not be a solution to every situation.

Bottling up emotions makes the situation worse even if no solution exists.

one person who lived it

Be aware that some people use self-deprecating humor to manipulate others into feeling sorry for them.

It can be a manipulative tactic.

one person who lived it

Explain that you get flustered because you like the specific person, rather than claiming all women make you flustered.

There is a difference between getting flustered around one person versus all women.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself that honesty is not rude and that you do not need to care if others get offended by your boundaries.

one person who lived it

Offer sympathy instead of advice or logical solutions when someone shares a problem.

They just want sympathy; trying to solve problems or 'always be positive' may not be well received.

one person who lived it

• Recognize that most people seeking 'advice' actually want support or validation, not solutions.1

Dismiss the thoughts and opinions of internet strangers as meaningless to reduce their emotional impact on you.

Internet strangers are just random people whose opinions do not matter.

one person who lived it

Practice social skills if you are attractive and shy, as this combination can be perceived as haughty or intimidating.

People may be intimidated by you, which is not your fault but is your responsibility to address.

one person who lived it

Recognize that people may default to ignoring strangers due to fear of sales pitches or begging, making a sincere compliment a positive breakthrough.

People often ignore strangers because they expect to be sold something or asked for money.

one person who lived it

Avoid forced positivity in interactions.

It is toxic and prevents people from connecting with who you really are.

one person who lived it

Overcome fear of rejection by taking chances and accepting that failure is part of the process.

4 people, independently

Reflect on what matters to you and your values, deciding what you do and do not like about yourself and vowing to improve the latter.

one person who lived it

Recognize that everyone has gaps in knowledge and avoid acting as if you know everything, especially in groups.

You are not always the only one who doesn't know something.

one person who lived it

Be honest with friends about gaps in slang knowledge or background differences to reduce social pressure.

Many friends are easygoing and understanding of different backgrounds.

one person who lived it

Set boundaries by excluding people who give 'maybe' responses from specific plans, particularly when resources like car space are limited.

It is setting boundaries, not being petty.

one person who lived it

Reframe irritating behavior by internally labeling it ridiculous to make it funny rather than annoying.

Recognizing the absurdity of a situation reduces irritation.

• Calling someone 'silly' directly may escalate the situation worse than calling them 'stupid'.

one person who lived it

Refrain from criticizing others' personal preferences, choices, or characteristics unless absolutely necessary.

Most people dislike being criticized and are similar to you in this regard; critical comments are rarely needed.

one person who lived it

Mind personal distance and avoid invading private space.

Most women frequently experience unwanted touching or having their space invaded.

one person who lived it

Do not make fun of someone for mispronouncing words if they use them correctly in context, recognizing they may have taught themselves by reading.

4 people, independently

End the association with someone who makes derogatory jokes about your appearance or abilities.

They are not a true friend.

one person who lived it

Be funny to amuse yourself or because you are funny, not to gain others' approval.

one person who lived it

One approach that helped: prefer guys who are slightly nervous and awkward over smooth-talking ones, as overconfidence can read as 'player'.

Sometimes overconfidence reads: player.

one person who lived it

Ignore online grifters who prey on insecurities; instead, talk to women exactly as you would talk to anyone else.

Online grifters exploit insecurities to take money.

one person who lived it

Reframe feedback as a positive tool for growth rather than something bad.

one person who lived it

Approach interactions without a 'hunting' or desperate intention to avoid appearing threatening or needy.

She won't regard you as a threat.

one person who lived it

Do not let the fear of others gossiping stop you from making a romantic move; if they react poorly immediately, they are not right for you.

People will talk regardless of your actions, and an immediate negative reaction indicates incompatibility.

one person who lived it

Do not dwell on conversations that fail.

Failed conversations happen frequently regardless of skill.

one person who lived it

Recognize that challenging someone's beliefs may cause them to become defensive and feel attacked, even if your intent is to share facts.

People often perceive explanations of differing views as personal attacks.

one person who lived it

• Critique a person's stance rather than attacking them personally to prevent defensiveness.1

Educate yourself on diverse cultures and experiences to cultivate humility and reduce condescension toward those with different strengths or weaknesses.

Understanding different perspectives helps prevent holding one's own view as superior.

one person who lived it

Reframe social mistakes as temporary embarrassment rather than permanent character flaws.

Being young and embarrassed is temporary, whereas being clueless is viewed as permanent; the choice of adjectives defines the moment.

one person who lived it

Stop regretting what you said and instead accept accountability for your mistakes.

Realizing you make mistakes and taking accountability is a huge milestone.

one person who lived it

Respect different cultures and value systems rather than expecting everyone to share your values.

Differences in values make people interesting and provide opportunities to learn.

one person who lived it

Stop seeking validation from people who mock or sabotage you, as they are not true friends; seek better company instead.

one person who lived it

Mirror and amplify their emotions slightly, as they are likely holding back.

Reacting strongly can affect their interpretation of their situation and have lasting effects.

one person who lived it

Act on romantic feelings quickly because they are fleeting, to avoid future regret over inaction.

Romantic interest doesn't wait, and inaction often leads to regret.

one person who lived it

Understand that opposing sides in debates may both possess empathy aimed at different groups or values.

This dynamic can still be constructive.

one person who lived it

If someone relies on rehearsed sarcasm, expect them to be unable to improvise when hit back with similar humor.

They often only have one prepared remark and lack improvisational skill, expecting the other party to accept defeat rather than strike back.

one person who lived it

Try injecting yourself into conversations using new or better methods instead of assuming disrespect when things don't go as hoped.

We are quick to internalize negative outcomes when we could adjust our approach.

one person who lived it

Aim for stylish, compassionate, and subtly confident traits instead of aiming for cool.

This allows coolness to develop naturally.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself that there are plenty of potential partners so you do not care if a specific person does not find you attractive.

one person who lived it

Cultivate genuine interest in subjects to become interesting, as interested people tend to know more about their topics.

Interested people are interesting and likely know or will know more about the subject.

one person who lived it

Balance self-deprecating jokes with ludicrously egotistical ones to keep the scales even.

• This is one person's opinion

5 people, independently

• Combine vulnerability with humor to create instant connection.1

Distinguish between affectionate teasing, which can be proof of friendship, and mean-spirited mocking.

Reacting strongly against soft joking is counterproductive.

2 people, independently

Treat shy people like normal people; assume they are just uncomfortable around new people rather than socially awkward.

one person who lived it

Treat social failures as opportunities to gain experience points by analyzing what happened and trying something different next time.

You can't level up without farming.

one person who lived it

Interpret mentions of similar experiences in conversation as attempts to empathize and keep the topic going.

It is usually not an attempt to one-up you.

one person who lived it

Show empathy for others' struggles instead of being annoyed by their negativity.

Positive topics might highlight their failures.

one person who lived it

Distance yourself from self-absorbed friends while maintaining necessary cordiality.

They won't change.

one person who lived it

Avoid people who hurt you completely if possible.

It conserves your emotional energy.

one person who lived it

Stop acting dismissive or engaging in one-upmanship when someone shares something happy; instead, help them celebrate.

Listening is better spent than competing in one-upmanship.

one person who lived it

Stop intentionally trying to increase your perceived coolness.

It becomes obvious that you are actively trying, which reads fake or inauthentic and backfires into seeming uncool.

one person who lived it

Avoid self-deprecating humor that lowers expectations for your performance.

It removes the incentive to improve by ensuring you at least meet lowered expectations if you fail.

one person who lived it

Look into mindfulness meditation to accept yourself and others without racing to fix difficult things.

Accepting means acknowledging difficulty without trying to fix it with a probable bandaid.

one person who lived it

Accept that honest feedback is often avoided because people fear negative reactions, social rejection, or being seen as rude.

People often get mad about negative feedback despite saying they want it, and honesty is sometimes viewed as rude or taboo, particularly for women socialized to be 'nice'.

one person who lived it

Avoid sharing opinions on controversial topics unless you are prepared to listen to opposing views.

People often compensate for their inability to form logical arguments by going to great lengths to defend their position.

one person who lived it

Clarify that you understand but disagree, rather than letting the other person assume ignorance.

People often assume disagreement stems from a lack of understanding and may become annoyed instead of considering a new perspective.

one person who lived it

When receiving negative feedback, focus on the communication of the issue rather than the perfection of the interaction.

that will be helpful

one person who lived it

Consider potential ulterior motives when someone tries to persuade you to do something, whereas warnings against something are more likely to be genuine.

People trying to recruit others to their lifestyle may be hiding frustration about their own lost opportunities.

one person who lived it

Refrain from attacking someone's grammar or digging for personal information to discredit their argument.

Doing so makes it easy for others to discredit your own argument.

one person who lived it

Genuinely care about and show interest in others instead of worrying about yourself.

6 people, independently

• Focus on being in another person's presence over expecting them to entertain you.1

Direct your energy toward self-improvement instead of giving unsolicited advice to unappreciative others.

It allows you to be the change you want others to see and avoids being unappreciated.

one person who lived it

Ask friends directly if something bugs them if you cannot discern their reaction.

one person who lived it

Vary your social circles and hobbies so you do not depend excessively on one particular group.

3 people, independently

Stop viewing members of the opposite sex as potential romantic partners; instead, treat them simply as people to befriend.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself that strangers are minding their own business and not judging you unless you are doing something questionable.

one person who lived it

Block or ignore disrespectful people.

ignoring them often irritates them more than anything

one person who lived it

Block the person if honest communication fails or if you wish to end the acquaintance completely.

one person who lived it

Before acting irrationally, consider what your future self would have wanted you to do.

one person who lived it

Imagine yourself experiencing what the speaker is describing alongside them to make their story more relevant to you.

It counteracts natural selfishness by making other people's experiences feel relevant to you.

one person who lived it

Stop trying to imitate jokes if you are not naturally funny.

Humor relies on timing and delivery, which socially uncalibrated people rarely master.

one person who lived it

Make decisions yourself rather than seeking sympathetic advice, to take ownership and accept responsibility for your choices.

Taking ownership and accepting responsibility is better than relying on others.

one person who lived it

Practice empathy to drive connection rather than sympathy, which drives people away.

Empathy connects; sympathy repels.

one person who lived it

Avoid obsessing over the outcome of interactions.

Obsessing causes you to appear desperate.

one person who lived it

Recognize that lacking skill in one area, such as memory or organization, does not mean someone is unintelligent.

Intelligence is multifaceted, encompassing speed of thought, bias avoidance, estimation, and intuition, among other things.

one person who lived it

Ignore labels like introvert or extrovert if they do not suit you; define yourself independently.

Everybody is different.

one person who lived it

Set aside initial impressions, censor harsh reactions, look past surface imperfections, and address issues positively.

It is more constructive for everyone involved.

one person who lived it

Set boundaries if someone consistently uses you as a daily emotional dumping ground.

Consistent daily venting is enabling behavior.

one person who lived it

Accept that you cannot change someone's opinion if they selectively integrate supporting information and disregard contradictory facts.

Contrary facts may lock in someone's opinion even more because they integrate supporting views and disregard contradictions.

one person who lived it

Stop hyper-analyzing social interactions.

Hyper-analyzing makes your behavior come across as forced.

one person who lived it

View responding as intentional rather than reactive.

Responding feels more intentional.

one person who lived it

Keep interactions with self-deprecating strangers light and banter-focused.

You want to acknowledge their insecurities without validating them or turning the interaction into therapy.

one person who lived it

Stop including your achievements in every conversation.

It is considered bragging.

one person who lived it

Decide in advance how you will respond to objections or hostility.

Practicing responses builds familiarity.

one person who lived it

Do not assume sharing goals is narcissistic; recognize that humans crave recognition.

Humans crave recognition, period.

one person who lived it

Stop avoiding uncomfortable social situations.

Staying in these types of situations gives you the opportunity to improve.

one person who lived it

Act confident in the moment even if you do not truly feel confident inside.

5 people, independently

Aspire to be kind rather than nice; focus on helping others improve instead of just making them feel better temporarily.

one person who lived it

If you are neurodivergent, adopt a structured 'friendship syllabus' approach rather than expecting friendships to just flow.

• expecting things to 'just flow' is a recipe for disaster

one person who lived it

Understand that many debates are driven by fear and rationalization rather than logic.

one person who lived it

Cease worrying excessively about others' opinions and remain authentic; permit those who dislike you to depart.

6 people, independently

Resist gloating when someone admits they are wrong; instead, express admiration for their ability to admit error.

Admitting fault is difficult.

one person who lived it

Share small moments of life rather than treating interactions as competitions or awards.

one person who lived it

Watch how people you respect communicate and imitate their assurance and manner.

13 people, independently

Recognize that social banter is for connection, not exchanging accurate information.

People engage in friendly banter to be social, and correcting facts massacres the vibe.

one person who lived it

Focus on cultivating a desire to learn over simply acquiring facts.

one person who lived it

Focus on men's personalities, quirks, and hobbies rather than viewing them primarily as men.

one person who lived it

If you dislike your smile, remember that attractiveness is subjective and others may find it cute.

one person who lived it

Recognize that assuming everyone else has perfect social skills is confirmation bias; realize many others lack these skills too.

one person who lived it

Recognize that physical differences between a crush and someone else are minimal, such as facial structure or body fat.

one person who lived it

Recognize that human nature tends to remember wrongs while forgetting kindnesses shown.

one person who lived it

Do not assume someone speaks another language based on their appearance or name.

Assumptions about language ability can be incorrect and unwarranted.

one person who lived it

Seek out companions whose energy aligns with yours instead of attempting to overhaul your entire personality.

3 people, independently

Demonstrate curiosity in what others share and remain open to learning, rather than presuming you already understand their message.

3 people, independently

Celebrate milestones fully.

Otherwise life consists only of challenges ('sticks') with no rewards ('carrots').

one person who lived it

Reframe your goal from avoiding making people feel bad to becoming an effective communicator.

one person who lived it

Treat conversation like Jiu Jitsu requiring reaction and surprise, rather than a polished painting to be admired.

one person who lived it

Avoid viewing social interactions as rigid performances driven by expectations or obligations.

2 people, independently

Combine honesty with compassion to avoid brutality, and kindness with honesty to avoid manipulation.

2 people, independently

Do not blame yourself entirely for misunderstandings; recognize that other people also need to work on their own communication skills.

one person who lived it

Adopt a positive mindset instead of using sarcasm, which can create a negative vibe and feel inauthentic.

one person who lived it

Recognize that if you cannot explain opposing viewpoints on a topic, you are likely repeating someone else's opinion rather than holding your own.

one person who lived it

Do not compromise basic human rights or morality for political alignment.

one person who lived it

Recognize that being kind and maintaining closed boundaries are compatible, not opposites.

one person who lived it

Distance yourself or go no contact with persistent contrarians who dominate conversations.

one person who lived it

Genuinely understand others to gain insights into their motivations, fears, and values.

one person who lived it

Recognize that introversion primarily indicates a need for recovery time after socializing, not an inability to communicate well.

one person who lived it

Remember that customer service representatives are people first and foremost.

one person who lived it

Recognize that neurodivergent people may one-up unintentionally while trying to relate through verbal processing.

one person who lived it

Use a playful distraction technique, such as pretending a boo-boo is flying away, to comfort a young child after a minor injury.

one person who lived it

Recognize that some debaters simply want to argue regardless of the topic or outcome.

one person who lived it

Practice keeping eye contact with characters in TV shows and movies.

It trains your brain to find eyes during quick scene changes and helps you formulate responses while maintaining contact.

• People on screens aren't actually looking at you, which feels different from real life where eye contact can feel like facing a forcefield.

3 people, independently

Keep your head up during conversations; if you look away, look up or to the sides rather than down.

Holding your head high is an immediate confidence booster and avoids appearing haughty.

• Looking off over someone's head can come off as haughty.

3 people, independently

Watch the speaker while they talk; break eye contact while thinking, then re-engage when you finish your thought.

This reflects normal human behavior.

3 people, independently

When direct eye contact feels difficult, focus on the area between the eyes, the nose bridge, or the eyebrows instead.

To the other party, it appears as eye contact, yet it permits sustained gaze without causing you discomfort.

16 people, independently

• Focus on the bridge of their nose instead of their eyes until you feel at ease.8
• Direct your gaze at neutral areas such as eyelashes, eye makeup, or the gap between eyebrows to mimic direct eye contact without staring into pupils.4
• Look at the space between the other person's eyes if direct eye contact causes panic, and slowly work up to full eye contact.1
• Look at a person's nose or another vague area face-level to simulate engagement if direct eye contact is difficult.3
• Stare at the bridge of the nose or the area between the eyes above the nose instead of directly into the pupils for a less forceful gaze.1
• Direct your gaze toward the forehead, nose, or space between the eyes instead of the pupils to lower intensity while maintaining connection.3
• When eye contact feels difficult, direct your gaze toward the mouth or the outer edges of the face.3

If interacting with someone who has strabismus, look at the eye that is pointed directly at you; if they switch eyes, follow the one looking at you.

It prevents them from feeling like there is a fly on their forehead or nose.

3 people, independently

• When speaking to someone with a lazy eye, look at the eye that is currently directed at you.4

Ask people directly why they avoid making eye contact with you to check if your gaze is perceived as intense or predatory.

You may stare through people or size them up without realizing it.

one person who lived it

Wiggle your toe in a beat to time when to break and restart eye contact.

It helps regulate the rhythm of looking away and back.

one person who lived it

Blink regularly to avoid looking weird or creepy.

Not blinking can get weird or creepy (Hannibal Lecter style).

• Mentioning regular blinking might cause unnatural blinking and intensify fear.

2 people, independently

Stare at your phone to make it clear you are no longer paying attention.

It is effective, though rude.

one person who lived it

• Leave people alone if they are looking at their phones, as this signals they do not wish to engage in conversation.1

Look at the whole face rather than just the eyes.

That relaxes your eyes.

one person who lived it

Set a non-verbal signal, such as eye contact and a brief hand gesture, with a team lead to indicate you want to speak.

The lead can then find an opening for you and ask for your input.

one person who lived it

Stop thinking about eye contact to allow it to become natural and achieve the right ratio.

Thinking too much about it makes it harder and causes over-focus on the eyes.

2 people, independently

• Stop consciously overthinking eye contact; if you are not paying attention to it, you may find yourself making eye contact comfortably.1

Match the other person's eye contact behavior: if they maintain it, do the same; if they break it regularly, follow their lead.

Calibrating your eye contact to theirs helps 'check in' and aligns with social expectations.

3 people, independently

• Observe how others interact to learn the appropriate timing and duration for eye contact, keeping in mind that norms vary by culture.1

Divide visual attention equally among the person's eyes, lips, and hand gestures.

One person reported this approach worked better for them.

• Watching lips can be perceived as intimate or romantic.

one person who lived it

Concentrate on the conversation rather than monitoring where or why you are making eye contact.

Thinking about whether you are being creepy keeps you out of the moment and hinders listening.

3 people, independently

• Concentrate on a single eye at once and deliberately interrupt the gaze regularly instead of holding it steadily.3

Look away from a person's face to reduce visual distractions and improve focus on what they are saying.

One person reported they cannot concentrate or remember what was said if they maintain eye contact.

• This is a personal preference; others may find eye contact helpful.

4 people, independently

• Look directly into the speaker's eyes to maintain focus, as looking away tends to cause wandering thoughts.1
• If you struggle with eye contact while speaking but not while listening, focus on concentration over eye contact.1

Monitor your body language in one-on-one conversations to ensure you do not look self-conscious or like you want to leave.

Looking like you want to leave leads to the worst conversations.

one person who lived it

Maintain eye contact and speak directly to the person, not the interpreter.

Otherwise you risk diminishing that voice.

3 people, independently

Interrupt your gaze occasionally so you do not seem threatening, controlling, or unsettling.

Staring without blinking can feel hostile and cause discomfort in the other person.

7 people, independently

• Do not maintain constant eye contact.1
• Break eye contact every few seconds, as this is normal and expected behavior.3

Combine eye contact with smiling to open new social doors.

An ugly smile is better than no smile if sincere; self-consciousness sabotages natural response.

• Smiling at strangers can sometimes come across as a weird creepy wince.
• Stop caring what people think of your smile.

one person who lived it

Keep your eyes up and focus on your destination while walking to avoid bumping into things.

Looking at the ground often leads to collisions.

one person who lived it

Consider getting evaluated for autism if eye contact causes distress rather than connection.

It is a common symptom for autistic people to feel discomfort from eye contact.

• This symptom alone is not enough to diagnose autism.

3 people, independently

When unsure how to react to emotional news, raise eyebrows, open mouth slightly, and maintain eye contact without smiling.

Breaking eye contact can leave the speaker feeling isolated.

• Prolonged eye contact with a surprised expression can sometimes make someone feel uncomfortable or judged.

one person who lived it

Understand that people may avoid eye contact due to general shyness, anxiety, cultural upbringing, or PTSD, rather than dislike.

Some are shy or uncomfortable; others were taught it was rude; some fear the connection it establishes due to trauma.

3 people, independently

Start by timing three seconds in your head before looking away, then gradually increase the duration.

Eventually you will get more comfortable.

one person who lived it

Scan the other person's face (eyes, nose, lips) to break up the intensity of staring, though be aware that staring fixedly at non-eye features can also appear obvious.

Staring straight into eyes for too long can feel weird.

• Staring at the nose or mouth can be painfully obvious to others.

one person who lived it

• Stare in between the eyes rather than above them to avoid looking weird or arrogant.1
• Scan a triangle across the face from both eyes to the mouth for generally acceptable eye contact; avoid lingering on the mouth or looking above the eyes.1
• Let your gaze wander around the other person's face rather than staring intensely into their eyes.1

Look forward rather than downward when speaking.

Gravity pulls saliva onto the lips when looking down, which can lead to spitting.

one person who lived it

Force eye contact with people you have a crush on to become more comfortable and eliminate feelings of inferiority.

It helps get rid of the subconscious feeling that you are less than them.

one person who lived it

Take a step back to increase physical distance if you feel uncomfortable with eye contact.

Creating distance can make both you and the other person feel more comfortable.

one person who lived it

• Step back slightly from the person you are talking to if holding eye contact feels too intimate or awkward.1

Consider that intense eye contact may make some people resistant to persuasion or view you as less trustworthy.

Some find those with super good eye contact less trustworthy.

one person who lived it

Turn your head slightly and look down to one side while tilting your ear toward the speaker to appear attentive while avoiding eye contact.

It gives the impression that you are listening intently, though it may suggest you are hard of hearing.

• This is one person's specific approach.

one person who lived it

Signal active engagement using brief non-verbal cues like eye contact, smiling, nodding, or short verbal reactions such as 'hmm' or 'wow'.

People default to judging you as disinterested without feedback; these cues reduce negative responses and show you are actively engaged.

4 people, independently

• Break eye contact briefly while nodding or smiling to signal active listening without staring.1

Reduce screen time and increase interactions with people to ease the awkwardness of eye contact.

More interactions with people help ease the awkwardness.

one person who lived it

If staring at one eye is bothersome, alternate your focus between both eyes to maintain engagement.

It helps keep you focused.

• Some find it more helpful to look at only one eye at a time rather than bouncing between them.

one person who lived it

• Focus on one of the other person's eyes, interpreting it as dominating their single eye with your two, then switch to the other eye in the next sentence.1
• Focus on just one eye to reduce awkwardness and stop overthinking.1

Keep sunglasses on while talking face-to-face if you are outdoors.

It is considered appropriate outside, and can help with light sensitivity.

• Do not keep them on indoors.

one person who lived it

If you need to get someone's attention by tapping their desk, lean back slightly and get the most from physical distance to avoid looming over them.

Looming can trigger a threat response in the person's internal lizard-brain.

one person who lived it

Make eye contact, pause briefly, say 'thank you' sincerely with a smile, and then stop talking to avoid awkwardness or appearing pretentious.

Excess fidgeting or talking can create awkwardness; pausing and smiling conveys authenticity.

2 people, independently

• After thanking someone with eye contact, immediately shift the topic or ask about them.3

Focus on the other person's body language rather than the translator when communicating through an interpreter.

Focusing on the translator can cause things to be lost in translation.

• Based on one person's experience in Afghanistan.

one person who lived it

Focus on different areas of the face, such as the forehead, nose, or cheek.

It looks like you're initiating eye contact.

one person who lived it

• Direct your gaze slightly above or between the other person's eyes while conversing.4

Put a slight smile on your face during eye contact to make it appear appropriate and less blank or staring.

It helps gain confidence by making the eye contact appear appropriate.

one person who lived it

• Smile while making eye contact to avoid staring and elicit positive responses.1

Make eye contact and nod slightly before speaking to signal you are thinking of an answer.

It lets others understand that you are thinking of an answer prior to speaking.

one person who lived it

Focus on other aspects of a person, such as their voice or body gestures, to avoid direct eye contact and become more observant.

It helps avoid direct eye contact and makes you more observant.

one person who lived it

Smile at someone who is staring at you to show confidence and reassure them that you are not offended.

Smiling shows confidence against poor motives and reassures unsure stargers that you are not offended.

one person who lived it

Focus on the content of what you are saying to reduce the urge to stare or cause discomfort.

Shifting attention to speech reduces edge about staring.

one person who lived it

Avoid making 100% constant eye contact while listening, as it can make the speaker feel scrutinized or uncomfortable.

Constant staring can reveal unintended reactions or make the speaker feel like they are on stage, leading to 'stage fright'.

one person who lived it

In staring contests, stare at a stationary object behind the opponent rather than at them or blank space.

One person reported never losing after using this method.

• This is based on one person's experience in staring competitions.

one person who lived it

Keep moving so that the audience's focus remains on your hands and actions rather than your face.

One approach to alleviate discomfort is to direct eyes to hands instead of the speaker.

one person who lived it

Make eye contact and rephrase what a repetitive speaker is saying.

Repetition often occurs because the speaker doesn't feel heard or understood.

one person who lived it

If you tend to avoid people and worry about seeming aloof, try gently approaching them and reading their body language to gauge interest.

It prevents others from misinterpreting your avoidance as being stuck up.

one person who lived it

Observe the direction of a person's feet to gauge their interest in the conversation.

Foot direction is one of three key indicators (along with smiles and eye contact) that reveal how someone actually feels.

one person who lived it

• Observe the direction of the listener's feet; feet pointing away may indicate a desire to leave the conversation.1

Take small pauses and maintain eye contact during your story.

It signals that something very interesting is coming.

one person who lived it

In European social settings, make eye contact when clinking glasses or beers.

Failing to do so is considered rude.

one person who lived it

Ask someone you know well for feedback on your eye contact habits, since others can observe your interactions better than you can.

It is hard to self-judge because you cannot see your own interactions from an outside perspective.

one person who lived it

• Ask friends for feedback on your facial expressions while making eye contact.1

Pay attention to your body language to deduce what signals might be making you appear distressed or insecure.

If people are bothering you while you are sitting in silence, your body language is likely signaling distress.

one person who lived it

Use a soft stare rather than a penetrating gaze when holding eye contact.

It makes the interaction less uncomfortable and intimidating for the other person.

2 people, independently

Nod or provide other visual cues of agreement when listening to someone who repeats themselves.

They are often subconsciously looking for these clues before they feel comfortable moving on.

one person who lived it

Use verbal nods like 'okay' or 'wow' to show you are actively following along, especially in contexts where visual cues are absent, such as phone calls.

It provides reassurance that you have not left the call.

one person who lived it

Maintain moderate eye contact during conversations.

It changes everything for introverts and helps, even if it is hard at first.

one person who lived it

Give an awkward partial smile when passing people in the office as a form of professional etiquette.

It is basically professional etiquette.

one person who lived it

Focus closely on the details of one specific eye, such as its color or pattern, to distract from awkwardness.

It distracts from feeling awkward.

one person who lived it

• Focus specifically on the pupil rather than the whole eye if eye contact feels overwhelming.1
• Inform friends that you are practicing eye contact to explain any awkwardness.1

Show listening through non-verbal cues like eye contact, nodding, and facial expressions instead of vocalizing filler words like 'mhmm' or 'uhuh'.

The speaker may engage more and feel comfortable divulging more when they see emotional reaction via body language.

one person who lived it

Reframe eye contact intimacy as platonic warmth and connection to become comfortable with it.

Reminding yourself that intimacy is platonic warm love and connection helps comfort.

one person who lived it

Raise and scrunch your eyebrows to convey emotion.

A face without eyebrow movement is an emotionless face.

one person who lived it

Turn your head or body slightly toward the interrupter while keeping eye contact with the original speaker.

So they can see that you haven't just forgotten or ignored them.

one person who lived it

Offer a hint of a smile when your eyes lock with a stranger.

3 people, independently

Look at the glabella (the smooth part of the forehead between the eyebrows) instead of directly into the eyes.

The recipient cannot tell the difference, and it prevents triggering self-consciousness associated with direct eye contact.

one person who lived it

Do not overanalyze a friend's lack of eye contact; it may indicate comfort (especially if neurodivergent), physical discomfort like dry eyes, or cultural norms rather than rejection.

In some cultures, avoiding interaction is polite, while in others it is seen as disrespectful; additionally, neurodivergent people may find comfort in unmasking.

• In our culture, not making eye contact is often seen as suspicious and disrespectful.

one person who lived it

Expect that forcing eye contact initially may impair your listening skills, but this difficulty typically improves with practice.

One person reported being unable to listen well when first forcing eye contact, though it became less of an issue over time.

one person who lived it

Count to five in your mind while looking at someone, then look sideways without turning your head, and repeat.

one person who lived it

Employ hand movements, facial cues, physical shifts, and energy to engage your listeners.

Enthusiasm tends to spread.

3 people, independently

• Use hand gestures while speaking to capture attention through movement.1

Show only your top teeth when smiling to avoid looking uncomfortable.

A full smile can make you look uncomfortable; this technique is also useful for conveying a 'gritted teeth' expression.

one person who lived it

Do not interpret lack of eye contact from female service workers as personal rejection.

Based on one person's experience, it is likely nothing personal.

one person who lived it

Make eye contact with cashiers and service workers to feel more normal and comfortable.

Participating in this common custom makes the user feel less awkward.

one person who lived it

Pay attention to funny or interesting people's gestures and eyes, not just their words.

Delivery is very important.

one person who lived it

Straighten your back to look confident in your opinion.

It makes you look mysterious, interesting, and smart

2 people, independently

When encountering strangers, distract yourself with irrelevant thoughts like funny memes to avoid stressing about eye contact.

Thinking and stressing about it makes it harder.

one person who lived it

Use open body language, such as not crossing your arms, to look more approachable.

5 people, independently

Avoid averting your eyes downward, as it can appear passive or submissive.

Looking down looks passive/submissive.

one person who lived it

Observe the listener's facial expressions and reactions—such as nodding, looking puzzled, or trying to speak—to gauge their understanding and adjust your delivery.

It provides insight into how well you are communicating.

one person who lived it

Look slightly at someone's eyebrows rather than their forehead.

Looking at the forehead makes it very obvious and causes panic.

2 people, independently

Provide external cues such as nodding, facial expressions, and verbal affirmations like 'aha' or 'right' to signal agreement.

Others need these external cues because some people process things internally.

one person who lived it

Look for microexpressions on the other person's face to make eye contact easier.

Focusing on seeing microexpressions improves eye contact ability.

one person who lived it

Look away occasionally to articulate thoughts better, especially when close to someone.

Looking elsewhere while talking can be soothing and help clarify thoughts.

one person who lived it

Focus entirely on the conversation rather than strategizing body language tricks.

Conscious performance reads as inauthentic and often fails to get a warm response.

one person who lived it

Accept that breaking eye contact occasionally is normal and acceptable for processing information.

Looking away helps some people process information better.

2 people, independently

Smile when making eye contact with someone you find attractive to avoid appearing cold and encourage interaction.

Smiling can make a significant difference in perception and potentially lead to further interaction.

one person who lived it

Be aware that presenting yourself as insecure through body language may cause others not to initiate conversations with you.

Insecurity shows through body language and discourages initiation from others.

one person who lived it

Break eye contact by looking down momentarily to convey contemplation or memory recall.

Conversation often involves memory recall, so breaking eye contact signals this process.

one person who lived it

Focus on showing genuine interest over maintaining a specific amount of eye contact.

Conversation partners likely care more about genuine interest than eye contact frequency.

one person who lived it

Define eye contact simply as looking at someone's face for a second occasionally, rather than engaging in intense staring.

one person who lived it

• Periodically glance at the other person to gauge facial expressions rather than maintaining persistent eye contact.3

Maintain an upright posture by pulling your shoulders back and lifting your head.

6 people, independently

Compliment nail polish or earrings as safe alternatives to body-focused comments.

They are solid choices that are not near sensitive areas, reducing the likelihood of being perceived as staring at breasts.

one person who lived it

When making eye contact, offer a quick smile and nod before smoothly looking away to signal polite acknowledgement without implying availability for conversation.

It creates the impression that you are polite but busy.

2 people, independently

Apologize if you know you struggle with eye contact or lip-reading to reassure others you are listening.

Preemptive explanation reduces the likelihood of others misinterpreting your lack of eye contact as disinterest or rudeness.

one person who lived it

Adapt your eye contact style based on the context; treat casual conversations differently than intense engagements like podcast interviews.

Different social contexts have different norms for attention and intimacy; applying interview-level intensity to casual chats is inappropriate.

one person who lived it

Take an improv class to help get over nervousness and think on your feet.

The study of improv was described as extremely cathartic.

• It will be the scariest and silliest thing you ever do.

2 people, independently

Force yourself to talk more and go out more, even if you cannot speak well initially.

People usually say this will help.

one person who lived it

• Place yourself in situations that require talking to people to gain practice.11
• Practice speaking with a trusted confidant who makes talking easy for you.1
• Practice socializing by inviting a coworker you enjoy being around to grab lunch.1

Meet women in low-pressure settings like book clubs or frisbee teams instead of bars.

There is no pressure to perform.

one person who lived it

• Practice social strategies in low-stakes environments like book clubs or daytime events with strangers rather than bars or established friends.1

Try standing up for yourself with one small comment to see how it feels.

It might make you feel good and fuel confidence.

one person who lived it

Write down one line you wish you had said better and one that went well each night.

This nightly micro-reflection helps spot patterns.

one person who lived it

Focus on building a good group of male friends and having fun with them.

Having social proof from your friends makes it much easier to attract partners later on.

one person who lived it

Take on sales roles to force practice in talking and breaking free of your comfort zone.

One person reported this taught them to talk.

one person who lived it

If you are not naturally funny, hang out with people who are and learn from them to apply humor in your own way.

Observing and learning from funny people can help you develop humor skills.

2 people, independently

Find task-based activities you love to use as a launchpad for expanding your social circle without changing your logical nature.

You do not need to change yourself; this allows you to expand your social circle while staying true to your nature.

one person who lived it

Work with kids to improve your interpersonal skills, as one person found this surprisingly helpful.

One person reported that working with kids made them better with people.

• Based on one person's experience.

one person who lived it

If you are a recluse, get a dog so that walking it makes meeting people natural.

One person reported that getting a dog changed their life by making social interaction a natural part of walks.

• Based on one person's experience as a recluse.

one person who lived it

Take 10 minutes each day to sit and breathe deeply to become more grounded and less impulsive in social situations.

Being grounded and breathing deeply helps you think smarter and do better in social situations.

one person who lived it

Memorize your content rather than reading off a script.

It helps you remain calm, cool, and collected.

one person who lived it

• Keep key points ready in your mind and expand on them naturally rather than memorizing word-for-word scripts.1

Walk on the street and talk to strangers before attending a social event to warm up your social skills.

It helps you feel more practiced, calm, and confident by the time you arrive at the event.

one person who lived it

• Build social confidence by practicing low-pressure interactions, such as making small talk with cashiers or people in line.9

Take communications classes if they are an option.

They might help.

one person who lived it

Do things out of your comfort zone, such as traveling or learning new skills, to generate great stories to tell.

Doing fun, uncomfortable things provides great stories to tell.

one person who lived it

Practice tasks like driving or shopping alone to get comfortable without the pressure of being seen by people you care about.

You won't get upset if you make a mistake because no one important is watching.

one person who lived it

Teach children to research answers themselves by having them write questions down for library trips or look them up in encyclopedias.

This helps them learn to learn.

one person who lived it

Exercise to increase confidence and comfort in social spaces.

Exercise makes you more confident, causes people to treat you nicer, and helps you feel comfortable in space.

one person who lived it

Use progressive exposure by starting with small, low-pressure social tasks (like smiling or waving) and gradually increasing the difficulty.

Uncomfortable things get easier if done repeatedly over time; this is the best way to get over fear.

3 people, independently

Join social hobbies like a band to help with socializing, especially if there is a charismatic member to handle heavy lifting.

It means you can join in when you choose.

one person who lived it

Speak often to train your brain and maintain sharpness.

The brain is like a muscle that loses sharpness if not used daily.

one person who lived it

Practice explaining things to yourself when alone, such as in the car or shower.

It helps get thoughts straight.

one person who lived it

Go to bars with a female friend.

It helps.

one person who lived it

Record yourself speaking and do multiple takes as if live to build self-awareness.

It helps you gain more self awareness.

one person who lived it

Watch shows like Seinfeld for inspiration on how to say silly things in a funny way.

You can make silly comments funny if you try.

one person who lived it

Try talking with talkative people in shared environments like class.

They can boost confidence and make you feel comfortable.

• Based on one person's experience.

one person who lived it

• Take up short conversations with semi-strangers like taxi drivers or shopkeepers to build confidence, as they will not judge you.8

Pretend strangers already love you or are already friends to settle your nerves.

This mindset helps calm nervousness.

one person who lived it

Speak in a relaxed, less formal tone to match the social context of those around you.

It helps your communication align with the people you are interacting with.

one person who lived it

Listen to podcasts and audiobooks to hear words used in context.

It broadens vocabulary and shows how things are said.

one person who lived it

Consider joining groups composed of other quiet people to find a better social fit.

You may be better suited for environments where everyone is more of the quiet type.

one person who lived it

Read widely in English so that correct grammar usage starts to feel natural over time.

Incorrect phrasing will start to sound wrong because you have read the correct versions.

one person who lived it

Read books on topics you are interested in.

Reading can rewire your brain and provide fun topics for conversation.

one person who lived it

Request candid input from close friends regarding the pros and cons of how you converse.

3 people, independently

Embrace your natural way of speaking English, including regional terms and accents, recognizing that language is mutable.

Language is ever-changing and each region has its own way of speaking.

one person who lived it

Use a synonym tool while writing to help new vocabulary appear in your speech.

Using synonyms in writing tends to reflect in speech.

one person who lived it

Make a deal with yourself to complete a stressful task, like checking your finances, before enjoying a daily pleasure like morning coffee.

One person reported this made them much better with their finances.

one person who lived it

Treat public speaking as a mechanical skill and invest hours of effort into short speeches.

It can make introverted or mumbly speakers appear naturally skilled to others.

one person who lived it

Keep practicing playing the character and being in the moment to build confidence and familiarity.

Being in the moment and getting used to it is the key to confidence.

one person who lived it

Practice one-on-one conversations regularly.

The more you practice, the easier it gets.

one person who lived it

Read fiction by good writers to improve your speaking and writing, accepting that not everything will be retained.

Something always stays, and doing it often enough leads to better communication.

• Not everything stays.

one person who lived it

Practice freely pulling words, emotions, perspectives, and stories out of random objects or topics around you.

The idea is to get used to freely pulling these elements out of things; it doesn't have to be good.

one person who lived it

Chuckle slightly to help a smile come more easily when interacting with strangers.

Letting out a little laugh makes the smile come easily too.

one person who lived it

Start writing for 5-10 minutes daily and increase the duration by five minutes every week or two to practice thinking fluently.

Practicing thinking in this way helps you automatically speak more fluently.

one person who lived it

Warm up by having a quick chat with someone you are comfortable with right before a difficult appointment or call.

It can provide a quick confidence boost.

one person who lived it

Watch professional news anchors welcoming guests to learn how to handle casual hellos and goodbyes.

They provide great examples of warm greetings and are hard-pressed models for how these interactions should be handled.

one person who lived it

Practice vocabulary for ten minutes a day.

It leads to better vocabulary for life.

one person who lived it

Listen to podcasts or interviews to quickly pick up on language nuances.

It is described as the quickest way to learn these nuances.

one person who lived it

Journal when you are tired of listening and need to express yourself.

It can be therapeutic for getting things out.

one person who lived it

First improve your conversation skills and demeanor around other men before increasing practice with women.

There is no harm in starting with other guys.

one person who lived it

• Approach and talk to many women to gain experience, paying attention to conversation flow and outcomes.1

Join improv groups to reduce strain and self-consciousness about word choice during interactions.

It may make interactions less straining.

one person who lived it

Practice texting often to improve skills over time.

You will eventually get better.

one person who lived it

Take improv or acting classes to improve public speaking skills if you struggle with them.

One person reported that their horrible public speaking improved after taking such classes.

one person who lived it

Regularly practice speaking and sharing ideas, viewing articulation as a skill that sharpens with repetition.

Speaking is like sales; frequent use of language improves your proficiency.

6 people, independently

Read more books or articles to increase your word pool and articulate details more confidently.

Reading builds vocabulary and helps you express what is inside you with more detail and confidence.

2 people, independently

Practice explaining topics simply by sitting with a question, thinking about it, and then explaining it as simply as possible.

Doing this for many day-to-day topics builds proficiency.

one person who lived it

Take acting or improv classes to improve storytelling skills, confidence, and practice.

It helps with the 'mushing of words' by providing practice and builds confidence.

one person who lived it

Take a public speaking class to help overcome nervousness when addressing groups.

One person reported that a college elective helped them a ton.

one person who lived it

Read books about language patterns and social skills.

This might help with social interactions.

one person who lived it

Join mixed-gender groups like dance classes or book clubs to interact with women as equals.

These settings force reasonable interaction and act as exposure therapy.

one person who lived it

Repeat new words you hear frequently to become comfortable using them.

Saying new words can make you uncomfortable.

one person who lived it

Join a new hobby connected to others with the same passion to help with natural interaction.

The rest comes naturally.

one person who lived it

Join a local Toastmasters club to receive specific feedback and practice eliminating filler words.

Members are actively critiqued on this, often using 'um' counters and coaches to increase awareness.

4 people, independently

Write out your stories, thoughts, and opinions to practice flow, as writing may come more easily than speaking.

it flows better

one person who lived it

Practice deep breathing and consciously tell yourself to relax before and during social interactions.

Calming yourself allows you to think much more clearly.

one person who lived it

Practice talking to regular people before approaching those you find attractive to build confidence.

Mastering conversation with regular people helps you get better at talking to those you are attracted to.

2 people, independently

Distinguish between 'clicking' and 'getting along'; focus on improving getting through practice, as clicking is random.

Getting along is something you can improve and thrive at with practice.

one person who lived it

Write scripts for meetings or keep a journal to clarify your thoughts before speaking.

Writing helps structure arguments and further understanding of what you read.

one person who lived it

Initiate low-pressure conversations with strangers to get used to holding normal dialogue rather than focusing on meeting partners.

The initial attempts are about desensitizing yourself to rejection and practicing conversation.

2 people, independently

Pretend you are the boss overseeing senior people to reduce intimidation and speak with quiet authority.

It helps you question things confidently, stand relaxed, and stop worrying.

one person who lived it

Try meditating to help with impulse control.

One person reported it was life-changing for their impulsivity.

one person who lived it

Follow a body language expert for free content.

One person found plenty of free content on body language from a specific author.

one person who lived it

Attend events related to your interests alone to motivate yourself to speak to others.

Going by yourself creates motivation to speak to others.

one person who lived it

Be really present in a situation to become more relaxed and confident.

You'll be more relaxed and yourself

one person who lived it

Meditate, starting with short durations like 10 seconds and gradually increasing to 1 minute, then two minutes.

Self-awareness and consistency with meditation seem to help.

one person who lived it

Read short stories, folk tales, and jokes to learn storytelling formats and build vocabulary.

You pick up the story teller's format and build a larger vocabulary.

one person who lived it

Read high-quality books with dialogue that matches the eloquence you wish to emulate.

Reading good quality material helps you formulate thoughts faster and more eloquently.

one person who lived it

Pretend you are in a group setting during one-on-one interactions if you are more comfortable in groups.

It boosts confidence and scores sympathy points for insanity.

one person who lived it

Learn new words and add them naturally to your vocabulary rather than forcing unnatural phrases to sound intelligent.

People worth impressing will likely recognize that you are being phony if you use language that is not natural to you.

one person who lived it

Continue speaking in your natural style; others will likely adjust their language to match yours over time.

they'll switch back after a while

one person who lived it

Use strangers, such as gas station attendants, to practice casual conversation by sharing funny observations.

Using random people who don't know you can be advantageous for practice.

one person who lived it

Live an active life with culture and new experiences so you have authentic things to talk about with anyone.

one person who lived it

Journal or write long-form thoughts regularly to train your brain to organize ideas into words and improve articulation and word recall.

It trains the brain to organize ideas into words; stopping causes articulation to digress.

one person who lived it

Imagine yourself as the person telling the story to increase interest and improve relationships.

It makes things more interesting and improves your relationship.

• This may not work if you have difficulty empathizing emotionally.
• Avoid this approach for people who only complain without taking action to improve their situation.

one person who lived it

Rehearse your phone conversations aloud with a companion, animal, or by yourself to build confidence.

• Practicing may cause obsessive anxiety for some.
• The actual person will not have rehearsed with you and may go off-script.

3 people, independently

• Practice saying hello to random strangers on the street to build confidence for future social interactions.6
• Practice talking aloud to yourself about potential conversation topics in private to organize your thoughts.1

Use online messaging as practice to build conversation skills, which will provide more topics for in-person interactions once you know the person better.

It serves as great practice and builds shared context for future in-person talks.

one person who lived it

Strengthen the internal voice that tells you to stop oversharing by practicing discipline, which makes the habit easier over time.

Discipline strengthens neural pathways.

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Approach strangers and start conversations as if it were completely normal to build comfort through consistent practice.

Consistency in small interactions builds comfort over time.

2 people, independently

Read the book 'Bird by Bird' by Anne Lamott for ideas on constructing narratives.

Although about writing, it contains great ideas for storytelling.

one person who lived it

Consciously correct yourself and speak more properly, paying attention to vocabulary usage.

It can lead to noticeable improvements in how well-spoken you are perceived to be.

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Join groups centered on specific interests, such as arts or languages (especially non-English/French), to meet people with broader perspectives.

There usually abounds people with perspective.

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Read books extensively to increase clarity in expressing thoughts to others.

One person discovered the more they read, the more clarity they had in how they expressed what they were thinking.

one person who lived it

Journal your daily experiences and thoughts to practice talking to yourself without external judgment.

After some time, you may be able to communicate about journaled topics more easily.

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Fake confidence until it becomes real by putting yourself in slightly uncomfortable but manageable situations.

Confidence will grow from here.

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Join Toastmasters or video record yourself with and without a teleprompter to see differences and improve public speaking.

Toastmasters are excellent for public speaking; recording shows how you can improve.

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Talk to yourself openly to overcome fear and improve communication fluency.

Overcoming fears and not holding back allows fluency to follow.

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Practice talking to women frequently to build confidence and desensitize yourself to nervousness.

Practicing helps, it increases confidence. It gets easier with practice.

one person who lived it

• Practice small, low-stakes social interactions repeatedly until talking to women feels normal rather than dangerous.1

Dress up formally for phone calls or interviews to boost confidence.

The psychological trick of dressing up, including wearing pants, helps confidence.

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Use facial expressions, tone, and hand gestures to add energy and engagement to your storytelling.

These elements can transform a seemingly boring story.

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Cultivate a steady sense of humor and weave it into everyday dialogue.

3 people, independently

Paraphrase what you hear to yourself internally to memorize the sentiment.

This improves listening and helps remember the content.

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Improve your appearance and mimic the social etiquette, dress, and mannerisms of socially successful people while maintaining your core identity.

One person reported that this approach expanded their social circle.

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Surround yourself with articulate people and copy their speech patterns and behavior.

Emulating eloquent speakers helps you adopt their style.

2 people, independently

Enter interactions accepting that rejection is possible, which helps you develop laid-back confidence through practice.

you'll get better with practice

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Watch Speak Up Storytelling videos to analyze how they break down storytelling techniques.

It is helpful to see how techniques are analyzed in each story.

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Consume media such as books, TV, and stand-up comedy to learn storytelling techniques.

Listening to others' stories helps you catch yourself telling them eventually.

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Type out conversations to build your thoughts, which can eventually improve vocal communication.

Typing helped start building thoughts, which later started to effect vocal conversations.

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Accept that occasional difficulty formulating thoughts is normal and avoid overthinking it.

Practice will naturally improve your skills.

2 people, independently

Continue practicing after initial successes to maintain progress.

The first step is often the hardest.

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Take up small talk with peers and communicate generally to become more comfortable.

As comfort with close friends increases, general communication improves.

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Practice conversation through experience to improve skills.

Practice makes perfect.

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Educate yourself on topics and know yourself to communicate coherent thoughts more easily.

Better understanding of the subject and self leads to easier communication.

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Read fiction and nonfiction regularly to expand your vocabulary, language skills, and general knowledge.

Reading expands language skills, provides new ideas for communication, and is the primary way to become well-read.

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Practice exaggerating your voice and body language in social interactions until it feels natural.

It may feel like masking initially but becomes natural over time.

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Write in a journal frequently.

To express deepest thoughts beforehand so conversations are more conversational instead of overloading people with details.

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Read memoirs and autobiographies to absorb how others articulate personal experiences and ideas.

One person directly attributes their writing ability to reading many books, particularly memoirs and autobiographies.

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Practice socializing consistently, recognizing that comfortable conversationalists were not born that way.

Comfortable conversationalists practice all the time.

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Study dynamic communicators to learn how nonverbal skills can make mundane topics interesting.

Dynamic nonverbal skills can carry interest even when the content itself is not particularly funny or interesting.

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Project confidence through relaxed body language and words, even if you feel nervous internally.

it helps appear cool and confident regardless of internal feelings

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Listen to BBC podcasts: factual ones for proper grammar or conversational comedy ones for everyday usage.

Factual shows are strict on proper grammar; comedy shows reflect everyday usage.

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Interrupt your 'auto-pilot' mode through mindfulness practices to pay closer attention to your word choices during conversations.

One person found this helped them notice poor phrasing after observing how others demonstrated assertiveness.

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Focus on improving one social skill at a time instead of attempting multiple goals simultaneously.

Behavioral research shows that attempting too many simultaneous goals makes failure extremely likely.

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Increase exposure to different accents and languages by listening, practicing, talking, and participating.

Comprehension becomes easier over time with more exposure.

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• Gain exposure to different speaking patterns through repeated interaction to improve interpretation.1

Read a book on improvisation for information on voicing thoughts without hesitation.

One person found it helpful for further information on this topic.

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Use MS Word's thesaurus to find alternative vocabulary words.

It is usually pretty handy.

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Prepare scripted small talk responses to common questions to reduce the stress of improvising.

Improvising is stressful

one person who lived it

One approach that helped: build your life through social connections, religion, hobbies, and skills to improve self-confidence.

one person who lived it

Do Christopher Walken impressions until proficient to break monotone habits.

One person reported this works every time.

one person who lived it

Read 'The Elements of Style' and The New Yorker to improve writing and articulation.

one person who lived it

Practice self-monitoring consistently until it becomes second nature; expect to catch yourself afterwards before you can do so in the moment.

Repetition makes the behavior automatic over time.

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Read a book weekly or monthly to improve vocabulary and learn effective ways to arrange messages coherently.

It improves vocabulary tremendously and shows effective ways of arranging messages you want to get across.

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Practice consistently to eliminate fillers, similar to how one stops cursing around toddlers.

Practice makes permanent.

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Retell your stories repeatedly until you are comfortable with the nuance, inflection, and flow.

3 people, independently

Journal about your day or feelings to practice explaining things and improve word recall during conversations.

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Diversify your activities, reading, and media consumption to have a wider range of topics to discuss.

8 people, independently

Participate in improvisational theatre to improve communication skills, have fun conversations, and learn to let go.

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Recognize the generosity of the person offering praise by expressing gratitude and highlighting their thoughtfulness.

It makes the other person feel valued and is a polite way to accept praise.

• In Japanese culture, saying 'thank you' can be considered arrogant.
• Avoid complimenting them back in the same way, as it can sound insincere.

16 people, independently

• Just smile and express thanks, without feeling obligated to return the praise or provide additional information.12

Point out specific details you like in creative work instead of giving generic praise.

It shows you actually looked at the work.

5 people, independently

• Tailor compliments to what the recipient specifically values or wants to be praised for, rather than using generic terms.3

Simply say 'thank you' and smile when receiving a compliment, without adding further commentary, self-deprecation, or deflection.

Dwelling on a compliment can make you look egotistical or insecure; deflecting belittles the praise and can be off-putting.

• In some cultures, such as Japanese or Chinese society, it is standard to rationalize or deflect compliments.

27 people, independently

• Take compliments by smiling and just saying 'thank you' without dismissing them or dragging out the reply.4
• View accepting a compliment as receiving a verbal gift that should be gratefully accepted rather than deflected.3
• Accept compliments and move on without trying to figure out the motive behind them or becoming self-conscious.2
• Accept compliments gracefully using specific phrases like 'That is very kind of you to say' or 'I'm glad you think so'.17
• Refrain from immediately returning a compliment after receiving one.7
• Say 'Thank you for noticing!' followed by a quick comment on your effort.1
• Pretend you did not hear a compliment if you are unsure whether it was directed at you.1
• Do not deflect compliments by criticizing your own performance, as this implies the giver has poor taste.1
• Respond to compliments with 'Thanks, that's very kind of you to say!'1
• When receiving compliments about your intelligence, simply say 'thank you' and move on.1
• Smile or laugh lightly when receiving a compliment if you prefer not to give a verbal thank you.4
• Keep responses brief, such as saying 'Thank you, I appreciate that,' and avoid long explanations or deflections that can appear unappreciative or arrogant.1
• If someone does not accept your compliment, remain polite and avoid bitterness or rudeness.1
• Politely decline further engagement if a man reacts to your compliment with more enthusiasm than a simple acceptance.1
• Simply say thank you when receiving a self-deprecating compliment; avoid offering unsolicited advice or comfort.1
• Do not deflect compliments.1
• If receiving a compliment feels awkward, smile, say thanks, and move the conversation along quickly.3

In Japanese culture, deny or humble yourself in response to a compliment rather than accepting it directly, as accepting it immediately can be seen as arrogant.

It is customary in Japan to negate the compliment and return another compliment to the giver; failing to do so is considered rude.

• Specific to Japanese culture.

3 people, independently

Apply concepts used for small children, such as giving genuine compliments, to adults using an adult tone.

This builds rapport and makes you a confidante most of the time.

one person who lived it

Stop overthinking your response to a 'thank you' after giving a compliment, as most people stop listening or paying attention after they say thanks.

Most people stop listening or don't pay attention after saying 'thank you'.

one person who lived it

Compliment a person's overall sense of style or character rather than just a specific item to make the compliment more meaningful.

It focuses on them rather than an object like shoes.

3 people, independently

• Compliment choices people have made, such as their outfit or makeup, instead of their physical appearance.2
• Compliment someone's fit or style to acknowledge both their appearance and their taste.1
• Give compliments on non-physical aspects, such as shared interests or personality traits, instead of focusing on appearance.8

Compliment children on their shoes or clothes.

This boosts their confidence, makes them laugh, and can make fear go out the window instantly.

one person who lived it

• Compliment children genuinely on their appearance or choices to boost their confidence.1

Start by giving one specific compliment per day, such as thanking someone for a specific action, to build the habit gradually.

Giving ten a day is too much to start with.

one person who lived it

• Practice giving compliments on people you are comfortable with before attempting it with strangers.2
• Limit yourself to one compliment per interaction and avoid doing it every day so the gesture remains special.2

Read Carol Dweck's book 'Mindset' to learn how to praise children mindfully so they grow while feeling good about themselves.

Compliments can be destructive for future development.

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If you cannot find praise for a task someone is proud of, politely ask why they found it difficult initially.

They will appreciate that you recognize their struggle.

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Make compliments specific and focused on aspects the recipient can control, such as their effort or choices.

This lets the friend open up about their process and shows you are paying attention.

2 people, independently

• Ease into giving specific compliments by first reacting naturally to an action (e.g., 'Whoa, that was awesome!') before detailing the specific elements you liked.1
• Make compliments as specific as possible.1

Give genuine compliments freely to others.

It improves your character, makes you feel wonderful, and makes someone's day.

4 people, independently

• Give innocuous compliments freely and often.1

Recognize that dismissing compliments often signals underlying self-doubt or discomfort rather than humility.

Deflecting praise can appear ungrateful or indicate low self-esteem.

• Like apologies, compliments do not strictly require acceptance.

3 people, independently

Simply say 'thank you' and move on to reduce awkwardness around compliments.

One person learned this approach from their father to kill awkwardness.

• Based on one person's family advice.

one person who lived it

Compliment items the person chose or put effort into, such as jewelry, nails, shirts, shoes, or bags.

This shows respect for their active choices and effort.

2 people, independently

• Add substance to your thanks by pointing out a specific feature of the complimented item, such as its pockets or comfort.3

Start by stating what you liked before offering critique on art or performance.

It reassures the person and makes the critique easier to accept.

2 people, independently

If you are interested in someone who has complimented you, give them a very obvious signal rather than subtle hints.

Some people do not pick up on hints and need clear verbal confirmation to realize interest.

one person who lived it

If you need to criticize someone who is stubborn, offer a compliment first.

Accepting the compliment may signal that they respect your opinion and are more open to hearing you out.

one person who lived it

Deliver a compliment plainly and move on immediately without lingering or waiting for a response to avoid seeming creepy, fake, or interested in a fetishistic way.

Lingering can make the other person feel weird, think you are expressing romantic interest, or suspect you want them to compliment you back.

5 people, independently

Accept compliments directly and take credit for your effort or skill rather than downplaying them.

12 people, independently

Compliment the options before deferring the choice by saying 'both/all sound great - you pick!'

It leaves the other person with a compliment.

one person who lived it

Avoid over-complimenting people.

Frequent praise can appear fake, become unwelcome, or lead to being perceived as inferior or a suck-up.

one person who lived it

• Avoid giving exaggerated or obviously false compliments, as they are perceived as insincere or rude.1

Keep compliments to strangers brief and walk away immediately to signal platonic intent and reduce awkwardness.

Moving on quickly makes it less likely the person will interpret the compliment as an invitation to date.

3 people, independently

Compliment men on gadgets, vehicles, or performance in sports and hobbies.

These are areas they often take pride in.

one person who lived it

If you are a man concerned about seeming creepy, compliment other men on non-physical traits like personality, work ethic, or taste.

Men need compliments too.

one person who lived it

Encourage partners who deflect compliments to simply say 'thank you' so the giver feels appreciated for their kindness.

Deflecting prevents the giver from feeling nice.

one person who lived it

Accept compliments even if you disagree with their truthfulness, recognizing that compliments are subjective opinions.

You cannot tell someone their opinion is wrong.

• In Japan or countries with similar cultures, do not thank someone for a compliment but instead deny being worthy of it.

one person who lived it

Be cautious when complimenting physical features, as norms vary by culture; for example, comments on face size or nose height may not translate well across cultures.

Some compliments common in one culture (e.g., Japanese) are perceived differently in English-speaking contexts.

one person who lived it

As a performer, thank people for coming to your show in addition to accepting compliments.

One performer noted this helps with professionalism and social image.

• Specific to performers; based on one person's view.

one person who lived it

Accept that you may come off as weird or awkward when first learning to give compliments; keep practicing.

You will likely seem awkward initially, similar to falling off a bike when learning to ride.

one person who lived it

Recognize that men may interpret niceness as flirting due to rarity of compliments, but this does not mean you did anything wrong.

Men rarely receive compliments and may misinterpret kindness, but your intent was kind.

one person who lived it

• Avoid interpreting every compliment from a woman as a sign of romantic interest.1

Value compliments from strangers, as they are often the most genuine because there is no ulterior motive.

Strangers have no ulterior motive.

one person who lived it

Practice giving compliments to low-risk people, such as colleagues of the same gender you are not attracted to.

This approach carries lower risk of being interpreted as flirting.

one person who lived it

Balance criticism with compliments and acknowledgment to make it easier to accept.

Adding 'sugar' (compliments) to 'salt' (criticism) helps it go down better.

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Recognize that some people ask for feedback only to fish for compliments or validation, not genuine improvement.

They may get annoyed if given brutally honest feedback after asking for it.

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Accept non-personal compliments on items like clothing if personal praise feels grating.

Comments on objects are less intrusive than comments on who you are.

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Reserve compliments for moments when you truly appreciate something someone did or when they need a confidence boost while down.

Constantly giving compliments causes the act to become meaningless.

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Give compliments on specific items under a person's control, such as shoes or jewelry, to avoid sexualizing them.

These items cannot really be sexualised or taken the wrong way.

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• Compliment clothing items that do not emphasize body shape or skin, such as shoes, scarves, hats, or unusual makeup, to avoid making the recipient uncomfortable.1

Avoid using intense words like 'gorgeous' or 'beautiful' when complimenting strangers.

These terms can sound cringey or uncomfortable when used with someone you do not know well.

one person who lived it

Recognize that not everyone receives all compliments positively; some may find certain remarks difficult to take genuinely.

While many believe everyone loves compliments, personal experience shows some are poorly received.

• Some argue that everyone loves a compliment regardless of content.

one person who lived it

Instead of saying 'you're welcome,' reinforce the original compliment after the person says thank you.

Saying 'you're welcome' feels reserved for favors done.

one person who lived it

Be aware that giving an unprompted compliment while explicitly stating you are not interested may still cause confusion.

One person noted they would be confused if a girl called them cute but then said she wasn't asking them out.

one person who lived it

Validate the impact of a compliment by stating the positive emotion it evokes in you.

It is truthful and validates the giver's intent.

one person who lived it

If someone is reasonably talented and bragging because it brings them joy, express admiration and support rather than being rude.

It makes them feel happier instead of bad.

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Ask for specific details about what the person liked in a professional compliment so you know what behaviors to keep doing in the future.

to understand what to repeat

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Give more compliments to others to acclimatize yourself to receiving them.

Giving compliments often leads to receiving more, acting as a form of exposure therapy.

one person who lived it

Only give compliments when they are genuine to avoid emotional exhaustion.

Insincere compliments drain you because you may want something in return.

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Be generous with praise and cautious with criticism; if criticism is needed, offer it helpfully rather than spitefully.

It will be appreciated.

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Follow up a compliment on clothing or makeup with a question about the item.

Asking for details provides the other person with something to reply to, avoiding awkward silence.

3 people, independently

Normalize giving compliments to men, particularly on things they have tried or changed, such as a new haircut or clothes.

Constantly being picked apart is exhausting, and men need positivity about their appearance.

one person who lived it

Deliver compliments in a light, airy tone with neutral body language, avoiding gawking or staring.

Tone and body language are crucial to how the compliment is received.

2 people, independently

Avoid whispering compliments in someone's ear to prevent them from being misinterpreted as intimate or flirtatious.

Whispering can give the wrong idea.

one person who lived it

Compliment male friends generally, even if they haven't changed anything, by calling them handsome or hyping them up.

Lifting up other men helps everyone feel better.

one person who lived it

Avoid complimenting intimate body parts like labia.

It is considered inappropriate and violates the rule that compliments on things people cannot control are not well-received.

one person who lived it

Understand that receiving a compliment can be a lasting memory for the recipient.

A man may forget everything else but remember being complimented.

one person who lived it

If you give a compliment and keep walking, understand that the recipient will likely interpret this as a polite gesture without further intent.

Walking away after a comment like 'great hair' signals that the interaction is over and was just a nice remark.

one person who lived it

Acknowledge that women may withhold compliments from men out of fear of triggering unwanted sexual advances.

Women often worry that recipients will see compliments as flirtation or unwanted advances.

2 people, independently

Smile at someone to gauge their receptiveness before giving a compliment; if they smile back, proceed, but if they do not, leave them alone.

A reciprocal smile indicates openness to interaction, while a lack thereof suggests they prefer to be left alone.

one person who lived it

Use a humorous deflection, such as claiming the complimented item likes the person back, to lighten the mood and buy time for a sincere response.

It generates laughter while allowing time to formulate a genuine reply.

one person who lived it

Base compliments on traits you genuinely appreciate rather than offering empty flattery.

Genuine acknowledgement is more effective and avoids appearing artificial or fake.

2 people, independently

Understand that most compliments are offered as goodwill or ice breakers, not as requests for justification or defense.

People usually aren't asking for a rebuttal; analyzing social compliments too deeply can be harmful.