Empathy
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Do not mock another person's laughter.
Laughter is a stress reliever and expression of joy; mocking it shuts down joy and causes lasting self-consciousness.
- People may have no control over it.
11 people, independently
Mix up your jokes and avoid repeating the same ribbing topic more than once or twice.
Repeating a joke more than once or twice can be hurtful.
one person who lived it
Treat disabled people with standard respect and courtesy without making a big deal out of their disability.
Many disabled people prefer to be treated like everyone else rather than being handled as special cases to counteract victimhood.
7 people, independently
Let the sender feel good about sharing something funny rather than pointing out that you have already seen it.
People share funny things to see you laugh; saying you have already seen it is a buzz kill.
- Laughing at a known punchline can make you feel phony.
- Fake laughter from a chronic sharer can be annoying.
2 people, independently
- Instead of saying you have seen a shared meme or video before, express your initial positive reaction to it as if seeing it now.2
Ask the person once whether they prefer you to just listen or help brainstorm solutions.
You know immediately what they need.
5 people, independently
- Ask the person directly how they would like to be helped, for example by asking if they want sympathy or solutions.5
- Ask the distressed person whether they want practical suggestions or just need to vent and be validated.4
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Be honest if you have already seen shared content, but do not be rude about it.
Honesty reaffirms genuineness and avoids pointless lying; however, some argue that pretending is a harmless courtesy.
- Some view honesty as necessary for genuineness, while others see it as disappointing compared to polite pretense.
6 people, independently
Do not let strangers' bad attitudes ruin your mood.
Letting strangers control your feelings leads to a rough life.
one person who lived it
Avoid putting others down to boost your own image.
It is frequently noticeable and can lead people to view you less favorably.
3 people, independently
Never attribute actions to malice if they can be explained by ignorance or stupidity.
Most people lack the energy for complex schemes, though assigning misfortune to a grand scheme feels better than accepting randomness.
3 people, independently
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If no one laughs at your joke in a group, do not repeat it loudly, as this makes you appear desperate.
Repeating the joke implies people didn't hear you, but they likely heard it and found it unfunny; repeating it reduces its humor further.
- Some argue that if no one literally heard it, repeating it is different from if no one laughed.
- Timing matters: a second joke might upstage the first.
2 people, independently
- If a joke fails to land, let it go immediately rather than explaining it.4
- Feign deafness or ask the joker to repeat themselves to deflate the punchline.1
Only criticize friends if doing so feels painful to you; hold your tongue if you take any pleasure in it.
Taking pleasure suggests you are criticizing to feel better about yourself rather than to help the friend.
- This is described as a guideline rather than a hard rule.
one person who lived it
Make it clear to disrespectful people that they are behaving poorly so they learn to give you a wide berth.
It helps you feel much better.
one person who lived it
Quietly alert someone if they have a noticeable visual issue, such as food stuck in their teeth or a broken zipper.
This stops them from facing embarrassment for the remainder of the day.
- Be respectful.
- One person reported being met with hostility despite a long friendship.
3 people, independently
If you see someone who looks downcast, give them a compliment.
It is free and many people would enjoy having something to cherish.
one person who lived it
When someone points out a flaw in your attitude or character, pause to examine yourself instead of dismissing them.
This allows you to learn, grow, and become a better person, whereas spurning the feedback feeds your ego and burns bridges.
one person who lived it
If a friend's joke lands poorly, ask if they are okay instead of assuming malice.
It creates a moment for the offended party to explain what is wrong and changes the mood.
one person who lived it
Frame an embarrassing oversight as a one-time mistake to allow the other person to save face.
It is a kindness.
one person who lived it
Learn to say 'no' when you honestly don't want to do something.
To avoid getting that resentful feeling.
one person who lived it
Appreciate people doing jobs you would not want to perform, as disparaging them reflects poorly on you.
Putting people down makes you viewed like a monster and puts down yourself.
one person who lived it
Do not mock or criticize traits a person cannot change immediately.
- Unless the person mocks themselves first.
3 people, independently
- Provide constructive, actionable feedback instead of criticizing inherent attributes.1
Do not mock someone who is learning a new skill, regardless of their age.
Bumbling occurs because the activity is brand new, not because the person is an idiot.
one person who lived it
Keep friends who send you memes, as sharing humor is their way of remembering you and seeking connection.
When they see something funny, they remember you and want you to laugh too.
one person who lived it
Do not be a jerk and do not hang out with jerks.
This applies to both work and life.
one person who lived it
Avoid shaming introverts, as it is mean-spirited and serves no purpose.
Shaming does no good.
one person who lived it
Give nice notes even to people who act aloof, as they may still appreciate them.
Even those who act too cool often get happy when receiving a nice note.
one person who lived it
Ask awkward questions with confidence so they come across as funny rather than weird.
A shaky or uncertain voice prevents this effect.
one person who lived it
Never shove someone's face into a cake.
It is mean, stupid, and risks serious injury or death; it also contaminates the food with germs.
one person who lived it
Avoid making joking comments when shy people step out of their comfort zone, as this can cause them to withdraw for months or end relationships.
one person who lived it
Remind yourself that rude actors likely were not targeting you or even thinking of you when they acted.
It is comforting.
one person who lived it
Compliment unique aspects of people, such as a musical laugh, to deepen connections.
It serves as a deep compliment.
- One approach that helped: ...
one person who lived it
Tell friends about minor, fixable social faux pas so they can correct them immediately.
You are helping them out by alerting them to issues like food in their teeth or misplaced hair.
3 people, independently
Do not point out pimples or blemishes on someone's face.
They already know about them.
2 people, independently
Encourage unique expressions of happiness, such as snort laughs, rather than discouraging them.
They show genuine joy and are beautiful.
2 people, independently
- Do not criticize people's expressions of joy, such as singing loudly, as it may cause them to hide those behaviors for decades.1
Do not assume laughter indicates agreement or enjoyment; people may laugh out of discomfort or social pressure.
People often laugh when uncomfortable or to avoid being the odd one out.
one person who lived it
Do not mirror the negative tactics, such as mudslinging, of people you detest.
You should strive to be better than those you dislike rather than adopting their methods.
one person who lived it
Support and validate others' excitement rather than dismissing or mocking it.
Mocking excitement can ruin relationships and cause people to stop sharing with you, cutting off your access to information about them.
one person who lived it
If someone mocks you, do not let it affect you, recognizing that they would likely find another reason to mock you anyway.
Misery loves company.
one person who lived it
Stop sharing personal news with a boss who responds with negativity.
They may hate seeing others happy.
one person who lived it
When someone annoys you, check if they are displaying traits you dislike in yourself, as this may signal personal shame or a flaw you need to address.
one person who lived it
Give neutral gifts like cookies instead of religious materials when showing kindness to people of different faiths or no faith.
Giving religious texts to someone of a different belief system can be insulting, similar to giving an atheist a book denying God.
one person who lived it
Say 'excuse me?!' slightly loudly to signal disapproval and prompt reflection in someone making inappropriate comments.
It can make people think they said something wrong.
one person who lived it
Respond enthusiastically to memes, GIFs, or TikToks sent by others, even if you have seen them, rather than stating you already saw them.
The sender thought of you and believed you would enjoy it.
one person who lived it
Use 'seem' instead of 'look' when commenting on someone's emotional state to avoid sounding insulting.
Saying 'you seem' contains no insult, whereas 'you look' can be perceived as one.
one person who lived it
Be cautious about what you say to strangers or acquaintances.
Social circles often overlap unexpectedly, and you may offend someone connected to people you know.
one person who lived it
Point out objective mistakes like food in teeth or undone flies, but avoid criticizing subjective style choices like makeup or clothing matches.
Criticizing style is rude, whereas pointing out mistakes is helpful.
one person who lived it
When someone makes an offensive generalization about a specific group, ask for precise details about their claim to expose ignorance or bias.
Asking for specifics can cause the person to drop the conversation when they realize their lack of knowledge.
one person who lived it
Be careful how you verbalize observations about others' petty quirks, as they may be listening.
Comments on involuntary traits, like showing too much teeth when smiling, can be deeply damaging and difficult for the recipient to fix.
one person who lived it
Ignore inappropriate pet names or comments from customers while continuing your conversation.
This shuts down the behavior most.
one person who lived it
Be mindful of correcting others' pronunciation or grammar.
It can come across as snarky.
one person who lived it
Avoid telling people to ignore a specific flaw or detail, as this instruction makes it the focal point of their attention.
Drawing attention to something you want ignored turns it into a focal point for judgment.
one person who lived it
Use the '5-minute rule': only mention appearance flaws if they can be fixed in under five minutes.
3 people, independently
View meme sharing as a platonic form of 'giving pebbles,' similar to penguin courtship rituals.
one person who lived it
Avoid toxic positivity; allow space for negative emotions rather than forcing a bright side.
Compulsive positivity feels preachy, fake, and exhausting.
2 people, independently
Avoid correcting pronunciation if the point is communicated, as such judgments can be classist.
It avoids embarrassing someone unnecessarily.
one person who lived it
Laugh loudly at jokes you already know, especially in a group, to encourage the teller and support the social atmosphere.
Encouraging laughter acts heroically, whereas killing it acts like an asshole.
one person who lived it
Begin criticism by stating positive attributes about the person.
It softens the blow of the subsequent critique.
one person who lived it
Know your audience well before joking about their appearance; avoid making such jokes with people you do not know well.
Unfamiliarity increases the risk of crossing boundaries regarding personal attributes.
one person who lived it
If you have already seen shared content, acknowledge it but explicitly state that you still find it funny or interesting to validate the sharer.
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disabled, disability, condition, people20
Ask a disabled person before offering help.
Assuming you can help may make things harder or cause distress.
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- Accept 'no' immediately if a disabled person declines your offer of help.1
Do not stare at disabled people.
Staring makes disabled people feel like a circus act and can upset them.
one person who lived it
When teaching new skills, instruct learners only on what to do ('do X') rather than what not to do ('don't do Y').
Focusing on correct actions helps learners focus on execution rather than errors.
one person who lived it
Avoid holding doors from a distance or rushing disabled people at crosswalks.
Rushing them creates pressure that can lead to injury.
one person who lived it
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Speak to adults with physical disabilities using the same tone and vocabulary you would use for any other adult.
Being in a wheelchair does not make someone a small child.
one person who lived it
Do not call disabled people 'inspirational' or tell them they make you grateful for your own life.
It is dehumanizing and patronizing.
2 people, independently
Avoid discussing a disabled person's condition or needs in their presence as if they cannot hear or understand.
They do understand.
one person who lived it
- Address disabled people directly rather than speaking to their companions or caregivers in front of them.3
Speak directly to deaf or hard-of-hearing people rather than looking at or addressing their interpreters.
Looking at the interpreter instead of the deaf person is considered rude.
one person who lived it
Mind your own business regarding others' use of handicapped parking spots rather than confronting them.
Confrontations can lead to fights and assault, and the person may have a hidden condition like a heart issue that limits walking distance.
one person who lived it
Instruct children using positive commands for desired behaviors (e.g., 'use walking feet') instead of negative prohibitions (e.g., 'don't run').
Using words for what you want clarifies the expected behavior.
one person who lived it
Avoid framing your disability as a dependency on others (e.g., 'my parents drive me') when meeting new people.
Stating that others move you implies a reliance on them for transportation.
one person who lived it
Avoid using the term 'differently abled'.
Some find it inaccurate or unprotective of feelings.
- One person stated they prefer being called 'differently abled' because it highlights skills gained in other areas despite deficits.
3 people, independently
Recognize that disabled people may already know the quickest way to perform tasks.
Unasked interruptions to their established plans are not helpful.
one person who lived it
Avoid expressing pity or saying you are sorry for someone's disability.
It does not help and can make the person feel invalidated after disclosing their condition.
one person who lived it
Frame safety reminders positively (e.g., 'drive safely') to keep the focus on the desired outcome rather than the negative event.
It ensures the focus word is the positive action rather than the accident or danger.
one person who lived it
Ask permission before touching or moving a person's wheelchair.
Moving someone without permission can be terrifying and inappropriate.
one person who lived it
Always assume positive intent when interacting with disabled people.
It saves wasted energy.
one person who lived it
Intervene in immediate safety threats, such as warning a blind person of traffic danger.
one person who lived it
talk, questions, conversation, asking40
View each interaction as a chance to gain new life insights you previously lacked.
6 people, independently
Admit you have already seen a video but tell the person it will be better the second time.
It is honest and still nice.
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If struggling to be friendly, ask yourself how you would want someone to approach you.
It is better than fear.
- It won't always work.
one person who lived it
Learn how others talk in comforting situations to improve your skills over time.
You may not know how now, but you will learn.
one person who lived it
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Find people who interest you and spend more time with them.
This avoids being stuck with people you don't care about.
one person who lived it
Talk less and let others talk more, asking questions to get to know them.
People will likely help you someday, so it is helpful to get to know them.
one person who lived it
Do not test people to determine their intentions.
Testing shows distrust, which others can see, causing you to lose their trust.
one person who lived it
Make the first move to establish trust so others feel safe enough to open up and talk more.
Establishing trust allows them to start opening up.
one person who lived it
If others are too absorbed in themselves to leave space for you, duck out and take a walk rather than forcing your way in.
You do not need to hear your voice enough to force entry, and it avoids wasting energy on those who won't listen.
one person who lived it
Pay attention to what works and doesn't work as you practice asking personal questions.
You will slowly become better at it.
one person who lived it
Ask open-ended questions to avoid one-word answers and appear more friendly.
People love to talk about themselves.
one person who lived it
Verify a friend's authenticity by looking at their actions, such as setting aside time or doing things they don't have to do.
Actions are the teller of whether someone is a true friend.
one person who lived it
Interpret a friend's small talk as an effort to show value in the friendship rather than rudeness.
They may fear sounding like they only contact you when needing something.
one person who lived it
Talk about your own passions and interests.
Enthusiasm is contagious and people love to hear others talk with passion.
one person who lived it
Treat sharing a meme or video as an entry point for conversation and respond with engagement, such as 'LOL', to show interest.
It helps gain a better understanding of their personality.
- Saying you have seen it or ignoring it stings.
one person who lived it
Stop being angry when others do not initiate contact, recognizing that your own lack of initiative explains their silence.
It is no surprise why people do not reach out first if you never enjoy texting.
one person who lived it
Walk in front of a group rather than behind them to stay within their eyeline and make it easier for them to include you in conversation.
Walking behind requires others to look back to speak with you; walking in front allows you to look back and integrate yourself more easily.
one person who lived it
Ask specific, non-assumptive questions like 'Is there anything I can do?' or 'Do you need suggestions?' instead of offering unsolicited advice.
These phrases don't imply they can't think for themselves.
one person who lived it
Act interested in things others are interested in to succeed, but be aware that this lack of genuineness can eat at you.
To succeed in interactions with difficult people.
- The lack of genuineness on your part eats at you.
one person who lived it
Ask questions to explore the fears or worries underlying their emotional reaction so you can offer more reassurance.
It allows them to express underlying fears or worries.
one person who lived it
If someone does not match your effort after you discuss it, stop putting energy into the relationship.
Continued lack of effort indicates they do not care about you.
one person who lived it
Use empathy as your primary social skill for conversation and banter.
It is described as the single most useful skill for these interactions.
one person who lived it
Take up broader conversation about what someone got out of a shared item, rather than just giving a generic positive response.
It allows for deeper discussion about their likes, even if they didn't like the item.
one person who lived it
Talk about topics that invite participation from anyone in the group, avoiding subjects that single out specific people or exclude others.
Singling someone out or focusing on narrow subjects can leave others out.
one person who lived it
Clarify your intentions lightly from the start, such as asking if someone is romantically seeing anyone else when inviting them out.
To avoid being perceived as having ulterior motives or being creepy.
one person who lived it
Use open-ended questions like 'tell me everything' instead of 'why' to encourage talking without sounding aggressive.
Asking 'why' comes off as aggressive.
one person who lived it
Test friendship interest by texting first and observing if the other person reciprocates or initiates later.
If they never text back or text first, they probably do not want to be friends.
one person who lived it
When a friend shares content you have already seen, honestly state that you have seen it and add a specific comment to keep the conversation going.
Staying quiet after admitting you've seen it makes the conversation awkward and signals disinterest.
2 people, independently
Be genuinely interested and remain silent to allow the other person to elaborate without interruption.
People are comforted by being listened to; silence can help them answer their own questions or clear their mind.
one person who lived it
Show interest in someone's excitement by asking questions about the topic rather than feigning emotion yourself.
This allows them to talk about it without coming off as insincere.
one person who lived it
Encourage friends to participate in activities like singing by matching their ability level, rather than showcasing your own skill alone.
It is more fun if they sing along with you.
one person who lived it
Engage with strangers in daily life, such as shop workers or taxi drivers, by asking contextual follow-up questions.
one person who lived it
Focus on how the other person speaks about their topic and whether they light up, rather than caring about the specific subject matter itself.
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Focus on fostering genuine curiosity for others and making them feel safe and welcome, rather than trying to impress them.
one person who lived it
If you cannot genuinely fake sincerity about seeing something new, be upfront about having seen it but discuss specific aspects you liked.
Pretending something is new does not feel good to the receiver.
one person who lived it
Actively listen without interruption, trying to understand the other person's perspective rather than just waiting to respond.
This helps you genuinely get interested.
one person who lived it
Approach conversations selfishly by looking for expertise, experiences, or networking benefits you can gain.
You can learn something from the conversation.
one person who lived it
Connect with others by discussing general topics or similar interests you share.
It is easier to connect and talk about similar interests.
one person who lived it
Ask questions and listen before making assumptions or giving opinions.
It is considered courteous.
one person who lived it
Attempt to engage only those who appear quiet or bored, rather than trying to include everyone's interests in every topic.
You cannot include everyone's knowledge and interests in everything.
one person who lived it
Accept that being single at age 22 is normal and simply means one did not start a teenage relationship.
Everyone is on their own journey.
one person who lived it
Play the long game in relationships by accepting that some days will be pleasant and others will not.
This is how folks successfully build relationships.
one person who lived it
Stop trying to force people to like you or fit in with groups that are not a good match for you.
one person who lived it
people, empathy, feelings, person63
Presume ignorance rather than bad intent when interpreting others' actions.
Validate the person's feelings instead of trying to fix their problem or judging them.
Trying to fix problems or offering judgment is unhelpful and makes people feel worse.
3 people, independently
- Listen empathetically and refrain from offering solutions unless the person explicitly asks for them.4
Focus on being a focused listener above all else.
Often, people simply desire someone willing to hear them out.
3 people, independently
Mirror back what you hear the person saying to help them feel understood.
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Do nice things because they feel good, not to gain recognition or benefits.
You will be happier at least.
one person who lived it
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Focus on executing your long-term plan rather than reacting to others.
Long term aims lead to long term wins.
one person who lived it
Act with kindness and generosity without seeking any reward or reciprocation.
Compassion should be offered freely; performing good acts only when expecting a specific result does not define your character.
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Use common phrases like 'I'm sorry' to signal that the person is not alone, even if they feel superficial.
It acts as a crutch that allows you to express support when you are unsure what else to say.
one person who lived it
Show support for people through non-monetary contributions like cleaning up after events.
You do not need money to show up for people.
one person who lived it
Judge a person's character by observing what they do when no one is watching or when there is no reward involved.
This reveals their true character.
one person who lived it
Focus on making people feel good, since they may forget your exact words but retain the feeling you gave them.
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Ask permission before offering physical comfort like hugs or touch.
Some people feel uncomfortable with touch when panicked and distressed.
3 people, independently
Learn your friends' love languages to express care in ways they appreciate.
It ensures your expressions of care are received well.
one person who lived it
Refrain from judging others to feel freer to express yourself authentically.
If no one judges, people are more likely to be themselves without fear of criticism.
one person who lived it
Never pass judgment on someone without understanding their perspective; never follow the crowd; admit when you don't know something.
There are three sides to every story.
one person who lived it
Be nice to people regardless of whether they can negatively impact your life.
Their power to make your life worse is irrelevant.
one person who lived it
Watch Brené Brown's YouTube videos on empathy to learn how to listen without judgment.
Brené Brown talks about listening without judgment in her videos.
one person who lived it
Offer quiet presence and physical comfort without trying to fix the person's mood.
Pets help owners by simply being present rather than actively trying to make them happy.
one person who lived it
Focus on understanding how and why people think rather than just what they say.
People are fascinating creatures, and their thought processes are more interesting than their words.
one person who lived it
See women as human beings who feel, hurt, think, bleed, eat, sleep, and experience life just like you do.
one person who lived it
Be kind to help the whole environment flow smoothly, since we live in an interdependent world.
Being mean makes life harder for everyone, including you.
one person who lived it
Use the golden rule as a guide for your own behavior to lead by example, not as a promise that others will reciprocate.
The rule is intended to help you feel good about your actions and provide a behavioral guide, not to change others' behavior.
one person who lived it
Print photos of loved ones and display them prominently on a wall nearby.
It allows the person to see and feel connected to their loved ones through the images.
one person who lived it
Recognize that people are often minding their own business and will likely pass by without caring about what you say.
Just as you hear others speaking and do not care much, others likely react similarly to you.
one person who lived it
Show understanding by rephrasing their words or empathizing with their perspective rather than asking many questions.
It helps you understand how people feel when they are sad.
one person who lived it
Care about strangers the same way you care about your friends, remembering that they are just like you.
one person who lived it
Act like you care and be polite, as people crave acceptance and attention.
People will react negatively to obvious indifference.
one person who lived it
Do not expect others to know what you were taught or consider common knowledge.
People's perspectives can be surprisingly different from your own.
one person who lived it
Project your self-knowledge onto others by assuming there is a lot of similarity in thoughts and feelings.
You might often find you're right.
one person who lived it
Act on feelings of empathy immediately rather than just feeling them; practice kindness until it becomes second nature.
Empathy shown by being moved to tears should be acted upon; it can be challenging but becomes second nature with practice.
one person who lived it
Ensure people feel understood and cared about, rather than just caring or understanding them internally.
Internal care and understanding are insufficient if the other person does not feel them.
one person who lived it
Practice being kind to everyone regardless of your mood to make it easier over time.
Practicing kindness makes it get easier.
one person who lived it
Think critically about how your words and actions affect others before acting.
It helps realize that negative actions, like cutting someone off in traffic, may have been accidental.
one person who lived it
Never view the distressed person as broken or in need of fixing.
one person who lived it
Allow others to underestimate you in professional settings to observe how they treat those they perceive as subordinate.
It reveals whether the person stratifies people and treats those they view as 'under' them poorly.
one person who lived it
Notice small shifts in a person's mood and sincerely ask if they are okay, rather than just being polite.
one person who lived it
Learn to read people accurately, develop empathy, and practice listening.
These are skills associated with people who are not the main character.
one person who lived it
Judge character by actions rather than public proclamations of kindness.
Words are empty and true kindness does not require validation.
one person who lived it
Try to genuinely understand the 'why' behind someone's actions by considering their upbringing and experiences, even if you do not agree with them.
It helps prevent feeling upset by their actions.
one person who lived it
Adopt the mindset of 'sonder,' recognizing that everyone has a complex inner life as rich as your own.
2 people, independently
Take care of your own needs before trying to support others.
3 people, independently
Stop talking once you have expressed understanding; avoid adding 'but' clauses that negate your empathy.
It is exceedingly rare that someone wants to hear 'I get you, but' after opening up emotionally.
one person who lived it
Use non-verbal cues like nodding, eye contact, and sympathetic facial expressions to mirror empathy.
The person knows they are being heard because their feelings are mirrored on the listener's face.
one person who lived it
Understand and acknowledge where people come from to improve relationships.
It helps in every relationship.
one person who lived it
Acknowledge the validity of the person's feelings using phrases like 'it's okay to cry' or 'that sounds challenging.'
3 people, independently
Interact with people offline to recognize their humanity.
Online platforms often dehumanize those who disagree with you.
one person who lived it
Treat others as you wish to be treated without expecting reciprocation; if they do not return the kindness, adjust your expectations or distance yourself.
Viewing decency as transactional leads to pain and disappointment.
one person who lived it
Trust people and enjoy the moment rather than overthinking their intentions.
Overthinking makes you absent-minded and less present, reducing social success.
one person who lived it
Recall a memory of profound gratitude or relaxation to exude personal warmth.
Mirror neurons tend to reciprocate what you present to others.
one person who lived it
Recognize and validate the emotional component of what people say during conversations.
This leads to people feeling understood.
one person who lived it
Be empathetic to people's situations and refrain from judging them, recognizing you have not walked in their shoes.
You cannot fully understand another person's experience without having lived it yourself.
one person who lived it
Share specific, relatable examples of similar experiences you have had instead of using rote phrases like 'I'm sorry' or 'that sucks'.
One person prefers receiving something more specific and relatable.
one person who lived it
Do not judge people based on their appearance, speech, dress, hobbies, origin, past mistakes, skin color, or religion.
one person who lived it
Distinguish between sympathy, which is expressing culturally acceptable condolences, and empathy, which is placing yourself in another's shoes to understand their feelings.
Empathy drives connection, whereas sympathy is often a reaction that makes the sympathizer feel better themselves.
2 people, independently
Presume ignorance rather than bad intent when interpreting others' actions.
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Accept anonymous acts of kindness gracefully without demanding to know the source.
The giver may have wanted to avoid making you feel embarrassed.
one person who lived it
Remain calm to de-escalate situations and lead with kindness.
One person thrived professionally for decades this way, surpassing coworkers who lacked empathy and were frequently reported by patients.
one person who lived it
Avoid being kind to everyone indiscriminately.
Helpless niceness is perceived as cheap and unappreciated.
one person who lived it
Offer reassurance instead of validation if the person's distress stems from insecurity, as validation might reinforce it.
Validation may reinforce insecurity when the issue is rooted in insecurity rather than just feeling upset.
one person who lived it
Gain intuition for seamless interactions by tuning into the bodily sensations you feel while making mannerisms, rather than relying on conceptual analysis.
The intuition behind maintaining complex interactions is found in these bodily sensations.
one person who lived it
Interpret condescending behavior from young managers or rude customers as insecurity or lack of socialization rather than a reflection of your worth.
Such people are often scared, overwhelmed, deeply insecure, or on an immature power trip.
one person who lived it
If you are grieving, listen to a boss or authority figure who shares their own experience with loss, as this can help you comprehend your feelings.
one person who lived it
Validate yourself internally rather than outsourcing that responsibility to other people.
one person who lived it
food, order, closing, time9
Avoid being the last customer group at a restaurant after closing time.
You may be treated poorly, badmouthed by staff, and keep employees from seeing their families.
2 people, independently
Do not get angry at fast food staff for asking about sales or credit cards.
These questions are required by supervisors who monitor reps closely; failing to ask can lead to firing.
- Some customers feel these requests waste time and may react negatively if asked repeatedly.
one person who lived it
Over-tip service workers if you want to boost their morale for a small cost.
One server reported that a slightly higher tip made them feel like a 'champ' rather than a failure, buying happiness for a small amount.
one person who lived it
Avoid visiting fast-food restaurants within 15 minutes of closing time.
Food quality is lower and workers are eager to leave rather than care about service.
2 people, independently
5 more on this
Order takeout if you arrive near closing time instead of dining in.
Businesses have hours.
2 people, independently
If you must place a late food order, call ahead and explain your work schedule to show consideration.
One person reported this made a difference in how their food was received.
one person who lived it
Understand that businesses remain open on holidays primarily because customers choose to shop or eat there.
If people stopped going, the places would not open.
one person who lived it
Check your drive-thru bag before leaving the window.
Employees frequently miss ordered items.
one person who lived it
Expect lower food quality for the last order of the night.
The last order frustrates cooks and servers, making food quality a low priority.
one person who lived it
service, job, workers, work14
Consider leaving a job with a bad manager rather than one with difficult tasks.
Adopt the mindset that having a job is a privilege.
It helps with the challenge of getting excited about daily tasks.
one person who lived it
Consider leaving a job with a bad manager rather than one with difficult tasks.
People often quit because of their boss rather than the job itself.
2 people, independently
Tell service workers 'I appreciate you' instead of just 'thank you'.
It hits harder when genuine.
one person who lived it
Make others look good rather than bad in social and work settings.
Cooperative approaches are preferred over competitive ones.
- Workplaces will unfortunately reward harmful actions.
one person who lived it
10 more on this
Learn and use the names of people in small-time service roles to build rapport.
one person who lived it
Give positive feedback to service workers' managers.
It is rare and highly appreciated by managers.
one person who lived it
Be nice to cashiers.
They may reciprocate with unexpected kindness or friendship.
one person who lived it
Consider jobs with minimal customer interaction, such as night janitorial work.
It can be very pleasant with nobody bothering you.
one person who lived it
Take pride in feeding and housing yourself through honest work.
It demonstrates fortitude, dedication, and resiliency.
one person who lived it
Present solutions by explaining why they are good enough rather than highlighting their imperfections.
This approach can boost self-confidence, job satisfaction, and productivity.
one person who lived it
Apply rules consistently to all employees.
To avoid perceptions of unfairness.
one person who lived it
Acknowledge that employees may risk employer repercussions to perform acts of kindness.
Such actions can be considered selfless and worth acknowledging.
one person who lived it
Appreciate late-night workers who provide consistent kindness.
one person who lived it
Determine which approach each specific business prefers for best service.
Every business is different.
one person who lived it
quiet, avoid, treat, silent21
If you see someone being interrupted in a group setting, ask them directly to finish their thought.
Do not ask people why they are so quiet; just talk about what you want to discuss.
Not being talkative does not mean someone needs or wants fixing
one person who lived it
- If a quiet person begins to speak, do not talk over them; give them your full attention and withhold your own opinions until they finish.1
Treat everyone the same regardless of how much they speak; avoid getting quiet or awkward when a usually quiet person speaks.
It feels awkward for the speaker when others go silent just because they say less.
one person who lived it
Stand up for yourself without being overly reactive.
Avoid being either a pushover or difficult to deal with.
one person who lived it
Allow quiet people to remain silent in groups with many strangers without singling them out or demanding an explanation.
Some people prefer to stay quiet due to difficulties like stuttering and do not wish to explain their struggle.
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15 more on this
Ask a quiet person once to participate and stop if they decline or remain silent, as persistence is a nuisance.
Persistence is perceived as a nuisance.
one person who lived it
When checking in on someone who had surgery, avoid invasive questions to provide an easy 'out' so they can simply say thanks if they prefer not to elaborate.
It allows the exchange to end comfortably if they do not want to share details.
one person who lived it
Ignore the staring and remain cordial, assuming their intentions are not bad.
I don't think her intentions are bad
one person who lived it
If you see someone being interrupted in a group setting, ask them directly to finish their thought.
4 people, independently
Explicitly introduce quiet or new people to the group to help them feel included.
3 people, independently
Learn to avoid saying 'you're quiet' as it is condescending and makes others uncomfortable.
It sounds rude and increases discomfort for the listener.
one person who lived it
- Avoid telling someone they are being quiet.1
When pointing out a recurring minor issue, offer practical help such as teaching a better method.
One person reported this helped prevent the issue from happening again and made him happy.
one person who lived it
After a public emotional incident at work, treat the person normally in future interactions; do not be extra nice, avoid them, or ask later if they are okay.
Acting as if it never happened avoids making things cold or weird.
one person who lived it
Acknowledge quiet friends by looking at them and laughing along when something funny is said.
This allows them to feel acknowledged without being pressured to speak or put in the spotlight.
one person who lived it
Treat the person normally and do usual activities together, rather than treating them differently because they are sad.
Treating them differently can add to their pain.
one person who lived it
Do not treat customers as the enemy or project your frustrations onto them, as this is an error that does not improve your situation.
one person who lived it
Judge the specific context—including job role, coworkers, company rules, and laws—to decide whether to confront sexual harassment quietly, joke back, or use physical force.
The appropriate response depends on these situational factors.
one person who lived it
Avoid repeatedly asking unemployed acquaintances about their job hunt status; instead, remind them you are available for support.
Repeated questions add pressure.
one person who lived it
Reframe correcting others as 'calling in' by focusing on education and inclusion rather than exclusion.
Focus on positive outcomes rather than the negative initial incident.
one person who lived it
Accept being the quiet one and participate by listening and smiling genuinely, rather than forcing interaction.
Smiling genuinely while listening is a form of participation.
one person who lived it
Do not rely solely on the 'looking when laughing' tip for dating success.
One person reported getting rejected after asking someone out based on this sign.
one person who lived it
Pay your own way in social settings by eating beforehand and ordering only a drink or appetizer if necessary.
This maintains independence and ensures you never owe money to friends.
one person who lived it
Apply for Pell grants if you are below the poverty level to fund community college tuition.
one person who lived it
Tailor financial or life advice to the user's specific geographic location and economic context.
Advice based on one country (like America) may not apply to others.
one person who lived it