Dating
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
View rejection as an experience to learn from rather than a reason to get down.
You can learn from your mistakes.
4 people, independently
- Reframe your goal for a couple of months so that receiving a rejection counts as a win.1
Avoid texting constantly if you are both at home doing nothing.
There will be nothing to talk about.
one person who lived it
Avoid sexually tinted jokes or innuendo when just starting to chat with someone.
It can push people away.
- One person reported this feeling; they noted they may be the exception.
one person who lived it
Read the first section of 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck'.
The book is described as amazing.
one person who lived it
Reframe sliding into DMs as simply talking to a person by asking what you would say to a friend.
It may make it easier.
one person who lived it
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Act as if you possess total confidence, even when you lack it, to help overcome insecurity.
Embrace being quiet, viewing it as a powerful position rather than a weakness.
The loudest person in the room is often the weakest.
one person who lived it
Use the mantra 'So what?' to short-circuit worrying and overthinking when facing fear.
It allows you to act by stopping the worry.
one person who lived it
Embrace yourself and persist in your efforts, even if it feels like losing hope.
They will eventually realize your effort, though it may take a while.
one person who lived it
Think of women as just another person rather than the opposite sex to reduce pressure.
This helps you focus on knowing what she is like as a person.
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Accept rejection repeatedly until you realize the world does not end, which removes its power over you.
Seeing that the world doesn't collapse takes the effect out of the rejection.
one person who lived it
Practice approaching people in low-stakes situations first and treat each rejection like a debugging error that brings you closer to success.
Each 'no' gets you closer to a 'yes'.
one person who lived it
Ask someone to explain a shared work topic you do not understand.
If they help with something small, they are more likely to agree to requests requiring more effort.
one person who lived it
Fake confidence until you make it, recognizing that people are drawn to confident people.
People love confident people.
one person who lived it
Progress conversation from class work to schedule, major, career goals, and finally hopes and dreams.
Reaching the level of hopes and dreams helps you find more in common.
one person who lived it
If a date insists on paying, suggest they pay for the next time to defuse the argument and signal interest in a future meeting.
Further insistence signals there likely won't be a next time.
one person who lived it
Stop putting women on a pedestal or perceiving them as queens.
Perceiving them this way increases nervousness and fear around them.
2 people, independently
- Stop putting women on a pedestal and view them as ordinary humans rather than magical creatures defining your worth.1
Be your authentic self and trust your gut; if she doesn't like the real you, she isn't the right match.
one person who lived it
Avoid flirting initially; qualify the person to see if they pass a vibe check for hanging out further.
Being pretty does not mean someone is girlfriend material.
one person who lived it
Include a specific, quirky detail in your dating profile to filter out people who do not share your sense of humor or lifestyle.
Those put off by the detail are unlikely to be compatible with you anyway.
one person who lived it
Stop viewing attractive women as being out of your league or on a pedestal; remember they are just ordinary people to reduce your nerves.
Viewing them as ordinary people helps cool your nerves.
one person who lived it
Comment on platonic details in their feed, such as pets, hobbies, or holidays.
It shows you like them as an individual.
one person who lived it
Act before overthinking paralyzes you.
Thoughts can rot your mind.
one person who lived it
If the person matters to you, focus on getting to know them rather than making sexual conquest your ultimate goal.
Making sex the ultimate goal makes the experience fleeting.
one person who lived it
If a woman seems hesitant or uncomfortable during an approach, wish her a nice day and disengage immediately.
There is nothing more you can do in that situation.
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Adopt the mindset that an attractive woman is just as flawed as you are to create an equal playing field.
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Partner with a confident friend for a joint approach to gain extra confidence through association.
Being friends with a confident person provides a boost in confidence.
one person who lived it
If a potential date repeatedly cancels or fails to respond after multiple requests, stop replying and move on.
It allows you to focus your energy elsewhere.
one person who lived it
Remove a woman's physical attractiveness from your consideration to reduce the pressure of making mistakes.
Caring less about her looks makes you care less if you mess up.
one person who lived it
Act as if you possess total confidence, even when you lack it, to help overcome insecurity.
7 people, independently
Ignore unsolicited drinks from strangers, recognizing that buying one is often an attempt to claim your attention rather than a genuine gesture.
Some people believe sending an unwanted drink creates an obligation for attention or a chance.
one person who lived it
Proceed with the action despite fear, recognizing that everyone feels afraid.
Everyone is afraid.
one person who lived it
Check with mutual friends if the person is interested in a relationship before investing effort.
You may discover they are not currently wanting a relationship.
one person who lived it
Accept that you are not owed anything and that rejection does not diminish your personal value.
one person who lived it
View women as people and human beings rather than social prizes to make conversations more natural.
one person who lived it
When cold approaching, remove the goal of dating or getting a number initially to delete the anxious voice.
one person who lived it
Treat the person like a friend or a random individual, recognizing they are not a different species.
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Keep approaching women despite rejections, treating it as a numbers game where eventual success is statistically likely.
Like throwing things at a wall until something sticks, keeping asking increases the chance of finding a connection or relationship.
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View rejection due to drinking incompatibility as a matter of lifestyle fit rather than a moral failing.
People generally prefer companions with similar habits and ideas of fun.
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Project friend vibes and avoid pursuing romantic interest until the other person signals mutual attraction.
Friend-making de-escalates interpersonal tension.
one person who lived it
Do not limit potential romantic interests to your specific age group.
one person who lived it
Change your internal narrative from fearing rejection to fearing missing an opportunity to meet the woman of your dreams.
one person who lived it
Put yourself out there by being vulnerable, recognizing that expressing vulnerability is commendable and admirable.
one person who lived it
Relax by recognizing that gender differences are largely due to socialization and that understanding each other is possible.
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Start conversations by asking simple questions about shared interests like food, movies, or music.
Ask your date what she is thinking during moments of silence.
If she's not talking she's probably thinking.
one person who lived it
Avoid using gossip or complaining to fill silences when trying to impress someone, as one person found this a total turn-off.
It paints you in a bad light.
one person who lived it
Stop seeking scripted advice or watching videos on what to say so you can remain authentic.
Following external scripts prevents you from being yourself.
one person who lived it
If the other person has a lot to say, practice active listening and let them vent.
You served your purpose by letting them speak; active listening can make their day.
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Talk to women as you would talk to one of your best friends.
3 people, independently
- Approach making friends with women the same way you would with men: find similar interests and ask about them.3
Make a casual joke about your shared surroundings to break the ice.
It eases tension and helps you come across as relaxed and inviting.
one person who lived it
Allow for silence in conversation rather than rushing to fill it, recognizing that dialogue is a two-way process requiring time for the other person to process and contribute.
Conversations are not monologues; the other person needs time to talk too.
3 people, independently
Speak to someone to make their day slightly better.
People are often bored, which is reason enough to engage.
one person who lived it
If you want to avoid public embarrassment when asking someone out, casually walk with them as they leave and chat without making a request.
It may prompt them to take the initiative or wonder if something is wrong with them.
one person who lived it
Use statements, facts, or observations instead of only asking questions to avoid sounding like an interview.
Asking only questions can be boring and make the other person feel interrogated.
3 people, independently
Compliment a woman directly and hold a conversation to show genuine interest, as few men have the courage to do so.
You are already ahead of others who lack the guts to compliment and converse in person.
one person who lived it
Suggest moving to a quieter location if conversation stalls.
It may make talking easier.
- This approach may not work early in a conversation.
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Prepare five conversation topics that both parties might find interesting in advance.
Conversing requires effort from both sides.
one person who lived it
Move on from online conversations if the other person is not engaged, not asking questions back, or contributing enough.
They are considered a lost cause.
one person who lived it
Avoid using overused games like Truth or Dare to connect.
They are often annoying despite being fun.
one person who lived it
Demonstrate wit and sarcasm through your profile writing rather than stating that you possess these traits.
Explicitly claiming to be funny is a strong indicator that the person is not actually witty or sarcastic.
one person who lived it
Incorporate banter and light roasting into conversations to feel more comfortable and genuine.
One person found it made them feel less bland and described it as fun.
one person who lived it
Find an activity to do while hanging out, such as cooking, playing cards, walking, or going to a museum, to reduce pressure on conversational skills.
The distraction or activity puts less pressure on conversational skills.
one person who lived it
Start conversations by asking simple questions about shared interests like food, movies, or music.
17 people, independently
- Start a conversation about what you are interested in or what the other person is interested in.3
Provide open-ended answers that allow the conversation to branch out, rather than giving one-word responses.
One-word responses can turn an interaction into an interview rather than a conversation if the other person does not build on them.
one person who lived it
Approach strangers only in settings where mingling is expected, such as concerts or events.
3 people, independently
Use humor to playfully challenge non-committal responses, such as joking about the literal meaning of doing 'nothing'.
It can make the other person laugh.
one person who lived it
Practice flirting by entertaining women you are not interested in to develop social skills and brighten their day.
It helps develop an unconscious ability to be social.
one person who lived it
When approaching someone you are interested in, compliment a chosen aspect of their appearance, such as hair or glasses.
These items reflect personal choice and are not sexual in nature.
one person who lived it
Introduce yourself simply and honestly instead of using pickup lines or awkward jokes.
It is refreshing to hear something normal.
one person who lived it
If cold approaching feels impossible, use a mutual acquaintance to help with the initial interaction.
It removes the pressure of cold approaching and makes conversation feel possible.
one person who lived it
Make short, professional comments to office staff or cashiers at each interaction opportunity.
You will gain confidence.
one person who lived it
Talk about topics you are passionate about rather than focusing solely on what the other person likes.
Passion for a subject can fuel interesting conversations.
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Avoid political topics on dates because they can be lame.
political talk is considered lame in this context
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Present yourself as chill and smooth rather than extroverted and quirky; avoid mimicking YouTube pickup artists.
Mimicking YouTubers makes you an annoying cringey dickhead.
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Develop natural opinions about various topics to have material for conversation.
Having opinions gives you something to talk about.
- Opinions must be natural, not forced.
one person who lived it
Watch Seinfeld to learn how to talk about nothing, mimicking the characters' style to start conversations.
The show demonstrates talking about trivial topics, which provides a good starting point for conversation.
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Open conversations with whatever comes to mind rather than hesitating; mistakes can be corrected later.
Hesitation is a roadblock that must be overcome.
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Expand on basic answers by asking follow-up questions or making related comments instead of expecting the other person to elaborate extensively.
Basic questions yield basic answers.
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Comment on current events or share a recent personal story to encourage reciprocal conversation.
People usually reciprocate comments and stories, which helps the conversation happen.
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Learn to relax into and enjoy conversations, attract and hold interest, and then leverage that interest to propose fun activities.
Warming people up first prevents coming on too strong, such as asking a stranger to skydive immediately.
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Ask class-related questions, such as about homework, to initiate contact.
Schoolwork is a shared commonality.
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Say whatever observation pops into your head about the person or surroundings rather than using prepared opening lines.
Opening lines don't really matter because the person likely won't remember what you first said; approaching with confidence is what counts.
one person who lived it
dating5
Read 'Models' by Mark Manson for dating advice.
It contains great advice for dating as a man.
one person who lived it
Plan a low-pressure activity like mini-golf for a first date.
It provides built-in interaction and something to do.
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Do not include a disclaimer that you dislike drama in your dating profile.
People who explicitly state this often actually love drama.
one person who lived it
Approach interactions with a mindset of developing friendship first rather than dating.
Being friends helps you know them better, care for them, and allows conversations to flow better.
one person who lived it
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Read 'Models' by Mark Manson for practical help with social dynamics without relying on manipulative pickup artist tactics.
It provides practical help without being 'shitty PUA' that relies on cheap lines.
one person who lived it
Leave people alone if they are already engaged with others.
Interrupting someone talking to a group is rude.
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Send one early double text to show you are human and ease tension.
It counters childish behavior regarding double texts.
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Bluntly state that you will leave them alone if they are bothered, using their reaction to gauge their interest.
Their reaction will be very telling regarding their interest level.
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Get someone's attention by saying their name or using a gentle verbal cue rather than tapping their shoulder.
Tapping strangers on the shoulder is considered creepy.
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Give a slight wave after making eye contact and smiling to confirm interest in a less awkward way.
It serves as an unspoken reconfirmation that the other person wants to be approached.
one person who lived it
Yawn to see if the person yawns back, which indicates contagious yawning and attention.
Contagious yawning gives a clue if they are paying attention to you.
one person who lived it