Going out alone
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Expect initial awkwardness when doing things alone and persist until it feels normal.
It gets easier with repetition and can become a strength.
4 people, independently
- Go out alone repeatedly to normalize the circumstance and build confidence.4
Attend house parties or group gatherings where you are likely to meet friends of friends.
You'll have more success meeting friends of friends in these settings.
- Trying to follow an extrovert's playbook often doesn't work even for them.
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Befriend the bartender or bouncer; they may look out for your safety or introduce you to other patrons.
Staff can act as a wingman or provide oversight if you are nice to them.
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- Ask the bartender for the 'house drink' to establish them as your companion.1
- Attend happy hour to get to know bartenders so they can watch out for you and offer social guidance later.1
Visit bars during quieter periods, like after happy hour, on weekdays, or early in the evening, to help with easier conversation.
Interactions are simpler when the venue is less crowded.
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- Choose quieter bars, such as those with smoke pits or board games, to make starting conversations easier.1
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Pick up games like pool or darts to interact with others via a shared task.
Having an activity to talk about can make socializing simpler.
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Look like you are having fun, even if you are a bad dancer, to attract others.
People will join in.
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- Go to the dance floor near other people and dance to help with conversations.4
Recognize that being cold-approached can make people feel off-guard and nervous.
Women report feeling this way when cold approached.
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Avoid going out with the specific goal of collecting numbers, as one person found this created pressure that rarely worked out.
It puts pressure on yourself.
- Based on one person's experience.
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Do not open a conversation by stating it is your first or second time approaching someone.
Doing so does not work.
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Create a strict, short-duration plan for your first solo outing (e.g., drive, park, enter, order, observe, finish drink, leave) lasting 10-15 minutes to build positive reinforcement and avoid misery.
People often fail because they have no plan and stay out too long marinating in misery.
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Ask friendly-looking groups if you can sit near them to avoid appearing suspicious, but do not hit on them.
Many women will sympathize with the desire not to look like a creeper.
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Avoid taking out your phone or making it your focus while sitting alone.
Staring at your phone signals to others that you are closed off to interaction and want to be left alone.
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- Put your phone away to appear more approachable and avoid signaling that you are not there to socialize.2
Start conversations with a simple greeting like 'hey'.
It works fine.
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Sketch or doodle to attract conversation from interested people.
People may find it cool and want to talk to you while you are doing it.
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Treat socializing as a skill to be leveled up through consistent practice, similar to training in an MMO or learning an instrument.
Consistency keeps social gears lubricated; like muscles or learning, doing it more allows you to handle more.
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When you see a familiar face for the second time, say something corny or silly to engage them through familiarity.
They will engage because of the familiarity.
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If you are comfortable doing so, people-watch or dance with other solo people at the venue.
It is described as no big deal and potentially neat if others join in.
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One approach that helped: wait in the ladies' room to be approached by groups of women who may adopt you.
They can be protective, welcoming, and almost overbearing.
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Bring a book or ensure your phone has a full charge to occupy yourself during slow periods.
It prevents boredom at slow points.
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Accept rejection as part of the process and persist in trying to socialize.
Rejection is part of the game but provides experience.
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Remind yourself that there is no rule requiring you to be with someone.
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Do not pursue conversation if someone indicates they have a partner or are not interested.
This is a rejection, not a moment to test their potential bluff.
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Smell good and cultivate calm confidence.
People gravitate towards it.
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Try going to museums, beaches, coffeehouses, lunch places, or concerts alone if other venues feel awkward.
These places can be easier for solo visits.
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- Look up venues ahead of time to identify spots that offer counter seating or an atmosphere fitting for solo visits.3
Reframe your mindset from 'I'm here by myself' to 'I'm here with everyone else that's here'.
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Introduce yourself honestly as a first-timer to break the ice.
People were friendly and welcoming.
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Put your phone away and observe your surroundings or watch TV to find topics for conversation.
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Approach groups of women respectfully and talk to all of them, not just one.
Normal women understand it is intimidating and don't normally want to initiate; being friendly and charming may lead to interest.
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Increase your comfort with a task by repeating it frequently.
Doing something more often makes you feel more comfortable doing it.
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Withhold your social media handles until you are certain you want an ongoing connection.
Sharing socials can be a significant distraction and implies a level of closeness you may not intend.
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Start conversations with basic small talk questions such as asking where someone lives, if they were born there, or what they do.
Approaching conversation like a networking event avoids formulaic pick-up lines.
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Go out expecting to be alone but remain open to others initiating conversation.
The author notes that while they expect solitude, someone usually chats them up and they enjoy their time regardless.
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If you dislike constant interactions with strangers, go with people you know to buffer the experience.
It prevents strangers from constantly approaching you.
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Go out with the intention of meeting new people or simply having fun.
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Project an approachable, relaxed look rather than focusing solely on physical attractiveness.
Coming off as shield-down and approachable matters more than looks.
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Treat going out alone as a date with yourself: dress up and enjoy the performance regardless of others' opinions.
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Recognize that most patrons take little notice of solo customers due to the Spotlight Effect.
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Do something lowkey absurd and become a regular so people trust you and feel comfortable approaching you.
Trust built through regularity combined with intriguing behavior makes others feel safe to initiate contact.
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Avoid approaching another person immediately after a rejection to prevent appearing like you are just making rounds.
Other people notice this behavior.
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Watch nonverbal cues and vocal tone during interactions, since these shape how others view you.
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If asked why you are alone, say a friend bailed or stood you up, but you decided to go out anyway; alternatively, just state you wanted to go out without making an excuse.
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Lean into embarrassment and take yourself less seriously to fully experience and enjoy life.
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Sit in a quiet booth to write or think, which can be productive and soothing, especially if others are reading or relaxing nearby.
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Initiate conversation with the person sitting directly next to you.
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Attend trivia nights or game nights at bars to meet people through shared team activities and learn about their interests.
Join a bouldering gym to meet friendly people who naturally help each other.
Rock climbers, especially boulderers, are very friendly and like to help each other.
- Based on one person's experience
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Approach one or two people from a group at a bar rather than the whole group to reduce awkwardness.
Groups often have their own clique, making full-group approaches difficult.
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Arrive at the bar early and act cordial toward the staff; this often leads them to welcome you into ongoing chats.
Staff frequently bring early arrivals into their conversations when greeted with a friendly demeanor.
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- Engage with strangers at the bar after talking to the bartender, as this signals you are approachable and capable of conversation.1
- Visit during slow times to build rapport with the bartender by sharing personal details and discussing topics like beer, whiskey, or tequila.1
- Sit at the bar to interact with the bartender and people nearby; chatting with those seated close to you is seldom awkward.3
Accept that seeking connection is not desperate, as everyone at a bar is fishing for connection in some way.
People crave connection.
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Start conversations with the bartender about drinks or small talk to attract others into the discussion.
Bartenders often incorporate you into conversations, and others may chime in with opinions.
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Visit different bars to watch games, which may help you meet cool people and make friends.
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- Attend trivia nights or game nights at bars to meet people through shared team activities and learn about their interests.4
If asked why you are at the bar, say you entered spontaneously on your way home.
People like spontaneous people and it is no big deal.
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Find a recurring weekly event, such as crossword night, and attend regularly to become a known regular.
Regular attendance helps set a routine where staff recognize your order, making it your regular spot.
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Choose dive bars, neighborhood bars, or sports bars over trendy venues if you are going alone.
Groups in trendy bars are less likely to interact with outsiders, whereas sports bars offer a good option for regular attendance during games.
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Avoid playing handheld video games while trying to socialize at a bar.
It is perceived as weird and signals that you do not want to be interrupted.
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Use busy restaurants or bars for background noise while reading.
The incoherent rabble provides great background noise.
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Build familiarity with regulars and staff at a specific bar to create a safer environment where others may intervene if needed.
Knowing the community makes the place feel safe; a 'bar friend' might step in if someone ignores boundaries.
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Engage with bartenders to build rapport and potentially meet other customers through them.
Talking to bartenders is an enjoyable experience and can lead to meeting other customers.
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Choose bars with structured activities like trivia, karaoke, music bingo, or arcade games to help with social interaction.
One person found this approach successful over time.
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Ask people in your local Facebook meetup group if anyone wants to go bar hopping.
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Stand outside with smokers or in designated smoking areas to join smaller, chatty groups where socializing is common.
These areas tend to have fewer people and a more conversational atmosphere.
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Build relationships with bar staff by talking to them, which can lead to seeing them regularly outside of work.
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Seek out bars described as having an inclusive atmosphere where patrons talk to everyone.
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Choose smaller neighborhood bars over venues with gimmicks to find a welcoming environment where you do not feel like an outsider.
Neighborhood bars are generally very welcoming despite sometimes seeming intimidating.
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Inquire about a stranger's drink to start a chat.
It is a simple opener that might lead to nice talks.
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- Order cocktails or specific drinks at the counter to help with interaction with the bartender.1
Offer to buy the bartender a drink later in the evening.
They will be grateful whether they accept it or not.
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Order Kahlua milk or a White Russian if you enjoy latte-like flavors.
They taste really good.
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Ask hotel concierges for bar recommendations in the area, even if you are not staying at the hotel.
It is part of their job.
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Review the beer menu, taps, or case and make a decision before ordering rather than asking for just 'a beer'.
Bartenders are not mind readers and everyone has different tastes.
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Bring a book during happy hour to read while having a drink to start conversations.
It can start many conversations.
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Ask bartenders for insight and specific tips about difficult patrons when those patrons are not present.
Bartenders may have more context about the person's situation.
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Choose drinks wisely rather than consuming expensive, poor-quality alcohol quickly to save money and maintain dignity.
Saving your wallet, dignity, and morning-self some stress.
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