Friendship
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Reconnect with old friends who have drifted away; some may be happy to resume contact.
While some friends may have drifted away, others are often happy to hear from you.
- Some friends may have drifted away.
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Share your actual thoughts and feelings instead of only asking questions, so people know who you are rather than seeing you as a background character.
If you only ask questions, people won't know about you.
- This advice may not work well for younger people, as most people aren't going to ask them questions back.
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Attend beginner's dance classes even if you are not a good dancer, as the shared experience of learning can foster deep connections.
One person met their spouse at a beginner's dance class despite having poor dancing skills.
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Embrace the fear of approaching attractive people by seeking out that scary feeling, as doing so will help you grow as a person.
Seeking out this fear leads to personal growth.
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Attend small concerts or gigs by local artists to meet people in a fun, affordable social setting.
These events can lead to lifelong friendships.
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friends, friendships, friendship, people48
Use trial and error to make friends, accepting that not every interaction will click.
Ask directly if the person wants to be friends or hang out as friends.
It is straightforward and what other people think does not really matter.
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Be direct when inviting someone out, such as asking to grab coffee as friends.
Being direct works.
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Outright declare 'you are now my friend' when you connect on something you like.
- This is based on one person's experience as a 25-year-old adult.
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Try to convert online friendships into real-life meetings, as it is easier to lose touch with people you only know online.
It is easier to lose touch with online-only friends.
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Refuse to attend social events where peers pressure you to behave in ways that make you uncomfortable or unsafe.
Some friends may only want to see you drunk or out of control, viewing your sobriety as disappointment.
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Directly tell boys you want to spend time with them, as they may not notice subtle efforts.
Unless you are direct, they likely won't notice your interest.
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Take the lead in initiating plans with male friends, as many will not initiate if you remain passive.
One person found that most friends would not have stayed connected if they had waited for others to reach out.
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Connect with other girls who also struggle to befriend girls.
Finding the other 'odd ones out' helped resolve this issue for one person.
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Cultivate friendships with extroverted people to help with social integration, as they often handle the social effort.
It acts like a 'cheat code' for becoming more social.
- It can be exhausting.
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Avoid people who use threats or emotional manipulation to enforce social compliance.
Friends who threaten to 'lose their shit' if you disappoint them are merely drinking buddies, not true friends.
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Do homework or craft together with friends to create a dynamic where silent working is expected.
The expectation is that both parties are silently working.
- Especially helpful if you are a student.
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Be a kind, non-grating person rather than relying on specific skills to maintain friendships.
Kindness trumps skill; people will not associate with someone who is unpleasant.
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- Focus on developing friendship and relationship skills rather than relying on morality to gain friends.1
Directly tell men you are not interested in a romantic relationship; those who remain after you say this are likely true friends.
Many men will drop you or ignore you if they are not attracted to you, but those who stay are genuine.
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Drift away from friends who exclude or mock you and find people who accept your weirdness.
One person reported wishing they had stopped hanging out sooner and eventually found accepting friends.
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Create more opportunities for acquaintances to get to know you.
You might not be giving them enough opportunity to get to know you.
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Change where you hang out to meet people with compatible personalities.
You may currently be in places that do not suit your personality.
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Take the lead in planning hangouts by making suggestions and keeping the mood light.
Partners may expect you to lead or communicate constantly.
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Ask friends for advice or opinions.
Asking for advice is a core function of friendship.
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State explicitly on dating sites that you are looking only for friends.
People still use these apps primarily to find partners, so clarity is needed.
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Follow a linear sequence for making friends: meet people, approach, small talk, find common activity, soft invite, swap contacts, hang out, repeat.
It helps identify where you are struggling and what specific issue to fix.
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- Use trial and error to make friends, accepting that not every interaction will click.3
Put effort into relationships and try to put yourself out there, accepting that not all friendships will advance to a close level.
that is how life works
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- Take the initiative to contact people you are interested in, as good relationships depend on the effort invested in them.1
Deepen friendships by having more frequent, deeper conversations about personal topics.
As discussions become more intimate, your bond as friends strengthens.
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One approach that helped deter romantic advances was pretending to be lesbian until knowing someone better.
It caused crushes to fade quickly while maintaining the friendship.
- This is a deceptive tactic reported by one user; not universally applicable
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Do not try to force people to become your friends or control the outcome of interactions.
Trying to control outcomes makes you appear desperate and unattractive.
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Match the level of effort your friend puts into the relationship; stop initiating contact if they do not reach out.
This allows the friendship to either become more casual or fade away naturally.
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Invite acquaintances to join you in an activity; spending time together during a shared task helps build closeness.
The more time spent with them during an activity, the closer you will get.
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Seek friendships with older people if you dislike youth group dynamics, drama, and boisterous activities, as older people often fit the category of mellow people who have settled down.
I liked learning from them.
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Go to places regularly and on a schedule, such as club meetings or hobby groups, to build familiarity and trust similar to how friends are made in school or work.
Regular attendance mimics the structure of school or work, where showing up consistently leads to friendship.
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Avoid excessive touching or flirting if seeking friendship, as it can be perceived as creepy; focus on building a good friendship first.
Touchy behavior is creepy if the other person is not attracted to you.
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Show up repeatedly to the same place or activity to become a familiar face.
Adult friendships rarely start from a single conversation; consistency builds recognition.
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Avoid maintaining friendships where compatibility is lacking, such as pretending to like a hobby just because a friend does.
Pretending to like things you hate creates resentment.
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Ask female friends for tailored advice on your social dilemmas, as they know you better than strangers do.
They can provide more specific guidance because of their existing knowledge of you.
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Spend significant time hanging out with acquaintances to make memories and deepen the relationship.
Time spent together creates shared memories.
- This is based on one person's experience.
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Make friends through existing friends or acquaintances rather than approaching strangers directly.
It is often the easiest way to connect, especially for women meeting men.
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Recognize that technology has limits in making friends; going outside and engaging in urban society is also effective.
We live in urbanized societies and there are tons of people outside.
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Focus on shared spaces like hobby clubs or online groups rather than forcing interactions.
Friendship is based on shared space, not equilibrium; stimulation is more comfortable than force.
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Move on from friendships where the other person cannot support you through difficult times.
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Be chill and natural in your interactions instead of trying too hard to force friendship or display conversational skills.
Trying too hard can feel forced, whereas being natural avoids the impression of forcing a friendship.
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Recognize that loved ones appreciate both your good and bad sides, which can make opening up to them easier.
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Make friends through online gaming and communicate with them outside of the game context.
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Do not assume romantic interest based on friendly behavior.
You may be mistaken and used for entertainment.
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Watch for whether potential friends take accountability for their actions as a top indicator of character.
Based on one person's experiences, this is the top indicator.
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Live your life fully and pursue interests regardless of relationship status, rather than pausing for a partner.
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View friendship development as gradual percentage stages rather than binary steps.
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Give selflessly to friends without expecting anything in return.
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interest, show, questions, genuine33
Listen to understand rather than to reply, and ask questions to show genuine interest.
Make a rule that after talking for five minutes, the speaker must ask a question and let the other person answer it.
This is easier to follow than abstract complaints about talking too much.
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Listen to understand rather than to reply, and ask questions to show genuine interest.
People like being interested in and become more open in conversation.
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- Have deep conversations where you listen and show interest, as most people rarely receive this level of attention.1
- Show genuine interest by asking follow-up questions about details from previous conversations.1
- Listen to people and show genuine interest in them.1
Recognize that acting differently in different settings is appropriate social behavior rather than fakeness.
There is no single 'real you' being hidden; people learn early on that they are supposed to act differently in school versus at home.
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Give people space if they need it by avoiding frequent texting or calling.
People often don't value those who are constantly available.
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Avoid putting on a show to impress others.
Putting on a show puts people off.
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Avoid criticizing drinking habits in front of people who drink.
They may react with hostility or meanness.
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Take non-responses or inability to meet at face value so it does not feel like rejection.
so it doesn't feel like a rejection
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Accept rejection as part of the process of meeting new people; it is usually about timing or context, not personal worth.
A stranger does not know you personally, so rejection is often about timing rather than your character.
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Tell friends that you are comfortable with silence so they do not worry.
People often do not understand because they simply do not know your comfort level.
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Stop being impressed by a habitual liar and stop asking follow-up questions to discourage their storytelling.
The liar may lose interest in the social group if they no longer receive an audience.
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Pair verbal expressions of interest with concrete actions, such as proposing a specific plan, rather than just stating feelings.
Words alone leave the other person unsure of what to do next.
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Show genuine interest in an acquaintance's interests to encourage them to reciprocate.
People tend to give back when they feel their interests are valued.
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Respond to rudeness with kindness rather than taking it personally.
It makes the other person feel bad for being immature.
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Respond to rejection with honesty and grace, then act normally.
This approach helps awkwardness wash away quickly and preserves the friendship.
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Be open to reciprocation and allow others to initiate plans.
Self-reflection may reveal that others have reached out even if you feel you always initiate.
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Use vague, non-critical phrases like 'it's not doing you justice' or 'those pants just don't seem like you' to express dislike without attacking the person.
It expresses dislike without making criticism that could hurt feelings.
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Adopt the mindset that if one person rejects you, another will accept you.
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If you are not invited to events, do not show offense or clinginess; instead, be kind and engage in good conversation.
Coming across as clingy is unpleasant.
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Frame invitations around a specific activity you want to do, such as checking out a new place, to make the request feel less awkward and more welcoming.
It seems more welcoming and is not as awkward as a general invitation.
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Distinguish between being interested and being desperate; desperation involves begging to hang out, getting upset when plans fail, or ignoring red flags due to attachment.
Being excited or interested is not the same as being desperate.
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Focus interactions on sharing something external rather than trying to impress the other person.
This helps you relax during the interaction.
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Learn to respond appropriately to physical affection like hugging to avoid creating walls or appearing clingy.
Nervousness can lead to uncomfortable reactions that push people away.
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Ask direct questions or propose specific dates to clarify romantic interest and avoid ambiguity about intentions.
Directness clarifies intent and prevents wondering if feelings are mutual.
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Ask questions, listen, remember details, and chat about them later while maintaining eye contact to increase your likability.
your 'likeness' will rise
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Show enthusiasm and reciprocate interest in others.
Lacking enthusiasm or failing to reciprocate damages relationships over time.
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Accept rejection gracefully by respecting the response and returning to previous activities without making the situation awkward.
Awkwardness is created by the reaction, not the rejection itself.
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If you interact with an individual separately, reintegrate them into the group to avoid alienating others.
Alienating the group may also upset the individual you are focusing on.
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Stop chasing validation and trying too hard to please others; focus on authenticity to avoid being dismissed and becoming resentful.
People appreciate genuine interactions over needy ones.
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Appreciate friends who explicitly mention your name or ask for your opinion to bring you back into a conversation after they have started talking among themselves.
It demonstrates awareness and shows they understand you are not intruding.
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Casually mention your boyfriend early in interactions to automatically adjust expectations.
This helps adjust expectations automatically.
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shared, conversation, gatherings, classes24
Take the initiative to invite acquaintances to specific activities or gatherings.
Take classes in hobbies like cooking, pottery, or dance to meet people with similar interests; focus on learning and being courteous rather than trying to pick up partners.
Shared learning environments often lead to the formation of friend groups that last beyond the season.
- Do not go with the sole intention of picking up girls; enthusiasm and courtesy are what attract others.
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Practice talking to women to build these skills.
Practice will help you get better at it.
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Start small talks with people around you by looking for common ground.
These interactions take time to develop.
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- Initiate conversations with strangers in hobby-specific settings like fishing spots by asking simple, relevant questions.1
Ask to eat lunch in a cafeteria or dining hall instead of coffee to avoid date-like connotations.
Coffee is considered 'datey', while eating in a cafeteria is not seen as a date.
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Take the initiative to invite acquaintances to specific activities or gatherings.
Planning interactions is not fake; shared experiences create common ground like inside jokes.
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Go to the gym to build self-confidence.
Physical activity builds self-confidence.
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Interact with small groups of people who share your interests to help you forget social discomfort.
Shared interests and limited group size can distract from feelings of awkwardness.
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Set a daily or weekly habit of visiting cafes, gyms, or classes at consistent times to see regular attendees repeatedly.
You are likely to encounter others with similar routines, which can open the door to conversation.
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Approach social gatherings without a specific goal; instead, simply bounce thoughts off others and share experiences.
This allows you to vent, unwind, gain advice, and build friendships.
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If you struggle with waiting for invitations, try showing up to social gatherings and acting like you belong.
Waiting for invites can lead to exclusion; showing up and chatting allows you to integrate.
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Practice talking to women regularly to build confidence and normalize interactions.
Confidence improves with practice over time.
- May take years of practice
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Choose activity-based hangouts like hiking or visiting markets instead of coffee dates.
Having an activity takes the pressure off and avoids the awkward social pressure of a coffee date.
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Disrupt closed-off group dynamics by asking general questions about their origins, activities, or connections.
This helps you quickly judge how enjoyable they are.
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Initiate conversations in college by asking about majors, weekly plans, or sports teams.
You do not always need to care deeply about the topic itself.
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Invite acquaintances to grab lunch as a low-pressure way to transition out of shared contexts.
Getting lunch together is often less weird than coffee because both parties were likely going to eat anyway.
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Spend time doing activities that allow for conversation instead of passive ones like movies.
Passive activities do not allow you to socialize and make you replaceable.
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Focus on self-improvement in areas like work, school, exercise, hobbies, and appearance rather than acting desperate.
Becoming lovely may make others desperate for you.
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Seek reassurance and check in with others to build confidence.
Interaction with others helps establish self-assurance.
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Go rock climbing or bouldering, as these activities often require partners for belaying or involve discussing shared climbs, which naturally encourages conversation.
Rock climbing often requires a partner to belay you, and bouldering involves people climbing the same routes and talking about them.
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Recognize that gossiping can build artificial bonds by triggering in-group/out-group dynamics.
Gossiping creates trust through shared secrets about others, appealing to primal group instincts.
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Start conversations with specific questions about schoolwork, borrowing items, or food, rather than generic comments about the weather.
Generic weather comments do not last long.
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Ask an acquaintance to study together, especially before exams, to help with conversation and bonding.
Asking someone to study facilitates chatting and allows for grabbing food on a break.
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Celebrate small social victories, such as casual interactions with coworkers, by acknowledging the positive feeling they bring.
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Join casual recreational sports leagues or pickup games like soccer, volleyball, or basketball.
Join college clubs, hobby groups, fan clubs, casual sports teams, or book clubs.
The people you meet in them already have something in common with you.
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Hang out in places that cater to your interests to make it easier to relate to others.
It serves as a good starting point for socializing and relating with people.
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Strike up conversations at bars or restaurants with live music.
It is a nice environment for conversation, and you do not have to drink excessively or at all.
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Engage with trading card game (TCG) communities, which are often chill and conducive to hanging out.
People in this scene are friendly and sometimes grab dinner together after playing.
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Attend obscure movie showings or themed events to connect with people who share niche interests.
If there is a bar nearby, it is super easy to talk afterwards.
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- Join social events focused on specific hobbies or interests, like MeetUps.5
Ask about their weekend activities and offer to join if they mention a specific event.
- If they decline, do not take it personally and try again later.
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Seek out people who share your low-drinking habits rather than settling for relationships centered around drinking.
It is more fun to do activities like hiking or kayaking with compatible people than sitting around drinking.
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Host a social event and accept the possibility that no one will attend.
The host enjoys eating dinner alone anyway.
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Volunteer for community organizations to gain perspective outside of your own mindset.
It helps you get out of your own perspective.
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Avoid taking bar recommendations from people outside your age group.
You may end up in a venue surrounded by older demographics.
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Ask strangers for recommendations on local events or groups.
People in rural areas may understand the desperation.
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Ask a current friend to accompany you to an event you are excited about, then invite them to future non-drinking activities; do not drink during the initial event.
Excitement is infectious, and abstaining from drinking can be a personal development step.
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Attend low-key comedy nights or open mic events to socialize in a relaxed setting where people are already laughing.
The shared laughter creates a softer social aspect and encourages conversation.
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Be aware that 'night people' may have more social encounters because events happen later.
Social events typically occur later in the day, favoring those active at night.
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Visit Kava bars for a sober-friendly social environment.
They serve non-alcoholic drinks.
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Invite acquaintances to join you in mundane, low-pressure activities you were already planning to do.
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- Invite acquaintances to events related to shared interests, such as concerts, restaurants, or movies.3
Join casual recreational sports leagues or pickup games like soccer, volleyball, or basketball.
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Seek out non-religious spiritual communities, such as Unitarian Universalists, for inclusive social support.
They offer the same community feel and are accepting of any or no religious beliefs.
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Attend library hobby groups like yarn circles, even if you start by sitting alone until others join.
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Make her laugh to help lower her guard.
It makes it easier for a girl to let down her guard.
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Bet on small items like McDonald's McFlurries or apple pies, where the winner buys for the loser, to keep wagers fun and inexpensive.
It is fun, sounds hilarious when stated aloud, and costs only a few bucks.
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If a friend cannot afford to eat out, cover their meal by claiming you still owe them from a previous occasion, and occasionally call in small debts for minor items to maintain the appearance of reciprocity.
It allows them to eat with the group while keeping their pride intact.
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Share memes to gauge someone's sense of humor.
It helps you understand their comedic preferences.
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- Use conversation prompts or scenarios to initiate chats and discover topics of interest.5
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Go hiking, biking, or into nature for inexpensive social interactions that allow hours of conversation.
It is often inexpensive and extremely social, allowing for good conversations over long durations.
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women7
Demystify women by treating them as ordinary humans rather than creatures defined by their gender.
Apply the same energy you use to learn how to talk to girls when learning to talk to guys.
This approach can help you achieve balance in your interactions.
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Accept that human brains cannot handle more than a limited capacity for close relationships.
Our biological capacity restricts the number of close relationships we can maintain.
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Interact with women in obligatory settings like work to normalize them as regular human beings.
One person found that work-related interactions helped them see women as normal people.
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Demystify women by treating them as ordinary humans rather than creatures defined by their gender.
We are all just humans; viewing women as mysterious entities that need translation creates barriers.
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Focus on having friendly conversations without romantic intent to eliminate fear.
Worrying about attraction is unnecessary unless you are seeking a relationship.
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Stop using clinical terms like 'females' when referring to women; use natural language instead.
Using such terms sounds like a documentary narrator.
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Stop putting girls on a pedestal and remember they are ordinary humans with mundane bodily functions to reduce intimidation.
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