Conversation

Listen carefully to their words and pose follow-up inquiries based on what they say.

They will view you as the best conversationalist around.

4 people, independently

• Listen closely to what the other person says and ask follow-up questions based on their last sentence or specific details they mentioned.4
• Show real interest in others and ask follow-ups such as 'Tell me more' or 'What do you mean?'3
• Listen actively to your partner's interests and ask follow-up questions using the information they provide.2
• Listen for details in the other person's answers to ask follow-up questions or tie their response to a personal story.1
• Ask specific follow-up questions about things the other person mentions, such as which professor they have or what assignment they are working on.1
• Ask follow-up questions related to the other person's answers to build a casual dialogue rather than an interview.1
• Ask specific follow-up questions based on details the other person mentioned to show you are paying attention.4
• Follow up on statements with questions about the person's experience rather than just exchanging parallel facts.1

Focus on listening, asking questions, and showing genuine interest over trying to be interesting.

People value being heard and questioned; this approach makes you appear like a brilliant conversationalist without requiring much of your own input.

3 people, independently

• Focus on listening and asking the right questions rather than trying to be entertaining.1
• Direct the dialogue toward them by inquiring about their interests and work, rather than sharing your own details.8
• Focus on the people you are with and ask them questions instead of worrying about how you are perceived.1
• Direct the conversation toward the person you are speaking with by asking about themselves, showing genuine interest without turning it into an interview.1

Be curious about the other person and ask questions that unlock parts of their soul, seeking to learn rather than worrying about what to say next.

It shifts focus from performance to learning about the person.

2 people, independently

• Think 'what can I ask next?' instead of 'what do I say next?'1
• Adopt a mindset of curiosity by asking open-ended questions about aspects of the other person's story that intrigue you.1
• Ask questions out of genuine curiosity rather than following a social script.6
• Focus on making conversation rather than just showing what you know to elicit engagement.1

Ask 'What keeps you busy?' rather than inquiring about their job or hobbies, allowing them to shape the conversation themselves.

This invites them to share their feelings on their own terms, preventing the discomfort of feeling judged for idleness or a lack of interests.

4 people, independently

• Ask people what they enjoy doing rather than what their job is.1
• Ask people what they do for fun instead of what they do for work to improve conversation quality and mood.1

Ask 'What do you like to do?' instead of 'What do you do?' to learn about their passions.

Asking about vocation yields less passion; asking about likes reveals what they really enjoy.

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Share stories, observations, or opinions to add value to conversations instead of only asking questions.

It puts people at ease by revealing your thoughts and helps you relax out of 'chess mode'.

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• Actively participate, engage, relate, and share stories in conversations rather than just asking questions.1
• Actively share your opinions and experiences, even when not asked, to provide hooks for the conversation and show authenticity.1

Treat people's questions as suggestions to talk rather than literal probes for specific facts.

This is the key to 'selling' yourself.

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Expand on their statements by linking them to earlier details or posing follow-up queries about their passions.

Posing a follow-up query is a solid beginning.

3 people, independently

• Remember what people tell you so you can ask follow-up questions later, such as 'How did ___ go?'3
• Pay attention to people's answers so you have follow-up questions later, such as asking about a pet mentioned earlier.1

Ask surprising 'why,' 'what,' or 'how' questions that let people talk about themselves to move the conversation along.

Deepening questions put someone slightly off-center but allow them to share their stories.

• Not everyone will want to engage; if they don't, it is not personal.

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Pick up on specific terms in their speech and ask follow-ups based on those words.

5 people, independently

• Pick apart the specific words in a person's sentences to find details to ask about.1
• Offer reactions to their statements or echo their words back to prompt them to elaborate.3

Memorize a list of simple, engaging open-ended questions and practice saying them aloud to use when conversation hits a lull.

This allows others to talk about themselves rather than you having to talk about yourself.

2 people, independently

Follow up vague responses with 'What did you do?' to signal genuine interest.

Some people need this pegging to know you are genuinely asking.

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• Follow expressions of enthusiasm with genuine questions to show interest and keep the conversation flowing.2

Ask questions about what the speaker says rather than making your own statements.

You can find many things to ask about in whatever they say.

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Pose open, sincere questions and pursue your curiosity about others.

Genuine curiosity and active listening make people like you, since everyone appreciates being liked.

• Asking questions is not a way forward to having better social experiences; you need to work hard on becoming more confident and having more to say for yourself.

3 people, independently

• Repeat what others say or ask questions that encourage them to expand on their topics.1

Ask only two questions and do not linger too long, ensuring you are truly genuine rather than asking many questions without showing care.

Asking many questions without being genuine fails to gain their interest.

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Volunteer small tidbits of information about yourself to give others hooks for questions and signal that you are open to connecting.

It helps people know what to ask about, opens up the conversation, and prevents them from feeling like they are breaching privacy by asking personal questions.

3 people, independently

• Volunteer information about yourself to break the ice when you do not know what to ask.1

Use jump-off points by asking about keywords or statements that pique your interest.

It helps keep conversations going.

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Show authentic interest in the other person's identity and motivations, avoiding questions asked merely to bridge silence.

Common interests form the foundation of friendships.

• Do not fake interest.

4 people, independently

• Ask open-ended questions to identify shared hobbies, build on those common interests gradually rather than all at once, and stop talking if the other person goes silent.1

Drive conversations with curiosity about the other person rather than observing yourself.

Curiosity is the primary skill needed for good conversations, regardless of personal experience with the topic.

• This approach may not work if you are genuinely not interested in the other person.

4 people, independently

Ask 'how' questions instead of 'why' or 'what' questions.

It lets people tell a story about themselves, is less confrontational than 'why', and more inviting than 'what'.

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Make comments between questions to contribute to the dialogue and allow for back-and-forth discussion.

It allows branches for back-and-forth dialogue.

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Do some initial small talk before asking direct questions about interests.

Asking too soon can feel abrupt, weird, or too direct for most people.

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• Explicitly state that you like the person and want a deeper conversation before asking personal questions.1
• Stop asking many questions once you have identified interests to avoid making the other person uncomfortable.1
• Ask general, easy-to-answer questions first to listen for clues about specific interests.1

Use the phrase 'what about you?' to return the focus of the conversation to the other person.

It goes a long way.

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• After finishing a personal story, explicitly ask the other person about their experience on the same topic to shift focus back to them.6

Speak a bit more if the other person doesn't say much when asked questions, giving them more material to work with.

It gives them more to work with when they don't say a lot.

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Ask where someone is from.

One person found this usually gets people talking.

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• Ask 'Where are you from?' to trigger storytelling and find commonalities.1
• Ask 'Where are you from?' as a starter question to help the conversation flow naturally.2

Interject your own stories and perspectives into conversations to help others relate to you.

It is part of getting them to like you.

2 people, independently

• Invite stories instead of one-word answers to show interest, as people love to talk about themselves and will like you more if they feel you are interested.1
• Occasionally share your own related stories or experiences to keep the conversation from feeling like an interview.1

Ask directed, open-ended questions instead of generic 'How was...?' prompts to avoid one-word answers.

Generic prompts often result in brief replies like 'good', 'yes', or 'no' without specific details.

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• Ask open-ended questions that require detailed answers instead of yes-or-no questions.21
• Ask for opinions or explanations of hobbies and work instead of factual questions like school attendance to avoid one-word answers.1
• Share specific anecdotes rather than asking broad questions to elicit detailed responses from others.1

Use specific curiosity-based starters like 'How does that work? I've never heard of that.'

It works because it shows you are curious.

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• Use the phrase 'Tell me...' to initiate stories or explanations.1

Before meeting friends, remind yourself they have topics they want to discuss and ask them questions.

You will learn more about your friends and stop dominating the conversation.

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Ask questions and act interested in topics you know nothing about to keep the conversation going, even if you don't care about the answer.

It keeps the conversation moving and can lead to mutual topics.

• One person dislikes this tactic, finding it like interview mode and boring because they don't contribute.

2 people, independently

Remind yourself to ask questions about others' interests even if you are excited about your own topic, to avoid seeming self-centered.

It helps prevent appearing like an asshole when you naturally want to talk about your own things.

• Particularly relevant for those with ADHD who may get excited about a subject.

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When training others, encourage them to ask questions to ensure they understand the task.

It ensures they know the answer, reveals if others are afraid to ask, and helps you adjust your training.

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Share your own thoughts and opinions instead of only asking questions.

Avoid making the other person feel like they are carrying the conversation alone, which can be annoying.

2 people, independently

• Add your own thoughts and feedback to the conversation rather than only asking questions.1
• Reciprocate in conversations by sharing commonalities or opinions instead of only asking questions.1
• State your own opinions or anecdotes if the other person refuses to ask follow-up questions, rather than remaining silent.1

Open conversations with 'How are you?' or 'What are you up to?' to allow for superficial answers that often lead to the other person asking you back.

This creates space for you to talk about yourself while they listen.

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• Continue asking simple questions during first meetings to make it easier to move past small talk in subsequent interactions.1
• Direct the conversation to parts of a story you care about by asking about related interests, even if the main topic isn't yours.3
• Listen for common ground and interject with relatable anecdotes or exclamations like 'Same!' to energize the conversation.1

Ask open-ended questions that cannot be answered with yes or no to make the other person feel important.

Open-ended questions provide multiple threads to grab onto and make people feel important.

2 people, independently

Ask deeper questions about the topic and share your own insights and experiences to add to the conversation.

This leads to great conversations.

2 people, independently

• Ask intriguing questions and build on what is being discussed to be effective in conversation.1
• Add your own opinion or experience after answering a question.1

Use an interview-style technique: ask a question, listen to the answer, and use that answer to inspire your next question.

It creates a flowing conversation.

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• Follow a pattern of asking a question, reacting positively, and asking again.1
• Analyze how skilled conversationalists structure their interviews to learn techniques like adding input.3

Become interested in others by asking open-ended questions so they know they've been heard.

This leads to the best conversations.

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• Involve yourself in discussions and appear engaged by asking open-ended questions.1
• Once the conversation starts, avoid short answers, ask open-ended questions, and look for commonalities by showing genuine interest in their opinions.1

Start discussions by asking 'What’s on your mind?'

This question launches discussions well.

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Ask 'How about you?' during awkward silences to return the focus to the other person.

It works for most topics.

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Lower your standards for what to say; even dumb questions are fine because people love to talk about themselves.

People love to talk about themselves regardless of the question's quality.

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• Cultivate the skill of listening and asking good questions while maintaining sincerity, as people love talking about themselves.2

Curate a list of favorite deep questions to ask people to get strong responses.

People usually respond very well to curated questions.

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• Create a list of intriguing hypothetical questions to ask people instead of relying on typical small talk.1

Ask questions about topics you don't know instead of pretending to know them.

It is easier to ask and come across as genuinely interested.

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• Ask questions about any topic brought up, even in small talk.1
• Ask questions from a place of genuine curiosity so they do not feel like an interview.1
• Ask honest questions and be genuinely interested even if you lack knowledge.1
• Show your interest by asking questions when you feel you have nothing to add to the conversation.4

Initiate conversation by asking a guy a practical question, such as whether he knows where a store or coffee shop is.

Most guys will respond to this type of question.

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Watch out for one-sided interactions where the other person only talks about themselves without asking you anything or bouncing ideas off you.

Some people do not like talking about themselves, making forced conversation feel off.

• Some people dislike talking about themselves.

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Indirectly create openings for sharing by talking around the topic you want to explore, rather than asking outright.

Asking someone outright can throw them off or feel rude.

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Ask questions about topics you don't know to learn more and keep the conversation going.

Asking about something you don't know is how you learn about other things.

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Relate your responses to what the other person is saying to create engagement.

This creates more engagement and prompts them to ask questions if they are interested.

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Ask the person what they are looking forward to.

One person reported this question has never failed them.

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Formulate spontaneous questions that relate directly to what the other person is saying and do not have obvious answers.

It shows you were listening and seems interested in them.

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Practice 'threading' by picking one part of what someone said and asking a question about it, relating to it, or comparing something with it.

This helps maintain the conversation.

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Start conversations with in-depth questions on topics you genuinely want to listen to.

Confidence and knowing what you want from an interaction causes people to follow your lead.

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• Find people who are genuinely interested in your topics rather than forcing engagement with disinterested listeners.1

Use questions to identify shared passions rather than just getting the other person to talk about themselves.

The goal is to quickly find a common subject to bond over.

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Listen to high-quality podcasts or interviews to observe how hosts balance speaking time with guests and ask supportive questions.

Observing host-guest dynamics teaches you how to ask good questions.

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Ask 'why' instead of 'what' to understand the deeper reasons behind someone's actions or preferences.

The 'why' reveals what makes people human and distinct, helping you learn more about who you are interacting with.

2 people, independently

Ask spontaneous or funny questions instead of clichés to lower someone's guard.

Spontaneity helps a lot and funny questions lower guards quicker than topics like the weather.

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Use 'Oh yeah?' as a conversational prompt to encourage the other person to continue talking.

It makes them feel heard and listened to.

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If stuck on what to say next, repeat the other person's answer in the form of a question to encourage them to elaborate.

They will likely give more details in response.

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• Provide substantial details or follow up with a related question when answering to give the other person something to respond to.1

Focus on positive energy, wonder, and open-ended questions to drive the conversation forward.

These are described as powerful skills and prime movers in a conversation.

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Use the 'Compliment, Encourage, Ask' framework: compliment to start, validate their response, then ask a question to move forward.

People love to talk about themselves.

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Piggyback off the other person's comments to steer the conversation toward topics you have in common.

You learn a lot about them this way.

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Ask for the other person's opinion on topics you know about instead of demonstrating your knowledge.

Asking what they think leads to a more rewarding conversation.

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Add 'useless information' or extra details to your responses to give the other person hooks to talk about.

It prevents conversations from being dry.

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• Start slow by adding a little more detail than you usually would to brief responses.1

Respond to questions by explaining why you were interested, then speak to overarching themes to find common ground.

Speaking to overarching themes tends to create more common ground.

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Respond to a question with a brief personal anecdote rather than just asking another question.

It allows the other person to ask follow-up questions about your story.

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Acknowledge or comment on what the other person said before asking your next question to avoid sounding like an interviewer.

It shows interest in their words rather than just moving to the next question, preventing the conversation from feeling like an interview.

2 people, independently

• Combine inquiries with personal remarks or guiding comments so the exchange feels conversational rather than like an interrogation.4

Remember unrelatable points from earlier in the conversation to bring up as questions during pauses.

It helps when you don't know what to say or are bored with the current topic.

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Ask questions to show interest and create opportunities to add your own thoughts.

People love to talk about themselves, which helps show you are interested.

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Play along when approached by throwing the ball back to the other person with questions.

It is easier than initiating.

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Ask how someone spends their days instead of asking about their job, to show interest without assuming they are employed.

4 people, independently

Hint at interesting bits of your life to let interested parties ask about them rather than volunteering information directly.

Most won't ask, but those who are interested will take the bait.

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Listen to 1-on-1 podcast conversations to observe how good conversationalists find questions.

You will begin to see how they find questions to ask that seem to come from nowhere.

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Start with basic questions to build rapport before progressing to deep, meaningful questions.

Asking deep questions straight away can intimidate people.

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Talk openly about your interests so others can learn about you.

Otherwise, the other person will not know you.

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Get the other person talking about themselves.

This is identified as the key to conversation flow.

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Treat conversations like tennis by asking questions and following up to connect, rather than trying to entertain.

The goal of conversation is connection, which requires two people playing.

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Keep a backlog of tailored questions ready to ask specific people.

Letting them talk allows witty responses to come naturally and helps you become more comfortable.

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Encourage others to talk by asking them to elaborate on their interests and validating their feelings.

It makes people feel important and shows genuine interest.

2 people, independently

Let conversation partners talk about themselves or their interests to keep them engaged and comfortable.

The person gets more interested because they are in their comfort zone.

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If you lack common ground with someone, ask them to share their passions and listen attentively by asking detailed questions.

People enjoy having an interested audience for what they love, which creates a positive impression.

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Discuss the other person's interests and occasionally make a minor error so they can correct you and elaborate on their passion.

People enjoy geeking out about their passions when given the chance to correct details.

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View conversations as opportunities to involve others in your story rather than conducting an interview.

You do not need to ask questions; instead, interact in a way that allows people to express their opinions on your story.

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Build sexual tension with romantic interests rather than asking neutral questions her brother would ask.

to make her attracted to you

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When asked how you are or when weather comes up, tell a short story about how something is impacting you to create a connection point.

It typically serves as a connection point.

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If the other person seems interested, directly share interesting details from your life instead of waiting for linear prompts.

Conversation is not a linear process.

• Only do this if they care about you.

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State your point firmly, then immediately ask a question to gauge others' opinions.

Asking for feedback makes people feel validated and ensures they listen if you are confident.

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Use hypothetical questions to pique interest and inform you.

They are fun and can inform you while piquing interest.

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Expand on your answers to small talk questions instead of giving one-word responses.

It makes the conversation easier.

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If you don't know much about a topic, ask questions and comment on parts of the answer you find interesting.

People love answering questions

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When answering 'how are you,' mention a specific upcoming event and then ask the other person about their plans.

This leads into a conversation.

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• Pair your greeting with an immediate question to ensure the conversation starts moving.1

Switch topics if your contributions aren't resonating or the other person seems uninterested, as you may be sharing with the wrong person.

To find something they are interested in.

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• If you have nothing to contribute, ask questions to gauge what the other person finds interesting.1

If you struggle to start talking about yourself, ask people to ask you specific and direct questions.

It can be hard to start talking, especially if a role has already been established in the relationship.

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Develop a habit of asking questions to bond with others; they often enjoy discussing themselves, which relieves your stress.

• The conversation quickly ends if they have the same issue (are shy/socially awkward).

3 people, independently

If you find yourself only asking questions, be assertive and share about yourself without waiting to be prompted.

Constantly making the conversation about the other person sets a pattern where they dominate the dialogue.

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• Ask questions and take an active interest in the other person's responses instead of dominating the conversation.1

Ask skilled conversationalists how they manage conversations to learn from their techniques.

This prompts them to talk more.

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Break silence in casual conversations by asking a question to drive the subject forward and show interest.

It drives the subject forward and makes it seem like you are interested.

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Listen actively, ask questions about what the person says, and offer stories or humor to give them material to ask you about.

Taking interest and providing hooks for reciprocal inquiry helps build connection.

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Ask neutral questions about local amenities like bookstores or record shops instead of personal questions like where someone lives.

Asking where someone lives can be intrusive unless they have asked for help moving furniture.

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Use the bounce back conversation technique: ask open-ended questions, interject personal opinions, and follow with related questions.

People love to talk about themselves.

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Ask strangers at a concert about the band or artist performing.

People generally love discussing music they enjoy.

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Ask good questions to engage others without needing to speak extensively yourself.

It reduces the pressure to talk.

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Be genuinely interested in your date's hobbies to encourage them to share more about themselves.

She'll gladly tell you about them.

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Inject your own opinions and experiences into conversations to prevent them from feeling like one-sided interviews.

• Some people dislike being quizzed constantly.

4 people, independently

Steer conversations toward topics that genuinely interest you when possible.

Asking things that don't interest you adds to your misery.

2 people, independently

Anticipate and expect various reactions to your stories to keep conversations going.

It is fun and motivating.

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Listen actively to identify topics the other person is ambitious or engaged about, then let them talk extensively on those subjects.

• Some people don't want to talk or don't vibe with you; it's not your fault, so move on.

3 people, independently

Interview the person by asking questions; this makes them think you are a great conversationalist.

they'll think you're the best conversationalist ever

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Engage with conversations by showing genuine interest in what your partner shares.

5 people, independently

Participate in dialogue during interviews rather than sticking strictly to set questions.

Sticking to set questions can cause you to miss opportunities to open up the conversation; participating opens doors.

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Volunteer information along with asking questions to ensure a two-way conversation.

Otherwise it becomes a one-way job interview that nobody likes.

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Start conversations with strangers by introducing yourself and telling a short story.

They will eventually start adding information after 5-20 minutes.

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Make random judgments or observations about the other person to invite elaboration.

If wrong, you get more information; if right, they are intrigued.

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Limit personal or hypothetical questions to people you are already comfortable with.

Personal questions can be misinterpreted if the person doesn't see your motivation, and hypotheticals have little point unless used to understand how someone thinks, which some view as personal.

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Use blunt but specific follow-up questions, such as asking for a favorite animal after hearing someone visited the zoo.

It can serve as an effective conversation starter despite appearing blunt.

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Make statements or observations about people instead of asking direct questions.

Direct questions can come across as irritatingly curious, whereas statements interest people because they like to talk about themselves.

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Invest more time and energy in sharing deeply with friends who demonstrate active curiosity by asking follow-up questions.

Asking follow-up questions is a clear demonstration of listening carefully and having active curiosity.

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Deepen conversations about music by asking specific follow-up questions about concerts, recent shows, or playlists rather than general genre preferences.

General questions like 'what sort of music do you like' are open-ended and may end quickly with a single word answer like 'folk' or 'indie'.

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Concentrate solely on the communicator to understand their message, which fosters curiosity and good questions.

Curiosity is the gateway to asking good questions.

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Ask about and express opinions and feelings instead of exchanging factual information, which often shuts down conversation.

Factual questions often lead to short answers that end the conversation immediately.

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Focus on enthusiasm, humor, drama, tone, and energy rather than just the factual content of the conversation.

Interest and emotion create an interesting conversation more than information does.

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Replace trivia-based conversation starters with open-ended questions that encourage sharing unusual stories or viewpoints.

Showing vulnerability and encouraging explanation of unique perspectives is more interesting than exchanging facts.

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Cultivate genuine curiosity about others to naturally generate questions and sustain engagement.

Curiosity makes you more engaged and talkative; without it, you lack interest in knowing anything deeper.

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Make declarative statements instead of asking questions to share information without making the other person feel interrogated.

When one person shares details, the other can get ideas for questions based on what was said.

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Answer questions about fun honestly with specific interests to keep the conversation going, rather than lying about activities you hate.

Honesty helps maintain the flow of conversation.

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Use 'being interested' as a tool to interview people until you find common ground you are actually interested in, rather than just acting interested.

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Memorize quotations and lyric lines to throw into conversations.

This grabs listeners' attention and makes you seem more interesting.

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If someone responds receptively to a compliment, segue into an open-ended question about their background or current situation.

It makes the interaction feel like a normal conversation quickly.

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Use the QAC method: Ask a question, Answer or connect enthusiastically, then Connect back.

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Focus on making the conversation the most interesting thing you are doing, thinking big picture rather than just planning answers, and be genuinely excited.

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If someone describes a feeling and asks if you share it, initiate depth by sharing a meaningful experience instead of simply answering yes or no.

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If you sense you are dominating the conversation or listeners have disengaged, pose a question to shift focus.

3 people, independently

Do not worry about silence or casual responses, as most people do not mind them.

People usually wouldn't mind if they weren't socially anxious.

• If you are socially anxious, you may overthink it.

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Practice boldness by asking questions when curious, stating opinions, and expressing feelings in real-time.

Over time, this trial-and-error process helps you learn when to speak and when to stay silent.

• Saying whatever you want isn't always good.

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Accept that being quiet is not a bad thing, recognizing that everyone is different.

6 people, independently

Whisper 'Tell me...' gently rather than saying it loudly.

Saying it loudly is too dominant; whispering yields the best effect.

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If you are quiet, tell people you are shy and trying so they can see your effort.

People understand and will be able to see the effort.

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Read the other person to gauge if they want to talk and go at their pace.

There are times when people do not feel like talking or have things they do not want to discuss.

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Test if someone is a real friend by seeing if you can be quiet around them without keeping the conversation going.

Real friends do not require you to keep talking when you do not want to.

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Circle back to quiet people later in smaller groups or one-on-one settings if they hesitate to speak in large groups.

It usually yields the best content.

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When facing conflict, ask yourself 'What would happen if I don't say anything?'

It is freeing to realize drama does not need your input.

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Slow down and listen.

It helps avoid talking over people due to nervousness.

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• Speak slowly to make it easier for listeners to focus on you.1
• Pause before speaking to take pressure off and appear contemplative.1
• Slow down interactions and ask people to repeat themselves without shame if you miss what they said.1

Do not compete for group attention; sit back, listen, and tell people you are listening if asked why you are silent.

Competing for attention is playing a game you can't win.

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Adopt the mindset that silence is natural and comfortable, not awkward, to signal confidence and empathy.

Sitting in silence without awkwardness signals confidence; silence is only awkward if you make it so. In some cultures, constant chatter is rude, making silence part of good etiquette. However, be aware that silence can imply critical judgement even if you aren't judging.

• Silence implies critical judgement, even if you aren't.

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• Do not explicitly call out or joke about awkward silence, as this makes people uncomfortable and ensures the silence becomes awkward.3
• Stop trying to force the conversation and allow silence to exist naturally.2
• Become comfortable with silence, recognizing that awkwardness stems from panicked thoughts, not the silence itself.1

Practice real meditation to still your mind and get used to silence.

Meditation can still your mind and help you be more present in conversation.

2 people, independently

Naturally reduce talking over time to change how new groups perceive you.

One person found that reducing talking led new groups to form an opinion that they talk less, resulting in comparatively more attention when they do speak.

• Based on one person's experience

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To break silence after a long period, open with a comment about the shared situation rather than a generic greeting.

It makes the interaction less weird.

one person who lived it

Work out a signal with quiet people so they can indicate when you are talking too much without having to interrupt you.

Interrupting can be scary for some people, and a signal allows you to notice and change earlier.

one person who lived it

If silence feels weird during a massage, explain what muscle you are working on or what you think the problem is.

Both parties need to feel comfortable, which may take a treatment or two to mesh.

one person who lived it

Understand that texting lacks non-verbal cues, which can cause people to miss signals that you want to continue a topic.

In text form, people do not get the input of non-verbal cues that they would pick up in person.

one person who lived it

Speak when there is background noise if it makes talking easier for you.

One person found it easier to talk with lots of background noise.

one person who lived it

Say nothing if you have nothing to say to an introvert, as they may respect the silence or be overstimulated.

They may respect you more for it, or lack of response may signal they do not want to socialize at that moment.

one person who lived it

• If searching for common ground fails after a few questions, stay quiet; introverts are okay with silence and will contribute if they are comfortable with you.1

Avoid saying stupid things just to break the silence.

It often makes the situation even weirder.

one person who lived it

Reserve small talk for breaks or down periods, and explain to colleagues that you cannot talk during busy times but will return to them later.

To avoid seeming anti-social or rude.

one person who lived it

Speak with energy and feeling rather than using a flat tone or crafting witty one-liners.

Most communication is nonverbal; it is how you say things, not what you say, that matters.

one person who lived it

Speak slower and with greater precision.

It is captivating for listeners and allows ideas to form better in their heads.

2 people, independently

• Speak slowly to appear deliberate, calm, and in control, allowing time to think before speaking.1

Allow brief silences in conversation by waiting a couple of seconds instead of filling the space.

The other person is compelled to load up their next point naturally.

2 people, independently

• Use pauses in conversation to communicate respect, thoughtfulness, and confidence.1

Wait before replying so your mind can process the input, projecting thoughtfulness.

The silence signals serious consideration and prevents filler noise.

3 people, independently

Allow others to fill silences if doing so makes them more comfortable.

Most people dislike silence and tend to fill it.

one person who lived it

Pretend to be natural and relaxed during conversations.

People might think you don't know how to talk rather than that you don't talk much.

one person who lived it

Accept silence as a valid form of connection by sharing a moment together without speaking, such as enjoying scenery.

People can connect non-verbally by simply enjoying a shared experience.

one person who lived it

Hang out in mutual or public locations rather than homes to avoid the pressure of entertaining or feeling like an intruder during silence.

Neither person feels like the host who must entertain, and guests may feel like intruders if quiet in a home.

one person who lived it

Avoid rambling or talking too long, especially when excited.

it turns people off

one person who lived it

• Stay on the direct topic and listen rather than talking excessively to avoid boring people.1

Stop having expectations to fill empty space and instead live in the moment, retreating into your own mind if needed.

It is perfectly acceptable to enjoy the silence.

one person who lived it

Reduce the frequency of filler sounds like 'uh huh' and 'mhmm' to avoid sounding robotic or intense, which can make people anxious and uncomfortable.

Saying these sounds too often makes you sound robotic or intense, failing the point of making people comfortable.

one person who lived it

If silence falls, look around and comment on a random object in the environment to take the pressure off.

It gives both people time to think and something might develop from it.

one person who lived it

Deflect questions about quietness by saying you are enjoying the company.

Flattery seems to be an out.

one person who lived it

Signal that you are processing thoughts by making non-verbal noises like 'hmm', holding up a finger, clearing your throat, or tilting your head.

It prevents appearing silent while you think.

one person who lived it

Wait until after sharing food to comment if you are not loving it, so you do not influence others' enjoyment.

Speaking up during consumption can negatively impact how others enjoy the food.

one person who lived it

Accept being quiet to listen more, which allows you to access more information.

Listening more leads to accessing more information.

one person who lived it

Speak less frequently so that others take your opinions more seriously when you do speak.

Opinions given too frequently are taken less seriously; silence makes people listen.

one person who lived it

If the other person is not talkative, lean into the silence, suggest changing the environment or activity, or end the conversation gracefully to make future plans.

You do not need to force it.

one person who lived it

Focus on proper enunciation and clarity rather than worrying about voice depth.

Being misunderstood is mostly because you don't enunciate properly, mumble, or don't speak clearly, not because your voice is too deep.

one person who lived it

Gesture with your hands while speaking to support non-verbal communication.

Much of our communication isn't verbal.

• This might feel weird at first.

one person who lived it

Speak up and project your voice to avoid being pushed out by stronger presences in groups.

Stronger presences tend to gather tighter, unintentionally pushing weaker presences out; speaking up counters this.

2 people, independently

Hum quietly and gradually increase the volume until the other person stops talking.

The confusion causes them to pause or join in humming, stopping their speech.

one person who lived it

Involve yourself visibly in conversations, as people may try to include you if they see you trying to participate.

People may assume silence means discomfort rather than disinterest, or they may actively try to get you involved if they see effort.

one person who lived it

• Be courageous in discussing things that interest you, assuming others may be interested as well.1

Consider reading 'Nonviolent Communication' by Marshall Rosenberg.

5 people, independently

Reframe the desire to talk as a need for deep, authentic, and truthful connection.

one person who lived it

Avoid making self-aware comments about awkward silences unless you have a substantive follow-up.

It makes the situation ten times worse otherwise.

one person who lived it

Economize your words when speaking.

Socially skillful people do this.

one person who lived it

If you are frequently talked over, try speaking louder, faster, and without pauses until you are finished.

This may prevent others from taking the floor during your sentence.

one person who lived it

Recognize that frustration often stems from clashing communication styles, such as interrupting during pauses, rather than malice.

Some people view minor breaks in speech as turns to switch speakers, leading to mutual frustration.

one person who lived it

Model calm behavior by listening without interrupting, speaking in a lower voice and slower pace, and maintaining relaxed body language.

The other person will take cues from your calm, civil demeanor.

one person who lived it

Contemplate what to say during quiet time or meditation to design conversation frameworks for later use.

This helps you avoid missing real-time opportunities.

one person who lived it

Vary your vocal inflection to avoid sounding monotonous or commanding.

A commanding tone may cause listeners to put up defenses, and neutral-only tones can be boring.

one person who lived it

Make pauses, emphasize important words, and speak loudly and clearly to eliminate filler sounds like 'ehms'.

Pauses help remove filler sounds.

one person who lived it

Mute group chats where you are ignored rather than leaving, allowing you to read updates when you choose without engaging.

Leaving can be perceived as a passive-aggressive action.

one person who lived it

If the other person does not seem interested in conversing, stop asking further questions and accept the silence.

5 people, independently

Accept that having less to say after talking for hours is natural and not necessarily a problem.

It is natural to have fewer topics the next day after a long conversation.

one person who lived it

Accept that silence is normal in group conversations and should not be forced; people may simply use their phones during these pauses.

Conversations should flow naturally.

one person who lived it

Use silence after asking questions during interrogations or elicitation scenarios.

People hate silence and will start talking to fill it.

one person who lived it

Adopt a 'never complain, never explain' rule to quiet down and avoid unnecessary commentary.

It helps you stay quiet, and the listener often does not care for the explanation.

one person who lived it

Pause for a moment to consider your reply; resist the urge to answer instantly.

13 people, independently

Accept silence or disinterest gracefully instead of forcing conversation if someone is not enjoying your company.

Great topics won't work if someone isn't interested in talking to you.

one person who lived it

Stay true to your natural communication style, whether you talk a lot or prefer silence, rather than forcing a different persona.

• If the other person cannot handle your natural style, let it go.

one person who lived it

If you are in a boring conversation at home, clean, cook, or play with pets while maintaining partial eye contact and giving brief verbal acknowledgments.

• This is harder to do when visiting someone else's house.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself that listening allows you to learn, while talking about yourself only reinforces what you already know.

This perspective helped one person stop talking excessively.

one person who lived it

If the other person does not contribute to the conversation, stop carrying it and accept the resulting silence as natural rather than uncomfortable or comfortable.

Silence in this context is neither uncomfortable nor comfortable; it is just natural.

one person who lived it

• Allow silence to occur naturally after a conversation ends to provide comfortable space, rather than dragging out the chat.1

In professional settings, invite quieter colleagues to finish their points or join the conversation.

This makes them feel valued and brings in important additional perspectives.

one person who lived it

Pay close attention to tone, as sarcasm may be interpreted differently than intended.

Tone matters more in speech than in writing, and interpretations of sarcasm vary between people.

one person who lived it

Accept that sometimes there is nothing to talk about or no connection, and recognize that this is okay.

one person who lived it

Accept silence intentionally to practice comfort with it.

Practicing intentional silence helps you feel comfortable with it, causing the pressure to disappear.

one person who lived it

Consider improv classes to learn how to handle silence and accept any conversational direction.

Improv teaches that it is sometimes okay to say nothing and sometimes okay to say anything.

one person who lived it

Stop over-filtering thoughts; share even mundane or potentially 'boring' ideas to avoid saying nothing.

Over-filtering leads to silence because everything feels too boring or socially unacceptable.

one person who lived it

Participate actively in conversations by asking engaged questions instead of just listening.

Not talking can make others feel you are uninterested or not enjoying their company; engagement helps friendships.

one person who lived it

Remain quiet and listen confidently when you don't know the topic, as taking control of every conversation is insecurity.

Taking control of every conversation is insecurity.

one person who lived it

Avoid monologuing.

Monologuing prevents participation from others.

one person who lived it

Say 'please don't interrupt me' repeatedly until the behavior stops.

• may feel rude

one person who lived it

Focus on saying something meaningful that provides value instead of speaking loudly just for the sake of talking.

4 people, independently

Wait until after yoga class to start conversations.

The environment during class is more contemplative rather than socially focused.

one person who lived it

Accept that silence is normal during gaming or focused activities because concentration requires brain power.

Having a conversation takes brain power which is being used for concentrating on the game.

one person who lived it

Avoid explaining things in excessive detail to prevent boring the listener.

Detailed explanations make people bored.

one person who lived it

Do an easy activity you both enjoy, such as gaming, to bond without the pressure of constant conversation.

3 people, independently

Engage with as many people as you can. Do not worry about feeling awkward; the process becomes simpler with practice.

It'll get easier

3 people, independently

• Start small by asking one simple question and following the other person's lead rather than waiting to feel ready.1
• Start conversations yourself rather than waiting for others to initiate.1
• Be proactive in social engagements by introducing yourself and starting conversations, even if someone sits next to you.2
• Start socializing with basic greetings, asking for the time, or other simple questions, then progress to passing remarks once that feels easy.1

Get a job that forces you to talk to customers to practice social skills and build confidence.

One person reported it was awkward at first but got easier and easier.

• This is one person's experience.

one person who lived it

• One approach that helped: take a job requiring frequent social interaction, such as sales, to practice and improve social skills through necessity.3

Film yourself speaking as if keeping a private video diary, then watch the clips back to spot ways to improve your conversational flow.

One user found that practicing this for several weeks improved their ability to sustain conversations.

3 people, independently

Take an improv class to learn that there is no right answer and to practice speaking with the right energy.

It helps overcome fear of speaking and difficulty maintaining eye contact.

one person who lived it

Practice progressive desensitization by starting with small steps like eye contact, smiles, and saying 'hi'.

This takes time to get used to but will do wonders for comfort.

one person who lived it

Adopt the mindset of being the person who wants to talk to others by thinking from their perspective.

One approach that helped: imagining someone random approached you and wanting to talk to them.

• Based on one person's experience.

one person who lived it

If you live in a large city, go to meetups to practice conversation with people you won't see again.

There are no consequences since you won't see them again.

one person who lived it

Practice striking up conversations with strangers who look bored and are not using headphones or phones.

It is low risk because you will likely never see them again.

• It can be uncomfortable sometimes.

one person who lived it

Meet in person frequently to make conversations feel comfortable and natural over time.

One person reported that while messaging was awkward at first, meeting in person for years allowed them to be themselves and have conversations that never die.

• Based on one couple's three-year experience.

one person who lived it

Keep practicing dialogue even if it feels clumsy at first, since it tends to become simpler with time.

Similar to other skills, repeated effort leads to improvement, despite early mistakes.

4 people, independently

If you struggle with joining a friend group, pick one or two specific people and become friends with them through one-on-one activities rather than trying to befriend the whole group.

Trying to befriend a whole group often leads to feeling like an outsider.

one person who lived it

Hang out with people in places where something is going on externally, such as bowling, hikes, or board games, rather than settings where the sole purpose is talking.

Talking becomes natural and you will feel much more comfortable after hanging out for a couple hours.

one person who lived it

Practice being fun with people separately to build comfort before applying those skills in larger group settings.

It helps you feel more comfortable when they are in a group.

one person who lived it

Start with small steps, such as saying hi to strangers every day.

3 people, independently

• Start by practicing talking more with friends to build comfort before attempting it with strangers.2

Work in retail to develop skills for talking to all kinds of people.

3 people, independently

Join a local Toastmasters club to practice public speaking and conversation skills.

One person reported wishing they had started six months earlier.

one person who lived it

• Take improv classes and attend Toastmasters meetings to improve your speech.3

If you speak a stranger's language, ask them if you can practice speaking with them.

They may be surprised and happy to chat.

one person who lived it

Observe how people talk, including their tones, body language, and tact, and quietly make notes about them in places like coffee shops to practice these skills.

One person picked up on these things to practice for themselves.

one person who lived it

• Practice conversing with someone you trust and observe how they interact with others to identify useful patterns.1

Learn to handle negative reactions or bruised egos from strangers without becoming jaded, as one approach suggests this can help progress social skills.

It allows you to progress your social skills despite some people not responding well due to their personalities or how threatening you seem.

• Some people may not respond well depending on their personalities and how threatening or non-threatening you seem.

one person who lived it

Use scripts only for formal phone calls requiring precise information, such as calls to a doctor.

It makes the process smoother.

• One person's preference for formal/precise contexts.

one person who lived it

Establish minor social targets, like inquiring about someone's hobbies or offering a sincere compliment.

Repeated practice and setting small objectives can make the process feel simpler.

3 people, independently

Read the chapter on keeping conversations going in Mark Manson's book 'Models'.

One reader found themselves returning to this specific advice nearly 10 years later.

one person who lived it

Try viewing women as potential friends first to make talking to them easier.

Approaching them like you would boys may reduce difficulty.

one person who lived it

Push yourself out of your comfort zone frequently to lower the barrier to engaging with people.

Frequent exposure lowers the barrier to engagement.

one person who lived it

• Force yourself to have frequent passing conversations, such as commenting on the weather or asking cashiers how they are, to wear down inhibitions.1

If you consistently feel left out of every topic, work out whether you are around people you actually click with, as this may be a compatibility issue rather than a social skills problem.

Consistently being left out might indicate a lack of click with the people around you rather than a social skills deficit.

one person who lived it

Take improv classes to help improve social skills and comfort in conversation.

21 people, independently

Take on a client-facing role to rehearse dialogue until it feels effortless.

4 people, independently

• Rehearse talking with people where you don't care about making an impression, then slowly shift to those you care about a little more.4

Build a base of relatable topics by consistently trying to befriend colleagues or fellow students.

This approach helped one person transition from having nothing to say to having relatable stories after two years of effort.

one person who lived it

Make your hobbies public by attending related events to find common ground with others.

You will feel comfortable.

one person who lived it

Push through the initial discomfort of making a voice call, as it tends to get easier after trying.

3 people, independently

Initiate low-stakes social interactions, such as calling a friend for their birthday or playing a game with family, to break out of silence.

It feels good when you want change.

one person who lived it

Warm up for social events by talking to cab drivers, bartenders, or other service staff beforehand.

It helps get into the proper mindset so it is not as difficult.

one person who lived it

Read 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' to learn basic conversational principles.

It covers the basics of socializing and has improved users' social skills and enjoyment of conversation.

3 people, independently

If you struggle with social skills, befriend outgoing people to help you acclimate to normal conversations.

It allows you to meet more social people and get used to standard interaction patterns.

one person who lived it

Practice vocal exercises daily to train yourself to project your voice during group discussions.

This helps ensure you are not drowned out by others' voices due to softness.

one person who lived it

Treat small talk as a scripted skill: answer 'good and you' when asked how you are, then follow up with a question.

Small talk has basic scripts that function like autopilot for socializing.

one person who lived it

Watch comedians to learn conversational techniques for small talk.

One person reported this helped them with small talk skills.

one person who lived it

• Watch stand-up comedy to help prepare for social interactions.1

Practice answering random questions with a friend to rehearse go-to replies.

This helps you avoid being caught without an answer.

one person who lived it

Practice conversing online, such as by commenting on Reddit, to focus on words without stressing about body language.

I found talking to people on reddit over the years helped me to become smoother when talking to people IRL.

one person who lived it

Practice social skills repeatedly rather than relying solely on reading about them.

Reading alone does not make one a master, just as reading about swimming does not make one a good swimmer.

one person who lived it

• Take action on social skills advice immediately rather than just reading about it.1

If you want to sound more energetic on the phone, walk around while talking.

One person found this energizes the body and improves vocal engagement.

• This is a personal preference.

one person who lived it

If you tend to aim too high and get discouraged, set tiny goals for social interactions, such as asking one question or simply reacting to the conversation.

Aiming too high can lead to discouragement or cold feet.

one person who lived it

Take up one-on-one conversations rather than group settings.

This reduces overwhelm and the feeling of having to compete for attention.

one person who lived it

• Take small breaks to be alone at social gatherings to process conversations and recharge.1

Practice socializing with strangers in low-stakes settings like waiting in line to build confidence without fear of long-term judgment.

Strangers won't bite, and if the interaction is awkward, you likely won't see them again.

one person who lived it

• Practice being friendly in low-stakes encounters, such as with shopkeepers or people in line, to get used to people's responses.1
• Practice socializing in low-stakes environments like lines, classes, or work interactions.1

Create your own group conversations rather than trying to inject yourself into existing ones.

It allows you to be engaged from the beginning without fear.

one person who lived it

Take a customer service job, particularly in the food industry, to force verbal practice and boldness.

The food industry forces you to talk.

one person who lived it

If you feel drained by social interactions, try simply being present and talking without a goal or punchline.

One person reported feeling more grounded instead of drained.

one person who lived it

Join group activities like sports classes or clubs to meet people with shared interests.

One person's life changed drastically after starting jiu-jitsu; another made many friends through workout classes.

2 people, independently

Read Dale Carnegie's books to build a foundation for casual conversations.

They laid a foundation, though they are a little dated.

one person who lived it

Practice social skills repeatedly, accepting that you will likely feel like a failure and stumble at first.

You get better by keeping going past the initial humiliation and feeling of failure.

one person who lived it

Initiate brief, low-stakes conversations with strangers, such as speaking to dog owners for about 15 seconds.

One person reported a drastic positive difference in their emotional state.

one person who lived it

Work jobs that require frequent interaction with many people, such as serving or retail, to practice social skills.

One person found these roles helpful for improving their abilities.

one person who lived it

Take improv or comedy classes to build verbal fluency in a supportive environment where failure is less scary.

One person reported gaining significant verbal fluency through this method.

• It can be awkward and involve failing miserably.

one person who lived it

Take a period of time away from social interaction to recharge before attempting to reconnect with others.

Stress from social media and quarantine can affect how you feel around friends.

one person who lived it

Read more fiction and harder books instead of self-help material.

It is described as the realist way to change conversational ability.

one person who lived it

Repeatedly enter social situations and accept failure as a way to build resilience.

Failure is described as a friend in this process.

one person who lived it

Practice asking questions in front of a mirror to visualize your demeanor and reduce discomfort.

It helps you see how you look when asking someone else a question.

one person who lived it

Join college clubs to meet people with similar interests and practice social skills.

Clubs provide a setting to connect with like-minded people while developing social abilities.

one person who lived it

Rebuild social skills through practice by engaging with immediate friends, relatives, and neighbors for appropriate periods of time.

Social interaction is a skill that shows when practice is lost.

one person who lived it

Do not obligate yourself to converse if you do not feel like it, as forcing it increases awkwardness; instead, find people who vibe with you through shared activities like listening to music.

Forcing conversation makes it more awkward.

one person who lived it

Join social hobbies related to your interests to meet people who share your passions, making conversations easier to start.

Meeting the right people removes the need for extroversion; shared passion makes starting easy.

2 people, independently

Initiate minor, risk-free dialogues during the day to prepare yourself for social interaction.

This keeps you socially engaged when required and increases your capacity for interaction before energy depletion occurs.

3 people, independently

Begin interactions with basic pleasantries such as 'Hi' or 'How's it going?' instead of overthinking or using complex lines.

Research indicates this is among the most effective methods for initiating dialogue; adding complexity makes socializing harder.

3 people, independently

• Start conversations with neutral topics like the weather to lower intimidation.1

Recognize that others generally do not care about your potential humiliation, which alleviates the fear of public judgment.

Realizing that no one is watching or judging can remove the barrier to starting conversations.

one person who lived it

Read books on small talk to understand social rules and avoid conversation sins.

Learning about conversation 'sins' helps realize things one might be doing wrong unintentionally.

one person who lived it

Practice social skills in places with like-minded folks, such as concerts, comic book stores, or group projects.

These environments make practicing easier.

one person who lived it

Take small steps to get out of your comfort zone, such as calling relatives or joining activities you don't particularly enjoy.

One person found this helped by focusing on company rather than enjoyment.

one person who lived it

Avoid trying to join conversations in settings where socializing is not expected, such as waiting at the DMV.

It is considered weird in those contexts.

one person who lived it

If social gatherings feel intense, try viewing the event as a video game where you are controlling an avatar interacting with other avatars.

It makes the experience less intense.

one person who lived it

Practice socializing in volume, even through superficial or painful conversations with people you don't like much.

Doing this teaches you to automate social cues and conversation tools.

one person who lived it

Read 'The Fine Art of Small Talk' by Debra Fine to treat social skills like an engineering problem.

one person who lived it

Bring at least one friend to social events to help you feel more comfortable.

3 people, independently

Listen to conversational podcasts featuring everyday life discussions to learn conversation flow, avoiding interview styles with long monologues.

It helps you learn how people have conversations.

• Be selective; avoid podcasts with interview styles that allow long monologues.

one person who lived it

• Listen to podcasts and research topics of interest to learn how to emulate engaging conversation styles.1
• Listen to conversational podcasts to observe how experts keep conversations flowing and pick up tricks.1

Practice storytelling so you have ready material for conversations, which can help reduce timidity.

Having a story to tell can make you feel less timid if the conversation goes somewhere.

one person who lived it

• Practice sharing personal anecdotes aloud when alone to become comfortable talking about yourself.1

Reduce reliance on phones to force yourself to practice social skills and struggle through difficult interactions rather than hiding.

Phones allow people to hide when situations get scary or tough, preventing necessary practice.

one person who lived it

Listen to podcasts like the Joe Rogan Experience when feeling nervous about conversations.

One person found it helps with feeling nervous.

one person who lived it

Work on improving your communication skills over time.

Everyone can improve with time.

2 people, independently

Treat conversations as opportunities to learn about someone or feel connected rather than performances.

You will feel less pressured to perform, making the interaction feel more naturally flowing.

one person who lived it

Make a throwaway Skype account if you care about safety when volunteering for conversation practice online.

For safety.

• if you care

one person who lived it

If you want to build friendships through shared hardship, try joining a difficult sport like cross country.

one person who lived it

Adopt a warm, friendly alter ego to bridge the gap between introversion and social engagement.

Hyping oneself up beforehand can help switch into this persona.

one person who lived it

Rehearse upcoming interviews, negotiations, or presentations out loud at home in advance.

One person reported it helped them.

one person who lived it

Start conversations by introducing yourself and honestly admitting you are trying to improve your conversation skills.

Being honest about being blocked can help open the interaction.

one person who lived it

Play fantasy sports with friends to gain enough superficial knowledge for passing conversations without caring about actual stats.

One person reported this helped them have passing conversations despite not caring about sports.

one person who lived it

Practice conversational skills in safe, anonymous online environments like wholesome streams or forums.

These spaces can feel safer and more comfortable over time.

one person who lived it

Gain real-life experiences outside your comfort zone to have more to relate to others, as lack of experience can hinder connection.

one person who lived it

Practice speaking expressively in front of a mirror when alone to improve how you share emotions and tone.

Being expressive with emotions and tone helps; practicing alone is not embarrassing.

one person who lived it

Watch people you admire, listen closely, and consciously imitate their conversational patterns until they become automatic.

Studying others and emulating the good ones helps you eventually use these techniques automatically.

2 people, independently

Practice speaking conversations separately from texting, as they require different skills.

Text chatting cannot entirely make up for the practice needed for speaking.

one person who lived it

Practice improv exercises to improve creativity and presence in conversation.

These activities help get creative juices flowing.

one person who lived it

If you struggle with important interactions like job interviews or presentations, watch this talk multiple times to internalize it and stay mindful during conversations.

It has helped in life situations involving women, job interviews, and presentations.

one person who lived it

Build friendships by experiencing things together, such as studying for stressful exams or going out, rather than just talking.

Experiencing events together, even difficult ones like stressful exams, tightens relationships.

one person who lived it

Observe successful conversationalists to identify what makes them effective and emulate those traits.

9 people, independently

• Watch educational talks on conversation skills, such as TED Talks.4

Consider joining Toastmasters to practice public speaking and conversation skills.

It has decent to good reviews, though it may not be a priority immediately.

one person who lived it

Practice going on tangents and asking deep questions deliberately.

Repetition helps acquire social skills.

one person who lived it

Take up cardio exercises to increase relaxation during social interactions.

One person found that active cardio workouts made them more relaxed socially.

one person who lived it

Invite people to do activities in person rather than relying solely on digital communication to sustain budding friendships.

New friendships cannot be sustained through non-IRL interactions.

one person who lived it

Try joining an organization like Toastmasters to practice communication as a learnable skill.

Communication is not easy for everyone but is a learnable quality.

one person who lived it

Simplify your approach to socializing instead of trying to systematize interactions to avoid awkwardness.

Trying to remember too much or systematize outcomes contributes to poorer performance.

one person who lived it

Initiate conversations with everyone you encounter to build the habit; accept that initial attempts will feel awkward until repetition makes them natural and reduces self-consciousness.

You cannot become good at starting conversations without doing it frequently; practice makes it easier and less forced.

one person who lived it

Observe how other people initiate conversations and copy their methods, as much socializing involves imitation.

Socializing is largely copying other people.

one person who lived it

Watch podcasts to improve conversation skills.

One person reported their conversation skills improved dramatically after listening to specific podcasts.

one person who lived it

Avoid overthinking every social interaction to prevent stunting the growth of your social skills.

Overthinking hinders skill development.

one person who lived it

Expect that practicing new social techniques may disrupt organic flow and feel awkward initially.

Active implementation of tips removes the sense of natural ease.

one person who lived it

Take small steps in sharing by mentioning minor noteworthy events about yourself before meetings.

This approach helped one person feel more comfortable sharing personal anecdotes.

one person who lived it

Imitate extroverted behaviors, such as speaking louder and using open body language, to ensure you are noticed.

Introverts often speak softly, making them easy to overlook.

one person who lived it

Memorize specific conversational lines to use in difficult social situations.

One person reported these helped in extremely difficult situations.

one person who lived it

If you struggle with initiating conversation, try picking up a hobby like training; one person found that solo practice occasionally led to strangers stopping for compliments or chats.

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Relax and be yourself by thinking you never have to see the person again if you don't want to.

This approach helps avoid putting on a performance.

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Allow yourself to stumble or pause in sentences and keep rolling forward.

Letting yourself fail models how others should treat you.

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Narrate your thoughts and actions out loud as if speaking to someone else to exercise the skill of speech.

One user found it works like a muscle that atrophies without use.

• You may look like a lunatic to others.

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• Talk to yourself aloud regularly to lubricate speech ability and make summoning topics easier.1
• Verbally articulate your internal thoughts while alone to practice speaking aloud.15

Write your thoughts down on paper to verify their logic and clarity.

It helps you see that they make sense.

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Write down opinions as they come to mind, even if they do not correlate yet.

It helps build up the courage to speak.

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Remove the internal filter that stops you from speaking freely.

Doing so will help you talk more freely than you were before.

one person who lived it

Stop trying to think of the perfect or wittiest thing to say; relax and have fun instead.

No one except you expects a perfect line every time.

one person who lived it

Stop worrying that people think you are lame or weird in conversation.

This fear is usually just in your head.

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Speak up when you feel your words have meaning, ignoring fear of the future.

Fear of the future can hold back fun in the present.

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Say what is on your mind; if it sounds weird, acknowledge it.

This pattern kills charisma and free-flowing conversation.

2 people, independently

Take risks by speaking first, even if it sounds weird or corny, to train your nervous system to stop sensing it as a threat.

There are no consequences for sounding boring, and over time this desensitizes you to rejection.

• This assumes there is a safety net; some situations have permanent consequences for failure.

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Cease overanalyzing and complicating interactions to let conversation flow naturally.

Naturalness emerges when you stop overthinking; it happens on its own.

4 people, independently

• React naturally to what you see rather than over-analyzing or deciding the purpose of a conversation beforehand.1

Blurt out whatever is going on in your head or distract yourself when thoughts turn toxic.

This helps get out of your head; egos are just projected images.

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Stop filtering your thoughts and share observations about what you see or how work was.

It is mostly practice.

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Rest in silence briefly to calm your mind before choosing a subject.

Speaking while anxious gives your words a 'stressed' taste that others pick up on; calming down helps.

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Shift your focus outward by listening to what the other person is saying and how they are reacting, rather than monitoring your own performance.

Feeling awkward often stems from focusing too much on yourself.

2 people, independently

Watch Amy Cuddy's video on body language and practice it.

It works.

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• Record yourself on video to identify and correct body language habits like fidgeting or avoiding eye contact.4

Voice your actual thoughts and share emotions you truly want to express.

7 people, independently

Connect using empathy instead of trying to perform; listen and observe to avoid disconnecting from the other person.

Worrying about what to say causes you to fly blind and makes your mind go blank.

one person who lived it

Develop a deep understanding of your own interests so you have plenty to talk about without thinking too much.

This makes your speech sound real, which is key to long-term success.

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Let nervous patients ramble briefly before guiding them to the point.

It allows them to get jittery, rapid-paced ramblings out first.

• Specific to patients or nervous individuals

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Keep your plans and progress private until you have achieved results.

Talking about goals can decrease the chance of finishing them by providing a dopamine hit similar to actually doing the work; building in silence prevents others from knowing what to attack.

• Some argue this advice makes you invisible and reinforces fear of what people think.

2 people, independently

Remind yourself that authority figures are people who have been in your position before.

This mindset allows you to relax.

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Stop searching for the 'right thing' to say and instead mix up various conversational techniques to appear natural.

Searching for the right thing can make you invisible among peers; talking should come naturally.

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Accept that some of your responses will be random or weird rather than trying to make every line smooth.

People often only notice the smooth moments, so being okay with randomness helps.

one person who lived it

Speak out loud to yourself for 60 seconds on random topics every morning to warm up your brain.

Pre-forming sentences reduces processing lag in real conversations.

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Stop filtering your thoughts as 'not good enough' for conversation; simply say what pops into your head.

Adults filter due to fear of judgment, whereas children have no such filter.

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Ask close friends for permission to vent quickly before sharing problems, then thank them afterward.

It allows you to get things out to feel better while acknowledging their kindness.

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Work out as a form of meditation by focusing on the exercise to stop inner chatter.

It leaves you feeling more light-minded.

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Stop judging your thoughts before speaking them to contribute more naturally.

Judging your thoughts before saying them can leave you with nothing to say due to meta-cognition.

one person who lived it

Stop calling yourself shy, as that label generates the behavior you want to avoid.

That just generates what you don't want

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Avoid overthinking your comment so you do not miss the moment; a quick, relevant comment can get a big laugh.

Overthinking causes you to miss the timing.

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Challenge the belief that you have nothing valuable to say, recognizing that this feeling often stems from a fear of not being valued rather than a lack of content.

The feeling is derived from fearing people won't find value in your contribution, which is not true.

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Say something even if you are worried, then deal with the consequences to build skill through practice.

Moving on after dealing with outcomes helps you get better at talking.

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Adopt a 'just do it' mindset to overcome the fear of rejection before approaching someone.

The best stories often follow saying 'ah fuck it,' and it is better to act than to remain inactive.

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Stop overthinking your inability to speak confidently by accepting that you might just not be vibing with the person.

Putting pressure on yourself to talk never worked; cutting yourself some slack helps.

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Script out mini-essays for common questions like 'what do you do for fun' or 'what are your passions' to have a general structure ready, even if you don't memorize them.

Having the answers scripted provides a helpful structure in your head.

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Let go of the need to say the perfect thing and stop editing yourself too much during conversation.

Self-editing leads to issues in conversation.

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Prepare a few talking points or answers in your head before entering known social situations.

It helps you respond smoothly when asked questions and reduces anxiety by rehearsing potential conversations.

4 people, independently

• While driving, rehearse possible future scenarios and conversations to clarify your thoughts for actual socializing.1

Talk out loud to yourself at home to improve verbal flow and speech ability.

3 people, independently

• Practice speaking solo by recording a monologue on a topic you enjoy.3
• Practice singing loudly in private to improve speaking volume and reduce mumbling.1

Do not plan conversations or phone calls word by word in advance.

Improvising teaches you to speak spontaneously.

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• Treat conversations like improv by building on what is given rather than preparing lines.3
• Stop meticulously planning conversations in your head and instead improvise during the actual interaction.1

Paint a scene and explain how you felt when sharing a story.

This helps the listener visualize it and puts anxious feelings aside.

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Keep things lighthearted and shift attention off yourself to reduce self-consciousness.

Deeper relationships happen when you are not trying too hard.

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Format your speech into a story with a main character, plot, and setting to capture attention in groups.

Everyone loves a story.

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Practice speaking freely without worrying about how your words will be received.

It is okay if your words are not received perfectly.

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Take up daily fun activities like dancing in your room or singing loudly in the car to enjoy being yourself.

Banter and fun conversation come more easily when you enjoy being yourself.

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Speak in ways that bring you personal enjoyment rather than trying to impress others.

This keeps you out of your head, allowing words to come naturally instead of fishing for impressive ones.

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Make parts of your story that cause listeners to zone out more concise.

Noticing zoning out allows you to improve the story through conciseness and wordsmithing.

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Practice speaking softly at a normal speed to prevent jumbled speech caused by thinking faster than you speak.

It helps conversing with strangers become second nature.

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• Slow down your speech pace during conversation to improve pronunciation, enunciation, and reduce rambling.1

Focus your attention on your toes, then shift it to the social group to stop overthinking.

Thinking hinders socializing rather than helping it.

one person who lived it

Practice speaking without filtering your thoughts to train your brain to craft better responses over time.

It may sound awkward at first, but practice improves response quality.

one person who lived it

Reduce your expectations of yourself when you are tired and go blank.

It is understandable to go blank when tired.

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Imagine walking with a close friend to relax the pressure to perform or tell stories about yourself.

This is a common, relaxed way of talking that feels endless and removes performance pressure.

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Imitate the speech, charm, and facial expressions of a charismatic person until you develop your own unique style.

You need uniqueness so people do not notice you are copying them over time.

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Relax your anal sphincter while moving and talking, and notice when it tightens.

Resting attention on this bodily sensation reduces thinking.

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Focus on being present in the interaction instead of sticking to a rehearsed plan.

10 people, independently

Forget your pride and start saying something, no matter what, to overcome self-consciousness.

Once you start, everything becomes much easier.

one person who lived it

Take a brief pause and look away when speaking to someone intimidating to let nerves settle.

Looking away for a second allows nerves to chill and words to form in your head before speaking.

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Focus on the energy or vibe you are projecting rather than worrying about the specific words you are saying.

6 people, independently

Flow with the conversation naturally rather than consciously planning what to say or focusing on avoiding looking socially inept.

Focusing on not looking socially inept prevents ideas from coming; flowing allows stuff to talk about to come to your brain.

• If you don't have anything to say, don't say anything.

one person who lived it

In one-on-one conversations, create a judgment-free zone by admitting embarrassing or unproud things yourself.

It leads to better conversations.

one person who lived it

Treat recording yourself talking as a transition between self-talk and social interaction.

It feels more real than just thinking, but you are still alone.

one person who lived it

Ground yourself in the present moment rather than overthinking to feel safe and comfortable chatting.

Being 'in your head' causes discomfort; being grounded creates safety.

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Rehearse topics or keep a list of questions on your phone to refer to if you cannot think of anything in the moment.

Having prepared material helps when you struggle to think spontaneously.

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• Jot down thoughts beforehand to help organize them if you struggle to articulate them spontaneously.1

Do not drink alcohol during conversations where you need to be verbally sharp.

Conversation is a verbal chess match, and alcohol handicaps you.

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'Play dumb' and avoid overthinking to keep focus on the task of interacting.

Overthinking takes focus away from actually doing the task.

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Reframe the pressure of conversation by reminding yourself that you deserve to be entertained by an interesting partner too.

This self-talk reversal helps take the pressure off yourself.

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Stop overthinking and pressure yourself to act authentically.

Acting like your authentic self helps you relate more.

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Say whatever comes to mind first instead of computing the best response.

Your personality will guide you, and witty cleverness comes from failure and experience.

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Focus your internal attention on being genuinely interested in the person you are talking to, rather than worrying about how they perceive you.

One contributor reported that making this internal shift changed everything for them after struggling with it when younger.

one person who lived it

Change your self-concept from 'shy and quiet' to 'someone who talks to people' rather than trying to change your external reputation.

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When telling a story, do not stop to correct minor details or discuss memory lapses; just convey the main point.

Stopping to correct trivial errors disrupts the flow of the narrative.

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Practice tongue twisters to help with enunciation.

It might help with enunciation.

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Keep a written list of topics or thoughts to remember to bring up in conversations, especially when stress causes forgetfulness.

Stress can make you forget things you intended to say.

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Force yourself to interject in conversations despite the fear of failure, viewing failure as experience.

Failure is experience too.

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Avoid internal filtering during conversation to keep your focus on the interaction rather than the filter.

Internal focus shifts attention away from the conversation.

• Not filtering oneself has messed people up in the past; consider thinking before speaking instead.

one person who lived it

Make your responses more specific to maintain pace and tempo during conversation.

It helps prevent losing pace or tempo during long rants.

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Express yourself freely without trying to keep a mask or force effort into holding a conversation.

Letting go makes interaction effortless.

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Write letters to express your thoughts and read them out loud to practice vocalizing them before speaking directly.

This practice can make it easier to speak directly over time rather than relying on written composition to avoid misinterpretation.

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Write down your questions or talking points before a meeting so you can read them out if needed.

This leverages the ability to excel in rehearsed environments.

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Talk directly about your feelings rather than forcing conversation.

Talking about feelings leads to a better place of understanding.

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Record yourself speaking or reading aloud and review the footage to identify communication habits and areas for improvement.

Watching the recordings allows you to see how you communicate and pinpoint where you need to improve; repetition helps you get used to it.

2 people, independently

Choose positive versions of thoughts instead of voicing negative ones.

6 people, independently

Practice being assertive to overcome freezing up in conversations.

Freezing often stems from undervaluing your own opinion and keeping things on safer topics.

one person who lived it

Practice gratitude journaling and express gratitude in speech.

It helps counteract anxious negative headspaces where you might otherwise have nothing genuine to say.

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Just talk about what's on your mind without overthinking, recognizing that not every conversation needs to be deep or meaningful.

The other person most likely isn't analyzing every social move, so you shouldn't either.

one person who lived it

• Stop overthinking your actions and words during social interactions.10

Write down potential conversation topics in a note before socializing to avoid panicking.

• Writing things down does not work for everyone; some find it cringe-worthy to re-read their writing.

5 people, independently

Converse with yourself aloud while reading or absorbing new content to discuss questions and musings.

It helps you learn and remember information better.

one person who lived it

Try creative writing like poetry or simple observational journaling to become more aware of your surroundings and develop personal opinions.

Being honest with yourself and aware of what is going on around you promotes self-awareness.

one person who lived it

Take up 'System 2' thinking during conversations to move beyond automatic responses.

Many conversations remain boring because they stay on 'System 1'.

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Reference better responses you thought of later in your mind to make accessing them naturally easier next time.

Referencing them in your mind makes it easier to access them naturally when speaking next time.

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Identify the specific triggers or temptations that lead you to divulge too much information and actively suppress them.

To prevent saying something stupid.

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Phrase statements to consider the audience's emotional state so they can understand without extra effort.

It reduces the work needed for the audience to overcome emotions to understand.

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Seek new experiences and actively push them into your memory to build material for future conversations.

Your brain will eventually get better at this naturally.

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Describe mundane activities using positive, upbeat language and tone to change the impression they give.

The words and tone used alter how an activity is perceived.

one person who lived it

Reduce social media usage to allow your brain to recondition itself.

Apps condition the brain to expect constant stimulation; stepping away helps tolerate boredom.

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Practice conversation like a sport or instrument until it becomes muscle memory and a flow state.

Experience and pattern recognition allow speaking to become automatic.

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Consider that visual or nonlinear thinking styles make on-the-spot verbalization difficult.

Thinking visually or nonlinearly creates difficulty when trying to verbalize thoughts immediately.

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Decide beforehand whether you will introduce yourself or join in, as this preparation helps execution.

Preparation helps execution.

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Stop analyzing past conversations for missed responses.

It causes distress without improving future performance.

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Act naturally in social interactions without overthinking scripts.

There is no code or script to follow; sometimes conversations arise and sometimes they don't.

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Write out a brief, interesting 'Potted History' of yourself before an interview and practice it to make delivery easier.

Practicing beforehand makes the actual interview easier.

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Read more books to expand your vocabulary and improve word recall during conversations.

Reading expands vocabulary and allows you to remember better words.

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Practice free association by picking a random word and saying aloud the first word it reminds you of, then the next, without hesitation.

3 people, independently

Practice conversations mentally by simulating starting phrases and anticipating responses.

• This is based on one person's practice routine.

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Practice linking current conversation points to relevant personal memories to maintain an associative mind that keeps conversations going.

Having an associative mind helps keep conversations going, though it comes with practice.

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Cut down on cursing in conversation.

Frequent profanity kills conversation.

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Let your thoughts flow freely and easily during conversation.

4 people, independently

Adopt an energetic, playful mindset toward conversation, treating it like an unbreakable object you can juggle rather than something fragile.

one person who lived it

If verbal speech is difficult or effortful, carry post-it notes with pre-written answers to communicate.

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Start small by talking to one person at a time, asking simple questions, and listening, rather than trying to engage a whole group.

Most people aren't judging you; they're thinking about themselves.

3 people, independently

• Let talkative people initiate the chat while you respond, and do not force interaction with those who seem reserved.1
• Approach conversations with warmth; attempting to speak is the only way to begin.3

Ensure you are able to handle teasing before engaging in it to foster trust and respect.

Fosters trust and respect.

• If you cannot take it, it is probably going to backfire.

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Open up and share parts of yourself to encourage the other person to open up as well through reciprocity.

Sharing can make the other person feel safe to share too.

3 people, independently

• Wait for the other person to open up before sharing things about yourself.1
• Let your guard down confidently and share detailed stories about your life to encourage the other person to do the same.1
• Read the other person's willingness to open up; if they do not, hold back your own personal information.1
• Share details about your own day or activities to encourage reciprocity from the other person.2
• Start telling people mildly personal things to make them more comfortable reciprocating.5

Be engaging by being honest and saying what you actually think, which is what the vast majority of people won't do.

It is the fastest way to be engaging because most people avoid it.

one person who lived it

Talk to strangers, such as store clerks, as if they were family members.

One person reported that this approach results in the other person being nice or receptive most of the time.

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Begin chats by noting neutral, immediate details like weather or nearby items if you wish to engage.

It signals interest and helps determine if others appear open and friendly.

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• Treat new acquaintances like friends from the start to signal openness to interaction.5
• Initiate conversations by stating your name and purpose, then asking what the other person is doing.1

Observe people to find two odd or interesting things about them, then inquire or compliment those details.

People love to talk about themselves, which can encourage them to engage with you.

one person who lived it

• Walk up to people confidently, take a deep breath if needed, smile, and start conversations with simple topics like their day or compliments.1
• Approach people by complimenting a specific detail about them, such as their hair, outfit, or shoes.1
• Break the ice by complimenting something specific about a person.3
• Compliment specific items like clothing, nail polish, or accessories to open up conversation with retail or service staff.1
• Give a sincere compliment about something the person has control over, like their outfit or hairstyle.3

Keep good posture, smile, and greet everyone, including asking how they are doing.

People often stop to talk just because of this.

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• Greet people you don't know or rarely talk to with a simple 'hi' and a smile.9
• Smile, state who you are, recall names, maintain eye contact, and focus while others speak.3
• Offer a smile to passersby to prompt them to return it and start a conversation.5
• Smile and say hello to acquaintances even in passing, using their name.3

Let others talk about themselves to gain their favor.

They may not know what you are about, but they will think you are a great person.

one person who lived it

Find common ground with the other person and work from there.

That tends to help.

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Bring slightly more energy than the current vibe when joining a new group.

It helps you be accepted and prevents accidentally killing the vibe.

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Invite acquaintances to join you in activities casually by stating where you are going and saying they are welcome to join if interested, rather than making a direct request.

This lets them know they are invited without creating pressure.

6 people, independently

Practice relating to people by sharing opinions or tiny connections to what they say.

It helps people feel they trust you and gives you things to say.

one person who lived it

Focus on making the other person feel comfortable and have fun, rather than trying to make them like you.

One person found this shift helped because they realized women seek similar things: someone to laugh with and who makes them feel special.

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Approach groups as if they are already your friends to appear more approachable.

It shows out and makes people seem more approachable.

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Read body language to gauge interest; if the person is not interested, politely leave and do not dwell on it.

They do not care about you, so you should not care about them.

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Try to make your date laugh by telling stories or making quips.

Social chemistry is important for dating.

one person who lived it

Try not to impress the other person; just be yourself.

Trying too hard to impress can hinder conversation.

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Reveal personal information gradually rather than all at once to avoid scaring people off or causing awkward silence.

Opening up all at once might scare them off or result in awkward silence.

• Don't offer up enough personal information, or people may remain uninvolved.

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Create a comfortable venue, such as taking someone out for coffee or a walk, and listen to allow them to share how they are really doing.

A simple prompt doesn't create enough connection; people won't suddenly share real feelings by just changing a standard question.

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Talk a little more about yourself if the other person seems guarded, to help them feel safer that you won't intrude.

The person appeared more relaxed because they felt safer.

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Ask someone to attend an event you are both already going to to lower the pressure on both of you.

There's less pressure on both of you.

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Send a message through one of the person's friends to approach them.

Men may get excited to help a buddy with women.

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Focus on the feeling and comfort shared between people rather than just the verbal content of the conversation.

This is a step toward becoming comfortable with others and yourself.

one person who lived it

• Focus on finding common ground emotionally rather than just sharing factual information.1

Use a firm handshake rather than a limp one.

A limp handshake is unpleasant; a woman would prefer a handshake that is too firm over one that is too weak or limp.

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Match the other person's energy and pacing to make them feel more comfortable around you.

Pacing yourself to match their speed (quick/excited vs. slow/calm) increases comfort.

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Observe the feet of people in a group: if they turn toward you, they are inviting you to join; if they stay pointed inward, they likely want to remain exclusive.

Feet give away true intentions according to body language books.

• One source calls reading foot positions meaningless nonsense and says to just say something that adds to the conversation.

one person who lived it

Take up non-casual, fact-based conversations to build long-term friendships through safe vulnerability.

It provides a place for the other person to share things and be safely vulnerable.

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• Build deep friendships over years by talking openly, practicing self-acceptance, and asking questions about the other person.1

Find commonalities with others, but ensure the connection feels genuine rather than obvious or fake.

The other person will sense if you are being fake.

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Pretend to be interested in a conversation until genuine interest develops.

Usually, actual interest follows the act of pretending.

• This may feel disingenuous if you are genuinely not interested.

3 people, independently

• Speak to someone only if you are genuinely interested; do not fake engagement.1

Project warmth and presence through eye contact, facing the speaker, and a soft smile rather than relying on words.

Nonverbal cues are more important than words; projecting warmth reduces the need for many words.

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Show interest and emotions to close family members to demonstrate the value of opening up to them.

They share a special bond.

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Appreciate one quality of the other person to break the ice.

A radio jockey advised this and it worked for one person.

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Develop real curiosity about others instead of relying solely on tactics to survive a chat.

Dialogue tends to flow naturally when there is genuine interest.

4 people, independently

Become genuinely interested in the people you are talking to rather than just trying to keep a conversation.

Giving genuine care is described as a superpower.

2 people, independently

• Be genuinely interested and present with others rather than treating them as interesting to perform for.1

Imagine you are chatting with a friend to relax and find a natural flow in small talk; avoid imagining someone too close, like a best friend, to prevent confusion.

People warm quickly to those who share thoughts and appear relaxed.

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Treat others as if they are interesting.

People will perceive you as interesting in return.

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• Decide consciously to be interested in people.1
• Strive to be both interesting and interested in others.1
• Show genuine interest in the other person's life and interests to encourage them to reciprocate.1
• Cultivate genuine interest in other people, your own preferences, and life in general.1

Be honest and act naturally when talking to someone, rather than pretending to be someone else.

Pretending to be someone else can be a turn-off; people appreciate when you are yourself.

one person who lived it

Give someone a direct compliment in person.

People often enjoy talking about themselves and may share more information in response.

• Consider using appropriate compliments.

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Speak your mind freely without trying to impress others to gauge genuine interest.

It frees you to speak and instantly reveals if the other person is not interested.

one person who lived it

Talk to people as if you have known them for years to let yourself be yourself.

one person who lived it

If you attend music festivals, buy a box of cigarettes even if you do not smoke to invite conversation from those who ask for one.

People asking for a cigarette feel obligated to talk to you.

one person who lived it

Compliment people randomly, preferably those you are interested in, ensuring the compliment is genuine and not cheesy.

You will soon realize it is normal.

• This is very difficult at first.

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Practice small talk with older people, who are often grateful for the attention.

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Look for genuine interest in the other person's eyes, gestures, or intonation before deciding to share deeply.

If genuine interest is absent, sharing deeply may feel like talking to someone who doesn't care, leading to shortcut answers.

• Do not ask deep questions immediately as it can be irritating.
• Keep something to yourself until you find someone who deserves to know your deep thoughts.

one person who lived it

Engage with senior relatives in a warm manner.

Their family members will appreciate it greatly and view you as a cool person.

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Adjust the depth of your sharing based on the other person's comfort level, allowing them to go as deep as they can handle.

It prevents the interaction from becoming an all-or-nothing situation.

one person who lived it

Focus on vibe and curiosity over scripted lines; make casual comments about what they are wearing, holding, or doing.

Most people do not remember exactly what was said.

one person who lived it

Focus on face-to-face interaction over texting to progress friendships.

You cannot reasonably bond or progress a relationship via text.

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Confidently share about yourself, as people often listen and ask questions when you do.

It is enjoyable and part of socialization.

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Start with eye contact rather than conversation to build presence first.

Words can come later after presence is established.

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Mention something good about the other person to encourage them to share stories or show off.

People thrive when recognized and want to feel recognized.

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Compliment specific aspects of a person's style, such as their shoes or hair, if you genuinely like them.

Saying something like 'Hey I like your shoes' is always nice when genuine.

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Introduce a bystander to the people you are speaking with by stating they are your friend and may join the conversation.

Prevents the bystander from feeling like an excluded or creepy outsider.

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Match your conversation partner's preference by zooming in on details or out to concepts.

It helps you connect with them.

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Focus on being genuine and friendly over trying to be witty or unique.

People can detect authenticity and desire it even if it is not interesting.

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Tailor your response based on closeness: give brief positive answers to acquaintances and share more with close friends.

Close friends want to hear more details.

one person who lived it

Talk to women as normal human beings rather than focusing on their gender or using pickup artist tactics.

Women can tell the difference and are more comfortable around those who see them as normal people; pickup artist patterns are often not helpful.

one person who lived it

Ask a crush for help with an assignment you are struggling with to gauge their receptiveness and interest.

Seeing how receptive they are to helping gives an indication of whether they are interested.

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Practice eye contact to signal that you are approachable.

It helps others perceive you as approachable.

one person who lived it

Take up light chitchat and banter about things you see in your periphery with new people to establish friendship before discussing deep ideas.

Connect with the person first, not deep ideas that aren't connected to the person themselves.

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Do not push small talk unless the other person engages immediately.

Many people don't care for small talk.

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Be yourself and share your genuine experiences to attract people who care about who you actually are.

4 people, independently

Increase your energy, passion, ideas, interest in others, and playfulness to become engaging.

Lack of these traits is boring; turning them around makes you fun for yourself and others.

one person who lived it

Recognize that if texting feels like hard work, the other person may not be genuinely interested.

Genuine interest means the conversation won't be hard work.

one person who lived it

Do not rush into things; focus on not messing up early dates and be authentic.

Insecurity isn't attractive.

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Treat new acquaintances like best friends by relaxing, smiling, walking towards them, showing interest in their answers, asking follow-up questions, and telling jokes together.

They may become your best friend.

one person who lived it

Avoid lying about yourself to seem interesting.

It leads to feeling that others only like your fake persona, making the relationship feel empty.

one person who lived it

Introduce yourself casually early on to invite the other person to share their name, then use their name a few times during the conversation.

Using their name can have a significant positive effect.

one person who lived it

• Use the other person's name during conversation.1
• Introduce yourself by stating your name and acknowledging the potential awkwardness of not knowing names.1
• Introduce yourself with your name later in the conversation rather than immediately, as names are less important before a connection is made.1

Use time-appropriate greetings, such as asking how someone is feeling in the morning or how their day was later, to make them feel important.

Taking the time to ask something sets you apart and makes the person feel important.

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Be honest and transparent about your motives when approaching strangers to avoid seeming sneaky.

Admitting that it's weird but showing your lack of bullshit helps everything go fine.

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Incorporate topics around fond memories or silly stories from the other person's past.

They will associate you with positive feelings and feel closer due to confiding in you.

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Initiate social contact by inviting others rather than isolating yourself and waiting for invites.

Isolating yourself signals disinterest.

3 people, independently

Accept small talk as a gift of someone presenting themselves to you.

one person who lived it

Be vulnerable rather than correct to foster meaningful connections.

Meaningful connection involves opening up, which carries the risk of getting hurt but allows for deeper meaning.

one person who lived it

• Open up and share personal vulnerabilities to build deeper connections.1

Give genuine compliments or positive observations followed by a question or friendly tease.

It makes people happy to talk to you and breaks the ice.

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Stay on surface-level topics with people you barely know, reserving deeper personal exposure for those with whom you have a real bond.

One approach that helped: needing a real bond before involving oneself in a deeper conversation.

one person who lived it

Do not try to artificially impress women or speed up the process of being seen as impressive.

Women see right through artificial attempts to be something you're not; she will be impressed by someone she's impressed by naturally.

one person who lived it

Limit sharing personal information until you fully trust the other person or they overshare first.

People tend to respond positively when you limit your initial disclosure.

one person who lived it

To avoid appearing invisible, stand up straight and use hand gestures to signal engagement through your body language.

Body language reflects how you feel; if you feel invisible, your body likely reflects that.

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Be genuine and open about your own interests and hobbies.

People react positively to someone being themselves.

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Relax and match the energy of your friends, showing interest without feeling pressured to talk the whole time.

Anxiousness shows.

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Direct your attention to ensuring the other person feels at ease, rather than concentrating on yourself.

14 people, independently

Approach conversations with confidence, warmth, enthusiasm, and playfulness.

Warmth is critical for making people relax and like you.

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Admit you do not know anyone at a party to encourage others to introduce themselves.

Showing vulnerability usually prompts kindness from people who are not jerks.

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Match the other person's level of self-disclosure to test if they are interested in a reciprocal friendship.

If they continue engaging despite your self-disclosure, you have deepened the friendship; if they are narcissistic, they will stop contacting you.

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Share some personal anecdotes to avoid being pigeonholed as a 'Listener Only' and to help others form a complete model of you.

Not sharing makes you too approachable, energy-intensive for you, and fails to fill out the other person's understanding of who you are.

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Project comfort and confidence in your silence so the other person is likely to share that attitude.

Your comfort influences the other person's attitude.

one person who lived it

In group settings, make an effort to look at everyone, especially those who appear open or are smiling.

Appearing receptive and open makes you more likely to receive attention from others.

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Enter conversations with genuine interest in the other person's thoughts, focusing on topics you personally care about to make it easier.

Charisma is making everyone you talk to feel like the most important person in the room.

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Avoid focusing on specific outcomes like getting contact information to preserve the human element and fun of connecting.

Making it about an outcome removes the human element and the fun.

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Show genuine curiosity about friends' mundane experiences to build bonds and inside jokes.

Small random things provide threads to pull for bonding, laughter, and future inside jokes; ignoring them can make you seem disinterested in what matters to others.

one person who lived it

Interpret a colleague's lack of initiation as potentially lower interest, but consider alternative explanations like introversion or workload.

While lack of initiation might mean less interest, some people struggle to initiate even if they like the other person, or prefer instant messaging due to introversion.

• Introverts or IT workers may prefer IM
• Some people struggle to initiate despite liking the other person

one person who lived it

If you find that only listening and asking questions leads to shallow connections or attracts people who disappear when you need support, try sharing more of yourself.

Relying solely on being a good listener can attract poor conversationalists and push away those who would help you enjoy socializing.

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Walk up to someone and say whatever comes to mind, even if it seems awkward, as long as it is genuine and respectful.

People enjoy being approached, especially with genuine compliments.

one person who lived it

Treat finding common ground as a game to quickly become invested in the interaction.

Finding the hook quickly leads to actual investment.

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Keep your arms unfolded and look interested to encourage others to include you.

Folded arms and disinterest signal that you do not want to be included.

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Ensure you have a genuine desire to understand something about the person before approaching them.

Without this driving force, your conversation will falter.

one person who lived it

Keep job descriptions brief when meeting someone new, as people get bored easily before they have invested time in getting to know you.

People lack invested interest early on and get bored easily.

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Test the waters with small talk to gauge interest through body language before committing to a longer conversation.

Socially anxious people may shut down others via body language if approached incorrectly.

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Focus on body language, smile, eye contact, posture, and tone over the specific words spoken.

One person believes first impressions depend more on delivery than content, provided it is not offensive.

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Make making the other person feel good about themselves your main job function in conversation.

4 people, independently

• Aim to make people feel comfortable and light rather than trying to be 'cool,' which can create distance and intimidation.1
• Focus on expressing genuine curiosity rather than obsessing over befriending someone.3

Bring interest, warmth, and enthusiasm to the conversation, prioritizing vibe over specific topics.

Vibe matters more than the actual topic; warmth goes farther than a list of interesting subjects.

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Join activities centered on your hobbies and interests to meet compatible people, then be selective about who you invest time in.

Surrounding yourself with a shared interest serves as an excellent medium for passion.

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Tell guests about common interests they share with other attendees before the event.

It makes people comfortable beforehand.

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Show genuine interest in getting to know the other person first, rather than expecting them to entertain you.

To receive interest or praise, you must give it first; genuine curiosity encourages engagement.

one person who lived it

Accept that physical attractiveness influences who gets acknowledged in conversations.

Some people only have interest in interacting with attractive people, leading to 'pretty privilege' where others answer instead of the speaker.

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Start striking up conversations directly rather than just observing.

Observing changes the interaction, similar to quantum physics.

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Respect personal boundaries. Avoid closing the distance or making abrupt moves so the other person feels at ease.

3 people, independently

Create energy and enthusiasm in the conversation to invite others to reciprocate.

People love clarity, and bringing energy helps draw others in.

one person who lived it

Build trust gradually by discussing immediate, low-stakes observations about your shared environment before asking personal questions.

You need to set a level of trust before prying; starting with shared experiences like weather or clothing is a safe first stage.

one person who lived it

Be patient and allow time for trust to develop, as some people take longer to open up.

3 people, independently

Become genuinely interested in others to encourage them to talk about themselves.

You'll always make friends.

one person who lived it

Use people's names when speaking to them to foster a sense of connection.

5 people, independently

Check for genuine interest before speaking at length to avoid blabbering on unwanted topics.

Assuming interest leads to social failures where the other person is not engaged.

one person who lived it

Avoid social or dating advice that relies on gender-specific tactics, pickup lines, or misogynistic strategies.

Such advice is often awkward and fails to build genuine connections because men and women are not that different.

one person who lived it

If you are building your personality, take initiative in activities and be genuinely invested in your own interests.

Being happy with doing your own things allows for genuine connections if others find it interesting too.

one person who lived it

Instead of trying to be charismatic to everyone, find one person at a time to click with and enjoy that interaction.

one person who lived it

Acknowledge and display your unique traits, such as nerdiness, to avoid becoming uninteresting.

Hiding these traits can make you seem uninteresting.

one person who lived it

Observe the person you are with as if they were a work of art, noticing positive qualities to activate empathy.

Noticing positive qualities about them will activate empathy.

one person who lived it

Seek mutual interest to make opening up easier over time.

Feeling comfortable depends on both you and the other person; mutual interest makes it easier to open up over time.

one person who lived it

Smile more during conversations to signal openness and encourage others to ask you questions.

Body language cues like smiling can influence how others interact with you.

one person who lived it

Be direct and honest in your communication, framing it within friendship.

People typically appreciate this type of directness.

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Let the conversation end naturally and endure awkward silence to see if the other person will reciprocate effort.

If they do not show curiosity about you, you learn valuable information about their interest level.

one person who lived it

Use non-verbal cues like smiling, laughing, and nodding to establish cultural compatibility before exchanging practical information.

This acts as a social handshake to determine if you are of the same culture.

one person who lived it

Use positive body language by smiling, matching the other person's energy, and using empathetic touch to build rapport.

It helps build rapport.

one person who lived it

Avoid sharing deep personal vulnerabilities with strangers immediately.

It can make people uncomfortable because you do not yet know if they are trustworthy.

one person who lived it

Initiate conversations with new acquaintances to make them feel comfortable enough to reciprocate once they know you.

Most people want others to start conversations; passivity often results in no interaction.

one person who lived it

Be present and see people somewhat frequently to avoid awkwardness.

Leaving long stretches between interactions can make things awkward.

one person who lived it

Do not ask for personal information like 'where are you from' before saying hi or confirming interest.

Asking for personal information before establishing contact is a faux pas.

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Reveal personal details gradually and in small pieces only when others actively ask or when the topic is directly relevant.

Focusing on listening to others often leads them to eventually notice they do not know much about you, facilitating relationships.

one person who lived it

Demonstrate sincerity in conversations to encourage others to open up and become more interesting partners over time.

sincerity influences them to open up

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Frame the context of your interaction to show awareness of social norms, demonstrating vulnerability as confidence.

Vulnerability is confidence.

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Share unsolicited information about yourself to invite others to open up.

Being open and honest translates to sharing info even if unsolicited, which helps make good conversation.

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Share relevant personal experiences to demonstrate empathy and connection.

Avoiding self-disclosure entirely can make you seem disconnected or uninteresting.

one person who lived it

Position yourself within communicable distance of someone rather than approaching them from afar to increase the likelihood of a successful conversation.

Directly approaching someone from a distance yields less success than being already nearby.

one person who lived it

Focus on being positive, fun, and emotionally stimulating over being conversationally interesting when building a connection.

These traits rank higher on average for building connections.

one person who lived it

Treat banter as having fun in conversation with others, not as a manipulative social tactic.

It is simply enjoying interaction, which people do with friends regardless of romantic interest.

one person who lived it

Clarify your intentions (e.g., friendship vs. romantic approach) before engaging.

4 people, independently

Do not force a conversation if the other person seems uninterested or if there is a lack of chemistry.

Forcing interaction often results in poor engagement when interest or chemistry is absent.

one person who lived it

Offer a small piece of personal information first to help overcome others' narcissism or hesitation.

Most people are more narcissistic than realized.

one person who lived it

Reciprocate greetings like 'How are you?' to improve the interaction.

Failing to reciprocate can make the other person feel slighted, while reciprocating can positively change their attitude.

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Keep your interest level milder and avoid appearing super interested, as this can cause the other person to lose interest.

Coming across as super interested often causes the other person to lose interest.

one person who lived it

Express your thoughts and feelings within reasonable good manners to attract compatible people and filter out incompatible ones.

one person who lived it

Approach conversations with the intention to get to know the person and be true to yourself, without expecting anything in return or fearing rejection.

one person who lived it

Adopt the mindset that everyone likes you until proven otherwise and view yourself as likable and interesting.

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Compliment the other person sincerely and appropriately.

Once they are flattered, conversations normally become much easier.

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Cultivate genuine curiosity about other people's lives and stories rather than just mechanically guiding thoughts to avoid awkwardness.

one person who lived it

Replace discomfort with curiosity to create comfort in social interactions.

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Use small talk to implicitly communicate safety and lack of harm before proceeding with deeper interaction.

one person who lived it

Avoid using abstract or deep questions as initial conversation starters with strangers.

3 people, independently

Broaden your hobbies, read books, and seek new experiences to generate material for conversation.

Having things to do and learn gives you content to share and helps you relate to others' experiences.

10 people, independently

• Do things you are curious about to build a pool of subjects for conversation.3
• Create talking points by participating in their hobbies or discussing media they consume, like books or series.3
• Pick up a hobby and find communities with similar interests to have built-in conversation topics.9
• Take up activities such as reading, attending events, creating things, or visiting places to have content to share in conversations.1
• Pick up a low-commitment hobby to have something to discuss.1
• Do fun, exciting, and new activities to generate diverse experiences that provide material for conversation.1
• Start hobbies or engage in interesting activities to generate genuine topics for conversation.4
• Read books, watch documentaries, and learn about social psychology to broaden conversation topics.1
• Fill voids in your life with hobbies, reading, and activities to ensure you have substantive content for conversation, as a boring life leads to being a boring person.1
• Take up new activities like classes or clubs to generate shared experiences and conversation topics.1
• Read books, get a hobby, or travel to develop enough interests and experiences to share.1
• Share your own interests and hobbies with friends to provide conversation material.3

Talk about weather, sports, or non-controversial news because these topics are light and simple.

They are easy to build on.

• Very few people have a genuine interest in the weather.

one person who lived it

• Use situational observations, weather, politics, sports, news, music, movies, TV shows, mutual friends, personal events, and deeper subjects as conversation topics.5
• Use common topics such as weather, lifestyle, sports, animals, or immediate surroundings to make conversation.6

Discuss interests, hobbies, pets, or food instead of work.

The world is too work-obsessed and people are more than their jobs.

one person who lived it

Learn about the topics your friend group discusses to gain weight in conversations.

It helps your opinion hold a little more weight with them.

one person who lived it

Use shared interests to spark conversation.

Being a fan of the same thing (e.g., football) can spark a conversation.

one person who lived it

• Open up by asking about favorite movies or series to find common ground.2
• Use weather, TV shows, movies, or mutual friends as last-ditch conversation topics.1
• Start conversations by asking 'Hey, anything interesting lately?'1
• Use general topics like movies, exercise, food, music, or hobbies as conversation starters.1
• Start conversations with simple, low-stakes statements about trivial preferences.1
• Bring up topics that interest you or your conversation partner and speak with enthusiasm.3

Keep conversation topics dynamic rather than staying on the same topic for too long.

Staying on the same topic for over 10 minutes can bore people.

2 people, independently

• Follow the natural flow of the conversation rather than forcing topics you want to discuss.10
• Ask about future plans, interests, or upcoming events without prying too much.2
• Concentrate on moving the conversation from one topic to another instead of trying to craft the perfect comment.3
• Keep the conversation flowing by adding to the current subject or transitioning to related topics.5
• Ask follow-up questions about friends' established interests and hobbies to deepen conversations.4

Ask people about their niche hobbies and listen as they discuss them in depth.

They will appreciate that you are willing to let them talk about topics they usually cannot discuss in depth.

one person who lived it

• Ask about hobbies and interests, as people enjoy having an audience for their passions and this usually works well in social contexts.1

Write down interesting points from news or social media each morning and flesh them out slightly to prepare two-minute interaction topics.

It keeps the topics in your mind and provides prepped material.

one person who lived it

Read more books to learn new words, facts, and turns of phrase to drop into conversation.

One person reported becoming far more interesting since starting to read more.

one person who lived it

If you have supportive colleagues or friends, discuss your dreams and ideas with them instead of gossiping.

It provides a fruitful subject for conversation.

• This depends on having peers worth discussing such topics with.
• Some may find this intrusive or assume it stems from low-quality social advice seminars.

one person who lived it

Use small talk to infer a person's temperament, emotional state, and worldview by observing their reactions to neutral topics.

Reveals how they observe the world and process events.

• Sharing negative truths about one's life isn't always a gesture of anger; it may just be frustration.

one person who lived it

Connect with peers who share your hobbies to make participating in discussions simpler.

Deep familiarity with a topic makes it easier to discuss.

3 people, independently

• If you struggle to talk about all topics with everyone, find people who share your specific interests.1
• Expand your general knowledge and experiences to make conversations easier; one approach that helped someone was browsing Wikipedia extensively.1
• Initiate conversation in low-pressure group settings, such as collaborative projects, to find shared interests naturally.1

If you run out of things to say, ask simple questions about the other person, such as where they are from, their hobbies, or their children.

Simple questions like 'Are you from here?' can lead to fun conversations.

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Start conversations based on common ground and keep a steady pace to ensure flow.

People like a flow.

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• Allow conversations to change direction naturally rather than forcing them back to your preferred topics.1

Read more to have more topics to discuss.

You'll have more things to talk about.

one person who lived it

• Read the news and follow pop culture to have ready-made topics like recent movies or articles for conversation.7

Compliment someone's coat to start a conversation.

One person complimented a girl's coat and she became their girlfriend.

• Based on one person's experience

one person who lived it

Observe how women who do not know each other converse to learn quick rapport-building techniques.

They pick easy-to-relate-to topics and build rapport very quickly.

one person who lived it

Stick to casual chat and steer clear of heavy subjects until you have built enough connection.

6 people, independently

• Turn standard greetings into conversation topics by adding a detail about your current activity.1
• Ask questions related to the immediate situation or context, such as homework or books read, rather than generic topics like weather.1
• Prepare a couple of backup questions or topics before socializing to help start the flow of conversation.14
• Force yourself to initiate a conversation every now and again.3
• Progress conversations from shallow topics like weather to personal subjects, and finally to feelings.4
• Start conversations based on the shared context or surroundings, such as a class or event.3
• Mentally prepare roughly 5 topics or questions before a one-on-one interaction to deploy when conversation lags.3
• Create a list of personal topics or stories you are comfortable discussing, such as hobbies or interests, to use in conversation.4
• Steer conversations toward things you find interesting and away from boring ones.6

Write down conversation prompts or topics you find interesting in advance to use as starters.

Thinking ahead gives you more time to prepare before the conversation ends.

• This approach does not always work.

3 people, independently

• Prepare interesting facts or topics in advance to share when the conversation turns back to you.1

Discuss current events or shared activities, such as a movie you watched together.

It is easier to talk when you are out doing things together.

one person who lived it

• Do more activities together to see if it sparks conversation.3

Write a list of potential conversation topics on paper to help you remember them.

It helps you remember what to talk about.

one person who lived it

View small talk as an important tool for connecting with family and friends rather than something to hate.

Short interactions with strangers are proven to make us feel happy.

one person who lived it

• Reframe small talk as a tool for emotional connection rather than information exchange.2

Bring up other topics to see if the other person has different interests beyond the dominant one, such as sports.

Some people who seem focused on one interest, like sports, may also share other interests, such as being nerds.

one person who lived it

When catching up with someone you haven't seen in a while, list three or four different updates rather than drilling into details on one topic.

This provides conversational hooks for the other person to choose from and avoids dumping an endless enumeration of things.

one person who lived it

Recall noticeable moments from each day, such as a good meal or a funny incident, to keep conversation topics ready.

This ensures you always have something to say at the top of your mind.

one person who lived it

Share your thoughts and opinions on topics even if you do not have a personal story to tell.

Group discussion often ends up being about people's opinions rather than stories.

one person who lived it

Write down three special things that happened each evening.

This helps build a reservoir of conversation topics.

one person who lived it

Engage deeply with your interests so you can discuss them beyond superficial levels.

People who go deeper than just seeing what everyone else did are able to talk about things more substantively.

one person who lived it

When asked about hobbies, pick one thing you are passionate about and discuss it in depth rather than listing everything.

The goal is to share what you are excited about with confidence, not to give an interview.

one person who lived it

Wait for a natural segue or relate a new topic to the current subject rather than forcing a sudden change.

Starting unrelated topics out of the blue seems weird, whereas seguing feels natural.

one person who lived it

Take up conversation because you want to, viewing it as fun, rather than feeling obligated to do so.

Conversation is fun.

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• Shift your outlook to view conversation as a way to spread your good mood or make someone's day, rather than a chore.1

Change the subject if the current topic does not interest you.

Staying on an uninteresting topic leads to boredom.

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Start conversations with small talk about safe topics like hobbies or career before moving to intense subjects.

A large swath of people do not hate small talk, making it a good starter.

one person who lived it

• Start conversations with specific topics like homework, then transition to personal small talk by asking about their daily life.1
• Use small talk topics unrelated to news or sports, such as observations about the weather, to break the ice.1

Develop hobbies or skills you are proud of so you have interesting topics to discuss when asked about your free time.

Having a wide range of interests makes it easier to engage people in conversation.

one person who lived it

Talk about yourself, such as recent events, opinions, or plans, even if they seem random.

It is described as the easiest thing to do to break silence.

one person who lived it

Dig around to find common ground in sports, hobbies, or lifestyle choices to create a pivot point for deeper connection.

7 people, independently

• Join hobby-based groups like Hacklabs or makerspaces to find common ground, such as a shared interest in making things, electronics, or woodworking, to help with conversations.1

Value and talk about mundane activities, such as new series, shopping experiences, or news items.

How you value and discuss things matters more than the events themselves; treating them as special makes them so.

one person who lived it

Talk about news or current events to create rapport naturally.

It is an easy and natural way to see what the person thinks.

one person who lived it

• Try using current events, media, or weather to kick off chats at any gathering.3

Break into a conversation by saying 'that's what I said,' then engage further on your own.

This phrase can be used whenever to initiate contact.

one person who lived it

Lower your standards for small talk quality, focusing on sharing feelings rather than content.

Small talk is more often about sharing feelings than content.

one person who lived it

Focus on one-on-one conversations because they flow easier and allow you to control the direction.

One-on-one interactions allow you to control where the conversation is going.

one person who lived it

Attend events like comedy shows or theatre, then go for drinks or food afterwards to discuss the experience.

It provides something specific to talk about.

one person who lived it

When in a specific setting like a gym or a child's sports practice, initiate conversation about that immediate context.

People love to talk about themselves.

one person who lived it

Avoid sports as a primary small talk topic since it is not everyone's interest.

Sports aren't everyone's thing.

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Ask questions and show genuine interest in the other person's life to find common ground.

People tend to like talking about themselves, and finding a mutual interest makes conversation less effortful.

2 people, independently

Balance meaningful conversations with casual 'shooting the shit' to maintain strong friendships.

Many people desire to talk about inane stuff; failing to do so risks them never thinking of you or involving you in anything.

one person who lived it

Open small talk with strangers by giving a compliment followed by a question.

It is a good opener.

one person who lived it

Do not skip small talk, as it provides necessary connection; without it, interactions may feel disjointed.

Skipping it may result in a lack of connection between conversational partners.

• Some neurodivergent individuals prefer skipping small talk.

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Discuss subjects to get unique perspectives on things.

It helps you learn about the person so you can form future conversations accordingly.

one person who lived it

Plan an activity for the date, such as bowling or an escape room, to provide natural conversation breaks.

Having something to do can be helpful by allowing fun and chat while providing breather moments.

one person who lived it

• Choose interactive activities like billiards, ping pong, or bowling for dates.1

Take the lead in social interactions by introducing yourself and learning about others, rather than waiting for common ground to appear.

• Don't pressurize yourself to fit in; it is okay to be a misfit.

6 people, independently

Study a person's interests beforehand so you can discuss topics they care about.

It makes them feel important.

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• Casually look up random topics online so you can engage with others' interests.1

Approach people without expectations and let the conversation flow naturally.

Meaningful conversations can't be planned.

3 people, independently

• Enter casual conversations with an open mind rather than overthinking or planning itineraries.1
• Take up small talk without any presumptions or intentions, expecting nothing from the interaction.1

Cultivate interest in a wide variety of topics to connect with people more easily.

Broad interests help with easier connections with others.

one person who lived it

Ask about others' lives to keep the conversation going, even if you are not personally invested in the topics.

Adults may not care deeply but can maintain talk this way.

one person who lived it

Discuss neutral topics like weather, media, science findings, or celebrity gossip to keep interactions safe.

Talking about personal preferences or opinions can make people feel scared.

• This approach may not apply to rural post-secondary places, where being more open might be better.

one person who lived it

Take classes in random subjects to discover new hobbies.

It provides material for conversation and a place to practice chatting.

one person who lived it

Skip standard small talk by sharing an observation, thought, desire, or request for advice to initiate conversation.

Standard small talk is difficult and often fails to lead to interesting topics.

one person who lived it

Initiate conversation with coworkers by asking about their tenure, opinions on work, local sports, lunch spots, or work outings.

Work topics are easy for everyone to relate to, while outside-work topics make you seem interesting.

one person who lived it

Get people talking about themselves.

People generally love to talk about themselves.

6 people, independently

Enter every conversation with the mindset of learning something new, even if you already know the subject.

Taking in new knowledge can add to your perspectives.

one person who lived it

Initiate conversation by discussing your immediate environment or seeking views on the location.

Shared context fosters connection, and the setting is your sole commonality initially.

• If the response is not warm, find someone else who is interested.

6 people, independently

Broaden your knowledge across a range of topics to become comfortable discussing diverse subjects.

Knowing enough about various topics allows you to spark conversations even if you are not an expert in any one subject.

one person who lived it

Recognize that you articulate thoughts better when discussing passions, and apply this energy when the discussion turns to you.

that's the key

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Ask what movie or show someone was recently enjoying rather than their all-time favorite.

It brings excitement, passion, and definitiveness that keeps the conversation going longer.

one person who lived it

Complain about minor inconveniences as a conversation starter if you are in Germany.

It is described as a standard starter there.

• Specific to Germany.

one person who lived it

Use 'I bet you...' statements to insert observations into conversation when unsure how to bring them up.

This approach works well for inserting noticed things into the conversation.

one person who lived it

Start conversations by commenting on or asking about events happening in the immediate environment, such as a fender bender or a noisy bystander.

Nonsense or shared observations are the easiest things to talk about and signal a desire to talk.

2 people, independently

• Start conversations by making a low-risk comment about something happening in your immediate environment.2

Take up side-by-side activities, such as gaming, to allow for conversation without requiring intense focus or eye contact.

It allows for incredible conversations while providing something to look at that doesn't demand full attention.

2 people, independently

Focus on short, interesting conversations over long, boring ones to leave a bigger impression.

A 5 minute interesting conversation leaves a bigger impression than a 30 minute boring one.

one person who lived it

Share the responsibility for finding conversation topics with your partner.

Conversation requires effort from both people.

one person who lived it

Use the HEFE method (Hobbies, Entertainment, Food, Environment) for initial conversations instead of FORD.

Everyone has hobbies, entertainment preferences, and food likes/dislikes; these are safer topics than family or work.

• Avoid asking about family or work early on as people may hate their job or have difficult family situations.

one person who lived it

Use observation-based phrases like 'I notice,' 'I wonder,' or 'It reminds me of' to contribute to conversations without needing shared hobbies.

These frames allow you to make observations, ask questions, or connect topics to your own experience.

one person who lived it

Treat conversation as a way to build bonds rather than gather information.

Talking strengthens the relationship regardless of the topic.

one person who lived it

Begin chats by asking about their day, then adjust your next move based on how they respond.

4 people, independently

• Use standard openers like 'How was your week?' to start conversations.3
• Use simple questions like asking if a seat is taken to initiate conversations easily.1
• Begin interactions with simple greetings like 'Hi, how’s it going' and let the conversation flow naturally.10
• Start conversations by asking basic questions about the other person's life, such as their job, favorite places, or how they know your mutual friend.8
• Start conversations with acquaintances by discussing shared contexts, such as school or work.3
• Introduce yourself and ask for names to naturally start a conversation.6

When discussing movies or games, skip small talk and directly ask if the other person has seen anything decent recently.

These topics are open-ended.

one person who lived it

Find out about interesting local topics, events, or issues to use as talking points with coworkers.

One person found this approach really helpful.

one person who lived it

Use vague statements and banter that could apply to anyone so everyone can relate.

Vague statements allow everyone to relate to the banter.

one person who lived it

Keep up with the news and dabble in common topics like cooking, exercise, and television to have plenty of conversation fuel.

It offers plenty of conversation fuel.

one person who lived it

Ask if the other person wants water or ask about their commute to break initial tension.

It provides a natural excuse to avoid awkwardness and helps ease talking tension.

one person who lived it

Talk about mundane, everyday details like food preparation or shopping finds.

Such conversations bind people together even though the topics seem stupid.

one person who lived it

Avoid bringing up politics, religion, sex, race, or culture in public conversations or at work unless speaking with close friends.

Talking about these topics can be perceived as racist or inappropriate, even when unintended.

one person who lived it

• Avoid discussing politics, religion, abortion, or other opinion-heavy topics.1

Carry an interesting object, such as a musical instrument, to serve as a natural conversation starter.

It makes it more likely people will talk to you because they may share the interest or have always wanted to try it.

one person who lived it

Steer conversations toward analogous subjects you are familiar with by relating them to your own experiences (e.g., roommates instead of wives).

It helps you stay in your comfort zone while remaining relatable.

one person who lived it

Invite someone for a drink to establish an informal agreement to socialize for about 30 minutes.

This lowers the pressure of open-ended conversation.

one person who lived it

Allow conversations to hop organically between subjects instead of forcing a linear path.

There is nothing wrong with organic subject-hopping.

one person who lived it

Use the weather as a conversation topic, even if it was discussed earlier, because conditions change frequently.

The subject changes within an hour, allowing for renewed discussion.

one person who lived it

Avoid using pick-up lines to start conversations.

They are usually stupid, fail to start proper conversations, may offend the person, or attract uninteresting partners.

one person who lived it

Talk about food.

It is a universal, non-political, and non-religious topic.

one person who lived it

Ask about hobbies, entertainment preferences, family, and positive aspects of their life to find common interests.

People love to talk about themselves.

one person who lived it

• Use the FORM technique to ask about Friends/family, Occupation, Recreation, and Motivation, as these are universal topics everyone can discuss.3

Keep group discussions light and airy to avoid being perceived as a vibe killer.

In many settings, light conversation is preferred to keep a positive atmosphere.

one person who lived it

Introduce people to each other through tabletop games.

The game provides a shared focus and natural conversation topics.

one person who lived it

If you have obscure music tastes, say you listen to 'a little bit of everything' and immediately ask about their interests to guide the conversation.

This approach makes it easier to pivot the discussion based on what they like.

one person who lived it

Comment on tiny observations or surroundings instead of trying to think of meaningful topics.

Conversation is often just tiny observations, random thoughts, or reactions to what's happening around you.

one person who lived it

Seize short windows of opportunity to start conversations with strangers, such as when commuters are settling in before using devices or headphones.

These opportunities disappear quickly once people put on headphones or use e-readers.

one person who lived it

Focus conversations on positive topics like favorites or good memories to create social bonds.

Focusing on the positive is effective for creating social bonds.

one person who lived it

Observe how friends talk using statements and questions to understand conversational structure.

Observing this pattern helps make sense of conversations.

one person who lived it

Take up interesting activities like reading, climbing, running, seeing movies, taking classes, or learning instruments.

Boring conversations often stem from a boring life; doing things makes talking easy.

one person who lived it

Focus on the values behind your experiences rather than just the specific events when talking about yourself.

Talking about values is highly engaging in conversation.

one person who lived it

Discuss life and reality to create meaningful conversations.

Life is an obvious presence in everyone's experience.

one person who lived it

Discuss class-related topics to establish common ground before asking about weekend plans.

Conversation relies on common ground rather than just proximity.

one person who lived it

Build a safety net of knowledge on multiple topics you enjoy to rely on during conversations.

It provides personal security that you have something to contribute regardless of the situation.

one person who lived it

Assume everyone has something interesting to talk about even if initial topics don't align.

Judgments about people not being interesting are often totally wrong.

one person who lived it

Keep your ears open for topics you know about or find interesting, and join the conversation if you hear one.

4 people, independently

Start conversations with a buddy by your side, as it gives you legitimacy.

It gives you legitimacy.

one person who lived it

Use food as a conversation starter since everyone eats and can discuss it.

4 people, independently

Listen to 'two dudes talking' style podcasts to formulate opinions and gain fresh conversation starters.

These podcasts provide conversation starters, and since you have listened, you have formulated opinions while the person you are talking to has not.

one person who lived it

Use small talk as a starting point to develop personal relationships.

It is recognized as the beginning point for developing personal relationships.

one person who lived it

Start conversations at events by pointing out the obvious.

It makes starting conversations easier.

one person who lived it

Use a short, interesting 'elevator pitch' revolving around your interests, passions, or experiences when meeting new people.

It sparks curiosity, invites further conversation, and can open doors to opportunities like jobs.

one person who lived it

When a conversation partner makes a seemingly unrelated connection, assume they are meandering or sharing feelings rather than being illogical, and go along with their new topic instead of demanding logical continuity.

Conversations commonly meander away from specific subjects.

one person who lived it

Stop overthinking conversation starters; simple observations like commenting on coffee are perfectly fine.

The other person is unlikely to feel uncomfortable with simple comments.

one person who lived it

Focus on a person's interests and feelings rather than judging their physical appearance to help with easier conversation.

Ranking someone physically can hinder conversation; focusing on internal qualities makes it flow more easily.

one person who lived it

Avoid discussing Religion, Abortion, Politics, and Exes on first dates.

These topics are generally bad for initial meetings, though religion and politics can quickly reveal dealbreakers.

one person who lived it

Discuss niche hobbies or unusual skills to spark conversation and demonstrate unique qualities.

Interviewers may be impressed by unusual niches.

one person who lived it

Ensure a shared similarity is specific enough to serve as a meaningful conversation starter before using it to join a discussion.

Broad similarities, like attending the same college, are often too common to sustain a conversation.

one person who lived it

Cultivate an interesting inner life by actively noticing unusual, heart-warming, or lighthearted moments in your daily routine to build a reservoir of conversation topics.

Being good at conversations is about cultivating an interesting inner life, not just communication skills.

one person who lived it

Identify specific sub-genres within your existing interests to develop unique talking points.

Exploring specific genres can lead to discovering niche topics that others find cool.

one person who lived it

Avoid pressuring yourself to make every conversation super exciting.

Not all conversations will be super exciting.

one person who lived it

Stick to safe, superficial topics like weather, hobbies, movies, or pets in professional settings.

Switching to real conversations can lead to boundary problems, oversharing, and distorted expectations.

one person who lived it

Observe your random thoughts and use them as questions or observations to spark conversations.

Internal musings can serve as effective conversation starters.

one person who lived it

Start a conversation by discussing how difficult it is to find good conversation topics.

Awkward people often enjoy talking about their awkwardness.

one person who lived it

Infuse your speech with positive energy and emotions to make it more interesting.

It makes the conversation more engaging.

one person who lived it

Ensure the topic is of interest to the listener before engaging them in conversation.

Nobody has an obligation to discuss topics they are not interested in.

one person who lived it

To start conversations at prom easily, use any shred of an introduction you have, no matter how tiny.

• This isn't the best way to start conversations.

one person who lived it

Occasionally give into social pressure to watch trending movies or shows.

It provides genuine conversation material, and trending shows are usually good.

one person who lived it

Discuss class assignments to initiate conversation with classmates.

the classroom setting provides a shared commonality

one person who lived it

Accept that typical social interaction includes pointless conversations, awkward moments, and passive-aggressive banter, as there is no such thing as perfectly normal conversation.

Groups of friends naturally engage in shitty, pointless convos and awkward dynamics.

one person who lived it

Focus conversations on topics that both parties can get excited about.

Most people cannot engage in forced philosophical depth; excitement drives the best conversations.

one person who lived it

Discuss random world events or shared interests like sports instead of asking repetitive personal questions.

one person who lived it

Initiate casual conversations with people you see frequently in your routine, like neighbors, classmates, colleagues, or relatives.

3 people, independently

Use shared situational stressors, such as nervousness about a test, as a conversation starter.

one person who lived it

Voice mundane observations about your surroundings, as these often lead to unexpected and engaging conversations.

one person who lived it

Use polite phrasing like 'Sorry, I didn't catch...' or 'Could you remind me please...' when you need clarification.

It shows respect and care, and avoids making people uncomfortable who struggle to say 'no' or 'I don't know'.

• Some people may tell you you weren't listening properly or paying attention.

2 people, independently

Say 'pardon?' instead of 'huh' or 'what' to sound polite when asking someone to repeat themselves.

Made them sound polite

• People may think you are being snarky.
• It can be perceived as formal.

3 people, independently

Simplify texts by asking only one question at a time and waiting for a response before adding more.

There is less to remember.

one person who lived it

When short on time, specify exactly how long you can talk (e.g., 'I can talk for 2 minutes') rather than stating what you cannot do.

Stating limits tells them what you can't do; specifying duration tells them what you can do.

one person who lived it

When you do not know the answer to a question, say 'I don't want to give you a wrong answer' or 'I don't know'.

It is better to admit not knowing than to think you know while being completely wrong.

one person who lived it

Walk away from one-way conversations.

Do not waste time with people who won't listen.

one person who lived it

Say 'what I'm hearing you say...' instead of 'so you're saying...'.

Avoids putting words into people's mouths.

one person who lived it

Ask people directly if they want advice or just a hug/support.

People don't get as offended if asked straight up; usually they just want a hug.

one person who lived it

If you do not know how to answer an open-ended question, ask 'What do you think?'

It gives you inspiration on how to respond and buys you time.

one person who lived it

When hearing bad news, ask 'Are you ok?' before asking 'What happened?' to focus on well-being.

Asking about well-being first builds more trust and yields a better response.

one person who lived it

Do not push on topics the person has already said they do not want to talk about.

It makes them stop talking to you.

one person who lived it

• Drop a topic immediately if the other person states they are not interested, rather than trying to persuade them.1

Respond to condescending 'Are you OK?' by asking 'Why do you ask?'.

It puts the other person on the spot so they are forced to explain themselves.

one person who lived it

Recognize that if someone gives short answers and does not ask anything in return, the lack of reciprocity is their problem, not yours.

It is easy to feel like you are the problem, but they are the problem.

one person who lived it

Ask 'How have you been?' instead of 'How are you?' to signal awareness of potential struggles and invite sincere sharing.

'How are you?' is limiting and can seem callous if you know things haven't been well; 'How have you been?' acknowledges bad stuff and gives space for honest answers.

one person who lived it

• Ask 'How are you feeling?' instead of 'How are you?'1
• Ask how their week or day has been instead of asking how they are.3

Box people in by stating 'If your answer isn't yes then it's no' to force a firm response.

It forces a real response instead of vague promises like 'sometime soon'.

one person who lived it

Instead of saying you don't like talking, tell people you love listening to others.

It is a positive reframe that people respond well to.

one person who lived it

Offer to pack a plate of food for a guest to take home as a polite signal that the visit is ending.

It was super effective at encouraging them to leave.

one person who lived it

Give bullies no expression and no response.

Leaving them with nothing worked each time for one person.

one person who lived it

One approach that helped spark deep conversation: say 'surviving' when asked how you are.

It prompted a follow-up question ('but not thriving?') leading to hours of discussion about life, philosophy, and religion.

• This was a single instance; results may vary.

one person who lived it

Reply 'Hanging in there' to signal you are struggling but persisting.

It reassures you by restating that you haven't given up yet and avoids the need for a deep conversation or explanation.

3 people, independently

Use absurd or fictional job titles, such as 'dolphin shaver' or 'ninja', to signal that you do not wish to discuss your employment.

Most people will understand the hint that you want to avoid the topic.

2 people, independently

• Deflect intrusive questions about employment by making an outrageous and unbelievable joke so the conversation moves on.1
• If you want to deflect awkwardness about unemployment, tell people with a straight face that you work in 'independent research' or 'digital content analysis'.1

Phrase questions in the affirmative to avoid sounding accusatory and ensure the answer is clear.

Otherwise it's not clear what the answer 'No' means.

• Some consider this more of a tone issue than wording.

one person who lived it

When struggling to answer 'why' questions, reframe them as 'what' questions.

'Why' can be a loaded question for which you may not have the answers, whereas 'what' allows for more concrete responses.

one person who lived it

If someone gives a vague or generic answer about their job, change the subject immediately instead of prying.

They may not be proud of their job, don't want you to know, or have a niche job that is difficult to explain. Prying makes them uncomfortable.

one person who lived it

Ask uninvited guests directly if they were invited and, if not, ask them to explain why they are there.

They may learn from having to explain themselves.

one person who lived it

• Be polite but blunt with unwanted guests by telling them to leave, even if it causes friction with invited guests.1

If someone gives one-word replies, ask an open-ended question to give them a chance to re-engage; if they still respond briefly, assume they have lost interest and move on.

One-word replies often mean they aren't interested but don't want to be rude; chasing them makes you appear needy, clingy, and desperate.

• Some people have days where they don't want to talk to anyone.

one person who lived it

• Avoid giving one-word answers to show you are open for conversation.1
• If someone gives one-word replies or shows less interest, ease up on your conversational effort.1

Avoid mocking or attacking anyone for asking questions, even simple ones, so you do not discourage future inquiries or halt progress.

Critiquing question-askers halts change and can create insecurity about seeking information.

• Some people believe ridicule is a valuable societal tool for certain questions.
• Some argue that obvious questions that could be answered by a quick search are frustrating.

3 people, independently

Be honest if you are not interested in talking or feel burnt out.

This prevents resentment from building up for either party.

one person who lived it

Simply ask 'So?' when someone dismissively says 'it's not that deep.'

Sometimes people attack without knowing what they are saying.

one person who lived it

If someone calls you 'kind of hot,' reply with 'Kind of thanks' to mirror their phrasing and observe how the interaction develops.

They may realize the issue and offer a better compliment next time.

one person who lived it

Avoid basic 'how is...' questions like 'how's the weather' or 'how did ___ go'.

They lead to short conversations.

one person who lived it

Avoid closed-ended questions like 'do you have any pets?'

A 'no' answer risks a dead end and returns you to silence.

one person who lived it

If asked why you are doing well, shrug and say 'just cuz!' instead of preparing a specific reason.

It comes across as charming and fun.

one person who lived it

Use the phrase 'I see your point' as an alternative to 'that's fair'.

It adds variety to your responses.

one person who lived it

Contextualize 'How are you?' by asking about their specific role or environment, such as asking a cashier how the customers have been.

You may get a more substantive response than just 'fine'.

• One person's anecdotal experience in a store setting.

one person who lived it

Lighten uncomfortable moments with a careful joke before giving a brief, non-committal answer.

People usually respond better to humor, and the inquirer may get the clue that it is a sensitive area and back off.

• Be careful not to offend anyone.

one person who lived it

• If you feel uncomfortable answering a question, politely state 'I'd rather not discuss it' or 'I'm not comfortable answering that' and move on.3
• If you want to avoid awkwardness from intrusive questions, respond playfully with a joke like 'it was Jesus' or 'Santa Claus wanted to see if you're nosy' so they get the message.1
• Respond with neutral phrases like 'I'm doing' or 'it's going' to avoid lying or causing discomfort.1
• Reply to generic greetings like 'how are you?' with a neutral, positive statement rather than sharing actual feelings.1

If close enough to be honest, admit you haven't got your life together when work comes up, then pivot by asking the other person questions about themselves.

People love talking about themselves, and this prevents feeling like you are hiding anything.

• Do not dump on them.

one person who lived it

Add a simple phrase like 'That's really cool!' to plain responses to avoid sounding bored, but focus on sincerity over scripts since people can detect phony enthusiasm.

It improves the impression of interest and people prefer authenticity.

• Do not use phony scripts as most people recognize them.

one person who lived it

• Use original responses instead of generic filler phrases like 'that's crazy' or 'wow, for real'.1

Use unique greetings like 'Oh, it's lovely to meet you' instead of standard phrases like 'nice to meet you.'

People do not respond as well to 'nice to meet you,' and finding your own greeting puts you ahead.

one person who lived it

Expand on your answers instead of giving simple one-word replies, even if you do not care to.

3 people, independently

If you have nothing meaningful to say, explicitly state that you don't have anything to add.

The world won't end.

one person who lived it

State directly if you are having a tough time and need to talk, rather than using polite questions as bait.

It respects the recipient's time and avoids starting under false pretenses.

one person who lived it

Avoid bantering with people who dislike it or are socially unaware.

They may take it as an insult and get incredibly mad.

one person who lived it

Be polite but direct when approaching someone, acknowledging that you are interrupting them, and end with thanks.

You are taking their time.

one person who lived it

• Interrupt yourself and state that the other person does not seem interested in hearing your answer if they interrupt with unrelated questions.1
• Use a witty retort such as asking if the middle of your sentence hindered the beginning of theirs to highlight the interruption.3

If you are in a debate with someone who is only trying to cut you off, end the debate immediately.

They likely will not see your side.

one person who lived it

Avoid broad openers like 'How are you?' because they create pressure.

Too broad, creates pressure

one person who lived it

Treat conversation like a game of ping pong: hit the ball to the other person, let them respond, and then respond to their response.

5 people, independently

Respond to questions with a simple 'yes' rather than 'obviously' to avoid making the asker feel stupid or uncomfortable.

Using 'obviously' makes people feel stupid or uncomfortable, while 'yes' is shorter and friendlier.

• Some argue it is acceptable to use 'obviously' when the asker is being pompous or asking a stupid yes/no question, though seeking to humiliate is morally dubious.

one person who lived it

Directly ask someone if they are okay rather than trying to read their body language.

It is more effective for some people; it is the only way to know for sure

one person who lived it

Avoid canned responses like 'pretty good' or 'just fine' to reveal how you really feel.

These responses often mask true feelings.

one person who lived it

End the conversation nicely if you have nothing more to say rather than forcing it.

Forcing it makes you appear foolish by trying too hard to be interesting.

one person who lived it

• If a conversation reaches a natural end, accept it rather than forcing interaction or faking interest.2

Move on if the other person gives only brief answers and does not ask you anything back.

You are likely pumping a dry well.

one person who lived it

Start with a nice, neutral observation that allows the other person to either engage or give a straight answer to end the interaction gracefully.

There is a chance the other person does not want to talk.

one person who lived it

If people assume your creative profession means you are not working, try using an unexpected job title instead.

One person found that saying 'I rodeo' avoided the assumption that being a writer meant 'not working.'

one person who lived it

Respond to 'How are you?' with 'Really, really good!' said with enthusiasm, but do not follow it with a question about them.

Bold positivity can disarm others and automatically generate self-reflection in them.

• This approach may be interpreted as sarcastic by some cultures, such as British speakers.
• Avoid using canned, inorganic responses.

one person who lived it

Use the 'I love/I hate' format to express strong opinions and lead the interaction.

It positions you as a leader who is willing to be polarizing.

one person who lived it

If you are not enthusiastic about your job, consider talking about a hobby instead when asked what you do, though be aware some may find this response weird.

It can provide a more positive conversational experience than feeling pathetic about one's job.

• Some people might think it is weird if you reply with hobbies instead of your job.

one person who lived it

Do not care about the result of a conversation attempt so you do not appear needy.

To avoid appearing needy.

one person who lived it

Ask the speaker to repeat their question to buy time for thinking, but avoid this tactic with authority figures who may perceive it as stalling.

It gives you time to answer better, but authority figures like bosses or police may instantly recognize it as a delay tactic.

• Do not use with authority figures like bosses or cops.

one person who lived it

Express your desire to talk regardless of potential rejection, so you learn their interest level sooner.

It is better to learn they don't want to talk after you express yourself than before.

one person who lived it

Watch for facial expressions or nods that contradict speech to identify topics to avoid.

These nonverbal cues are revealing and serve as a benchmark for what not to discuss.

one person who lived it

Ask 'what' questions instead of 'why' questions to show curiosity rather than sounding accusatory.

'What' feels curious while 'why' can feel like an attack.

one person who lived it

Respond to texts with specific content relevant to what was said, rather than using filler phrases like 'damn' or 'oh okay'.

Filler responses may cause the other person to stop texting.

one person who lived it

Be indirect when asking about work to avoid making people uncomfortable about their social rank.

Direct questions can make people insecure if their job is not as prestigious as they wish.

one person who lived it

Tell others you need an extra minute to think things over before responding.

6 people, independently

Do not take generic responses personally; recognize that if the response was boring, the fault lies with the responder's lack of engagement, not your worthiness.

The responder added nothing to the conversation, so they are the boring one, not you.

one person who lived it

If you view someone only as a friend, respond to flirtatious greetings with casual terms like 'sup bro' or 'hey dude' to signal that you are not receptive to more than friendship.

Such language indicates you do not see the interaction as romantic.

one person who lived it

Prepare a substantive response to generic greetings like 'How's it going?' rather than just saying 'good'.

This helps the conversation get over the awkward hump.

one person who lived it

• Have something specific to say immediately after the 'how are you' greeting to prevent awkwardness.1

Shut down inappropriate questions by saying 'I’d rather not say' and then remaining silent.

There is nowhere for the other person to go with that response.

one person who lived it

• Respond to intrusive or unwanted questions with 'Why do you ask?' to deflect further inquiry.1

Stop forcing conversation if it drains your energy, recognizing it is not your sole job to maintain it.

It drains energy and allows you to avoid people who cannot hold a conversation.

one person who lived it

Give non-reciprocal conversationalists first, second, and third chances before acting bored and uncomfortable.

They may have a lot on their mind or be shy.

one person who lived it

Use specific, actionable checks for understanding instead of asking 'Do you understand?'

Asking 'Do you understand?' often yields false agreement, while specific tasks reveal the truth immediately.

one person who lived it

Adjust your communication style if you want to avoid being perceived as rude due to short answers.

Perception is reality.

one person who lived it

Answer questions about sports in an easy-going manner.

It prevents the topic from becoming an issue.

one person who lived it

As a manager, do not judge employees for asking questions, as it shows eagerness to learn.

Asking questions shows eagerness to learn.

one person who lived it

Bluntly tell a conversational partner that their poor replies make it hard to converse.

Some people need direct, confrontational feedback to improve.

• This approach is mean and confrontational.

one person who lived it

Ask a random or stupid question to break awkward silences.

It has helped one person prevent interactions from feeling awkward.

• This is based on one person's experience.

one person who lived it

If forced into small talk, give short answers accompanied by the right tone and facial expression.

A short answer with appropriate non-verbal cues means a lot.

one person who lived it

• When responding to passing greetings, use lighthearted and non-committal phrases that do not invite deep conversation.3
• Prepare short, polite answers to common questions ahead of time, including the reciprocal question, to avoid seeming rude.1

When speaking to anxious or shy people, offer pre-loaded positive options for their situation rather than forcing them to explain themselves.

It prevents them from feeling put on the spot and makes engagement feel easy.

one person who lived it

Use a simple 'hi' with a smile or nod when passing someone quickly, as they likely do not have time for a full conversation.

People often don't have time to answer questions when walking in opposite directions.

one person who lived it

Use vague, non-committal phrases like 'it's goin'' or 'oh, you know'.

To signal that you are not doing well without inviting further inquiry or oversharing.

one person who lived it

Explain your intentions if someone is bothered by your conversational style.

It might help to clarify that you didn't mean to be rude.

one person who lived it

Treat casual greetings like 'How was your day?' as forms of greeting that do not necessarily require reciprocation.

Sometimes it does not cross one's mind to ask back.

one person who lived it

Change the subject if you do not follow a topic, rather than pretending to know about it.

Pretending to know about a topic you don't follow is dishonest.

one person who lived it

Offer specific input or brainstorm pros and cons instead of saying 'whatever' when asked for preferences.

It makes the other person's decision easier and avoids appearing spineless or anxious.

• Some people from cultures valuing politeness may not find this annoying.

one person who lived it

Leave the conversation if the other person does not reciprocate or seems uninteresting.

You are not a therapist.

2 people, independently

Ask difficult or slightly taboo questions to observe how the person handles discomfort or rationality.

How they answer says much more.

one person who lived it

Record the birth years of children you know to avoid asking age-inappropriate questions.

Prevents awkward errors like asking if a school-aged child is walking.

one person who lived it

Respond with standard pleasantries like 'Nice to meet you' even if you do not mean it.

Correcting yourself or being overly literal can come across poorly.

one person who lived it

Frame your response positively by mentioning a nice aspect of the day, such as the weather or lack of boredom.

It helps keep a positive mindset.

one person who lived it

Read 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' to identify covert contracts where you expect politeness to be reciprocated without stating it.

• Some find the book toxic and dehumanizing to both its reader and the groups it describes.

2 people, independently

End the conversation by smiling widely, saying 'i knowww! I barely see you!', and walking away slightly over your shoulder.

so that's the end of conversation

one person who lived it

• End a conversation politely by making eye contact, stating it was a pleasure, suggesting future interaction, and then leaving.1
• Exit conversations gracefully by citing a need to return to an activity, using the bathroom, mingling, taking fresh air, or simply stating you have to run.11

If someone continues talking after you decline, repeat 'No thank you' and walk away.

3 people, independently

Shift the timeframe forward by discussing future plans, such as upcoming vacations, instead of focusing on what is happening now.

It shifts both parties toward planning for future events.

one person who lived it

End the conversation with an excuse when it begins to die down to avoid awkwardness.

To avoid awkwardness.

one person who lived it

Interpret short or dull responses as a signal that the other person is uninterested in small talk.

Short responses often signify a focus on work or a lack of interest in socializing.

one person who lived it

Cite personal reasons, such as spending more time with family, to explain your resignation without implying criticism of the employer.

It prevents the employer from having a comeback regarding your new schedule or hours.

one person who lived it

After asking a question, volunteer your own answer even if not asked back.

It is usually implied that the counterpart expects an answer from you too.

one person who lived it

Try to change the subject if friends dwell on topics irrelevant to you; if irritated, ostentatiously browse your phone to signal boredom and prompt them to include you.

When they notice you browsing, they realize they've made you bored and change the subject.

one person who lived it

Be prepared for rejection if proposing structured games on a date.

One person's girlfriend said 'probably not' when asked to play a game.

one person who lived it

Make statements based on context clues from what the other person says instead of asking direct questions.

This gives them room to elaborate.

one person who lived it

When asked how your day was, never just say 'good'; follow up with a question about their day or a specific detail about yours.

Simply saying 'good' often causes the other person to continue walking without engaging further.

one person who lived it

Answer invasive questions vaguely but politely so it does not come off as mean.

It prevents destroying your credibility by avoiding lies.

one person who lived it

If someone overuses verbal confirmations, pause for an extra beat and shake your head slightly to signal they broke your flow.

It works every time to signal the interruption.

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Withhold immediate sarcasm to allow for civil discussion.

The other person is probably not a bastard.

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Ask 'how do you spend most of your time?' instead of 'what do you do?' to avoid making people feel boring if they are not proud of their career.

3 people, independently

Respond to provocative comments with a calm, sarcastic remark and then disengage.

The instigator will get bored because they are not getting the desired reaction.

one person who lived it

Throw in comments or compliments after the other person answers to avoid sounding like an interviewer.

It prevents the interaction from feeling like an interview.

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• Avoid making the conversation feel like a job interview by not asking too many questions in a row.3

Continue the conversation despite short responses, deciding on a person-by-person basis, as brevity may not reflect personal disinterest.

Short texts may not reflect how vocal and fun the person is in person.

one person who lived it

Avoid interjecting personal stories when speaking with older management or colleagues who talk extensively.

Interjecting a short story about yourself may cause them to become disinterested and return to their tasks.

one person who lived it

Avoid offering open-ended availability unless you qualify it with your actual limits.

Unqualified offers create unrealistic expectations and are considered deadly tropes.

• If offered, include qualifications such as emergency-only contact or text preferences.

one person who lived it

Test openness to elevator conversation by asking 'How's it going?' and gauging the response length.

A short response like 'hey' suggests leaving them alone, while a longer response suggests openness.

one person who lived it

Say 'you're good' or 'no worries' instead of 'it's ok' to acknowledge the effort of the person apologizing.

It validates the other person's effort better than generic acceptance.

one person who lived it

Avoid starting conversations by disparaging or gossiping about others.

It is inappropriate, a major red flag, and turns people off.

one person who lived it

Reply to 'How are you?' with 'elegant'.

It is considered a cool and funny unconventional response.

one person who lived it

When asked if you are dating someone you like, make a joke about being married or having a long history to signal you are not together without giving a hard rejection.

This avoids sending a direct 'no' message to the person you are interested in.

one person who lived it

Avoid asking 'Where are you from?' as it is often a polite conversational crutch that people do not genuinely care about.

People usually ask only out of politeness or in hope of finding a commonality.

one person who lived it

Deflect awkward silence after being asked 'How's Life?' by giving a brief response and immediately turning the question back to the asker.

Most social people enjoy talking about themselves.

one person who lived it

Display discomfort through body language—such as crossing your arms, turning sideways, or looking around—to signal you want to escape the conversation and focus on work.

Some people do not recognize verbal cues to stop sharing.

one person who lived it

Use simple statements like 'it's so frustrating when that happens' to signal presence and empathy.

These phrases provide significant value by showing you are present.

one person who lived it

Avoid people who dominate conversations and do not respond well to corrective tactics.

These kinds of people generally will not respond well to any attempts to change their behavior.

one person who lived it

Interpret service workers' friendliness as a job requirement rather than genuine personal interest.

Workers are trained to use scripted variations of polite phrases so they do not seem like robots.

one person who lived it

Express positive emotion and share your own views during conversation to avoid seeming like you are probing.

It makes the conversation meaningful.

one person who lived it

Avoid labeling people with negative terms like 'Nazi' or 'libtard' during political debates, as this causes them to stop listening.

Labeling causes the other person to not listen.

one person who lived it

Avoid robotic techniques like repeating the last word as a question, as they appear insincere and irritating.

It feels emotionless and leads listeners to assume you aren't listening, causing them to stop talking.

one person who lived it

Ask for a few seconds to think before answering complicated interview questions.

Taking a moment to think is better than spouting nonsense.

one person who lived it

Instead of saying 'I know,' use affirmative phrases like 'right?', 'yeesss,' 'very true,' or 'exactly' to keep the conversation flowing.

Using affirmative phrases prevents stalling out the conversation.

one person who lived it

Disrupt a dominant speaker by asking unrelated questions, jumping subjects, or continually asking them to repeat themselves to expose the manipulation and trip them up.

It allows you to see the deceptive nature of their behavior and mess with them in return.

one person who lived it

Be willing to steer the conversation forward if it stalls, recognizing that the other person may also feel awkward.

The other person might be feeling equally awkward.

one person who lived it

Avoid sending standalone greetings like 'Hey' or 'Hi' without context.

Such messages force the recipient to respond before knowing the intent, causing frustration and interrupting their focus.

one person who lived it

• Use non-standard phrasing for greetings to avoid triggering automatic, empty responses.1

Be genuine and admit ignorance rather than making things up, using it as a chance to speculate together.

Pleading ignorance gives both parties an opportunity to speculate.

one person who lived it

Create physical distance in social settings by leaving to refill your drink or get a snack elsewhere.

To avoid subjecting yourself to one-sided conversations.

one person who lived it

Respond with enthusiastic phrases instead of brief acknowledgments like 'yea'.

It conveys the same meaning with more enthusiasm.

one person who lived it

Avoid asking questions where the answer is already known due to cultural or geographic context.

It is redundant if everyone knows the answer.

one person who lived it

Frame problem-sharing as a specific request that invites a response rather than just venting.

Venting alone typically does not result in conversation unless the listener can relate.

one person who lived it

Begin by reiterating what the angry person said to acknowledge their concerns before addressing issues piece by piece.

Acknowledging concerns makes the person feel supported.

one person who lived it

Before inviting guests over, ask if they have any food allergies, sensitivities, or specific dislikes.

To ensure a safe and pleasant experience.

one person who lived it

Accept that not every answer needs to be smart, funny, or interesting.

Sometimes you have boring passes before striking an interesting topic.

one person who lived it

Use phone or video calls instead of text messages to convey sincerity through tone and body language.

Written text can appear bland or offensive, while voice and visual cues reduce miscommunication and resulting insecurities.

one person who lived it

When asked about your work status while unemployed or financially independent, say you are retired, between jobs, on sabbatical, or in school to avoid awkwardness without lying.

It conveys the same information truthfully but feels less negative.

one person who lived it

Avoid complaining or whining when answering how you are to prevent ruining others' moods.

People dislike having their mood ruined by negativity.

one person who lived it

Reciprocate social energy by providing expandable responses rather than short answers that give others nothing to respond to.

Short answers can make shy or quiet people appear negative because they do not reciprocate social energy.

one person who lived it

Avoid generic compliments like 'your necklace is nice' when commenting on a woman's clothing or jewelry.

Generic compliments are boring and likely heard many times before.

one person who lived it

Control the rate of your questions when meeting new people to avoid overwhelming them or appearing desperate.

Going overboard suggests desperation, and people are generally more comfortable with even exchanges.

one person who lived it

Judge the vibe and seriousness of the conversation before responding, especially with authority figures who may react poorly if they feel disrespected.

Authority figures will not take it well if you do not take their serious questioning seriously.

one person who lived it

Acknowledge the group and explain why before dramatically changing the topic in a group interaction.

It is less acceptable to change topics abruptly in groups.

one person who lived it

Reserve warm greetings like 'Good to hear from you' for friends and family you genuinely enjoy hearing from, not for strangers or business contacts.

Using such phrases with strangers or businesses can be misinterpreted as flirting.

one person who lived it

Avoid asking questions that feel like an interrogation or have an ulterior motive.

Such questions make people uncomfortable.

one person who lived it

Stop and redirect the conversation to a positive topic immediately after an awkward moment to avoid cementing yourself in the awkward subject.

People will appreciate it.

one person who lived it

Avoid abruptly introducing new topics while the other person is still focusing on the original one.

This causes conversations to become awkward.

one person who lived it

React with energetic enthusiasm (e.g., 'NO WAY!') rather than predictable follow-up questions to keep banter momentum alive.

Predictable questions kill the energy; enthusiastic reactions sustain it.

one person who lived it

When asked a question you find stupid or obvious, provide knowledge rather than negativity.

This avoids creating insecurities.

one person who lived it

In interviews, answer hypothetical scenarios directly rather than dismissing them by saying they couldn't happen.

People who say hypotheticals couldn't happen aren't adding value.

one person who lived it

Frame your opinions as personal preferences ('I didn't like that') rather than objective judgments ('that was bad').

This reduces combative conversations and avoids social isolation or being 'cancelled'.

one person who lived it

Frame mundane weekend activities positively and pivot to asking about the other person.

Nobody expects you to lie, and framing rest as catching up on sleep is acceptable.

one person who lived it

Lower the temperature of a flirtatious greeting by responding with a simple, friendly name-based greeting like 'Hi [Name],' ignoring the flirtatious aspect while remaining polite.

Ignoring the flirtation allows you to remain friendly without encouraging romance.

one person who lived it

Follow a compliment with an assumption to deepen the conversation and avoid awkward silence.

It makes the compliment seem less random and immediately deepens the interaction.

one person who lived it

Avoid interview-style questions that judge value or social positioning.

It raises people's defensiveness.

one person who lived it

Respond briefly to small talk without reciprocating if you do not genuinely care, prioritizing authenticity and efficiency.

One person views this as the most authentic approach and a way to respect others' time by cutting to the chase.

one person who lived it

End a conversation before it goes on too long to prevent the other person from losing interest.

to prevent the other person from losing interest

one person who lived it

Express dislikes tactfully by acknowledging the other person's preference while stating your own lack of interest.

This avoids sounding rude or dismissive.

2 people, independently

• Use subjective phrases like 'I personally dislike' or 'It's not my taste' instead of extreme negative statements when discussing things others enjoy.1

Look for insight rather than answers during conversations.

This approach handles discussions on controversial topics.

one person who lived it

Elaborate on your answers instead of giving one-word responses to make conversations more emotional.

Explaining your stance makes the conversation more emotional.

one person who lived it

Phrase statements confidently and explicitly welcome feedback.

could help

one person who lived it

Avoid using 'why' questions.

They sound skewed toward demanding accountability.

one person who lived it

Pivot to general, opinion-based topics rather than personal details if someone seems uncomfortable or unresponsive to direct questions.

This avoids basically interviewing them.

one person who lived it

Use an affirmative interjection before asking 'why' to avoid sounding interrogative.

Saying 'why' alone can be interpreted as a challenge rather than genuine interest.

one person who lived it

Acknowledge the other person's feelings while firmly maintaining your boundary, then disengage.

Persisting often indicates an attempt to demand attention rather than have a discussion.

one person who lived it

Give a specific but noncommittal answer to deflection questions, then immediately ask the other person the same question to shift the focus.

This satisfies their initial question while placing the questioning burden on them.

one person who lived it

Reciprocate greetings by asking how the other person is doing to avoid rudeness and foster genuine conversation.

It prevents appearing rude and often leads to more genuine interactions.

one person who lived it

Test the room's attitude by extending the conversation slightly after a flat response to gauge genuine interest before concluding they are done.

Having multiple clues reduces the chance of misinterpreting their attitude.

one person who lived it

If you are uninterested in a topic, simply be polite rather than pretending interest or forcing interesting points.

Pretending interest does not work.

one person who lived it

Use a 'spin off' tactic by responding with a related answer and then asking a new question.

one person who lived it

Avoid redundancy and over-explaining.

Over-explaining treats the listener as if they don't understand anything.

2 people, independently

Simplify complex or niche job titles into broader categories (e.g., 'technology engineer' or 'testing for websites') to avoid confused stares or tedious explanations.

Describing niche jobs takes forever and often results in unengaged responses.

2 people, independently

Signal disinterest through body language by avoiding eye contact, showing no interest in further conversation, or leaving the room.

Body language can communicate disinterest.

one person who lived it

Avoid relying on canned responses.

They generally don't work because the specific setup for the joke rarely occurs frequently enough in similar interactions.

one person who lived it

Avoid repeating yourself during conversation.

It is condescending and boring.

one person who lived it

Avoid forcing a conversation to continue longer than necessary.

Forcing length can cause conversational issues.

one person who lived it

• Cleverly end shallow conversations quickly and respectfully to avoid lingering frustration.1

Suggest alternative foods you do like when declining a specific item.

This redirects the interaction positively.

one person who lived it

Preemptively acknowledge gaps in knowledge or potential delivery issues to smooth over misunderstandings.

one person who lived it

Calmly state that you were cut off, that you were not done talking, and ask them not to interrupt you.

10 people, independently

• If you feel unheard, talk over the interrupter and repeat yourself from the beginning if they keep going.1
• If someone interrupts you, wait for them to finish, maintain eye contact, and remain silent until they ask if you know the answer, then state you were ensuring they were done interrupting.1
• Prevent interruptions by letting others know you are still talking if someone tries to interrupt.3

Focus on asking questions and listening to what others say, rather than worrying about what you say.

What they say matters more than what you say.

2 people, independently

• Focus on how you say things rather than just what you say to create conversation.4

Repeat what the other person says in your head as they say it to maintain full attention.

• It may feel weird and irritating at first, but eventually you do it naturally.

3 people, independently

• Repeat a key phrase from their statement back to them with an interrogative tone.3
• Attune yourself to small details in the other person's speech to jump off of.3
• Use audio cues such as inflections, saying 'really!?', 'oh', or 'yeah' to signal active listening.3
• Concentrate on the words being spoken so you can listen actively.5
• Connect your responses to the speaker's words via relevant questions, comments, or insights, while keeping high social energy through active listening and an expressive tone.3

Speak with purpose and value to ensure people listen.

Being ignored may stem from a belief that what you are saying isn't worth listening to.

one person who lived it

Recall personal facts others share and bring them up later to demonstrate active listening.

People appreciate knowing their words were retained and considered.

• Avoid bringing up personal or potentially creepy topics, such as medical details, long after they were mentioned.

3 people, independently

• Ask questions that directly respond to what the other person just said.1

Echo back the final words or main points of what someone says to prompt them to say more.

It signals interest and prompts the speaker to continue discussing the topic.

7 people, independently

Ask how someone feels about a topic to show empathy and make them feel heard.

People often do not feel heard or cared for regarding their feelings.

one person who lived it

Let others lead the conversation by listening.

People are more than happy to lead if they feel like you're listening.

one person who lived it

Use the 'parrot method' by repeating the last few words of someone's statement to prompt them to elaborate.

It puts the ball in the other person's court.

2 people, independently

Listen to a podcast immediately upon waking.

This trains your ear to listen better for the rest of the day.

• Based on one person's experience.

one person who lived it

Listen to tone of voice and observe body language rather than focusing solely on words, as these convey more meaning.

People express much more through tone and body language than through their actual words.

2 people, independently

Listen more than you talk and practice listening body language.

You won't have to say anything.

one person who lived it

• Use body language such as attentive listening, facial reactions, or light contact when suitable, if you lack words.4

If you feel like you are carrying the conversation, stop doing all the work to see who actually wants to talk to you.

It reveals who genuinely cares to interact with you.

one person who lived it

Listen fully without rushing to reply, digest what was said, and wait for a pause before expressing your thoughts.

Rushing to reply prevents true listening and causes conversations to fail.

one person who lived it

Summarize the situation and ask if your description is accurate from their point of view.

This is VITAL.

one person who lived it

Pause for about three seconds during your turn in conversation to offer space for the other person to interrupt or respond.

It helps balance conversations.

one person who lived it

Focus entirely on the speaker rather than preparing your response, trusting you will come up with something when it is your turn to speak.

Nothing keeps the speaker from speaking more than if you look like you are only preparing what you can say next.

2 people, independently

• Focus almost entirely on the other person during conversation to avoid worrying about what to say next.2

Track your speaking duration to keep the dialogue balanced and ensure equal participation.

Tallying your talk time highlights the necessity for equilibrium.

3 people, independently

• Keep a balance in the time spent speaking versus listening.3
• Ensure conversations are balanced; avoid dominating the talk or ignoring the other person by focusing on your phone.1

End observations about your shared environment with 'right?' to signal that you are inviting a response rather than talking to yourself.

It lets them know you're not talking to yourself.

• Some find this phrasing awkward; others note it parallels regional uses of 'eh?'.

one person who lived it

If a conversation pauses and stalls, speak for up to a minute to establish an idea that others can build on.

People are more likely to add to a conversation when an idea is already in place.

one person who lived it

Use hand gestures, such as leaning in or moving your hand toward the group, to capture attention before speaking.

One person found this helpful for getting attention.

• Based on one person's experience.

one person who lived it

Tilt your head slightly to the side to prompt the other person to elaborate.

It signals that you are asking a question.

one person who lived it

Be deeply curious and give others your undivided attention, mimicking the behavior of toddlers.

This makes you fun to talk to even without witty jokes or great stories.

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Acknowledge that dialogue requires mutual effort; do not carry the load alone if your partner is disengaged.

Conversation functions as a collaborative task where both parties must contribute for it to succeed.

4 people, independently

Repeat the last thing the other person said with emphasis and a different tone to show engagement.

It is an easy way to project charisma.

one person who lived it

Listen to understand the speaker rather than preparing your next response while they are talking.

Listening to understand is better for relationship development than listening to respond.

5 people, independently

If you are being mansplained or talked over in a meeting, continue talking so others know you are being interrupted.

Everyone in the meeting will know you are the one being interrupted.

one person who lived it

Put yourself in the conversation by interjecting your own stories or jokes, even if it feels awkward, to balance the dynamic.

You have listened to them, so they can listen to you.

one person who lived it

• Balance sharing your own experiences with allowing the other person to discuss their goals, interests, and hobbies.8

Combine repeating words with paraphrasing (e.g., 'So you are feeling... Is that correct?') to ensure the speaker feels heard and invested in.

Paraphrasing provides clarification and prevents the speaker from feeling like they are just being parroted.

one person who lived it

Verbally express reactions with phrases such as 'no way!', 'I would never have guessed that', 'that’s so brave of you', or 'wow I’m really impressed' to let the speaker know you are listening.

Verbal reactions let the speaker know you are listening.

one person who lived it

Do not worry excessively about using filler sounds like 'mhmm' to avoid zoning out; trust that the speaker can tell if you are paying attention by looking at your eyes.

Worrying about it causes you to zone out, and speakers can tell if you are paying attention by the look in your eyes anyway.

one person who lived it

Encourage the other person to talk more by using non-verbal cues like nodding or simple sounds such as 'ah' or 'um'.

Sometimes you do not need to talk to keep the interaction going.

one person who lived it

Practice active listening to help build friendships.

Being an active listener helps.

one person who lived it

Repeat a question as if you did not understand it, then feign surprise at the answer to ensure you are heard and engaged.

This technique ensures that you are already heard and involved in the conversation.

one person who lived it

Acknowledge someone's presence by looking them in the eye and nodding if you do not want to talk.

It signals that you acknowledged them and they exist.

one person who lived it

Adapt when conversations change abruptly or when you are interrupted.

It is not the end of the world.

one person who lived it

Use body language to gauge whether the other person is interested in continuing the conversation.

Body language shows 50% of whether they are interested.

• Focusing too much on body language may cause you to miss what they are saying.

one person who lived it

Maintain eye contact, nod, and offer short verbal commentary while others talk to stay present in the conversation.

It helps people remember you are there and makes others more likely to respond to you.

one person who lived it

• Maintain steady eye contact to encourage the other person to keep talking.1

Be honest about not knowing what the speaker is saying and ask clarifying questions.

The speaker might appreciate the interruption and enjoy teaching you.

one person who lived it

• If you are interrupted, pause to ensure you understand the other person's point, demonstrate that understanding, and then continue speaking.1
• When interrupted, gently gesture to the interrupter to hold, ask the original speaker to finish their point, and then redirect attention back to the interrupter.1

Make eye contact with one person to draw attention when the current speaker stops.

People often look toward the listener when the speaker pauses, passing the turn to you.

one person who lived it

Acknowledge an interrupted person by stating what they were saying before adding your own comment.

This acknowledges the source of the idea and avoids taking credit for it.

one person who lived it

• Acknowledge the other person's contribution before adding your own opinion, story, or related take to the conversation.4

Comment on what the other person just said, then ask a related question to return the focus to them.

It signals that you are actually interested and understanding.

one person who lived it

Listen to podcasts and pay attention to how hosts set topics, let them flow, and change them.

It is surprisingly helpful for learning these dynamics.

one person who lived it

Make eye contact, smile, and explicitly state that you missed the start of the conversation.

Talking works.

one person who lived it

Listen mindfully and ask questions or make guesses instead of always relating topics back to yourself.

It helps you get further in interactions.

one person who lived it

Use the other person's statements as the basis for your response, even if it is just asking them to elaborate.

This shows that you are being attentive.

one person who lived it

• Listen attentively and use the other person's answers as follow-up questions or related commentary to avoid making them feel like they are being interviewed.3

Shift your focus from yourself to the other person by listening and empathizing.

Others love someone who is listening to them and empathizing with them

one person who lived it

Use body language and process what is being said to keep the conversation flowing.

Active listening is necessary for these reasons.

one person who lived it

Use small verbal acknowledgments like 'I understand', 'mhm', or 'I get that' to show you are an active listener.

It is helpful for showing you are being an active listener.

one person who lived it

Listen to understand rather than just listening to listen.

Becoming a good listener attracts people to you.

one person who lived it

To quickly stop an interrupter, say 'exactly' or 'yes' and finish their sentence.

They are seeking approval and to demonstrate they understand the topic.

one person who lived it

Mirror the attitude and vibe of the person you are speaking with.

Mirroring helps in discussing certain things.

one person who lived it

Gauge interest through eye contact and body orientation; if the person turns away, avoids eye contact, or gives short responses, move on.

Body language and response length indicate whether the person wants to continue talking.

2 people, independently

Write a brief note after conversations summarizing what was discussed and what you forgot to ask.

It helps you realize when you were not fully listening and prepares you for future engagement.

one person who lived it

Involve the other person to ensure a balanced conversation.

to avoid leaving the other person out

• based on one person's experience

one person who lived it

Do not text or call while someone is speaking to you; if you must, inform them first and return to the conversation immediately.

It is respectful to the person speaking.

one person who lived it

When someone shares a story, pick one small detail and mention how you did it differently to place your experience side-by-side with theirs rather than overwriting it.

This prevents overwriting their story with yours and keeps the experiences parallel.

one person who lived it

Face the speaker directly to send the message that they are your focus and that you are listening.

Bodily orientation sends the message that the speaker is your focus.

one person who lived it

Avoid using a high-pitched voice when performing active listening.

It sounds fake.

one person who lived it

Pretend to be interested in listening if you are not naturally so, to gain appreciation and trust.

Gaining appreciation and trust may lead you to see the benefits of listening and eventually learn to love it.

one person who lived it

Practice mirroring and labeling techniques from negotiation strategies to improve communication.

These techniques can turn the table in a conversation and make the other person feel great about you.

• These concepts require practice.

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Respect the other person's perspective by discussing their ideas before directing the topic back to yourself.

Not doing so is considered rude.

one person who lived it

Pay attention to details about others and reference them in your greeting to show you know something about them.

It demonstrates you are paying attention rather than focusing on flowery words.

one person who lived it

Stop talking fast and repetitively if you suspect this is causing disengagement.

Repeating stories means listeners have already heard them and may not know what to say.

one person who lived it

Listen to others instead of dominating the conversation; they are less likely to listen to you if you do not listen to them.

Reciprocity encourages them to listen to you.

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Bounce off specific details mentioned by the other person to keep the conversation moving and show you are listening.

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• Recognize that keeping the conversation going is a shared responsibility, not solely yours.3

Politely interrupt a talkative group member by making eye contact and asking permission to make a point.

It creates a pause and gains everyone's full attention.

one person who lived it

• Interject during quiet moments in the conversation rather than when everyone is laughing.1

Read Dale Carnegie's 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' to learn active listening techniques.

3 people, independently

• Read about active listening techniques.1

Use occasional nods to show engagement instead of staring, which can be awkward.

Staring can be awkward.

one person who lived it

Acknowledge the other person's feelings without equating them to your own experiences or sharing similar personal stories.

It allows you to show understanding of their communication without shifting focus to yourself.

• One person noted this is a habit they struggle with and intend to reduce.

one person who lived it

Interrupt others if necessary to contribute, keeping the topic focused on the same person.

Group conversations often consist largely of interruptions.

one person who lived it

If you are stuck for words, respond to what they just mentioned by asking about it.

3 people, independently

Ask questions to show engagement and investment in what the other person is saying.

The speaker will likely appreciate seeing that you are engaged.

one person who lived it

Focus on listening and asking questions rather than trying to contribute profound statements.

It stops you from overthinking and makes you appear receptive.

one person who lived it

Listen and observe body language and tone intensely to stay in the emotional flow of the group before contributing.

It allows you to put yourself inside people's stories and ensure your contributions match the energy.

one person who lived it

Treat your first few lines as mere openers designed only to gain attention, since listeners generally do not care about their content.

The initial lines do not matter; they simply serve to secure someone's attention.

one person who lived it

Treat conversation as a two-way street where you and the other person are equally important and deserve equal airtime.

4 people, independently

Listen actively to find branching points in the other person's answers to steer the conversation in new directions.

Each answer contains elements that can be used to take the conversation elsewhere.

one person who lived it

• Listen intently to the speaker instead of planning your next response to find natural stems for deeper conversation.1

Avoid starting casual conversations with people who seem focused on reading or listening to audio.

These actions often indicate that the person is busy or needs privacy.

4 people, independently

Watch for signs of disinterest such as busying hands, redirecting eyes, or turning the body away.

3 people, independently

Focus on your attitude, listening, and body language (including gestures, facial expressions, and sarcasm) rather than just the topic; share your real thoughts and relax.

Attitude and action matter more than the specific topic.

one person who lived it

Be present in your body and use tone, pausing, and facial expressions to convey authenticity and genuine interest.

Non-verbal cues convey how something is said versus what is said, signaling groundedness and interest.

one person who lived it

Stay present in the current moment and concentrate on the exchange.

11 people, independently

Accept that drivers waiting for lights or anticipating driving often do not notice pedestrians walking by.

Drivers are typically too busy waiting for signals and preparing to drive to look at passersby.

one person who lived it

• Realize that drivers are likely not looking at you specifically, but rather giving a natural glance before returning attention to driving.1

Listen to understand rather than listening to reply.

Listening to reply is identified as the biggest communication problem.

one person who lived it

Allow the other person to speak and continue asking questions.

15 people, independently

Signal agreement or disagreement with subtle body language like nodding or shaking your head to prompt others to ask for your input.

People will notice and ask if you agree or disagree, providing an easy entry into the conversation.

one person who lived it

Raise your hand like a school child to get attention and speak uninterrupted in chaotic groups.

It gets everyone's attention and allows you to speak uninterrupted.

one person who lived it

Use body language such as looking interested, smiling, and nodding to encourage the other person to keep talking.

Sometimes people just want to talk.

one person who lived it

Pay attention to how you deliver your greeting and be attentive to the response, rather than using an automatic tone and walking away.

The delivery matters more than the words; if you ask something, you should be ready to listen to the answer.

one person who lived it

Balance active listening with relevant responses, giving a little and taking a little.

This approach gets you far in conversations.

one person who lived it

Start by saying something neutral like 'oh guys' to get attention before stating your point.

It helps capture attention without jumping immediately into the point.

one person who lived it

Ask for clarification if you do not understand what is being said.

6 people, independently

If someone is telling you about something they enjoy without expecting you to participate, simply listen.

It shows you care about their hobbies.

one person who lived it

Study body language and tone in movies or series to practice timing for real-life interactions.

Tone, body, and face language play principal roles in signaling when sentences finish or others will speak.

one person who lived it

Monitor the other person's body language and adapt; if they appear disinterested, stop talking about that topic.

One person found that being aware of body language and adapting leads to more organic conversations.

one person who lived it

Signal interest in what someone is saying by nodding, holding eye contact, and using facial expressions.

3 people, independently

Match the emotional tone of the other person's statement rather than contradicting it with your own opposing preference.

It keeps the conversation going by focusing on what connects rather than being oppositional.

one person who lived it

Get a person's attention by saying their name, then state your purpose directly once they respond.

4 people, independently

Show indifference by stopping nods and reducing eye contact when someone talks over you to signal that you are no longer actively listening.

Attentive observers may pick up on the cue and realize their rudeness.

one person who lived it

Focus on good listening over timing your responses.

Listening is impactful and priceless, whereas focusing on timing can feel empty.

one person who lived it

Keep related personal anecdotes brief and immediately return the focus to the other person's original point to avoid hijacking the conversation.

It makes it feel like you are adding to the topic rather than taking over.

one person who lived it

• Avoid dominating the chat with your own anecdotes or cutting in to relate your experiences while someone else is talking.3

Wait until the other person has finished asking before answering.

Answering before they finish is rude.

one person who lived it

• Wait until someone has finished speaking before asking a question, unless it is necessary for the deeper conversation.1

Maintain eye contact and pay attention to your physical cues, such as your tone of voice and hand movements.

3 people, independently

• Watch for signals like direct gaze and posture oriented toward you to identify when others want to speak with you.4

Sit and listen patiently in group settings rather than forcing participation; the conversation will likely drift back to you.

the conversation will likely drift back to you

one person who lived it

If you interrupt someone, ask them what they were saying and apologize to show mindfulness.

Acknowledging the interruption shows mindfulness.

one person who lived it

Show interest by listening, commenting, and asking questions about what the person just said rather than just nodding robotically.

It demonstrates you are interested and engaged.

one person who lived it

Consciously monitor your tendency to dominate conversations; one approach is to become aware of the habit and intentionally stop speaking to listen more.

The habit may fade as awareness increases.

one person who lived it

Look up communication techniques such as active listening, reflective listening, and conversational threading.

They help a lot.

one person who lived it

If a conversation is already underway, listen to learn or wait for a natural transition instead of interrupting.

Interrupting is considered rude.

one person who lived it

Practice active listening to ensure conversations are balanced and engaging rather than one-sided rambles.

Active listening makes conversations better than one-sided talking.

one person who lived it

Focus on non-verbal cues to calibrate the other person's mood, formality, and friendliness.

Participants communicate important context even when nothing important is spoken.

one person who lived it

Ask open-ended questions, listen actively, and make eye contact during conversations.

7 people, independently

Accept that being an observer or a good listener is completely fine and appreciated.

one person who lived it

Speak with varied volume, tone, authority, and passion to keep listeners engaged.

Monotone or unpassionate speech causes distraction, while expressive engagement makes it easier to listen.

2 people, independently

Read body language to determine if someone wants to leave the conversation.

3 people, independently

Focus on listening rather than talking.

Listening is what makes the interaction successful.

one person who lived it

Use specific code words like 'pause' (to stop talking while affirming worth) or 'ack' (to confirm hearing but indicate distraction) to signal attention issues in a relationship without implying disrespect.

one person who lived it

Suspend judgment and actively listen to the other person's frame of reference to allow natural conversation to flow.

one person who lived it

Avoid looking at your phone or letting your attention drift away during interactions.

3 people, independently

Stop helping people who ignore you once their immediate needs are met.

They are taking advantage of you, not seeking friendship.

• Based on one person's observation

one person who lived it

If you struggle with growth, surround yourself with highly skilled people and accept being the 'small fish' in that group.

Being surrounded by those better than you accelerated my growth.

one person who lived it

Act as a friend to those you wish to befriend, rather than worrying about the difficulty of making friends.

There is no ceremony to making friends.

one person who lived it

Stop prioritizing being interesting to others; focus on enjoying your own life instead.

As long as you are enjoying life, that is all that matters.

one person who lived it

• Focus on enjoying yourself rather than trying to please or impress others.1

Realize that other people seldom think about you to care less about their opinions.

People rarely think about others as much as we assume.

one person who lived it

• Embrace the perspective that others' opinions of you are not your concern.15

Tell your friends directly that they are not listening to you.

They are the ones missing out on what you have to say.

one person who lived it

Stop hanging out with people who clearly do not want you there and find new people to spend time with.

It is obvious they don't want you there.

one person who lived it

Own your quirks instead of trying to appear normal.

Normal people are boring.

one person who lived it

Limit direct feedback requests to a best friend who knows you well and will be honest.

Others may not know you long enough or may avoid being jerks by giving vague praise like 'you seem pretty cool'.

one person who lived it

Talk to classmates around you who might have things in common, rather than forcing fit with a group where you cannot be yourself.

If you can't be yourself around friends, they may not be real friends.

one person who lived it

Form your own opinions and avoid being too predictable or conformist.

Having no opinions is worse in 99% of situations; being too conformist implies you don't need to be heard.

one person who lived it

Ask solicitors for small favors, such as moving lawn chairs or watering plants; if they refuse, they will likely leave.

If they oblige, you get free help; if they refuse, they tend to be on their way.

• If they refuse, the interaction ends without the favor being done.

one person who lived it

Seek out groups where you naturally click rather than forcing yourself into dynamics where you struggle, recognizing that current groups may not be the right fit.

Current groups may not be the correct group for you at the present moment.

one person who lived it

Stop trying to be liked by everybody.

You do not even like everyone yourself.

2 people, independently

Accept that some people will dislike you regardless of your behavior or communication style.

13 people, independently

Treat yourself with the same consideration you show to others.

3 people, independently

Ignore advice about banter from people who dislike it.

They often give the worst guidance on the topic.

one person who lived it

Do not hold yourself back from life because you fear appearing awkward, recognizing that everyone is bumbling through it.

Everyone is bumbling through life; you are not the only one struggling.

one person who lived it

Focus on bringing a little joy to both your day and theirs rather than seeking deep meaning in brief interactions.

It signals that we are all in this together and gives a lift.

one person who lived it

Stay around people who share your interests and value systems.

You won't feel like that anymore

one person who lived it

• Find social circles that share your specific sense of humor and interests instead of forcing a fit with others.1

Subtly point out ways you believe the other person is part of your 'in crowd', without putting down others.

Putting down others only makes you look bad.

one person who lived it

Do your own enjoyable activities within a group setting to attract others who want to join you, rather than mimicking the group's fun.

Being the one person doing your own thing can make others want to join you.

one person who lived it

Ask people directly what they want instead of deciding for them.

Deciding for others is poor form.

one person who lived it

Be honest and yourself to weed through people and find true friends.

4 people, independently

Keep expectations minimal regarding others' sociability, as many are tired, distracted, or shy.

It is not personal; it is just how they are.

one person who lived it

Focus on being interested in others rather than trying to be interesting yourself.

Being interesting is about other people, not you.

3 people, independently

Be cautious about using wit to expose others' flaws.

It can be done at their expense and should be handled carefully.

one person who lived it

Do not try to change introverts; respect that they require alone time to recharge for social interaction.

You won't change them.

one person who lived it

• If you are an introvert, take time alone to re-energize; if you avoid interaction entirely, you may be asocial.1

Ask 'Would you get it again?' instead of 'Did you like it?' to determine true enjoyment.

Liking something does not necessarily mean one would choose to experience it again.

one person who lived it

Recognize that strangers and acquaintances do not owe you their attention or information; treat their attention as a gift.

No one owes you their attention.

• Parents and spouses may be exceptions.

one person who lived it

• Say only what is necessary and avoid forcing aimless conversations about topics you dislike just to gain attention.1

Focus on hanging out with a close group of friends rather than trying to be the person everyone talks to.

Trying to talk to everyone can become irritating over time.

one person who lived it

If you struggle with hiding your true self to please others, try sharing your unique opinions and strong convictions openly.

Sharing your perspective can lead others to realize they had never considered that viewpoint.

• You may fear being shot down.

one person who lived it

Ignore criticism from people whose advice you would not otherwise seek or respect.

Stopping the waste of energy on people who do not improve your life makes life easier.

one person who lived it

Watch other people and try out behaviors that appeal to you; if a behavior feels right, keep it, and if it feels wrong, discard it.

This process helps discover and build your personality.

one person who lived it

Focus on your own validation over seeking approval from others.

4 people, independently

View challenges and failures simply as obstacles related to your perspective and goals, not as divine designs or cosmic missions.

The universe does not care about you; you are just a person with things you want to accomplish.

one person who lived it

Allow friendships to naturally wither away if you have outgrown them or are tired of their behavior.

One person reported that letting this happen resulted in not missing those people.

• Based on one person's experience

one person who lived it

Initiate conversations yourself instead of waiting for others to prove they value you.

Waiting to test if others value you prevents you from getting what you want.

one person who lived it

• Initiate conversations yourself, recognizing that while you seek interaction, others may not be looking for it.1

Focus on shaping your community and the people you interact with as a way to shape the world.

This realization often comes with age.

one person who lived it

Do not be afraid to dance even if you cannot, as it helps you get into the flow of the club.

People generally do not care.

one person who lived it

Reject binary categorizations of social groups and view people as deeply complex people to widen your perspective.

Schools and social circles do not just consist of two extreme cliques.

one person who lived it

Keep trying different social approaches until you find one that works for you.

6 people, independently

• Allow yourself to mess up constantly and experiment to find what works for you.1

Maintain your own style and be willing to walk away from conversations.

People dislike those who appear desperate.

one person who lived it

Add a brief explanation at the end of a shared story to clarify that you are empathizing, not centering yourself.

It explains what you are doing.

• Based on one person's approach

one person who lived it

Frame relaxing at home as 'self-care,' 'unwinding,' or 'me time.'

Putting it that way often leads people to express jealousy.

one person who lived it

Challenge the belief that you are annoying by seeking reassurance or feedback.

Others often do not perceive you as annoying.

one person who lived it

Accept that growing in different directions from old friends is natural.

3 people, independently

Learn basic social rules from models but change them according to your own personality instead of copying them like robots.

It helps to learn the rules first.

one person who lived it

Be selective about who you share your struggles or successes with.

Others may project their own insecurities onto you and blame you if you follow their lead.

one person who lived it

View relationship deepening as a gradual process, not a sudden change.

Relationships, like the ocean, have a gradual deepening rather than a cliff.

one person who lived it

Balance conversations by avoiding making them too much about yourself or too much about the other person.

People may turn off and avoid you if the balance is skewed.

one person who lived it

Show up for social events even if you are tired, provided you have been invited and can go.

Bailing too many times causes you to lose priority status when others plan things.

one person who lived it

Speak as if your words have value because they come from you.

People judge authenticity of personality rather than conversational topics.

one person who lived it

Leave late friends behind rather than waiting for them.

Catering to bad behavior removes the incentive to change it.

one person who lived it

Decide whether to change a trait based on whether it bothers you personally, not just because others dislike it.

Changing solely for others means you won't enjoy it and will waste time and money.

one person who lived it

Care less about what people think of you to find your compatible peers.

one person who lived it

Find new friends and do not depend on a group that treats you as replaceable for all your hangouts.

one person who lived it

Accept that some people are meant to applaud others, which has its own value.

one person who lived it

If someone is not interested in you on a date, leave politely and spend time with friends instead of pursuing them further.

It allows you to have fun rather than wasting effort on someone who isn't interested.

one person who lived it

One person reported claiming to brew beer instead of revealing their actual job to see if people lose interest; they concluded they didn't want friends who did.

To filter out people interested only in status.

one person who lived it

Let others go first in proving themselves by listening and validating their efforts.

This takes the pressure off both you and the other person.

one person who lived it

Work to break the thought pattern that your specific taste is better than others'.

one person who lived it

Assume that minor faux pas or out-of-place comments will be brushed off unless they are purposefully hurtful.

People generally prefer the night to go well rather than call out non-direct offenses.

one person who lived it

Focus on your own needs when deciding whether to accept social invitations; do not feel embarrassed if you prefer not to go out.

Your opinion and feelings are valid and should not be feared.

one person who lived it

Eliminate gray areas in decision-making by choosing firmly to either do something or not do it.

Either choice is acceptable as long as you protect what is precious to you.

one person who lived it

View people as equals and pretend you are already friends with them to avoid setting up an uneven dynamic based on seeking approval.

Going into a conversation trying to win approval sets up an uneven dynamic.

one person who lived it

Ask yourself if you would behave the same way toward a male friend; if not, reconsider why you are doing it for a girl.

one person who lived it

Shift your focus from asking why people don't make you happy to asking how you can make someone else happy.

one person who lived it

Before sharing personal experiences, ask yourself what value it adds to the conversation.

Sharing experiences as they relate to others is not self-centered.

• Based on one person's experience

one person who lived it

Concentrate on what matters to you and change how you react to others, rather than attempting to control them.

3 people, independently

Treat a single bad conversation as an isolated incident rather than a reason to end a friendship.

Future chances for good times will arise.

one person who lived it

If you are a teacher, focus on your willingness to keep improving.

This trait distinguishes amazing teachers from bad ones.

one person who lived it

Frame negative opinions as personal thoughts (e.g., 'I think this sucks') rather than objective facts ('This thing sucks').

It clearly indicates that the statement is a personal opinion rather than an objective judgment.

one person who lived it

Change your environment to fit who you are instead of changing yourself to fit in.

one person who lived it

Explain the reasoning behind your advice instead of expecting people to trust it blindly.

People may not know what you are talking about without justification.

one person who lived it

When you feel left out, channel your energy toward including others instead of focusing on your own situation.

Others are likely feeling the same way.

one person who lived it

Wait for a well-timed moment to contribute rather than forcing input on every topic.

You do not need an opinion on everything.

one person who lived it

Focus on making others feel comfortable rather than managing your own feelings during awkward interactions.

You are doing it for them, not yourself.

one person who lived it

Give your attention and compassion freely to make time for other people.

It helps you make friends easily and avoids the self-centeredness that blocks emotional connections.

one person who lived it

Avoid following a strict formula for social interaction, as people may perceive you as insincere.

Following a formula makes people feel you're not being real, which is off-putting.

one person who lived it

Recognize that your personal dislike of something does not make it bad.

This realization is a sign of maturity.

one person who lived it

Express your thoughts without worrying about others' judgment and suspend negative self-judgment.

Aiming for the bigger picture means that while there may be many failures, the overall result is good.

one person who lived it

Focus on the other person's experiences rather than just how they relate to your own life.

3 people, independently

Do not feel obligated to maintain daily contact with friends; periodic catch-ups can sustain strong relationships despite busy lives.

Daily contact can be exhausting for some people, such as those who are chronically ill or find phone calls arduous.

one person who lived it

Withdraw temporarily to develop personal hobbies and find yourself rather than focusing solely on meeting people.

Focusing on yourself may cause others to flock to you.

one person who lived it

Avoid commenting on physical appearances, as it may be a faux pas if the appearance is unchangeable or natural.

The person may not be able to help their appearance or may naturally look tired.

one person who lived it

Accept that being bad at small talk is not a detriment or deficiency.

one person who lived it

• Recognize that awkward conversations are often not your fault and stop blaming yourself for failed interactions.1

Avoid complimenting someone who has shown no interest in you.

It is an awkward social move when there is no mutual interest.

one person who lived it

Recognize that your perception of how others view you is a reflection of how you view yourself.

2 people, independently

Acknowledge social mistakes and let them go without pressure to be perfect.

People usually do not mind unless you are actively being disagreeable.

one person who lived it

If you feel tired because someone's sharing seems unimportant, shift your focus to ask what you can learn about yourself from their words.

Creating a balance of internal engagement and external interaction helped subside the tiredness and allowed for enjoyment.

• Based on one person's experience.

one person who lived it

Do not take it personally if a group ignores you initially, as they are likely adjusting to your presence rather than rejecting you.

It is part of group dynamics; they are not necessarily doing it on purpose.

one person who lived it

Express your feelings to friends about the lack of reciprocity to see if it makes a difference.

A simple conversation can sometimes make a big difference.

one person who lived it

Chase excellence and become well-rounded in life rather than chasing people.

one person who lived it

Take a walk outside every day to reduce screen time and discover new activities.

Being outside helps you find different things to do and reduces staring at screens.

one person who lived it

Focus on making the other person feel cool rather than trying to appear cool yourself.

one person who lived it

Recognize that personal taste does not equate to objective quality; liking something doesn't make it good, and disliking it doesn't make it bad.

Opinions are subjective, not an objective measure of quality, and stating them as if they are leads to more arguments.

one person who lived it

Define your short, medium, and long-term goals for a relationship and tailor every interaction to get them.

This ensures the relationship is crafted by you rather than falling into it by accident.

one person who lived it

Accept that a lack of social attentiveness via text may be a dealbreaker for a friendship or relationship.

It helps tremendously if communication works well via text.

one person who lived it

Give the other person freedom to express themselves independently.

Some people may come to like and remember what you said.

one person who lived it

Excuse others when they make social mistakes.

Nobody is perfect and the dynamic works both ways.

one person who lived it

• Forgive yourself for social mistakes and learn from them, knowing that others will forget quickly and you are typically your own harshest critic.1
• Accept that some people ignore contributions unintentionally due to poor social skills, not malice.1

Shift your attention to other people if current partners show no interest or desire to converse.

3 people, independently

Adapt to what the situation calls for rather than trying to force a specific outcome.

Communication is situational.

one person who lived it

Challenge self-criticism about lacking substance; recognize that substance is subjective and varies by person.

Unless someone explicitly says you lack substance, that voice is likely your own self-critique.

one person who lived it

Avoid endlessly moaning about your problems when hanging out with others.

It is not a recipe for good social interaction.

one person who lived it

Avoid dominating conversations by trying to present an impressive version of yourself.

Eagerness to shine or tell detailed stories to show how amazing you are ruins the dynamic.

one person who lived it

Stop interrupting people, as it comes across as annoying and can cost friendships.

Interrupting is annoying and may have caused missed opportunities for friends or relationships.

one person who lived it

Do not worry if your niche interests appeal to others; instead, focus on discovering what interests them.

You cannot interest everyone, but saying nothing ensures you interest no one.

one person who lived it

Work out whether you are in the wrong environment with the wrong people if you feel your presence is generally unwanted.

one person who lived it

If you did not intentionally offend someone, assume their lack of warm response is due to their personality, mood, or hearing rather than your actions.

One person reported this stopped them from taking things personally and improved their life generally.

one person who lived it

Avoid advice influenced by the Red Pill community or pyramid scheme sales training.

Such content is described as anti-feminist garbage and stupid.

one person who lived it

Treat all communication as equally valid rather than separating it into 'small talk' and 'big talk'.

It's all just communicating with another person.

one person who lived it

Accept that deep conversations may not be enjoyable for everyone, especially in casual settings, due to individual preference and mood.

It depends on the listener's preference and current mood.

one person who lived it

Stop caring excessively about what people think of you unless they have the ability to ruin your life.

one person who lived it

Flip the narrative when interactions fail: assume they are simply not your kind of person and may even wonder what is wrong with themselves.

one person who lived it

If you feel you must be someone else to impress or hold a conversation with someone, consider that they probably aren't worth talking to.

one person who lived it

• If many different people consistently spurn your conversational advances while being receptive to others, consider that you may not be enjoyable to talk to.1

Avoid assuming someone makes a lot of money based on their possessions, as they may correct you humbly.

• This is one person's experience

one person who lived it

Stop tallying your social screw-ups and focus on positive interactions instead.

Everyone likely makes mistakes just as often; focusing on the negatives is like cursing red lights while ignoring green ones.

one person who lived it

Be truthful about your activities instead of lying, as people may simply be trying to make conversation.

Lying creates complications; truthfulness maintains integrity.

one person who lived it

Stop putting romantic interests on a pedestal and remember that people are just people.

one person who lived it

Stop viewing conversations as power dynamics between dominant and submissive roles.

Doing so allows extroverted people to gain undue power.

one person who lived it

Consider people who are unwilling or unable to go deeper in conversations as outer circle friends.

one person who lived it

If you are obsessed with a single hobby, expand your horizons to other interests to become more connectable, without necessarily dropping the original hobby.

Being obsessed with one thing can make you seem uninterested in anything else.

one person who lived it

Halt self-centered monologues and shift focus to learning about the other individual.

12 people, independently

Do not give opinions on other people's personal situations or life struggles unless asked.

Giving opinions on other topics helps conversation progress.

one person who lived it

Adapt broad internet advice to suit your specific personality and situation rather than applying it formulaically.

Conversations are not formulaic and do not apply to all situations.

one person who lived it

Understand that people often steer conversations to themselves unintentionally to show they relate.

They are trying to demonstrate understanding through shared experience.

one person who lived it

Recognize that casual conversation with strangers does not automatically lead to long-term relationships; additional effort is required to deepen connections.

Turning casual chats into lasting relationships is more difficult than making the initial conversation.

one person who lived it

Avoid constantly complaining or repeatedly bringing up personal problems and bad experiences.

It can be pretty exhausting for others.

one person who lived it

Stop framing your opinions as facts to avoid unintentionally bulldozing others' viewpoints.

Confident people can sometimes unintentionally overpower others' opinions by presenting views as absolute truth.

one person who lived it

Focus on doing interesting things and forgetting about yourself rather than defining who you are.

one person who lived it

Pity the self-centered person by recognizing that their mind is obvious to everything except themselves, helping you realize they are just spilling out what's in their head.

one person who lived it

Counter social anxiety by understanding that others are primarily focused on themselves and rarely dwell on small awkward moments.

3 people, independently

Offer empathy rather than advice when someone shares a negative experience.

3 people, independently

Recognize that talking to strangers online can sometimes be more real than having surface-level, non-fulfilling interactions with 'real' friends or family.

one person who lived it

Check whether your interest in others is genuine and free from expectations of attention or reciprocation.

one person who lived it

Reframe perceived incompatibility as differing interests rather than intelligence gaps, acknowledging that you likely find their interests mundane too.

one person who lived it

View conversations as exchanges of good emotion rather than conveyors of information.

one person who lived it

Let go of IQ assessments as a measure of worth, recognizing that human intelligence and vastness cannot be quantified by such measurements.

one person who lived it

Seek out people who share your specific niche interests to ensure common ground.

• If you do not share interests with others, interactions may devolve into meaningless chit-chat.

5 people, independently

• Look for shared experiences, such as living in the same place or taking the same class, to make a connection.4
• Locate Discord communities or local gatherings centered on shared gaming hobbies or specific common interests.9

Develop special skills or talents so that others will seek you out when they need those abilities.

People will seek you out if you are known for a useful skill.

one person who lived it

Talk about other people's passions even if you do not care about the topic yourself.

Their passion gets you hyped and you care that they care.

one person who lived it

Ask others for their perspective on personal problems to gain outside understanding.

It has been a major source of becoming the person one wants to be.

one person who lived it

Write down things you are interested in and your opinions on them to discover you have views.

You might be surprised!

one person who lived it

Write down noteworthy, weird, or heart-warming incidents from your day daily to build a bank of anecdotes for future conversations.

Writing them down prevents forgetting; reviewing them provides material during lulls.

3 people, independently

• Record interesting daily events in notes and review them prior to socializing to refresh conversation topics.3
• Collect funny random anecdotes from your life and share them when you encounter similar situations later.3

guide the chat toward a subject that feels safe and engaging for you.

5 people, independently

• Make light, respectful guesses about someone's mood based on body language to skip default autopilot greetings like 'How are you?'.1
• Share safe topics like music or food.1
• Reply to greetings by stating exactly what you are doing and your current mood.1
• Recall specifics from past chats to give you material for future conversations.11
• Chime in with related experiences or knowledge when a topic comes up.4
• Ask someone for advice on something to start a conversation.4
• Mention any subject that pops into your head, regardless of how unusual it appears.3
• Spark engaging conversations with creative hypothetical questions, such as asking about travel destinations or superpowers.7
• Ask about topics that actually interest you instead of throwing out random or meaningless queries.8
• Transform your internal thoughts or feelings into questions or statements to create interesting conversations.1
• Start a conversation by asking a question about whatever the person is currently doing.3
• Point out something interesting or unusual in your shared environment to start a conversation.9
• Ask about travel plans for upcoming holidays to generate endless talk fodder.3
• Initiate conversation by asking for advice or tips related to a shared activity.1

Project a positive vibe and energy to make people curious about you.

It makes people wonder what your deal is.

one person who lived it

Connect to the other person's point with a related question or comment to move the conversation forward.

Linking to something relevant shifts the focus to that connection.

5 people, independently

Give genuine compliments to people.

It is extremely rare and many people want one.

one person who lived it

• Look for things to compliment the other person on.1

Keep up with news and read books of any kind to expand your knowledge base.

A larger knowledge base helps make you more interesting.

2 people, independently

• Expand your knowledge and experience so you have more topics to talk about with people.3

Add details to add to someone else's familiar story if others in the group haven't heard it.

The storyteller may appreciate it, and it helps make others look good.

• The storyteller only sometimes appreciates it.

one person who lived it

Expand your vocabulary to associate words and ideas quickly.

Knowing the right word to use at the right time can be a valuable asset in making people laugh.

one person who lived it

Write down five things you are interested in or want to learn about to help with finding relevant social events.

This makes searching for enjoyable events much easier.

one person who lived it

Ask for support explicitly if you need it.

The response will inform you about the person's willingness to help.

one person who lived it

Send content related to a previously mentioned interest, such as a news article or meme, to show you keep them in mind.

It demonstrates that you are thinking of them.

one person who lived it

• Send memes or TikToks about mutual interests to maintain connection, even if you haven't spoken in months.3

When introducing two people, identify and share something they have in common, such as an interest, activity, or hobby.

It allows them to forge a connection and establish common ground.

• Avoid implying negative traits (e.g., saying someone is 'trying to get into shape' implies they are out of shape).
• Be aware that one person might dominate the conversation.

2 people, independently

Ask where the other person is from.

It helps in remembering someone at first.

one person who lived it

Ask specific questions instead of vague ones so people do not have to struggle for an answer.

3 people, independently

• Ask detailed questions to receive detailed answers.1
• Ask questions starting with 'How' or 'What' to require explanations and keep the conversation flowing.1

Show photos of your cat if you are desperate for a topic.

It is oddly effective.

one person who lived it

Focus on experiencing things yourself and recording them so you have interesting content to share.

You can show pictures of cool stuff you've done.

one person who lived it

When someone shares something meaningful, acknowledge it and share a resonant part of your own life.

This works wonders!

one person who lived it

Focus on the reasons behind someone's passions rather than the topic itself to learn more about who they are.

The underlying reasons define people as people.

one person who lived it

Use a shared activity to help bridge the time needed to connect with new people.

It helps create the necessary duration for connection.

one person who lived it

Follow up introductions with comments about the place you are both in.

It works wonders.

one person who lived it

Look at people like unread books that you want to know more about.

one person who lived it

• Think of people as uncharted unknown planets to explore for interesting details.1

Compliment something specific the person has chosen to wear or use, ensuring it is not sexual or inappropriate.

It shows you noticed them in a positive light.

• For women, compliment everything except their body or looks.

3 people, independently

• Comment on what someone is wearing or doing, such as genuinely complimenting their outfit.5

Review people's social media posts beforehand and ask about them in person.

It makes them light up as if you remembered important details from a conversation.

• Based on one person's experience

one person who lived it

Play the 'Yes And' game by repeating back the other person's sentiment and adding one new thing to it.

3 people, independently

Aim to make someone feel something—laugh, think, or react—by sharing interesting anecdotes or stories.

The goal is for someone to feel something.

one person who lived it

• Share personal stories that reveal things about yourself to generate great reactions.5

Think out loud about your observations or thoughts to invite others to respond.

Social people may respond to you.

one person who lived it

Control conversation flow by asking follow-up questions, acting like an orchestra conductor.

This lets you control the flow while letting the other person speak.

2 people, independently

• Use details you already know about the other person to start or continue conversations, such as checking in on past events they mentioned.3
• Cultivate curiosity about people's answers and comments to generate follow-up questions that clarify their story.5
• Pay attention to details people share to create personalized follow-up conversations.3
• Continue the conversation after answering a question by adding details or asking another question.3

Remember details about what people like, such as their interests in sports, food, or media.

People appreciate it, and it allows for fun comparisons or exchanges of ideas.

one person who lived it

Share mundane details of your life, such as problems you fixed at work.

Bored listeners are often interested in these specifics.

one person who lived it

• Share trivia bits about your interests to engage the listener.1